Johnathan Colourfield

Oh nephy this story always brings me to tears. I love it. Absolutely love it. Brilliance is achieved here

Just like the nephy i know and love Powerful stuff. So glad they were rescued at the end Nice short and sweet tale. You should write more shorter stories They suit your writing style Well done

OMG ADORABLE! Can i have one to go? It suits ya

This is a play script written a few years ago of which i've decided to edit and post on GA. Enjoy! Its actually based on the events of a bus journey i once had :)

Act 1 Prologue – A Blank Canvas The play opens with the house lights still in operation. This scene should introduce the characters in the play with only a few words spoken. A Central Spotlight appears. No one is present on stage, there is a desk and a lamp beside it. B/O. Three Spotlights Appear. Two seats on the spotlights on the left and right. B/O. The Central Spotlight appears and this contains a man in a black suit , his name is The Writer. The writer is sat writing at his desk wit

Welcome back Having a voice is important

we had sorted it guys But then tonight, again, with his sixth form friends he said that they'd changed it so they are having an all day meetup instead of like 2 hours in the evening on tuesday. So they are seeing each other between 2-12... 10 hours... It just frustrates me that he tells me things then changes them a few days later Just wish he would get the right facts and the right information before he tells me anything Thats gonna be another day when im pretty much not going to hear from him I know i will see him afterwards but again its that feeling of rejection and i hate it i know he's not rejecting me but he knows how sensitive i am just *sigh*

Sanhedrin Malakim It dawned on the people who sat in the room that this wasn’t a regular meeting. It was all very prim and proper and they all were in their best attire. Looking along the benches you could see that there were a few there, but there was a higher bench with four very prominent figures. The first from the left had a green robe on with slightly green tinted spectacles and black wings. He was of course the advocate for those who did have the voice. Those who were fallen. Crawling

I'll respond in bold or something funky Now, this is definitely one of those stories that I think was maybe 5 or 6 chapters too short. I know that I do the same thing a lot when it comes to stories that are only supposed to be one or two chapters long, or something 'solo' for the anthology. Because I try to come up with this huge concept, and it doesn't always 'fit' into just one story. That's kind of what I see happening here. The concept seems to be a bit too big to fit into the chapters you've given us. Oh yeah, I come up with the concept and to just write it, i tried the technique of not stopping writing and planning. I had where i started and where i ended The one thing that stands out is the sheer variety of details in some places, and a lack of details elsewhere. Setting up more of a balance might help. For example, when the readers are introduced to Calvin for the first time...that's the perfect opportunity for more detail. That's where you really get inside the head of your main character and put your heart into what he's looking at. You know that cliché moment in movies, where the guy sees the girl of his dreams for the first time? And she's moving in slow motion with some weird invisible 'fan' blowing her hair back...hehehe, as though anybody just randomly sits around making sexy poses in public. Anyway, that's how your readers should see Calvin for the first time. Beautiful. Breathtaking. Untouchable. Definitely go all the way and put them in the middle of that magic moment. What does his hair look like, what do his eyes look like, describe his skin, his neck, his clothes, whatever. How does your character feel what is he thinking about him, how is his body reacting to seeing this beauty right in front of him? All of that is a great way to finesse the writing and really make it shine. Paint that picture like Michelangelo. House painters 'get the job done' sure, but you're creating a masterpiece here. I know you can do that. I see what you mean... Its really difficult because i didnt want it to be all about them, i was trying to focus on the bigger picture. I didnt stop in this story Like i started and didnt stop writing till i finished the story. Also, the history that you built around him and his past were there to add depth, and their interactions were fine, but I felt that that too went a little bit too fast. I tend to overdo the 'angst' thing sometimes myself, so you don't have to go that far. But I think a bit more time getting to know one another and fall in love is always a good thing. Even if it's just creating a few romantic moments, or a few everyday conversations and shared laughs, really help to build up an emotional investment with the characters. So, once again...your concept is great, but slow down and let it evolve naturally. No need to jump forward to get to the next big scene, you'll get there in time. Give the readers some time to experience a little mystery and romance while absorbing the rest of your story. Hmmm true I am going to attempt to rewrite One of the other things that I noticed is a lot of other details that didn't necessarily have a future impact on the story later. That's always something to watch for. It's always good to take notes and make sure that you know who your characters are, what the big plot points of your story are going to be, and have at least a semi-detailed idea of how you want it to end, before you start writing. That way, every time you introduce a new character or have a certain event take place, it acts as 'foreshadowing' for the ultimate end of the story. The big example here was the character, 'Marcus'. The boy in the bathroom. You did spend time giving him a bit of a back-story and a personality, but then he vanishes. So that was almost like a quick distraction. NOW...if the blood sacrifice was taking place, and we all discovered that Marcus, the poor little boy that was picked on by everybody and dismissed as unimportant, turned out to be the only one who could stop the carnage, and he rushed in to save the day...then that would have been different. Because then the readers could think back to earlier in the story and say, 'oh yeah, because he saved him from getting beat up a few chapters back', and a connection would be made. Always make sure that the characters you describe and introduce to the reader will be a part of the story's natural progression. If you can tell a whole story without a character's involvement, then cut them out. 'Jesse' can be a fun character to write, but if he's not a part of the major plot, either cut him out, or cut his parts down to little pieces of dialogue or comic relief. Like I said, you built a big concept with teachers and 'Chosen Few' and demons and love interests and you have a whole history there to explore...but for a story this size, you might have to cut down on the characters and just focus on the two or three that have the most impact. EEP! Yeah i did notice that rereading, i wanted it to be a quick sharp story. But maybe i do need to do a bit more expansion This was just a writing exercize to see if could write in nephy's style. I know i have to stick to my own style for a story to be 'mine' if you know what i mean? OR...like I said in the beginning, you could go all out and really stretch the story out with details and a huge cast of characters and turn it into this epic, multi chapter, saga where you can explore everything that you want to explore fully, and without limitations. Either way, as long as you're still focused, you could turn it into one hell of a series. Just needs balance. So there we go! Love the concept, but I think you would do best to either expand on the details and make the story longer, or cut down on the overall theme. The only thing I can see wrong with it is that you seemed to have gotten caught in the middle somewhere. If you want, send me an email after the holidays and we can go over a few scenes together to talk about finding that balance. Cool? And keep writing! The more practice you get, the better you'll be. I mean have you SEEN "New Kid", Chapter 1??? Ugh!!! Awww i definately see what you mean, i'm glad you think it is good I did try to fit lots into a small space i agree completely And i'd love to com I wont have much time to write over the coming months but i will try to churn it out. I am in the process of a new story involving my main couple and their involvement in a certain event and also the cult makes a return THANKS

Semyaza A scream of pain. Semyaza gripped onto Asmodeus’ arm as he covered himself with the mystical veil. His eyes turning into just figures of blood red evil, he was being used as an envoy through the spirits. “My friend, I told you, it will be over when you leave just focus on the vision before you.” Semyaza gained ontrol of the pain that he was going through and focused on the flickering image that was hidden behind his eyes. He used as much of his strength as he could to bring the

Hi Guys I havent written in here for a long time but i think i need to. You probably think i'm a moany little whinger and should grow some balls but bleh. Three things to rant about today Firstly, Jason. I dont know... I should explain... About 9 months ago i met his old sixth form friends and lets say we had a large argument (me and his friends) and they started insulting my disability. I got very annoyed. And he's meeting them tommorow for the first time in a long while Now not that i have a problem with him meeting them, i just... can't see how he can like them. They are bitchy, they are fake, most of them didnt go to university and are lazy arses... Just generally a few of them are a waste of human space. I just don't get how he can change his opinion. Literally every five minutes "I like them" " I hate them" "i'm never speaking to them again" "i love all my sixth form friends" I don't know if its his autisic tendencies but i just dont get it. First time really when i havent understood him. Then there is the fact that the way they are doing it confuses me, again, probably my dyspraxia kicking in i just don't understand how half the people come from his village and they aren't holding it in the village pub where you would expect in stead they are going way out of their way to go to a village in the middle of nowhere... *sigh* Just i don't know what to do... I mean we talk about everything but i just don't want to seem jealous or just generally rude. Cuz tbh i just don't like them. For example, he met a few of them last week, they kept being condescending to him and rude to him and stuff and still he goes running back loving them... Their group had a major split up, to the point of numbers being deleted etc. and i just can't get it into my head Second Jason again... He's at home and has been for about a week now. And when he's at home he just seems like a different person. Not the jason i know and love but someone different. Just not him... Y'know? Just feels wrong I know he needs his family time and stuff, but i've just been rejected multiple times and it doesn't feel too good. Just want my Jason back, the real Jason. Just .... meh I just hate talking badly about him cuz i do really love him and i just don't wanna upset him And there he goes again, rejects me again to go off with someone he told me he couldn't stand to go game and stuff. I just don't get it I have heard from him pretty much barely over the last few days Thirdly... My neighbours. They came down for an evening and we were talking about 'Theatre' and the 'Business' And they said i needed to toughen up and grow some balls. Now i'm a very sensitive person and i hate being just told and not constructed... I just feel as if all the progress i've made in confidence over the last year and a bit has all been to waste. I was very shy a year ago, i wouldnt even go to a shop counter and buy a magazine or a bag of crisps and a drink. Just *sigh* Any advice would be greatly appreciated Just try not to be too blunt...

Fascinating. Absolutely Fascinating! Just the transformation from picture to physical being is just wow Very sexually frank, good read

Dimitri Of course, the lighting was apparent around figure that stood next to the font. It shone straight through a small stained glass window onto the floor around his feet. An attractive woman approached him and sat behind him upon one of the benches. It was night. It was dark. A great time for all things evil to express themselves. She opened her lips and began to speak but decided to stop herself. It was not the time to speak. The time to speak would be coming soon for her to raise her

The turbulence made Erica feel rather queasy as she stared at the supposedly perfect face of her flight attendant. “And your exits are here, here and here...” Erica yawned and murmured, “Okay. Just get on with it; we want to be there by tomorrow.” Tony darted a look at her from the next seat, “We all have to sit through it in case the plane randomly decides to blow up.” Tony giggled as Erica gave him a glare and he quickly silenced himself. “Should you require the use of the lavatory, there

The clock chimed 6am as the paper boy arrived with the morning news. The day was Sunday, the 28th June 1959. The headline blared “Minister For The Environment In Seaside Sex Scandal”. The phone rang loudly and a shout could be heard from Erica’s room... “Who in god's name is calling at this bloody hour?” Ivan woke up with a shock and realised that Brandon was no longer next to him... “How odd...” he whispered to himself. He then noticed Brandon’s note and sighed to himself. “I knew he wouldn’t

He could barely recognize the room that was laid out before him. The lights from outside shone into the room and the scene looked magnificent. Ivan smiled to himself at the set up he was able to arrange. Along the wall was a line of candles, all with their own romantic scents, giving the room the aroma that it needed. On the sofa was a throw blanket... ready, in case they wanted to use the sofa. Ivan had no idea what Brandon had planned. All he knew was that it would be the night he had been wai

A light-sounding tune was being played against the vocal backdrop of the lake water being affected by the extreme winds that were roaring through the area that night. The waves of the lake began to crash against the bridge and you wouldn’t believe that it could be safe to be out in that evening. When you looked around, there were people taking shelter in corners and under trees. If you were to look into the café, you would notice that the light-sounding tune was coming from it. The party was i

The clock chimed five o’clock as Erica turned around and picked up her coffee mug. The clock on the wall stated the date to be “27th June 1959”. Why she had to have a clock with a date wherever she went was beyond any of her friends. She stared up and noticed her cat crawling along the corridor. She sighed to herself, went over and picked her up. She started to stroke it protectively. She stared at the cat and said to herself, “You are the only one who has stayed loyal to me ... I wonder if he i

The noise from outside began to disturb what was happening inside the restful place that was commonly known as Café Sierra. It was empty apart from very few people, as it often was. They were regular loyal customers who would never leave the place, even if it closed. That was the way of some people in the fifties, people stood by what they believed and never really moved on from their ways. Don’t believe me; ask anyone who grew up in the forties and fifties. Along the shore of Lake Sierra stood

Sitting on the corner of the cabinet was a set of ordinary house keys. Nothing special about them. A cat crawled from her desperate darkness in the corner, where she was accustomed to sitting. She leapt majestically from the floor to the top of the cabinet where the keys were set. A Radio in the corner of the room began to play a recognizable tune until the radio voice began to speak, “Hey you cool cats and foxy ladies, the year is 1969 and we are hot here at B98.5FM in sunny Georgia and we are

From where she sat, it was far from clear how important this place would be in her future. She'd always thought places had no intrinsic importance, but these next few years would prove her wrong. She'd be returning to the same places, sometimes for good events, but often for bad. It was 1959, nearly the Swinging 60s. This was the era in which she'd have to raise her son, born a bastard. It wasn't his fault; she'd been foolish. She hoped not to tell the story, if not for her son's reputation

'Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic' is a novella following the themes of Love , Betrayal , Hope and Deception. We follow mainly the lives of Erica , Tony , Ivan ,and Mellissa. I never said this was a happy tale , i didnt say it was a sad tale either. Its just not for the faint of heart..

Chapter 4 From within the darkness the creatures sat, waiting for their next victim. Wanting to taste more blood but not the blood of their own kind. Professor Cross’ blood was not pure enough, they needed a boy. A boy’s blood. A boy of purity. A boy like Eric… ** The two boys knocked nervously on the headmasters door and looked into each other eyes. They could both see the fear that they both felt. ‘Come in’ the headmaster pronounced in pain. Calvin was the first to speak out of the two b

It was dinner time that even when I walked towards where I usually sat in the dining hall and I felt someone staring at me. It was strange. It was as if someone knew of my “special appointment” with the headmaster. I looked across the tables and noticed all the students were already engulfed into their sick inducing food but that was when I noticed there was something different. The staff that were missing were back at the table. They were just sitting there. Staring. Staring at me. Staring into

It was Tuesday morning and that meant it was time to take our new extensive classes. I started to get myself dressed and just as I was putting my underwear on, Jesse burst through the door. He was a tall kid with long brown hair and jagged teeth. You know, the kind of teeth you think are gonna jump on you and kill you at any time. Of course, anything like that is total bollocks but you can still believe, can't you? "Morning, numb-nuts." This caused me to jump and fall onto my knees in shock. I