methodwriter85

Chapter 58 -When Will learns of Marie's break-up drama with Noah, and Noah begs her in school to talk more in school about this silly little tiff they're having. "Summer Wind Was Always Our Favorite Song" by The Ataris -When Brad gets stopped at Triton for a search. "What's Going On" by a 2001 All-Star Tribute It's crazy to look at this video- it's basically a snap shot and who's who of where music was in the late 90's/start of the 00's. It was intended as an AIDS tribute, and it was shot before 9/11, but after 9/11 the scope of the benefits expanded to include 9/11 survivors. It also reminded me, "Wow, J Lo really was everywhere back in 2001, wasn't she?" -When Brad leans of Triton's plans to expand in order to take advantage of Bush's new War on Terror. "The Battle Hymn of the Republic"

It's been two weeks since my friend Stephen died. I checked out his FB page, and found a link to his obituary. It's so strange. I've actually had this habit since I was 11 or 12 years old of reading obituaries. This guy in high school said I was morbid for doing so, but I've always liked reading about the interesting and long lives of people who lived through things like World War II or the Great Depression. I also like to visit cemeteries, check out tombstones, read the dates, and imagine what sort of lives these people might have lived, especially the ones who lived a long time. I felt a bit of sadness for the ones who didn't get much of a lifetime...and now...now I'm dealing with reading an orbit of someone that I really loved and cared about, with so many memories of I can't possibly list them all out. 1986 to 2013. Seriously. That's it. That's fucking it. It's all my friend Stephen got. It feels obscene. And his orbit just feels so generic, rose-colored, and stock-character. Not that I'm going to rail against his parents for that, of course. It's just a reminder that you can't fit a whole person's life in a couple of lines. It's impossible to convey that. It's impossible to cite specific memories like the time I listened to him bitch about this snobby resident who made fun of his clothes, or when we watched a squirrel eating a Chik-Fil-A waffle fry while perched on a garbage bin in front of Willard Hall. Or when we were in Dunkin Donuts and I told him that I wrote his name as "Stever" in my cell phone, and he just grabbed my phone and changed it because "Stever" was a nickname that he absolutely refused to go with. I keep being afraid that in thirty years, I'm going to forget what his voice sounds like, or not be able to remember little moments like the ones I listened above. Like I said, Steve and I didn't have a dramatic friendship- mainly just made up of little moments. I keep going in my head, trying to remember as much as I can about him, like how he moved and how he talked, so that he stays fresh and 3-d in my head, because I don't want him to fade into memories as some generic nice former college friend that died when we were just three years out of college. At 50-something, I want my memories of him to be as vibrant as they are now. I had an e-friend tell me that he was worried that I was idealizing the guy, but I think I'm actually actively trying NOT to do that, because I want to keep him in my mind as he was, not who I wanted him to be. I feel like if I do that, I'll be able to keep him "real", in a sense. So I want to remember the warts. There's this part of me that's so pissed off that Steve flushed away all of his potential to try out heroin, and I keep wondering if maybe I had called him that night something might have been different. But then there's the logical part of me that knows that there isn't anything I could have done. I know it and I accept it. Still. I'm past the intense grieving...still some cries now and then, but not the intense sobbing that I experienced in the first few days, sobbing so intense I needed to hold on to something to stay up. I can even laugh and feel happy about something now, although I'm still mostly just going through the motions, and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I even managed to have fun on my 28th birthday, although a part of me just kept thinking about the fact that Steve will never have a 28th birthday. He'll never become the great counselor that I knew he was going to become, and all of the people that he was going to help...he can't now. It's such a colossal waste of a man that I knew was going to do great things with his life. It's weird. I was jealous of Steve. I thought he had it more together than I did, I knew the guy had far more of a superior brain than I did, and I was jealous that he pretty much had a job guaranteed for him as a grief counselor once he got his degree. Steve wasn't going to flail around post-Grad like I've been doing. But now that bright future has been wiped out. And I feel like I kind of lost my Quarterback, in a sense. Who am I going to call when I know I need a verbal bitchslap on all of my B.S.? Who is going to be brutally honest with me about where I might be going wrong? And who will have all of that backed up by the fact that we grew up with each other in college? No one. I'll never have that again. I'll make friends, but as someone once said to me...the friends who grew up with you understand you in a way that the friends that you made as an older person don't. The one person in this world that understood everything there was to know about 21 to 24 year old Jeremy...that guy's gone, and I can't ever replace that. I kind of feel like there's this part of me that is gone now, and I'll never be quite the same again. I know I'll recover, and I am recovering, but I can't ever go back entirely to who I was two weeks ago.

Darius is actually a sophomore, but I still don't think it's that weird for Darius to still have a very high school mindset. I don't think high school kids started becoming a mystery to me until I was about 25 or so. Hell, I've met mid-thirtysomethings who still have a teenaged mindset, which really shocked me because before that I thought 35-year olds had a wisdom and maturity to them because of their extra years.

Hey, Private Tim, they're running a new T.V. show on Fox called Surviving Jack, which is set in 1991 Southern California. Seeing as that's where and when you went to high school and had your coming-of-age, I thought it'd be cool for you to watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gg3T-NeBPc I'm not totally sold on this, but I'll give it a shot because I fucking love the 1990's. It'll be cool to see if they've good at capturing the time and place of the show. I do think, from the trailers, they were pretty good at re-creating the early/mid-90's look, with the lead's Bugle Boy shirts and his sister's scrunchies and mid-drift tops. And not to mention the Hypercolor T-shirt. I actually have this vintage 1990's t-shirt that I'll wear every once in awhile...it's a GAP t-shirt with horizontal stripes of lavender and aqua. It's hideous but I love how early 90's it makes me feel whenever I wear it. The 90's are a hard thing to capture period-wise, because it doesn't have that set, defined aesthetic that decades like the 1970's and 1980's have. I think the best films/shows I've ever seen that really captured that era would be Being Erica, in shows where Erica would flashback to the 1990's, and The To-Do List.

Good one. I like it. It's weird being 28. I remember I used to mercilessly tease Adam about his age when I was 22 and he was 28. It's so strange to be on the other side. (Well, not in his case, as Adam as now 34.)

It's a little over a week since my good college friend on November 29th, and I got it confirmed to me on November 30th. I'm past the intense feelings of sadness, but it's interesting to learn that I've apparently got a lot more grieving stages to go through. The last 'sad attack' hit me when I was walking around KMart, and the sad version of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" came on. It's really strange how unpredictable this stuff is...I thought that I'd go to the bar we hung out together at so many times in college, put on "I Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd, and I'd have a good cry...but...nothing. Maybe a little tearing up, but not what I expected.

That's not true for everyone. For me, a kick-ass breakfast would be Belgian waffles, a side of bacon, sausage gravy biscuits, along with pineapple and cranberry apple juice. Anyway, I really do hope Austin turns out to be a better friend than Noah was. I like that Will can have a hot male friend with whom there's no sexual tension...I always kind of figured that was part of what ruined his friendship with Ryan. The whole thing reminded me of when Tommy Hilfiger's daughter was on a show called "Rich Girls", and she got frustrated because she couldn't figure out how to make a burrito. At 18. I'm not kidding. It's weird to me, because I figured out bacon and eggs when I was 7 or 8. I figured that was a basic even the biggest non-cook could do, like spaghetti or hamburgers. Maybe he'll learn how to grocery shop when he goes off to college and learns that dining hall food is really disgusting? I remember Target becoming my friend that first year of college.

Chapter 57 -On the jet ride to Hawaii, where Will is convinced that he needs to have a boyfriend to show up Darius, and Austin agrees to pose as his boyfriend. "We've Got It Going On" by The Backstreet Boys -When Will enjoys his new sex room. "Dancing With Myself" by Billy Idol Can I just take a moment to say how fucking gorgeous Billy Idol was in the 1980's? Man. Simply beautiful, in a cruel, sneering way. -When Will and Austin try to hook up, but realize that at the end of the day, Austin just isn't programmed for it. "Girls and Boys" by Blur

Yeah, I thought it was really unfair to compare it to the movie. It's a live performance which means you have exactly one shot to get it right. The only flub I ever noticed was Liesel saying, "May I have my first taste of champagne? No?" Which should have been, "Yes?" Everyone in that product clearly put 200 percent into it, and I hope the fact that 18.5 million people watched it means that NBC will try this again. You gotta admit though, Adam...Rolf was hot. And a good singer. And really hot.

Given that Evan Lysacek is going out for the Olympics, JJ COULD be preparing for those. But I'm towards JJ being retired by 2010 or 2011.

Adam, you just gave me flashbacks to a letter you sent me six years ago when I told you that I was always going to take a grain of salt in whatever you had to say about you life because it's the internet. Wow. I do agree with you that have sex with someone once or twice who's of the sex that you're not normally geared towards doesn't really say much. It just says that you were horny, and you were with someone that you knew could take care of that, and well. It doesn't mean that you're sexually fluid...I thought the situation with "Trey" in Cross-Currents pretty much spoke to that. Trey let Andy blow him because he was easy and convenient, and he was able to close his eyes and pretend it was a girl blowing him. But Andy's body just didn't turn him on sexually.

Mark had JJ being due in February of 1986 for Man In Motion, but he had JJ come early to hit on my birthday. Thanks everyone. I'm planning on a low-key birthday with a few drinks tonight with a friend.

Our favorite little bitchy figure skating diva is 28 now. Where do you guys figured he'd be? My guess...crying about being "ancient" and drinking Green Apple martinis at a New York City bar with Johnny Weir and his entourage. Possibly after having gotten his monthly botox injection.

Did anyone else catch it? It was pretty cool to see a live musical broadcasted on network T.V. My favorite song from Sound of Music has always been 16 going on 17... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GJXEr6FAq4&feature=share Man, where were 17-year old guys with faces and voices like that when I was 16? This Rolf was suuuucccchhhh an upgrade over the movie one. He looks like a skinny, live-action version of Gaston from Beauty and the Beast.

1. Good point. Blue and I have joked about the fact that Zach and JJ should have started their own "I Hate Gathan" club, but JJ is the Classic Snobby Little Rich Kid, and I think Zach would be pretty be aware that JJ is just going to view him as poor white trash, even with a trust fund. (That he can't touch until 2010.) I don't think John is as snobby, but he's definitely going to be swayed into acting above Zach because of their history and around JJ. John comes off as someone who...I don't wanna say he "molds" himself into whoever he's around, but he knows how to read people and fit in accordingly. 2. True. 3. Blue is saying that Will's family and Zach's family basically think that Zach prostituted himself to Will and got a car out of it.

You COULD make JJ like that- I can see JJ being a miserly Scrounge. But more likely, I can see JJ as a guy who buys gifts to impress his friends, much like Robbie did. I wouldn't have been surprised if the swag bags for JJ's 15th birthday blow-out were absolutely ridiculous. JJ reminds me of this guy I used to talk to online, who was telling me about how he planned on buying expensive cufflinks for a guy he was just hooking up with. I don't think JJ would put a buck into the Salvation Army bucket, but he would do and buy anything to keep someone being his friend. Zach probably recognizes this, which is why Zach was slightly flirting with him. A gold digger can always recognize an easy mark. LOL. I think the thing about Tony is that he's a Cody trying to be a Max, and failing horribly. Meaning that he's someone who should be in open relationships instead of committed ones, but he tries to be something he's not. Not just a straight guy, but the guy who settles down and commits to a single person and starts a family, because that's what the Italian culture promotes. But it's not him even going beyond the straight thing, and that's where the tension is. I don't think it would suit Tony to get married and use a surrogate to have kids with his husbands when he's in his mid/late 20's, like I think is inevitable for Will. What I hope Tony winds up doing throughout the rest of college is to build up a group of openly LGBT friends who accept him for him, instead of the shallow losers he had as friends in St. Louis. Hopefully his soccer team will be similar to what we saw with Matt's hockey team in being generally accepting of him, as well.

Chapter 56 -For Tony and Will this chapter. "Beautiful Disaster" by 311

Dear god, if you had said this to Adam when he was my age, you would have gotten quite the earful. Geezus.

Right. If I can remember New Kids on the Block, you should be able to remember The Backstreet Boys.

Okay, so not Elizabeth Olsen for Marie. Damn, I thought I had that one nailed. Maybe Marie won't wind up as hipster queen as I thought. What about a young, natural blonde Olivia Wilde (The OC, Bones) as Marie? You look at young Olivia Wilde and know for damn sure that was not a girl hurting for boyfriends in high school, even before her nosejob. And she's always been kind of edgy and opionated. She was up for the Marissa part on the O.C., but did Skin instead. Kind of wonder what it might have been like if she had played Marissa instead of Mischa Barton. There's this rather hilarious clip where Olivia Wilde makes fun of Beliebers on T.V.: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAE-yThHKdw She won me over with that one. I now want her and Emma Stone to team up as wisecracking sisters in a movie.

Cross-Currents is a real story, though. The author has owned to it being real. There were guys who did say no to Andy. Adam just wrote about the ones who said yes, which seems like it came about 6-8 or so guys. Out of a team of probably at least 30-40 guys, that's not that huge.

Kevin actually has really nice ones, but you can only see one leg. Anyway, I remember that photo got my puberty racing back when I was 12. You were too young to get the appeal of the Backstreet Boys.

JJ Theme Songs: The Fame by Lady Gaga and Applause by Lady Gaga He's very on, for the most. I knew people who were like that- kind of like a male version of Rachel Berry from Glee. Ironically, I don't think JJ will be into Lady Gaga when she comes on the scene in 2008-2009. He strikes me more as being a Katy Perry type- more mainstream pop. I could see JJ liking Britney's Circus era, also.

Well, if these guys were about 35 and looked like Aaron Schock or Joseph Kennedy the III, THEN I could be really into it. (Thrown in Scott Brown as their house father.)

Damn it, I thought it was going to be a gay porn frat story.