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JSmith

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Blog Entries posted by JSmith

  1. JSmith

    So I'm a hypocrite

    By JSmith,

    Alright, so I'm always bashing and making fun of all those people who used the MySpace and Xanga and Facebook and everything like that saying they really need to get a life and stop spending so much time on the computer trying to create relationships and 'friends' through them and what not. Well, I gave in to peer pressure today at school. I was in my Personal Finance class where we have the computers in front of us the whole time, and the people around me convinced me to create a Facebook account.
     
    Well, the school blocks the Myspace and Facebook websites and emails coming in so we cant go there, but there's always ways around that so I made one. I started searching through the school that I'm at and saw that almost 1,500 out of 2,000 kids there had a Facebook account. I was kinda surprised that that many people actually made those things and used them.
     
    Anyways, I was searching through my high school 'network' and was going through the list of seniors and low and behold, who do I find... my 'hypothetical' Adam. So I clicked his and went to it and everything and what's the first thing I see on there? Interested in: Males. So now I'm 100% sure he's gay. Before I was only like 99% sure, but now I know for sure and I started to get my hopes up. Well, looking down another line, I see he's already in a long-term relationship with a guy that he really likes. My hopes came crashing back down.
     
    So now I feel a mixture of relief and sadness because at least I have an excuse as to why I shouldn't go after him, but then it's not like I could get him even if I wanted to because he's already seeing someone. Blah!
     
    ------------Switching Gears---------------
     
    Work! I walked in to work today and guess who I see there? Tim. Now, I don't talk about Tim that much in my blogs because it's a waste of breath, but a few people know who I'm talking about. He's a stupid, lazy, dumbass, homophobic, asshole. I, along with everyone that works there, hate him with a passion. I tried to ignore him and go talk to Heather, but as I walk past him, he says, "Hey Joe, did you enjoy National Coming Out Day?"
     
    It took a lot of will power not to just knock the living shit out of him right there. I was so tempted to just punch him in the face. But, I choose the high road and kept walking. First of all, that was yesterday, not today. And how would he know when it was anyways? I honestly think he's so far in the closet that he hasn't even come to terms with it himself yet.
     
    So I told my manager and he told me I should have punched him right there on the spot. I have a good relationship with my manager... he likes gay people and hates Tim So he was encouraging me to file a formal sexual harassment charge on Tim because it's not the first comment he's made, and Tim filed a harassment charge on Paul (the manager) before so he wanted revenge, but I held back and just told him to ignore it.
     
    Well, I learned a lot today. Not all of it was good, but it's nice to know.
     
    Joe
    (Who's feeling a lot of emotions going through him right now)
     
    EDITED TO ADD:
     
    So I also found out that the guy I talk with a lot in my Trig class is bi. I thought he was gay, but then dismissed it after he said he had a girlfriend. Who woulda thought he'd be bi
  2. JSmith

    Do you do it?

    By JSmith,

    So it's been a while since my last blog and I thought I was over-due for one. Let's see if I still remember how to do this.
     
    Hypothetical Situation:
     
    There's this guy that you know. You're not friends with him, you haven't talked to him, but you know him. He was in one of your classes and could possibly be classified as a 'friend-of-a-friend'. Now, you know he's gay. Or at least you assume he is from past experiences.
     
    So you're into him, you want to ask him out, or hell even just say 'hi'. You f**K up and you don't get the chance because Summer starts. Moving forward a few months, you're back in school again. You aren't in his class, but you see him in the halls sometimes. Turns out, he also lives down the street a ways from you. About a mile... if that.
     
    So here's where we get to the 'sticky' part. He shows no interest in you what-so-ever. You assume that he knows you're gay because you basically told him before. You tried (but failed) to make a conversation or make something happen. When you pass each other in the halls, he doesn't show any sign of recognition, no smile, no male 'head nod', nothing... You're very interested in him though. Maybe even too interested for not even really knowing him.
     
    What do you do? Do you suck it up, face the rejection you know is coming, and ask him out/talk to him anyways? Do you just burry it, and move on and find someone else? Do you try and 'accidentally' bump into him somewhere else?
     
    What would you do? How would you do it?
     
    [end Hypothetical Situation]
     
    Author's Note: This is pure fiction and does not reflect the author's life in any way *cough*
     
    Joe
    (Who is back to using the one liners at the bottom)
  3. JSmith

    Senior Pictures

    By JSmith,

    So nothing special tonight, but I got my senior picture proof sheets in the mail today. Here's what they looked like:
     
    http://www.gayauthors.org/tech/images/scan01.jpg
    http://www.gayauthors.org/tech/images/scan02.jpg
     
    I get to pick one of the plain-clothes to be in the school yearbook and one of the Tux ones for a family deal. I think I'm going to go with the bottom left on the plain-clothes and upper left on the Tux one.
     
    Anyways, it's way too late to still be up. School and work tomorrow. What a joy.
     
    Joe
    (Who can't wait until December 21st and there's no more school!)
  4. JSmith
    Well I had one of these last year at one point, but I never used the thing so I deleted it. I've had a lot going on in my life recently and need a place to vent besides Jeff, Viv, and Val. It seems all I ever do when I talk to them is bitch about one thing or another. So to give their ears a little break, I'm going to be posting in here a bit more.
     
    I seriously feel like finding one of those damn flowers and picking the petals off one by one going "He loves me, He loves me not." I would probably be closer to understanding how the hell he really felt if I did it that way than I do now. I mean, I may not be the most obvious guy when it comes to liking someone, but I made it pretty well known to him that I like him. Hell even my manager at work is having fun with this. Whenever Michael (the one I like) isn't around, he (Paul, the manager) always teases me and asks me if I like him or if I think he's cute.
     
    Come on! If HE can figure it out, then I can't be hiding it that much! And if he knows that I like him, but really doesn't like me in that way, then tell me! And stop flirting with me damn it! And if he is interested in me, then will you ask me out and stop beating around the bush!
     
    I hate that I get so caught up in things like this. Every time I find someone that I might have the slightest chance with, I always fall too hard for them. It doesn't happen often (except recently really), but when it does, I get way too involved and obsessive. It's sickening really. And by obsessive I don't mean I'm stalking him. I wouldn't have the time or patience to do that. I would get bored or distracted too easily. I just keep thinking about him way too much.
     
    Whenever we're together or around eachother, he makes it seem like he's interested. He's playful and flirty and just makes me feel good inside (yeah, I'm starting to get mushy here). But when we're not right there and we're talking online or on the phone, he just seems preoccupied, bored, and just overall uninterested. Like today I talked to him online. He was out of town for about a week at some camp and got back last night. He was sore and could barely get out of bed. So I talked to him around 10ish and he asked when I was going to see him next. So of course my mind started thinking, "wow, he's actually interested!"
     
    (the following is just what I can remember off the top of my head and may not be 100% accurate)
    Me: when do you want me to?
    Him: now
    Me: uh, I just had relatives come in town so I dont know if I can get out
    Him: come on, please!!!!
    *Delay while I think about how to ditch the family*
    Me: alright, where am I going then? (Note: He lives in the next town over and we've only met at places other than eachothers houses.)
    Him: hehe, well I didnt think you'd actually do it, but I cant go out right now. Im way too sore.
     
    ARGH! WHAT THE f**K!? I feel like banging my head on the wall over and over. But then that would attract my cousins up here and they're annoying enough as it is without asking me why I'm beating the crap out of myself.
     
    Why the hell cant people just tell you how they really feel!? (Coming from me, that doesnt mean much, but hey, it's my blog and I get to bitch!) I mean, is it that hard to say yes or no? And if I ask him and I get rejected, well... I just cant handle that. I'm way too insecure to deal with flat out rejection. I'd rather him not flirt with me if he's not interested. Give me one sign damn it! I'm confused enough as it is without someone screwing with me like this.
    ----------------------
     
    Well... I must say that felt a lot better finally getting all that out. Maybe I can get him off my mind now because it's not all bottled up. Hah! I wish...
     
    I'd be highly impressed if anyone actually read through all of that, but if you did, then I'm sorry for putting you through it
     
    Joe (Who is having way too much fun with all the ALT code symbol things! ♥♀♂☺)
  5. JSmith

    I really don't know...

    By JSmith,

    I'm not to sure of what just happened. I mean, I assumed that my mother started questioning a lot of things lately and she probably figured out, but I didn't really know.
     
    She came into my room and just had a rather short talk about god and miracles and then some little stories she had about miracles that happened to her. When she was done with those she handed me a Relic of Blessed Francis Xavier Seelos and said that if I said a certain prayer while I held it, then it had a healing power. She then basically said she knows about me... and zac for that matter... and said that she wished it was different and was sorry that I was going to have it so rough.
     
    Now at this point, I'm wondering what the hell she really meant and how she feels about this. I mean, she didn't exactly say, "hey, I'm fine with it" or "get the hell out of the house". More of a "If you use this, you can be 'healed'" types of things as if it were a sickness.
     
    Not really sure what to think or what to do at this point.
  6. JSmith
    Seriously, I don't know why I even bother trying to figure out how he feels. I mean, I have a reliable source telling me that he's screwing around with another guy (I think it's his ex), but he still gives me signals that says he's interested.
     
    Today for instance... my ass was grabbed like 30 times and he groped the front of me once. I'm not gonna lie and say I backed away or didn't like it. I sat there and smiled/giggled every time he did it. Which makes him think that I like it and want more (which I do).
     
    He also said something about how I havent called him in a while too. At which point I pointed out that he hasnt called me either. He kinda dodged that and made a joke about it and the subject was dropped.
     
    I haven't been the most helpful person in this situation and haven't actually asked him about any of this so it's as much my fault as it is his, but still. If you're interested, then say so. If you're not, then tell me so I can f**king move on. I hate this kind of crap.
     
    Moving on...
     
    I had a really... I dont know, I guess you could say 'hot' dream last night. I dreamt it was my first time having sex and that I was a bottom but I cant remember who I was with. Usually I cant remember dreams, and I didnt remember this one when I woke up, but about 30 minutes later I was like, "Hey, I had a sex dream!"
     
    In other news...
     
    I'm planning a trip down to Texas at the start of September. I haven't asked off from work yet, but I'm hoping that they wont care too much. I'd be gone for 3 days from the First - Third and get back on the fourth. I'm looking forward to it to say the least... I haven't been to my brother and sisters new condo yet, but theres also a few people I havent seen since I was there in March. Plus, there's a few GA members that I might get to see that live in the area while I'm down there
     
    I've rambled on enough so I'm going to call it a night.
     
    Joe
    (Who is contemplating giving up men and women and sticking to his hand for the rest of his life)
  7. JSmith

    Yep.

    By JSmith,

    Just to clarify so I don't have to answer this over and over, yes - I have a boyfriend.
     
    And no, it's not Michael. His name is Zac
     
    Joe
    (Who isn't going to answer anything else )
  8. JSmith

    It's a small one

    By JSmith,

    Well, now that I have everyone's attention... or at least the pervs' attentions, I should say that this isn't a pervy blog But it's going to be short and consist of me bitching
     
    So work was hell today. We were short people for a normal night, and tonight we got slammed with customers for some reason. Add that to the fact that there was a meeting with the top 10 GMs from around the country there and they witnessed our shortage of people. It wasn't fun. Especially because I had to work late. Working late with Tim is even worse. He's close minded, stupid, and slow as hell.
     
    I've been swamped with a lot of stuff lately, but I've got a few people helping me out when they can (thanks Jeff and Rob!) so it lessens my load a bit.
     
    School starts next week sometime. I'm not sure when yet, but I don't really care. I have four more months and then I'm done. And oh god am I looking forward to that day when I get to walk out and never go back.
     
    But, I said I would keep this short so I'm done
     
    Except to say that I think Michael is screwing around with another guy... so that kinda puts me in a downer mood. Not that we really had a 'thing' going on and we weren't official, but it still sucks. I don't know for sure, and it may just be a rumor. I hope it is because I really don't see him being the kind of guy that does that, but you never know.
     
    Joe
    (Whos going to keep adding these little lines at the end because he thinks it's fun )
  9. JSmith
    Ok, so I'm going off topic and not talking about Michael this blog. I know!
     
    This was posted on Comicality's seperate forums, but I thought some people here would like it too. If you don't agree with what he's saying, then dont post Thats why this isn't on the forums and in my blog.
     
    <param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dDQxs3Asms"></param><embed'>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dDQxs3Asms"></param><embed allowScriptAccess="never" allownetworking="internal" src="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dDQxs3Asms" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed>
     
    Joe :king:
  10. JSmith

    Wisconsinites...

    By JSmith,

    I got this in an email. You gotta love Wisconsinites
     
     
    Just a tip if any of you plan on visiting there And if you are there, then you're probably laughing your ass off right now
     
    Joe
    (Who is a native and loyal Wisconsinite)
  11. JSmith

    Thanks Everyone!

    By JSmith,

    So let me just start off by saying thank you to everyone that gave advice in my last blog!
     
    But... I didn't take any of it. I didn't have the chance before we ended up going out after work last night. Let me just say the night was very eventful and I lost a lot of things... and no, my virginity was not one of them! The main thing I lost was all the thoughts in my head that he wasnt interested. Because I'm pretty sure he is.
     
    None the less, thanks for the advice everyone I'm still stuck on a few things with him... like actually using the B word with him and finding out exactly what we are, but I can work on those.
     
    Anyways this was a pretty boring blog because I left out a lot of the details, but I was too lazy to type them all out again
     
    :king: Joe
    (Who is very happy at the moment... except about losing the button to my pants...)
  12. JSmith
    I posted this on MySpace a while back but I'll fill it out again
     
    TEN EMOTIONS.
    1. are you missing someone right now?: mmm yes
    2. are you happy? For the most part
    3. are you talking to anyone right now?: Nope, I just woke up
    4. are you bored?: Right now, no
    5. are you German?: If you looked at my last name there would be no doubt that I'm German
    6 are you Irish?: Just a little
    7. are you French?: No
    8. are you Italian?: No
    9. are your parents still married?: Yes though they had almost gotten a divorce several times
    10. do you like someone right now?: I'm assuming this means like like, so yes I do very much...
     
    TEN FAVORITES.
    1. store: I tend not to shop...
    2. flowers: I have no idea
    3. color: If you consider black a color, then black. Otherwise I'll go with a dark navy blue
    4. sport: Football all the way
    5. mall: Am I supposed to put my favorite mall or what? Because why not just give out my address instead for all the stalkers
    6. movie: Signs!
    8. season: It depends where I am so either Winter or Fall
    9. animal: I'm a dog person
    10. state: Anywhere but Texas
     
    TEN FACTS.
    1. hometown: Born in Milwaukee, WI, moved to Dallas, TX, then to Kansas City, MO, and back to Dallas, TX. I've lived most of my life in Dallas so I'll use that.
    2. hair color: Dark brown
    3. Birthday: It's in July
    4. hair style: I'll quote Kevin: "I recently cut it somewhat short, and have been gel-ing/spiking up the top/front. Blah, it's the standard gay boy haircut"
    5. eye color: Brown
    6. best friend: I'm going to have to say my fag-hag Jane
    7. mood: Right now I'm still tired
    8. skin color: White with a little tan
    9. available: Ask me again in 2 weeks...
    10. left/right-handed: Righty
     
    TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.
    1. have you ever been in love?: IN love, no
    2. do you believe in love: Yes
    3. why did your last relationship fail: Because he was an overcontrolling psycho?
    4. have you ever been heartbroken: Yep!
    5. have you ever broken someone's heart?: Probably, but I try not to do it on purpose
    6. have you ever fallen for one of your best friends: Nope
    7. have you ever liked someone but never told them: Of course! It's what I'm known for
    8. are you afraid of commitment: Not really
    9. has someone ever kissed your hand: last Friday actually
    10. have you ever had a secret admirer: If I knew then they wouldn't be very secret now would they
     
    TEN THINGS: THIS OR THAT.
    1. love or trust: Depends on the person!
    2. hard liquor or beer: I'll say hard liquor unless I'm playing Beer Pong
    3. night or day: Night all the way... the day sucks
    4. one night stands or relationships: Relationships
    5. television or internet: Internet of course!
    6. pepsi or coke?: I'm not picky
    7. wild night out or romantic night in: How about a wild night out that leads to a romantic night in?
    8. chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
    9. phone or in person: In person
    10. Love or Lust: Wasn't this question #1?
     
    TEN HAVE Y0U EVER
    1. have you ever been caught sneaking out?: Yeah but I still went out
    2. have you ever skinny dipped: Yes! So much fun!
    3. have you ever done something you regret: A few times
    4. have you ever sky dived: No but its one of my goals in life.
    5. have you ever been on a house boat: Yes
    6. have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker: Those normal sized ones yeah, but not those like 2 pound ones or whatever.
    7. have you ever liked someone so badly it hurt?: Yes
    9. have you ever danced in the rain?: Yes
    10. have you ever had a hang over?: Who, me?
     
    WHO
    1. Who was the last person you laughed with? My sister
    2. Who can cheer you up instantly?: A lot of people can
    3. Who do you think will make you smile tomorrow: Well I know who I want to make me smile, but I dont know if that'll happen
    4. Who is making the world a more terrible place to live in: Stupid people
    5. Who dominates the family: My family doesn't talk all that much
    6. Who is like a brother/sister to you: Jane
    7. Who is the youngest person you know: I'm not sure...
    8. Who makes the best dinner: My mom
    9. Who needs to chill: One of my managers who I hate
     
    WHAT
    1. What do you hope will happen next week: I hope I get to hang out with a certain someone again
    2. What would you name a newborn puppy: Firestone (Long story...)
    3. What relaxes you: Driving fast with the windows down and the radio all the way up
    4. What is the most difficult decision you had to make: I'm starting to come out to a lot more people so probably that.
    6. What's your style: Me
    7. What is your number one priority: Getting through life
    8. What is the worst movie you've ever seen: Too many to choose from.
    9. What do you want for Christmas: A relationship?
     
    WHEN
    1. When is it a good time to be truthful: When they least expect it
    2. When was your last break-up: With a longer relationship it was back in November
    3. When do you take time for yourself: Not enough to be honest
    4. When is the next time you'll see your best friend: Within the next few nights
    5. When will world hunger end: When the world doesn't exist anymore
    6. When was your last bad hair day: Today
    7. When do you usually take a shower: Before I go to bed
    8. When are you going to go on your next date: Hopefully soon, but that doesn't look so promising anymore
    9. When will emo kids grow up: Huh?
    10. When did you first learn about sex: A LONG time ago. I'll leave it at that
     
    WHY
    1. Why do you feel the way you do right now: Because I always think about the bad things going on in my life instead of the good
    2.Why are teenagers becoming more apathetic: Because we're better than you
    3. Why did you say the meanest thing you've ever said: She ate my cookie so I called her a fatass and meant it....
    4. Why can't perfection exist: Then theres nothing to strive for in life
    5. Why is gay marriage illegal: Because our government is lead by dumbasses
    6. Why, in your opinion, are some countries more privileged than others: I'd say leadership
    7. Why is your father the way he is: If you find out let me know
    8. Why do bad things feel so good: Because if they were good things, then everyone would be doing it.
    9. Why would you hurt someone, if you ever did: I don't physically hurt people, and I don't emotionally hurt people unless they really do deserve it
    10. Why did you go online today: Because my Internet-Anonymous Group has failed me
     
    SPILL YOUR GUTS
    Q. First thing you did this morning?: Push my damn dog off my head
    Q. The last thing you ate?: A Twix!
    Q. What's something you look forward to most in the next 6 weeks?: Hopefully finding a relationship, but finishing the school year is a nice plus
    Q. What's annoying you right now?: Nothing really. I guess the way time just keeps on moving when it would be nice if it stopped for a bit.
    Q. What's the last movie you saw?:Im always annoyed
    Q. Do you believe in long distance relationships?: I think they can last for a short time, but if its too long I think one or both people will eventually move on
    Q Where is the last place you went?: Albertsons last night
    Q: Who is the last person you called?: Katie
    Q: Been cheated on?: Not that I know of
    Q: Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?: If they are I hope its good thoughts
    Q: Do you wish on stars?: yeah
    Q: Did it work?: No, but I still do it anyway
    Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?: Not unless the shoelaces come untied on their own
    Q: When did you last cry?: Its been a while
    Q: Do you like your handwriting?: Nope
    Q: Are you a friendly person?: Unless you force me to be unfriendly
    Q: Are you keeping a secret from the world?: Im not totally out so I guess
    Q: Who's bed did you sleep in last night?: Sadly mine
    Q: What color shirt are you wearing?: I'm not... (I just woke up leave me alone!)
    Q: Do you have any pets?: My puppy Mitch
    Q: What is the color of your bedsheets?: Black
    Q: What were you doing at 9 last night?: I usually don't keep track of the time...
    Q: Last person you talked to: The little man inside my head
    Q: When is the last time you saw your dad?: Actually that was 2 days ago. I hadnt talked to him for months before that, but he was in town. As an 'I'm happy to see you' gift I got his 2007 Eclipse in an accident
    Q: Look to your left: A wall...
    Q: Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yep
    Q: Ever cried on your friends shoulder?: Yep
    Q: Song that makes you cry?: I don't listen to songs that make me cry
    Q: Are you a normally happy person?: Not really
     
     
    1. Smoked a cigarette: *sigh* when I was drinking, but I blame Jeff for that
    2. Smoked a cigar: Nope
    3. Drank so much you threw up: Once again, that was Jeffs fault. I hadnt done it until San Antonio
    4. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back: Of course
    5. Been arrested: No
    6. Gone on a blind date: No but I've always wanted to
    7. Skipped school: Haha who hasnt
    8. Seen someone die: No
    9. Been to Canada: Yep
    10. Been to Mexico: Nope
    11. Been on a plane: Many many times
    12. Been lost: Heh all the time
    13. Been on the opposite side of the country: Yep
    14. Swam in the ocean: When I was like 6
    15. Felt like dying: At a certain point in my life, yes
    17. Played cops and robbers: Yes, of course
    18. Recently colored with crayons: Nope
    19. Sang karaoke: Not on a stage no
    20. Paid for a meal with only coins: Haha yeah but that was just to piss the person off because I knew them
    21. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't: I have a bad habbit of doing that
    22. Made prank phone calls: Yep
    23. Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose: Yes
    24. Caught a snowflake on your tongue: I love doing that!
    26. Written a letter to Santa Clause: Yes
    27. Been kissed under the mistletoe: No, but someday I will damn it!
    29. Blown bubbles: Yes
    30. Made a bonfire on the beach: Not on the beach, no
    31. Crashed a party: No Im usually invited
    32. Gone roller-skating: Yep
     
    Personal questions to know you better:
     
    1. Nicknames? Joe, Joey, Joseph, and plenty of others that I'd rather not say
     
    2. Mother's name? Pam
     
    3. What is your favorite drink? Define 'Drink'
     
    4. Tattoos? Nope
     
    5. Body piercing? None
     
    6. How much do you love your job? I despise it with a passion!
     
    7. Birthplace: Wisconsin
     
    8. Favorite vacation spot? Anywhere but here.
     
    9. Ever been to Africa? Nope
     
    10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Haha yeah
     
    11. Ever been on TV? Not that I know of, and I hope to keep it that way
     
    12. Ever stole any traffic signs? Haha yeah quite a few actually
     
    13. Ever been in a car accident? 2 Days ago actually! But we didn't call the cops or report it so legally no.
     
    14. Was it your fault? No, I was stopped at a red light and he ran into me
     
    15. 2 doors or 4? 4 Because I'm usually the one that drives with my friends
     
    16. Favorite salad dressing? Ranch
     
    17. Favorite pie? I consider Cheesecake a pie because it doesnt have frosting. So cheesecake
     
    18. Favorite number? Seven
     
    20. Favorite holiday? Forth of July
     
    21. Favorite dessert? Cheesecake once again
     
    22. Favorite food? I don't really have one
     
    23. Favorite day of the week? Friday or Saturday
     
    24. Favorite brand of body soap? I use Axe
     
    25. Favorite TV show? Greys Anatomy all the way!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    26. Favorite Toothpaste? Whatever I grab off the shelf
     
    27. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? 10 years from now I won't be living in Texas hopefully... and if I am, it wont be anywhere near family.
     
    28. What do you do when you are bored? Whatever there is to do at the time... like fill out these stupid quizes
     
    **************************
     
    And that's more than enough information to supply a stalker for a while so I'm going to go find something to do before work
     
     
    Joe
    (Who really has to pee after holding it in while filling that out!)
  13. JSmith

    How?

    By JSmith,

    I don’t know how they do it. Honestly, I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I really can’t fathom how some people are as out as they are. I can understand when you’re out of the house and you don’t have to worry about being kicked out or anything, but for those teens that still are living with their parents and are completely out, I applaud them for their courageousness.
     
    I’m not even living with my parents anymore, my mom already knows about me, I assume my brother knows, my sister is iffy but I know she won’t really care too much, but I still can’t take the step and just f**king tell people. I mean, if I do start telling people, there’s a good chance that I’ll lose a few friends right now. Which isn’t really that bad considering I’m basically starting over and I’ll end up meeting a lot of new people at college. And if I’m out now, then the friends I make at college will already know and I can really be myself.
     
    It seems like such a simple decision, but it’s those 3 or 4 people that I know wouldn’t accept it that stops me I think. I hate that I’m so susceptible to what others think about me. It doesn’t even matter if I despise the person; I still care what they think. It sucks. On one hand I want to be myself. I want to be open and able to do what I want without thinking about how others will think of me. On the other, I just can’t. The years of living how I have and the friends I’ve made I guess are holding me back.
     
    Sometimes I do think about what it would be like to just say f**K it all, I don’t care if you like me or not, this is who I am, accept it or don’t. It’s a really attractive offer that I’m more than capable of doing, but somehow I always talk myself out of it for one reason or another. I think it’s time for me to really think about how I’m going to live my life starting with the New Year.
     
    This blog really doesn’t have a purpose other than to let loose some of the things I’ve been thinking about lately. When I opened my blog I was going to post a funny story about what happened today, but somehow ended up getting sidetracked and posted this instead. Meh, oh well.
     
    Joe
    (Who finally had an awesome dream last night, but is sad it’ll never come true)
  14. JSmith

    "At Random"

    By JSmith,

    The following poem isn't mine, but I did think it was special when I read it. This poem goes out to a few people in my life right now, but there's one person that I'm hoping will read this and understand it's for him.
     
     
    Joe
    (Who is sad to see bad things happen to good people)
  15. JSmith

    Nothing specific...

    By JSmith,

    Like the title says... I don't really have anything new to post, but I need to pass time before I head to work, so I decided to write a new entry.
     
    Speaking of work, we're finally getting a new person (who starts tonight) to help out. Hopefully that means some of my hours will be cut. I don't like this School, work, home, sleep, repeat crap... it gets rather boring after a while Plus, I don't plan on staying there for too much longer. Though I'd hate to quit and leave everyone there, I really need to find something better. I'll probably wait until December to do that so I can find a day job and then go to college night classes instead, but who knows.
     
    Thanks to everyone for the comments on the senior pictures. I don't remember which ones she picked. I think she did the bottom left for both the casual and formal, but I didn't pay attention when she told me. Oops.
     
    Once again, thanks to everyone for the help with the 'hypothetical situation' that I posted. An extra thanks to Viv and Jeff for holding the hypothetical friend's pansy-assed hand through it even though the friend decided to suck it up and move on.
     
    I honestly hate school right now. The days seem to drag on forever and the weeks never end! Then the weekends are so short because of work that it makes everything even worse. It sucks! The one good thing though, is that I have a sculpture class where the teacher is completely oblivious to anything anyone does on the class. So I made a really cool looking penguin thing for Val for Christmas... I just need to wait until the teacher fires it before I can send it to her
     
    I have a real bad cold right now too. And to make it worse, you have to be 18 to buy god damn cold medicine! Stupid laws and their stupid age restrictions. Blah!
     
    On a different note, I think I'm being flirted with a lot at school by a girl in one of my classes. I haven't been paying too much attention due to another situation, so I can't say for sure, but I'm almost positive she's been hitting on me for the past week. Oh well...
     
    Joe
    (Who is learning more creative ways to deal with stress)
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