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JamesSavik

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  1. JamesSavik

    The Company

    By JamesSavik,

    What the heck is going on with this story?! It's 200 thousand words in twelve chapters.
    It is experimental: a sort of limited stream of consciousness novel that could easily grow to a million or more words.
    I have a cast of characters that takes up a database. I'm having fun with it and I  have a purpose for it.
    I'm working on the craft, work process and self editing, so I can get out more material quicker. There's no better way to do it than jump in the deep water.
    Yeah- the chapters are long. There's a lot to chew on and, I get a chance to take a stick and wack some issues that a lot of us are entirely too smug about.
    There is a lot of good eighties nostalgia and, a look back at some stuff we don't like to think much about.
    Get ready. There's a new chapter in the oven.
  2. JamesSavik
    Nobody on the road
    Nobody on the beach
    I feel it in the air
    The summer's out of reach

    Empty lake, empty streets
    The sun goes down alone
    I'm driving by your house
    Though I know you're not home 

    Kids are in school. Workers back to the ant hive. It's still hot as hell. Upper nineties for the last few weeks.
    That leaves the pool at my gym just about perfect. The water warm and clear. Just like my memory before things got cold and muddy.
    I dive in like a time warp. I hear long silent laughter and squeals.
    Alone in the pool of dreams I swim and soak in their warmth.
    Getting old sucks. At some point everybody you give a shit about has died.
    You have to wonder why am I still here?
    Is it some cosmic punishment to outlive your family, lovers and friends?
    Is it supposed to hurt like this?
    Scotch would help but, no. I'm sober for this horror show.
    You have to find new joys. Like this pool, abandoned for the summer but still perfectly serviceable.
    Clear, clean and free of toddler piss.
    Even in September there can still be joys. Even the small ones matter.
    Maybe, even especially, the small ones matter.
     
     
    Lyrics from the Boys of Summer by Don Henley
  3. JamesSavik
    Before they came, we silly humans thought it would be the coolest thing ever to meet aliens. We forgot what happened in our own history when primitive cultures met more advanced cultures with technology maybe fifty or a hundred years more advanced.
    Then came Chris Columbus the Conehead from somewhere in the general direction of the constellation we call the Southern Cross. That wasn't his name or his races name. That was unpronounceable to humans. Good old Chris was an entrepreneur. He offered to sell us ten super nifty high capacity fusion reactors and a few other high tech gadgets for a few tons of precious metals.
    This started a bidding war among the nations of earth and Chris made out like the bandit that he really was. That is until the Butt-heads showed up. It turned out that Chris the Cone-Head had stolen the fusion reactors and other gadgets from an Interstellar Alliance Supply Depot and the Butt-Heads were not amused, nor were they happy that he had gifted them to savages. The Butt-Heads were a strange outfit that were supposed to protect primitive species from exploitation, cultural or technological contamination called the Native Protection Bureau (NPB, yes there are bureaucracies in the future). They arrested Chris, impounded his ship and demanded we return the reactors and assorted junk. We, the United States, Canada and Mexico, argued that we had just spent a kings ransom on our reactor and junk and needed a refund. The Butt-Heads launched a salvo of 100 kilogram kinetic energy darts into our heartland to show their displeasure. That really sucked for Kansas and Nebraska.
    The Chinese agreed to return one of their reactors which the Butt-Heads promptly retrieved took to their ship where it exploded with a force of ten megatons taking out the Butt-Head cruiser and Chris the Cone-headed con artist.
    Three months later another Butt-Head ship arrived. We blamed Chris the Conehead for the whole debacle and asked them nicely to go away. The Butt-Heads still wanted the reactors but by this time we had reverse engineered them, learned some really nifty new tricks and were making our own. We returned them, and the Butt-Heads left.
    While they were in orbit, a gifted Czech hacker downloaded their database. Apparently the Butt-Heads never heard of data security, hackers or dealt with primitives that had. Yeah, humanity!. It took a bank of quantum computers about five years to translate it all and analysts are still going over it all these years later. That is how we found out what a huge dumpster fire our galaxy really is.
    Historically, racism was a problem for humanity but often it was mostly just cultural differences, and we got over it. Wrap your mind around the idea of species-ism. Every advanced race thinks they are the cats own balls and are absolutely sure they are the superior species, intellect, moral authority and have God on speed dial.
    The galaxy is divided into four large coalitions: the Butt-Head Alliance, the Raving Religious Fuk-wads, the Assembly of Genocidal Lunatics and the Coalition of Cut-throats and Pirates. To our disgust, it turns out the Butt-Heads are the pick of the litter. There are some independent powers but to stay that way they have to lean in the direction of one of the big dogs. The Big Dogs of the galaxy are always at war, hot or cold, with each other. The Butt-Head Alliance was nice enough to protect the primitive species in their space from the other powers who would arrive and take all the slaves (or meat) and goods they wanted. Fortunes of the great powers in the galaxy fluctuated, but they were all too large to fall in a rush. They existed at a sort of stalemate/equilibrium point while  working desperately hard to gain the upper hand. Lots of things we had hoped to put behind us as a race, were back, and we found humanity on the wrong end of it. Slavery, genocidal wars, piracy: all those old favorites are new again.
    To the Galactics, humans are dangerous primitives with fusion sharpened spears and arrows. Well, good for us. The longer they avoid us, the tougher the nut we'll be when they do come back.
    Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm not a species-ist. I just hate the aliens who would wipe us out, perhaps eat us and strip mine the earth. Unfortunately, that's most of them.
    I bet you though humans were the only assholes in the galaxy. Hell, in comparison, we're mere babes in the woods dealing with the East India Company.
     
  4. JamesSavik
    A friend of mine posted the various flags of the LGBTQWTF alphabet soup idiocy. There's the good old reliable Pride flag that everybody used to like colorful with its rainbow of colors. Then there were flags for lesbians, bisexuals, transsexuals, asexuals, pansexuals and WTF-else-sexuals. Why do we need or want this Balkanization?
    The first symbol I ever saw of the gay movement was the pink triangle. It dates back to the Holocaust. It was the symbol the Nazis put on gay people in the death camps where they were sent to be raped and worked to death. Researchers think between four hundred thousand and half a million GLBT people died in those camps alongside Jews, gypsies and other undesirables of Hitler's Reich.
    Not long after the Holocaust there was another, quiet holocaust against GLBT people. It was perpetrated by medical doctors looking to "cure" gay people. It took the form of lobotomies and electroshock therapy. It cured sexual deviance by destroying the person.
    We have forgotten that the Gay Movement was not started because of a bar riot in Greenwich Village. It was started by people who merely wanted to survive.
    That puts the circus that Pride has become in some perspective.

  5. JamesSavik
    The Company - Chapter 5 - White Knight
    Out now

     
    Questions Answered-
    Where in Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, Arkansas, Louisiana or Mississippi does the story take place?
    The answer is... yes.
    The setting is fictionalized. If you're familiar with the region, the place names will sound familiar but not quite right.
    Think of Faulkner's Yoknapatawpha county.
     
    Why is AIDs such a big deal in the story?
    The innocence of youth is a beautiful thing. In 1986 there wasn't a bigger deal than AIDS if you were gay. Everybody lived under its shadow and it was a death sentence. Everyone knew someone who died. Anal didn't really become a lost art but, lot's of people either gave it up or cut way back.
    I'm glad younger people don't know what it was like. I think the term is maximum suckage.
     
    What' s with all the trucks?
    It's the south. Trucks get you to work and work for you. Many, if not most, young men in rural parts of the south, and in the south rural is never that far away and where we work & play, would prefer to have a truck over anything else.
     
    Why doesn't Tom have a cell phone?
    They don't exist yet. Neither does the interwebz. He will bow to the inevitable and get a pager and you'll see what fun those were.
     
    The hobby? No shit?
    I've heard it called that in some places but it's not universal. In many rural areas with a lot of isolation it worked that way. Take a few belts of moonshine and a toke or two of country boy homegrown, it'll make more sense.
     
     
  9. JamesSavik
    When you make a video please keep these points in mind:
    -get to the point
    -get to the point
    -get to the point
    -get to the point
    -get to the point
    -brevity is the soul of wit
    -you have 15 seconds to get my attention. GET TO THE F-ing POINT! I do not want to waste time on someone babbling.
    -That 5 minute title, music and stuff you did at the front end of your video? No one watched past 30 seconds. STOP THAT!
    -once you are done, watch your own video. Is it bat-shit crazy? Does it posit nonsense without rational explanation? If yes, set it on fire and don't inflict it on people.
    -Have you taken your meds? No? Take them and watch it again. Is it bat-shit crazy? Does it posit nonsense without rational explanation? If yes, set it on fire and don't inflict it on people.
    -The number one way to marginalize yourself is to post an hours worth of exposition, bore the shit out of people or give them nonsense in the end.
    -In fact most of you people making bullshit videos should probably just stop.
     
    Here are a few people/channels that do it right. Watch and learn. They DO NOT make bullshit videos.
    The Truth Factory - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2aQGaCZjQC1lM3DOwbCIFw
    Freedom Tunes - https://www.youtube.com/user/Cartanimation
    No Bullshit - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZNk7Jjb2t8EuBdgn4Zj1cw
    Black Pigeon Speaks - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmrLCXSDScliR7q8AxxjvXg
    Conservative Resurgence - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNqxhIYa4fm8N1luObicd8w
    Sargon of Akkad -https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-yewGHQbNFpDrGM0diZOLA
    Suspicious Observer - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTiL1q9YbrVam5nP2xzFTWQ
    Black Pilled - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvaHgYcWAAcn5D54w4Dqezg
  10. JamesSavik

    Don Quixote Redux

    By JamesSavik,

    Government secrecy has become habitual because it keeps the peasants from asking embarrassing questions, allows the real crooks to hide and they can punish anyone that exposes the truth.
    -JS
     
  11. JamesSavik
    Collaborative stories can be fun but, sometimes they can be a pain. There have to be ground rules and unless you want a grand mess on your hands, a consensus on setting, characters, and just how far you can go.
     
    I was the trail boss for a collaborative story some years ago called Collision. It still out there somewhere. CRVBoy's I think. It was fun to do and it turned out to be a good read.
     
    While I NEVER want to be trail boss again, it could be fun to collaborate. It all depends on the genre, what you like to write and how it's organized.
     
    See if this gets you interested:
     


  12. JamesSavik
    On Scientific Consensus

    Alfred 1 Wegener (1880-1930) was a German meteorologist who picked up an interest in geology.

    He wondered why some of the continents like Africa and South America fit together almost like a key.
    (1) He began to wonder: do continents move?

    In Victorian times such an idea seemed ludicrous as every good Christian fundamentalist knew that the world was 10.000 years old.

    (2) Anyone who might suggest processes like Wegener s or his contemporary James Hutton that took place over hundreds of millions of years was obviously daft.

    But Wegener s suggestion that continents actually did move over time answered questions in biology.

    (3) Why are there related species on the different continents but- they are obviously distant relatives. Obviously well adapted for their environments, similar but obviously related.

    This did not prove Continental drift but, it certainly made a case for further investigation.

    (4) Wegener suffered for his outlandish theory. No one in the scientific community gave his ideas any credence and, he didn't get tenure at a prestigious university. In fact he was a laughing stock.

    (5) He died at the age of fifty doing field work in Greenland.

    However- his theory did not die. It didn't come back in a coherent theory until the technology was developed to gather the data needed to prove that continents did indeed move.

    (6) The theory of Plate tectonics was born and still remains controversial in some circles but it is now a theory with hard data to back it up.

    (7) This is a theme repeated time after time in science.

    If someday someone will comes up with a theory better than plate tectonics, then science will adopt it. Otherwise, it works, it explains how demonstrable phenomena works and it can be measured.

    (8) Always be skeptical when someone tells you that the science is settled.

    Skepticism is the way of science: someone has an idea (hypothesis), then we test, test, test it. If it works, it becomes a theory. If not, we go back to the drawing board.

    (9) Science is never static. Our understanding of our selves, our planet and our universe is always changing.

    Anyone that tells you the science is settled doesn't have a clue how science works.

    (10) If the history of science is any guide, the "consensus" is wrong more than its right. We need mavericks like Wegener to show us a new way of looking at our world.

    The big question now is our climate changing?

    Yes. It has changed numerous times.

    (11) Climate in geological time has changed for a number of reasons from comet bombardment, volcanic out-gassing and variations in solar output.

    The question of the age is that climate change man made or is it a natural cycle like a Grand Solar minimum.

    (12) This question is by no means settled. Both hypothesis have their merits.

    Pretending that we know this answer is the worst sort of scientific hubris.

    We don't know. We need to know because both models will treat 7 billion humans harshly.   Only one is the right answer and getting it wrong would be a disaster.

    (13)
  13. JamesSavik
    I got that call that you don't want today.
     
    I've been dreading it. I hoped it would take longer.
     
    My brothers battle with cancer is over. He's going home for hospice care. 
     
    We don't know how long he'll last but it's not expected to be long. 
     
    This is why I've been away a lot. Silly cat pictures is about all I can manage at the moment. 
     
    I'll be back. 
     
     
  14. JamesSavik

    Big & Tall Blues

    By JamesSavik,

    XXL does not equal 2XLT.
     
    XXL means short and fat.
     
    2XLT means large, tall and amazing. 
     
    XXL is big and wide. Sorta like a circus tent. It does not fit well. It fits like a tarp. It often exposes the innocent public to the dreaded plumber's crack.
     
    2XLT is a large size but it's long for tall people. Not short for W  I  D  E people. 
     
    Insist on 2XLT on all of your internet dating and orders for large, tall and amazing.
     
    It shows off my six pack abs and pecs best. 
     

  15. JamesSavik

    15 years

    By JamesSavik,

    15 years with no drugs or drinking.
     
    Holy shit.
     
    I remember when missing out for a day or a few days was... really uncomfortable.
     
    When I first started writing, I got some flak about including a lot of drugs. Well, they did say write what you know. When I first really started writing, that's what I knew.
     
    It took a while but I move on. I still dream about the... never mind. 
     
    What I find is sad is that a lot of gay people have trouble in recovery. There are a few predators out there talking recovery that just want to hook up. 
     
    Well... who doesn't? Growing up means figuring out what's appropriate. 
     
    The winners learn and the losers lose. 
     
    It's Darwinian in a way- like tempering steel. If the blade if flawed, when heated, it will break. If the steel is good, it just gets harder.
     
    Be the blade.
     
     
  16. JamesSavik

    It's not just nostalgia

    By JamesSavik,

    It's not just nostalgia. Despite the scores of made for TV series being made, the older ones were better. MUCH BETTER.
     
    Chances are if you turn your TV on, you will watch one of several formulas: situation comedy (shit Comms), medical dramas or police procedurals. There are a few variations but not very many. It's what Hollywood knows how to do and they make them like an assembly line of Toyotas.
     
    It doesn't take too long to notice that there are really only about fifty themes and they make them over and over again. 
     
    You can blame writers unions. There might be something to that. 
     
    You can blame the studios. There's definitely something to that.
     
    Blame the viewer for not turning them off. Blame the advertisers for branding their mediocrity.
     
    There is a REAL difference between golden age TV and the shit that is being excreted today. The difference is in the writing. The writers for golden age TV were not TV writers. They were writers of plays, short stories and novels. They had writing experience outside of the movie and television echo chamber.
     
    If you want to see something really different, there are three old series that are really worth looking up: Perry Mason, The Twilight Zone and The Outer Limits.
     
    Should you look these up and watch a few episodes here are a few things to look for. In Perry Mason, look at the way the episodes are structured. The writers used the traditional 5 act structure. It's not brilliant. It just the same thing that's been working since Aristotle's Poetics.

    If you look at the Twilight Zone or the Outer Limits, notice that these are plays derived from short stories. Also notice that they were originally written by some pretty big name sci-fi authors. 
     
    What we're getting now is... 

     
    Modern telecommunications technology can deliver hundreds of independent channels. There's just no excuse for there being nothing worth watching on any of them.
     
    Things are happening. Billion dollar productions are falling on their face. It will take a few of them going broke on their formulas. 
     
    It will be the innovators that survive and thrive. The innovation that can most easily and most likely turn things around is looking to the traditional elements of drama and apply good writing.
     
    That will work and has worked every time it's been tried.
     
     
  17. JamesSavik
    A few years ago I was fat and out of shape. I got tired of it and decided to do something about it. 
     
    Over several years I went to the gym 3 or 4 times a week. I didn't do anybody's insanity workout. I studied and talked to some people and came up with plans that would work for me. 
     
    Sometimes I missed. Sometimes things came up and just didn't have time. I was sick on occasion but, more often than not, I went. 
     
    I went down from 300 to 240- over time. I haven't looked or felt this good in years.
     
    Fast forward to February of this year- I discovered that my older brother has bone marrow cancer and needs a stem cell transplant to have any chance at remission or a cure. 
     
    The hospital he went to, SCCA(1), immediatly began screening me as a donor. They didn't like my age. People over 40 don't produce as many stem cells. They tested me and found me to be a 10 point match.
     
    Earlier this month I flew out to Seattle and underwent the physical from hell where I discovered: 1) I'm healthy  2) I'm not just healthy but in the top 10% for men my age bracket healthy 3) My cardiovascular health was such that I could be a donor.
     
    I know WHY I decided to get in shape. It was something I did for myself. It turned out to be about more than just me. 
     
    That fat guy from 3 years ago- he wouldn't have made the cut. 
     
     
    _________________________
    1- Seattle Cancer Care Alliance
  18. JamesSavik

    Donating Stem Cells

    By JamesSavik,

    Stem cells are a critical part of the human immune system. The sit beneath white cells and T-cells and usually reside in the bone marrow.
     
    In certain types of cancers like leukemia and bone marrow cancer, the damaged stem cells must be cleaned out by chemotherapy and radiation and re[laced by healthy stem cells. Those stem cells establish themselves and go to work.
     
    This is very tricky as small genetic variations can cause disaster. An identical twin would be the best match. Then statistics and probability take over.  Sometimes related donors but only 1 out of 4 times.
     
    I'm donating for my older brother. He's pretty sick with an aggressive form of bone marrow cancer.    
     
    The way this works is that you are given an injection of a drug that makes the stem cells all frolic and gets  them moving around. You take three injections over three days. Down side is that it makes you feel like you have the flu with sore joints and all over aches. 
     
    On the fourth and fifth days they connect you to a machine and collect the stem cells for transplantation.
     
    It's not very exciting. All I want to do is sleep. And take Tylenol. I feel like crap but it'll pass quickly after we stop taking that drug.
     
    I just hope it works.  
     
      
  19. JamesSavik

    Back to Seattle

    By JamesSavik,

    Tomorrow I fly back to Seattle.
     
    Jeez that town needs a Cajun Restaurant. 
     
    I wonder how I would do there selling Po-boys and gumbo. The seafood there is great but needs a touch of BAM.
     
    Damn. Now I'm hungry and think about jambalaya with chicken, sausage and shrimp.
     
    But I digress. I'll be there to donate stem cells for my brother. 
     
    This procedure will cure or kill him. As we're so genetically compatible, it's his best shot. Only an identical twin would be better.
     
    It won't be a picnic for me. The drugs they'll give me to stimulate stem cell production won't be pleasant. 
     
    Maybe I can slip out for some fish & chips. 
     
    Tomorrow there will be a Cajun in Seattle and he'll be hungry.
  20. JamesSavik

    Update

    By JamesSavik,

    I have had an extensive physical at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and am in great shape.
     
    I have been tested for all sorts of viruses and conditions and have none of  them.
     
    I am in great shape and will be an excellent stem cell donor for my brother- who has bone marrow cancer.
     
    We expect to give him the transplant around the 1st week of September.
     
    Since we are such a good match, that ups his chances for recovery considerably.
     
    This is excellent news for our family and, we're going out for a steak tonight. 
     
    I will be flying home in the morning.
  21. JamesSavik

    Hammerhead 19

    By JamesSavik,

    I had to publish 19 before it was really ready. 
     
    I'm flying out to Seattle in the morning to be with my brother for a few days as he's undergoing chemo at the Seattle Cancer Care Clinic.
     
    If I'm healthy enough I will donate stem cells for him which will give him a shot at recovery or at least remission. 
     
    Real life is a pain sometimes. 
     
    It gets in the way of important stuffs like writing. 
     
    Next chapter will return to the Stonegarden system for fun and games with the toasters.
     
    Hope to see ya there.
  23. JamesSavik

    BAD SCIENCE

    By JamesSavik,

    One of Scientific America's stories this month is: New Data: Hurricanes Will Get Worse
     
    New data from hurricane Harvey last year gives the author the ideas that hurricanes will be bigger, more frequent and cause tooth decay.
     
    OK. I added tooth decay. He might as well add tooth decay because that is as easily inferred from ONE SINGLE DATA SET.
     
    If I had turned in this paper, my advisor would have ripped me a new one. HOW are you supposed to make general observations about a phenomenon like hurricanes from one data set???
     
    The ONLY REASON you would do that is because the data set is saying what you want it to say. 
     
    Down South here we are very familiar with the big, honking hurricane that blow through occasionally and rewrite the map.  We have learned something very interesting about them.
     
    The killer storms come in years corresponding with the Solar Minimum. It's a cycle the sun goes through every eleven years. 
     

     
    Last year when the big storms hit: Harvey, Maria and Irma, do a little math. What was almost ~11 years before? Remember Katrina(? ~Eleven years before that? Hurricane John. 11 years before that? Alice in 1983. Agnes in 1972. Ester and Carla in 1961. In 1950 there were 6. 1939 there were 6. 1928 there were 4 including the Okeechobe Hurricane that killed 4,000. In 1917 there were 7 hurricanes including Nueva Gerona Hurricane- the strongest hurricane to hit Florida until Andrew in 1992 (a year off the tick). 
     
    What we are being told- climate change is driving bigger storms. Based on Harvey.  ONE STORM.
     
    What is the data REALLY saying??? Based on 100 years of storm data???  Solar minimums drive bigger storms and clusters of storms. 
     
    Solar minimum years and their cusps (the year ahead or behind the minimum) have had some of the most devastating storms in history.
     
    Remember THAT when you read someone's work when they talk about data gathered from ONE storm.
  24. JamesSavik

    The change

    By JamesSavik,

    A couple of years ago I was fat. Not pleasantly plump. Not healthy. Fat.
     
    It happens when you get older and don't change diet and exercise more. I got into the work, home, work cycle. I let things go and HOLY CRAP, HOW DID I GET TO BE ALMOST 300 pounds!?
     
    No one was more surprised than me. I didn't see myself as fat. Other people saw me as fat and it shows in a lot of ways. People aren't as welcoming. They size you up in a few milliseconds and, what they decide isn't good for you. 
     
    If its dealing with a bureaucracy, you'll get every possible form and sit in every possible line. At the doctors office, you'll get called last.  In line at fast food, they won't really listen to your order. All of these consequences come from that millisecond evaluation.
     
    It's different when you aren't fat. In a bureaucracy like the DMV, they'll tell you how to get done quicker. At the doctors office, you get seen quicker. In a fast food joint, they are more attentive. 
     
    You can really tell the difference when other peoples millisecond evaluation process doesn't pop up, FAT ASS.
     
    Oh sure, you can still be an ass but, if you have a nice ass, people don't care nearly as much.
     
    Given a choice, it's much preferable to walk around and interact with a world with a nice ass than a fat ass.
     
    IT REALLY DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
     
    People are more polite. Some people are even differential. People that you saw everyday FAT, treat you differently NOT FAT.
     
    It's odd. It shouldn't really matter but, apparently it does.
     
    Someone should do a scientific study. The results are really eye opening.
     
    I'm not fat shaming anyone.
     
    I am just glad I'm not fat anymore because it makes a world of difference.
     

  25. JamesSavik

    The Plan

    By JamesSavik,

    A number of years ago, I was in a bad place. After a number of set backs, I was beginning to feel like a loser. Note the word FEEL. 
     
    I was overweight, getting older and feeling like the sun had set on me.
     
    I began to look and see what could make me feel like a winner again. To get back to where I wanted to be, FEELING like a winner, I had to get back in the habit of winning.
     
    Not just a few wins. Important wins. Life goal wins. 
     
    So I set some goals. A few rather lofty ones.
     
    There are were two fairly big ones that I wanted to accomplish. The first  because it was important to me because it was about how I saw myself and the other is about how others see me.
     
    First- the one about me was to put anther notch in my education resume. CHECK! I get a second degree in May.
     
    Second- the other one is about how others see me. That one is also going well. I'm down to 245 and will eventually go a little lower. 220 is my eventual target but, coming down from nearly 300 pounds, you can forgive me for saying mission accomplished.
     
    There have been other goals but these are key: I did what most people can not do or are just not motivated to do.
     
    I proved myself to myself after doubting myself for a very long time.
     
    I've won something back that I lost a long time  ago- self confidence. 
     
    Now that I'm facing new adversity, that's damn good to have in the bank.
     
    I can find a way to win.
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