Rilbur

Lengen-ish?

Lets just say that I already have plans for walk on the wild side -- something on the verge of turning into a story, when I'm ready to work on it. (With six months to go, there's no rush and plenty of other stories to work on). Legends... Well, do you really think you can have something like the Knights and not have legends crop up around them? Heck, think about how long Etral has been fighting... he's already a living legend. Aftermath... that's going to be the hard one. I know how this story ends, but I'm not sure what I can do with 'aftermath'. We shall see. We shall see...

Don't feel guilty

Dangit Graeme, no fair beating me to the story and then saying everything I'd like to be able to say, but can never quite manage to articulate! But yeah, a great story, beautiful and touching.

A beautiful story, a chance to fix so many regrets. Thank you.

I figgered as much

I have to wonder what the conversation about 'nulls' at the start meant, and why it didn't come back up later on. Despite that, a wonderful, deliciously twisted 'faery tale'. Loved it!

What a twist... what a fascinating, interesting twist... A perfect short story.

Grame, no fair beating me to all the best stories! But yes, a very well done story indeed.

Poor guy. I'm glad the SOB 'paid', but... the victims never really recover. Poor, poor man. And to have his abuser show up 'again' like that... scary.

Fascinating, scary, incredible story. Nice work!

Yeouch! Talk about nasty endings!

interesting, very interesting. I don't think you're succeeding quite as much at keeping the characters true -- Harry actually acted halfway decent to Draco, and Dumbledore just seems wrong -- but it's still an interesting story. More please?

FYI, link appears broken.

Warning: This will be ugly. I'm moving the reviews out to 'safe' haven. Title: Prologue and Foreword Reviewer: David McLeod An adroit mix of traditional religion and fantasy. The familiar anchors the story, enabling the reader to conceptualize and visualize the unfamiliar. A great deal of information is presented, interwoven in dialogue, furthering that vision. A grand beginning. Finally, "For those few with the senses to feel it, the entire planet shook with the force of that conflict." Now that's the way to hook a reader! Date: 03/27/2010 11:42 AM [Respond] Title: Prologue and Foreword Reviewer: Conner Good grief! It's only the prologue and I'm sucked in already. Author's Response: Well, that's what prologues are meant to do! Date: 07/14/2009 11:46 PM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: David McLeod Stand-alone, this is a powerful chapter. Rilbur can take our emotions, wring them out, pump them up in his own way, and then stuff them back inside us with more intensity than most. Coupled with the rest of the story, it's a deep and meaningful chapter, that bears the impress of mystery. Billy and Jer? Saw it coming...and then completely lost it in the immediacy of the scenes on the playgroiund and in the principal's office...so that when it happened at the end of the chapter it was beautiful and fresh. Date: 04/23/2010 08:54 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Conner The dialogue was totally excellent. Just as an aside, I think the pricipal and his assistant are doing the nasty. Author's Response: No, they just like to have fun. Date: 07/15/2009 12:34 AM Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: Conner A little confusing...but a fascinating plot. Author's Response: Confusing... I tried to avoid that, but there is so much backstory in there it could be a story in it's own right! Date: 07/15/2009 01:14 AM Title: Chapter 4 Reviewer: Nephylim Your real art is in characterisations. You build such real characters and then make us care for them before you torture yourself. A man after my own heart... with a knife The dialogue is inspired, the characters sweet and the plot twisted. What more can I say Date: 09/09/2009 02:04 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 5 Reviewer: Fastreader Now this is getting interesting as all this starts to blend together... Author's Response: It's only starting to blend together... I hope you enjoy what's coming! Date: 09/21/2009 04:02 PM Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: Nephylim You know how much I love this story. It can be a little disconcerting at times having two stories about the same world/structure/people... you know what I mean going on at the same time but with a different timeline, with Redemptions referring to things that haven't yet happened in Guardians... but that is all part of the richness. You feel as if you know these people and you so care about what is going to happen to them, even if you kind of know. The stories about Eddie and Billy in particular have me on the edge of my seat with my cheeks turning purple from holding my breath. Awesome as ever. Date: 01/28/2010 09:42 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 11 Reviewer: Nephylim you know how much I love this story and this part was probably the most powerful of all. It's simply awesome. The ending is a real kick in the balls. Anyone who doesn't get moved by this seriously needs to visit the doctor for a heart examinination... ie to find one. Date: 03/23/2010 08:54 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 12 Reviewer: Nephylim Good for her is what I have to say for Hector's mother. Alright she's not perfect... but she's sure as hell better than his father. Poor Eddie. I hope he isn't going to be here for long. This whole strand of the story has be chilled to my bones. Date: 04/05/2010 04:21 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 14 Reviewer: Nephylim Nice work. This chapter has everything. It was dark and spooky but with lighter moments. it moved the story on and it paused to let us get our bearings. I loved the whole feeling of it. Date: 05/10/2010 03:15 PM [Respond]

With the advent of GA.Stories, I need to move my reviews somewhere 'safe'. This is probably going to be a bit ugly. Title: Prologue Reviewer: Remijay That was awesome...I hate the end of ch 34 it sucks big time...IT made me like cry really bad...It just sucks the Ronan had to die!!! <3 other than that..the ch was over all great Hugz*Kizzes ^Remijay^ Date: 07/14/2010 12:25 PM Title: Prologue Reviewer: Remijay That was an awesome....I honestly can say i loved it...Parts made me cry but it wasnt from the storie but anyways i loved it <3 do you know when you are going to be posting more...I really do want to know whats happens to Ronan and Jason Hugz*Kizzes ^Remijay^ Author's Response: I expect to be posting two new chapters sometime in the next several days, probably today. I hope you enjoy the story that's coming! Title: Prologue Reviewer: Jon T Lappin I liked the start of this story. It was action packed, and it really leaves a lot of mystery. I'll definitely keep reading. Good job! Date: 12/07/2009 10:43 PM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Wyndham This is powerful stuff. I'm looking forward to working out just who Ronan is - he is intriguing to say the least..... Date: 12/16/2009 09:49 AM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Jon T Lappin Good chapter, keep up the good work!!! Date: 12/08/2009 01:18 AM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: David McLeod Jason embarks on a remarkable journey of discovery and self-discovery; the reader is pulled helplessly in his wake. Ronan leads him gently but inexorably, but to what ultimate destination? The point of view drifts, making the reader seem to be an omniscient, yet powerless, being: the thrill of knowledge is balanced by frustration of helplessness. Powerful and heady. Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words... now if you'll excuse me, I need to see if I can maintain the high quality you are describing. Date: 07/12/2009 05:55 AM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: David McLeod Wonderful metaphors, evocative literary allusions, astonishing craftsmanship ... this story sets standards for writers and readers, alike. The pace is measured, allowing each character, each scene, each beat to be savored and digested, at which point the reader realizes that rather than having consumed the story, the story has consumed him. Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words, and I'm sorry I missed the fact that I didn't get around to responding until just now (I could have sworn... I probably got distracted and hit 'X' instead of 'submit' on the window). Anyway, high praise indeed, and I only hope that the rest of the story matches the high quality you believe this to be. Date: 06/20/2009 06:11 AM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Nephylim This is an excellent story and I can't wait to read more. It says a lot that you have managed to keep this committed pagan rading despite the Gof references. Wicked. Author's Response: Well, I'm not going to reveal too terribly much at this time (I'm thinking a lot of the details will come out in the sequel, not this one) but a lot of the 'background' to the way my magic system works is something any pagan would love (I think...), because it's strongly based on a plural concept of divinity. Date: 06/20/2009 05:35 AM Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: David McLeod How incredibly delicious! A "work cure" snaps Jason out of his...funk? Whatever his mood was, it changes dramatically for the better, until it's crushed, again. The blend of prosaic (scrubbing and polishing) to demonic (rape) to sublime (you'll have to read that, for yourself) makes this chapter not only a critical part of the story, but a joy to read. Author's Response: Mood swings are a very nasty part of rape trauma; this piece focuses on a lot of the things most people don't address when it comes to rape trauma. Including the long-term nature of it; you never get over rape. Ever. You might get most of the way over it, but years later you'll have what's called a 'throw-back' and be right back where you started, with just a little bit better understanding of how to dig yourself out of the hole. There's plenty of reasons for why I don't like rapists; this isn't the biggest but it's close. Date: 07/12/2009 02:57 PM Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: Nephylim Wow... brilliant. I loved it. The emotions are building and I so want to know what Ronan's secret is. You paint your characters vividly and the story twists and turns. I'm loving it and I care what happens to Jason.. no author can do more. Author's Response: Ronan's? Has a secret? Who would have imagined! Don't hold your breath on learning it; as of chapter 15 it's getting close but it's not out yet. Date: 06/22/2009 04:05 PM Title: Chapter 3 Reviewer: David McLeod The extremely heavy psychodrama of the first part is balanced...but not at all relieved...by the extremely dynamic action of the second part. Intense? That hardly is an adequate description. Author's Response: OK, you're a college student who can actually use what he learned. Now if only I could come up with half as much to say about your stories, or half as nice! Have you thought about getting a job as a critic for a newspaper? I think you'd probably be perfect! Date: 07/13/2009 04:39 PM "Little did he know how much his words that night would come back to haunt him." Oh! A mid-chapter cliff-hanger! And then, music as "angry tears." The metaphor nearly, but not quite, overshadows the suspense created earlier. "...passive punishment..." and "slut reaction" are such evocative terms. Do not read this chapter unless you are ready to think...and feel. Author's Response: I'm not sure I'd call that a 'cliffhanger', so much as foreshadowing. Of course, the question is what I'm forshadowing... And I'm glad you like the writing! Date: 07/14/2009 04:13 PM Title: Chapter 4 Reviewer: Cuba Libre Superb, what else can I say. There are very few authors on here who can capture my imagination, but you are one of them. Looking forward to more. Author's Response: Glad to hear it! Thanks for the kind words, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Date: 07/10/2009 09:04 AM Title: Chapter 4 Reviewer: Conner ...and there I was, thinking good things about the pending love scene...then, coitus interruptus. Bummer. I love the characters. Well done. Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words; and yeah, total bummer. Still, they sure had some 'fun' with Jason's Dad. Date: 07/09/2009 07:32 PM Title: Chapter 4 Reviewer: DragonFire This is a great story, and I've had the privilege of reading this on another site before now. I just wanted to say very well done on an excellent story. Author's Response: Yeah, it's on several sites. I like this one the most, it's the only place where I get reading stats... I'm fast approaching 1000 reads (wow!) which is far more than I ever dreamed of. Even dividing by 5 chapters (4 + prologue) that's still over 200 readers. I mean, wow! Of course, that means I have something like 1 in 15 (roughly speaking) people who bother to e-mail me (or post a review...) to tell me how much they like my story... And that of course ignores the fact that most of those e-mails (well, all of the e-mails and none of the reviews) came from Castleroland and Nifty posting. I consider that... intensly enlightening; the lack of e-mail says more about the number of people who e-mail rather than the number of people reading. Date: 07/09/2009 03:50 AM Title: Chapter 5 Reviewer: David McLeod The contrast between Jason's reaction to his inner darkness, and Roman's quiet confidence; the brief glimpse into a somewhat human weakness; Ronan as an angry giant; Laura's humanity revealed; and, oh, yes, "Beware the Ides of Marge." The complexity of the story is (thankfully) rescued by a plain and simple expression of love and passion. I'm sorry it has taken so long to read and review...but I'm glad I have so much to look forward to. Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story as you progress. Date: 07/24/2009 03:30 PM Title: Chapter 5 Reviewer: Conner Ugh! Prophecies drive me nuts....but I insist that you continue. Author's Response: Well, this is the last 'real' prophecy you're going to encounter... And I should probably point out, this isn't prophecy the way most people would mean it. It's a warning... from a Being who has a Plan. And if Jason and Ronan really understood that, it would really scare them shitless -- or at least, it should. Date: 07/13/2009 03:18 PM Title: Chapter 5 Reviewer: Nephylim Boy you have a twisted mind.... I LOVE IT!! I am really loving this story. Author's Response: You think this is twisted? Just wait... juuuust wait... until you begin to discover the 'truth' about what's going on. 'Everythhing she says is true, if subject to her own strange viewpoint'... or, of course, someone else's viewpoint... Date: 07/13/2009 05:57 AM Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: David McLeod Paul's reaction to Jason and Eric's enthusiasm, as well as his own "personal problem," provide excellent comic relief...and draw the reader into the story. With the skill of a professional detective, Rilbur explores his characters, opening them to our inspection and, perhaps, understanding. Author's Response: Professional detective? Well, I wouldn't know about that... I am, after all, the 'god' of the story; I already know everything, I hardly need to dig out the truth! Date: 08/01/2009 10:15 AM Title: Chapter 7 Reviewer: DragonFire I remember this chapter vividly but had to refresh my memory, and I'm glad I did. Extremely well crafted and brilliantly written, this chapter alleviates the sadness of Eric's death by remembering all the good he had done in his life. Very well done indeed. Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. I didn't exactly intend to alleviate the sadness of Eric's death, but I suppose it can do that. I wanted to give some depth, some... power... to what the Guardians do. I can't really touch as much as I'd like on that in the 'day to day' aspect of the next part of this story, so this chapter helps get the breadth of what they do across. Eric was exceptional, even for them, but the sheer breadth of ways and means he uses to help people... it convey's what they are about better than any words I could hope for. Date: 07/18/2009 10:44 AM Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: Nephylim It just gets better and better. VERY nice cliffhanger. Author's Response: Thanks! Title: Chapter 13 Reviewer: Fastreader Wow! The stuff with the Russian pimp was a real twist...but the RECC stuff takes the cake! Author's Response: Yeah, well, the RECC will get their own soon enough. And He will be most pleased to tell them just how displeased He is. Date: 08/24/2009 12:36 PM Title: Chapter 13 Reviewer: Nephylim You know I'm a fan of this story. This is not one of my favourite chapters but a sweet one nevertheless. There is so much going on in this story that it makes your head spin if you think about it. Better not to and just get taken along for the ride. Then read it again and see all the things you missed the first time. Author's Response: I'm sorry you didn't like this chapter as much as some of them, but I'm sure some of the coming ones will fit your tastes bestter. Date: 08/24/2009 11:55 AM Title: Chapter 16 Reviewer: Elezbed At last we learn what Jason is ^^! Poor Ronan, he is going to hate himself...At last, he knows that Jason loves him, I hope it will be enough... Good chapter and write more^^! Author's Response: There is a certain degree of humor -- of the ironic kind, I think -- in that statement about Ronan hating himself. I hope you enjoy the upcoming chapters as much as this one! Date: 12/08/2009 01:14 AM Title: Chapter 17 Reviewer: Wyndham Incredible story. Unlike anything else I've read and I really, really enjoyed it. Thank you very much. I will be following the story as it develops further. I hope there are many more chapters to follow. Author's Response: There are many chapters yet to come, though the story is starting to reach into the 'endgame' phase. Ronan's secret is beggining to fray around the edges, and Jason's fate circles ever closer. Date: 12/18/2009 10:20 AM Title: Chapter 17 Reviewer: Elezbed So Ronan can't love Jason... Well, after all of this, i hope that they will finish together soon... Good chapter and write more Author's Response: The difference which Ronan is having trouble grasping (and apparently I confused you on as a result) is the difference between 'shouldn't' and 'can't'. Ronan really shouldn't love Jason, for all the reasons given. But despite that... he does. And that is giving him more problems than you can imagine, as will soon become clear (chapter 20, I believe) Date: 12/15/2009 03:00 PM Title: Chapter 18 Reviewer: Elezbed Poor Jason, it's going to be difficult to do that... Yes! They are together ^^! Good chapter and write more! Author's Response: Difficult? Sure. Surprising? For the readers, most assurdely... I hope you find the next chapter sufficiently enticing, it'll come out next week, probably on Wednesday. Thankfully, I've already written through chapter 21, so there shouldn't be any writer's block delays for a while. Date: 01/21/2010 01:27 AM Title: Chapter 19 Reviewer: Nephylim Awesome stuff. I so love this story... how it goes of at a tangent but all fits together... how the whole thing is so sweeping but still personal... how there are light touches even when edge of the seat things are going on all around. Awesome as ever. Date: 01/28/2010 09:43 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 21 Reviewer: Nephylim That was a lovely playful chapter and also a real heart breaker. Jason and Ronan are made for each other. I hope they sort things out soon... well I hope that Jason sorts things out soon because I think he is the only one who can Date: 04/05/2010 04:10 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 22 Reviewer: Nephylim That was a really scary chapter. Jason's anger was so palpable and his hurt and confusion even more so. I feel sorry for those around him... he's dangerous. It's not unheard of for someone so hurt and angry to be driven inside their minds but this is somewaht extreme. I am looking forward to seeing what happens next Date: 04/13/2010 11:02 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 24 Reviewer: Nephylim This was the most awesome chatper EVER. The action, the emotions, the sheer force of the thing. Wonderful Date: 05/10/2010 03:17 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 30 Reviewer: Douw Good job loving the story don't stop! Date: 06/09/2010 07:37 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 31 Reviewer: Wyndham I'm waiting for my boy to ask me to marry him...... (it's complicated) A lovely chapter, again Author's Response: Thanks; I hope you enjoy the upcoming chapters! Date: 06/29/2010 03:45 PM Title: Chapter 32 Reviewer: Elezbed They are married^^!!! Well, everything is alright so something bad is goind to happen soon!!! I wonder why?.... Good chapter and write more! Author's Response: I've actually written quite a bit more, up through chapter 38 and the epilogue. Yes, the epilogue, as in what comes after the main body of the story. It's ending... soon! Date: 07/01/2010 02:51 AM Title: Chapter 34 Reviewer: Nephylim I'm sorry I let you down in the editing. This is possibly the most powerful chapter I have ever read in any story on this site. You wrung out of me just about every emotion I have. You are an awesome writer and this chapter is one of your best. Come get your pitchforks over here guys. Anyone have a match for this torch? Author's Response: Don't worry Neph... you did what you could, and while your successor is hardly a perfect replacement, she is doing pretty good Date: 07/09/2010 01:06 PM Title: Chapter 34 Reviewer: Elezbed Snif soooooooooo saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad... I want to know what happen next!!!! Don't stop ^^! Author's Response: Don't worry, I already have everything up through the epilogue written. I don't know when some of it will be posted, but I have it all writen. Date: 07/09/2010 01:09 AM Title: Epilogue Reviewer: Elezbed Well it's the end... It is a really good story even i it is a little dark. Author's Response: There's a reason I warned at the beggining. And in a lot of ways, it's not as dark as some people might think. Their lives might have been short, but Jason and Ronan both lived very fulfilled lives, and died in the service of their calling, the protection of others. Date: 07/24/2010 12:18 AM

Crack. The rim shot echoed down the ruined streets. Crack. The sound of a drum stick hitting the edge of the drum echoed down the quiet city streets, seeming to gain rather than loose power as it traveled. Crack. The drumbeat wasn't alone, however. It was accompanied by the sound of hundreds of booted feet slamming into the ground in unison. It merely marked the instant that every single left foot hit. Boom. It was a slow, stately march. Every single footfall was h

That morning, Paul had woken up coughing. Smoke still hung in the air from the smoldering building, choking him. Every breath was a struggle, and it was only by pure luck that he was still alive. Several structural members had managed to form a small pocket of space around him, shielding him from the rubble that would otherwise have crushed him to death. Reflexively, his hand darted to check the ax strapped to his side. It was fine. Paul didn't understand any of it. There had been a bl

Lara glanced over at Ashley as the helicopter circled around the center of the city, carefully avoiding any areas the enemy had claimed. Looking down, she gazed into the crystalline pendant she used as a focus for her magic. She wasn't even certain what it was made of, but it's clear, crystalline mysteries helped concentrate and amplify her powers when she used it. And sometimes, just sometimes, staring into it like this gave her flashes of wisdom. There wasn't anything magic about it, it wa

Jason groaned as he tried to roll over. His head was pounding, a giant throbbing that waxed and waned with the beating of his heart. "Ah, you're awake," a half-familiar voice commented. "I was worried." "What happened," Jason croaked. "Here," strong hands helped him sit up, and then held a glass to his lips. "Small sips at first." Jason wanted to gag at the foul taste, but sipped it anyway. The throbbing dimmed almost instantly, and his mouth no longer felt like the middle of

"Pack up, now!" Ronan ordered as he barged into the basement. "Everyone get ready to move!" Jason slowly levered himself to his feet and scrubbed at his face with his hands. "What's up?" he asked tiredly. "Trouble is coming this way, fast," Ronan told him. Jason stretched the kinks out of his shoulders. "I just finished healing the last of the wounded, as best as I can anyway. Everyone is still tired, we need rest." "We'll have to find it elsewhere," Ronan shrugged. "Good ne

"Alright, the driver said they should be here in about five more minutes," Paul said as he closed his cell. "I don't know why Lara insisted they take a scenic route, but-" Mary's laugh cut him off. "You still haven't figured it out?" "Is there something obvious I'm missing?" Paul sighed. Mary giggled. "Oh what a fun time we'll have," she said under her breath. "Yes, and it's not that important at the moment. We should probably-" The sound of thunder cut her off. "Thunder?" she asked, lo

"Hey guys," Jason said softly. He and Ronan were sitting on the couch, with Lara, Paul, and Mary sitting in the other chairs scattered through the living room. "We needed to have a little talk." "A talk?" Lara asked, eyes glancing over to Mary. "Yes, a talk," Jason smiled. "Some things have happened, and we thought we'd share them with you. You see," Jason looked at Paul, "I have a job for you, if you're willing to do it." "Anything," Paul smiled back. "What do you need?" "I

Jason stretched slowly as his brother puttered on the other side of the underground room. "Do you have enough weapons?" Jason laughed. "I'll probably ditch a few of them, I'm just getting a feel for how they hang," Paul laughed back. "You might be surprised by some of them!" "Those wheel things are pretty absurd," Jason pointed out. "I don't think I'll actually use them," Paul said thoughtfully. "They look nice, though, and will definitely make my weapons look more like a collecti

Jason hurt. That's the only way he could process the sheer overwhelming rush of emotion running through him. Anger, grief, shock and disbelief, sorrow, disgust, a dozen emotions he couldn't process ran amok. His own father. His father had done it. His former father. Jason Dustin Koken. The name burned. The name seared itself into his soul. He couldn't believe what his had father done, and he couldn't believe what he'd done in response. He couldn't believe he'd gone as far as he had,