Are You Christian - 23. Chapter 23

“Good mornin,” he grunted as he put the oars aside and tied the boat.

“Good morning to you too,” I responded stretching. There was a thick dew on the ground and on us. I felt cool and damp and my hair was stuck firmly to my head instead of sticking up in odd spots like it did in the mornings now that it was shorter.

“That was a really good plan,” Jonathon stretched still proud of himself.

“Yeah,” I said, “makes being suspended almost worth it.”

“Almost?” He asked feigning disappointment, “I haven’t thought anything about being suspended, but I am also grounded so we have to get back.”

“So you can do chores?” I asked and he rolled his eyes.

“At least they trust me enough not to bother me in the morning before they leave,” he answered, “but yes I do have a lot of things to do today.”

“So you can’t stay at my house a little while?” I asked and he thought about it. I didn’t want him to get in trouble, he was already in enough.

“Are you inviting me?” He asked and I knew he would disobey his parents to spend more time with me. I hesitated wanting to be selfish. It would be the perfect time to spend time with him, with out worrying about unwanted attention. We were also both in a lot of trouble. I could have trouble waiting back home from sneaking out of the house. Hopefully Stacey smoothed things over. It wasn’t like there was a lot of trouble I could get in left in this small town. Something that I wasn’t used to doing anyway and they knew I, for the most part, was still a good kid.

“I guess not,” I answered and he frowned. I bit my tongue to keep from going back on my answer and inviting him. Especially when he turned back to me with his blue eyes shining, it mixed with his slight frown in a way that I knew I would have trouble saying no to on occasion, depending on what he wanted.

“Ok then,” he said as he helped me onto dry land. I wanted to help him carry the load of blankets and the lantern, but his house was in the other direction of my own. People could see us both together and with the blankets it wouldn’t take a lot of thought to wonder what we could have been up to.

“Let’s try not to get into anymore trouble,” I countered reaching over and patting his cast. I wondered if the load hurt him, but he didn’t seem to be straining, even if they were now slightly wet with dew.

“Yeah, I think I’m one foot into military school as it is,” Jonathon said and I thought he was serious until he laughed, shaking his head he started leading us out of the small meadow. I looked behind us, the early morning fog was already starting to lift. I could see our paths as we walked in the tall grass, my feet getting wet as the settled dew started to invade my shoes.

Jonathon surprised me with a quick kiss before he turned. I stood still, watching him walk away. He didn’t turn his head to look behind him, keeping a steady pace to his house, that I realized wasn’t far away when I finally started walking and found the road. It was somewhere in the middle of our two houses. One thing about living in a small town it didn’t take long to know your way around. When I was young, growing up in Baltimore, it took me a long time to memorize streets, there were so many buildings, lights, and sounds that looked the same. Too many strangers, here there weren’t many at all. The houses looked distinctly different, the road only led to two destinations; to town and out of town where we lived. The train tracks being where the busiest part of the small community left the quiet houses behind. Even then I doubted much went on during the week, seeing most people after work and school on the weekends.

I wondered what a full summer would be like here. Would I get bored? I hadn’t really done much of anything since we got here but go to school and hang out with Jonathon after. The only thing the school seemed appropriate to entertain us with is the occasional dance, something Jonathon and I couldn’t be close at. I found myself smiling though, when I promised him the prom. It would be next year, junior prom. We would both have our licence by then and I couldn’t help wondering how different our next dance together could be.

It would be normal for him to pick me up, friends always went together, or at least rode together. Hopefully by then I would be able to tell Lacey about me, so that she could move on and forget me. I wondered if Gavin was right, that she was flirtatious and wouldn’t be hurt when I told her. I was afraid of hurting her, other than having these wild ideas about us she was someone I liked being around. She was easy going and full of life, it would be easy for her to find someone else and I wondered if the only reason she was gravitating towards me was because I was new to her.

We probably wouldn’t dance at the prom, but we could sit together at dinner or even have dinner alone. The picnic at the fair with pizza and bottled water seemed so simple and I wouldn’t trade it away now. Not when things seemed so impossible or too far in the future. A future that Jonathon and me may not even have together. We were both young after all, learning from Stacey, it would be a miracle in itself if Jonathon and I stayed together long enough for me to fulfill my promise of prom to him.

It would be nice though, eating with him. All my attention on him and feeling nervous about the prom. Not afraid that he was annoyed by me dancing all the dances with Lacey and being jealous when he picked girl after girl to dance with, just so he could be doing something instead of sitting at the table alone.

We could also secretly hold hands at the movies before or playfully make fun of one another trying to bowl. I wasn’t sure what people did before prom or after, but something fun would definitely be planned with him. He would try and make the night special to make up for the lost time we would have not being able to dance together.

When I got home I found the front door unlocked. The smile was still on my face as I walked up the stairs to the bathroom. The house was completely quiet, the only light coming through the windows, but it was enough to see where I was going. I wanted out of the wrinkled, damp clothes so I quickly stripped and stepped into the shower. I didn’t rush the shower, I had all the time in the day and the warm water soothed the aches in my muscles from sleeping in a crowded boat all night. A night I wouldn’t trade away.

After the hot water ran out, I stepped out of the shower and dried myself before putting the towel around my waist and trotted across the hall to my room. I wasn’t paying any attention, going straight to my closet, but after I gathered my clothes I noticed the letter on my pillow. I picked it up, absently drying the back of my head with the towel. It was from Mom, telling me that I could have just asked for permission to leave the house. That we would be talking about trust issues when she gets home.

Rolling my eyes, I bent down and tugged on my boxer briefs, it was then I heard a sharp intake of breath. It caused me to jump and whirl around to see what made the sound. I jumped again when I saw that it was Jonathon standing in my doorway with his hand outstretched prepared to knock on my bedroom door.

“You left the front door unlocked,” he stammered still blinking.

“I guess I should apologize for that,” I responded feeling my face flush, “sorry for not locking the front door.”

“It’s ok,” he said finally losing the dazed look, he dropped his hand to his side. “I should have called.”

“Then you would have missed the show,” I said willing my voice to be strong. For some reason is presence and reaction to my naked body had me on edge. I was having trouble meeting his eyes and he seemed to realize that, but didn’t divert his attention to anything else in the room.

“I decided to take you up on your offer, even though you told me not to,” he said smiling and stepping into the room he closed the distance and wrapped me into a strong hug. I could smell that he had taken a shower and that his hair was still damp. He didn’t have time to do any of the chores he said were waiting for him.

“Won’t you be in deep for not doing chores?” I answered my lips fluttering over the nape of his neck.

“Yes,” he whispered and I could feel a small shudder rumble over his body.

“Don’t you care?” I asked gently pulling away so I could read his expression.

“Not at all,” he said smiling then he leaned in and kissed me, running his hands up my naked ribs to the back of my head and the middle of my back. His hands were urgent and his lips forced mine apart. He pushed our chests together, his soft cotton t shirt felt nice against my bare chest.

Coming back down to earth from the shock he gave me, I started moving my lips against his, not minding the pressure he forced between our faces with his hand on the back of my head. His breath picked up as he broke the kiss and started moving down my jaw line to my neck. I put my hands to his shoulders ready to push him away, but he raked his cast over my skin and began to nibble on my collar bone. It sent a rush through my body and I couldn’t muster up the force it would take for me to stop what he was doing to me.

“We shouldn’t,” I whispered when he continued his determined path south, but I closed my eyes when his lips found the hem of my boxer briefs. I felt his fingers pull them down and I inhaled a deep breath.

The fear of getting caught lingered on the back of my mind, but I didn’t react to the silent screams. The house was still quiet when I forced myself to concentrate. He pushed me onto the bed and I ran my fingers through his hair. It felt soft to the touch, cut short like mine, but I had let mine begin to grow back. I wasn’t going to grow it long again, but I would never have it as short as I did a few weeks ago.

I warned him when he was pushing me through my resistance, he backed away, laying beside me, kissing his way up my side, he replaced his mouth with his hand. It didn’t take me long, closing my eyes tightly as what he was doing rocked my body. I only opened them when I started winding down and he started kissing me again. Like before he took me a little while to recover from the shock and return his kiss.

I didn’t care about any mess as I rolled over on top of him. I pulled his shirt up as far as it would go as I made my way down his body. I realized that he was slightly more hairy than I was. The dark hair standing out against his lightly tanned skin. He had a slight farmer’s tan that was fading into an over all tan, like he wasn’t ashamed to wear a shirt outdoors anymore. I wondered if that was because his muscles were well defined now or that he did a lot of work outside during the summer and didn’t want to burn so he wore a shirt. When I unzipped his khaki shorts, I felt him grow tense, anticipating what I was about to do.

Like before he warned me when he was close, mimicking him I slowly jacked him off feeling him shudder under my touch. He sucked in a breath, but kept his eyes on me as he let it wash over his body.

After that we used my damp towel to clean up the mess we made. We were both sheepishly smiling at one another and he watched me get dressed, sitting on my bed. I was waiting for the embarrassment of being close to him wash over me. It was something I wasn’t used to doing at all and wondered if I even did it right, but being near him didn’t allow for that. I could only smile and when he reached for me I got into my bed with him and he snuggled close to me. We didn’t say anything and his calm breathing lulled me to sleep partly against my will.

I didn’t know what time it was when movement woke me up for the second time today. He looked apologetic when I looked up at him. His shirt was wrinkled and had a wet spot where I had drooled. I grimaced looking at it, but then noticed he held up his finger, motioning for me to be quiet.

“Someone is knocking on your front door,” he whispered and I turned and looked out the window seeing an unfamiliar car in the driveway.

“It’s Lacey,” he said when he joined me at the window. I could see her mother in the van. we both jumped when the door bell rang through the house.

“I’ll go,” I said as I tried to smooth out my own wrinkled shirt. I glanced in the mirror and saw that my lips were slightly red and swollen with all the kissing we had done and wondered if she would notice. He let me go down stairs though and I hesitated at the door hoping she would leave, but she knew I was home and when the door bell rang again I sighed and opened the door.

She was holding a thick stack of papers posted with yellow notes on the corner stating their due dates. It was my school work that I missed from the past few days. She handed it to me with a smile.

“Thought you’d want to get a jump on all the homework you missed,” she said her eyes moving from my face to my wrinkled clothes.

“Thanks Lacey,” I offered feeling the thickness of the packet frowning, “looks like I missed a lot.”

“Oh sorry, some of that is John’s,” she said attempting to take the stack of papers from me, but I involuntarily dodged her hand.

“I can give it to him,” I stammered when she shot me an uneasy look.

“Well ok,” she said rolling her eyes playfully. “I wish your parents were home so I could come in and visit, I’ve missed you.”

“Your Mom not let you stay with out my parents here?” I asked thankful that Mom and Dad hadn’t come home yet. It wouldn’t be long that they would be home. I couldn’t believe that I had slept the day away.

“Of course not, she doesn’t trust me at all,” she answered laughing slightly, “are you sure you will see Jonathon before he comes back?”

“Yes,” I answered and I noticed her eyes narrow slightly. Then I noticed the door open wider and Jonathon stood beside me his arm touching my elbow.

“Oh!” Lacey gasped not expecting him to be here, “what are you doing here, shouldn’t you be locked in your basement?”

“Hi Lacey,” he answered not sounding amused by her joke.

“Seriously your Dad let you out of the house?” Lacey asked her eyes seemingly starting at the wet spot on Jonathon’s chest. It was in the spot where someone would rest their head, right on the soft pectoral muscle just below the collar bone.

“He doesn’t know, so don’t be telling him,” he answered and I wanted to elbow him, but I knew I wouldn’t get away with it, not with her staring at him.

“What’s going on?” She asked, “you two plotting something?”

“No,” I answered, “nothing is going on, I was just bored.”

“Were you two wrestling you look like crap,” she said and I glanced over at Jonathon and saw that his hair was spiked everywhere from sleeping with damp hair. I wanted to reach up and feel my own hair, knowing it was also in a mess.

“Lacey if you must know, we fell asleep,” Jonathon said and I didn’t hesitate to elbow him this time and I put more force than I wanted into it. It caused him to grunt and shoot a glare at me and when I looked back at Lacey I could tell that it had clicked in her mind and she had figured it out, not that Jonathon had left much for her to get before she would understand.

“Slept,” she whispered, “together?”

“No,” I said, at the same time Jonathon smugly shook his head. She sucked in an angry breath, glaring at me.

“When were you going to tell me?” She hissed crossing her arms.

“I don’t know,” I offered, “soon.”

“When I was the laughing stock of the entire school,” she argued, “when everyone knows but me.”

“I’m sorry Lacey,” I said feeling Jonathon realize what he had actually done. He was tense standing beside me and I looked up to see him looking at me. The look he gave me when Matt had happened upon us in the creek.

“I should’ve known with the earrings and long hair,” she hissed, “you’re too nice to be a bad boy, so you’re just a fa, I mean gay.”

“Way to stereotype Lace,” Jonathon huffed turning her attention to him.

“And you, I didn’t believe the rumors Mom told me,” she said the tears welling up in her eyes. I wanted her to calm down, looking past her I could tell her Mother was getting curious as to what was taking so long.

“She would know, she’s the gossip of the entire town,” Jonathon said as the tears slipped from her normally bright eyes.

“Well this is embarrassing,” she muttered then set her shoulders willing the tears away. She faked a smile and leaned in to hug me, surprising me. I felt her wipe her tears on my shirt and before she turned she had a mask securely on her face.

“Wait,” I said and she stopped to look at me.

“You will keep this a secret, please,” I said and she nodded her head her smile not wavering. I closed the door when she was safely tucked into the van and it was backing out of the driveway. She weakly waved as her mother drove away.

“Sorry,” he said, “I don’t know what came over me, when she said that she wanted...”

“Do you think she’ll keep it to herself?” I asked interrupting him.

“Yes,” he answered reaching over and putting his hands on both my shoulders, forcing me to turn and look at him.

“She doesn’t seem like the secret keeping type,” I countered and he smirked.

“She knows what is important, she didn’t help spread her mother’s gossips around anyway,” Jonathon explained pulling me into a hug.

“You suck at hiding the jealousy thing,” I said causing him to laugh.

“It’s nice that she will be leaving you alone now,” he countered ignoring me. “Matt has probably already told Kate, so that makes everyone knowing, doesn’t it feel great?”

“Not really, my heart is still racing,” I answered and he pressed me into his body leaning to rest his head on my shoulder.

The front door opened with Mom holding Grace. Jonathon didn’t release me until I struggled slightly to get out of his grip, my face still red from the encounter with Lacey. Coming out has so far been one disaster after another. Mom only gave Jonathon a surprised raise of her eyebrows before she smiled and put Grace in the floor to play.

“Shouldn’t you be home, pretending to be grounded,” She said and Jonathon nodded his head trying not to laugh.

“I better go, Mom will be home soon,” he said and I was surprised when he wrapped Mom into a quick hug then looked back at me before he left the door that Mom had left ajar.

“Hi Mom,” I greeted when the room fell silent.

“As for you, I guess I should ground you for sneaking out of the house,” she said then rolled her eyes, “but what good would that do you?”

“Not much good,” I answered and she smiled, shaking her head.

“If it wasn’t for the fact that you and him don’t get any private time, I would,” she said as she put her bag down. Grace grabbed hold of it and pulled out the vanilla folder that was sticking out slightly. Mom looked frantic as she snapped the folder from Grace’s hands, but papers had slid out. One of them hit my foot and before Mom could snatch it up I picked it up.

It didn’t take more than a glance to read the name on top of the paper because I recognized it immediately. The case folder Mom had and had been reading for awhile now had been Jonathon’s. Mom held out her hand, not saying a word for me to give her back the piece of paper. I knew the expression on her face though, her lips were tight and her eyes were as sharp as shards of glass. If I hesitated and tried to read what was on the paper she would explode. She liked to keep things like this private, but Jonathon wasn’t her patient as far as I knew. So it didn’t make any sense for her to have his folder.

She stuffed the papers back inside the folder when I handed her the last one. She didn’t take the time to make sure they were all in their place as she struggled to stuff it back inside her bag. She zipped it up tight, handing the purse back to Grace when its contents was tucked safely away.

“Going to tell me why you have that?” I asked sitting down in the chair closest to me. We both ignored Grace as she began to chew on the leather strap of the bulky black bag.

“No,” she answered, “I will not.”

“You can’t be his therapist, he’s not had time to see you,” I countered, the tension in the room flooding over me made my stomach tighten. It was slightly more difficult to breath calmly and when my air expelled my lungs unevenly she softened slightly.

“Don’t get worked up Christian, I saw his file and I’m reading it,” she explained, “I offered to be his therapist, but his father didn’t allow it.”

“When were you going to tell us you went behind his back about this?” I asked the anger rising in my voice.

“He knows, he asked me to be his therapist, he kept it from you,” she explained, “because he didn’t want it to be weird for you and I agreed.”

“Is it bad?” I asked, “his file I mean.”

“He will tell you what’s in there when he’s ready,” Mom answered dismissing me with her hands as she stood putting an end to the argument.

She went into the kitchen, I glared at her over the counter, but she ignored me as she went to preparing dinner for the rest of the family. I was tempted to sneak and look at the file, but I knew I wouldn’t get away with it. I also wanted to call Jonathon, but I knew that would be a bad idea as well. Mom wasn’t allowed to know what was in Jonathon’s file. Jonathon’s father had put a stop to that, not wanting Mom to be his therapist. Reasons why were easy to figure out, he didn’t want her to tell Jonathon that what he was, was normal and that what he did was also normal. Not when it was a sin and not when he would be going to hell for it. That he was also wasn’t making any choices.

“Does he have a plan to tell me?” I asked and she let the fridge door close with out her getting anything out of it.

“I’m sure he does,” she answered and I glared at her again. Jonathon probably never would tell me what he’s told my mother and what she’s learned from his file. I had no way of knowing any other way though, no way of understanding how he feels. I suddenly felt like I didn’t know who he was.

I knew that I was overreacting, that what he had been through at the hands of his father didn’t make him a stranger. That the Jonathon I was seeing was the Jonathon that I knew. I couldn’t help thinking that the past a person had, does change them. It was more than just being curious though. Knowing would allow me to feel some of the things that he felt or still could be feeling. It would allow me to understand things that would be kept completely locked away inside him.

The anxiety of thinking I didn’t really know him didn’t leave me for the rest of the day. It was late at night when I was trying to concentrate on homework that I realized he neglected to get his from my stack. Seeing his name in the neat cursive writing on the posted notes only reminded me of the vanilla folder so I pushed my unfinished homework aside. I got into bed and stared at the ceiling wondering how I would break down the walls he kept hidden beneath a smile and bright blue eyes.