Enigma II. Fighting the Man - 7. Chapter 7 - Meeting the Family

I’ve spent about an hour with Ben; crying, talking, getting to know each other again. But now he’s started to get very sleepy and I’m getting worried about Silver.

“But I don’t want you to go.”

“I have to go so I can come back. The doctor said that you can come home with me tomorrow so I will come and get you before lunch. I’ll bring you some clothes and if you want to we’ll go out for pizza, the three of us.”

“What’s he like River. Will I like him? Will he like me?”

We have carefully skirted the subject of Silver and it makes me smile. “Silver is... different from anyone else you have ever met. He has had a bad experience and he’s... not the same as other people, not yet. He’s shy and scared and hurt but... he’s the most beautiful man I have ever seen and he is so sweet and so gentle it’s impossible not to like him. Of course you will like him and as for liking you... how could anyone not like you? You’re awesome.”

He smiles sleepily. “I am excited about meeting him,” he says thoughtfully, “but I’m scared of him too.”

“Scared? Why?”

“Because... because you’re not just mine any more. I remember before you went away. I remember you saying that we would always be together, that you would always look after me and we would be there for each other always.”

I smile and stroke his hair as his eyes get heavier. “I’ll always be your brother Ben. No matter what happens, nothing will ever change that. I will always be your brother and I will always love you.”

He smiles and relaxes and slips away, leaving me smiling.

On my way out of the ward, I am stopped by the same doctor who I spoke to earlier.

“Is he okay?”

“He’s asleep now. He’s going to be fine I think.”

“Good. I really don’t want to have to ask this of you River but... There’s no way that we can ask this of Ben so... Would you be prepared to identify your parents?”

My heart drops through the pit of my stomach. I swallow... hard, and shudder, but I nod. It’s one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and leaves me shaken and stunned. Part of me wants to crawl away into a hole and hide... or at least have a couple of drinks to dull the pain. But that part of me is completely overwhelmed by the part that needs to be with Silver.

The way back to the car is over a bridge across a small river lined with trees and shrubs. As I cross the bridge something under the trees on the bank of the river catches my eye. I turn and lean over the handrail to peer under the overhanging branches. I have to smile.

Silver has kicked off his shoes and his feet are in the water. His back is against the trunk of a tree and he has his best sketch book balanced on his knees with all his pencils, pads and other stuff scattered around on the damp earth. He is completely absorbed in what he’s doing and I have never wished more that I could sketch like he can because a sketch of him right now would be priceless.

He is so caught up in what he’s doing that he doesn’t hear me scramble down the bank and land with a bump a little way off. At least I didn’t think he had.

“Can you pass me that piece of charcoal you are almost sitting on please, River?”

“I didn’t think you’d noticed me.”

“I usually notice things that fall from the sky with enough noise to scare the birds from the trees and land almost in my lap.”

“I wasn’t that bad.”

He looks up at me and grins, pushing the hair out of his eyes and smudging charcoal on his cheek. I smile as I lean forward and wipe it off with my thumb. He is a tonic for any ill.

“Have you been okay?”

“This is a nice place, peaceful. There’s a lot to draw.”

He hands me his pad and I flick through the pages, marvelling as always. “These are really good. I’m glad you were okay.”

He looks thoughtful. “There were people, sometimes. They didn’t come down here though. At first I was a little scared but no one bothered me, so then it was okay.”

“I’m glad. Are you ready to come back to the car?”

“Yes. My feet are cold.”

“Then put your shoes on.”

Silver smiles a bright smile and reaches out, pulling me in to him to kiss me soundly. Of course I lose focus and, forgetting where we are totally I slide closer and take him into my arms. Still locked in the kiss he rests his head against my shoulder and sighs happily. My heart expands and I am so happy that I could burst.

All the pain and sorrow I’ve been experiencing disappear and I am utterly content. Of course I know that when the moment is over it will all come rushing back but for now, just for now, everything is perfect.

I am sure that people must have seen us, they must have. We were certainly there for long enough to draw a crowd. But no one interfered. Sitting at the edge of the water, lying back on the soft earth, feeling his lips against mine, his hand resting on my hip: if this isn’t heaven then it’s pretty damn close.

Eventually Silver starts to shiver and I insist he puts his shoes and socks on.

“Oh but I like it here. I don’t want to stop. I don’t want to move.”

“You’re shivering and you’re going to make yourself ill if you don’t get your feet warm. It’s getting cold.”

“Yeah... I suppose. I am cold.”

“So you’re not afraid any more?”

“Afraid of what?” He murmurs giving me one last kiss.

When we get back to the car Silver is more relaxed than I have seen him for a long time. Even when a noisy family start piling into the car next to us, with two teenage girls blatantly staring and giggling, Silver manages to smile, albeit in a hesitant shy way and is still smiling when he slides into the car and puts on his belt.

“You made quite an impression there.”

Silver ducks his head and blushes. “Why were they starting like that? Do I have charcoal on my face?”

“No. You don’t have charcoal on your face. They were staring because it’s not every day they see an angel walking on the earth.”

Silver blushes even more and punches my arm, grinning. “You say the nicest things.”

“Only to you.”

The two girls are still staring out of the window of their car as we pull away. Silver has settled back and has his eyes closed so he doesn’t see. This time he is not closing his eyes because he is afraid of what he’ll see and what lies ahead. He is completely relaxed and has a half smile on his face.

“I told Ben all about you and he is excited about meeting you.”

Silver sits bolt upright and stares at me with wide anguished eyes. “Oh gosh River, I forgot. I am so sorry I forgot. Is he... is your brother okay?”

“He’s fine. He’s shaken and sad but he’s not badly hurt. He’s coming home tomorrow.”

Silver grins and then frowns. “I’m a bit scared.”

“Scared?”

“What if he doesn’t like me? What if he hates me?”

“Silver, everyone loves you. What’s not to love?” He smiles uncertainly. “Ben’s excited to meet you and is just as nervous as you are. He’s worried that you won’t like him.”

“But of course I will. He’s your brother.” He says it as if it’s completely obvious and it makes me smile.

“I am absolutely sure that you are going to love each other on sight. In the meantime I really, really need some sleep and something to take my mind of what a roller coaster of a day I’ve had.”

“I suppose I could find something to distract you.” Silver smiles and puts his hand on my thigh. I shiver.

“Later.”

Shortly afterwards I am shivering for a much different reason. The streets have become more and more familiar, and now I am driving down a shady, tree lined street. I know that at the end I will turn right and pull onto the drive of a large, pleasant house, set back off the street, its front half covered with ivy and with a black front door. I haven’t been here for four years but it is as fresh in my mind as if it had been only yesterday.

And then I’m pulling into the drive and the house is there, just as I remember it... except that now it is empty, now they are gone. Suddenly I’m sobbing. Everything that I held in comes pouring out, all control gone. They are gone. My parents are gone and they aren’t coming back.

Although I haven’t been close to my parents for the last four years, they have still been there. There has still been the hope that one day I would be able to mend the hurt. I harboured fond hopes that one day I would sit in the warm kitchen again and eat my mother’s homemade bread and hear her singing as she made tea. I had always believed that sooner or later I would feel my father’s hand on my shoulder again and hear his voice telling me that it was okay, he still loved me, he was proud of me. But all that was gone now. There were no more chances, no hope.

I am barely aware of Silver’s arm around me, his soft voice in my ear. He doesn’t try too hard. For someone who is not used to social interaction, he is very sensitive and seems to know instinctively what to say, and when to say nothing at all.

After the first storm has passed, I give Silver a quick hug and get out of the car. Fishing out my key I open the front door and step into the house. I don’t know what I had expected. I suppose I had somehow expected the house to be as cold and dead as the people who had once lived here. But it isn’t like that at all.

The wood glows with the warmth of careful care. There is a slight aroma of lavender in the air from the wood polish my mother always uses... used. One of Ben’s skates is lying at the bottom of the stairs... the other could be anywhere. Slowly I walk through the familiar rooms. Some things are the same and some different but they are all vibrant, living, as if my parents are going to come back in at any moment and pick up their lives where they left off.

The biggest surprise is that my room is still here. I mean... of course the room would still be here... but it is still my room. All my things... the things I left behind... the life I left behind, they are all still here. I check the cupboards and my eyes tear up again when I find that all the clothes I didn’t take with me are still here too.

Even so, I manage to keep myself together until I walk into my parents’ room. They are here. Their smell, their clothes, their imprint in the bed. It hits me like a hammer and I suddenly find that my legs won’t hold me and I fold to the floor. Silver has been hovering the whole time and as soon as I go down he’s down with me, holding me tightly. It is such a relief to turn my face into his shoulder and sob as he holds me and strokes my head and back.

Suddenly I am startled by the sound of a car door slamming outside. For a moment my heart stops but I shake myself ... of course it isn’t them. I have seen them after all. I have seen...

Dragging myself to my feet I look out of the window and moan. “Stay here Silver.” I hiss at him as I make for the door.

“Why? What’s wrong?” He glances out of the window. “Who are those people?”

“My aunt and uncle. You really don’t want to meet them. Trust me, you won’t like them.”

“But...”

“Stay here Silver.” He flinches. Damn. He still has problems with commands but I don’t have time to stop and put it right. There is no way I want my aunt and uncle coming anywhere near him.

They were opening the front door as I reach the bottom of the stairs. “Aunt Sophy, Uncle Ray, how nice to see you again. This is an unexpected surprise.”

“You! What are you doing here?”

“I might ask you the same thing.”

“We are here to sort out my sister’s affairs and I would thank you to get out of my way and allow me to get on with it.”

“I think I am capable of handling my parents’ affairs without any help from you thank you very much. You can leave now.”

“You have no right...”

“I have every right. I am my parents’ next of kin and... I am sure you will be devastated to discover... executor of their wills and appointed guardian of Ben.” I am so glad I took the time to call the family solicitor before leaving home. “It seems as if my parents weren’t as deeply embedded in your vicious poison as you thought they were.”

“How dare you speak to your aunt like that?”

“I was speaking to both of you.”

“How dare you?” Aunt Sophy spits, looking at me as if she wishes I would spontaneously combust. If I try hard enough maybe I can make her do it. “Do you have no respect for your parents or your brother?”

“More than you do.”

“You defile their memory just by being here. Get out of their house you piece of filth.”

“I love you too Aunty Sophy. However I think you may have got things a little mixed up in that small and twisted brain of yours. This is my house now.”

“That’s impossible.”

“Go and speak to the solicitor. This is my house and I don’t want you in it.”

“Nonsense.” Aunt Sophy sweeps past me, pushing me out of the way. I grit my teeth trying to keep my temper as she wanders into the living room and starts picking up objects at random and looking at them with a shrewd eye. At least Uncle Ray has the grace to be embarrassed by his wife’s blatant voyeurism.

“Please don’t do that, Aunt Sophy. I am sure that if there is anything my mother wished you to have she will have set it out in the will and if not, if there is anything specific you would like I am sure we could come to some arrangement.”

“As if I would even consider negotiating with... someone like you over my sister’s things. If anyone is going to be sorting through them it will be me.”

“I beg to differ. If anyone is going to be sorting through them it is going to be me... and Ben.”

She turns to me and narrows her eyes. “Ben? I think there may have been a misunderstanding if you intend to come back into his life. I have managed to keep him safe, away from your influence, for almost five years. It hasn’t been easy and if it had been left up to my sister you would have been back in his life and corrupting him years ago. I worked hard to make sure you were out of his life for good and if you think you are going to get within a mile of that boy you are sadly mistaken.”

“I am sorry, Aunt Sophy but it is you who are mistaken. I have already been to see Ben at the hospital and he is going to be coming home with me. I am his next of kin and I am the one who is going to be taking care of him.”

“You are more foolish than I thought you were. How could you possibly have expected to take that child home with you? I will not have that darling sweet boy corrupted by you and that... that... whore.”

I have been doing well keeping my temper but this is one step too far. If it had been my uncle who said it he would have been pinned against the wall. Fortunately I have been brought up too well to even consider laying a finger on a woman, even a poisonous, evil bitch like my aunt, so I simple take a step towards her. My face must show my feelings a little too clearly because she takes a step back.

“Aunt Sophy, you are my aunt, my family; the only family I have left now, apart from Ben. I have tried, trust me I have tried, to get along with you. I have gone out of my way to be nice to you but I wouldn’t go as far as lick your arse like everyone else did. For that you hated me and you couldn’t wait to find an opportunity to get rid of me. Once Ben was born you had your own perfect little nephew to mould in any way you wanted, because Ben was always sweeter and gentler than I am.

“You dripped poison into my parents’ ears until they truly believed that it was better if I was out of their lives and that I was a danger to Ben. I will put up with a lot, turn a blind eye to many things but think about this and think about it hard... If you ever.., ever speak about Silver like that again I will make you sorrier than you have ever been about anything in your life.”

“Are you threatening me? You heard him Ray... he threatened me.”

Her voice rises in pitch and I have never wanted to hit a woman so badly.

“River? Are you alright?”

Oh Fuck. I have never, in all the time I have known Silver, ever been sorry to hear the sound of his voice... until now. Why couldn’t he have listened to me? Why didn’t he stay put? This is disaster.

“Get out of here.” I hiss. “Get the fuck out of my house or I am going to call the police.”

Aunt Sophy narrows her eyes and pushes past me heading for the hall. I try to stop her but Uncle Ray gets in the way. I glare at him and he stares back blankly. To be honest I don’t think he’s really a bad man, he’s just been exposed to Aunt Sophy for too long. Dodging round him I get to the hall just in time to see Silver reach the bottom step, an uncertain smile on his face. His eyes flick from Aunt Sophy to me and he starts to look uneasy. I can’t see it but I can imagine the look on her face. I try to smile at him, try to give him reassurance with my eyes but I know it isn’t going to work as soon as Aunt Sophy opens her mouth.

“So you’re the freak everyone’s talking about. I don’t know what you’ve done to charm your way into my nephew’s pants but they were pretty loose in the first place. You don’t fool me with your pretty face and sexy body. You’re a freak, a sick pervert and I am damned if I am going to let you twist my nephew’s mind. You may have one of them under you spell but you won’t be getting the other.

“RIver was sick before you came along but at least then he had some discernment in the men he damned himself with. I never thought I would see the day when one of my own family would lower himself to sleep with a whore. Let me advise you to just walk away and leave him be or I will make damn sure that Ben won’t come within a mile of either of you.

I should have stopped her way before the end of that little diatribe but I was shocked, stunned, not only by the words but the manner in which she spoke them. I have never heard so much poison emanate from one mouth, one rotten heart. By the time I am moving Silver’s eyes are wide with shock and he has taken a step backwards, shaking his head.

I thought that I had wanted to hit her before... this time it takes every ounce of self control I have to hold my hand. As it is I grab her arm and point her towards the door with a little push.

“I won’t say this again. Get the hell out of my house before I call the police.”

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving. I wouldn’t dream of spending another minute in this place... not while you’re still here.” She is looking at Silver as she speaks and I so very nearly throw her bodily out the door. Before I can do anything Silver takes a step forward, paralysing me and catching even Aunt Sophy with the magic of those beautiful eyes.

“Why are you angry with River? Why do you say such terrible things to him... to me? What have we done wrong?”

For a moment Aunt Sophy almost softens. There is a look of such purity in Silver’s eyes. You can see the pain very close to the surface and you can see the sweetness too, hear it in his voice. How can anyone be angry with someone like that? How can anyone be cruel? How can anyone do what she does?

Aunt Sophy’s face seems to soften further and she actually smiles at Silver, awaking the smallest ghost of a smile on his. Although he is very perceptive in other ways Silver is a terrible judge of character. He thinks that everyone who is not actively trying to hurt him is a good person. One of the reasons he is so afraid of people is because he doesn’t understand them. He doesn’t understand the things he has seen about them on television, why they hurt each other. He is so open, trusting. He doesn’t deserve to be hurt, not like this.

Taking a small step towards him Aunt Sophy puts her hand on Silver’s arm. “You seem like such a nice boy. I’m sure that you could have been.”

The soft conciliatory tones of her first sentences lull us all into a false sense of security I think because I don’t see the poison coming until it’s too late. Still in that gentle tone of voice that hides the content of her words until it’s too late to stop them she says:

“But you have to understand that you are sick. The things that you have done are evil, abhorrent and you taint and spoil everything you touch. I do not want someone like that, someone vile and disgusting, touching my family and making it rotten like you. It’s best if you leave. You will only hurt River...and Ben if you stay.”

“How dare you? You bitch. Get out of my house. Get out now.”

This time I do physically throw her out. She is still holding on to Silver’s arm and he is dragged with her until she lets him go. He overbalances and falls to his knees as Uncle Ray follows his wife out of the door, which I slam.

I couldn’t care less about them. They could have turned into aliens on the drive and taken off in their spaceship and I wouldn’t have given them a second thought because all my thoughts are with Silver now. He has made no attempt to get up and he is kneeling, his head down, his body shaking.