Dual Edged Hope - 1. Dual Edged Hope

“How exactly can you disregard the misogyny within the mythos relating to the nature of women based on Pandora, then?”

Ayiwyn blew out a slow breath, containing his aggravation. He’d been surfing the endorphin high from their run. “Really? Ancient Lit? We’re going to discuss that now?”

“Why not?” Perry asked. “It’s not like you’re using your brains.”

“I’m trying to concentrate. Thirty-nine.”

Perry waved a finger at him, adding an eye roll. “That’s twenty-nine, quit cheating. And you don’t need to concentrate to do sit ups.”

“Thirty.” Ayiwyn paused with his chest against his knees. He wiped sweat off his forehead with the back of his arm. “You just want me to give you topic points for the paper Professor Cavery assigned.”

“Maybe. But c’mon … the first woman ever created lets loose all the evils in her ‘box’ to plague mankind. You’re going to tell me that isn’t misogynistic?” Perry was perched on Ayiwyn’s feet, holding them down.

“Look at the culture of the times,” Ayiwyn grunted, “of course it’s misogynistic now but back then that was the status quo. But that angle is overdone. You shouldn’t do a paper on the representation of women in ancient literature like Works and Days, or compare it to the christian view of Eve either. Go in a different direction.”

“Like what?” Perry bounced on his toes, crushing them with her knees. “Don’t hold out on me now, or I’ll lose count. Now you’re at thirty-nine,” she said when he came up again. “Just eleven more and you can rest for a minute.”

Ayiwyn grimaced. “Slave driver.”

“Yes, and I’m going to crack my whip ancient Greek style if you don’t talk. Come on, this is your field of study; you love ancient cultures.”

His stomach burned, but the exercise felt good, so Ayiwyn didn’t stop doing sit ups, panting out the words as he curled up to his knees. “I like history, hence the education major and plans to teach high school history. But I want a smoothie after all this, and I’m broke, so if I tell you what to write you gotta buy me one. It’s worth at least that much for the paper I’m about to hand you.” Ayiwyn could feel the sweat running down his back and grimaced. He’d been slow to appreciate exercise, but now he was into it even if the sweat was gross.

“You’re on. Lay it out for me, baby.”

“Ughs.” Ayiwyn grimaced. “I am not your baby. Knock it off.” He hated being called baby. Who called a six foot man a baby? Overenthusiastic best friends with a bad sense of humor, apparently.

“Just get on with it! Forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty.”

Collapsing back, Ayiwyn shoved his legs out flat, knocking Perry off his feet and onto the floor. She huffed and then sat up on his bed. “Come on,” she whined, “it’s due in four days, and I apparently have nothing original to write about.”

Ayiwyn sat up. “You’re looking to explain aspects of the story based on the time Hesiod was writing, correct?”

She nodded.

“Okay, well instead of looking at the subtext of the main character, why not look at the subtext surrounding hope. Interpretations on the actual word used in the story vary, right? What does elpis really mean? It doesn’t really mean hope in the literal meaning of the word today. It means expectation of something, but is it the expectation of good or the expectation of bad? If it’s good, then what was it doing in the box? Or is it the expectation of something bad, as it would seem since it was shut up in the box with all the evils that were released to plague mankind?”

He began wiping the sweat off his face and arms with a small towel. Ayiwyn sat up and wrapped the towel around the back of his neck. “You can make it a two-part paper to get even deeper into it by discussing what role the box plays. Is it imprisoning hope or preserving it for mankind? Which is more likely based on the author’s life and the culture he lived in?”

“So instead of focusing on how the cultural clime attributed to Pandora’s characterization I should focus on how the nature of hope is related in the poem for my paper?”

“Exactly. Take a chance; it’s not the same paper everyone else is doing.”

Perry swayed a little from side to side as she thought about his idea. “I need to do more research. Time to go to the library.” She stood up.

“Oh no you don’t!” Ayiwyn popped up from the floor. “You’re getting me my smoothie first.” He grabbed his keys from the dresser on his side of the room.

“Well, you can’t go like that.” Perry waved her hand at his sweaty tank top and shorts. “Not unless you want Mr. Hot Ass you were exchanging smoldering looks with at the café to see you like that. Doesn’t he work Thursdays?”

“I was not exchanging smoldering looks with anyone at the café.” Ayiwyn turned around to find his jacket in the closet, just in case he was blushing. Perry knew he didn’t do stuff like that. Dating was always a disaster for him; the guys he picked to go out with always expected him to be someone else based on his size.

“So that dark haired guy that you were staring at with your tongue practically hanging out when I walked by the other day isn’t your type? Because you seemed to be his with the way he was looking back at you. You have to take a shot at that, Wyn. Have you seen the way he fills out those jeans?”

“Yeah. Wait, no, I mean ….” Argh. She was impossible to be around. “No, I was not staring at his ass, and he certainly wasn’t looking at me!” He smoothed his hand over his skinny stomach and glanced out the window. “It does look cold, maybe I’ll change first.”

Perry laughed. Her blue eyes were practically dancing with mischief. “Your jacket should keep you warm enough, don’t you think? Let’s go, just like you are. Unless you feel like dressing up for him.” She was in her workout clothes, her hair pulled up into a messy pony tail.

Ayiwyn was in a tight pair of black pants with a pair of shorts over them and a tank top. He was sweaty from their run and cool down, but he didn’t stink. If he took the time to change Perry would never let him live it down. To have any hope of derailing her insistence that Mr. Hot Ass was … oh no, he was so not going to be calling him that in his head. His name was Von; Ayiwyn had seen his nametag.

“Fine, let’s go.”

The cool air ruffled his sweaty hair back from his forehead. Perry was skipping along beside him, back to her bubbly self now that she had an angle for her paper, and from the grin she was sporting, some sort of plan to torture him.

“You’re not going to do anything, right?”

“Me?” She put a hand on her chest, her mouth open. “Would I do that?”

He considered turning around right then. There was no telling if Perry would say she was going to the library but head to the café and do something even more embarrassing for him than if Ayiwyn was there to stop her. They made it around the corner before he could decide which might be worse, and then they were there.

Never one to wait for a guy, when Ayiwyn hesitated to open the door, Perry pushed it open and stepped inside first. The bells jangled against the door. There were quite a few people inside the café, mostly college students based on the backpacks and books set out here and there. The scent of coffee filled the air along with baked goods and cinnamon.

There was a couple at the register but no one was taking their order. Maybe he wasn’t there today. Maybe Ayiwyn would get—

“There he is.” Perry almost squealed in his ear, tugging him down so she could point to the lean, dark haired guy weaving his way through a few tables back toward the counter area. Von had a red apron tied around his trim waist with the bow tied on one hip. He had a round tray tucked under his arm as he hustled back to the counter.

“Shh!”

“Sorry about that,” Von said to the people in front of them. “Jenna will be back from her break in a few minutes.” His fingers flew over the register as he took an order. “Give me just a minute.”

He turned around and bent down to get a new stack of cups. He really did have a spectacular ass, filling out his jeans perfectly. Ayiwyn’s pants were not tight enough and his shorts were not loose enough for this provocation. Not in a million years. He jerked off his jacket and folded it over his arms.

“What’s the matter, Wyn? Hot in here?” Perry’s voice was never quiet but he was pretty sure she was a little extra loud so the guy would hear her over the sound of the milk steaming at the espresso machine. He sent a small smile their way, and then looked back down.

“Yeah.” Ayiwyn’s voice came out garbled. He was going to strangle her right there, right where they stood.

“Good thing you want a smoothie and not a hottie, I mean a hot drink.” Evil. Her smirk was pure evil.

Finally it was their turn to order. Ayiwyn’s heart was beating hard enough that it could probably be seen pounding against his chest. A vaguely nauseous feeling swirled in his stomach. What if Perry said something to Von and he wasn’t interested? He’d never be able to come here again.

What if she was right?

What if he just went back to high school and put on a skirt? Lords.

“One Green Tea Mango smoothie and one soy non-fat caramel mocha please.” Perry dug around in her bag for her wallet. “Why don’t you go get us those chairs that just opened up in the corner, Wyn?”

Finally, she was taking some pity on him. Ayiwyn loped over to the chairs before anyone else could take them. His long legs hung out in the walking space, so he tucked them close to avoid tripping the two older women who walked past him toward a table, shooting him a glare. He shrugged; random women glaring at him was nothing compared to how Perry would react if he lost her favorite spot.

He couldn’t see Perry from his spot against the wall. He tapped his fingers against the arm of the chair as he waited. How long did it take to make two drinks? Ayiwyn jerked up in his seat when Von came around the corner with two drinks in his hand.

“Here’s your smoothie.” He held it out to Ayiwyn.

“Uh.” Where the hell was Perry? Von shook his cup a little and Ayiwyn finally grabbed it from him. “Thanks.” Should he ask him? No. “You can set Perry’s drink down on the table; I don’t know where she went, but I’m sure she’ll be right back.”

Surprise made Ayiwyn jerk sideways when Von dropped into the chair next to his. “She said she had to go to the library. Something about hope and taking a chance.”

“Oh. Well … thanks for telling me.” She was so going to get creamed the next time he saw her. “I guess I should go.”

Von frowned a little. “What’s your rush, Wyn?” He took a sip of the drink in his hand. “I have a few minutes and thought we could talk for once. Perry’s told me a lot about you.”

Ayiwyn had been standing up, not wanting to waste Von’s time making an idiot out of himself, like he knew he would. He dropped back down in the chair, his mouth hanging open. Von knew his name. He ran a hand through his hair. “Wait. You know Perry?”

“Sure, we’re in Ancient Lit together. We worked together last week to write a paper on Hesiod’s poetry.”

They did what now? Ayiwyn wasn’t sure what to say but his eyes narrowed. Perry had a lot of explaining to do.

“So, Perry tells me that you’re an education major?” Von crossed one leg over the other. He rolled his cup between his hands, looking at me. “For history, right?”

“Yeah.”

Von cocked his head. “You do know you have to talk to teach, right?”

Switching gears wasn’t really his thing. He’d spent a few months watching Von, and the last few weeks wondering if Von’s looks back at him were what they seemed, or if he was hoping for something that wasn’t realistic. Von was just as cool as his name. Slim, spiked up dark hair, always wearing fashionable clothes, he chatted with everyone and there wasn’t a single customer that Ayiwyn had seen that didn’t have a smile back for the cheerful man.

In other words, Ayiwyn’s complete opposite.

“Wyn? Ayiwyn?”

“I gotta go.” He jumped up, his smoothie forgotten in his hand, and rushed out of the café. By the time he got back to his dorm his roommate was back.

“Dude, where’s the fire?”

Ayiwyn collapsed on his bed, ignoring Ben. He was so embarrassed. Ayiwyn had no idea what was worse, the very obvious set up Perry had made talking him up to Von and then leaving him at the café so they could finally meet outside of him making an almost inaudible order, or him spazzing out and running. His mind was spinning, and all he could think about was how stupid he was acting.

“Man, if you’re just going to stew on your bed in whatever freak out you have going on today, could you go shower first?” Ben spun his chair away from his desk.

What the hell was up with everyone today? Were they all nuts? When did Ben care about how he smelled? “You’re one to talk. You were skating all morning. I’m pretty sure it’s your own stench you’re smelling.”

“Just go shower.” Ben snagged his towel off the back of his chair and threw it at his face.

Ayiwyn shoved it down and sat up. “Geez. Fine, I’m going, Mom.”

The showers were not quite tall enough for him, but the water pressure was great. Standing in front of the mirror, Ayiwyn sighed. He should probably shave, but the light stubble on his face wasn’t worth it. He grabbed his damp towel and his dopp kit. His stomach growled. It had to be close to dinner time. He decided to drop off his stuff and then go grab some food.

And… he wasn’t going alone. Perry sat on his bed when he walked in but Ben was nowhere to be found.

What was with all the set ups? His friends sucked. In fact… “You suck.” Ayiwyn set his dopp kit on his dresser and draped his towel back over his desk chair so it could dry. He folded his arms over his chest and stared down at Perry. “How could you do that to me? You know I’m not good at shit like that. You just left me there!”

She stood up and put her hands on her hips. “Excuse me for trying to set you up with a great guy. Von’s really nice and I think you’d be great together, but you wouldn’t even let the guy talk to you. You know, he asked me about you after we met in class, not the other way around. I just agreed to help him out, but you ran away like a coward. Can you guess how that made him feel?”

Ayiwyn slumped down in his chair. “Damn it.” He ran a hand through his damp hair, shoving it back. “Okay, I suck.”

“You do,” she said.

“Well thanks for agreeing with me for once.” How did he fix it? “So are you going to tell me what to do now? You still owe me, even if I was an ass to Von; I gave you that awesome paper idea.”

“Which I don’t need.” Perry looked away from him.

“Bullshit.” He snorted. “You wrote the misogyny paper, didn’t you?”

“Okay, fine, I did. And now I have to write a whole new paper because you’re right. Are you happy now? That should be more than enough to get back at me. I’m going to end up spending all weekend in the library to get it done for class on Monday.”

It served her right. “And you left to come here?” She really was a good friend. Perry took her classes seriously, even though Classic Lit seemed to be kicking her ass.

“Well someone had to. Ben said you were moping worse than ever, and you didn’t even notice when I called. You know that you can’t meet a guy without actually meeting a guy, right? So you’ve had horrible taste in twinks before.” She shrugged. “Von is approaching you, so I’m pretty sure he has great taste in guys, and you don’t need to worry about it.”

Ayiwyn blew out a breath. “It’s not that easy. I can’t just shut the anxiety off.”

“Well you don’t have to worry about whether or not he likes you anymore, right? You know he’s into you, so you’re not sitting in the café just wondering if you’re hoping too hard.”

She got it, she really did. Ayiwyn sank back in her chair. She was right. He’d been so locked up about that. Somehow he’d gotten trapped between wanting to keep the status quo, just in case Von really wasn’t trying to flirt with him like he’d thought and hating the anxiety of not knowing.

His stomach growled. Ayiwyn sighed. “I need to eat dinner. I didn’t even drink my smoothie. Do you want to come with me?” He bent down to the edge of his bed and grabbed his shoes, pulling them on.

“Well….”

Uh oh. Ayiwyn sat up slowly. “What did you do?” After three years he knew that tone.

“I really do have to work on that paper. I need a really good grade to pull up my average. The thing is … I knew you’d figure out I was right.”

This was going to be a doozy. Perry had started fidgeting with her hair again.

“Von might be waiting in the common room. I might have told him that you always go to dinner at five. I told him that you didn’t know what I was doing earlier and it was my fault you freaked out, not his.”

“So wait, he was never mad at me?”

She shook her head.

“You just said that to make me feel guilty, didn’t you?”

She shrugged, a small smile on her face that she couldn’t hide.

“Damn, you’re evil, Perry.” If Ayiwyn didn’t know that she really cared about him, he’d have been more upset. Instead, the butterflies in his stomach were more important. He almost wasn’t hungry anymore.

“He’s not mad at me?”

“Nope,” Perry said. “He actually wants to apologize for making you feel cornered. He’s a good guy, Wyn, and he likes you. I think you should give him a chance."

Ayiwyn stared at the door. He could take a chance, be positive, and hope things with Von could go well instead of worrying about the disappointment if the relationship he hoped for between them didn’t work out.

“Okay, I’ll do it.”