Peace and Quiet - 1. Chapter 1

"You'll come back, kitten! They always do!" he yelled as I stalked away with a back pack of clothes. That cocky attitude had not changed in the slightest after all these years and I was tired of it. Tired of the names, tired of the hitting, tired of seeing him every day...tired of living this life. The one he gave me no choice in living. I flipped him the bird.

I knew I had a long way to go and very little to get there in the way of money. I had five hundred dollars in my account that I would be pulling out and thirty-five in my wallet. I could maybe get a plane ticket to Montana for that, but I hated to fly now. I hated crowds now, really, all thanks to that fucking asshole I was leaving. I hated to swim when I use to love it. So many thing he ruined...

"Stop thinking about him, Quint, he's nothing but a memory." I chided myself.

The walk to town was an easy one for me when I had marched for hours longer when I served in the Army. Most people around the town knew me very well and they knew by the look in my eye that I was in no mood for idle chatter small town folks were known for. Even the sheriff took a few hasty steps back when he came to see why I had a black eye and a fresh busted lip. "Want me to talk to him?" was all he asked.

"I want you to put a bullet in his brain. Of course you'll have to aim below the belt and you still might miss. Since you can't do that, sheriff, I don't want nothing from him."

"This time for good?" I knew Jim was just being polite. Few people liked my now ex boyfriend. I nodded and just walked on to the bank.

I closed my account, the one that my small income came to from my odd jobs around the area, and then left to go to the store for some basic things I would need, the main one being a bus ticket to the airport. Susie Mae just looked at me and shook her head. "'Taint right what he done to you, sugar." I avoided her look and paid for my ticket and some snacks. "You goin home to Montana?" I nodded. "Good. I'm sure your Mama will be right happy to see you after all this time." I gave her a small smile and went out to the bus stop to wait. I knew I would have a long time to wait too, so I had grabbed a book and curled up on the bench with my nose buried in it. I don't know if people were just staring at my face or at my book, but I got a lot of looks from anyone who glanced me long enough.

I know a gay guy ain't too common in my little town and I think I was the only one who made no secret of it. Not that I swished and swayed like the ones in the movies. I was masculine enough that no one could find fault in the way I acted other than me being antisocial. So they should not have been surprised I was reading a gay romance novel. The cover art wasn't even graphic, just two guys holding hands on stage while the crowd cheered them on. A nice love story set out west in California. I ignored all of the looks and just went on reading until the bus pulled up.

At the airport I found out some very bad news. The ticket would cost me nearly twice what I had left to leave today but if I waited two months I could get it for half that. All because I hadn't booked in advance. "I'm really very sorry, sir, but this is company policy."

"Thank you. Next time I get my boyfriend's fist upside my head I'll plan for a ticket in advance." I just grabbed my stuff and went out to the street wondering what I would do. It was a long way to Montana and I might be able to afford a train, but I would never be able to last the trip without killing some poor guy for snoring while I was trying to sleep.

I decided to do something I would only have done if I was crazy or desperate. Hell, I was probably both. I hailed a cab and told him to take me to the nearest Walmart. I bought a tent, small cooking pot, utensils and a tumbler to drink out of. I bought a sleeping bag and a new pair of hiking boots. Then I bought food that wouldn't spoil. Last was something I probably could have done without: a GPS device and enough batteries to last me the trip. A small mirror and razors.

If I couldn't fly home, I could walk.

Being alone was something of a joy to me. Not having to answer when he called my name, not having to endure the stares of folks who probably meant well, not having to worry if my behavior gave away my shame. I knew I could never escape my shame, the one he inflicted on me, but at least now...now I could see if I couldn't use it.

"Quintin Marshall?" I stopped and turned back at the surprised tone. I saw Mary Beth Sutter, the school teacher from my former town. "I almost didn't recognize you with that gear on and no Amos around to keep people from you."

"I left him, Mary Beth. For good."

"About time you started thinking 'bout yourself." She looked me over critically. "I would ask where you're going, but I don't think I want to know the answer. Here," she said an reached for her wallet.

"I can't..."

"You can and you will." She handed me a fifty. "It won't get you far, but at least you can save it for when you absolutely need it. You never were one for charity, Quintin, but this...this is a gift from one survivor to another." I met her eyes, which was rare for me unless I was angry at a person. I saw that she knew what I must have gone through to get this far. "When you get where you're going, gimme a call. Just let me know you're okay." I looked back down at the fifty in my hand.

"I will. You take care of them kids back there. Teach them right, so they don't have to be in our shoes." I just turned and walked away.

"You might consider getting a haircut. Show off those pretty green eyes." I scoffed and kept walking. My eyes...they used to be blue. And my hair used to be black. Now...pale green and blond...because of him. Because I believed him when he said he loved me and let him...

...I forced my mind away from that day and looked at the road ahead. I knew I could cover a hundred miles a day if I had to. I was in good shape and few people could match my endurance unless they were like me. I looked ahead, knowing I could not simply walk straight to my home town. I would have to meander through towns and territories, stopping some places and avoiding those I didn't want nothing to do with. It would be hard as sometimes the territories were mighty close together and I would have to pay my respects to those I had to pass through.

"Well, Quint, ain't no time like the present," I said to myself and began walking.

* * *

I had gone a few days without incident, eating sparingly of the food I bought and living more off of what I could hunt and gather. One good thing about my Pop was he taught me to live off the land. My diet was lean, yes, but it was better than eating fast food. By day I would walk as far as I could until the sun was just touching the horizon. Then I would make camp and prepare for the night...and the hunt.

Out there, in the middle of nowhere, I could see if my shame was useful. I had always loved the night and now even more so. When my camp was set up I took a few deep breaths. I hadn't done this enough to get use to it. I slipped out of my clothes and got down on all fours. It happened, that thing that I always kept in check just happened. I whimpered in pain as I felt my bones crack and my body change. Hair sprouted like wildfire and whiskers grew. My hand and feet became heavy paws and my muscles became more solid. My whimper became a growling hiss as the last part, my stubby tail, grew. Then I was able to curl up for a few moments to rest. My shame...I'm a Lycan. Not a wolf either. Nope, I got a lynx.

A big one, else my ego would never let me change ever. That asshole, all those years ago, had bitten me during sex. We had been dating for four months and when he finally was able to get me in the sack he bit me and the next moon I changed. He started calling me kitten and I began to really loathe him. I didn't have a choice in the matter. I was never told he was a fucking Lycan...

Getting to my feet, I stretched and looked around at the lightly wooded area. I had seen deer tracks earlier so I knew they lived around here. Now, to find one. It wouldn't be hard. Hunting had always been easy for me even before this...change. It was only easier now. Finding the trail, I padded off. I did mark my camp in case anything wanted to be sneaky behind my back. I was in neutral territory here and no wolf pack claimed these lands...yet. I smelled them though.

The night was alive with scents that my animal side longed to chase after. A raccoon running off nearly pulled me from my hunt but I stopped after two butt wiggles and remembered where I was going. The tracks led towards a small creek I smelled and I knew I would find the down there for a nightly sip. They would probably be more wary of wolf scent so I might be able to get closer for the pounce and kill.

I didn't have long to wait to find the deer and I was thankfully down wind. It was a doe, not too large, and should be able to bring her down myself. My steps were as silent as possible and she didn't hear me at all, but I stopped in my tracks as I smelled a territory marker...and she was just inside it. Dammit, I wanted that kill. Frustrated, I turned to go...and saw a Lycan man standing there with his gun. I froze when he sighted and hoped he wasn't a good shot. I heard the gun and waited for the pain, flinching. I had gotten too close to their territory.

But the pain never came. When I opened my eyes he was looking at me. "Go ahead." He gestured to the deer which was now dead. A good clean kill, one only a famed Hunter could make. Every Lycan knew of the Pack Hunters. "One deer won't mean much to our pack."

I backed towards the deer slowly, keeping my eyes on him and my other sense open for anything that might be a trap. I grabbed the kill by the throat and started back to my camp. I did turn to look at the Hunter. "Want me to come with?" I nodded. "Okay. Beats walking the perimeter for a few minutes." He slung his rifle over his shoulder and fell in step beside me. He never offered to help me carry it, even when I struggled to drag it back. He knew I would have refused. "I don't speak Felis, so we can talk in a bit." I growled an assent, glad he wasn't expecting anything right now.

Back at camp I set the deer down by the fire and slipped into my tent to change back and get dressed. It was almost more painful for me to change back than to. As much as I hated my animal side, I loved the feel of the night. "Thanks," I said as I came out. I set about to gut, skin and preserve the deer meat for later.

"Not a problem. I was trailing you along the border for a few miles and saw you change. When you stopped after tracking the deer I knew you weren't a threat. Couldn't let you go to all that trouble for nothing."

"I meant for not shooting me." He laughed.

"My name is Tommy."

"Quintin." We made small talk and I have to admit that I had missed simple talks like this. Nothing was expected other than being polite and we both knew that we would never see each other again once I moved on. Reminded me a bit of my Dad and me before I shipped off. Just easy conversation about safe things.

"If you want a place to stay for a night or two, there is a town just about ten miles west. Got a nice hostel that puts nomads up for simple house chores. Might make it easier to take more meat for traveling. Might even earn some cash if you sell the parts you don't want.”

I knew he was just being polite, but towns made me uneasy now. They had people in them, people who may not take kindly to me. “I'll think about it.”

“Caution is good. I don't want to tell you what to do, but you're one man alone out here. There have been Ferals attacking the outskirts of the territory since the Split and the Leader has his hands full keeping his pack safe. He won't spare a thought to protecting a nomad.” That was bad news. I had heard that the Pack had split a few years ago. Another alpha had challenged the Leader and won. Instead of killing him, the other alpha took some territory and broke away to have his own pack. The Leader must be having a tough time of it if he can't keep his border safe.

“Ferals? Lupus?” Tommy nodded. That was no good. I couldn't take on a Feral werewolf. I was too weak even in full form for that. Too small and they could do some serious damage to me before I could run. I could not run far enough either as they could run for far longer than I could.

“Just think about it. I'll let the town know you're coming through either way.” He stood and picked up his rifle. “Stay safe, Quintin.” He nodded and stalked off for his rounds.

The idea of a town was nothing I wanted to think on, but the reality of Ferals was something I was too smart to ignore. I would have to stay in the town until I could save up some money to get home. I could do odd jobs around, maybe. I finished my work and curled up next to the fire in case I needed to run.

The town was larger than I had hoped, but smaller than I was afraid of. When I passed into the territory I had felt like a thousand eyes were on me, but it wasn't that bad. I wasn't shot or even looked at funny when I came to the hostel. It was called the Lone Wolf...har har har. When I entered, the woman behind the desk looked up and I could see her sniff. “You must be Quintin. Tommy said you might stop in.”

“Yeah.” She stood and towered over me. She was huge and when I sniffed I could smell werebear. Tall, muscular, blonde...she could beat any other Lycan I had seen in brute strength.

“I got a room set up for you. And some drying racks for whatever meat you got left. My name is Brigid Whitebear. My husband and I own and run the hostel. Always looking to find helpers for a few nights.” I nodded as she led me to the room. It was next to the back door and across from the bathroom. I was glad of that. Had Tommy said I was cautious? If so, she was a great hostess.

The room was twelve feet by fifteen feet and had a bed, a small dresser, a mirror and a desk with chair. There was a fresh towel on the bed already and I got the subtle hint that I should bathe first. “Thanks. Need any help before I take a shower?” I was tired as I hadn't slept last night, but I would work as much as I needed.

“No. You go ahead and relax. Drop your meat off out back and then take it easy until supper. That's at six o'clock.” Her smile was kind as she went back out to the desk.

I set up my meat for drying, glad to see I was the only one using it, and grabbed the rolled up hide to sell along with the hooves and whatnot. I had passed a tanners on the way here and figured I could sell them the stuff. I got a decent price for it all too. Not enough to get home, but I could save up more if I did a few odd jobs over the next few days until the meat dried. Hopefully it would be enough because I wanted to live to see home again.

Out of the shower I felt more human than I had in a very long time. I shaved my face from the days of stubble and I looked at my face in the mirror. Where had this person gone? I looked more my age instead of years older. I wasn't a huge catch but I would turn some heads. That thought made me sick. I didn't want to turn heads. I wanted to go home and live on the farm away from everyone else. I backed away from the mirror and dressed quickly. I should have kept the beard.

I hung the towel up in the room and stepped out back to look at the fading day. I was in a strange town without a single friend in the area and I was oddly at peace. No Amos around to make my waking hours hell and to even plague my sleeping ones with nightmares. No gunshots waking me for a combat situation. It was quiet...I missed this.

A mountain of a man entered the back gate. That had to be Brigid's husband. No smaller man could handle her. He was thickset around the waist, but it fit the rest of his enormous bulk. He wasn't fat so much as just plain old big. Beard with some gray, flannel shirt with no sleeves, jeans and huge boots, he carried a massive double headed ax. Something told me he wouldn't hurt a fly until provoked and only then would he be dangerous.

Trotting on his heels was a smaller, leaner version of the man. He was still beefy, but he would never be as big as his old man. Maybe nineteen, he was almost pretty, looking too much like his mama. I could still see the man in him though. The way he moved, mostly. Like a lumbering bear. “Howdy,” said the man, “I'm Jessup. This is my boy Zeke. You must be Quintin.” I stood up and shook his big mitt when he offered. He topped me by over a foot easily, but he didn't loom like some guys did.

“Yessir.”

“Brig get you all set up?” I nodded. “Ain't one for conversation?”

“Not much.” I wasn't. Talking led to bonding and I didn't want that right now.

“Then skirt wide of Zeke. He never shuts up.” The lad grinned and gave his old man a shove.

“Only because you encouraged me to talk when I was a kid. Not my fault your raised a chatterbox.” I liked the sound of their voices. Big, rumbly, and gentle. “Don't let my Dad fool you. I can be quiet...if I can concentrate.”

“Therein lies his problem. Go wash up for supper, Zeke. Your Mama will want some help in the kitchen with a guest here.” The kid nodded to me as he went inside. “How long you staying?”

“Until I can either earn enough money for a bus ticket home or until it's obvious I ain't gonna be able to.”

“Good philosophy. You got the look of a soldier.” I nodded.

“US Army.”

“Good. Means you know what work is. I'll tell ya that most the town is Lycan and those that ain't know what we are.” I know my shock showed on my face. An entire town of Lycans and humans who knew they were? I never heard of something like that. Amos pretty much told me I would be killed if a non-Lycan found me out. “It's a shock for them to know, but safer. So don't feel like you have to hide it unless you want to. Ain't no one's business but your own.” I nodded. It was a scary thought to let other people know I could change into a furball whenever I wanted.

Supper was simple yet it filled me faster than I thought. I knew I was on a leaner diet but not that lean. Still, the entire thing was tasty. Conversation was light and most of it flowing from Zeke. I had never met a person who talked that incessantly. It was like a never ending flow of thoughts that seemed entirely random until the end of it all when everything clicked. Brigid tried to get a word in edgewise to tell the boy to shut up, but she couldn't. Jessup just let a quiet wuff out and Zeke went quiet. Only then did he realize that he hadn't stopped to take a breath for a long time. He colored a bit. “Sorry.”

As we were cleaning up I took the plates and cutlery to the kitchen and started the water. Brigid didn't even ask what I was doing, she simply went to have her evening of rest. Jessup went out back and I could hear him chopping wood with the last light. Zeke came to help me with the dishes. “You don't talk much, do you?”

“Not really. I was always told to be quiet.”

“That bites. I mean I talk a lot, but Dad only wuffs at me when I need to take a breather. I heard you were Army.” I nodded as I started the pans to soak. “Dad has a lot of respect for our servicemen. I was thinking about joining. What are your thoughts?”

“Loaded question. If you don't mind being yelled at and told what to do about everything in your life, then you only need to work hard. If you don't mind being stark naked with other guys and dealing being alone and then with the same people for months on end, then you only need to work hard.”

Zeke laughed. “Sounds like being at home and in high school. And being naked with guys doesn't bother me at all.” I got the inferred meaning as this close I could smell that he was attracted to me. It was a bit scary, but he wasn't trying push his attentions on me. I guess he got that the feeling was not entirely mutual and shook his head. “Do you think they would take me?”

“If you ever learned to shut up, maybe. You got the build for it, but I ain't heard of one of us going in after they was...” I just let it go, realizing I was getting a bit heated already.

“You can tell me to stuff it, but you didn't get turned by choice, did you?” He was genuinely concerned. Kid had a good heart.

“Stuff it,” I said, although I smiled enough to let him know I wasn't really upset, it was just a touchy subject.

“I'm stuffed,” he said and for the first time in a good long while I laughed. He grinned back and we finished up our work.

The rest of the days I spent at the Wolf were probably the best time of my life since I got home from the service. I was up at dawn with Jessup doing chores, helping Brigid around the place when I saw a hand was needed, helped Zeke repair a roof a few doors down cause he was just too big to do it. Just simple living, nothing complex and nothing asked for that was too much. And slowly I began to find a bit of peace again. People hired me for odd things here and there. Shopping for an elderly lady who was convalescing after minor surgery, wood cutting for a family who just got a new wood burning stove and wanted to try it out, even walking dogs. Those were funny because dog normally avoided Lycans but they seemed to like me. So my savings was increasing.

As was my smiling. Zeke was the main source for that. I could sit and listen to him blather on all durned day and just marvel. He never did take a breath. It had to some sort of super power cause he could natter on about this person from high school who was dating this other person who was cheating on them with this other person. The ladies in the beauty parlor had nothing on his gossip and I just sat there in awe. Times he would just say something stupid to get a reaction out of me or pull a funny face and it would always make me laugh. I hadn't laughed like this in years.

And then, all of a sudden, I had saved enough to buy a plane ticket home. I would be finally going home. To forget my past, to forget about being in society, to keep safe my shame. Yet I had found a place here at the Lone Wolf. A place I would always have fond memories of. Zeke and his chatter, Jessup and his ability to get everything across with so few words and knew when words were not needed, Brigid and her little things. Things that said I was welcome here as long as I liked. Things my mom would have done. Mrs. Jenkins and the her prized Pomeranian who'd be walked by no one but me. Here was a place I would come back to and know I would have smiles waiting instead of pity in their eyes.

Jessup saw my bags were packed one day. “Finally leaving.”

“Yeah. I got enough to get me home on a plane.” He nodded and for him that was that. He didn't need to say goodbye. He didn't need to say he liked having me there. I knew it.

Brigid was a bit more open. “You've been a saintly guest, Quintin, and you'll be sorely missed around here. If you're ever in the area look us up.”

Zeke seemed to take it the hardest. “You really gotta go? I mean, I know you do, but I hate to see a friend leave.” He ran his hand through his hair and toed the dirt of the drive.

“I have to go or I'll never leave. You 'n your family have been great. Just what I needed to get a bit of peace back.”

“You could stay. I know the folks agree with me. Heck the entire town likes you. No one has said one wrong thing about you and I been listening.”

I know he had too. Like I said earlier he loved to gossip but not the evil kind that hurts. “I know, but my mama ain't getting any younger. High time I went home.” I would have gone on but what I saw made my blood run cold.

Amos was stalking up the road and I could tell he was pissed. How the hell had he followed me here? I had used multiple forms of public transportation and my trail was a month gone cold even for the best nose. His face was hard and his fists clenched as he spotted me. “What's wrong, Quint?” He looked to where I was looking and I smelled him get wary. “That's the one that turned you.” It was no question. “Dad!” he called and something in his tone brought the man out with Brigid beside him.

“Kitten, I have spent a month looking for you. It is time for you to come back home now.” Amos's words nice enough but his tone said he would drag me there if he had to.

“So you can hit me again? And I told you to stop calling me kitten. I ain't your kitten. I ain't even your friend anymore, so go home to Oklahoma and forget about me. Go find some other boy to whip on.” I knew better than to turn my back on him because he would grab me and then I would be hurting. Problem is he scared the shit out of me like combat never had. Jess and Zeke were big but they weren't bad. Amos was big and mean. I was shaking with fear and anger.

“You best not talk to me like that, kitten...” Amos stopped as Brigid took a step forward. They were the same height but right now she looked damn taller.

“You get off my property before I call the sheriff. If he doesn't come within ten minutes I'm calling the local Hunter to put a silver bullet between your lynx eyes. You try and take one of my guests, you will see why they say never mess with a she-bear.”

“This don't concern you, ma'am. I came to get what is mine.”

“One,” she said and Zeke grabbed his cell phone from his pocket. He handed it to her. Amos eyed it like it was solid silver. “Two,” she said and flipped it open.

“You will be coming home now or later, kitten,” he said as he turned to leave. “There ain't no place you can hide from me.” He didn't leave fast enough. For her.

She hit a speed dial number. “Tommy, it's Brig. We got a Lycan here who is trying to take Quint without him wanting to go.” She hadn't called the law, she'd called the Hunter. “Uh huh. Lynx. 'Bout six foot five and two hundred thirty pounds. Tawny hair, ugly look in his eyes.”

Brigid handed me the phone as Amos was walking away. “Hello?”

“Do not leave the Wolf until I get there. If he tries to take you by force the Whitebears can use lethal force with permission. I know you hate being cooped up, but right now stay there.” He hung up and I handed the phone to Zeke.

“Looks like I'm staying until Tommy gets here.” Brigid nodded sternly then her expression softened as she looked at me.

“If he tries anything you call me. I like you, Quintin, and no one will hurt you while you're a guest here. You bought that train ticket to the West yet?” I was about to correct her but her eyes flicked to Amos's back. He was still in hearing range.

“Yeah. Leaves Wednesday.” I hadn't bought my plane ticket yet.

“Good. Tommy will be here tomorrow likely and he'll stay to see you off. Now c'mon inside. I just pulled a pecan pie out of the oven.”

I was looking out the window that evening when Zeke tapped on the open door. “You got a minute?” he asked. I nodded and looked at him. He came in and sat at the desk chair looking at his hands. “You can tell me to stuff it, but he wasn't just the guy that turned you, was he?” I closed my eyes and shook my head. “He didn't tell you he was Lycan?” Again a shake. “I know you ain't part of the Pack, but infecting someone against their will is punishable under Pack Law, even for nomads. It's like rape and you can tell Tommy. He's ain't closed minded like some people and with Mom and Dad backing you it would not take much for that thing to be taken out back and removed.”

“I don't want him dead, Zeke, I want him gone.” I looked back outside and could see my reflection on the window which meant Zeke could too. He could see the hurt I felt. It was more for the peace I had found. That was gone now. “I thought I could get away and start over and let the past stay there. I'm tired of being me, Zeke. I know you were born Lycan, but I wasn't. I don't see it as natural. It's a shameful thing what he did and it makes me feel like I'm a shameful thing. I don't feel human much any more. I feel like a caged thing too sorry to leave but wishing I could.”

“But you did leave. You left that shit stain.”

“Did I? Had I left he wouldn't be there.” Zeke looked out the window and he could just barely make out Amos in the night. “He hasn't left yet for more than a few minutes. I never left my cage, I just changed cages.”

Zeke scratched at his head. “Tomorrow night is the moon. You one of those that have to get out?” I shook my head. “Then stay in. Dad and Mom have to be outside, but I can stay with you if you want.” I looked at him with a small smile. “I may not be full grown yet, but I have never heard of a lynx, Lycan or not, that can take on a thousand pound polar bear.”

“You really are white bears then?” He nodded. “I thought it was tribal.”

“It was about ten generations back. Then we got hairy.” I grinned and turned away from the window. “Look. You been here a month and I feel I can say you never deserve to feel like you've anything to be ashamed of. Being Lycan ain't so bad.” I just looked at him. “Hey, I'm serious. I mean I don't get to play contact sports in PE and a few of the guys don't want me to sit with them during lunch, but that's their problem. I got a bunch of friends, human and Lycan, who don't care that I turn into a polar bear every month. I had a human boy friend who used to ride around on my back.” That made me laugh just picturing it. “I mean we were thirteen so there wasn't anything more than kissing, but he didn't care. He didn't see it as something to hide from anyone. Folks around here don't care else they wouldn't live here.

“I know what I'm saying won't change anything right now, but maybe you can think about it. Even after you leave us for home, maybe you'll look back and think about us here. Maybe you'll see being Lycan in a new light since you seen people who don't hide it. We don't find shame in being what we are. I mean I wouldn't go around some other town yelling I'm a werebear. They'd lock me up in the loony bin.” I nodded and chuckled. Just having him here was pushing the blues away. “All I'm saying is think about what you can do since you can't undo what he did.” Without much more he left me to think on it.

And I did think. I thought real hard. I turned out the lights but I just lay there. I could still feel Amos outside, but it was more the thoughts in my head than anything he was doing that kept me awake. I was going home. I was not the same person at all, even before I got infected. I'd been places, seen things that would give nightmares to murderers, and come back from the military. I was a soldier who had seen combat. If that don't change you nothing will. Now I was Lycan. But was that who I was? Was I the trauma I had seen? Was I the screams in the night? Was I all that?

Logically no. I wasn't all that, but it was part of me. Part of who I had become. All I had to do was take all of that and make something out of it. It would take awhile, but Zeke was right. Why should I feel shame? I didn't when I came home from the front and I had killed people. I ain't killed no one when I got hairy. “Say it, Quintin,” I chided myself. “I'm a Lycan.” I said it out loud and it made my stomach tie up in knots but when the knots left they took some of that shame with it. It might take years, but now is when I had to start.