The Portal - 1. The Portal

The Portal

by Albert Nothlit

Brett Riley leans on the railing of the bridge overlooking the freezing river. It is early January, and when Brett leans forward he sees pieces of ice floating in the current.

He climbs onto the railing. Behind him cars speed past, their headlights illuminating Brett's crouched shape before disappearing down the freeway. A few drivers catch a glimpse of a young man perched precariously on the edge of the bridge, wearing a rumpled suit that is soaked from the morning's icy drizzle. None of them stop. Brett ignores them as well. His eyes are fixed on the swift waters of the river below, his thoughts darker than the overcast sky.

He clutches a wet piece of paper in his left hand. Laboratory tests. He has already read the results and his mind is chasing itself in circles as he shivers where he crouches.

He thinks of Samuel, who used to be his best friend until Brett decided to stop hiding. He doesn't know why Samuel comes to mind just now, but he decides it is fitting. Everything in Brett's life has gone downhill since he confessed to his best friend how he felt about him.

Brett had been prepared for rejection, but the end result of his confession was much worse than he had imagined. Samuel stopped talking to him. He spread rumors about Brett which the entire school believed. Brett's family had reacted with complete denial. The eldest son, the pride of the family, could not possibly be gay.

Brett left for college seeking acceptance, and he found it, but there was no true companionship in endless parties and casual sex. He started feeling empty inside. Now he is almost thirty and nothing has changed. He still feels lonely, no matter how hard he tries to find the one. Lately he has even stopped hoping he ever will.

Brett straightens up, barely keeping his balance. He stares at the icy waters below.

"Hey, you! Wait! Hey! Get back down!"

A man's voice, coming from behind. Brett spares a quick glance in that direction, expecting a cop. Instead he sees a man in a lab coat running towards him.

He looks so desperate that Brett obeys him. Brett climbs down carefully from the railing and lands safe on his feet just as the man catches up.

"Don't do it," the man pants, gasping for breath. Behind him, Brett can see a parked car with its emergency lights blinking.

One of the drivers stopped, after all.

"What's your name?" the man asks, taking off his glasses to wipe them. It's useless; the drizzle is becoming actual rain.

"Brett."

"I'm Patrick," the man says, stretching out a hand. Brett takes it, feeling that everything is somehow surreal. "I'm a scientist. I got a proposal for you."

"What is it?" Brett asks, as if the two of them were sitting in a café instead of standing on a bridge being sprayed with cold water by every passing car.

"Not here. Come with me, my car's over there."

Brett gives Patrick a long look. Patrick appears to be slightly older than Brett, with short blond hair and inquisitive blue eyes. He looks strong, but not dangerous.

"I don't think I should," Brett replies.

"Come on. The way I saw you up there, it looks like you got nothing to lose. I'll make it worth your while, I promise."

"What is it?"

"Nothing illegal."

Brett doesn't move.

Patrick sighs. "Fine, here's the deal. I just invented something and I need a test subject. Someone like you, actually, who looks like they would benefit from a second chance."

"I don't need money."

"That's not what I meant," Patrick says msteriously, "I'm offering you a second chance at life. A way to change whatever it is that went wrong with you, whenever it happened. Are you in?"

Normally Brett would say no, but Patrick is right. Just then, he has nothing to lose.

"Okay."

They get into Patrick's car and drive until they reach the suburbs. They stop in the driveway to an ordinary-looking house and get out, covering themselves against the rain. Patrick lets Brett into his home, offers him a dry towel, and leads him to his basement laboratory.

Brett follows cautiously, but when he ses the lab he forgets about his fears.

"Nice, huh?" Patrick asks. "The Portal is very flashy."

In the center of the room there is a circular array of what looks like hundreds of coiling silver cables that snake out into big electrical transformers. The cable array is set vertically, like some kind of crazy-scientist version of an oval mirror, but instead of empty space or a reflective surface in the middle, there is chaos.

At least that's how it looks to Brett. Instead of air, the circular space ringed by all the cables is occupied by a swirlilng gas-like substance that reminds Brett of storm clouds. The substance churns and shifts within itself, occasionally streaked by arcs of electricity which make its resemblance to clouds even stronger.

"What's that?" Brett asks.

"It's a Portal through time. When I key it to your DNA and activate it, the Portal will show you an event in your past and you will be able to interact with it for one second. It's very unstable. Matter cannot pass through the Portal, but energy can, and the quickest way to transfer information to your past self is to speak. The vibrations in the air's molecules here will transfer to the other end, and your past self will hear whatever words you can cram into one second. Think about your message carefully, because I can only do this test once until I get more funding."

"One second?"

"That's right. You get to choose the day you will see through the Portal, too, so think about what you want to say and when you want to say it. I'll connect you in the meantime. Tell me when you're ready."

It seems like fantasy to Brett, but the Portal looks very convincing.

If he could say anything to his past self, to change the course of his life, what would it be?

He thinks again of Samuel, of the day when he decided to confess his feelings to him.

That was the day he came out of the closet. The day that set his life on this path.

"I'm ready," he tells Patrick as the scientist connects an apparatus to his head and takes a blood sample.

"Calibrating Portal," Patrick announces. "Get ready. You have one second only."

One second is more than enough for Brett. He already has his message.

Don't do it.

He will tell his past self not to do it. Don't reveal yourself. Hide. Maybe he would still be friends with Samuel now. Maybe he would have stayed in town after all instead of going off to college.

He can change his entire life.

"We're online!" Patrick shouts over the sudden roar of machinery.

Lights dim. The roiling mass at the center of the Portal flashes and becomes transparent. For an instant Brett can see the other side of the laboratory.

Then he ses his bedroom. He sits there, fifteen years old, phone in hand.

"Now!" Patrick orders.

Don't do it.

But then…

Brett opens his mouth to speak and the last fifteen years of his life flash before his mind. The disappointments, yes. Rejection. But also growth. He has become the person he is now by being honest, hard as it has been.

He is lonely, but it would be even worse to be living a lie.

Brett thinks of the laboratory test results. They came back negative, vindicating the careful way he has lived his life.

He has a future ahead that he achieved with bravery, weathering the storm instead of hiding.

He can't take that away from himself.

Teenage Brett looks up, sees the Portal, and opens his eyes wide.

"Be proud," adult Brett says.

The Portal collapses.

The lights go out in the laboratory. After a pause they come back on, and Patrick is leaning over Brett, looking worried.

"You okay, Brett?"

Be proud. Suddenly the memory is inside Brett, not only of the time he spoke to his younger self but also of that time when he was fifteen and a big man he now recognizes as his adult self spoke out of thin air. The memories merge and Brett blinks quickly, trying to fight away tears.

Those words became his motto. They carried him through the bad moments, and the good. They were his answer to life's many trials and they kept him strong.

"I feel good," Brett answers slowly. "Very good."

Patrick's face changes into a handsome smile. "Didn't change anything in your timeline, huh? That was brave of you."

Brett echoes the smile. "You have no idea."

Suddenly an idea comes to Brett. He feels empowered, in control.

Be proud.

"Hey, Patrick?" he asks.

"Yeah?"

"Would you like to go on a date with me?"