Making Sense of Secret Gifts - 1. Story

Four weeks before Valentine’s Day

There was a flowerpot on my desk. Why on earth were there flowers on my desk?!

And not just any flower but a tiny rosebush with deep red buds bursting into bloom. In the middle of January. On my desk, which I kept tidy and strictly clear of knickknacks or personal stuff. No pictures, no plants, no decorations of any kind. Even my personal coffee cup was a bland, anonymous, black mug.

So why was there a rosebush in a white pot, with goddam golden hearts stamped all over it, sitting on the corner of my desk?

***

“Maybe you have a secret admirer?”

I might have attempted to strangle Ms. Harding, or Elizabeth as she frequently reminded me, if not for the fact she was my boss. And a damn scary, formidable woman. Oh, and I didn’t want to admit how her suggestion made me feel.

I had ignored the mystery of the potted plant the whole morning, even when Vivienne, the secretary of Mr. Kettering, another partner in Sec-Loc, came in and commented on the unusual addition to my workspace.

“Oh Colin, what a beautiful tea rose. Where did you get it? Mmmm, smells divine too.” Bending over to sniff it, she gave me an unimpeded view down her cleavage, should I have wanted it. I didn’t. Nor did I want any pretty ‘tea’ roses either.

“You can take the whole thing if you like it.”

“No, no, it brightens your desk wonderfully, and I’m sure it was expensive.”

I shrugged and motioned at the folder in her hand, causing Vivienne to re-focus on her errand. At least she wasn’t behind the gift, what a relief; but not too surprising, since I think she had a boyfriend. But her question also indicated the plant wasn’t a company let’s-brighten-up-the-workplace deal, which I’d almost managed to convince myself.

Thus, when Ms. Harding returned from her meeting and subsequent lunch, I was prepared for her reaction as she stopped by my desk.

“Why Colin, what a pleasant surprise! You’ve brought a plant to work. Very nice.”

“Nothing to do with me, Ms. Harding. It was sitting on my desk when I arrived this morning.”

For once she didn’t say “Please Colin, it’s Elizabeth.” I guess it showed how intrigued she was.

“A gift then? And quite romantic too, I’d say.”

“I agree, which makes it even stranger. Who would do that?”

And that’s when my boss said those frightening words. “Maybe you have a secret admirer?”

Since strangling was out of the question – if nothing else because I needed this job – I restrained myself to a single glare.

“I hope not, since it would either be from the wrong quarter, or my wish for privacy would have been disrespected. And I know the latter isn’t the case.”

The last sentence probably prevented Ms. Harding from contemplating the same neck-wringing I had just had in mind. I wasn’t out at work except to my boss. When the secretarial agency sent me over to be interviewed for the job, Ms. Harding had initially been cautious. She explained her reservation frankly, but only after dismissing the company HR representative.

“I’ve only had one male PA before, and it didn’t work out. He flirted with me and got resentful when I shut him down. I know from other women in my position that most men find it difficult to accept a woman as boss.”

On the spur of the moment I decided to be honest too.

“I haven’t had a female boss before, but I’m fairly certain it won’t make any difference. However, I can assure you there will be no flirting. I’m gay. I’d like to ask you to keep this information confidential, because my main reason for moving to Seattle stems from problems relating to a failed workplace romance. I have no intentions of repeating my mistake.”

To her credit Elizabeth didn’t ask any questions, then or later. I got the job, and, after the obligatory three months’ trial period, I landed a permanent position as Ms. Harding’s personal assistant. Neither of us regretted it, I was competent, discreet, loyal, and worked hard. She appreciated my efforts, gave me a raise, and respected my decision to keep my orientation on a need-to-know basis.

So far, there had been no reason for any further disclosure. I didn’t have a boyfriend or partner to bring to company functions. I didn’t socialize with colleagues outside work, and I certainly had no wish to flirt, with anyone.

The last thing I needed was a secret admirer.

Even though I was lonely. My right hand was boring to date. I was running out of convenient excuses for family and friends back home. Valentine’s Day was four weeks away, promising to be as loveless and sad as last year. But it was better than the pain of a broken heart and the embarrassment of having to quit and run, because the love of your life decided you weren’t worth the hassle of being honest.

I think Elizabeth could read in my face the futility of continuing the conversation. She asked me to bring her up-to-date, and I grabbed the file from Mr. Kettering and the tablet with her schedule. In her office, we once more reverted to the comfortable working relationship which had kept me alive and sane for almost two years.

 

My cat and my home

To be honest, there were a few other good things in my life, apart from my job. One was my tiny apartment in downtown Seattle. Of course having the Alaskan Way Viaduct partly blocking the view of the water was annoying, but I wouldn’t have been able to afford the place otherwise. The noise never bothered me. I didn’t have guests, apart from Danielle on Monday nights, and switching off my hearing aids reduced the sound of traffic to a soothing murmur.

Opening the door and wrestling my shopping bags inside, I smiled at the welcome sight of my handsome Siamese cat posing regally on the living room chair facing the door. No matter what time of day I came home, Solomon never failed to greet me, and when I left he perched there too, accepting my farewell caresses with equanimity. I’d once set up a couple of surveillance cameras in the apartment, to see how he spent the time, while I was at work. I felt bad about him being alone for so many hours, imagining him sitting on the chair and languishing for my company.

Borrowing two cameras and getting instructions on how to operate them, was one of the few non-work related interactions I’d had with a co-worker. As Ms. Harding’s PA I came in touch with various employees, but rarely with clients. Mr. Kettering and one of the other partners were the outward faces of the successful security company, while the senior partner, Mr. Marks, and Elizabeth were the strong driving forces behind the scene. This suited me fine, particularly since most of the internal communication happened via email and Sec-Loc’s secure IM system.

Back to Solomon. The surveillance cameras had shown the same routine every day for a week. He sat on the chair for five to ten minutes. I’d come back up one of the days, to pick up something I’d forgotten, which usually happened three or four times a month. Every time, Sol would be staring right at me, as I opened the door. Ten minutes after I’d left for the day, he jumped down, had a good stretch and wandered into the kitchen to eat a bit of dry cat food. A drink of water was followed by a grooming session and a long nap. The rest of his day consisted of inspecting the apartment, napping, eating, staring out the window, napping, grooming, chasing the occasional dust bunny, and a final sleep before five o’clock approached.

I usually came home at five-thirty, but never later than six. After five o’clock, Solomon would lie on the floor in front of the chair or on the seat. One minute before I entered the door, he jumped up and perched on the seat, and I finally worked out he must hear my footsteps as I walked from the elevator to the door before getting my keys out. I rarely went out at night, but even if I did, I always came home first. My job was only 15 minutes’ walk away, and I went home to change before the obligatory social gatherings before Christmas and the 4^th of July. Most of my evenings were spent talking with Sol, petting him and playing with him, until we both ran out of energy.

Looking at the way he spent his time alone had me laugh and conclude he was a happy and somewhat spoiled pussy. But he deserved it. Solomon always seemed to know when I was feeling sad or sorry for myself. He would jump up into my lap, curl up and purr. Or lie in my arms and gently pat my chin or my cheek with a soft paw. Sol could always make me laugh when he reverted to kitten tricks, even though he pretended he hadn’t done it afterwards. Too undignified for a mature cat of nine years, I suppose.

While I unpacked the groceries and fed Solomon a bit of liver to celebrate the end of a long week, I thought about my weekend plans. Not that they were any different than almost every weekend since I’d moved to Seattle. I considered calling Danielle and arrange a brunch date for Sunday, but I knew she’d start worrying if I did.

So what if I had a secret admirer? No need to discuss this with Danielle. None at all. If I ignored the gifts, the person would soon give up. Then I could stop thinking about it. Get back to normal where no one paid me any attention.

Although, I had to admit the chocolate left on my desk by Tuesday morning tasted wonderful. It had arrived in a small, beautifully decorated box, only four pieces, but each of them had been an explosion of delight on my tongue. I’d managed to limit myself to eating one per day, so they lasted all week. I tried to tell myself I wasn’t disappointed when there was no new gift on Wednesday or Thursday. I had the box in my drawer and the rose on my desk; more than enough.

This morning, I’d gone to the office early, since I had to prepare an assortment of papers for Elizabeth. She routinely reviewed the performance of employees, and there would be a steady stream of people entering and leaving her office in various states of anxiety, elation, resignation, upset or determination – according to how their meeting went. People who were slackers or careless were told to shape up or ship out. Those who tried hard, or had difficulties not of their own making, got firm but friendly advice on how to improve. She always called in people who had done unexpectedly well, worked extra hours to solve a problem, or showed initiative, and made a point of letting them know their efforts had been noticed and appreciated.

These days of ‘interviews’ happened at least twice a month and were rather stressful for me. I did my best to be kind and encouraging, or add a few words of congratulation to the lucky ones. Ms. Harding had me schedule the appointments far enough apart that there were never more than two people waiting outside her office, and in total she rarely saw more than twelve or fifteen employees a day. Perhaps it was exhausting for her as well? Probably more so than for me. I really should stop being such a wuss.

But today had been easier, and I smiled and bent down to pet Sol, remembering why. The jolt of surprise on arrival as I saw another box on my desk, my delight as I unwrapped a five-inch carved figurine of a Siamese cat, the lurch of my heart at the uncanny similarity to Solomon. But I guess his markings are very traditional, and it was just a coincidence. The wood was sanded to a soft finish, smooth and pleasant for my hand whenever I touched it. Which I did frequently during the day, feeling how running my fingers over the surface calmed me, helping me bear the nervous pacing, the sullen or dejected faces, and the constant need for small talk and interaction with people.

I even managed to reply politely to random comments about my rose and my cat. After all, they were certainly ‘pretty’ and ‘lovely,’ and all the other compliments they received. I sighed as I recalled one typical conversation.

“What a cool carving. Is this your cat?”

“It’s very similar to Solomon.”

“The artist must be really talented. It’s awesome.”

“Yes, every detail is perfect.”

“It’s a lot cooler having this than a photo of your cat.”

“Not to mention I’d never have a photo of my cat on my desk. That would be a bit weird.”

Nervous giggles erupted from the girl from accounting. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. I…ehm…I have a funny poster of kittens next to my desk.”

“Oh, funny kittens, that’s different. I mean, everyone looks at those cat pictures and cucumber videos on the Internet, right?”

Relieved giggles from…uhm…what's-her-name…oh yeah, Samantha, “Yes, yes exactly. Although, not everyone will admit it.”

“Just us cool cat people, eh?” Joint chuckling followed, and then Elizabeth came out to collect her guest. I’m sure I didn’t imagine the approving glance from my boss as she ushered a more relaxed employee into her office. I hoped this was one of the better conversations, but I don’t know since I was on the phone when Samantha left, her face thoughtful rather than happy or sad.

Most people at Sec-Loc knew of Sol, mainly because I used him as an excuse not to join my colleagues for ‘a beer after work’ or ‘a bunch of us are going to the movies.’ At first, some people tried to insist, with good intentions I’m sure. I didn’t want to tell them why I had no appetite for going out, but luckily I had another excuse. One which usually left them feeling uncomfortable enough never to push again.

“It’s too difficult and tiring for me to follow conversations in a crowded place.” A turn of my head and a meaningful tap of the discreet hearing aid behind my ear. “I prefer watching movies at home so I can get the help of subtitles and not miss important details.”

It’s interesting how the careful flaunting of a disability like mine can make people back off, shameful of appearing to be insensitive. I have the occasional twinge of shame for exploiting my situation, when in fact I’ve rarely felt limited by my partial loss of hearing at the age of nineteen. Considering I could easily have become brain damaged or died from meningitis, my family and I were grateful I escaped with being half-deaf on my right ear and 80% deaf on the left.

 

My usual weekend activities

Saturday morning I slept as long as possible and had a leisurely brunch before packing my backpack and getting out Solomon’s bag. He waited patiently while I strapped on his harness and leash, and stepped in gracefully to lay down with his head sticking out one end. I closed the zipper from the other end, leaving him plenty of room to shift without any risk of falling out. In summer, I often carried him in my arms with his leash wrapped firmly around my hand, but it was too cold for that in winter, even with the normally mild climate of Seattle.

We set out on the half-hour walk to the shelter, and as soon as we arrived, I was surrounded by seven or eight teens who all knew Solomon and wanted to pet him. A couple of them also greeted me.

“Hello, Colin.”

“Hello Pete; Alex. How are you?”

“OK, I guess,” Pete mumbled. “Can you help me with my school work today?”

“Of course. Let me find out what plans Richard has for me, and I’ll get back to you.”

“He said I was to help you sort out a lot of clothes which arrived yesterday,” Alex volunteered.

“Sounds good. Let’s hope there’s some nice stuff suitable for winter. It’s colder than usual, I think.” It was only my second winter in the Pacific Northwest, but the grumblings from co-workers and neighbors about ‘awful, freezing cold’ clued me in.

Once the boys had finished giving Sol all the attention he could stand, we made our way to Richard’s office. The door was open so I stuck my head in without knocking.

“Hi Richard. Any tasks for me apart from clothes-sorting with Alex?”

I felt comfortable with the bearded man, who could have been my father or much older brother. We looked so much alike, apart from the facial hair, that people sometimes assume we’re related. Richard’s dark brown hair had grey flecks at his temples, making him look distinguished in my eyes. At 6’-4’’ he was three inches taller than me, but we had the same build with wide shoulders, muscular legs, and some padding around the middle. I ought to start working out again, but why bother? No one wanted me and I didn’t want anyone. No more broken hearts, thank you very much.

Kind brown eyes found mine, and a fond grin appeared. “Hey Colin, good to see you. Nope, clothes-sorting and helping the kids with school work is it for today, unless you want to give George and Alistair a hand in the kitchen after dinner.”

I grimaced, and Richard laughed at his own joke. We both knew Sol and I hated the hot, noisy kitchen, whereas sitting quietly in one of the study rooms, helping a kid or two with getting caught up on their lessons, was one of my preferred tasks. Another was ‘doing the rounds’ at night.

I’d been donating my weekends for almost two years now, except for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. Those I spent with my parents and the rest of my family, enjoying the unconditional love and caring, even if it did get somewhat overwhelming and painfully cloying at times. Luckily, I was the youngest and my three siblings had provided a horde of grandchildren for Mom and everyone else to focus on. I was proud to be a favorite uncle who would spend hours reading stories, playing games, assembling Lego, admiring drawings and toys, or whatever else my nephews and nieces demanded.

Their love was uncomplicated and safe. It was worth the internal wince I felt every time my mom lamented: “Colin would be such a great dad. If only…”

Invariably my sister would soothe her with carefully phrased sentences about the possibilities of surrogate, adoption or fostering. With another twist of the knife, she had unintentionally plunged into my broken heart, Mom would inevitably reply: “Yes, but Colin’s almost thirty and he’s still single.”

***

After I had helped Pete with his homework, Alex, Pete and I spent most of the afternoon sorting through the sacks of donated clothes. We made three piles – instantly useable, usable with repair, and a rag pile – on the long tables in the main room, where lunch and dinner were served for kids who needed it. Safe House, the shelter run by Richard and his wife, catered for homeless kids as well as those with a troubled home life. There had been some criticism about this mix initially, but Richard had cut through the BS at a meeting with donators and local authorities. I’d heard him give the same speech to anyone from journalists and policemen to concerned social workers and politicians.

“I have two unbreakable rules in Safe House. No drugs and no violence. No tolerance and no exceptions. If you use or deal in either, you get banned and, if necessary, handed over to the police. Kids who come here should be safe from drugs and abuse. But troubled teens shouldn’t be sheltered from the hard facts of life. Hearing about living on the streets from kids their own age will probably do more to keep teens on the brink away from those dangers than anything we tell them. We’re here, the social services are here, to provide help and the possibility of a different solution than running away and having to beg, steal or hustle to survive. For all of those kids, homeless or not.”

By the time I joined the volunteer crew of Safe House, Richard and Amy had proven their concept of shelter worked in spite of the occasional setbacks and unfortunate incidents. It was actually the homeless teens who did most to enforce the No D&V rules, maybe because they had more to lose if Safe House ceased to exist. This was a place where they could have a meal, take a shower (in separate, lockable stalls), see a nurse or a doctor, talk to a social worker and even sleep in relative peace. There was a large dormitory for boys, and a smaller room for the far-fewer girls who managed to visit Safe House. Richard once said the runaway girls were usually snapped up by pimps.

To ensure the kids’ safety and deal with any nightly issues, mostly nightmares, illness or plain anguish, Amy had introduced the concept of Guardian Angels. We patrolled the premises at night, always two of us, but walking separately in random patterns. We’d meet up at pre-determined places every hour, but often came across each other in-between, exchanging a nod and a smile, but no words in order not to disturb the silence. I always did Saturday night from ten to six, and the occasional half-night. After helping out during dinner, I took a two-hour nap on the couch in Richard’s office. This ensured I was able to stay awake all night. I loved the mostly quiet, untroubled nights and knowing the kids were able to let their guard down and sleep, because they knew we’d watch over them. Sol would spend his evenings and nights with whichever kids needed him the most. How he worked that out, I never knew.

I normally shared Angel duty with two college girls, one taking the ten-to-two stint and the other the two-to-six time. They were paid for their time, but not very much, but I think they were able to get some credits in one of their courses. I’d briefly met the lecturer who arranged for his students to be there for three or six months at a time. Initially, he had looked at me askance, particularly as the pair of giggly girls currently on duty had been quite obviously delighted to be told I would replace the old-age pensioner who’d fallen ill.

My solution was the same I’d successfully employed with Ms. Harding, reassuring him in confidence that I was gay. I was already out to Richard and Amy, of course. Their reaction had been just what I expected after seeing the way they protected and helped gay teens who sadly were a disproportionate number of the Safe House residents. Discrimination and bigotry based on color, creed or orientation apparently fell under the heading ‘Violence’ in their eyes.

“Thank you for telling us, Colin. You didn’t have to, of course, but I’m glad you trusted us. I’m sure you realize gay teens have a higher risk of family and school problems, even in this part of the country. I’m pleased to have another House Crew member who can relate to their issues.” Richard always had Safe House and its users as top priority. Everything was dealt with according to how it would benefit or affect the shelter.

Amy simply hugged me. “All that matters to me is that you’re a kind man who can be trusted to deal patiently with the kids. And this I have already seen for myself.”

We both laughed at her reference to my trial run at House duties where I’d spent a whole afternoon supervising the computer / game room. I’d caught several kids trying to access unacceptable games and web pages – the blockers installed on the five computers were not fool-proof – and had to explain and enforce that computer and game privileges didn’t include graphic violence and porn.

As time went by and Solomon and I became a fixture at Safe House, I gained the trust of several teens, gay and straight, enough to hear a terrible amount of heart-breaking stories. It made me appreciate my own family, in spite of all their faults, but more importantly it prevented me from wallowing in my own misfortune. A wrecked relationship and lost love paled in significance in the face of the hardship suffered by these kids. Safe House was another pillar of strength in my otherwise lonely life.

***

After a thankfully uneventful and quiet night, I went home with Solomon and got caught up on my sleep until noon. By one pm I was back at the shelter, helping out as needed. There was a new boy, a sullen or sad kid who looked to be no more than fourteen. Eve, the housekeeper in charge for the weekend, told me he had turned up this morning sporting a black eye, but refusing to talk about it. I noticed him staring at Solomon, and when the other kids had had their fill of my cat, I simply sat down in a chair near the new boy, with Sol on my lap. I removed the harness and put it on the table next to the detached leash.

I didn’t say anything. The kid didn’t say anything. Sol purred contentedly. I had deliberately seated myself with my side to the boy, so I wasn’t looking at him, but giving him a free view of Sol. After a bit, my clever cat stretched, jumped down and went over to make the acquaintance of the new resident. Their conversation went like:

“Hello, kitty.” Purring.

“What’s your name, then?” Small pause probably spent looking at the collar. “Sol, huh?” A soft ‘Meow’ and a purr.

“Hi, Sol. I’m Nick. Nice to meet you.” More purring.

“You’re a Siamese, right? I like the mask.” Loud purring.

“Didn’t think Siamese cats were friendly with strangers. Woah!” I turned my head slightly to see Sol now enthroned on Nick’s lap, butting his head against the boy’s face, which no longer looked sullen. I let my sneaky cat work his magic without interfering. I think there may have been a few tears shed as Nick hid his face in Sol’s soft fur. My cat disliked when teardrops fell on him, but he found his own way to deal with them. Having a rough cat tongue licking tears off your face made you stop crying in a hurry, lest you didn’t have any skin left from the experience.

When I heard a small giggle and more purring, I finally turned sideways and smiled at them. Nick ignored me, and kept petting Solomon. Just then, Pete sauntered into the room; that boy had impeccable timing. He’s sixteen and basically a good kid, in spite of playing truant from school and having sticky fingers. Been caught shoplifting a few times, but has so far managed to stay away from more serious crime.

He went over to Nick and Sol and sprawled in the chair between them and me.

“Sunk your claws into another victim, eh Sol? That cat is a sucker for attention.”

Nick was initially wary, but when Solomon clearly liked Pete, he relaxed and returned the older boy’s smile tentatively.

“Is he really called Sol?”

“It’s short for Solomon.” Pete liked to show off his knowledge.

“Solomon. Like the Wise King, right?”

“That’s right. He’s wise for a cat.”

Nick suddenly looked over at me. “But you didn’t know that when he was a kitten. When you gave him the name, right?” He was a smart kid himself.

“No, that’s true. I just made a lucky guess with his name, I suppose.”

“I always wanted a cat.”

“More than a dog?” Pete asked.

“I guess a puppy would be fun too. But a dog is more work than a cat, right?”

“Yeah, they often take more space, and you need to take them for walks and train them.” It sounded like Pete had personal experience with that, something I hadn’t known about him.

A small giggle. “But with a cat you hardly need to do any training.”

“No, it’s more like they train you.”

The giggles became laughs and I joined in. The transformation from sad and sullen to momentarily happy and bright was amazing. This was how Nick should look most of the time, but something or someone took it away from him. Just like me. Except he was a kid and betraying his trust and love was even more heinous.

The boys kept talking and Pete told Nick a funny story about Sol, and got me to tell another. Soon they were laughing over Sol’s attempts to catch a small feather on a string, which Pete pulled out of his pocket and dangled in front of my cat. Next thing I knew, the boys took off to explore the house, with Pete as a guide.

“It’s a great place, Nick. You’ll see. And most of the people here are cool. Even the adults.” He grinned at me to show he was teasing.

“You’re a brat, Pete. But Solomon likes you, so…”

“Will you be in the game room later?”

“Yes, from three to five as usual. But only if you’ve finished your homework.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry. It’s all done.” He turned back to Nick and linked their arms so he could drag him off. “There’s a computer room, where you can get online and play games, but only if you’ve done your chores.”

“Chores?”

“Mmm-hmm, like school work or cleaning and helping around the House. We all have to…”

Their voices faded as the boys got out of range, but I kept smiling over Pete doing his best to explain the basic principles of Safe House.

“I can see Solomon and Pete have worked another miracle.”

Eve sat down next to me and handed me a mug of coffee.

“Mmm, thanks Eve, just what I needed.”

“I know. You always come looking for coffee this time of the afternoon on Sunday.”

“Well, I do have game room duty in half an hour.”

She shuddered visibly. “Better you than me, darling. Give me pots and pans and hungry kids any day. But computers, yuk.”

“I happen to know you’re addicted to your iPad.”

“That’s different. I listen to music and check the news and stuff. I don’t sit for hours typing away at spread sheets or shooting dangerous aliens.”

“No Solitaire, Candy Crush or Sudoku?”

“Shut up, Colin. Drink your coffee.”

“With pleasure. You make the best coffee in the house, Eve.”

“Yes, yes, forget the flattery. I need to get back to work. I’ll tell the office to expect Nick to turn up soon.”

“You think so?”

“After you and Sol getting him to open up, and with Pete showing him round? Sure thing. That boy has good instincts, scamp though he may be, and luckily Richard came in five minutes ago. Pete will end the tour there and Richard will give his usual talk about the rules of Safe House. I bet Nick will be pouring out all his troubles to Pete in short order. Trusting us will take a few more days.”

“I bet you’re right.”

“I always am.”

Like me, Eve had a regular job during the week, although she only worked half-time. She would arrive in time to set up lunch on Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday, and leave shortly after dinner had been served. Clearing up after dinner was supervised by George and a couple of volunteers, who were often former users of the House, now ‘paying back’ the help they got. One of them, Alistair, had told me he would probably be dead if not for Richard and Amy. They got him off the streets and found him a job in the local supermarket. By working hard and taking evening classes he had earned the position of assistant manager, and he hoped to become manager when the current one retired in two or three years’ time. Pretty impressive for a twenty-six-year-old guy with few prospects ten years ago, and I know Richard was proud of Alistair. Apart from giving his time to the shelter, the tall, lanky redhead made sure the supermarket donated food stuff which was almost out-of-date or had to be discarded for other reasons, like slightly damaged containers.

I never asked questions about why kids were at the House. It was a general rule for the volunteer Crew. Of course, that didn’t mean we couldn’t listen to their stories and ask helpful questions once they took the first step. But we never began with “Why are you here? What happened? Why don’t you go home?”

Richard reminded us all the time: “Be there for the kids, give them a space where they can relax and not worry about being judged, questioned and evaluated. Leave that to the professionals, and just be adults it’s safe to be around and to trust.”

Trust didn’t come easy, though. Alistair once told me why. “Lost boys, we aren't into trusting adults too quickly; they’re the reason we're out there.”

I guess he had a good point. It made me even prouder when a kid decided to talk to me.

 

Three weeks before Valentine’s Day

Sunday night was always an early night for me. I ate dinner at the shelter, because it was helpful to have adults sitting at the tables keeping an eye on things. We let the kids be as noisy and playful as they wanted – I simply switched off my hearing aids – but there was no tolerance of bullying, destroying food or utensils, disturbing those who wanted to eat in peace, or other disrespectful acts. Going hungry taught kids better than anything, and we rarely had to ban anyone from dinner. Eve started every meal with the same short ‘prayer.’

“Right, listen up. This food comes to you from the efforts of people who care. You can respect and thank them by eating and letting everyone enjoy the meal safely. Remember, if you can’t follow the rules you’ll have to leave. Now tuck in!” So they did.

Lying in bed, I enjoyed thinking back on another great weekend. I contemplated calling Danielle, but decided to wait till tomorrow. We always spent Monday night together. Her husband, Keith, would drop her off on his way to whatever he did on Mondays, and pick her up around eleven, giving us five or six hours of catching up.

Danielle was the friend who’d persuaded me to come to Seattle after my life blew up back home. She worked at the secretarial agency which had landed me the job with Ms. Harding, and she still crowed over being able to find the right candidate. Apparently, my boss had been driving the agency crazy by dismissing candidates or subsequently firing, wearing down, or scaring off PAs at regular intervals for years.

***

“How’s work? The Dragon hasn’t flamed you yet?”

“Jeez, Dani, give it a rest. Ms. Harding isn’t that bad.”

“Tell that to my boss. She was ready to ask the Dragon to take a hike, when I managed to persuade her to give you a chance. Being right got me a fat bonus. In fact, I have another one coming up, if you break the record.”

“What do you mean?”

“The longest anyone ever lasted in the Dragon’s lair was 18 months. When you got a permanent position, my boss told me that if you lasted two years, she’d give me another bonus.”

“What?! You’ve never told me this before. Is that why you’ve always been so interested in how I was doing at work?”

“No, you idiot.” She leaned over to punch my arm. “It’s because I care about you and I’m happy you like your job and are doing well.”

“Oh. Well, I’m definitely doing great, jobwise. I don’t intend to leave, and Ms. Harding is still satisfied with my work.”

“So why do I have this feeling there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“Uhmm.” Fuck, I felt a blush start. I usually told Dani everything, well, not confidential work or shelter stuff of course, but otherwise. But since quite a few of my recent interactions at work had revolved around the gifts left by my ‘secret admirer’ – Elizabeth insisted on the stupid name – I had definitely kept things back from my best friend.

“Yes?” Raised eyebrows told me I better spill, or else…

“Somebody has been leaving gifts on my desk.”

“Gifts? What sort of gifts?”

“Nice ones. Ehm, sort of romantic gifts?”

“Romantic?! I thought you weren’t out at work?” Now the eyebrows were surprised.

“I’m not. That’s the problem. Someone is barking up the wrong tree.”

“There’s such a thing as gaydar, you know. Perhaps you have a nice guy barking up your tree.” Eyebrows wriggling suggestively.

“Har, har, very funny. I have gaydar too, and no one at work has pinged on it.”

“Maybe because you switch it off at work. For good reasons.”

She did have a point. I hadn’t even considered checking out my co-workers or using the company fitness room. Maybe I should revise…NO. Don’t go there, Colin, remember what happened last time.

“Anyway, tell me about the gifts.”

“It started last Monday: I got a small rosebush in a pot. Tuesday it was delicious chocolate in a nice box. Friday, I got a carving of Solomon.”

“A carving?”

“Yes, a wooden figurine this tall. Beautifully executed and silky soft to touch. Quite a few people have commented on it, actually.”

I told Dani about some of the conversations, including Elizabeth’s name of ‘secret admirer’ for whoever was giving me gifts. Dani agreed, of course, and began to come up with silly ideas about how to find out who it was.

“Why don’t you install a security camera? Ask the guy who helped you before.”

“Yeah, as if I wanted to tell some random guy I have a stalker who I want to catch in the act. Plus it’s not legal to set up surveillance without notification, which would sort of defeat the objective.”

“What are you going to do then?”

“Simply wait for the woman to reveal herself and try to let her down as gently as possible.”

“But what if it’s a guy?”

“Dani, I told you—”

“Yes, yes, you’re not out, bla, bla, bla. Just humor me, Colin. What if your secret admirer is a guy? Will you say yes and go on a date with him?”

I stared at my best friend, unable to say a word. For the first time in almost two years I allowed myself to entertain the idea of dating, perhaps even falling in love. It was scary as hell, but my lonely life was no bed of roses either. In any case, whoever my secret admirer was, they failed to meet my most important requirement: NO work romances ever again. The painful memories spurred me into replying.

“Dani, there is no way I could date a co-worker. You know that. Absolutely no effing way.”

“Come on, Colin, not everyone is a jerk like Don—”

I shouted to interrupt her. “Don’t say that name, I don’t want to hear it or think of the bastard!”

“OK, OK, I’m sorry, darling. Anyway, you’ve been to work today, so did you get a gift?”

“Yes, I did, and this is where the whole thing is getting a bit too stalkerish for me.”

“Go on.” Dani actually looked at bit concerned now.

“Well, you know how I’ve been saying I ought to start working out again.”

“You mean, after I commented on your pants getting a little tight in the wrong way?”

“I’d noticed that myself, thank you very much.”

“Hey, I don’t like seeing trim bodies going to seed. I’m after Keith too, in fact I’m much harder on him. But then I get to see his body a lot more intimately than yours. Not to mention touching and kissing and licking.” Another suggestive eyebrow wiggle.

“Eew, Dani, I so did not need that picture in my head.”

“Jeez, Colin, don’t be like an old maid. Tell me about the stalker, or should I say secret admirer?”

“OK, OK, you were the one to get us side-tracked. Sec-Loc encourages us to stay fit and healthy, and has a gym on the premises. They even provide T-shirts and sweat bands and other stuff with the company logo. Today there was a box on my desk with everything from water bottle to towel.”

Dani simply stared at me; she could tell I wasn’t done.

“Uhm, yeah, and one other item not provided by Sec-Loc.”

Raised, expectant eyebrows.

“A jock strap.” A fierce blush heated my face as I recalled the black jock with the generous pouch. Either someone was being overly optimistic or they were expecting me to ‘grow’ into filling the space. Plus even I had to admit this gift put my stalker firmly on my side of the fence. No woman would buy me a jock strap, surely. Hopefully. Only a guy hoping to see me strip in the locker room and… Shit, what was I thinking?

Meanwhile, Dani had worked out the implications. “Your stalker wants you to use the gym so he can perv on you wearing only a jock strap? Is that what you’re thinking?”

“Creepy, isn’t it?”

“Or he simply wants to encourage you to reclaim your sexy and fit self. Plus don’t forget you’ll be able to see who checks you out. Perhaps he’ll approach you in the gym?”

“To be honest, I only vaguely recalled being shown the facilities when I began at Sec-Loc. I went down to check them out today. The men’s room has separate cubicles for changing and showering. So even if he wanted to, he couldn’t see me naked or in the jock.”

“Unless you got to know each other. Dated, I mean.”

“Not happening. I’m not ready, and besides we work toge—”

“Will you cut it out with this crap?! How many people work at Sec-Loc? More than two thousand, right? Twenty times the number of your old job.”

I nodded.

“How many do you interact with on a regular basis? Talk to every day, have lunch with, and so on? About fifteen people, right? And those employees getting their ass chewed out by the Dragon don’t count.”

I nodded again.

“We can rule out your close colleagues, right? I mean if they wanted to get your attention and ask you out, they have plenty of opportunity to do so.”

“Plus the men are married, too much older or unattractive. Or all three at once. Yuk.”

We both giggled helplessly, which eased my tenseness.

“OK, if you did date this person and it didn’t work out, you wouldn’t see him on a daily basis. Not like…never mind. And he seems inventive, romantic and sensitive.”

“Huh? How do you come to that conclusion?”

“Look at the gifts. They all appeal to senses other than hearing. The rosebush hit smell, the chocolate taste, and the figurine touch. The work-out clothes your whole body. But no music, hmm?”

“Not yet.”

Dani rolled her eyes at me. “What about the cleaners?”

“What about them?”

“The best opportunity to leave gifts on your desk and not be detected would be the person who cleans the premises. The Dragon’s office and your space, or anything nearby. Are the cleaners employed by the company or outside people?”

“Oh, they’re in-house. They have to go through security vetting, same as everyone else.”

“HR would probably know who was assigned to your floor.”

“But they might not tell me, and besides, it would be embarrassing to ask.”

“In that case, you’ll just have to be patient and wait for your secret admirer to reveal himself.”

“If he does. I haven’t actually done anything to acknowledge his gifts.”

“You kept the flower and the carving, and ate the chocolates?”

“Yes, and the small box is on my desk now, holding paper clips.”

“Aaww, cute. Well, just get your lazy butt down to the gym and get in shape. Valentine’s Day is only three weeks away.”

“Valentine’s Day! I’m not going on a date—”

“Oh yes you are, if a nice guy keeps wooing you and asks you out. Even if I have to drag you there and tie you down. It’s time you moved on, Colin. But maybe he’ll reveal himself earlier, especially if you give him a bit of encouragement.”

“What sort of encouragement?”

“Hmm, I dunno. A thank you note or maybe a picture of you in the jock strap? I’ll take it, if you want.” Pervily enthusiastic eyebrows.

“I’m sure Keith will be thrilled to know you spent your Monday night taking pictures of an almost naked guy.”

I put as much sarcasm into my voice as possible, and we both start laughing. It’s one of the things I appreciate most about Dani, she always makes me laugh and feel good about myself.

***

Next morning I got up half-an-hour early. Before my shower I took a critical look at myself in the mirror, something I’ve not done for more than a year. My legs and butt were pretty much OK, due to all the walking I did. My arms and chest no longer had the definition they used to, but it probably wouldn’t take much work to get a decent shape to my upper torso. The main problem was my stomach, which had added a layer of fat. I’d never had a prominent six-pack but my abs had been nice and trim, and I certainly disapproved of the budding ‘love handles’ over my hips. Particularly since I didn’t have a lover who could grab onto them as…never mind. I shook my head to dispel the images which had my cock perk up with interest.

“You can forget about that, at least until I’m back in shape.” Shit, I was truly desperate if I started talking to my cock. But I guess we both wanted to fuck something other than my hand.

I wasn’t quite ready to brave the fitness room at work, so I did some push-ups, sit-ups and other basic exercises before showering. Solomon sat on a chair next to me and stared, he hadn’t seen me do this before. Back home I went to the gym three times a week, so I didn’t exercise at home. I decided to do this every morning and see how it went. Maybe I could drop by Sec-Loc during the weekend and do a longer work-out, since there would probably be fewer people present. There was a crew on twenty-four/seven in order to deal with emergencies, and Ms. Harding had warned me I could get called in, if there was a major event demanding her presence. So far it hadn’t happened though, but it meant my identity card and code would work all days of the week.

When I walked in the door I was surprised to see Ms. Harding, Vivienne and another secretary standing around my desk chuckling and pointing. Worried, I hurried over and my mouth fell open. My normally empty desk, my chair, my monitor and even the top and sides of the filing cabinet were decorated with prints of funny cat pictures. The three women were pointing them out to each other and laughing. I recognized some of them as pictures I’d already chuckled over on the Internet, but this seemed like a most-hilarious-cat-pictures collection.

“Umm, Ms. Harding?”

“Oh, good morning, Colin. I’ll understand if you’re a bit slow to get started today. These pictures are distractingly funny.”

“I’ll get rid of them at once.”

“Please don’t throw them away, Colin,” Vivienne exclaimed. “I’m sure we can find places to hang them.”

“I’ll put them in a folder for you.”

I set my bag down and started to collect the ones pinned to my chair. The ladies left with one last laugh over the cat trying to navigate the blinds over a window. I couldn’t help grinning as I stacked the prints; someone had made a huge effort to cheer me up, tickle my sense of humor. Putting the bundle of papers in a folder I decided to keep them and slipped the thick stack into an empty sleeve in the filing cabinet. With small neat letters I wrote LOL Cats on the label, before closing the drawer and getting on with today’s work.

The next two days passed without incident, no new gifts arrived, but I was prepared for this from the week before. Arriving at the office on Friday morning my first act was to look at my desk and experience a small twinge of disappointment. Arrgh, I was so pathetic, actually expecting more gifts. Perhaps my secret admirer had tired of the game, because I hadn’t acknowledged his attempts?

As I pulled out my chair, I began laughing. Pinned to the seat was a sad-looking monkey toy clutching three large bananas. Then I sobered up as the significance of the gift hit me. I would occasionally eat a banana at work, but my main consumption of them happened during my Angel shift on Saturday night. Two or three was a normal amount.

Once again, at work only Ms. Harding knew of this significant part of my life, or so I thought. But perhaps this was a coincidence? I flushed as I considered another reason; bananas were quite…suggestive fruits.

I unpinned the toy and placed it in my bag. I would take this gift home with me, and perhaps to the shelter to see if anyone reacted to the sad monkey. Shaking my head I tried to dispel my unease and focus on my tasks; I would have plenty of time to speculate over the weekend.

 

Unusual weekend activities

Departing from my usual schedule I went to bed early Friday and got up at eight on Saturday morning to eat breakfast. I did a load of laundry and some cleaning, much to the disgust of Solomon. He seemed confused at this unusual activity, since I normally did most of the housework during the week. Around ten I left, with Sol meowing and winding around my ankles, very upset not to be included. Of course he couldn’t understand me telling him I’d be back to pick him up.

It was strange to let myself into work on a Saturday and head down to the fitness room rather than upstairs. I had decided to get changed and shower at home, so I just needed to shed my raincoat and outdoor shoes and put my tennis shoes on. Carrying my water flask and my towel I entered the gym feeling rather apprehensive. There were three people in the room, two dark-haired guys using the treadmills and a blond guy with his back to me using a piece of the weight equipment. I went over to one of the other machines and studied the settings. I wanted to work on my shoulders and back muscles today and tomorrow would be abs and arms.

A movement on my left side and a hand placed on my forearm made me look up in surprise. The guy waited until I reached up and switched on the hearing aid in my right ear and turned to face him. Suddenly, I could hear low music and the voices of the two other guys chatting.

“Umm, Colin, right? Hi. I haven’t seen you here before?”

I realized the blond guy was the surveillance camera person who had instructed me on how to set them up. What was his name? Oh right, Kenneth. I’d approached him because he was around my age and seemed relaxed and friendly, the one time he’d come up to Ms. Harding’s office. It was for a promotion, as far as I recalled. That happened two months after I started working at Sec-Loc, but I hadn’t met him since I returned the borrowed cameras over a year ago. I vaguely recalled seeing him in the cafeteria on the rare occasions I went up there for a meal.

“Hi Kenneth. No, I haven’t used the fitness room before.”

“Do you need some help? I spend a lot of time on this machine.”

I almost replied ‘Yes, I can see that’ because he was showing off nicely tanned muscular arms as well as broad shoulders in the close-fitting tank top. The dark-blond hair was swept back from a smooth brow over a pair of friendly aquamarine eyes and a slightly crooked nose. I’d noticed the kind smile when we first met, but it suddenly struck me his lips looked soft and kissable. Fuck, where did that thought come from?

“Yes, I suppose I could do with some instruction. I’m going to start out slow. I haven’t done this for a while.”

Idiot! Why did I have to point that out? Oh well, he could probably see my lack of fitness for himself. I retreated a couple of steps and averted my gaze from the toned and attractive body next to me. Way to go Colin, you want to ogle the first guy you come across down here.

Kenneth didn’t seem to notice my sudden shyness, but patiently explained how to use this piece of equipment and moved the settings to something I could handle. He then went back to his own work-out, but when I finished, he came over and helped me switch to the machine he had been using. This time he stayed next to me, doing some stretching and cooling-down exercises, and gave me advice on how to optimize my training. It was nice to have company, and he didn’t chat all the time, but only made a few suggestions and comments now and then. I even relaxed enough to admit to my goal of losing the extra padding and regain my earlier shape.

“It’s one of the problems about a desk job and long days at work, isn’t it?” he commiserated with me.

“Yes, and I can’t stay after work, because my cat is waiting for me at home.”

“And going back out in the evening takes such an effort, right?”

I nodded sheepishly and we both chuckled.

“Well, if you come here during the weekend and do some exercises at home, you should soon achieve your objective.”

“I’m glad you think so, Kenneth. Thank you for all your help.”

“You’re welcome, Colin. Will you be here the same time tomorrow?”

“No, it will probably be more like twelve-thirty, since I need to catch up on my sleep.”

From the look he gave me, he probably thought I planned to go clubbing half the night, but I didn’t elaborate.

“If you want some company, swing by the main security office. I usually have my lunch break then and often take a turn at the treadmill.”

I finished the last set of exercises and stepped away from the machine before answering.

“You’re on duty all weekend?”

“Saturday from 12 to 8 pm, and Sunday from 8 am to six.”

“Wow, that’s most of the weekend gone.”

“Yes, but the pay is good, and most of the time I can relax, since we’re mainly here on call if something goes wrong with essential surveillance equipment or the computer systems.”

We were walking toward the locker room as he spoke, and I thought about asking whether he was on duty every weekend, but decided not to. Nor was it any business of mine how he spent time relaxing while being on call. Why was I even interested in this? On the other hand, it would make for an easy topic of conversation if we met up again tomorrow, because I didn’t really want to discuss work on my days off.

“I better get home; time’s running and I have a busy schedule for the rest of the day. Thank you again, Kenneth. Maybe I’ll see you Sunday.”

“My pleasure, Colin. Nice to talk to you again and I hope to see you tomorrow.” He held out his hand and I shook it.

When I got back home, I took a quick shower, had something to eat and set off for the shelter together with Solomon. We were almost an hour later than usual, but since I didn’t have any set hours, except for my Angel duty and computer room stints, no one would probably mind. Wrong. The first five persons I met asked me if something had happened or why I was so late. I ended up explaining to more than twenty people, including Eve, Richard and Alistair, that I’d begun working out during weekend and would probably arrive an hour later on Sunday too.

“Good for you, Colin. I’m glad to see you take an interest in yourself. It’s about time you got a life outside of work and the House.” Richard’s reply had me gaping at him. How on earth did he jump from me doing a bit of exercise to that conclusion? I decided not to ask.

On Sunday I had another work-out session with Kenneth. We actually talked less than on Saturday, because he was running while I worked on my abs. But he made sure to help me with set-up and initial instructions and take breaks to come over and ask how I was doing. I was pleased and even a bit flattered by his friendly attention, but mostly by his reaction when I arrived. I made my way to the main security office and almost diffidently stuck my head inside. Kenneth was looking at the door and a smile lit up his whole face.

“Colin, welcome to the Castle of Boredom.”

A voice from inside said, “Shut up, Ken, we don’t want anything to jinx our peaceful Sunday.”

I stepped inside and saw the other speaker was an older guy who was watching a wall of computer screens, while his hands were busy folding paper. His eyes would flick over the screens down to his fingers, but finally he focused on his hands, did a few complicated movements, and suddenly a white origami swan sat on his palm. He did a another sweep of the screens before he got up to place the two-inch-high bird on top of a filing cabinet where it joined a green frog, a brown bear on hind legs, and yellow lion.

“Those are amazing.” I went over to take a closer look.

“Keeps my fingers nimble and relieves boredom. Not that we’re bored.” He mock-scowled at Kenneth, who laughed.

“It’s like the military, three hours of bored waiting, followed by ten minutes of panic, and four hours of mopping up the disaster.”

“Did you serve in the military?” Somehow, he looked too young and…well, innocent to have joined.

“Nope, not me. But my older brother and two cousins did. One of them got killed in ‘ghanistan in 2008. Total cluster fuck that was.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Kenneth shrugged. “I actually didn’t know him that well, but my aunt was totally devastated, and I’m very fond of her. Anyway, I can see you’re ready for some exercise.”

“Have you got your cell phone on you?” the older guy asked.

“Of course,” Kenneth patted the pocket of his sweat pants and motioned for me to precede him out of the door. I noticed the book on the table was one I’d read and enjoyed, this might be a good topic for small talk. However, we went down to the gym in companionable silence; I liked that he didn’t feel the need to fill every moment with chatter. Even though my hearing aids did a great job, particularly with one or two people conversations, I needed to pay attention and got tired if I didn’t get breaks from listening.

After we had finished working-out, there was an awkward moment in the locker room. I was changing to my outdoor shoes, and Kenneth was grabbing a towel and his uniform from a locker. I suddenly realized he must have gotten changed earlier and was waiting for me to show up before he took his official break.

“Thank you for spending your lunch break helping me. I wouldn’t have done so well on my own.”

“You may end up cursing me tomorrow, if your abs are sore.”

“As long as they’re only sore. No pain, no gain.”

“True dat. I hope I’ll see you next weekend too?” Guess that answered my question about his schedule.

“It’s a date.” The words left my mouth before I could stop myself. I sped out the door before my mortified blush could take over my whole face. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I hope he’s forgotten those words by Saturday.

 

Two weeks before Valentine’s Day

Monday morning came once more, and I was no closer to guessing the identity of my secret admirer. No one had reacted to the sad monkey at the shelter, but Richard had laughingly invited me to leave the toy with him. I declined and the monkey now perched on my bedside table, minus bananas of course.

That day’s gift was an envelope with a small slip of paper with an Amazon code. When I entered the string of letters and numbers on the bookstore webpage, I was given a free choice of books or movies within twenty dollars. There was no identity given, only the message ‘Hope you find something useful. Have fun.’ I did, of course, and as I sent off the purchase order I seriously began to consider leaving a message on my desk asking him to reveal himself. Maybe, just maybe, we could meet on Friday night and see if I could become as interested in him, as he seemed to be in me.

I never questioned why it was important to have this mystery solved before Saturday. It just was.

Before I left Monday night, I wrote a small note, put it in today’s envelope, addressed it to ‘Dear ?’ and left it on my desk.

‘Dear unknown friend. Thank you for the gifts. They are much appreciated. Perhaps we could meet if I came in early Friday morning? Or I could call you on Friday night if you left your phone number? Colin.’

For once Dani had no witty comments when I had brought her up on the events of the week. She refused to speculate on what would happen or who the person could be. She didn’t even tease me about my ‘It’s a date’ gaffe, but praised me for taking initiative on getting fit and finding a work-out partner to keep me going. It was like we were both scared of jinxing things. Weird.

I woke up earlier than usual Tuesday morning, and my stomach was in such a state I could only get a cup of tea down. I decided to walk past a Dunkin’ Donut and buy a box of my favorites. I could share them with my colleagues at the weekly secretary/PA meeting at nine-thirty, if the jitters had gone by then.

The first thing I noticed was the envelope on the corner of my desk was gone.

The second thing I saw was a pile of green knitting, which turned out to be the softest scarf I’d ever encountered. It clung to my hands like a caress, and when I wrapped it around my neck, a shudder of sensual delight ran down my back. I almost missed the small hand-written card on the desk underneath the scarf.

“Please join me for a walk and a sandwich in Denny Park tomorrow at twelve.”

Oh God, I had been asked out on a lunch date. By someone who was smart enough to realize a noisy café was not the best place for me. Who had perhaps noticed me spending most of my lunch breaks at the park during the non-rainy summer months. Maybe even knew I loved walking in spite of the sometimes-steep streets of the city which had become my new home.

For the first time ever, except for my few medical and dentist’s appointments, I knocked on Ms. Harding’s door and asked, “Can I take tomorrow afternoon off?”

“Certainly, Colin. I have a meeting from eleven to two, and it may last the rest of the day.”

“Thank you, Elizabeth.”

“You’re welcome, Colin. Thank you too.” Her delighted smile almost made me regret not calling her Elizabeth before now.

***

Needless to say I took extra pains with my looks on Wednesday. Foregoing my normal office outfit of dress pants with shirt and tie, I wore almost-new black jeans, a blue button-down which went well with the green scarf, and a casual-but-smart jacket. My brown hair refused to be any other style than tousled since I keep it long enough to curl over my ears. I’m not ashamed of being partially deaf, and my hearing aids are discreet, but I’m still young and vain enough to keep them from being obvious at first glance.

Elizabeth almost did a double take when she walked in, but to my relief she refrained from commenting on my looks. I’d come to work an hour early in order to get most of my normal tasks done before lunch. Being busy was also a good way of keeping myself distracted. I couldn’t recall when I was last this nervous. I hoped things would go well, but if they didn’t at least I had the afternoon off to lick my wounds.

At precisely quarter to twelve, I shut down my computer, put on my winter coat, added my cat carving to the left pocket, and wound the green scarf round my neck. Miraculously, it wasn’t raining, but the clear, sunny day was cold. I looked around to see if anyone else was on their way to Denny Park, but I didn’t recognize any colleagues. The note hadn’t specified where in the park, so I used the nearest path on Denny Way opposite 8^th Avenue, intending to make my way to the center. I’d only taken a few steps into the park when someone stepped out from behind the large tree on my left.

“You look great, Colin. I knew that scarf would suit you.”

The already-familiar voice, the blue eyes and happy smile made my heart lurch as I turned to see a handsome blond figure move closer.

“Kenneth!”

“Yeah. Are you disappointed?”

“No! Quite the opposite, in fact.”

His smile grew wider, as did mine.

“Good. Ready for some lunch?”

“Can we go for a walk first? I have the afternoon off, and you don’t work Wednesday and Thursday, right?”

“Yes, they’re my weekend. Not so hard to figure out, eh?”

We turned together and began walking, neither of us speaking until we reached the center of the small park. It was quiet here, and we stood facing each other, so I could see his lips. It made understanding easier, and I needed to understand.

“Ken…can I call you Ken?” At his nod I took a deep breath and went on. “How did you find out? And why now and this way?”

“Colin, I was attracted to you the moment I first saw you sitting outside Ms. Harding’s office. I tried to flirt with you, but you didn’t react, so I thought you were straight.”

“You were? You did? Oh! I thought you were just being friendly.”

He chuckled. “Friendly indeed. Your eyes were so sad, and I wanted to see you smile. You have a lovely smile, Colin.”

A shy smile stretched my lips, and Ken’s devastating grin hit me hard. The resulting flutter in my stomach was welcome and scary at the same time.

“I got renewed hope when you turned up a month later and borrowed those cameras. But you simply gave them back after a week, said thank you, and that was it. I checked the short-term memory of them both, and found cat footage as you’d told me. There was a great close-up of Solomon sitting in his chair, I saved that and used it later for the carving.”

“You did this?” I dug out the carving and Ken nodded.

“I was scared Tom would tell you I do carving to pass the time.”

“Tom? The guy doing origami?”

“Yeah. Anyway, I spent a lot of time doing Solomon carvings until I had a perfect one. I wanted to give it to you, but I couldn’t find a good way to approach you. I kept hoping, when you never dated any of the office girls who were interested in you, but I wasn’t sure.”

“Is that why you did the gifts in secret?” I shifted and stamped my feet to counteract the cold seeping up my legs. Ken reached out and took my hand, pulling me along at a brisk walk around Denny Park. Even though we were both wearing gloves, I enjoyed the feeling of his hand holding mine. We were almost the same height, took steps of equal length, and walking together felt natural and right. I kept stealing glances at him, and he did the same, giving me happy smiles that warmed my heart.

Once more stopping in the middle of the park, Kenneth resumed the conversation.

“Do you know why I was called up to Ms. Harding’s office?”

“You were getting a promotion or bonus?”

“Yeah, but I also got a task. She told me Sec-Loc was going to donate surveillance cameras to Safe House, and I am guessing this was shortly after you started there as a volunteer. She was most insistent I couldn’t tell anyone, including you.”

Oh! I shook my head in wonder. Seemed Elizabeth had done more than just approve of my way of filling my empty weekends.

“Richard Merleston told me they needed surveillance outside the main doors, because the neighborhood is a bit rough. He also wanted a camera in his office, but only when the door was locked. Some of his files are sensitive and there’s also a safe. He enters a code before he unlocks the door and this inactivates the camera, but any unauthorized entry is recorded.”

“But what does this have to do with me?”

“There were some problems with the outside cameras during Christmas, so I went over to fix them. I sat inside in one of the rooms, because it was warmer and easier. I overheard two of the boys talking, not on purpose, you know. But one of them mentioned your name and Solomon, and I couldn’t help myself.”

“What did they say?”

“One of them, Pete I think his name was, told the other boy to confide in you when you came back. ‘Talk to Colin, the deaf guy with the Siamese cat. He’s gay too ‘n he’ll be cool about the liking dudes stuff. I kinda think he’s been hurt really bad one time. Has the eyes, ya know.’ I knew exactly what he meant.”

I stared at Kenneth, who looked uncomfortable, but determined.

“It gave me hope and a good guess at why you weren’t seeing anyone. But I couldn’t just go up and ask you for a date, because so far we’re not out at work. So that’s why I came up with the idea of catching your interest with gifts, and here we are.”

His hopeful smile melted my heart, and I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. From the look on his face you’d think I had just given him a medal or something. He tugged me closer and carefully put his arms around me. I hugged him in return and we simply stood there for a minute or so. It felt wonderful; safe, warm and comforting. I tried to wrap my head around the fact this great guy had secretly wanted me for so long, patiently waiting for his chance of getting my attention.

I knew what to do. Pulling back I took out the carving once more. “Do you want to meet the model of this? I’d like to introduce you to Solomon, I’m sure he’ll approve. He’s a very clever cat.”

“I’d love to, Colin.”

This time Ken leaned forward and his mouth connected with mine. His lips were as soft as I’d imagined and being kissed by him was my favorite gift so far.

 

Valentine’s Day Gifts

Solomon was quite surprised to see me return in the middle of the day. He liked Kenneth immediately, and after two weeks greeted him as affectionately as he did me and Dani. We did go on a date for Valentine’s Day, but my considerate boyfriend arranged for a cozy, intimate dinner at his apartment, telling me to bring Sol, so I could stay the night.

“We don’t have to do anything, babe, but I’d love to sleep with you in my arms.”

“You’re incredibly sweet, Ken, but I shall be quite disappointed if all we do is sleep.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah, I freely admit to lusting after the sexiest Ken doll in the world.”

“Fuck!” He grabbed me and we had our most scorching kiss so far. He cupped my ass with both hands and the hardness pressed against my hip was very promising.

“I sure hope so. Let me get Sol’s bag, his harness and some cat food, and we can go.”

It was the best Valentine’s Day and night ever. To my delight, Ken was as versatile as I am, and he had amazing stamina. After he made love to me with gratifying enthusiasm, he rode me to another earth-shattering orgasm for both of us. I’d taken the next day off, and by late morning we were both sore, but very, very content.

He was spooned up behind me, kissing my neck. I’d removed my hearing aids before we went to sleep, and never managed to put them back in. My eyes were closed, when I felt his breath against my ear and a nudge of my hand. I opened my eyes and saw a Valentines in front of me.

It simply said: ‘Colin. Please be my Valentine forever.’

I turned to look at him and his lips formed the words ‘I love you.’

“Yes, Ken. I love you too.”

My heart is whole and belongs to him. My life is once more worth living and my future bright. No one can ask for more.