Mr. Brightside - 19. Chapter 19

Note: Descriptions of sexual assault occur in this chapter.

Mr. Brightside

Chapter 19

Jason looked at the thumb drive in confusion. He had definitely wondered about its contents and why Shane had hidden it so carefully, but he couldn’t image what could be on it that Shane thought would make Jason think less of him.

Jason, holding the drive like it was a bomb that could explode with the slightest jostle, went to his bedroom and booted up his laptop. He quickly determined that the device held a couple of video files, and, his heart pounding in sudden fear of the unknown, he opened the first video.

The scene was that of two blond boys; one had obviously bleached hair, the other one’s hair was a darker, natural blond, streaked with highlights. Jason recognized Shane, a younger Shane, almost immediately. It took him a moment to recognize the other guy as Corey.

Jason heard a voice talking from off screen. It somehow sounded familiar, but he couldn’t place it. He was staring at the screen….there wasn’t much movement, and it looked like unedited, raw footage...when he started at hearing the voice say his own name. Jason frowned, and reversed the video.

“Jason,” the voice said, “it’s good to see you again.. And I see you brought a new friend. What’s his name?”

“I’m Shane,” Shane replied.

“Whoa...dude….you need to make up a name...do you really want to be billed on a porn site under your own name?” the voice said.

“Sorry,” Shane replied, “I’m just nervous. I plan on being ‘Brad,’ but I forgot.”

“No problem. Before we go on, I need to adjust the light anyway,” the voice said, and then a figure passed in front of the camera moving to the right side of the bed and going out of the framing. When the guy came back, Jason recognized him, and the use of “Jayson” and Corey’s presence made sense. The cameraman was the bearded guy Jason had seen when he had found Corey’s scene for Bywater Bad Bois.

Jason’s stomach knotted as he fast forwarded through the rest of the video. He couldn’t bring himself to watch it closely, but he needed to know if it was, indeed, what he thought it was. He watched Corey and Shane kiss and start undressing each other before he could take no more.

Feeling nauseous, he pulled up the other video. When it opened, he immediately recognized the courtyard that he had seen in the first BBB video he had watched, but now, there were padded platforms around, and the courtyard seemed to be filled with guys. The footage again seemed raw, and it took him a minute to spot Shane, since his friend’s hair was dyed blue.

Another minute of watching made him realize something else different about his friend in this scene. Unlike earlier, where Shane was alert and responsive, here he seemed out of it, acting dazed and disoriented. When the camera pulled in for a closeup on the blue haired boy, Jason saw Shane’s dilated pupils and slack mouth and, with mounting horror, realized his friend was on drugs.

Jason watched a bit more; an older, already naked guy pulling on Shane’s t-shirt. Shane seemed to be resisting, and suddenly another guy moved behind Shane, grabbing his wrists together behind his back and subduing him. As Shane struggled, the first guy grabbed the t-shirt at the neck and ripped it open, baring Shane’s chest.

Jason couldn’t take anymore and ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before puking. Afterwards, he sat there for a bit, recovering, before going to the sink to rinse his mouth and wash his face. As he went back into his room, Jason realized he had left the video playing, and as he went to turn it off, almost against his will, he raised his eyes to the laptop screen one more time, seeing a glimpse of Shane lying naked on a platform, his hands restrained to the sides, his legs similarly bound, his face blank. A naked man moved toward him….Jason hurriedly shut down the media player before he could see more.

He sat there stunned and shaken for a while before getting up and moving to Shane’s room. The door was closed, so Jason knocked and waited until he heard the soft “come in” from Shane to enter.

Shane was sitting on the bed, leaning against the padded headboard, and staring at the black tv screen. “Did you watch it?” he asked.

“Part of it,” Jason said. “I….I couldn’t watch it all.”

“Really? Didn’t like seeing your sweet, innocent little friend doing porn? Didn’t like seeing him get fucked on camera?”

“No, not really, but….”

Shane interrupted him. “That’s what whores do, you know. Get fucked for money.”

“Stop it, Shane.”

“Why? It’s the truth.”

“You’re not a whore. Quit calling yourself that.”

“You just watched evidence to the contrary.”

“I don’t care what I watched. I guess you’re right….you had sex on camera, and I assume you got paid, but you’re not a whore.” Jason was still confused by what he had seen and still trying to wrap his head around it all, but he couldn’t take the man he loved calling himself such disgusting names. And even, in the first video, where Shane had looked fully aware, he had also looked…..what?.....scared, nervous?.....more than that….

“You looked desperate. Did you need money really badly?”

“Does it matter? Lots of people need money. Lots of people don’t do that.”

“Lots of people have parents they can depend on and don’t get kicked out of school. Lots of other people do get that desperate.”

Shane, silent, turned away from Jason. “Talk to me,” Jason said, What happened? And the videos...you seemed okay in the first one….I mean, I could tell you didn’t really want to be there…. but….that other one….what happened?”

Shane’s stony face melted, tears streamed from his eyes for a moment, then he started sobbing...great wrenching sobs that shook his body. Jason jumped onto the bed, gathering Shane into his arms. The blond resisted him at first, but then seemed to melt onto Jason’s chest.

“Shhhh,” Jason murmured as he held the man he loved, a man in pain. Eventually the sobs stopped, and Jason pulled away enough to reach for the box of tissue on the nightstand. As Jason moved, Shane seemed to gather himself, and resettled himself against the headboard, taking the tissue with a grateful look on his tear-stained face.

“Thanks,” he said, drying his eyes.

“Hey,” Jason said, “Why don’t I go make us some hot tea? Would you like that? And then we can talk, if you want. Sound good?”

Shane nodded, wiping his eyes. “That sounds good.” He managed a weak smile

Jason hurried to the kitchen, setting the kettle on to boil. By the time he had assembled two white china mugs on a small tray and settled on an herbal tea described as “relaxing,” the water was ready. He carried the tray back to Shane’s room.

Shane seemed much more composed. His eyes were dry, and he had started an Amy Winehouse album at a low volume. He accepted the mug from Jason gracefully. After making sure Shane was happy, Jason settled in on the bed beside him.

“Look,” Jason said, “before we go any further, I just want you to know, I don’t care what you’ve done…..well, I mean I do care, but only because I can tell what happened bothers you…..but Shane...I love you, and there’s nothing you can ever do that will change that; that will make me think less of you. And maybe that makes me a bad person, because, I swear you could shoot someone in cold blood in front of me, and I’d still love you.”

Shane looked at Jason, something like hope breaking through the pain in the shimmering blue-green eyes. “Jason….” he said softly, almost like a prayer.

“I mean it.”

Quickly, Shane darted forwarded, kissing Jason. Shane’s lips were salty from his tears, and the kiss was little more than a swift pressure, but Jason felt a surge of electricity than ran through his entire body.

“Well,” Shane said, after pulling back and settling against the headboard. “It was Corey who convinced me to do the scenes.”

“Asshole,” Jason muttered involuntarily.

Shane smiled ruefully, “He wasn’t always an asshole, not before the partying and the drugs. I mean….you have to understand, at first….when I first got to Baton Rouge it was great, and a large part of that was him. You have to understand….the year or so before I left school was rough. I was so confused about you, upset over being gay, feeling like my dad hated me….and then when you outed me…”

“I’m so sorry…” Jason began, but Shane interrupted him.

“I know….I’m just trying to make you understand….so, after the outing and my little stunt with the razor blades,” Shane raised his uninjured hand, flashing his wrist with another ironic smile, “I was at a really low point, and then they revoked my scholarship….”

“Fucking assholes,” Jason broke out.

Shane actually chuckled. “Valid point….but if you keep interrupting, this is going to take all night.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” And now Shane’s smile was genuine. “It’s nice you have my back. Anyway, when I was packing up to leave Ruston, I really felt I was at rock bottom, especially since I was homeless. Paul had tried to convince me to come to Alaska where he was working, but that didn’t seem practical, so when Corey told me I could stay with some of his friends…...I felt like I didn’t have a lot choice.

“But, by the time I left the city limits….I don’t know….it all changed; I felt free, like I was finally starting my life. And the next few months in Baton Rouge were great….some of the best times of my life.

“Corey technically lived on campus, but he spent most of his time at his friend's’ house. It was like something out of the ‘60s; kind of like a commune. I’m not even sure who officially lived there, and who was passing through. It’s a miracle rent was ever paid.

“But the deal is, the people there...they didn’t judge, and they didn’t care. They didn’t care I was gay, that I had dropped out of school, that I wanted to be an artist instead of an accountant. It was like…..remember how I used to make you watch Rent?

“Jesus, do I,” Jason said, with a laugh before starting to sing, “Five hundred, twenty four thousand, six hundred minutes….”

“Stop! Stop!” Shane cried in mock distress, holding his hands over his ears. “The agony…...I did not miss your tone deaf singing the last few years.”

“Hey,” Jason said. “That hurts. I’ll have you know that I slay, I tell you, I slay at karaoke.”

“Whatever you say. Anyway, that’s what I always secretly dreamed of….living la vie boheme like in Rent or Cabaret, and here was my chance. So, they let me set up a bedroom in the breakfast nook and helped me get a job as a barista. It was good.” Shane smiled, staring dreamily into space, remembering.

“So what happened? If it was so good, why did y’all move to New Orleans?”

“Well,” Shane said sighing, “things changed. Corey lost his scholarship after Spring semester and couldn’t afford to stay in school; If he wasn’t in school, he didn’t particularly want to stay in Baton Rouge. And I had just suffered some romantic heartbreak thanks to a member of the commune, so I needed to find a new place to live.”

Jason winced inwardly at the mention of heartbreak, upset to think of Shane hurting and jealous of the guy who had done it, but he stayed silent, and let Shane continue uninterrupted.

“Moving to New Orleans seemed like a great new adventure. By then, I had spent some time in the Quarter and loved it, and a friend of a friend offered us a place to stay while while we got settled. He also helped hook us up with jobs at an event staffing place.

“Again, at first, it was great. We found this great apartment….it was just a couple of rooms in this old house….but they had 14 foot ceilings, and these elaborate plaster moldings, and marble mantelpieces…..the house was falling down...I kept expecting to find out Miss Haversham lived upstairs. Anyway, I thought it was beautiful and romantic...more la vie boheme.” Shane chuckled.

“What?” Jason asked.

“I was just remembering that place. We went overboard with the atmosphere when we decorated it…..it looked like a set from Interview with a Vampire. Anyway, life was good for a bit. In addition to the cater waiter gig, I found a job at a coffee shop. Corey was doing odd jobs here and there, and we managed to get by.

“But soon enough, we weren’t…..I mean, it can be an expensive city, especially if you go out every night, and in Corey’s case, his occasional drug use starting becoming more than occasional. So, a couple of months in, we were short on rent. I had sold my car to pay our deposits on the apartment and the utilities, so there was no nest egg or anything like that.

“That’s when Corey had the great idea to do New Meat Night at the Meat Rack.”

“The Meat Rack?”

“It’s a go go boy bar,” Shane said with a dry laugh. “Let’s just say it makes Le Coq look like the Follies Bergere.”

“Oh,” Jason said with a wince, remembering the dive like vibe of the bar where he had run into Shane.

“Yeah. But it’s really popular, and on Fridays, they have a contest for amateurs; the deal is, you dance on the bar and get to keep the tips. If you win, you get $200 and are offered a spot performing.”

“Did you win?”

“Well, WE won. Corey thought if we dressed alike and performed as ‘twins’ it would make more impact. So we both bleached our hair and bought matching underwear. It worked.”

“That first night, we made our rent, plus a little extra. I never really liked dancing there. I mean, I made good money, and I admit, it was a thrill to have guys admire me, but….at the same time I felt so self conscious, and then…..it was just a skeezy place. Lots of the guys got into drugs and to afford them…….” Shane trailed off.

“But Corey loved it,” he continued after a bit. “I’m not sure if he thought he was proving his parents right or wrong by dancing there, but he got off on it in a way I didn’t. I could see that Meat Rack was not a long term solution. That’s when I managed to get an interview at Diabolique.”

“Viktor’s restaurant?” asked Jason.

“Yes,” Shane answered. “You can make really good money as a server in a fine dining restaurant, and after 6 months or so, I’d had my fill of Bohemia for a while. I was ready for a bank balance over two digits and an apartment that had functioning hot water in addition to the atmosphere. Plus Corey….” Shane sighed and looked away.

“By this time, Corey’s partying was out of hand, and he never had his full share of bills. I got the job and started looking for another place to live. We had a big fight about my “abandoning” him, but we finally settled it after I agreed to pay an additional month’s bills so he had time to find another roommate. I found a room to rent in a house not too far from Diabolique, but I just didn’t have enough money for my deposit, in addition to paying for the extra month. But I just wanted out so bad at that point. I loved Corey, but he was out of control.”

“So that’s when he suggested you do the porn?”

Shane sighed and took a sip of his tea.

“Yeah. He had met this guy Rene a little while back who was starting his own streaming porn service up in the Bywater. Rene had plenty of money already, so I think it was more of a way to try to hook up with young guys than a money making scheme. Anyway, Corey met him at the Meat Rack, and they started hanging out. Corey had already filmed a couple of scenes, but nothing had gone online yet; Rene wanted to build up several months worth of material before launching the site.

“Anyway, Corey convinced me it wasn’t a big deal, and I…..I don’t know. I knew all along it was a mistake, but it really did seem like it wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean….Corey and I were never a couple, but we had fooled around before, so it wasn’t like it was with a stranger. And I had danced in my underwear in public and let strangers fondle me for a dollar. Plus, I admit, I thought the idea of people wanting to see me do that…..it was a bit of a turn on. But mostly, I just thought that in a few hours, I could have the money I needed to make a break, to turn my life around, to put all that behind me….and I decided to do it.

“Filming it was just so awkward, though, and Rene, he shot it, kept wanting me to go further than I had agreed. By the time it was over, I felt so dirty and stupid and like I had made a huge mistake, but it was too late. At least I had enough money to move on.”

“So did you...move on, I mean?”

“Yes,” Shane answered. “My new roommates agreed to let me move in early, so I went ahead and packed up and left. And for a while, everything was great. I was making good money at Diabolique. By then, I had met Viktor, and he liked me, so I became his default server when he came in….and he tips really well.” Shane grinned.

“I haven’t asked because I know it’s not really my business, but what is the deal with you and Viktor? I know you were engaged to his son, but it seems like more than that.” Jason asked.

“He told me early on that I reminded him of someone. I found out later, it was his wife. He said we have the same eyes. I saw pictures of her...it’s true, they’re exactly the same color; I look like I could be related. And she was an artist, as well, a former country girl…...For whatever reason, he liked me, and for my part, he was like this father figure, always asking about how I was doing, wanting to know my plans for the future, making sure I was eating right….stuff like that.”

“Viktor’s married? I thought he was single.”

“He was. She was killed about 25 years ago. She was the love of his life, and he never got over her.”

“Oh, that’s sad.” Jason paused for a bit, before asking his next question. “So if things were okay with Diabolique and the new apartment, why did you do the other scene?”

Shane sat silently for a long moment, sadness settling in on his features.

“I started taking some classes at the community college, it was Viktor’s idea. He’s big on education. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, and he thought trying some different courses might trigger an interest. It seemed logical, and I missed school at that point, so I decided to go for it.

“It did leave me a bit tapped out moneywise, though. I mean, I had enough to pay my bills and live, etc., but I didn’t have a lot left over. That’s when Corey called me, frantic. He was hysterical; he owed his dealer a ton of money, and the guy was threatening to kill him.”

“Jesus,” Jason murmured.

“Yeah,” Shane agreed. “The worst thing was we had seen it happen to one of the other dancers at the Meat Rack.” He paused and shook his head, remembering. “That poor dude…”

After a moment, he continued, “The problem was, I didn’t have $500 to spare, much less $5,000. I thought about asking Viktor, but I just didn’t want to. I had already seen how people used him for money all the time. Corey said that Rene would pay me that much for another scene. I didn’t want to do it, but I agreed to at least come talk to him about doing it. As angry as I was with Corey, I couldn’t just leave him in this mess.

“I was...I don’t know….hoping some solution would drop out of the sky, but if not, I figured I would at least find out for sure what they were asking me to do. And then, if it was my only option to help Corey, I’d do it. I dyed my hair blue with one of those temporary colors…..now, I knew I had something to lose if someone recognized me...I couldn’t imagine if one of my customer’s or co-workers saw the video…” Shane started crying, not the wrenching sobs of before, but silent streams of tears.

Jason pulled him close, mindful of the injured arm and stroked Shane’s soft fuzz.

Shane continued, “After I got to Rene’s, he told me he wanted me to do a group scene. That was too much for me. I would have done other stuff, but not that. I decided, as humiliating as it would be, to ask Viktor for a loan. Then, they gave me some water….it tasted funny and everything got hazy. When I came too, someone was on top of me...inside of me….” Shane broke down again, wailing against Jason’s chest.

Jason held Shane close, his own heart breaking.

Finally, Shane, stopped, exhausted. They sat still for a moment, Jason leaning against the headboard, Shane resting on Jason’s chest. He pulled away, reached for tissues, and wiped his face again.

“The worst part was the betrayal. Corey knew all along what Rene was planning. He set me up. My best friend sold me for $5,000. I’m not even an expensive whore.”

“Hey,” Jason said sharply. “Don’t use that word. Never call yourself that again.”

“Sorry,” Shane said with a miserable attempt at a smile. “Force of habit.”

“I don’t like it when the guy I’m in love with insults himself,” Jason said, resting a hand on Shane’s soft, wet cheek. Shane’s own hand came up to rest on Jason’s, warm and strong. Shane didn’t respond with words to Jason’s declaration, but his luminous eyes broadcast his own feelings.

Eventually, Jason broke the silent connection. “So what happened afterwards?”

“I was a wreck. As soon as I was able, I got a cab home. I showered and showered trying to wash it all off. Somehow, I managed to drag myself to work the next day. I couldn’t afford to not show up. Viktor had come early to meet with the chef, and he took one look at me and knew something was up.”

“What did he do?”

“We went into the office, and he questioned me until I broke down and told him everything. And then he said not to worry, that he would take care of it all.”

“Did he?”

Shane managed a smile. “Of course, he did. He always manages somehow. First thing, he took me to his doctor for treatment in case I had been exposed to something. Then, he sent me home with Ramon to baby sit me. When Viktor came back in a few hours, he had notarized documents stating that Rene had destroyed all copies of both films and had relinquished all rights. When I tried to thank him, he just told me, “It never happened.””

“What did he do? How did Rene to agree?”

“I don’t know. He would never talk about it again. If I tried to bring it up, he would always say, ‘It never happened.’”

“Do you think……?”

“What?”

“The fire…….the one that killed Rene and Corey…I mean....I know it was a lot later, but....do you think Viktor did that?”

“That wasn’t Viktor; Viktor's many things, but cold blooded killer, even by proxy isn't one of them. Besides, his solution to problems is always throwing money at it, not violence.”

Jason looked at Shane. "If not Viktor, then who?"