Tiger Winter - 16. Longing

Emmett woke up alone. It was like being slapped in the face by a cold wet salmon who then escaped back into the river, never to be caught. Emmett woke up, and the space around which he was curled was cold, empty and devoid of the presence of Jian. Only his scent remained, clinging and lingering on Emmett’s skin and sheets. Like a thief in the night, the boy had come and gone.

He was on the sofa, with a cup of hot chocolate and a book, half-dressed and lying back against the folded blankets that made up his bed. Emmett wondered how long the boy had been conscious, because he’d have had to get up early and quietly to avoid waking the sleeping polar bear, but Jian seemed happily engrossed in his book, another one stolen from Emmett’s shelves, and Emmett was about to pass him by and head for the kitchen when the tiger whistled softly.

“Did you just whistle at me?” Emmett arched a pale eyebrow.

“I have hot chocolate for you,” Jian gestured delicately to a large steaming mug waiting on the coffee table, “with cinnamon.”

“And tiny marshmallows,” Emmett frowned at the contents of his mug, “heart-shaped marshmallows… is there something you’re not telling me?”

“Nope,” Jian smirked gently, sipped his drink and returned to his book, “good morning Emmett.”

Grumbling gently, the polar bear left his friend and made his way to the kitchen. It had only been two days since he’d last eaten properly, but there was seal blubber in the fridge, butter in the dish, and soon enough Emmett had a heavy chef’s knife and a frying pan out to sear the little squares into globules of rich fatty goodness. While the cubes sizzled and spat, Emmett tried not to think about the fact that, despite previous complaints of being cold, Jian had been lounging on the sofa in sweats, booties and his unzipped tiger-striped hoodie. It was as though he had gone through Emmett’s brain and picked out an image from his fantasies. The sight of Jian’s smooth taut tan chest was not one Emmett was going to be able to easily shake off. Where the boy had found the tiny heart shaped marshmallows, Emmett wasn’t sure, but he was certain that Ryley probably had something to do with it.

Emmett cooked his seal chunks and thought about Jian. Falling asleep with the boy had felt so… comforting, so normal, and Emmett wondered how he had missed the warm glow under his skin for so long. He thought of that first kiss: soft, warm, illicit, touched by a desire that was brand new and candy-floss sweet. If it hadn’t been for Zeke, or for his own shyness or a dozen other things, maybe Jian would have slunk into his bed months ago. Just as Emmett made the decision to go and speak to his friend, properly this time and dressed in his skin, he turned to find Jian standing directly behind him.

“Er… hi,” Emmett found his voice stuck in his throat. Jian, his hoodie still open and displaying his chest, stood inches from him, one thumb hooked into the low riding waistband of his sweats. Emmett couldn’t help but follow the lines of his body down towards his crotch.

“Seal for breakfast?” Jian’s tone was shockingly light and normal, despite the banked fire in his eyes. He reached past Emmett and plucked a seared cube directly from the pan with his fingers. He held Emmett’s gaze as he slipped the morsel past his lips, and Emmett found that he absolutely could not look away from Jian as he chewed, then swallowed. “Mmm…” the boy licked molten butter from his fingers in a manner Emmett could only describe as provocative, “thanks Xue.”

“Umm…” Emmett blinked, trying to clear the cloud of pink and red lust from his vision. Whatever he had been about to say to Jian was lost somewhere behind the singular desire to wrap his arms around the boy and never let go. Emmett didn’t remember ever being so turned on in his whole life.

“Yes?” Jian smiled sweetly.

“I- er…”

“Morning!” Rye bounced in with his usual morning vigour, “I thought I smelt Emm’s cooking. Thanks bro!” Rye took a plate and garnished his seal blubber with a bizarre combination of hot sauce and mayonnaise before taking his normal seat at the kitchen table. Moving like an automaton, Emmett turned off the stove and joined him. “So what do you wanna do today?”

“Err…” Emmett glanced up from his plate to look at his brother, but ended up staring over his head to where Jian was tracing a line of butter and saliva down his bare chest, fingers lingering at his navel. He was smiling like a cat with a ball of string, and Emmett had the distinct feeling he was being toyed with.

“You still owe me a hockey match, Emm,” Rye spoke around a mouthful of seal. “There’s no practice on the rink today – we can even use the good ice.”

“Sounds like fun,” Jian grinned, “watching you two beat each other up with sticks…”

Then it was Emmett’s turn to laugh.

“Oh, it won’t be just us…”

*

It started out that way, just Emmett and Rye, the latter wearing his brand new Maple Leafs jersey and Emmett in his old Northern Lights High School kit, skidding over the ice on their skates with sticks, passing the puck back and forth between them. Rye had indeed grown into a very good player, and after twenty minutes or so was skating around Emmett backwards, weaving the flat disc of the puck around and about his feet as though controlling its movements was the most natural thing in the world. Emmett shouldered his stick and whipped around the outside of the ring for a while, building speed until he intercepted the puck and whipped it from his brother’s grasp. It didn’t take long for others to join them.

Mesier turned up first, and tied off his one man racing sled and the two dog team and skidded out onto the ice in a flurry of ice chips. Then it was Shadow, and his younger brother who elected to play alongside Emmett. Not long after Jian had lost interest in watching in order to play with the two husky dogs, most of the young men under thirty who had ever played ice hockey for one of the local teams was out on the ice. The Garrick brothers fought a match that was all hard play and friendly violence.

“Aww fuck…” Emmett lay back against the cold metal of the bleachers and placed a hand inside his jersey over his ribs. They ached from where the moose had done its best to lay him open, and Rye hadn’t made it any easier on him because of it. Getting thrown against the goal at that same exact point had been an accident, and the kid who had shouldered him had been apologetic as hell after his triumphant roar. “Good game, little brother.”

“You too,” Rye flexed his shoulders, making his joints creak. “I suppose you’ve still got it in you, Emm. You did alright for an old man.”

“Cheeky bastard!” Emmett knuckled his brother’s scalp until Rye yelped and pulled away, “I’m not old.”

“Not yet,” Rye sighed into the chill air, his breath a cloud of smoke, “we’ll all be old one day…”

“Don’t wish your life away Rye,” Emmett chided softly.

“We can sit at Christmas and teach our kids to play hockey, hunt seal and make fires out on the ice. Our sons will get their fur and learn to swim…” Rye looked across at his brother, and bit his lower lip, “sorry Emm…I didn’t-”

“It’s alright Rye,” Emmett hugged his brother against his uninjured side, “I’ll teach your kids how to cook properly.” Aching, he got up from the bleachers, and cast about for Jian. It was easy to find the little not-tiger, because despite the chill scent of the ice, the numerous mixed smells and sweat of all those who had come to play, Jian’s rich exotic scent was laid like a fire brand in Emmett brain, and as soon as he turned, he found Jian standing on the top level of the bleachers, hands in pockets, looking for all the world like he was relaxing on a sunny day on some beach.

“Hey,” Jian stamped snow from his boots onto the top step, and Emmett smiled, and climbed up to join him. “How are the ribs?”

“Sore,” Emmett winced slightly as he straightened up, “you enjoy the game?”

“Yeah, it’s fun watching people beat you up,” Jian smirked. He touched his palm to Emmett’s chest, just above the spot where his bruised ribs ached, and Emmett felt the heat through three layers of clothing and the sweat he had worked up during the game. “Don’t worry Xue, I’ll look after you.”

Emmett smiled, and as they left the rink, Jian’s warm smile held promises of what might be.

He took Jian for a ride out in the snow, and the boy wound chill fingers into his fur and held tight onto the bear as they paced through the snowy woodlands. Emmett wondered if Jian was ever going to learn to remember to bring gloves when they went out; but he enjoyed the sensation of Jian’s fingers scratching gently against his skin and working through the thick fur on his head.

That night, Emmett lay and stared at the ceiling, and thought about going back to Toronto. He loved being home, surrounded by the warmth and love of his family, the familiarity of the territory in which he’d grown up, and learnt how to live and hunt in his fur: but the shine of being newly home had worn thinner. Emmett half longed to go back to the city. Trying to balance the lust he felt stirring whenever Jian looked at him was difficult when Rye wanted to go and play in the snow: being surrounded by below-freezing temperatures didn’t seem to help with the swamp of red-desire. He blinked softly, wondering what it would be like to have the little tiger sleeping once again in the room across the hall. He sighed, because the distance seemed greater than the width of the Moose River for all the good it would do him.

The sound of the door sliding open over Emmett’s thick carpet ran a shiver down the polar bear’s spine. He groaned as Jian’s weight settled next to him, and the boy removed his hand from Emmett bruised chest quickly.

“Poor Xue-bear,” Jian’s voice was whisper soft in the darkness, “no more hockey for you, eh?”

“Hey,” Emmett reached out and pulled Jian against his side, “I was wondering if you’d come.”

“Of course,” Jian rolled and leant up on his elbows, his fingers finding the hot, dark skin where Emmett had been injured, “I said I’d look after you.”

“And in the morning?” Emmett found the glimmer of Jian’s orange eyes in the dark, and wrapped his arms tighter around his warm lithe body.

But in the morning, the tiger was gone, and Emmett lay in the cooling bed, wondering how he was supposed to play this new game in which he had found himself.

*

They were in the grocery store when Emmett realised he was being teased.

For the past three days as he had healed up things had continued much as they had been: he and Rye had gone fishing, both in skin and in fur; Jian had come with him into the forest and through town for walks; they met Boots out on the scrubland between the northern edge of town and the river; hung out on the sofa reading books and talking about everything and nothing. It had been wonderful, easy, and normal. Just like it had before, what Emmett felt for the boy became too complicated to explain. But at night, Jian was different. The young man glowed with desire and energy, and each night he snuck into Emmett’s bed, warm and soft and hard at the same time, and every line and edge of him glowed golden in the darkness. Emmett had no idea how it happened, but every time Jian would glance in his direction, Emmett could think of nothing but the speed of his pulse and the heat of his crotch. From the red and pink scents that filled the air, Jian was having similar thoughts, but somehow the not-tiger seemed to be much more in control of his reaction. And each morning, he was gone and vanished, and Emmett always found him looking like he had in a fantasy. That morning he had walked in just as Jian had pulled on his trousers, and had his libido sent reeling by a flash of Jian’s smooth pert behind from under his hoodie.

He stood in the aisle that held milk and cold drinks on one side, and breakfast foods and munchies on the other, and watched as Jian sauntered back from the checkout with a single long-necked glass bottle of amber coloured cream soda. The boy twisted off the lid with two fingers, flicked the cap into his pocket, and while Emmett was distracted by the smooth motion of his fingers against the cloth of his jeans, took an open lipped swig from the bottle. Emmett couldn’t help but shiver, because Jian’s wet mouth and swallowing throat were outlined in gold, and as the boy licked his lips, all Emmett could hear in his head were the memories of imagined moans. Jian’s eyes held his for a moment, burning orange and gold, his flowery scent overwhelming Emmett’s senses. The polar bear’s pulse washed through him like the beating of the tide, thunderously loud, so that he could concentrate on little else as Jian stroked the side of the bottle with the pad of one forefinger, collecting condensation in glistening slow motion. Emmett didn’t think he could be more turned on, watching as Jian’s other fingers caught the soft fabric of his t-shirt, lifting the hem by millimetres to show his lovely skin, and touched one wet digit to his navel. Emmett’s vision went both suddenly sharp and blurry; losing focus on everything that wasn’t Jian.

He stepped forwards, and cracked his shin on part of a shelf he hadn’t seen. He growled, blinked, and when he looked up, the boy was simply standing there by the cereal boxes, drinking his soda like any other casually gorgeous young man. He smiled in a knowing manner, and Emmett realised that somehow, the boy knew exactly what he was doing. Not a single word had been spoken, and yet Emmett knew the vision hadn’t originated in his own mind, though whether or not any of it had been real was debateable.

“You alright there, Xue?” Jian grinned. “You seem confused. Trying to decide between milk and orange juice?”

Emmett glowered at him, but when he passed the not-tiger, he felt the shiver that ran through Jian’s body as clearly as if it had been his own. Something was happening between them, but Emmett was unable to explain what.

They had made preparations to leave the day after tomorrow, and so whilst Jian went inside the house to put away groceries and no doubt play tag around the kitchen table with Rye, a favourite game they had invented one morning whilst fighting over pop-tarts, Emmett stayed outside with his truck in order to check the big machine over before they got on the train and started their long drive home. Emmett was nothing if not methodical, and while he ran through his mental checklist of everything from the oil level to the neatly folded emergency blankets in the back, he dreamt of where he would like to drive his truck.

Resolute was the most northerly town in Canada, way up in the Arctic Circle and at seventy-four degrees north, it was only 400 miles from there to the North Pole. Four hundred miles was no distance at all for a lone polar bear, or a dog team, or a truck… It had been done before, two English idiots had been the first people ever to drive to the North Pole, and Emmett wondered if even someone who liked warm weather and beaches as much as Jian could be persuaded to travel to the top of the planet in a slightly warm car and relative comfort. People from Toronto thought Moosonee was a long way north, but it was only at fifty-one degrees, and as Emmett readied his truck, with its freeze resistant fuel and beefed up suspension, he once again wanted to improve on his previous marker for farthest distance travelled northwards.

As much as Jian had loved sledding, and enjoyed riding a bear through the snow, he doubted the hot climate tiger would want to follow him to the end of the earth – even if he had told Ryley that’s what he would do. Emmett hated to think that there would soon come a time when Jian thought about leaving the land of snow and ice, and as much as Emmett longed and lusted after him, he knew he could never be happy living without The Great Spirits overhead.

It was getting dark by the time Emmett finished with the truck, and he decided to walk around the back of the house, roll happily in the snow for ten minutes in his fur, and pull on his jeans before wiping the snow from his feet as he dumped the rest of his clothes in a pile inside the back porch.

Jian was lying on the sofa, apparently reading, but Emmett could tell by the scent of the boy that his eyes were not focused, and his mind wandered without purpose. In the grocery store, Emmett was sure the boy had somehow planted the fantasy in his mind, and now he stood with his bare shoulders against the wall and wondered if two could play at that game. The best fantasy he had, the one he most enjoyed, was the one where he had sunk to his knees in front of the little tiger and sucked on his hard cock until his brain had woken him much too abruptly: it seemed like a good memory to revisit.

Emmett visualised pacing over to the boy, hidden from direct view by Jian’s upheld book, and in his head knelt next to the couch whilst Jian read on, running his fingers along the noticeable natural bulge in the boy’s trousers. Jian whimpered, eyes sliding from the page as Emmett lifted his hips and pulled the fabric down over his hips and wonderfully shaped arse. He locked eyes with the boy, holding the orange tiger-eyes firm whilst he opened his mouth, licked his lips, and took the pinkish head of Jian’s cock on his tongue. The boy whimpered, his lower lips shaking as Emmett sucked him down, leaning over the sofa now with the length of Jian’s erection in his mouth, hardening still further as he sucked. Emmett gave the boy the best imaginary head he could, massaging Jian with his strong tongue, hollowing his cheeks as he created pressure around the boy’s cock, sliding his wet lips up and down the tiger’s length until he could feel Jian’s breath coming in short frantic gulps. When Emmett looked up at him again, all the boy’s edges had gone gold again, and his pupils were dilated like saucers.

Jian’s fingers, still holding the book, loosened, and as the paper dropped to the floor, Emmett stepped back away from the vision and into his own body. He had the time to adjust his erection into a rather less obvious placement before Jian’s head snapped round to look at him. Just as Emmett had been, the boy looked dazed and confused and half wild with lust as he stared at the polar bear, and Emmett knew that whatever he had just done, it had worked.

“Good book?” he asked smugly. Jian’s snort of annoyance was like music to his ears, and Emmett decided whatever else happened that night, the little tiger was not getting away in the morning again without some kind of explanation.

*

It was snowing, thick flakes the size of pennies falling out of the clear blue sky. And that was strange, because when Emmett looked up, he couldn’t see a single cloud, and the breeze which gathered up the snow and tossed the flurries against his skin was warm. Under his feet, the snow was still as cold and chill as it should have been, but when he took a deep breath, there was salt and a warm scent like spiced oranges invading his senses along with the comforting chill scent of home. Emmett blinked, and took a better look around.

“Where are we?” Jian frowned as he glanced past Emmett’s shoulder, “are those mountains?”

Emmett looked down at the slender, tanned young man who stood holding his hand as though it was the most natural thing in the world. Jian was dressed in brightly patterned floral board shorts, and nothing else, and even though he was standing in the snow too, he didn’t seem cold. Emmett turned, and looked across the expanse of snow to the field of enormous ice boulders.

“No, that’s the arctic,” he smiled to himself, “polar ice caps.”

“Oh,” Jian smiled, as though this was a perfectly normal place for the two of them to find themselves, “odd that the beach is so close.”

“Huh?” the polar bear glanced back over his shoulder, and saw Jian was indeed correct, and that not four feet away the snow gave way to a bright stripe of golden sand, washed over by a diamond bright blue sea. Without thinking too much about it, he pulled the young man against his side and stroked finger tips down the furrow of his spine. “It’s pretty.”

“You wanna go swimming?” Jian tugged at their joined hands, “c’mon Xue!”

When Emmett glanced down, he found the vision hadn’t bothered to dress him: he also didn’t mind in the slightest. Jian apparently didn’t notice, or rather didn’t comment, as he let go of Emmett, dashed across the snow, jumped the sand bar and plunged into the shining sea. The sea laughed around him, delighted with his presence, and Emmett wondered where it was they had found themselves.

“Don’t think so hard, Xue!” Jian shouted from the sea, “Come and play!”

Emmett hadn’t spent a huge amount of time swimming without his fur, since usually the waters he swam in were half way towards being frozen and always colder than even he wanted to experience in less than substantial clothes, but Emmett found the water of their private beach warm and soft, and ticklishly bubbly.

“The sea likes you.” Jian stood chest deep in the water, droplets sparkling in his already shining hair.

“So it seems,” Emmett licked his lips as he stood, wiping his face with one hand, “it’s not salty.”

“Must be summer snow,” Jian replied: Emmett nodded, because at that moment, the phrase made perfect sense. They stood together in the warm sea and looked back across at the polar ice caps as the snow continued to fall on the beach. “I like it here.”

“Me too,” Emmett sighed.

“Smells like home,” they said together, then stared at each other. Jian took Emmett’ hand and the polar bear found his paw pressed over the boy’s heart.

“Rooaw woorl wrou.”

“I love you too,” Jian kissed his muzzle softly, and stroked his fingers through Emmett’s warm wet fur, “I don’t want to wake up.”

“Wrooam?”

“Because I’ve never been this happy before Xue-bear,” Jian swam into his arms, pressing against his chest. With the water buoying them up, it was strangely like being cuddled by a seal. “I want it to be like this always.”

Emmett blinked slowly, and then fastened his arms around Jian’s narrow frame, holding him tightly, tilting his head to bring their lips within millimetres of each other. For a moment, they shared the same breath.

“It can be little Tiger, just say the word.”

“Emmett…” Jian whispered.

*

They hit Emmett’s bedroom floor with a crash and thud, the mixed noises of two people rolling off the bed and hitting both each other and most of the furniture. Emmett was fairly certain he had shifted from fur to skin in the process, and caught himself just before his torso would have knocked all the breath from Jian. Not quick enough though, because as he finished coming to, Emmett tilted his head to look at his friend, and found Jian’s lips against his in the lightest and sweetest of feather touches. Emmett dissolved against him.

“Xue! Xue!” The boy pushed against his abdomen with small strong hands, “get off! I can’t breathe!”

“Sorry,” Emmett lifted himself from his companion, and blinked as his eyes adjusted to the soft morning light. “What was that?”

Jian took a breath, and Emmett found the boy staring at him with the most wondrous expression he had ever seen.

“I don’t care,” Jian breathed. Emmett searched for something appropriate to say, but couldn’t think of anything, and decided Jian had exactly the right idea when the little tiger reached up, took the Emmett’s jaw in one hand and pulled the two of them together for a kiss.

If Emmett had ever kissed anyone before and felt fireworks, then by comparison this was like the eruption of a volcano. Even the other times he had kissed Jian, real or imagined, paled against the force of that kiss. There was nothing, nothing at all, apart from the sensation of Jian’s lips against his own, the heavy beating of both their hearts in time, and the rich jasmine scent that filled Emmett up with every passing moment. Jian pushed against him, and Emmett ceded to the slender young tiger, ending up on his back in the mess and tangle of the duvet, Jian balanced above him and their lips still locked together as each opened up in want of exploration. Emmett could only tell Jian’s groan of pleasure apart from his own by pitch, and by the time they broke in order to draw breath, the sky outside seemed much lighter. Emmett ran his fingers down the furrow of Jian’s spine and the tiger purred like an enormous house-cat. He wrapped his hands around Jian’s narrow waist as he sat up, holding the young man in his lap as he did so. Jian wasted no time in re-joining the kiss, his tongue smooth and forceful in Emmett’s mouth, and the bear pulled the little tiger up hard against his chest. The heat and hardness of his own naked erection coming into contact with the bulge in Jian’s underwear made them both halt, panting desperately.

“Xue…”

“I love you,” Emmett fought his racing heart to find his voice and get the words out. He had to say it, here, now, in the perfect moment he had longed for, “I love you.”

“Yes,” Jian’s smile glowed like the crescent moon, “I know. I love you too.” He glanced down between their bodies and smiled; when the boy wiggled his hips, Emmett found himself groaning low. He bit his lip, and then grabbed Jian’s hand as he reached down south.

“No.”

“No?” Jian’s perfect smile vanished, and Emmett kissed him again until the sorrowful look passed from his face. He stroked Jian’s hair and the boy purred again in his ear: to Emmett it was the most wonderful noise he’d ever heard. “Why?”

“Not like this,” Emmett stroked the pad of one thumb over Jian’s plump lower lip, “not when we have to keep trying to be quiet. I want- I want it to be…”

“…perfect.” Jian finished for him, “OK. Deal: we’ll wait.” He looked thoughtful for a moment, “I can still kiss you whenever I want, right?”

Emmett’s heart beat a little faster: all of the well thought out and reasoned excuses he had kept for not wanting to be with Jian seemed like so much kindling in the fire of emotion in which he now found himself. It was as though he had waited for this his entire life.

“Always,” Emmett grinned.

“Awesome.”

*

It wasn’t until the following day once Emmett had loaded his truck onto the train, hugged his family goodbye, separated a mournful Jian and Ryley, then half crushed his little brother with his own bear hug, that he sat back and thought about the dream. He and Jian had spent a wonderful day teasing each other, stealing kisses and happy glances. Emmett had felt lighter in his heart than he had ever known, and every time he looked at Jian, it was as though the rest of the world just faded away a little bit. The little tiger was the centre of the universe, and Emmett couldn’t imagine being out of hearing range from him. As Jian snuggled happily into his shoulder, wrapping an arm over his abdomen, it dawned on Emmett that for at least the next five hours, he wouldn’t have to.

The train leaving Moosonee didn’t depart until near dusk, and it would be full night, and late, before they arrived in Cochrane. In years past Emmett had gotten in his truck and drove until his eyelids felt heavy, and then slept in the cab. Now, with Jian by his side, he had asked the train guard to telephone ahead and book them into the Cochrane traveller’s hotel.

He turned his head to nuzzle Jian’s felt-eared hood, and felt the not-tiger’s hug tighten.

“Hey little Tiger.”

“Hey Xue,” Jian bit his lip as he smiled. “I don’t suppose this train has a sleep car?”

“If it did, don’t you think we’d be there already?” Emmett chuckled, “no Tiger, they don’t have one. I have a question…”

“About the dream?” Jian cocked his head to one side, “was it a dream?”

“It must have been. There’s no place like that on earth.” Emmett frowned, and stroked the side of Jian’s face, “though if there was…”

“Yeah, I’d live there too,” Jian shrugged. “But it wasn’t all a dream was it? I mean, you were there, like really there. I could feel your hand in mine just like this,” he squeezed Emmett’s fingers gently. “It was more than just a dream.”

“Like a vision?”

“Well, yeah… do you think we could go back there?”

“Maybe, if we both want it enough.” Emmett paused, and then frowned at his companion. “About what you did in the grocery store…”

“Hey, you can’t complain about that!” Jian pushed at his shoulder, “you did much worse to me when I was trying to read.”

“But I didn’t even know it could be done!” Emmett gaped at his friend, “exactly how long have you known you could do that?”

“You remember the kiss?”

Emmett glowered.

“Which one?”

“Um,” Jian winced, “the very first one?” he volunteered. “I sorta didn’t mean to at first, it was kind of an accident. I didn’t really start trying until after you and,” Jian rolled his eyes, “whatever-his-name-was had broken up.”

Emmett blinked.

“All this time?”

“Don’t be mad!” Jian’s fingers found the hem of Emmett shirt, snuck underneath and pressed against his skin. Emmett relaxed into the touch, whatever anger he had felt dissolving away rather quickly. “I just… I wanted to be with you.”

“All this time?” Emmett repeated in a wondering tone.

“Yes, since the beginning. I could tell you were the one: I just knew.”

“I’ve been a total idiot, haven’t I?” Emmett sighed. He kissed Jian’s hair and rumbled happily as the boy transferred his weight and ended up mostly in Emmett’s lap, arms locked around his neck, kissing him fervently. When Emmett though of all the months they had wasted, he wanted to kick himself.

“Well, not a total idiot. Most of the time you were sweet and wonderful, and only generally frustrating.” Jian wriggled against him, and Emmett got the feeling the boy was pressing very deliberately into his crotch.

“Jian! We’re on a train!” Emmett hissed.

“Oh, I can do a lot worse to you than that.”

Just as Emmett was about to ask what he meant, Jian leant up and breathed in his ear. The warmth of the sensation pulled the polar bear in, and as a shiver of pleasure ran up his spine, Emmett was consumed by a vision of Jian, just as he was but very naked, in his lap, panting and writhing and-

Emmett snapped himself back out of the fantasy with a shock like being dropped into his seat and growled at the little tiger.

“That was mean.”

“Sorry.”

“How does it work?”

Jian shrugged.

“I don’t know. It just does. Try not to be so academic about it, at least for now.” Jian resettled himself, making Emmett’s shoulder into a pillow and fitting himself like a perfect piece of three-dimensional jigsaw against the body of the other man. “Just enjoy.”

Emmett was too comfortable to complain very much, and so he let the thread of the conversation drop. He listened to the noise of the train taking them southwards. He loved the train, because it was the only way in and out of the tiny town Emmett called his home, and its rumble was low and familiar, like a bear calling for company in the middle distance. Even so, as he closed his eyes, the polar bear dreamt of heading north. He had never seen the polar ice caps, which for a polar bear was sort of embarrassing, but Emmett had travelled farther north than anyone else in his family. In the dream-vision he had shared with Jian, Emmett had stood in the warm sea of Jian’s adoration, and looked longingly across at ice, hundreds of years old, rising up over the horizon. Now, just as much as he ever had before, the bear wanted to go and see it for himself.