Paper Walls - 19. Chapter 19

I lay back panting, looking over at him, and feel the cold air hit my sweaty body. It sends a chill through me. “That was fun,” I say, putting my hand on his chest.

He laughs. “Yeah… it was.”

“We need to keep doing this,” I tell him.

Callen leans up on one arm and looks at me. “Why, so you can keep kicking my ass in how fast you are?”

“Dude, I am just trying to get you running faster !” I tell him.

“Meh, I like slow and steady,” he teases.

“Perv!” I swat his chest.

He gives a halfhearted laugh and reties his shoe laces “I was scared that you were mad at me for a while.”

“Why?” I ask.

“Because I broke up with you.”

“It’s okay, man, I have just been busy lately. It’s been insane,” I tell him.

“I just needed you as a friend. I mean, I would love to have you as a boyfriend, just, I needed a friend to do things like this, and just get away with no pressure.” He sits up and wipes the sweat from his forehead.

I sit up. “I get it, man. I am in no way, shape, or form mad at you. I mean, we can still do stuff,” I tell him, and reach for the waistband of his shorts. He gets this mischievous look in his eyes as I pull the waistband down.

I slide my fingers down his compression shorts and cup his growing member, and he lets out a low moan. That’s when my phone starts ringing, and I realize whose tone it is. I pull my hand out of his shorts and grab my phone. “Yes sir?” I say, answering it.

“Where are you at?” Coach asks me.

“Taking a five minute break from running with Callen.”

“You have fifteen minutes, and you need to be home. Meet me out back - we are practicing,” he says.

“Yes sir.”

I hang up the phone. “Well, this will have to wait. I have to get back to the house,” I tell Callen.

“I figured. Well, I am gonna hang here for a bit. Call me later,” he says.

“I will. I won’t be able to hang out later today, I have plans, but let’s do this, maybe Sunday or so,” I tell him.

I shoot Tyler a text, telling him to pick me up in about an hour, since practice shouldn’t be that long with my dad.

The jog home wasn’t bad. It is nice out today, not too hot, had a slight breeze. I get home and grab a bottle of water, and run to my room real quick. I set out fresh clothes so I can shower and change as soon as we are done.

I walk out back to the yard, and my dad already has cones and everything set up.

“You’re late,” he says.

“Sorry, I was setting out clothes, so I can change when I go over to a friend’s later,” I tell him.

“Well, while you are doing that, I am sure your opponent will be looking for a way to take you down,” Coach says.

“Yes sir,” I mumble. I hate when he gets in these moods. They are rare, but when they do happen, it sucks to deal with him.

I line up on the cones, and when he blows the whistle I run the course. “That was sloppy. Do it again.”

I line back up and he blows the whistle and I run the course perfectly. I line back up, he blows the whistle and tosses me the ball, and I miss it. “Where is your head at, because it's obviously not on trying to be the best?”

I don’t say anything, just line back up and do it again and again ‘til it’s perfect, or up to his standards. Next comes practicing throwing the ball to the players. I can tell he is getting annoyed. I don’t know what pissed him off today, but he’s not happy with anything I am doing.

“Do you even want to make the playoffs? You begged me all summer to make you QB, and now here you are, and you can’t even perform like one.”

I am bent over, trying to catch my breath; it warmed up in the last hour. Mom comes out and offers us water. “Maybe you two should call it a day,” she says.

“I need to go get ready. Tyler should be here soon.” I say.

“You’re not going anywhere. Your foot work is sloppy, and you’re two seconds slow on the snap,” Coach says.

“But Dad, we already cleared it and all,” I say.

“You are definitely not going now!”

“Mom!” I say.

“Eric, come on, we had this all worked out,” she says.

“Cat, don’t start with me on this. He is being rude, and he can’t even execute a single play today.”

“You want to talk about being rude? I am never good enough for you!” I yell at him.

I know this catches both of them off guard. “I have never been good enough for you - at least, the normal teenage me! All you give a single damn about is the football star, Ryder Kessler. How can you stand there and preach character every day and act like you are mightier than thou! You try and teach us to be young men when you are worse than all of us! Nothing I do as Ryder the gay teenager is ever good enough for you! You don’t tell me that you are proud of me unless I have a stupid fucking football in my hand and I am at the end zone, and even then, you have some stupid remark about how I was a half second late on the snap, or I should have done this or that! I can’t help that I want a normal Saturday to go be a teenager,” I say, still yelling.

I can tell he is pissed. I have never actually stood up for myself. My mom comes between me and him. “Just go, Ryder,” she says.

I run into my room and throw my clothes into a bag, and run out to the front yard, where a silver car is in the driveway. I see the passenger door open, and Jaxson gets out and into the back seat. I walk to the car and get in.

“Hey, you okay?” Tyler asks.

I just shrug my shoulders. “I know this is weird, but can I shower at your house? I just got out of practice, and I didn’t want to keep you waiting,” I say, looking out the window.

“God, yes, I can smell you back here!” Jaxson says.

I don’t say anything to him, I just pick at my finger nails, and I can see Tyler looking at me from the corner of my eye. “Yeah, man.”

I feel my phone vibrate and I look at it. It’s Jeremy. “Dude, what the hell happened?”

Me: Me and Coach got into it.

Jeremy: Over what? They are fighting, and your mom asked me to crash at a friend’s place tonight. She said to text you and tell you she’s already talked to Dr. Decker?

Me: Wonderful. Ok I’ll talk to you later.

“Everything good?” Tyler asks.

“Yeah, so what’s going on for tonight?” I ask.

“Well, we can go to this party later. I mean, I don’t drink or anything, but it may be cool to see what’s going on,” he says.

“Can I go?” Jaxson asks.

“No!” Tyler says.

“Why not?”

“Because your mom would never allow it!” Tyler says.

“Yeah, well, I want to go!” he insists

“No,” Tyler says firmly. I watch his knuckles turn white from gripping the steering wheel.

“This is just ridiculous! I want to go. I never get to do anything, ever. You act like I am some little kid! I can do anything I want! It’s like all you want me to do is just be quiet, and not do anything fun!” he says, his voice cracking.

“Jaxson, that’s enough dude,” Tyler snaps, and lets out a sigh.

I look out the window, not really understanding what is actually going on between them. We finally pull up to a beautiful brick home with one of the greenest yards I have ever seen. Tyler barely puts the vehicle in park, and Jaxson flies from the back seat and into the house, slamming the door.

“I am so sorry,” Tyler says, looking at me.

“What just happened?” I ask.

“Jaxson, well, he is bipolar, and it’s one of his bad days. They are rare lately, but when they do happen, it gets extreme,” he says.

I nod my head like I understand, but I feel bad for the dude. “That sucks.”

“Yeah, it really does. Care to tell me why you are upset?”

“How do you figure I am?”

“You seem super tense, and you weren’t even ready when I got there.”

“My dad and I got into it. It was pretty bad,” I say, and leave it at that.

“Well, if you want to talk about it, I am here for you, man.”

I grab my bag of clothes and get out of the car, and follow Tyler up the brick path to the house. We enter the house, and the cool air hits my skin. It smells like vanilla. We are barely in the house, and Dr. Decker greets us from the couch. “Hey boys.”

“Hey,” Tyler says.

“Hi, Dr. Decker,” I say.

She laughs. “You can call my Kimberly. Besides, I am no longer treating you.”

“I thought you were going out of town. That’s what you told me the last session.”

“I was going to, but my husband took care of it. I was wanting to talk to you about me no longer being your therapist. I wanted to know how you felt about it?” she asks.

“Honestly?” I ask.

“Well, I would hope you would be honest.”

“I don’t think I was going to keep coming to you much longer anyway. I mean, nothing’s wrong, you helped me a lot, but I think I have a friend I can actually talk to about things,” I say and look at Tyler, whose cheeks light up.

Kimberly smiles. “That’s good to hear. So, I talked to your mom, and you will be staying the night with us. Is it okay if you bunk with Tyler tonight, if you are comfortable with that?”

I look at Tyler. “You okay with that?”

He stammers, “Y-yeah, I am good with it.”

“Hun, is everything okay at the house?”

“My dad and I got into a really heated fight, and then him and my mom got into it,” I tell her.

“I am sorry. Sometimes, it’s just stress. I am sure everything is going to be fine. It you would like to talk about it tonight, we can.”

“I am going to show him my room, and then is Dave going to be back soon, so can I introduce him?” Tyler asks.

“He won’t be back ‘til later tonight. Do you boys have anything planned?”

“Wanted to stop by a party if it was cool?”

“Where is it?”

“Jennifer’s, just up the block, actually,” he says.

“Moreno?” she asks.

“Yeah,” he says.

“That’s fine. Why don’t you go show Ryder your room, and the bathroom. Sorry, Ryder, I can smell you from here, kid. Go shower,” she says, smiling.

I blush and look at my feet. “Sorry, I didn’t have time to shower after practice.”

I follow Tyler up the stairs to his room, and his is the first door on the right. I walk in, and it’s a nice calming blue color on the walls. It smells like his cologne. His bed is in the corner, all made up, and a TV is mounted on the wall, with a shelf with books, movies on it. The one thing that strikes me is that his walls are bare. “Why do you not have anything on the walls?”

“Only thought it was a temporary thing, so when it became official, I just, I don’t know, got used to it.”

“Like, it’s so clean in here. My room is a total mess,” I say.

He laughs. “I like to keep my room clean.”

“So, where is the shower? I don’t want to keep stinking,” I tell him.

“Oh, sorry, right through that door. I have my own bathroom!” he says excitedly.

*Tyler*

 

I mentally facepalm myself. I feel like such a dork. He closes the door, and I lean against my dresser and let out a breath of air. He smelled so sexy - I could smell his deodorant mixed with his sweat. Weird, I know, but I wanted to kiss him so bad and hard! I hear the shower start, and I grab my phone, and I text Jason.

Jason: What’s up?”

Me: Dude! You will never guess who is here and spending the night with me!

Jason: No idea with you….

Me: Dude, it’s Ryder!

Jason: The kid that had that breakdown from the hangout? The really hot one?

Me: He had a panic attack, man, he is in a new environment. I really like him. He’s coming with me to Jen’s tonight! I want you to be nice to him!

Jason: I am always nice!

Me: No, you’re not!

Jason: I’m just protective!

Me: Well, could you just be my best friend, instead? I think Jaxson has the whole protective part down.

Jason: He having a bad day?

Me: Yeah, it’s one of the worst ones I have seen in a long time.

I hear the door open and I look up. Ryder is standing there in his boxers, and I swear my breath catches. “Um… where are the towels, so I can get one ready for when I get out?” he asks as he picks at his fingers nails.

I have to pry my eyes off his bare sculpted stomach, and the bulge in his compression boxers leaves nothing to my imagination! “Oh yeah. They are, um, right here. Let me grab you one,” I say, moving past him and into the bathroom.

I open the cabinet door, and take a towel down for him. I hand it to him, and I can’t help but take one last look at him. He has a hand rubbing his stomach. I think he is doing it unconsciously. He grabs the towel. “Thanks. I didn’t want to like, go through your stuff,” he says.

I shake my head. “It’s no problem.”

I walk out of the bathroom and shut the door. I have to readjust myself because I can feel myself getting hard. I go back to my phone and try to take my mind off the images that have burned themselves into my head.

Me: I just saw him in nothing but compression boxers… oh my god… he is like a walking orgasm.

Jason: You have it bad for this dude, huh?

Me: Yes…

I go to Jaxson’s room and knock on the door. “What!” I hear.

I open the door, and he is looking in his closet. “What are you doing?”

“I was going to ask what I should wear. I’m able to go if me and Seth both go, right?” he asks.

“Go where?” I ask.

“The party! I want to look good,” he says, picking out a shirt.

“Jaxson, I don’t think it would be a good idea for you to go.”

“Why, so you can fuck Ryder?” he yells at me.

“Whoa, dude, he’s just a friend. You need to calm down a bit, man.”

“No, that’s all it is. You don’t want me around so you and Ryder can fuck, and knowing you, so you can pop pills!”

I literally bite my tongue before I say something that will hurt him, “Jaxs, look man, it’s just not a good idea for you to go tonight.”

He gives me the most hateful glare, “You don’t even care about me! That’s fine . Go fuck Ryder, and maybe both of you will OD on pills, ‘cause that’s what you love to do, right? You’re a fucking pill popper! Here, why don’t you take mine?!” he moves to his dresser and throws a pill bottle at me.

“Jaxson….”

“Jaxson! That is enough of the ridiculousness! I said you couldn’t go to this party, not Tyler!” Kim says from the doorway.

I walk past Kim, and she tries to grab my arm. “It’s fine,” I tell her, pulling away.

“I will deal with you in a minute, Jaxson,” she says, and follows me back to my room. “Tye… he’s in a very manic state.”

I am trying to hold back the anger. “I know that,” I tell her.

“Honey, come here.” She pulls me into a tight hug. “I know it’s a challenge that you face every single day. You have been sober for so long. Things aren’t how they were before you came here. You are safe, loved, and looked after. I know I can’t use Jaxson’s moods as an excuse, but sweetheart, you know he didn’t mean that. He loves you so much.”

I push out of the hug. “I said I am fine.”

She pulls me back into the hug, “Stop deflecting. I know his words stung, baby. I am proud of you, and how much you have done to improve your life.”

“It sucks, it really sucks, and it’s hard!” I tell her and my voice cracks.

She pulls my head into her body, and I can’t help but cry. “It’s okay, baby.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumble.

“Nothing to be sorry for. Jaxson will apologize once he’s stabilized.”

“He doesn’t have to,” I say, breaking our embrace and wiping my face.

We hear something hit Jaxson’s wall, and Kim lets out a sigh, I roll my eyes

“Okay. I am going to get him to calm down. You heading out soon?”

“Yeah, when Ryder is done with the shower, I am gonna get dressed.”

“Okay, sweetheart, if you need anything, just let me know.”

I close the door after she leaves, and I grab a different pair of jeans out of my closet, and slide the ones I have off. I pull them up just as Ryder is coming out of the bathroom. “Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” I say, not facing him, trying to control the anger and shame, so it doesn’t show on my face.

“You changed jeans?” he asks.

“Yeah, I like these a little better,” I say, turning around, and he moves his eyes away from me and blushes.

“How was your shower?”

“Refreshing, actually,” he says, brushing his wet hair from his face.

He sits on my bed to put on a clean pair of socks, and I can’t help but stare at him. “I thought we would head over when you’re ready.”

“Hey… what I am wearing - it looks good, right?” he asks.

I look at him. He has on jeans that hang on his hips and a simple black v-neck shirt. “Yeah, you look really good.”

“Okay, cool,” he says and smiles. “You look good, too.”

We walk out of the room and I shut the door. “So, is there gonna be anyone that I met at this party or no?”

“Yeah, Jason and Rex are going to be there. You know they are dating, right?” I ask.

“I figured that out when they were holding hands,” he says.

I nod, and lead him out the door. “So, do you have a boyfriend?” I ask.

“You know I don’t have one!” he says.

“Ah, I was just checking,” I say, putting my hands in my pockets, even though I did know that.

“What about you?”

I shake my head. “No, I have been single for a bit,” I say, laughing.

“Why? You never told me about that and why Jaxson was being so protective of you.”

“My last boyfriend was a complete asshole to me. He knew a little about my past and well… promise not to judge me?”

He rolls his eyes. “Didn’t we cover this last time? I know that you tried to commit suicide by taking pills and all.”

“The problem is, when I said my mom was a pill popper, I lied. I was.” I say, not being able to look at him.

“So you had an addiction?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I say, still not looking up from my feet.

“Do you still have an addiction?” he asks.

I shake my head. “No, but my last boyfriend tempted me and I made a slip up. I did pop some and I regret it. I regret the things he made me do. That’s why Jaxson is protective of me.”

“Tyler, promise me one thing,” he says.

“Yeah?”

“Never lie to me again,” he says, stopping me, grabbing my arm. “Like ever again. I like you, and I think you are really cool, and you get me. You don’t try to watch what you say around me. You just have this inability to tell the truth around me.”

“I’m sorry. It’s because I care what you think,” I tell him.

“Why? I am just some stupid teenager like you, who is pretty messed up from my past, as well.”

“I don’t know, just, your opinion matters to me.”

“Well, promise, no more lies?”

“I solemnly swear!” I say, smiling.

I can hear the music outside as we are walking up the driveway. “Sounds like it’s already kicking off,” Ryder says, looking over at me.

“Yeah, you nervous?” I ask.

“Nah, I’ve done parties before.”

I lead him to the back gate, where I know the party is in full swing. I open it, and pull him into the back yard. As I figured, a bunch of people were already there.

“Tye!” I hear, and I spot Jason and Rex.

“Come on,” I say, pulling Ryder with me.

Jason pulls me into a hug. I have known him for a while. He is like a brother to me. He has pretty blue eyes and really light blonde hair, plus his swimmer’s build makes him cute.

 

Rex pulls me into a hug next. Rex has blonde hair and green eyes that always get him into trouble. He has a football build. He is a good guy, and is madly in love with Jason. “Glad you decided to come!”

“Yeah, it was a last minute deal. Hey, you both remember Ryder, right?”

“Yeah, what’s up, man?” Jason says, extending his hand.

“Hey!” Ryder says, shaking hands with him.

“What’s up man?” Rex says, pulling him into a hug.

“Do you play football?” Ryder asks.

“Dude, fuck yeah!”

I laugh and look over at Jason. “I am sure we just lost both of them.”

Jason rolls his eyes. “Fuckin’ jocks!” he says, laughing.

I watch, as Ryder seems so comfortable with Rex, and they are talking animatedly about sports.

“Yo, they have a football over there! Ryder and I are going to go join the other guys!” Rex says.

Ryder looks at me expectantly, like I need to give him permission. “Go for it. Me and Jason are going to be over here just chillin’.”

“What was that about?” Jason asks, as they leave.

“I don’t know. I know Ryder’s dad is pretty strict on him.”

“So, did you finally tell him you are head over heels for him?”

We move toward some chairs, and sit down. A few people pass by us and give us hugs, and chat for a minute. “Well, kind of, not so much. I don’t want him to think like I am a stalker,” I say.

“Dude, you are completely obsessed with him!”

“I know! I just, I don’t know, have you ever seen someone and you’re just like, he has to be the one?”

“Yes, dumbass, when I met Rex, I knew he was for me.”

“Duh, of course. So how are you and him?”

“We are great. We mainly are at my house. His parents are cool with it, but we don’t want to push it too much,” he says.

“Yeah, I can understand that. I mean, I am happy for the two of you, that they are at least coming around to it,” I say.

“How is everything at your house?”

“Jaxson threw my pill addiction in my face earlier, along with his bottle of pills,” I say.

“Oh shit… dude, are you okay?”

I shrug my shoulders. “I mean, it’s true.”

Jason pulls me into a hug. “That was true for the old you, but you haven’t popped any pills or anything. Hell, you don’t even drink! It’s fucked up, what he said, but you know he’s fighting his demons, as well.”

“Yeah, I know, but I am always going to be fighting the urge to pop pills when I get stressed or anything. I don’t want to be that person ever again, but I am scared,” I tell him.

“That’s why you have me, Rex, Dr. Decker, and I think Ryder would be a constant stable for you.”

“I don’t know, I think I fucked that all up,” I tell him.

“How so?”

“I lied to him, and said my mom was the one with addiction. I just told him earlier that it was me. I just didn’t want him to think I was not good enough, ya know? I am just stupid about it.”

“I think you are overthinking shit, because he keeps looking over at you, and smiles every time.

I look over and I do catch him looking at me. He grins and blushes, and turns back to the game.

“So have you and Rex… you know…?” I ask.

“Have we what?” he asks.

“Have y’all… you know, done it?”

“Had sex?” he asks.

“Yeah?”

Even though it’s dark out, I can tell he is blushing. “Yeah, we have.”

“What? Really? How was it?”

He laughs. “It was awkward at first. Neither of us knew what we were doing, but now it’s good. We just, I don’t know how to describe it. Like, it was awkward at first. You know how it just slips in during a porn scene, it’s totally not like that,” he says.

“So it wasn’t fun?” I ask.

“No, like at first, it’s like you have to be careful, so you don’t hurt them, but yeah, it gets better after the first time. I mean, I’m not going to lie. Neither of us lasted long at all,” he says.

“That’s insane,” I say.

“Wait, you’ve never had sex?”

I shake my head. “No.”

“I thought you and your ex?”

“No! We never fully had sex - just blow jobs and stuff. He wanted more, but I didn’t,” I say.

“Makes sense,” he says.

Jen makes her way over. “Hey, you two!”

“What’s up, Jen?”

“Just playing the perfect host, as always. Are you boys drinking tonight?”

“No way,” I tell her.

“No, I am good. I could use a bottle of water,” Jason says, getting up.

“Grab me one, too,” I say.

Jen sits at the end of the beach chair. “So, how are you?”

“Good. How are you, and of course, nice party,” I tell her.

“Thanks, it’s not bad, but I am exhausted. I wanted to stop by earlier, but I kept having to do things like find more cups, and make sure we don’t run out of alcohol,” she says, pushing her red hair back.

“It’s all good. I get it. You are a busy lady.”

“So who was the hottie you brought with you?”

“Ryder, he is a friend of mine,” I tell her.

“Just a friend, huh?” she says with a smirk.

“Yes, just a friend,” I tell her.

“If you say so! I will catch up with you later. I gotta go make my rounds,” she says.

Jason comes back over. “Hey dude, you might want to get Ryder.”

“Why, what’s up?”

“He’s speaking another language and knocking back shots of vodka,” he says.

“What?” I say, getting up.

We walk over where there are about ten people gathered around, and sure enough, Ryder is taking shots, and shouting out in another language, and tossing the ball back and forth.

Rex stumbles over to us. “Dude, this guy is wild!”

Jason gives him a look. “Come on. we need to go. You’re drunk.”

“Just a bit!” Rex says, kissing his nose, and I can tell from the look on Jason’s face he isn’t impressed.

“Ryder, come on, we need to go,” I tell him.

He shrugs me off. “Come on, man.”

“No, we need to go now, man,” I tell him.

He looks at me and gives me this goofy smile. “Fine.”

He stumbles into me, and I catch him and put an arm around him. I have to help guide him out of the back yard. “Hey, you okay?” I ask.

He looks at me and smiles. “You so cute.”

I know he is drunk, but I can’t help it- my heart flutters. “Ryder, how much did you drink?”

“I don’t know, a ton,” he slurs.

“Well, come on, man, we have a little bit of a walk,” I tell him.

“Well, I have you to help me, so I’m fine.”

I want to say more to him, but I have no idea what to ever talk to him about. “You know this is my first time drunk,” he says, looking at me.

He has this huge lazy smile on and I want to kiss him so bad. “You don’t drink?”

“NO! Coach says no drinking, Coach says no soda, Coach says no candy, Coach says NO to everything. Well, fuck you, Coach, I am doing what I want!” he says loudly, flipping off the road.

“Ryder, you gotta keep your voice down, man, it’s late,” I tell him.

He puts a finger on my lips and shushes me. “You’re being too loud!”

I can’t help but laugh, and this causes him to laugh, as well. I finally get him into the house quietly and to my room, and shut the door. He leans against my dresser, looking at me. He looks like he is going to tip forward, so I move in front of him and help push him back upright.

“It’s not fair, how tall you are compared to me,” he says, looking up at me. Before I can respond, he hops onto my dresser, so he is more level with me, and just smirks.

“Ryder, come on, get down, dude, you are going to fall,” I tell him.

He takes off his shirt, and I can’t help but look at his smooth chest and beautiful stomach. “Come here,” he says.

He pulls me by the shirt and he kisses me hard on the lips. I open my mouth to the kiss and he slips his tongue into my mouth. He pulls me closer to him. I can taste the vodka on his tongue, but I am so lost in him right now, it doesn’t bother me.

He tugs at my shirt and I take it off, breaking the kiss. I go to kiss him, and he lunges to my nipple, swirling his tongue around it, and I let out a groan. I run my hands across his bare torso, playing with his nipples. He moves up and kisses me on the neck and nibbles on me, and I can’t help the shivers that run up my spine.

He slides off the dresser and I step back, and he pushes down his jeans, leaving him in his boxers. Before I can react, he is unbuckling my belt and pushing my jeans down, as well. He pushes me back on my bed and straddles me, and kisses me hard. He works his way down to my neck and to my chest, and before I know what he is doing, he is sucking on my chest. I move my hands down his back, and grab his bubble butt with both of my hands through his boxers. He lets out a primal moan and sucks harder.

He snakes his hand down into my boxers, and grabs my hard cock. I let out a loud moan, and pull his face up and kiss him. “You so big,” he breathes in between breaths.

He works his hand up my rock hard cock, and I grab his hard cock through his boxers, and he moans and grinds against my hand. “I want you so bad,” he whispers.

He starts to pull the front of my boxers down. I stop him. “No.”

I turn my body, causing him to roll off me. “What are you doing?” he says.

I sit up and put my head in my hands. can’t believe I went this far with him. I finally calm down enough. “Ryder, we can’t do this. Not like this! You are drunk, and yes, I want to explore your whole body, but I can’t do it like this,” I say, looking at him.

He is sound asleep, with his arm over his eyes. I let out a sigh, look down at my tented boxers, and just shake my head at myself. I get up and move him, so his head is resting on a pillow, and I move a trash can to the side of the bed. I look down, and I am still rock hard, and I feel shame wash over me. I hit the lights and crawl over him, kiss him on the cheek, and lay my head down. I am not expecting him to move towards me and put his head on my chest, and move his body against mine. I don’t know, but it feels just right, the warmth of his body mixing with mine. I put my arm around him, and before I know it, I am falling asleep.