Beards - 3. Chapter Three

I jumped awake in a cold sweat. Barely able to see anything. The room was pitch black around me. What time was it? 4:36. Ugh. A tiny green light flashed on my phone. Someone had texted me. Probably was Rob again.

Rob: Listen man. I’m not mad. I want you to trust me, okay? You can literally talk to me about anything and it’s not going to change us. Anything. Just talk to me, okay? I’ll see you in class.

“Goddamn.” I spoke to my empty room as if it might answer me. “What is happening?”

Nothing but silence. The moon was high in sky outside my window, casting silver light into the room as I pulled the curtains open. Everything was still and quiet outside. Very much unlike my thoughts. Kicking into overdrive I couldn’t turn it off. Rob knew my secret.

I don’t know how but he did. Our conversation made that pretty clear. How did he found out? Probably all the staring I did. Drool running down my face as I watched him. More than likely it gave me away. I needed to talk to Ava. Maybe she could help me figure this out.

But then I would have to tell her my secret too. The one thing I’ve tried to keep to myself. It was time. It would be out eventually anyway. Our new lives away from Meadowbrook would only be different if I was honest with myself and with my friends.

Not Rob though. Not yet at least.

The moon disappeared as the sun took its place. Too late to try and go back to bed. Classes started in an hour anyway. Warm water hit me in the face as I stepped into the shower, washing away all my turbulent thoughts. Showers were the best when I had a lot on my mind. Everything seemed clearer and focused when I was under the spell of the water.

It was Friday and Ava almost always wanted to drink. Rob worked the overnight on Fridays so it would be just us at her house. Her parents spent the weekend with her grandma across town since the home nurses only worked Sunday night through Friday morning. Perfect time to be out with my secret. Pun intended.

Meadowbrook Community College. Four buildings in total spread out over two acres of lands. It was the newest looking thing in town. Apparently they hired an architect from New York City to design it.

Each building had a modern look, very artsy and weirdly shaped. Even the courtyard that connected everything together had a funky look to it. Weird potted plants. Modern Art sculptures that didn’t make any sense but apparently represented things about our town history.

Even though it was crazy and weird, I loved it. It was the only part of Meadowbrook that felt like somewhere else. Like I was almost already out in the real world. Sitting on one of the granite benches outside of the Arts and Sciences building I waited for Ava to finish her class.

“Jesus Christ. I can’t wait to go to a real school. I know more than this professor about art.” Ava waltzed out, already pissed off after a day of classes. It worked perfect for my plan. “What are we doing tonight?”

“Drink.” Trying to remain neutral sounding as I said it. Too much excitement and she would get suspicious.

“Yesssss.” She stretch out her s’s like a snake hissing. It would be perfect.

Rob joined us as we walked through the courtyard towards the dining hall for lunch. Our tuition paid for five meals a week and we made sure to take advantage of it. Even though the food sucked it was part of our routine. Out of the corner of my eyes, Rob kept looking at me. Quick glances before he thought I noticed him and looked away.

“Boys. What’s going on?” Ava disrupted my thoughts. “Neither of you acknowledge my awesome story I just told.”

I hadn’t even heard it. Nothing was getting through to me today. Classes went by in a blur. Rob cheeks turned pink.

“Sorry Ava. I got distracted by something.” He shot me a discreet look before giving her his undivided attention. “Tell your story again.”

Immediately I tuned out again, something Ava noticed but ignored. Rob was acting so weird. Ava nudged me under the table.

“What?” I blurted out without thinking.

“I asked you a question. What is going on with you today?” She was getting pissed. I knew Ava pretty well and when she talked, you listened. Or else.

“Sorry, I have a lot on my mind.” It was true but not a good enough excuse for Queen Ava.

“God. You two are gonna be the death of me.” Without another word, Ava left us both at the table and went to her last class of the day.

It was so uncomfortable. I was hoping things would be normal between us today but apparently he wasn’t going to let out conversation go.

“Why you being weird, man?” Why was I being weird? Look who’s talking.

“I could ask you the same.”

Rob bore into my soul with his eyes. “I’m not. I just want you to talk to me. I don’t get why you won’t open up to me.”

“Rob, I told you. You know all there is to know about me. I’m not hiding anything I promise.”

“Bullshit, man. I know you better than you think. Someday you’ll open up to me. Until then I don’t know if I want to talk to you.” Rob jumped up and left me alone too. My thoughts eating away at my brain slowly. A most painful demise.

History of Business. My least favorite class of course had to be my last class of the week to sit through. It made it even more awful as the clocked slowly ticked announcing my freedom. Rob sat beside me, still not speaking to me. Or even looking at me now. Great. No wonder people don’t come out. Even when you’re in the closet people get annoyed with your lifestyle. Does it ever truly get better? Those commercials say it does.

“All right ladies and gentleman. I’m going to stop here today. Most of you are barely conscious anyway. Have a great weekend.”

Before Professor Andre even finished his sentence people ran for the door. Practically stampeding over each other to get away. I wish Professor Andre would teach something else because I genuinely like him but the subject was sooooo boring.

Out of respect, I tried to not join the herd and stuck back as everyone exited. Everyone but Rob. Of course.

“Are we really not going to talk?” His silence was driving me insane. Like truly, madly, deeply. Rob grunted a noncommittal sound.

“Okay, well I’m really sorry. I guess.” Still nothing. Professor Andre had even left the room. Just me and Rob alone. And awkward.

I turned to leave but Rob grabbed my arm, holding me still. “It’s cool. I get it. Okay?”

No, not okay. Especially if he really got it. Before I could say anything he pulled me close and gruffly hugged me. It was like being held by a bodybuilder. His chest was chiseled and the muscles hard. Compared to him I felt like a child with my puny, baby muscles. “I’ll see you tomorrow. You know the drill.”

I needed a minute. My body felt like it was not ready to face the public yet. Especially certain anatomy. Hopefully, Rob hadn’t felt that. It was getting harder to keep my secret. Literally.

Ava was probably looking for me by now. Deep breaths.

“Where have you been?” I barely left the room before Ava ran up to me. “Rob came through like five minutes ago.”

“I-uh had to finish some work for class?” I wasn’t very good at lying when push came to shove. It sounded more like a question.

“Mhmm.” See? “I wanna get fucked up. Let’s get out of here.”

I could already tell I was going to regret this night.