Beards - 5. Chapter Five

“Ugh.” I slowly opened my eyes and found myself in the same spot. Ava was playing on her phone beside me. “What time is it?”

Ava jumped. “Shit. Don’t scare me!”

“Sorry. Did I pass out?” My phone pulsed in my pocket. My parents knew I was at Ava’s so they wouldn’t text me. Only one other person would be. I was definitely not ready for that.

“Yeah, man. I think we went a lil too hard. Even for me.” Ava’s face was red and blotchy still. Mine probably was too. “You ready to talk more?”

Did we have too? “Yeah. Sure.” Hopefully she would notice the hesitation.

“Okay, good. I have a plan to make this work for both of us.” I could see the evil gears turning in her mind.

“Huh? Make what work?”

Ava pretended as if I hadn’t just spoke. “Clearly we can’t be gay in this town. Completely impossible. Shit would completely hit the fan.”

My phone in my pocket kept drawing my attention. Something told me I needed to check it. But still Ava had me intrigued.

“Okay, so what does that have to do with us?” My mind was still groggy. Or maybe she just wasn’t making any sense yet.

“Let’s date each other!” Ava sat beaming like her proclamation solved all the world’s problems.

“What the fuck?” The words slipped out before my mind could process.

Ava’s smiled faded and she looked like she was ready to punch me. Was she crazy? What would that do?

“Don’t you get it? We become each other’s beards. We make it through this year and then we can be whoever we want to be when we’re free. Keeps our parents off our backs about not seeing anyone and keeps everyone else from talking too. It’s a perfect plan.”

Maybe to her. Everything sounded horrible about it. No good could from it. Unless… maybe she was right.

“So we pretend to date, people think we’re straight and leave us be?” Ava beamed more.

“Exactly!”

“Problem.” I was always a Negative Nancy. It was in my blood. “What if there is someone we like? What if they secretly are the same way and they hate us?”

I tried to hide that this was all about Rob. Ava would never let me live it down. Ava pondered for a second. I knew her too well. She always had some kind of crazy answer for everything. No matter how ridiculous it was. “Well, we cross that bridge later.”

Not the answer I was looking for. I need facts and evidence to back up her claim that this would work out. But I was running out of steam. It would be nice to appear normal for a while. Mom and Dad would love it. They always asked if I had a girlfriend and then why not when I told them no. Maybe it would give me time to figure out Rob too. “I don’t know, Ava. It sounds insane.”

“That’s why it’s gonna work. Trust me. Just say yes. Please?” Ava practically begged, something she rarely did. You either gave in or she beat it out of you. She must mean business here.

“Fine. I’m your boyfriend?” Ava jumped from her seat and tackled me with a hug. We both toppled to the floor, laughing like two crazy people.

After untangling from each other, my phone vibrated again in my pocket. Moment of truth. I couldn’t ignore Rob forever.

Rob: Hey man. Work sucks. Come visit me.

Rob: I’m gonna let it slide that you didn’t let me know you made it home.

Rob: Just this once. You’re lucky

God. Was he being flirty? Or am I just crazy? Probably the later. Ava glanced up, scrutinizing my face as I read the messages a second and third time. While she watch, I scanned the messages for any kind of subtext.

“Who are you talking to, babe?” Ava shot a sly grin in my direction.

“Who else? I only have one other friend.” My heart pounded in my chest. Ava was a meddler, especially when it came to me. She had to know about my feelings already. Probably before I did. “He texted me a couple times during our dramatic moment.”

“Aww he loves you. Let me see!” I quickly pulled my phone out of reach before she grabbed it.

“Mind your business.” I shot her a dirty look, trying to look intimidating.

“That’s not very nice boyfriend.”

Kill me now. I already was regretting this beard plan. I quickly typed something and hit send before Ava could see it. I knew she would judge anything I said.

Me: I got so drunk so fast, sorry man.

Me: Thanks for the free pass though. I owe you one

I had to try and play things cool. Real subtle like. Dropping little hints beneath the radar and seeing what Rob picked up on. Ava left me be, cranking the music in the other room while I patiently waited for a response. Something I was not good at. Finally.

Rob: You bet your sweet ass you do.

Did he just mention my ass? I really was crazy. Too much booze was clouding my judgement. Before I could even process more texts came through.

Rob: Hang out Sunday?

Rob: I won’t accept no for an answer.

Was this real life? Rob never wanted to hang out just the two of us. I felt like I was becoming part of some teen romantic comedy. Ava and I being beards, Rob asking me to hang out. What crazy hijinks would happen next?

Me: Yes. As if I have a choice. Haha.

The universe swallowed the text and I was left alone with my thoughts. Ava kept dancing and singing. I had a “girlfriend” now. A boy asked me to hang out and my mind was in overdrive reading way too much into it. I was going to throw up. Literally.

My face rested on the trash can as Ava wandered back into the kitchen, laughing like a lunatic.

“Boy, you can’t handle your booze anymore. What happened?” I wanted to hit her. And hug her.

“Just being a lil bitch as you’d say.” Ava nodded in agreement.

“Damn right. I’m inviting Claudia over, is that cool?” Claudia, the elusive fourth in our friend circle, also happened to be Ava’s neighbor. The two had been friends since diapers.

Claudia always was doing some kind of activity. Volunteering, playing a sport, music lessons. She was the girl in high school that was involved in everything. Unlike most people, she just never left it behind.

“Yeah that’s fine. Maybe she’ll keep you occupied.” Ava smiled. A goofy grin I had never seen on her before.

“I hope so.” She even winked.

Ahh. It made sense. Claudia was Ava’s secret love. I would have to remember that when my head was clear again.

“Buck up, buttercup! We got more shots to do.” Ava started pouring before I could protest. My pocket pulsed again.

Rob: Can’t wait

Heaving myself off the ground took all my strength but I needed the shot.

“Salud.” Our glasses clinked together as another shot burnt down my throat. Life was about to get a lot more interesting.

Me: :):):)