Beards - 2. Chapter Two

Mom and Dad were sitting at the table, mumbling about bills and money in hushed tones as I walked in the door. They never liked to talk about finances in front me. Something that scared me. Their money was my ticket out of here. Without our deal I was stuck. What little I saved from serving at the 24/7 would be lucky to buy me groceries for a week.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. Probably Rob waiting for his text. It would have to wait a minute. “Hey guys. I’m home.”

Mom practically fell out of her chair. “Holy crap, Bryan. Don’t scare your mother like that.” Dad was howling with laughter beside her, reaching out to steady her before she actually did fall.

“You gotta remember your Mom is sensitive.” You could practically could hear the air quotes. Mom slapped him hard in the arm even though she was all smiles.

I talked a lot of shit about them but my parents weren’t completely awful. Just the hardcore Republicanism and homophobia. Nothing big. Sigh. “So what’s all this?”

Papers and receipts were scattered all across the table. Each of them had a calculator that looked like they were around since before I was born. Pencils and random notes were beside them.

“Just going over all the finances. You’re almost done with school so we want everything to be in order.” Mom curtly answered, all the laughter aside.

“Everything okay? That’s a lot of papers and some pretty intense scribbles going on.”

“It’s fine. We’re on track.” Both of them gave me a weary look signaling the end of the conversation, whether I want it to be or not.

“Alright. I’m going to work on my homework before bed. Keep living out your accounting dreams.” I said with a smile and quick laugh. Trying to break the sudden tension.

It was easier than trying to argue with them about things. I know they didn’t want me to leave but I couldn’t stay in this town. Not for one minute longer than I had to. I needed my freedom. I needed somewhere where I could be myself. My true authentic self. My gay self. Not this façade of a person I was.

Another pulse in my pocket. Almost panic time.

Rob: You home yet?

Rob: Hello?

Why was he like this? It only made it more difficult for me to get over my crush of him. Ever since I met him it was love at first sight. He walked into our class and my face was immediately flush. I started sweating and could barely breathe. And of course he sat down right next to Ava and me. Like it was destiny from the start he was going to be part of our clique.

Another text light up my phone.

Rob: Panic mode is about to activated.

Me: Disengage. I’m home safe and sound. Parents were going over the finances and we had to have a chat. I’m worried.

Since the first day we met, all of us had been pretty much inseparable. Rob got us our jobs at the 24/7 so we could spend more time together and start saving for our futures. We threw parties at our houses when our parents were away. Went to most of the same classes at school. Pretty much everything we did we were all together.

As much as I hated it, he and Ava would probably make an awesome couple. They both didn’t care what people thought of them and they shared an uncensored mouth. Whatever popped into their heads they vocalized. The sexual tension between them was unbearable sometimes at work.

It’s okay though. I would still have Rob as a friend so I could love him from a distance like always. Maybe once I was out of Meadowbrook. I’d find a guy just like him but gay. That would be the dream.

Rob: What’s wrong? You still need to tell me about this afternoon.

Still beating that dead horse. Even Ava asked me about it again when I dropped her off.

Me: That was nothing. Some douche just called me a queer. No big deal.

Before I could even set my phone down, texts started pouring in.

Rob: What!?

Rob: Why didn’t you tell me?

Rob: I would have killed them.

Rob: Tell me these things!!

Rob: I’m glad Ava kicked them out

What did he want me to do? Tell the boy that I loved that I was a queer? Ruin our friendship and make this town even more unbearable. It wasn’t going to happen. The less he knows the better.

Me: Because it wasn’t a big deal to me. Just some idiot with a big mouth. I didn’t want Ava to know either. She forced it out of me.

There was a long pause as the this person is typing icon flashed on the screen. Why couldn’t everyone just drop it? I was the gay one and I just wanted to forget about it. It was Meadowbrook. If you even momentarily acted in some way that could be considered gay they called you names.

Rob: Do you not trust me or something?

Wow. What a slap to the face. Why would he think that? Of course I trusted him. They were the only two people I trusted with my whole life. At least almost my whole life.

Me: Of course I do. Why are you asking that?

Another pause.

Rob: Because you don’t talk to me about things like this. Do you think you can’t tell me like sensitive things? I’m not a complete asshole you know.

Me: I know you’re not. I wasn’t gonna tell anyone. We talk about sensitive things all the time.

Rob: No we don’t. You and Ava do. You kind of just brush by those things with me. Like you don’t want me to get to know you or something.

Our whole conversation was starting to make me feel uneasy. Uncomfortable in my own skin. My room felt like it was shrinking in around me.

Me: What do you mean Rob? We talk. Everything I tell her, I tell you.

Rob: Whatever man. There’s something you’re not telling me, and maybe not telling Ava too, and I don’t like it. I care about you dumbass. Just tell me.

My phone felt like it was on fire. I tossed it onto my bed, my head swimming. My breathing was shallow and I wanted to puke. Is this what a panic attack felt like? Was Rob implying what I thought he was? Literally, that would be the end of my life. Everything would be over. I had to throw him off the trail somehow. I needed a plan.

Me: If there was something to tell, I would honestly tell you Rob. I promise.

Rob: Sure.

Shit. Rob was never one for one word messages. He was too talkative to waste a message with one word. I pissed him off, but at least it bought me some time.

My homework lay forgotten on my desk. Dad and Mom were still talking about money. I could hear their hushed whispers floating up the stairs to my room. Everything had started to suck even more just because a redneck asshole called me a name. My bed called out to me and I buried myself in the pillows.

Maybe I would suffocate. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about anything.