Beards - 10. Chapter Nine

Rob couldn’t face me the whole walk back to the car. I hated myself. Ava was still in my head mixing with my own quilt and shame of who I was. I was fucked up. Stupid. An idiot. Nothing good ever came from me.

The most awesome guy in the world opened up to me, and I destroyed him. Goddamnit. As we neared the car, clouds started to fill the sky above us. Dark gray and black and looming overhead. How appropriate. A dropped splashed against my cheek as the sky opened and plummeted to the ground.

By the time we reached the car both of us were soaked and miserable. Rob started the car but didn’t move. Heat blasted from the vents. Families poured out of the park racing to their cars.

“Why didn’t you guys tell me?” Rob look straight ahead. No softness. No signature Robness. “I thought we were friends.”

“I don’t know.” I couldn’t think of anything to say. No acceptable reason that would make things right. Rob continued to watch the rain splatter against the windshield. Large drops rolling down the glass.

“Whatever.” Rob backed into the chaos of fleeing park goers, turning onto the highway. No music was playing. No impromptu concerts. No noise but an enveloping silence. Filling the car with white noise that burrowed into every thought.

“I’m sorry, Rob. I’m a piece of shit. I know.” I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to be honest with him but something kept stopping me. My parents. Ava. Meadowbrook. The plan.

Fear.

“Yeah, you are.” The words stung, like a slap to the face. I couldn’t blame him.

The ride home felt like hours. Everything had changed. My whole world turned upside down. It was all my fault. As we pulled into my driveway, Rob didn’t even say goodbye as he pulled away. All I wanted to do was cry.

“Hi, honey. How was your trip?” Mom was lounging on the couch, reading one of her romance novels. Her guilty pleasure. “Honey?”

Tears welled up in my eyes in spite of all my fighting. Mom jumped from the couch and held me close as everything just burst. It felt like hours.

Hours of tears falling as Mom cradled me close. Shushing me and squeezing me tighter. “Shh. It’s okay. What happened?”

I didn’t have the words or willpower to explain things to her. She wouldn’t understand. I didn’t even understand myself. “Nothing, Mom. I just want to go to bed, okay?”

Her motherly instincts kicked in. Eyeing me up as she decided whether I was worthy of being left off the hook. “Alright, dear.”

I kissed her cheek and ran for my sanctuary. As the door closed behind me, silence rang in my ears. That hollow sound that words can’t adequately describe. I tossed my phone on the desk and plopped down on my bed. Face buried in a pillow as more tears came.

I wanted to rewind time. Kiss Rob back. Make everything okay between us. But it was too late. I screwed everything up. Like always. God. I was acting like an emo teenager. My phone danced across the desk as it vibrated.

Ava: What the fuck happened?

Not who I was expecting, even though it was stupid to think he would be texting.

Me: What?

Ava responded immediately.

Ava: Rob texted me. He said even though he’s pissed at me too he needed someone to talk to. He said something happened between you too but that was it. What happened?

I couldn’t do this through text. I don’t even know if I could talk about this. Period.

Me: You home?

Ava: Yes.

Me: I’ll be there soon.

I grabbed my jacket and did something I hadn’t done in years. My mom would be waiting for me. Or at least watching to see if I came out of my room. She’d want to talk about my outburst, something I most definitely couldn’t do. I snuck out through my bedroom window, shimmying down the drain pipe.