Are You Christian - 22. Chapter 22

I didn’t know if it was the same one she tucked away the night before, but she hadn’t heard me come down the stairs. She had never been this secretive and it had me curious, but I didn’t push it. She wouldn’t tell me, she was a rock when it came to secrets involving her patients. I wondered though, who was so messed up that she would be studying and thinking over the person this much.

When I got a glass of water I heard her shuffling papers and when I turned the corner to enter the living room the folder was gone. She welcomed me with a quick smile before spooning another small red tinted glob of food into Grace’s mouth. She seemed to like what she was eating, but it didn’t look good at all.

“You need to get ready, you’ll be late,” she said reaching over and wiping Grace’s face with a moist towel before putting her in the floor to let her play. She was just now learning how to crawl now and when she made it over to where I was standing I let her hold on to my fingers and pull herself up until she was standing. She started gibbering and laughing as I helped her walk around the living room, Mom watching every step we took.

“I’m nervous, I don’t think we’ll be welcome back really,” I said the butterflies turning my stomach again.

“They won’t kick you out,” she said as Grace got tired of walking and pulled away from to play with some large rubber blocks in the middle of the living room floor. “Really you should go only if you want to, Jonathon will probably understand.”

“He wants me to become a member so I can go on trips with him and to camp in the summer,” I responded smiling at his insistence last night. I liked knowing that Jonathon wanted to spend as much time as possible with me. That I was that important to him, but I also knew that the closer we got the more people would notice and start thinking things. I doubted I could hide my amusement or affection around him as that grew stronger. It hadn’t been a slow relationship or an easy one, for the most part.

“It is normal to spend time with the person you’re with,” she commented and I turned to look at her. I had expected a lecture about not conforming to your partner’s ideas or something. I wondered if she had given up on me. That I had dug my own messy hole and now I was going to have to help myself climb out of it.

“What are you going to do today?” I asked not wanting to walk back up stairs, it would mean me getting dressed and I still wasn’t feeling brave enough to go to church yet.

“Oh, hang out with your father and sisters,” she explained, “the weather is nice and our schedules are a lot more open now that we’re not living in a city.”

“I thought Adam was taking Stacey to church,” I said, hoping to have back up if things went terribly wrong.

“No I’ve convinced your father to get to know Adam now,” she said rolling her eyes. “I can’t trust him to behave himself with just the three of them.”

She raised her eyebrow after she answered me then glanced at the clock hanging on the wall behind my head. I followed her gaze and realized that I had wasted all the time I could, that now I would have to get ready and leave. Hopefully Jonathon wasn’t telling me a white lie, that Gloria would be in charge. That I wouldn’t have to listen to Pastor Dave and his petition speech again. I had it locked in the back of my head for now, but the closer I got to Jonathon the more it came rushing to mind. I wondered how he felt about his father’s views. How much he really loved his father or if his views even mattered to Jonathon. He is the most forgiving and open in his family. I also couldn’t imagine what he felt having the open minded parents that I did.

When Mom cleared her throat I stopped thinking and walked out of the room, up the small staircase to the bathroom. When the water hit me it cleared my head, I had forgotten to let the water warm, but I was thankful for the shock it sent through my body. It seemed to finally wake me up and I felt my stomach ease and my shoulders became less tense as the hot water beat down on them as I washed and rinsed my hair.

After I was dressed and ready I didn’t hesitate fearing if I did I wouldn’t leave the house. Mom would start analyzing me then, she wouldn’t be able to help herself seeing me this conflicted about what I wanted to do. The sun was already bright and the humidity choked me as I started walking to the church. It was a shorter walk than what I anticipated and I realized that Jonathon and I were closer neighbors than I thought as I passed his house on my way to the church.

I arrived to a full parking lot, there were a lot more people there than what was there on a normal Sunday. For some reason I was relieved by the crowd of people as I walked onto the black paved parking lot. Jonathon was waiting for me, sitting on top of the brick welcome and announcement sign. I didn’t see him at first, but I smiled when he waved and jumped to the ground. He wasn’t hesitant like me, he jogged to where I was standing and wrapped me into a hug. I looked around, but everyone was around the corner to the picnic area leaving us alone.

“I was beginning to think you chickened out,” he said into my ear. “I was about to sneak away and drag your butt here.”

“Why not just come hang out with me at home?” I asked knowing the answer before I even asked.

“You know I have to be all smiles and good behavior,” he answered then broke the hug turning towards the noise around the corner. It seemed welcoming, there was laughter and a boisterous chatter that didn’t really fit with the inside of the church. Hearing the lightness I allowed myself to follow Jonathon around the corner and he led the way to where Kate, Matt, and Lacey was standing. It was off to the side and out of the way of the younger kids as they played freeze tag. One of Gloria’s sons was frozen close to where we were, but he wasn’t paying any attention to us.

“Where’s Gavin?” I asked not seeing him made me even more relaxed. He would be the one to start trouble and Matt was already glaring at me and Jonathon as it was. He wouldn’t need much prodding today.

“He went with his mother to get Natalie,” Lacey answered stepping across the invisible line between me and Matt to loop her arm with mine. I noticed that Jonathon took a small step closer to me when she did.

“Do you want to join the adults on the volleyball court?” Jonathon asked when an uneasy silence fell on us. I wondered if Kate and Lacey felt the tension and if they were prepared to get in the middle of any fight. We all still had a bit of bruising and Jonathon’s cast was a blaring reminder that things weren’t good between us.

“I don’t want to sweat today Jonathon,” Lacey said, which amused him.

“Not sweat or not sweat because of volleyball?” Matt asked causing Lacey to reach over and slap him while Kate elbowed him in the side. It wasn’t something I thought Matt would say to her, it sounded more like Gavin.

“There’s Natalie and Gavin,” Kate said pointing and we all turned to see them walking towards us. They were holding hands and I felt Jonathon’s hand brush across the back of my free hand. It was supposed to be a light and subtle touch, but his cast lightly grated against my skin.

“I still think we should play volleyball before lunch is served,” Jonathon said after Natalie and Gavin joined us under the shade of the tree. He was hoping that Gavin and I would out vote the girls. He knew they would play if we did or at least leave us to talk and not care what we were doing.

“I told you, this is a no sweating day,” Lacey argued seeming to lean more of her weight on me.

“You don’t have to play Lacey,” Gavin commented earning a nudge by Natalie, but everyone there knew he would ignore it. “It will do what ever team you pick a world of good if you didn’t play.”

“Oh, shut up Gavin,” Lacey hissed finally removing her arm from mine long enough to cross hers pretending to be mad.

“Girls can you help me in the kitchen, packing things to the picnic area?” Gloria asked causing me to jump. I hadn’t noticed her approaching, I had every intention of ignoring everyone there except for Jonathon. The tension in the group grew immensely more noticeable when the girls walked around us to follow Gloria. Even Natalie left after Gavin let go of her hand. I noticed some hesitation and worry cross Gavin’s face, like he was trying to make up an excuse to postpone something he wanted to do, but didn’t know how to go about doing.

“Guys, are you gonna talk?” He asked breaking the silence. “We can’t keep pretending to all be friends around the girls for long, they’re not as dumb as they look.”

“Gavin, don’t even start,” Matt said shaking his head turning to study the people playing volleyball on the other side of the picnic area. I turned and saw everyone was having fun here but the small group I was in under the shade. Every one of us looked on edge or angry, it only made me feel worse about things between Matt and Jonathon. They were more than friends, they were family and this could be something that might never be fixed between them. I couldn’t imagine something like that. Our family was small but we were able to forgive and forget. This though and what Matt did wouldn’t be easily forgiven. What Jonathon is wouldn’t be forgotten either.

“Someone has to start the shit around here,” Gavin argued, “all you two seem to want to do is beat the shit out of one another and Matt my money is on Jonathon, broken hand and all.”

“You’d take the fag over me?” Matt asked not glancing at Jonathon. I felt him go rigid though and I had to fight an urge to punch Matt. It did surprise me though that Jonathon would be upset with name calling. He seemed like the person that would over look it, but when I turned to look into his eyes they seemed darker and he was staring right at Matt. Then I looked down at his hands and they were both clenched into fists. His broken hand had to hurt, but he didn’t let it show on his face and I was starting to doubt the strength of the plaster cast.

“Yes, I would, because you keep pissing him off,” Gavin responded rolling his eyes, “there are probably many faeries out there that can kick your ass.”

“Gavin,” I hissed shaking my head.

“Gay, then,” Gavin corrected smirking, then turned his attention to Matt again, “especially if you throw out that insult.”

“Well it’s what he is,” Matt argued, “the therapy didn’t take, did it?”

“Brain washing,” Jonathon whispered his eyes larger, like he surprised himself when he spoke, “and no I’m still a cock sucker.”

“Jonathon,” I said looking down at my hands when he shot me a look. My heart was beginning to race and I couldn’t feel my finger tips. I also wasn’t that good at volleyball, but I would give anything to be playing it right now and not here. Then I saw Jonathon reach for my hand then give up when Matt let out a grunt. I reached out though and closed the distance between our hands, briefly holding his I gave it a gentle squeeze then let it drop. I didn’t care what Matt thought, but if anyone else noticed, it would be over. Protecting Jonathon meant more to me than holding his hand or holding him when I knew he needed me to.

“I don’t care anymore, who needs someone like Matt?” Jonathon asked shooting a glare at Matt. “Someone so closed-minded that he’s starting to sound like my father. If he can throw away almost 16 years of friendship over something that has nothing to do with him that’s his business.”

“It’s disgusting, what you do,” Matt countered, but he didn’t return the glare and his voice was shaky and not as angry as it was earlier.

“So what?” Gavin asked trying not to laugh, “grandma lesbian porn is disgusting too. Then there’s the eighteen year old doing the really old men, the people that like to shit during sex, then...”

“Just shut up Gavin,” I interrupted rolling my eyes. He laughed and I noticed Jonathon looked more relaxed, even fighting back a smile. One thing I knew about Gavin and liked was that he could break tension between people, when he wasn’t causing it in the first place.

“Well you get my point right?” Gavin asked still proud of himself.

“Not really,” Matt answered, “but I don’t hate you Jonathon, just what you’re doing.”

“Yes!” Gavin yelled and I turned hoping no one had paid him any attention. “You did get my point Matt.”

“You’re not really good with making points are you?” I asked still confused myself, but the name calling had stopped and with Gavin rambling there wasn’t a chance for an uneasy silence to take us over.

“Jonathon and you are gay,” Gavin stated sounding smug, “I still like you both, but I don’t want to know what you do in bed in the same way I don’t want to know about my Mom and Dad doing the naked leap frog. No reason to hate you though, for what you do in bed.”

“They’re still sinning,” Matt said, “and they don’t even care what it looks like, I caught them in the creek.”

“Are you embarrassed?” Jonathon asked his face turning red, his anger flaring up again. “Gavin is right it has nothing to do with you, but if you can’t get over it we don’t have to be friends.”

“Why be that way though?” Matt asked, “why choose to be different? Are you trying to piss off your father?”

“It’s not a choice Matt,” Jonathon answered letting out a long sigh, “if it was I’d be all for dating women.”

“Can’t you still?” Matt asked and Jonathon huffed turning to look at me. He looked like he had enough of this conversation, but I just offered him a tight smile not wanting him to give up or it to end like this. I thought we had made a lot of improvement with Matt at least enough to keep Matt from telling Jonathon’s parents.

“Right if Jonathon has to pretend to be straight you have to pretend to be gay,” Gavin said and I laughed, but Matt understood this time, frowning then looking up at Jonathon for the first time since we arrived under the tree.

“It will take a lot of time Jon,” Matt offered, “but I won’t say anything, just don’t make out with him in front of me or anything.”

“Deal,” Jonathon said and held out his broken hand in a loose fist. Matt knocked his own fist gently against Jonathon’s and I felt a wave of relief run through me. It caused everyone to smile even though there was still a strange uneasiness between everyone.

“Now try to act normal lunch is about to be done and I really want to play volleyball,” Gavin said as he turned and led the way out of the shade tree to the picnic tables where the girls and Gloria had finished bringing out the lunch for everyone to eat. Gloria surprised me by grabbing my hand, then announced prayer, which she led, even though pastor Dave had cleared his throat expecting to be asked to lead the before lunch prayer. There were a lot of people that didn’t belong to their church present and I wondered if she feared what her own pastor would say.

She kept it short and sweet, the normal prayer that I even knew from spending my short time with my grandparents when I was younger. Then she dismissed everyone to go and pick what they wanted to eat, telling them to sit anywhere. Jonathon had promised a relaxed feeling and I no longer doubted him as we sat at a rain and sun damaged wooden picnic table that wobbled when someone got up. Lacey sat next to me on the bench with Jonathon on the other side. I barely had room to eat as they both sat as close as possible, but at least Matt didn’t look disgusted when he looked across the table at the two of us.

“Volleyball time,” Gavin announced when his plate was clean and he was patting his stomach.

“Can we not?” Lacey asked her eyes narrowing at Gavin.

“You can watch Lacey,” Jonathon suggested as everyone stood. I didn’t want to play now, but being left on the side lines with Lacey wasn’t any better so I stepped on the field court. Pastor Dave joined us on the court standing next to me. The uneasiness must have been on my face because Gavin smirked and called out my name to join his team. I thanked him as I stood next to him, but Jonathon looked annoyed that I had switched teams. I knew he wouldn’t take it easy on me though, but I knew it would be fun regardless.

Lacey ended up playing as well as Natalie and Kate, Lacey was on my team, but she didn’t suck as bad as Gavin made her out to. She was scared of only the hardest hit balls in her direction and she couldn’t serve the ball over the net when it was her turn and she did sweat, but it smelled sweet a mixture of lotion and floral deodorant. Jonathon didn’t crack his cast and didn’t wince or show any pain when he hit the ball. Our team lost both games we played and it was late after we helped clean the picnic area. Being grounded Jonathon had to return home with Pastor Dave. Not wanting to walk home in the evening darkness Gloria took me home, thanking me for coming. I took a shower to wash off the sweat and dirt from the volleyball games and only started getting nervous when I looked at the clock and not having my escape planned at all.

Not wanting to try and sleep or pretend to sleep I walked down the stairs. Adam was still there talking with Mom, Dad, and Stacey. When I entered the living room I saw that he was in the floor playing with Grace. He was rolling a small rubber ball and she was actually paying attention enough to roll it back, each time laughing and clapping her hands when he caught the ball and was ready to roll it back to her.

“At least you’re good with kids,” I said as I sat down on the couch between Mom and Stacey. I looked over at Dad and he didn’t seem upset or angry. He wasn’t the type to stay mad about something like this once he got to meet and know Adam.

“How was church?” Mom asked turning her attention to me. “You’re a little bit sun burned too, I have aloe if you need it.”

“Church was ok, Jonathon was right Gloria was in charge of everything so it wasn’t too bad,” I said not really wanting to answer with Adam being there. I looked down at him to see him looking at me then he turned and rolled the ball to an impatient Grace.

“He knows,” Stacey said and I shot her a glare.

“I’d rather I be the one telling things like that,” I countered and she only smiled.

“Then he’d probably not know for years,” Stacey said, “but he’s ok with it.”

“Uncle is secretly gay,” Adam explained turning back to me, “I know, but my parents don’t.”

“How do you know?” I asked then felt like I was prying into his personal life as soon as I asked. It was new learning of other people who are gay and living in this small town.

“His uncle isn’t much older than Adam,” Stacey answered, “what is it six years?”

“Yeah, he was a surprise for my grandparents,” Adam said laughing slightly.

“What did you guys do all day?” I asked noticing the bags by the door. They hadn’t been back long and they looked tired.

“We did some early baby shopping,” Stacey answered, “well not really baby shopping but I do need a car.”

“A car?” I asked turning to look at Mom.

“We don’t live in the city anymore around here people have to drive a lot farther to get to where they want to go,” Mom answered, “you and Stacey both need to learn how to drive and have a car.”

“I’ve been teaching her how to drive,” Adam said then looked like he wished he hadn’t said anything. I heard Dad let out what sounded like a groan, but when I looked at him he seemed calm. His eyes were sizing up Adam though, but Adam only looked sheepish and not apologetic.

“Just be careful,” Mom said and I was surprised how laid back she was about this. I wondered when the lectures would come back. Her hair was also down from the usual tight red bun and it looked like it had been that way all day. She was wearing a shirt and a pair of jeans as well. Something I also never saw her in. Dad still wore his usual clothes though, but I wondered if he had bought some casual clothes today.

“Do I get a car when I turn 16?” I asked and Dad snorted then laughed.

“We’re not technically buying your sister a car,” Dad answered, “they will pay it back after they get settled.”

“Oh,” I said feeling disappointed, even if the idea of owning a car had just recently been in my thoughts. Cars would be the one thing that could guarantee privacy. Me and Jonathon could be together anywhere and not have to worry about running into people we didn’t want seeing us together. The thought of taking a road trip to Maryland one summer also crossed my mind from time to time.

“We didn’t find one we liked anyway,” Stacey said, “not one that looked cool and would be safe for a baby.”

“I told you that safety is more important,” Dad argued, but it fell on deaf ears as Stacey shrugged. I wondered if the deal they made about paying off the car would also be forgotten. Stacey had always been able to convince Dad of everything, more so than me. Mom said it was normal for him to be harder on me than her. She was a girl and she was the oldest.

“Can I at least look for a blue car?” Stacey asked and Mom rolled her eyes.

“Let’s not have this argument again,” she said turning back to me. “Did anything bad happen today?”

“No,” I answered still feeling uneasy around Adam. Mom was an open person though and Adam would be family soon enough as it was if him and Stacey stayed together. For Adam’s sake I hoped he did, if he messed things up now I wouldn’t know how Dad would react. He had been the protective father for so long, something that big would cause him to blow. “We talked about it and Matt has decided to let it sink in slowly.”

“That’s good, so he’s not telling anyone?” Dad asked leaning forward so he could hear better over the loud laughter of Grace.

“I don’t think so,” I answered not really getting a definite promise from him, but the bumping knuckle gesture seemed to be a silent promise to Jonathon. It was Jonathon’s secret to keep too, Matt didn’t really owe me anything and I knew that. We still had to tell Kate and Lacey though. I didn’t want it to be a surprise, not after what happened with Matt by the creek. I wasn’t worried about them though. They had always seemed easier to get along with, even with Lacey’s flirting and closeness.

“Well I better be getting home,” Adam said standing, Stacey followed him out the door as he said his quick goodbyes. I noticed his voice was stronger when he talked to Mom and not Dad. I smiled when Dad smiled. It would be something Dad would catch on to quickly. He was probably a better lie detector than Mom.

After Adam left the family parted ways, Grace was getting sleepy so Mom rocked her. Dad took a shower and Stacey went to unpack her clothes and other things she bought today out shopping. I walked back up to my room and waited for everyone to settle in for the night. Being so close to meeting up with Jonathon later tonight I started getting nervous all over again. I couldn’t sit still in my room, my bed held little comfort as my stomach tightened and fluttered. The digital clock didn’t tick telling me that time was still passing and hadn’t stopped to allow me to suffer, that it was really going to happen.

I had never really doubted Jonathon’s ability to surprise me and I couldn’t wait for the lights in the house to starting going off as people went to their room to go to sleep, but when Mom finally joined Dad in the down stairs bedroom I stood and tip toed to my door. I cracked it open looked across the hall to the bathroom. That light was off as well then I peeked down the hall to see that Stacey’s door was closed, but she knew I was planning on sneaking out anyway. The thought of getting caught made me want to ask her for help, but I feared making too much noise.

I hesitated at the top of the stairs not remembering if any of the wooden boards squeaked. It was something I never paid attention to, but I wished I did now. Nothing was worse than trying to be quiet, every noise I made seemed amplified.

“You know you kind of have to walk if you plan on sneaking out,” Stacey whispered causing me to jump. I glared over my shoulder and saw she had her tooth brush ready to go into the bathroom.

“I didn’t even hear you open your door,” I whispered, “you’re better at this than I am.”

“I’ve never snuck out,” she countered crossing her arms, “but I would go before Dad comes out for his midnight snack or Grace wakes up from a bad dream or something.”

“I don’t guess you can cover for me,” I said and she shook her head, but offered me a smile.

“It would be kind of difficult to cover for you when there’s nothing to do in this town but to have sex, I’ll do my best though” she stated, my eyes widened and my face became hot. I didn’t dare speak, but she gave me enough reason to walk down the stairs. I didn’t want to see her laughing at me and I didn’t want to think about what would happen later tonight. It would only make things awkward if I did.

I was thankful that the house was newer and hadn’t began to squeak or groan with every step. The wooden floors didn’t muffle my foot steps as I crossed the living room to the front door. I didn’t hesitate again though, after the door I was free and I had officially snuck out of the house. I still wasn’t used to the darkness though. There was always some sort light in Maryland enough to illuminate my surroundings. Here though only a full moon would cast any light and I looked up and didn’t see a moon, but a sky filled with stars.

A shot of light hitting me in the face almost made me scream and I doubted it would be a manly one. I hadn’t expected it, but I knew Jonathon was coming to get me. I just thought I would see the light from his flashlight streaming through the small trees and bushes as he made his way to my house. I remembered though that he wasn’t scared of the dark.

“Ready?” He asked as he walked up to me, turning the flash light back off.

“Yes,” I answered as he reached for my hand. Not having both hands to hold a flashlight he handed it to me. I wanted to turn it on, but didn’t as he started leading me and I wasn’t scared or nervous anymore.

We didn’t talk either as we walked down the empty road. It would be dangerous to do if there was actually traffic on this road this time of night. In my short time here people didn’t get out much after dark, especially on a day like this when everyone would have to return to work and school in the morning. He told me to turn the flashlight on when we stepped off the road. I let it scan my surroundings as he waited and I saw that we were nowhere near a house. We were standing at the entrance of a forest hidden field, probably somewhere Jonathon liked to go. I walked beside him no longer being led in the dark and when a large pond came into view, I saw a lantern lit in a small wooden row boat.

“Well here we are,” he said and I turned the flashlight off no longer needing it. He surprised me with a quick kiss on the cheek, placing his hand on my lower back. “I’ll keep the boat steady for you.”

“Ok,” I said my voice cracking slightly, it caused my face to flush all over again and I scolded myself. Then I took a step onto the boat, the blankets made it awkward as I didn’t have a solid thing to stand on, but I slide to my knees then sat down completely inside the boat. I was thankful that I was still dry and smiled when Jonathon made it look easy.

He untied the boat from the large rock and grabbed a wooden paddle that was tied to a rope on the side of the ship. He paddled out to the middle of the large pond then dropped the paddle back into the water. I could tell he was smiling in the lantern light, obviously proud of his plan.

“Complete privacy, is great,” he said leaning back against the opposite side of the small boat. I stretched my legs out in front of me and Jonathon struggled untying my shoes, but I didn’t stop him as he looked determined. Then he quickly slid his off and stashed them under all the blankets. Then he crawled to lay beside me resting his broken hand above my head. The small boat didn’t allow for much room, but I didn’t mind. He was wearing cologne and it mixed nicely with his deodorant and his breath smelled of tooth paste. He brushed his other hand against my cheek, it was soft and smelled of soap and I watched his finger until it disappeared from my view to trace down my neck until his hand rested on my chest.

“This is nice,” I whispered turning to look at him briefly before turning my attention back to the stars. He surprised me though when he turned the lantern off leaving us in complete darkness.

“Let your eyes adjust,” he said when I started to become tense, “the moon will rise in about thirty minutes, it’s supposed to be full.”

“You’ve had this planned for awhile haven’t you?” I asked and he laughed then leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek searching for my mouth.

“I used to do this a lot,” he answered, “but this is a first I had someone else with me.”

“How can you stand being out here alone?” I asked thinking every weird noise would scare me.

“Remember Christian, I grew up here,” he answered and I could feel him grinning as he kissed closer to my mouth. “And besides we’re in the middle of a pond the only thing bad that can happen is if I fell out and drowned.”

“Right,” I said, “and where are the life jackets?”

“Don’t have any,” he whispered kissing me to stop me from talking, “besides I live dangerously.”

“As dangerously as you can in Landfalls North Carolina,” I countered when we broke the kiss and he rested his head on the pillow I was laying my head on. He rubbed my chest lightly with his finger. He probably wasn’t even aware that he was doing it. The touch tickled and sent electric pulses through my body, but I didn’t want him to stop.

“You have no idea,” he said and we both laughed as we drifted in the water.

It was still the middle of summer so the lightening bugs were still blinking and trying to find a mate. The frogs also grunted and chirped their songs by the water’s edge. It was relaxing and I found myself not wanting to talk. Jonathon wasn’t either, but it wasn’t uneasy. We were finally able to be alone. We were finally able to touch and not worry if anyone saw. He would lean in every so often and kiss my cheek. Each time it almost made me shudder as I never knew when it was going to happen.

Jonathon’s promise of a full moon came slowly, but when it was in the center of the sky it did allow me to finally see his face fully. His eyes seemed to glow in the low light and he was still smiling, but he also looked nervous for the first time. It was when I noticed his hand finally start moving in larger circles on my chest. I let out a low sigh when his hand brushed just below my navel to the top of my khaki shorts.

“I don’t think I’m ready for this,” I whispered, “I mean the sex thing.”

“Me neither,” he responded his smile widening, “it wasn’t ever on the agenda scout’s honor.”

“Right,” I said rolling my eyes as he scooted closer to me and I turned my back to him, resting it against his chest. He put his arm tightly around me and searched for my hand until he found it and laced his fingers with mine.

It surprised me when he started humming and it took me a few minutes to realize he was humming the song we danced to in my living room when we were both learning how to dance. I also surprised myself when I turned my head and kissed him, pulling my hand out of his grasp to grab the back of his head. It was awkward turning completely around to face him and I was breathing heavy by the time I managed. I was afraid of turning the boat over so I went slowly. The apprehension I felt vanished as we kept kissing and the thought of what we just said rushed through my mind, but I willed it away and focused on finding the bottom of his shirt.

He stopped me though, taking my hand in his again. He kissed me a few more times before letting out a low sigh turning onto his back pulling my hand with his to rest on his chest. I could feel his heart beating.

“Almost made a liar out of us didn’t I?” I asked breaking the silence between us. I could feel him laughing and I scooted closer to him and rested my head on his chest. I didn’t want to fall asleep, but Jonathon’s rhythmic heart beat and breathing made it impossible to stay awake, but it was nice falling asleep listening to the heartbeat of someone I was starting to fall in love with.