Scott- Making Amends - 1. Chapter 1

Scott

Chapter 1

“My name’s Scott, and I’m an alcoholic.”

“Hi Scott.” The whole room replied in unison.

I took my seat and looked around. I was one of the youngest people in the room by far. Most of them looked to be fifty or older, except for the person sitting next to me. He was about eight years older than me and had a warm, genuine smile. I had been coming to these meetings every night for the past couple of months. Starting next week, I was going to have to cut down to a couple nights per week since school was starting. Thinking back, I recalled my first meeting and remembered how out of place I felt. I started to remember exactly how I had gotten myself here in the first place. It started the Saturday night after the last day of my Junior year.

I was at TJ’s place, just like almost every other Saturday night for the past three years, except when his nephew was in town. I was fucking him and we were both really into it. Then there was the knocking and insistent ringing of the doorbell. Finally, when we figured out whoever was at the door wasn’t going away, TJ went and answered the door.

He returned to the room about 10 minutes later. He seemed to be in a trance, but walked directly over to the bed and laid down. When I went to lower his shorts, he lifted his hips. I took this as an invitation to pick up where we left off, so I placed his legs on my shoulders and reentered him.

I heard him whisper something, but couldn’t quite make it out. Then I heard him say no, but thought he was role-playing like we sometimes did. When he slapped me across the face and said, “No means fucking no asshole. Fuck,” and started crying. I stopped immediately. I asked him what had happened and who was at the door and he responded by telling me he had just learned his parents were dead.

My heart broke for him. I drew him into my arms and held him while he cried. I whispered in his ear, “It’s okay baby, I’m here with you. Shhh. Let it out babe.” Finally, his sobs slowed and he regained some control of himself. I called my parents and let them know I was spending the night with a friend, they tried to protest, but finally gave in. I asked him if there was anyone he needed me to call. He asked me to call his brother, Robert.

I grabbed his phone, scrolled through his contacts and chose the correct one. A worried voice answered on the second ring. “Teej, what’s wrong? Why are you calling me?”

I responded, “Robert, this is TJ’s umm friend, Scott. He asked me to call you because he just received some really bad news and isn’t able to talk right now. Umm, I’m sorry, I don’t know how to tell you this. Umm.”

Robert interrupted me in an authoritative yet soothing voice. “Scott, calm down. Take a deep breath and tell me what’s wrong. It’ll be okay.”

I took a breath and let it out. “About thirty minutes ago, a couple of police officers stopped by the house. TJ told me that they told him there was an accident and y’alls parents didn’t make it. I’m here with TJ for the night, but I think he needs you and Josh up here as soon as possible.”

Robert gasped. “Oh, my God. Is TJ okay?” Before I could answer, Robert continued, “I’m on my laptop right now. Give me a second and let me see when I can get a flight up there. Okay, one leaves here at 11:50 tonight and lands at DFW at 1:00. Can y’all pick us up? I can rent a car if I need to.”

“TJ and I will pick y’all up. I’ll be driving a silver Honda CRV. We’ll see y’all in a couple of hours.”

Once I hung up, I returned to TJ and sat with my back against his headboard. I pulled him up so his back was against my chest and wrapped my arms around him. We sat in silence for about an hour and a half, and then I whispered in his ear that we needed to head to the airport to pick up Robert and Josh.

Once the four of us were back at the house, TJ said goodnight to his brother and nephew, both of whom looked beyond tired. Robert thanked me for taking care of TJ and for calling him to let him know what was going on. We went to TJ’s room, stripped, and laid down in his bed. We talked and I told him I could see us being more than just friends. I was serious when I said it. He agreed, but we didn’t discuss it any further. I held him in my arms till he finally fell asleep and I followed shortly behind him.

We finally woke up Sunday around noon. We showered and headed downstairs. TJ stuck by my side and I wasn’t about to leave him. He needed me to be there for him and I didn’t want to let him down. Robert and Josh were in the kitchen waiting for us. I noticed how similar Robert and TJ looked. They were both about six feet tall, lean build, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Josh, on the other hand, must have taken after his mom. He was about 5’6” and weighed maybe 130 pounds, and when he smiled he had the most adorable dimples in the world. He was cute, but nothing compared to TJ. I don’t know what it was about him that attracted me so much, but there was something there. I’m sorry now that I fucked it up.

I knew how much I liked TJ. I had since the day in our freshman year when I came out to him. He was my hero; brave enough to admit who he was and not scared of the consequences. I was a chicken-shit who asked him to keep my secret from everyone, and he did. As far as I knew, the only person he ever told about me was Josh, and he let me know about it right after.

I knew I wanted to be with TJ; I only had one obstacle. My girlfriend, Kim. She and I had only been together a few months, and the furthest we’d gone was her giving me shitty head. I wasn’t sure if TJ knew about her. He and I didn’t run in the same circles at school, and Kim hated TJ with a passion. It wasn’t a secret that we were together. However, TJ never asked me about her, so I never told him. The only reason I was with her was because my friends were hounding me to find a girlfriend. I was the only single guy in our group. I should’ve seen there was a problem since I had to be drunk to let her touch me, but I could do anything I wanted with TJ, totally sober.

I spent almost the entire day on Sunday with TJ. It was probably one of the best days of my life even with the tragedy of the situation. When I left that night, TJ gave me a kiss and said he would talk to me in a couple of days. I knew he had a funeral deal with, then he and Robert had to handle the wills and everything. I held him for a few moments and told him I was looking forward to seeing him soon.

I got in my car and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I knew it had been vibrating all day, but I had ignored it. I had twenty unread text messages and fifteen missed calls, each with a voicemail. Every single one was from Kim. Fucking great! I so needed to get rid of this bitch. I was pulling out of the driveway when she called again. I answered reluctantly. “Where the fuck have you been? Did you forget you were supposed to take me out today? It’s bad enough I don’t see you on Saturdays, you have to go and stand me up today?”

I sighed. I couldn’t tell her I had been with TJ Kennedy for the past forty-eight hours, so I lied.

“I’m sorry. I’m just now getting back in town from my grandparents. They had some things I needed to work on around the house for them and it took longer than expected. I’m heading to my house right now. Let me shower and change and I’ll come pick you up.”

“Fine, whatever. Just hurry. There’s a party tonight at Lyndsey’s. Her parents are out of town and her older sister scored some liquor for her. I want to get there while there’s still something to drink.”

“I’ll pick you up in forty minutes. Bye.”

That began the black-out week, as I call it now. Kim and I got trashed at Lyndsey’s on Sunday night, so we spent the night. Monday afternoon, Lyndsey’s sister came back over and asked if anyone wanted anything from the liquor store. I gave her a hundred dollars and told her to buy as much as she could. She came back with two huge bottles of rum and a small bottle of Patron Tequila. I spent the next three days in a drunken haze. I vaguely remember getting a text from TJ telling me the funeral was Tuesday morning. I didn’t read it and comprehend what it said till Wednesday night. Thursday morning, Lyndsey finally kicked everyone out. I still had most of the Patron left since I didn’t really share any of my rum or tequila with anyone. Not even Kim. That’s why she was sober enough to drive us to my house.

We got to my place around eleven in the morning and went straight to my room. I wanted to pass out, but Kim had other ideas. She started trying to play with my cock and begged me to finger her. I hadn’t done that yet, and didn’t plan on doing it anytime, ever. I pretended to be asleep. That’s when Kim decided to start giving me shitty head. I swear that bitch couldn’t suck dick if her life depended on it. I decided to sit up and try to enjoy it. I had just rested my back against the headboard when I thought I heard a car pull up outside. I knew my parents were both at work so I figured it must be a neighbor’s car or something. I tried to focus on pretending to enjoy the sloppy blow job my girlfriend was giving me. I didn’t hear the back door open. When my bedroom door flew open, guilt overwhelmed me.

TJ was standing in my doorway trying to process the scene in front of him. Kim’s head popped up and she immediately started calling him a faggot and asking me why he was in my room. I know this might sound like a lame excuse, but I panicked and blacked out. The next thing I remember after Kim asking that question was seeing TJ on the ground in my backyard with a bloody lip and holding his side while I said, “Get the fuck off my property.”

When Kim tried to put her arms around me, I pushed her off. I grabbed the bottle of Patron and drank directly from the bottle. Kim looked at me and begged, “Come lay back down and let me finish what I started.”

I looked at her trying to get my thoughts straight. I asked, “What just happened? Why did I tell TJ Kennedy to get the fuck off my property?”

She laughed and said, “You kicked his ass and threw him out. It was fucking amazing. It’s about time somebody put that smug faggot in his place.”

I know I was looking at her like she had three heads. “What are you talking about?”

She filled in the last few minutes of my life and my heart broke. I needed to apologize to TJ. I needed to make everything okay. I looked at Kim and said in a voice full of contempt, “You need to get the fuck out of my house and stay the fuck away from me. If I ever hear of you calling TJ that word again, I’ll kick your ass. I don’t care if you’re a girl or not. Get. The. Fuck. Out. NOW!”

She said something, but I wasn’t paying attention. I went on the hunt for my phone. By the time I found it, Kim was nowhere to be seen. I was hoping what Kim had told me was embellished. I called TJ’s cell, hoping to get him to come back.

The phone rang twice and was sent to voicemail. I tried calling two more time with the same results. Next, I sent him a text message saying Kim was gone and to please come back over and talk to me. I tried to call him one more time and got his voicemail again. Since I didn’t remember anything specific I had said, I told him I had to say that shit because Kim was my girlfriend and I had told her we couldn’t hang out on Saturdays because I had to go to my grandparents. I also said I had been serious when I said I wanted more. I waited for what felt like hours for him to respond. Finally, I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I decided to just head over to TJ’s and talk to him in person.

I don’t know how I made it to TJ’s but somehow my drunk ass arrived in one piece. I ran to the front door and rang the doorbell. I waited anxiously for someone to answer. About thirty seconds later, Josh answered the door. If looks could kill, I would’ve been a dead man from the expression on his face when he saw who was at the door. He growled, literally growled, at me. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” When I tried to push my way past him, he kneed me in my balls causing me to grunt and fall to the floor. As I was writhing in pain on the floor, Josh kicked me in the side and said, “That’s for fucking with my brother, asshole.”

I tried to prepare myself for another kick when I noticed Robert grab Josh from behind and hold him back. TJ walked over to me and said the words that broke my heart and I knew I had fucked up. He looked down at me at spat out, “Get the fuck out of here and go fuck yourself. Let Kim know she needs to get a strap-on to keep you happy. Josh, come on, we need to pack my room up. We’re moving tomorrow.”

He was leaving to live with Robert and Josh. He hated me and I couldn’t blame him. I headed home and went straight to my room, took a shower, and slept for almost twenty-four hours straight.

For the rest of the following week, I tried to call or text TJ every day. All I wanted to do was apologize and let him know I didn’t mean for things to go the way it had. I would’ve given anything to make things right. At the end of that first week though, a post showed up on Facebook, Twitter, and every other social media outlet there was. It read, “I hope Scott can fuck Kim as good as he fucked me. Both literally and figuratively. BTW Kim, he likes it given to him hard and fast. Don’t get too mad if he screams my name.”

After I read that and saw it had over two hundred likes and had been shared a hundred and eighty times only fifteen minutes after being posted, I lost my fucking mind. My mom was out of town visiting my aunt and my dad was working late, so I decided to raid their liquor cabinet. I don’t remember how much I drank, nor do I remember getting behind the wheel of my car. The only thing I remember with full clarity is waking up in the hospital with a broken arm, a lot of small cuts on my upper body, two black eyes, and ten stitches above my right eyebrow.

My dad was sitting by the hospital bed and looked like he had been crying. I asked him what happened. He told me I had been in an accident and my car was totaled. Evidently, I drove my car straight into a tree, my blood-alcohol level had been .25. He told me I was lucky to be alive and that there was going to be some major changes around the house. He seemed calmer than I expected. He asked, “What were you thinking, Scott? What happened to push you far enough to get that drunk and then make the decision to get behind the wheel? Did it have anything to do with the Facebook post about you?”

My eyes widened and started filling with tears. Before I could answer, my dad continued, “What happened between y’all? I know y’all hung out on Saturdays so he could supposedly tutor you in math. Even during the summers.” He smirked at me and wiped the tears from my cheeks. “Did he post that because he found out about Kim?”

I shook my head. “Not really. We’ve been hanging out Saturday nights while his parents went on dates. We started during our freshman year. During the summers, sometimes he would come to the house during the day. We never went out together, just met up at each other’s place and ummm…”

My dad interrupted before I could say more. “I get the picture. So, why were you with Kim?”

“I didn’t want my friends to get suspicious. I heard the things they said about TJ when he wasn’t around. I didn’t want them to say that about me.”

“If they can’t accept you for who you are, they aren’t your friends. I want you to know I still love you, no matter what. That’s why we need to discuss some new rules. First, was this the first time you drank or have you been drunk before?”

I look down at my legs and softly said, “I’ve drank some in the past. But for the past week and a half, I’ve been drunk almost every night.”

He nodded. “That’s what I was afraid of. I’ve already gotten rid of all the alcohol in the house. You are going to start going to AA meetings. I know you might not be an alcoholic, but I don’t want you to become one. You’re also going to take the meetings seriously. You will get a sponsor and you will work the steps. You’re going to be without a car for a while. You’re not going to be going out at night at all without my permission. Once the cast comes off, you will have daily chores to do around the house. I will drive you to the meetings and wait for you in the parking lot till it’s over. Not that I don’t trust you, I just want to make sure you take this seriously.”

That’s when I noticed something which took me by surprise. “Dad, where’s Mom?”

He got a sad look on his face. “That’s something else we’ll need to discuss, but not right now. Like I said, there are going to be major changes at home. For now, your mom will be staying at your aunt’s.”

My eyes filled with tears again. “Oh, does it have anything to do with what happened to me?”

“No, absolutely not. Things between us have been tense for some time. This has absolutely nothing to do with you. It’s my fault, and I’ll tell you about it later. I’m just not ready, not sure how to tell you everything yet.”

I eyed my dad suspiciously. “Okay, I’m sorry about this. I’m so sorry.” I started sobbing and my dad gently pulled me into a hug.

The next day, I was released from the hospital. We got home and Dad told me to go lie down and rest. I turned to him and asked, “Aren’t you going to work?”

He shook his head. “I took the week off. I had enough time, and you’re my main priority. Go lay down and I’ll bring you a pain killer and some lunch.”

I turned towards my room. Before I made it to the hallway, I turned and asked, “What’s going on with you and Mom?”

He took a deep breath and sighed. “Go on to your room while I get your lunch ready. I’ll talk to you about it when I bring it back to you. Just give me a few minutes to figure out how I’m going to say everything.”

I made my way to my room and laid down on the bed. About ten minutes later, my dad walked in carrying a plate with two sandwiches and some chips along with a Coke. He handed me the plate, then reached into his pocket and handed me a pain pill. I gratefully took the pill and swallowed it. My dad took a seat in the desk chair and took a deep breath. “Scott, you know things between your mom and me have been tense for a while. I’m sure that’s why you were spending so much time away from here.

“I have admitted something to myself I have tried most of my life to ignore. I’m gay. Before I met your mom, back when I was in high school and my freshman year of college, I messed around with guys. However, when I met your mother my second year of college, I stopped. I thought I could be happy with her. I never told her about that part of my past. I thought I could ignore it, and I did for the most part. All I ended up doing though is making your mom and me miserable.

“She finally confronted me last weekend, asking if I was happy with her. I didn’t want to hurt her and say no, but I didn’t want to lie to her either. So, I told her everything. She wasn’t upset, but she did say she could tell something was off between us. She decided to go to her sister’s so she could focus on herself away from me.

“When she saw the Facebook post about you, she called to ask me what I thought about it. I told her I would talk to you about everything as soon as I got home that night. About two hours later, I got a phone call from the hospital letting me know you had been in an accident. They let me know there was nothing life-threatening. When I called to tell your mother, she asked if I thought she should come back. I told her the extent of your injuries, what your blood-alcohol level had been, and what the hospital had told me about when you would be released and we decided if anything changed, she would come home.”

I lowered my head and softly asked the question that I was afraid to have answered. “Did she not want to see me because I’m gay?”

My dad shook his head. “Not at all. She wanted me to tell you it didn’t matter what you are or who you like. She thought I would be better able to handle the situation. She also thinks it would be better if you were to stay with me. She is going to stay with your aunt for the time being and once the divorce is finalized, we’ll decide what’s going to happen.”

Just then, the phone rang. When I grabbed the receiver from my bedside table, I saw it was my mom’s number. I cautiously answered. She asked me how I was feeling, and if my dad had talked to me about what all was going on. Then told me she loved me but she thought my dad could help me through this better than she could. By the time we hung up, I was convinced she didn’t hate me, but she was disappointed in me.

While I was on the phone, my dad left the room. When he saw the conversation was over, he came back in to finish talking to me. He asked me if I had any questions, so I had to ask, “Are you planning on seeing anyone?” He shook his head and told me not till the divorce was finished. He didn’t want to hurt my mom any more than he already had.

The next night, I came to my first meeting. I was nervous as hell. I didn’t think I needed to be there, until I read the first step: I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable. Wow. That hit me hard. I thought back to the events of that week and realized I had become dependent on alcohol to ignore my problems. I couldn’t say no when offered a drink. And I think running my car into a tree while driving drunk qualifies as my life being unmanageable.

After the meeting, I met a guy named Pete. He asked me how old I was and if this was my first meeting. I told him I was seventeen and it was my first time there. He told me he was twenty-five and then he asked if I planned on coming back. When I told him I didn’t have much of a choice because my dad was making me, he asked what led to me being there. I ended up telling him everything. I don’t know why, but I felt like I could trust him. When I finished telling him my story, he gave me a hug and told me to keep coming back and he would see me the next night.

When I walked in the next night, Pete waved me over and introduced me to his sponsor. Chuck was in his late forties or early fifties. He asked me if I had found a sponsor yet. He laughed when I told him I didn’t think I needed one. “Everyone says that at first. Besides, I thought Pete said your dad told you that you had to get a sponsor and work the steps.” I glared at Pete before Chuck continued. “I think you should talk to Pete. He’s ready for a sponsee and I think y’all can help each other.”

The meeting was called to start, so Pete, Chuck, and I took seats next to each other. When the meeting was over, Pete pulled me aside.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t tell Chuck everything. I just mentioned you had had a bad week and your dad thought it would be good for you to come to the meetings and you needed to get a sponsor and take this seriously. I asked him if he thought I was ready to sponsor someone and he said yes.”

I eyed him suspiciously. “Aren’t I a little young for you?”

He laughed and told me to relax, he didn’t think his girlfriend would appreciate him cheating on her with some teenage guy. That and the fact he was straight. He also told me he didn’t care about me being gay because he had a few gay friends.

“Look, I think I can help you. Why don’t we start working together and see if it works? If it doesn’t then I’ll help you find another sponsor.”

I agreed and started working with Pete the next night. The first thing he asked me was where I was going to school. When I said Flower Mound High School, he asked me if I knew Ryan Nelson. I told him I thought the name was familiar, but I wasn’t sure and asked him ‘why?’. He told me Ryan was his little brother who was going to be a senior in the fall. He said he was a good kid, but he didn’t have many friends. When I asked him why he thought that was, he simply shrugged his shoulders.

“Alright, let’s get to work. Here is your handbook and your workbook. They will both help you work through the steps.” He continued by explaining step one in detail, breaking everything down almost word by word. He said I could take a couple of days to work on it and if I wanted, I could go over my workbook answers with him on Saturday at his place. He was having a cookout with a few friends and asked if I was interested in going. I told him I would have to talk to my dad about it, but didn’t think it would be a problem.

Saturday afternoon, my dad dropped me off at Pete’s. Since he hadn’t met Pete yet, he walked with me to the door. I rang the doorbell and a few seconds later, Pete answered. I introduced them and they spoke for a few minutes before my dad was satisfied there was no alcohol at the party and that I had a ride to the meeting later with Pete. He told me he would pick me up after the meeting and to have fun.

I noticed how nice the house was and asked Pete what he did for a living. He told me the house was his parents and he lived with them, but they were out of town for the weekend. When we got outside, I noticed about ten people sitting around a pool. Chuck got up and came to give me a hug. I thought to myself ‘People in AA sure do hug a lot.’ Pete introduced me to his girlfriend, Lacy and then a few other people I recognized from the meetings. I saw a guy who looked about my age wearing black framed glasses sitting on the other side of the pool by himself. He was wearing some board shorts and a tank top. I could tell he was a bit taller than me and he had a lean, almost too skinny, body. His eyes were closed and he had earbuds in, so Pete had to shake his leg to get his attention. When he opened his eyes, I noticed they were greyish-blue. I was nearly speechless as Pete introduced me to his brother Ryan.

I said, “Hey, how are you? I’ve seen you around school before I think.”

Ryan nodded his head and softly said, “Yeah I’ve seen you before. Your name’s Scott, right?”

I nodded my head and Pete said, “You two go ahead and talk. Scott, do you want anything to drink? I have Coke, Dr. Pepper, lemonade, or water.” I told him I would take a Coke and he said he would be right back.

Ryan gestured to the chair next to him and told me to take a seat. I thought to myself, ‘How have I never noticed this guy except in passing?’ He was absolutely adorable. I could’ve gotten lost in his eyes for hours. He asked, “So, how do you know my brother?”

I stammered, “Umm…I…well…he’s my sponsor.”

Ryan smiled at me. “Really? Good for you. I’m really happy Pete stopped drinking. I’m also glad he’s able to help someone else now. He needs it.”

Pete showed back up with a Coke for me and one for Ryan. “Here you go little bro! Ha, I’m a poet and didn’t even know it.”

Ryan rolled his eyes, shoved Pete away with a groan, and said thanks. I too thanked him for the drink. He winked at us and turned to go back to sit by Lacy. We discussed some general topics like music and movies. We each told our favorite and least favorite in each category. I asked him what he liked to do for fun and he quietly said he liked reading and watching TV. I asked him what his favorite TV show was and when he told me Doctor Who, I mumbled, “I used to watch that every Saturday when new episodes were on, with a fr…with someone I knew.”

An awkward silence followed in which Ryan and I sat there sipping our drinks before he glanced my way, looking like he wanted to ask me something. This happened a few more times before I took a deep breath and sighed. “You can ask me anything you want. That doesn’t mean I’ll answer you, but if there’s anything bothering you, just go ahead and ask. The worse that will happen is I’ll say I don’t want to answer yet. I won’t get mad, I promise.”

Ryan looked at me with a guilty expression. “Never mind. What I was wondering about doesn’t matter. I think I’m going to go inside now. I’ll see you around.” He immediately stood up and all but ran for the door and disappeared inside.

As soon as the door closed, Pete looked from the backdoor to me, then to the door again. He cocked an eyebrow my way and I sadly shrugged my shoulders in response. I thought about calling my dad to come pick me up, but before I could make the phone call, I noticed a shadow cast over me. I looked up as Pete sat next to me in the chair his brother was just in.

“What happened?” he asked gently. “I thought y’all were getting along over here.”

I shook my head.

“I thought we were too. When I asked him what his favorite show and he told me Doctor Who, it reminded about TJ and Saturday nights when we would have sex, watch the new episode, then have more sex once it was over before his parents came home. I told him I used to watch it with someone I knew, then we both got quiet. I was overthinking stuff and he kept glancing at me like he wanted to ask me something. I told him to go ahead and ask me anything he wanted but that didn’t mean I would answer yet. Then I said ‘The worse that will happen is me saying I don’t want to talk about it yet, but I promise I won’t get mad.’ He looked guilty about something and told me to never mind, what he wanted to know wasn’t important and he was going inside and he would see me around. Before I could tell him to wait he was practically running for the door.”

Pete sighed. “Dammit, I told him not to judge you till he asked you about that.”

I started getting anxious and Pete must have noticed.

“Shit Scott, I’m really sorry. I told him you were coming today and he asked if you were the Scott in the Facebook post. I told him that was something he needed to ask you himself if he wanted to know. He asked what you could’ve done to TJ to deserve that and again I said he needed to ask you. I promise I didn’t tell him anything because it wasn’t my place. Ryan’s really shy and has a hard time letting people in because he’s been hurt by people he thought were his friends in the past. I thought y’all both could use a friend right now, so I figured I would introduce y’all and see what happens. I guess I fucked that up.”

I looked at him and shyly asked, “You don’t think it’s because he thinks I’m gay, do you?”

Pete shook his head and said, “I can’t tell you much, but I can tell you I honestly don’t think he would have any problems at all with you being gay.”

I eyed him suspiciously. “Are you not saying what I think you’re not saying?”

He smiled at me and nodded, saying, “I have no clue what you’re talking about. I’m not not saying anything, I swear.”

I looked towards the backdoor and asked, “Do you think I should go talk to him or wait till he comes back out?”

“If you don’t go talk to him now, he will probably avoid coming back out all day. And by the way, I didn’t introduce y’all trying to play cupid, I thought you could both use a friend right now.”

“So, are you saying I shouldn’t go talk to him, come out and then ask him out on a date?”

He shook his head and said, “Actually, it’s kind of an unspoken rule that you’re not supposed to date someone during the first year of sobriety. However, I met Lacy when I was sober for a little over a month and we’re still together. In fact, I don’t think I could’ve done this without her as part of my support system. Before you go talk to him though, I want you to answer me honestly. Are you asking him out because you’re interested in him or are you asking him out because he happens to be a possibility?”

I tried to look reassuring when I smiled his way. “After what happened with TJ, I don’t want to ever hurt someone again. I promise I will never kick somebody when they’re down again nor will I take advantage of someone like I did with him.”

He nodded and said, “Good. Because if you hurt my baby brother, I will kick your ass and I don’t think that would be good for our sponsor/sponsee relationship.”

“I promise you, hurting TJ like I did hurt me enough to last a lifetime.”

I turned and went into the house. I wasn’t sure where Ryan’s room was, so I headed upstairs. There were four rooms, , two of which had their doors closed. The two with open doors were the guest room and a bathroom. I listened carefully at the first closed door and thought I heard some movement inside. I knocked on the door and Ryan answered it a few seconds later saying, “Pete, I don’t want…”

“Sorry, I’m not Pete, and I do want to talk. I think you need to hear what happened. I’m not telling you this trying to excuse my part. I hurt someone I cared about a lot and I can’t take it back. My reaction to learning what I did led me here and I think here is a good place for me to be. I don’t know what has happened to you before, but I want to make you a promise right now. I will do everything I can to make sure I never hurt someone like I did TJ again. I think you’re adorably cute and really want to get to know you better. So, if you’re willing to give me a chance, I would like to take you out tomorrow night. It will have to be after the meeting, because my sponsor is kind of a hardass about me attending meetings, and my dad will have to drive us because I don’t have a car. But I’m willing to go through that embarrassment if you’ll agree to go out with me.”

He smirked at me shyly. “I have a car you know. I can drive us. And you don’t have to tell me what happened between you and TJ. If you’re really working the steps with Pete, that’s proof to me you’re trying to turn your life around. I’m sorry I ran away, I was scared you wouldn’t be interested in me.” His eyes starting sparkling with tears.

I looked at him and said, “Anyone who wouldn’t be interested in you is either blind or a dumbass. Now, would you be interested in accompanying me downstairs and to the backyard for some food, I’m starving. Sorry I can’t go swimming with you though.” I lifted my arm with the cast and gestured to the stitches above my eyebrow.

We started walking downstairs and he quietly mumbled, “I hope you look better once all the bruising is gone and the stitches come out, otherwise I’ll have to tell Pete to break up with you for me.”

I turned around, honestly hurt by what he said until I saw the smirk on his face. “Oh, you think you’re funny huh?”

He laughed and nodded. “Yup, and smart too.” He took off running to the backdoor.

I caught him just as we both stepped outside. I grabbed him with my good arm and spun him around, both of us laughing. When our eyes met, everything around us faded away and we both leaned in and our lips met. It was a small, gentle kiss, but obviously enough to get wolf whistles from the others in the backyard.

Ryan turned so red, I thought he was going to pass out. Before he could freak out too bad, I felt an arm come around me as Pete separated us. He had an arm draped around both our necks. He laughed and said, “I’m glad to see y’all are getting along. Who’s hungry? Chuck, are those hamburgers ready yet?”

We sat around the pool eating and socializing. I told Ryan he could swim if he wanted, but he said he didn’t feel like it. I knew he was only doing that since I couldn’t swim because of my cast and stitches. As Ryan and I talked and got to know each other, I started noticing a difference in him. Slowly, he started coming out of his shell. As we grew more comfortable around each other, he became more confident. Within an hour of us sitting outside, we were joking and laughing like old friends.

Slowly but surely, everyone started leaving till it was only Lacy, Pete, Ryan and myself. We ended up sitting on one of the deck chairs side by side, our shoulders brushing against each other as we playfully nudged the other. Lacy announced that she needed to head out. Pete walked her to the front door. Ryan and I were holding hands by the time Pete came to get me saying it was time for us to work on my first step together. I got a little anxious because I wanted to spend more time with Ryan. He surprised me when he leaned over and kissed my cheek and then whispered in my ear, “Step work is more important than hanging out with me. Go with Pete, I’ll see you later.” I nodded, stood up, and followed Pete inside.

Once Pete and I finished, Ryan and I hung out in his bedroom for a while. The Ryan I hung out with during that time was nothing like the shy guy I met earlier in the day. He had a great sense of humor, and loved to laugh and joke around. He also had more confidence, which I really liked. At one point, I noticed him stealing glances at me. When he discovered he was caught he shrugged.

“What? I like what I see, so I’m going to look.”

I shook my head and asked, “Even with two black eyes, a nasty gash on my forehead, and a useless arm?”

He nodded and then leaned over to place a kiss on my cheek. At the last second, I turned my head and met his lips with mine. At first, he stiffened up like he was in shock, then he relaxed into the kiss. He’s a damn good kisser too. Not overly aggressive, but not passive and boring either.

Just as we started to lay back on his bed, there was a knock on the door and Pete walked in.

“Sorry to interrupt, but Scott and I need to leave now if we want to make it to the meeting on time.” The look on his face was amused and showed he really wasn’t that sorry. He turned around and walked away but left the door open.

Ryan’s mood suddenly changed. He sat on the edge of his bed and looked at the floor. I tried to make eye contact with him but he would turn his head. Finally, he said, “I guess you need to leave. Guess I’ll see you around or something.” His voice was monotonous. He was acting like he regretted what just happened.

“Oh, okay. Yeah. I guess I’ll see you around.” I started towards the door and stopped before I stepped out of his room. I turned around and asked in a choked voice, “Did I do something wrong?”

The question seemed to take him by surprise. He looked up suddenly and I saw he had tear marks on his cheeks. “No, not at all. Why?”

“Do you regret kissing me?”

He shook his head and wiped tears from his cheeks.

“Then why are you treating me like something you stepped in?”

He looked back down at the floor and mumbled, “This is normally when a guy tells me they’ll talk to me later and I never hear from them again. I didn’t want that to happen with you.”

“Do you remember anything I’ve said to you today?”

“I remember every word.”

“Then you remember me saying that anyone who isn’t interested in you is blind or a dumbass?”

He nodded. “You were just saying that to make me feel better.”

I ran my hand through my hair and tried to keep from losing my temper. “I wouldn’t just say that to someone. I told you I didn’t want to hurt anyone like I hurt TJ. I…”

“You don’t have to tell me what happened between y’all. I told you that.”

“Please just hear me out. I don’t want to hurt anyone like that again. I told him the night his parents died I could see us being more than just friends. I told him we would talk about it later, after the funeral and everything. Three days later when he showed up at my place, I was in my room with my ex-girlfriend. I was drunk and wasn’t thinking straight. I must have blacked out for a bit because the next thing I know, TJ is on the ground in my backyard with a busted lip and holding his side.” By this point, the tears were streaming down my face and I had to choke back a few sobs. “I was yelling at him to get the fuck off my property and never talk to me again. I slammed the door in his face. I was confused and when I asked Kim what happened, she laughed and told me I kicked his ass, threw him out, and told me I called him some horrible names. I tried to call him and apologize, but I guess some things just can’t be made right.

“When I told you I was interested in you, I was serious. Please don’t doubt me. I like you and want to see you again. I would like to take you out. I want to kiss you more. A lot more. So, please believe me and give me a chance. Don’t stop this before it has a chance to start.”

He crossed the room and drew me into a hug. “I’m sorry I let my insecurities get to me. It happens a lot. I can’t promise this will be the last time. I let my self-doubt get to me and close people out. Just be patient with me. I want all of those things too. I’m sorry.”

Pete cleared his throat from the hallway and said, “If y’all finished getting back together before you’ve had a chance to break up, Scott and I need to leave.”

Ryan and I busted out laughing. I looked up at him and smiled. “What are you doing tomorrow during the day?”

“Nothing, why?”

I pulled out my phone and started a new text message. “What’s your number? Come over tomorrow and spend the day with me.” He gave me his number and I pressed send and Ryan’s phone sounded a few seconds later. “That’s my address. I’ll be up around nine, so come over any time after.”

Ryan did show up the next day, promptly at nine. I introduced him to my dad when he came home from work. Ryan drove me to the meeting that night and even came in with me, introducing himself as a supporter. After the meeting we went out on our first date. We ate dinner at Chili’s and then went back to my place. My dad told us goodnight and I asked if Ryan could stay the night. Surprising, my dad let him. We’ve been almost inseparable ever since.

Pete and I worked on the steps together. I made it through the first seven pretty quickly. The eighth step I was now purposefully avoiding. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. I wasn’t ready for that. There was no way in hell I could face TJ and try to make amends.

I know I said I was maybe going to do a story from Josh's POV, but Scott spoke to me first. I felt like he needed some redemption. He will be showing up in TJ again, though not often. 
Please let me know what you think by liking and/or leaving a review. 
I love to hear from y'all and I try to respond to every review.  
Look for Chapter 6 of TJ soon. (I just need to send it to @Kitt so she can get her red pen out and fix it for y'all).