Insomnia - 3. Negotiations

By the time Casey allowed himself to fall asleep, the sun was beginning to creep over the horizon. He had taken Ra's threat about influencing his dreams seriously and had spent the night roaming the dark house, watching infomercials on the television, surfing the net and had even snuck into Roma's room to steal her algebra homework and copy her answers. He felt a small tug of conscience for doing it, but he couldn't focus on anything right now, except the wild story Ra had told him. The unbelievable story. The impossible story.

He had also gone online to research the signs of schizophrenia and found that he fit an alarming number of the symptoms. He didn’t have delusions, but his hallucination did, and wasn't that the same thing? They both came from his mind. Difficulty organizing his thoughts? Check. Difficulty performing everyday activities? Also a check: he was letting Roma drive them to school and copying her schoolwork while he was racking up detentions.

Roma came in to shake him awake a mere hour and a half after he had finally closed his eyes. Casey mumbled something into his pillow and swatted her away.

"Come on, CJ, you'll be late."

Casey groaned and sat up, wiping at his eyes. "Okay, okay, I'm up."

When Casey drug himself down to breakfast, his mother glanced up and shook her head as he sat down at the table.

"Eat up young man, then head upstairs and go back to bed."

"Mom, I'm fine-" Casey started but his mother cut him off.

"No arguments. I know you didn't sleep last night, I heard you down here in the kitchen at three A.M."

Roma paused in the process of shoveling scrambled eggs into her mouth. "Casey?"

"I was thirsty," Casey mumbled, feeling the back of his neck grow hot. In truth he had made himself some coffee. Roma lived on the stuff, but Casey had always disliked the feeling coffee gave him...jittery and like his heart was about to beat out of his chest with a fake sheen of energy that didn't last. But he had been desperate to stay awake, suddenly afraid of the sleep he so desperately needed. Afraid of what Ra could do to him in his dreams.

"You look horrible," his mother continued. "You're staying home from school today and getting some rest. Your father and I will be gone this weekend-" Roma shot him a conspiratorial wink behind his mom's back "-but if you're not doing better by the time Monday rolls around, I'm taking you to the doctor."

"Whatever," Casey mumbled. He ate quietly, barely tasting his food. Roma followed him upstairs and stopped him outside his room. "Get some rest CJ," she murmured. "We need to make sure you're in good shape by tonight. You'll need the energy."

"I'll be fine," Casey reassured her, but he could tell by the anxiety in her eyes that she didn't quite believe him. He stepped inside his bedroom, shut the door and undressed down to his T-shirt and boxers before he got back into his bed. He listened to the creak and shuffle of bodies moving through the house, the rumble of the car as Roma pulled out of the garage to head to school.

"I need sleep," he said to the ceiling in his empty room, feeling ridiculous. "Please give me just a few hours. If you want to talk again, that's fine, I don't care. But you need to let me sleep. Just for a little bit."

Silence was all that answered him. Casey turned over onto his side, closed his eyes and his world faded away in mere seconds.

* * *

When Casey opened his eyes, he saw it was ten A.M. He sighed a little. Not as much as he was hoping for, but enough for now. He rolled onto his back, threw a heavy arm over his eyes.

"You're awake."

Casey removed his arm and glanced over to his window. Ra was standing near the blinds, staring out into the street. The sunlight painted faint lines on his body, alternating bands of shadow and light. The pattern made him look like a warrior, wary and dangerous.

"Yes," Casey said, sitting up. He rubbed his eyes and pulled on his jeans. He felt drowsy and disoriented, but with that strange sense of calm again.

"We are short on time," Ra said, still staring out the window, refusing to look at him. There was a single bar of light across Ra's eyes and Casey couldn't understand how he could tolerate the bright sun without squinting. Casey got up and went to the window, closed the blinds, casting the room in dim shadow. Without knowing why, Casey let his hands gently stroke Ra's long hair, remembering in his dreams how he had grabbed it, pulled it in his passion. Ra made a soft sound, like a sigh and moved his head, pulling away from Casey's hands. "What do you want from me?" Casey asked.

"I'm trying to protect you. If you stay here, without my protection, you will die. I'll have to return home to tell your Queen that her King is dead. It's always been my job to protect you. I don't understand why you won't let me now."

"Your King isn't here," Casey said. "I wish he was. But you don't understand. I'm just a teenager. A normal guy. I've never been a King. Besides your King hasn't been gone that long, has he?"

“Four moons," Ra answered. Casey took that to be four months, or something close to it.

"And I've been here for seventeen years," Casey answered. "So I can't be your King."

"Yes you can. Time between worlds is not a linear thing."

Casey sighed. An answer for everything. Wasn't that how schizophrenia worked? "How do you know it's me? That I'm not just some random guy?"

"I cannot approach anyone else from this world. Only you."

"Why?"

"Because you are my King and I am connected to you."

"How do you know that the other person and their...Champion are here too, looking for me?"

"They sent you here, to this place. Intentionally or unintentionally, if they can send you here, they can come over here too. And they probably did, disappearing at the same time you did. And they were in the middle of a duel with you. Until it's resolved, you are still in danger."

"How did they get over here? Or send...Tylien for that matter?"

"We do not know," Ra admitted. "We think that the mage attempted some kind of spell that went awry. This is not a dimension we are familiar with. Perhaps the mage was trying to send you elsewhere, but sent you here by mistake."

"No one has approached me," Casey said. "Or threatened me. I haven't had a confrontation with anyone besides you."

"I'm sure they are searching. The only thing that you have in your advantage is that you are not well connected to me right now. Our bond was broken when you were sent away. Once it is re-established, they'll be able to find us easily. But I will be able to protect you."

Casey shook his head. "I can't believe this. I can't believe any of this. It's just too unreal."

Ra turned to face Casey. "Please, my Lord. Let me keep you safe. If you want me to beg, I will."

Casey took a step back. "Ra-"

Ra dropped to his knees in front of him, arms around his waist, gripping the material of his jeans, his face pressed against the crease of his hips. "Please, my Lord, I implore you. I beg of you, please. Let me protect you, let me keep you safe from those who would harm you."

"Stop that," Casey said. He could tell from the strain in Ra's voice that it was a struggle for him to say those words. He tried to take another step back, but Ra kept him from moving. "Let go!" Ra released him and Casey stumbled back until he hit the bed, sitting down rather suddenly. "What do you need?"

"I need for us to re-establish our bond, our connection. It is what allows me to fight for you. Without it, I cannot protect you the way I need to ensure your safety."

"What happens once we re-establish or whatever?" Casey asked.

"It will alert the other pair, if they are here, that we are present and ready for combat," Ra said. His expression was still guarded but he seemed to show a little cautious enthusiasm at Casey's question. "That is a good thing. It will draw them out and we can finish the duel. It will also allow me to protect you more efficiently. Right now, I am only tied to your consciousness and so I am helpless against anyone else. Also, it will allow you to sleep again."

Casey perked up at that. "I thought I couldn't-"

"-while I am tied to your consciousness, I need your sleep deprivation to keep in communication with you," Ra said. "If we re-bond, I can exist on my own. You won't need to be operating on a different level of awareness for us to interact with each other anymore."

"And no more dreams?"

"Not unless you want them."

Casey closed his eyes. The very idea of more sleep, for hours without interruption, was incredibly tempting. Too much so. There was something Ra wasn't telling him. He opened his eyes. "What's the catch?"

"You won't like what is involved," Ra said.

Casey raised his eyebrows, already curious. "I didn't like going shopping with my sister yesterday either, but I still did it," Casey said. "Just tell me."

"I have to re-establish the bond with my Lord every time I take up defense for him."

"So every time you fight for the King," Casey said.

Ra nodded. "Yes. In order to bond with my Lord and to act in his protection, I have to--it involves consumption."

"I take it you’re not talking about TB here," Casey said. Ra looked nonplussed and Casey realized that he wouldn't get the joke. "Never mind. So what kind of consumption?"

"I have to consume something from my Lord," Ra said carefully.

Casey blinked, bewildered. "So, do I have to like cook you something?"

"No, my Lord," Ra said. He was smiling at little. "I have to consume something from your body."

"Oh," Casey said flatly. His overly slow brain took a minute to process that. "Oh. God." Casey took several steps toward the window, pressed a hand over his eyes. Memories of his dreams, with Ra's mouth around his cock flooded his mind. "I'm guessing you're not talking about blood."

"No, although we can try that if my Lord wishes it."

Casey shook his head. The last time someone took blood from him, which had been a blood drive at school, he had passed out. Worse than that was the humiliation that followed. People had ribbed him about it for weeks afterwards.

"What are my alternatives?"

"Aside from blood, I can take your semen."

Casey shut his eyes again. He felt dizzy. This was unreal. He crouched down on the ground and felt Ra moving in closer. "My Lord, are you okay?"

"Yeah, just give me a minute." Casey could feel his stomach hitching slightly, his breakfast wanting to come up. "Just don't mention blood again. It makes me sick just to think about it."

Casey took a couple deep breaths, remained crouched on the floor. It might have been cowardly of him, but it was better than having to look into Ra's face. "Why is this necessary?"

"I need the strength of my King in order to fight for him. Thus I have to consume the essence of my Lord. Blood or semen. Blood because it keeps the body alive. Semen because it brings forth new life. They are both very powerful and so give forth great strength to me."

Casey felt his stomach hitch again and pressed his face into his knees. God, he had just told Ra not to mention blood.

"That's ridiculous," he finally ground out. He was taken aback when Ra moved, shoving him down onto his back.

"It is the way we fight, my Lord," Ra said, pressing his face into Casey's crotch. "I must have something from you."

Casey squirmed away. "Not now!"

Ra's hands moved to the fly of his jeans. "I need to protect you."

Casey slapped his hands away and scrambled to his feet clumsily, stumbling a little. "Stop! Just...Christ, Ra, give me some time."

Ra rose up as well. "We are short on time my Lord."

"I know, I know." Casey held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I know. And I will cooperate, just give me a few minutes. Listen, I'm going to go take a shower. And we can do this after. Okay? Please, let me do that, okay?"

Ra stared at him for a minute, then nodded. "I will wait here," he declared, sitting on the bed. Casey sighed and gathered up a robe and towels, then shut the door of the bathroom, leaning against it, shaking slightly and breathing heavily. He slid down to the floor and spent a long moment staring at his feet.

He finally got up and went to the shower, turning it on hot and stepping under the spray. It was a little too hot and he jumped a little, muscles tensing until his blind fingers found the knob and turned the heat down a little. It was obvious he needed more sleep. Normally he was a little squeamish about blood but never to the degree he was back in there, in his bedroom. Never even came close to feeling he would pass out or get sick just from the mere mention of it. He was scared, that he was going crazy, losing his mind and that if he could just sleep...

What if he was in danger?

Casey shook his head angrily, like he was trying to shake away the crazy thoughts in his head. This was insane. Insane.

There was nothing about his semen, or blood, that Ra would need. Nothing that would re-establish their connection. Ra's talk was all nonsense, a kind of superstition that was obviously highly accepted in Ra's world. But still—if Ra did this and Casey could get some sleep...

Roma's party would last all night and she would be disappointed if he bowed out early. And maybe, if he did get some sleep, there was always the slim possibility that all this would just melt away. Be like a bad dream. And Ra and his protection issues and the Kingdom without a ruler would be forgotten. Someone else's problem.

But then he would have to let Ra...

He shivered a little bit under the warm water. He was a little nervous about that prospect. Being in the closet, he hadn't had a lot of experience with other guys, a couple of clumsy, groping encounters with Joel in an empty classroom or under the bleachers after school. But in all honestly, he was a virgin and not experienced. Ra's offer was tempting in that regard. Casey was curious and couldn’t deny his attraction to the other man. He remembered Ra's hair in his hands, the heat in those blue eyes, the heavy welcome weight on top of him when they kissed. His cock began to rise, showing a definite interest in the direction Casey's thoughts were taking.

He sighed and scrubbed off. Despite everything, he still didn't believe he was this King person that Ra was so devoted to, didn't believe there was anyone around that was any danger to him except for Roma when she had PMS, and he didn't think that getting a blow job would do anything else but make him feel good. Very good.

His cock gave another appreciative twitch.

In the end, wouldn't he just be taking advantage of Ra and his crazy ideas? Did it matter that Ra obviously believed them?

And didn't he just want some damn sleep? Would he let his conscience for a persistent hallucination take that away from him?

"Hell no," Casey said aloud and stepped out of the shower.

* * * 

After Casey had dried off, donned a pair of boxer briefs and tied his robe securely around him, he stepped out of the wet steam and into the bedroom. Ra was sitting in the exact same spot and Casey wondered if he had moved at all the entire time he was in the shower. Ra glanced at him, the question in his eyes.

"I--I need some proof, first. Just anything, to prove that this is real."

Ra nodded. "Come to the window, my Lord."

Casey went to the window and Ra stepped behind him.

"Open it."

Casey pulled up the blinds and opened the window. Cool air and warm sunshine buffeted his face and chest.

"Do you trust me?" Ra asked.

Casey put his hands up, on either side of the window, suddenly terrified. One shove against his back and he would be falling from his upper story window onto the hard concrete of the driveway underneath him. But while Ra's visits were nothing but unpleasant, he had never tried to seriously hurt him.

"Yes," Casey finally managed.

"Close your eyes."

Casey closed his eyes. He felt Ra's hands come up to touch him, one on either side of his head, coming up through his hair and cradling his skull.

"Open," Ra whispered.

Casey opened his eyes and felt the world swirl in a brief sense of vertigo. He was no longer looking out his window at his normal suburban neighborhood. He was standing on some kind of open balcony with carved pillars of stone supporting the roof above him. He could see for miles, saw an open valley dotted with houses and buildings. Beyond that was a large, flat body of water, either a lake or a large river. Beyond that, a massive range of tall mountains stretched towards the sky, which was a rich, dazzling blue, so bright it almost hurt to look at. Turning his head, he could see towers and turrets rising up in the air around him.

He blinked again, and the sweeping vista disappeared, revealing the houses and cars and roads that had always been there. Casey swallowed down a hard lump of disappointment. Everything he had just seen, was a place he knew he had never been before, except he somehow knew that he was meant to. It sent an unexplained longing of homesickness and nostalgia through him. That place, with the rolling valley of green, the smooth reflective lake and the piercing blue sky, was him, a deep sacred part of him and he needed to be back there.

"What was that?" Casey finally managed. Continuing to stare out at the meaningless, bland slice of suburbia outside hurt him, so he shut the window and turned away.

"That was your kingdom," Ra said. "A view from one of the upper towers. That valley, the lake, all of it belongs to you and your queen. That is your home. Where you belong."

Casey closed his eyes and swallowed. Another hallucination and Ra was here to explain it away again. His thoughts were beginning to circle inside of his head, bouncing off each other and making it difficult to form a logical conclusion. This had to be what going crazy felt like. Had to be. He was so fucking tired.

"Okay," Casey said, feeling defeated. "I agree to do this...consumption thing, and to cooperate. But only if you promise, promise, I'll be able to get some more sleep after we do this. Because I can't go on like this much longer."

Ra nodded. "I promise. I will watch over you and make sure nothing disturbs you."

Casey nodded as well. "Okay." He could get some rest and figure out all this later. As long as he could hide the fact that he was going crazy, so he wouldn’t be taken away from his home and his school and his friends and his music. The beautiful vista he had seen rose up inside him again accompanied by another wave of longing melancholy.

A long pause stretched out between the two of them, an uncomfortable tension in the air. Ra finally got up and stood in front of Casey. He reached out and slowly undid Casey's robe, parting the material to slide a hand inside, around his waist and up his back, between his shoulders. "Don't worry," Ra said, whispering into Casey's ear, sliding his hot tongue around the shell after the reassurance. "Just do what I tell you to."

Casey nodded, feeling relaxed and humble. Ra was in his element right now, all calm and confidence. Ra gently caressed Casey's neck, bringing his hand up to tilt Casey's face towards him and kissed him. Gentle and slow, unhurried. Casey felt a lump rise up in his throat, taken aback by this sweetness and tenderness. This had not been what he was expecting. Ra's hands trailed their way down, over his chest and stomach, down to where flesh met cotton, resting on his hips, Ra's thumbs on the curve of his pelvic bone.

"Go sit on the bed," Ra commanded softly. Casey did as ordered; crossing the room on shaky legs and sitting on the edge of the bed, robe still on. Ra knelt down near his feet, ran a hand up his thigh.

“My Lord,” Ra whispered and pressed a chaste, almost reverent kiss to the interior of Casey’s knee. Casey felt something twist and hitch inside him at hearing the way Ra spoke to him. This was so wrong. He wasn’t the King that Ra would fight and sacrifice for. He wasn’t the person that Ra would lay his life down for. It wasn’t him, no matter what happy delusion Ra suffered under. He was a high school student and had done nothing spectacular in his life. Nothing that made him special. Nothing that earned him this respect, this devotion. He was a lie, a sham. But it was so hard to argue when Ra was running his mouth up his inner thigh, sliding the wet tip of his tongue underneath the hem of his boxer briefs. Even though he knew where this was heading, he still gasped and jumped when he felt Ra’s warm hand cup his crotch.

“You’re not hard,” Ra said softly, giving him a gentle squeeze.

“Sorry,” Casey said, his voice a light gasp.

"Don't." Ra’s hand gently worked his cock through the cotton. "What arouses you my Lord?"

"I don't…don't know," Uncertain, Casey tried to shift his hips away from Ra's hands. The minute he tried to move away, Ra was on top of him, pressing Casey onto his back, hands pinned above his head. Casey's breath left him in a rush and he tried to ignore the feeling awakening in his stomach, the blood flowing into his cock. Ra's eyes traveled over his body, rested on Casey's cock, which was growing noticeably hard. "You appear to appreciate restraint my Lord," he said. Ra freed one hand to squeeze him, keeping the other one locked around Casey's wrists.

"I do not," Casey almost snarled, trying to break free, but without success. To his mortification, his cock responded even more to his struggles by growing harder.

"I'm sure," Ra murmured. In one swift movement he pulled the belt on Casey's robe free and looped it around his wrists, before tugging them above his head and tying them to the rails on his headboard.

"Hey," Casey protested weakly, pulling weakly at his hands. They remained firmly bound.

"Relax my Lord," Ra said, pressing a kiss against Casey's neck.

"But I can't move my hands," Casey said.

"Of course not," Ra said. He placed a firm kiss on Casey's sternum, then focused on removing Casey's underwear, pulling it down his legs and ankles, tugging it free and placing it aside. Casey automatically tried to close his legs, Ra's hands on his knees preventing it. "That's the point, is it not?" Ra bent his head, kissed the inside of Casey's thigh.

Casey shivered as Ra's long hair brushed against his cock, which was fully erect and wanting attention. "Let me take care of you my Lord," Ra said, sliding his tongue along the crease of his thigh. Casey moaned a little bit as Ra's tongue slid up his shaft, brushing up against the tip. He opened his mouth to say something but his words were lost in a gasp as Ra took his entire cock into his mouth. He let out a desperate, strangled sound and thrust his hips up, hard. Ra's hands were already there, anticipating, holding him still. Casey had never felt so aroused as he did right then, bound and exposed and vulnerable with that hot mouth devouring his cock. He bit down on his lower lip as Ra's mouth worked him, his tongue mapping the shape of his cock, licking and sucking at the head.

"Please," he said, his voice hoarse and almost unrecognizable as his own. He squirmed a little bit, his wrists aching as he tugged against the restraint again. Damn that man for doing this!

Ra was insistent on his work, sliding his lips all the way down Casey's cock, taking him into his throat. Casey whimpered, pressing his hips forward. He only vaguely noticed the foreign presence pressing against his opening and by the time he figured out what Ra was planning, it was too late to protest. "Nuh-" Casey said as the finger slid smoothly up inside him. He clenched against the invasion but there was little he could do. And then it didn't even matter, because that finger pressed against something and then Casey was coming, heels digging into the mattress and hips straining up as he emptied himself into Ra's mouth. He felt the constrictions of Ra's throat around his cock as he swallowed. Ra continued to work his mouth around him until Casey pulled a foot back and levered it against Ra's hip, gently pushing him away.

"Enough," he whispered. He closed his eyes, felt Ra's weight shift above him, but hardly noticed.

Images were flooding his head. People. Places. A large waterfall as high as his eyes could see, the sound of it like rolling thunder all around him, a cool mist wetting his face and hair and clothes. A large room, filled with people, noise, a thousand voices vying for his attention. A beautiful woman, smiling at him, in a shimmering lace gown and what could only be diamonds glittering at her ears and throat. Walking down a dark stone hallway with Ra at his side. The beautiful woman he knew as his wife half undressed and blushing, gazing up at him shyly. Ra and himself and his wife all sitting together, laughing at a story she was telling. A hard, angry face staring at him while two large animals wrestled on a marble floor in front of him. Pain. Such pain.

Casey opened his eyes. Ra was watching him, propped up next to him in the bed. Casey pushed himself up on his elbows, noticing that his wrists were no longer tied and feeling a little disoriented.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"You've been sleeping for hours," Ra reported. Casey checked his watch and gave a little mental sigh. Roma would be home any minute.

Casey turned onto his back, stared up at the ceiling. "What's her name?"

Ra didn't even have to ask who he was talking about. "Aliana."

"She's beautiful."

"Yes," Ra agreed.

"So it's done?" Casey asked. Ra nodded.

"Yes. The partial recovery of your memories proves it was successful." A short pause. "Your sister is home."

Casey's eyes widened and he leapt out of bed, pulling his jeans on. "Did she see you?"

Ra shook his head. "I locked the door while you slept. She knocked and called but didn't come in."

"Okay, okay." Casey ran his hands through his hair. "Just stay there and don't move." He unlocked the door and raced downstairs where he could hear the television. When he came into the living room, he saw Roma, watching television and eating ice cream.

"Hey hey, Casey J," she said. "What's up?"

"Nothing. I slept all day," he lied.

"Good, it looked like you needed it." She stood up, licking ice cream off her spoon. "Are you up for some partying tonight?"

"Sure thing," Casey said.

"Cool," Roma said. "Be ready around seven, I'll need your help getting stuff set up."

Casey nodded again. "I'll be ready."