Insomnia - 1. Casey

Casey wondered if people who went crazy, knew they were going crazy. Knew that the things they saw, heard, were not real; were not the truth. Or if they just accepted it was truth, let themselves slide into delusion and psychosis, easily, smoothly, until they didn't even realize how deeply they were caught in the intricate trap their own minds had created.

Casey feared he was going crazy. The fact that he was aware of it did little to reassure him.

At first, there were just the dreams; mostly confusing, sometimes embarrassing. Dreams of another body moving against his, warm hands ghosting over his skin. A face that he could never see clearly, a hot mouth on his neck and sinful whispers into his ear. It was not uncommon for him to wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and his cock hard, swollen and leaking against the sheets. While irritating, it had not been too much of an issue. A few hard strokes and he would orgasm, clean up quickly then roll over to fall back asleep again with no problem.

Then things started happening while he was awake. A voice would murmur soft nonsense near his ear, but when he turned his head, no one would be there. He would feel phantom touches, along his arm or the back of his neck. Once during class, he had felt something ice-cold drift along his face and it freaked him out so much that he had jumped up from his desk and ran from the room. That earned him a week of detention and a failing grade on the test he had been taking. Sometimes he would even see things, a little dash of movement in his peripheral vision.

The only one to really notice his odd behavior was his twin sister, Roma.

"You look a little distracted there CJ," she said, using his childhood nickname as she approached. It was lunchtime and he was sitting at a picnic table outside, trying unsuccessfully to finish up his algebra homework. He would have done it last night, except he was so exhausted from waking up in the middle of the night with a raging hard-on that he had fallen asleep at his desk and slept through his morning alarm. If Roma hadn't come in his room to borrow one of his belts, he might have missed school all together.

"I haven't been sleeping well," he said.

Roma nodded. "Yeah, I noticed."

Casey glanced up at her and smiled. Despite being twins, they looked nothing alike. Roma was slender and petite, tiny next to her tall, lanky brother. She kept her blond hair cut short and was dressed in short brown shorts that showed off her long tan legs with a green top that brought out the sharp green of her eyes. Casey, in contrast, wore his brown hair in a long shaggy style that covered his eyes, and donned jeans with T-shirts or hoodies. Roma was always trying to get him to wear things more stylish, which Casey vehemently resisted. He liked being comfortable.

"Maybe you should take, like, some melatonin or something," Roma suggested. She sat down on the table next to his books and took a sip from her Starbuck's latte.

"What is melatonin?"

"It helps you sleep, cures insomnia. It also gives you really vivid dreams."

Casey shivered a little, despite the warm weather. "No thanks. That's the last thing I need."

Roma gave him a speculative look. "You're not having nightmares again, are you?"

Casey shook his head. Like hell he would tell his sister what he was dreaming about. "I never had nightmares."

"Yeah, you did, when you were really little," Roma said. "Remember, when you were about five or six? You would just start screaming your head off in the middle of the night, woke up everyone in the house. I eventually started to sneak into bed with you after Mom and Dad went to bed and you stopped having them."

"Christ Roma, how can you remember that far back?" Casey asked.

Roma shrugged. "I have an excellent memory."

Casey wasn't listening. There it was again, that flicker in the edge of his vision. He focused on it and, to his surprise, the image didn't fade or chase away. There was definitely something there. He squinted a little, brushing his hair back from his face, focusing.

A man was leaning against the tree. Staring at him, definitely staring. Casey couldn't see much from his vantage point, just a thick rope of dark hair, skin that was too pale for Southern California and a great deal of dark clothing. Holy shit, was that a cape?

Casey blinked and the man was gone. Disappeared, just like that.

"What are you staring at?" Roma asked.

Casey quickly averted his gaze, settled it on something else. "Nothing."

Roma gave him a long calculating stare. "Who is it?"

"No-one Roma," Casey said, a hard tone creeping into his voice.

Roma sighed. "Listen, I understand that you’re in the whole denial "not wanting to come out" thing, even though I think you're being silly because Mom and Dad won't care if you're gay or straight or whatever. But don't pretend with me. You're checking out Raphael, aren't you?"

Casey blushed, could fill his face filling up with the warm flush as visions of the dark-haired athlete burst into his mind. "Am not."

Roma snorted and leaned back until she was resting her weight against her hands. "Give it a break. You'd be crazy not to. He's been the number one prime ever since he started here."

And if I am crazy? Casey thought bitterly.

Luckily, Roma had gotten distracted from the conversation about Raphael, and was waving at a small knot of people walking towards their table. Roma always attracted people wherever she went, a trait that Casey was glad enough not to share.

Soon Giovanni and Selena joined them, flopping down on the grass. They were the only other pair of fraternal twins in the same class as Casey and Roma and felt a special type of kinship. Casey liked both of them. Giovanni was a gentle and soft-spoken geek with glasses and blond curly hair that the girls in school were always playing with to annoy him. Serena was more cheerful and outgoing. She liked hippie clothes, awful smelling patcholi perfume and had a lot of weird new-age ideas, but she was kind like her brother and had helped tutor Casey last year when he was struggling with his English assignments.

Joel, a long time friend of Casey's, approached a few moments later with his new girlfriend, Andrea, and sat on the bench next to the table. They were trailed by Lucy, Roma's best friend, who sat on her other side. Lucy was slender and petite like Roma was and looked similar enough that they were often mistaken for siblings.

"What's up?" Andrea asked. Joel casually wrapped an arm around her waist, before glancing up challengingly at Casey. Joel had briefly experimented with Casey before hooking up with Andrea and while Casey had no ill feelings towards the other boy, Joel always seems to be watching Casey for some kind of reaction, even though Casey wasn't sure what Joel was expecting to see.

"Any of you guys ever have insomnia?" Casey asked.

"What?" Andrea asked.

"Insomnia. Trouble sleeping," Giovanni put in from his place on the grass. He swept his curly hair back from his face with one hand. "I get it sometimes. Like if I have to stay up really late to cram for a test or finish a project, I'll have trouble sleeping for the next few days."

"I have the opposite problem," Selena said. "I can barely stay awake. Doesn't matter if I go to bed at 9 or midnight, it's always all I can do to get up in the morning."

"Well, you're just lazy," Giovanni teased. Selena punched him in the arm, and her brother laughed. "And a wimp."

Andrea shrugged. "I have trouble when school starts back after the summer from staying up so late every night and then having to get up early for school."

"No." Casey shook his head. "Not like that. Like, falling asleep but not being able to stay asleep."

And then, just like that, it was happening again. His vision blurred, doubled. He blinked to clear it and saw the faces of his friends shift and slide. Instead of dappled sunshine he saw dark surroundings of gray stone, and a scattering of unfamiliar, unfriendly faces staring at him.

Casey froze and blinked, a long deliberate movement rather than a flutter of his eyelids and when he opened them everything was as it had been before. A surge of vertigo and nausea rolled over him in a slow wave and he gripped the edge of the table to steady himself. He noticed Joel giving him an odd look and quickly averted his gaze, focusing on the weathered boards and the grass underneath them until he felt more or less normal again.

"-and so the doctor told my mom to get a new mattress, you know, one of those tempurpedic things?" Lucy was saying. "And she did and then the pain in her legs was just gone, like that."

"It's not pain waking me up," Casey said.

"What about caffeine?" Giovanni suggested.

Casey shook his head.

"Try some honey before you go to bed," Selena suggested.

"Another one of your stupid hippie cures?" Andrea asked.

Selena gave her a withering look. "It's scientifically proven to contain tryptophan, which helps promote sleep."

"So does turkey, doesn't it?" Roma asked from her spot on the table, tipping her cup back to swallow the last of her latte.

"Yes, although some of us should probably lay off of the turkey," Selena replied, giving Andrea a pointed look.

"Excuse me?" Andrea replied, bristling.

"Ladies," Joel said in a long-suffering voice and Casey ducked his head to hide his smile.

Roma shrugged. "Well, I think -“ She stopped talking and grinned as a soccer ball shot it's way through the trees, rolling to an innocuous stop near their table.

"Kyle!" Roma squealed as a tall, well-built teen came jogging out after the ball. She ran across the grass and jumped into his arms. He caught her easily, hugging her back as she wrapped all four of her long limbs around him. Casey caught Kyle’s eye over her shoulder and shot him a quick wink before turning his attention back to his algebra homework. A teacher was stalking in their direction, surely inflamed by Roma’s public display of affection. Casey felt something tingle up his back, like someone was staring at him and glanced up again. No stranger in sight.

But right before he returned his eyes to his textbook, he saw Raphael behind Kyle on the far end of the soccer field and couldn’t help the smile on his face.

Casey lay in his room in the middle of the night, his hand busily working his cock. He had another one of those dreams, those damn dreams, and he knew it was hopeless to get back to sleep unless he relieved the raging erection that always accompanied them. He knew he was no prude and he loved masturbating, but this was ridiculous. He sped up his strokes, let the dream play on rewind inside his head since he was so close anyway and in a few more strokes he was gasping, gritting his teeth as his release gushed warm over his hand and stomach. He sighed shakily, giving his cock a few more gentle squeezes, then reached over for the tissues on his nightstand. He cleaned himself off and tossed them into the trashcan near his bed. After the first few dreams, he had learned how valuable it was to keep his clean up supplies close at hand.

He tossed an arm over his eyes and sighed. His body was suffused with the pleasant pliant exhaustion that followed orgasm, but his wide-awake mind was racing. He had been having the same type of dream for two weeks solid. Even when he hit puberty and had wet dreams, they weren’t like this. They never woke him and they had never been so…relentless.

Frankly he was getting tired of it. He was exhausted all day long and having the same dream night after night after night was a little on the obnoxious side. Although he didn’t mind the content, he could use one night when he didn’t lie awake afterwards. He needed some sleep.

With that thought in his mind, he rolled back over onto his stomach and prepared to wait out another long night.

“You look awful,” Roma said the next morning as Casey dragged himself into the kitchen for breakfast.

Casey was too tired to fire off his usual smart aleck response and just went to the refrigerator to get some OJ. He poured himself a glass and then plopped down at the table.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” his mother asked, stepping away from the stove and placing her cool hand on Casey’s forehead. “Are you sick?”

“No,” Casey told her, leaning away. “Just tired.”

“Casey has insomnia,” Roma interjected in between bites of her pancakes. Casey gave her a dark look and Roma shrugged innocently.

“I’ve noticed you’ve been looking tired lately. Maybe we should take you to a doctor,” his mother said, stepping back from the table and returning to the stove. She slid a couple more pancakes from the pan to a plate and set them in front of Casey. “Eat up now.”

“I don’t need a doctor,” Casey said, drowning his pancakes in syrup. Maybe the sugar would keep him awake for a while.

“He can probably prescribe you something to help you sleep,” his mother said, turning off the burner and wiping her hands on a dish towel. Casey sometimes thought his Mom could give June Cleaver a run for her money as far as housewives went. She didn’t wear high heels and pearls to vacuum or anything, but he knew he and Roma were one of the few families whose mom made sure they had a hot breakfast before they left home everyday.

“I don’t have trouble going to sleep, I have trouble staying asleep,” Casey said, before stuffing warm pancakes into his mouth.

“It’s probably stress,” Roma said, wiping her mouth and getting

up from the table. She rinsed her plate off and placed it in the dishwasher. “Hurry up, CJ, or we’ll be late.”

Casey rolled his eyes and loaded his fork up with the remainder of his breakfast, stuffing it into his mouth before running upstairs to grab his books. His mother intercepted him on his way back downstairs.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay home today?” his mother offered. “I’ll write you a note if you want to skip some classes and get some rest.”

God, he must look bad if his own mom was offering to let him stay home. He gave her a quick, one-armed hug. “Thanks, but I’ll be fine Mom. I’ll rest up this weekend, okay?”

“Okay, honey, if you are sure.”

“I’m sure.”

It was a sign of how exhausted he was when he tossed Roma the car keys. They usually divided the ride to school, Casey driving to school and Roma driving home, but Casey was too tired to deal with the inevitable morning gridlock and search for a parking space at the overcrowded school. He ignored Roma’s look of half concern and half sympathy, and rested his head against the headrest of the car, hoping for a quick nap on the ride before classes started.

Roma searched Casey out at lunchtime, carrying a bag from Starbucks. She found him stretched out on top of their usual picnic table, head pillowed on his backpack and his sunglasses on. She sighed and sat down on the table next to him.

“Hey Roma.”

She jumped a little then turned to glare at Casey, who was smiling a little. “Christ, Casey, I wish you wouldn’t do that. It’s creepy.”

“Sorry.”

“I thought you were asleep,” she said, leaning down to rummage through the bag.

“Nah, it’s too bright out,” Casey said, sitting back up. Now, like many times, he thought Roma looked a lot like the anime characters in the books she liked to read: cute, pixie-like and endlessly cheerful.

“Here, I brought this for you,” Roma said, holding out a can. Casey took it. “It’s a Starbucks Doubleshot and it’s vanilla flavored, since I know you don’t really like the taste of coffee that much. It has vitamins and energy, so maybe it’ll perk you up so you can get through classes this afternoon.”

“You noticed I was having trouble with that, huh?” Casey asked with a grin. The whole class had noticed, actually, when Casey had fallen asleep during a dramatic reading of scenes in Macbeth and had only awakened after the teacher had called his name several times because he missed his cue. Casey, confused and disoriented, had looked at his book and read the first line he came across, which had belonged to Lady Macbeth. The entire class had erupted in laughter, including his sister.

Casey was just grateful Raphael wasn’t in the same British Lit class as him. He didn’t really want the Doubleshot, but he opened it anyway to avoid hurting Roma’s feelings. He drank it with several deep swallows. It wasn’t too bad and if it would help him stay awake, he was all for it. Automatically his eyes scanned his surroundings for Raphael and found him near the soccer fields, practicing some drills with some other guys. He smiled a little as he watched him.

He knew Raphael had Roma’s approval, but he had no intention of trying to start a relationship with the tall, attractive soccer player. As a crush, Raphael was perfect. But as a boyfriend he probably wouldn’t last long. He was a devoted athlete and Casey was a musician. Raphael was popular and Casey was a loner. If this was a high school love flick, it wouldn’t matter, but as things stood, Casey knew it wouldn’t work out. At first, he might tolerate going to Raphael’s soccer games and loud parties and at first, Raphael would probably tolerate listening to Casey’s slow jazz, especially if Casey wrote a song or two for him, but as time went on, the differences would make any bond wear thin. Never mind the consideration that Raphael might not even be gay.

But a crush, sweet and simple and feeling good while it lasted worked for him right now.

Most importantly, he wouldn’t have to come out to his parents yet. He really wanted to wait until college.

Of course, there was no harm in looking. Casey smiled a little as his eyes traced the tall, well-muscled figure, and long limbs; strength and grace combined in an attractive package. Dark hair and eyes, tanned skin, sexy features made Raphael, as Roma had phrased it, “number one prime”. It was suspicious how he didn’t have a girlfriend, gave some credence to the theory he was gay.

Nope, no harm in looking, not one bit.

Roma was waiting for Casey by the car when he exited detention that afternoon. She was sitting on the hood of their car, which Casey told her a million times not to do, showing off a lot of leg and talking to Kyle…and Raphael. Casey’s heart did a long slow flip in his chest as he approached. Raphael was obviously done with his soccer practice, he was dressed in casual clothes and his hair was still damp from his shower. He offered Casey a shy smile as he approached. Kyle’s attention, as always, was focused on his girlfriend. Roma smiled as Casey approached as well.

“Ready to go?” she asked, sliding from the hood of the car.

“I guess,” Casey said, glancing in Raphael’s direction again. Raphael met his gaze, gave him another smile. Not as shy and definitely more than friendly. Something warm and tingly shot down his spine, coiled warm and heavy in his thighs and groin. He liked that smile.

“I was telling Kyle and Raphael about our party this weekend,” Roma said. “They both said that they would love to be there.”

Casey had forgotten that Roma had planned what she promised to be a “small, quiet, get together” at the house this weekend while their parents were away. Casey, who knew that Roma’s “small private get togethers” usually ended up translating into “large, rowdy, get shut down by the cops” parties, had sworn off involvement.

“Excellent,” Casey said, taking a chance and returning Raphael’s flirtatious smile with one of his own. A faint blush appeared on Raphael’s face and Casey’s grin grew slightly. He was too cute.

“What time?” Kyle asked.

“Around 7:30, okay?” Roma said. “No beer.”

“No problem gorgeous,” Kyle said, leaning down to kiss her. The kiss went on a little longer than Casey liked, but he kept quiet as he opened up the car door and threw his bag inside. Roma broke away from Kyle with a smile and slid into the driver’s side seat, starting the engine.

“So how was detention?” she asked, still grinning.

“Boring, as detentions have a tendency to be,” Casey answered. At least this was his last session. “Got a lecture from the teacher about appropriate classroom behavior that does not include stalking out in the middle of a test, yada yada yada before I left.”

“Did you see who was with Kyle?” Roma asked, the excited glee in her voice raising it several octaves.

“I’m not blind Roma,” Casey said. He felt amazingly good. Maybe he should try that Doubleshot thing again. He had dozed a little in detention, but had not allowed himself to fall all the way asleep. The last thing he needed was to have that dream in the classroom, especially if he woke up with the same problem that ailed him at home.

“Did you see the way he smiled at you? He totally wants you,” Roma said, bouncing in her seat slightly with excitement.

“Chill Roma,” Casey said, slightly amused. His sister appeared more excited about this than he was.

“You two need to hook up!”

“Roma…”

“Not long term,” Roma said, holding up a hand to hold off his tirade as she slowed to a stop at a red light. “I know you have some weird issue about that. But just as, like, a fling or something. He’ll be at the party. Get him up in your room, fuck his brains out and see if he’s good for a booty call.”

“God, Roma, you kiss our mother with that mouth?”

Roma turned and stuck her tongue out at him. “Don’t tell me that wasn’t exactly what you were thinking.”

It was exactly what he was thinking, but he would be damned if he would tell his sister that.

Casey sat at his desk that evening, tapping his pen against his notebook. His eyes felt tired and heavy and he was tempted to just give up and crawl into his warm, soft bed. But he was in danger of failing algebra and he couldn't afford to skip another homework assignment. He blinked, tried to focus on the numbers in front of him. He only managed three more problems before he could feel his eyes drifting shut and his face going slack. Groaning, he reached up and clicked off his desk lamp and stumbled to bed, not even bothering to wash his face or brush his teeth. He kicked off his jeans and collapsed onto his mattress, thinking vaguely that he might just copy Roma's homework tomorrow before class, if she would let him.

Exhausted, he lay there with his eyes closed, but his overtaxed mind would not slip into sleep. He remembered the slow easy smile Raphael had given him and felt that pleasant warmth in his groin again. Flashes of Raphael slipped through his mind. Images that he had filed away without really noticing. After soccer practice, his sweat damp hair fringing his face. Stepping out of the gym showers, steam billowing, water beading his pink skin. In class, that expression of focused concentration as he studied whatever it was the teachers were trying to drill into their brains. Casey smiled into his pillow, feeling his face grow hot. Maybe he should take Roma’s advice and approach him this weekend to try to get to know him a little better. If only he knew more about soccer...

Casey drifted into a dozing state while thinking of Raphael, leading to a sweet mix of dream and fantasy. Before long, Raphael had faded out completely, to be replaced by his phantom lover, the one that always visited him in his dreams.

But this time, there was face to connect to those amorous touches. Dark blue eyes, set in a serious, fine boned face with sharp cheekbones, thin lips. Lips that were intent on catching his in a deep, almost bruising kiss. Strong hands gripped him tightly and a long tail of dark hair tickled his neck and slid over his hands as Casey wound his arms around the stranger’s neck. His hair was long and soft, almost like a girls, but the hardness pressing against his body underneath the sheets made it clear his soon to be lover was all male.

Casey moaned a little as those skilled lips attacked his neck. "My Lord," the man whispered, his voice a sexy raspy husk near his ear. Casey spread his legs and writhed up against him, already hard and needy, not caring about the words that were just whispered into his ear. The man could call him whatever he wanted. A rough hand slid up Casey’s thigh, squeezed his hip as lips leisurely made their way over his body, a sly tongue tracing his collarbone, sliding wetly over the pointed peak of nipple. Casey gasped and arched up. His hands felt heavy and useless, his tongue was dead in his mouth.

"My Lord," his lover whispered it once again, breath hot against his skin as that talented mouth slid down his abdomen. A tongue slid over his hipbone and down the crease of his thigh. Casey moaned, feeling wanton and sexy and utterly shameless as he spread his legs further, offered his hips up. The stranger’s mouth, warm and wet, closed around Casey's erection.

"Ugh!" Casey, incoherent, could do little more than cry out insignificant vocalizations. He felt like he was burning up, his skin blazing where the stranger’s lips had touched him, being consumed in a raw blaze of pleasure. His hands fell on the stranger’s head, fingers lost in that mane of hair, holding his head there. But his lover didn't seem too inclined to move, sucking him, pulling him deeper into his mouth and throat, tongue working along his shaft, making him gasp and thrust his hips forward. "God, God, yes..."

Casey cried out, waking up with a jerk, his eyes flying open to stare into the semi darkness of his bedroom. His orgasm was already upon him and he could do little more than thrust and grind against the mattress underneath him, muffling his cries against the pillow as cum erupted from his body, drenching his boxers. He lay there for a few seconds more, panting and biting the pillow in his frustrations. Those damn dreams!!

Who the hell was this guy showing up in his dreams every night? Why couldn't he at least dream of someone who he fucking knew? Someone he knew, even if it was disturbing, would make more sense than this. He grit his teeth, tried to push aside his frustrations and searched vainly for sleep again.