Soul Music: Love Sustained - 2. Telling the Truth

At home, Tony was finishing up answering some emails. He looked at the time. Geoff was later getting back from his mother than he'd anticipated. Tony rubbed the bridge of his nose. Whether the lateness was any indication of how the conversation had gone, he had no idea. If Geoff hadn't got past the first sentence, then maybe he would've been back a lot sooner? Tony closed the lid of his laptop. He wasn't an expert in coming out, same as the vast majority of gay men. Each one of them had to find their own unique way.

His own mum had already worked it out when he finally declared who he was, and as for his dad … Tony scowled. At the time, relations between the pair of them been bad for so long that he hadn't given a fuck what his dad thought. For every snide comment he reacted to, there were dozens more he tried to ignore. It was a particularly cruel twist that his mum was no longer around. She would've loved Geoff, made a fuss of him, and welcomed him into his second family with open arms. Tony wiped a tear away. It always got to him when he thought of his mum.

With a sigh, he moved to pick up his phone. He didn't want to be over-protective – they'd agreed that this was something Geoff needed to do for himself. However, two hours after Geoff was due to meet his mum, Tony thought he was OK to phone. He could always leave a voicemail, and follow it up with a text. In one of those weird coincidences, as he unlocked the phone's screen, it rang. Geoff's ringtone. Tony accepted the call, then realised he didn't know how to start the conversation. He decided to let Geoff begin.

At first, there was silence. Changing his mind, Tony was about to speak when he heard a short series of sniffs together with a hiccuping kind of whimper. He steeled himself for bad news.

“Geoff?”

That you, Tony? Geoff's voice wavered, subdued, full of unshed tears.

Tony's heart went out to him. “Yes, love. I'm here. How was it?” Not that he had much doubt now about something having gone awry.

A disaster.

Another loud sniff. Tony closed his eyes for a moment.

A complete fucking disaster. She doesn't want to see me again, Tony. My own mother. And she's going to sell the house from under me. Where am I gonna live? It was awful. She asked me who my girlfriend was.

“What!?” The exclamation escaped before Tony could stop it.

Yeah, my fucking girlfriend. So I told her. No preparation, no niceties. Nothing. Just it. Us. Tony, she said such awful things.

“People do …”

Shit, Tony. I'm useless. Completely fucking useless.

Tony heard full-on crying, noisy, heart-rending sobs. He couldn't bear it.

“Geoff, love, listen to me.” Tony waited until he thought Geoff was a little more in control of himself. “You are not useless. No way. You're my best friend. You're everything I ever wanted in a partner, and I adore you.”

Tony found it hard to keep back his own tears. He held the phone at arm's length while he took several steadying breaths. Geoff needed him. Now was not the time for both of them to be an emotional wreck.

Yes? Geoff sounded surprised.

“Of course you are, you daft sod. We're made for each other.”

Geoff let out a brief, watery chuckle. Tony's spirits lifted slightly.

“OK … Where're you parked, love?”

Parked? I'll be on my way back as soon as we finish this call.

“I don't think so.” Tony tried not to let too much of his alarm creep into his voice. “Do you really feel fit to drive?”

There was a hesitation, then Geoff answered. No. I suppose not. Hnh. Continually breaking into tears isn't the best state to be in when you want to drive a car.

“Hmm … Yeah. I can be there in no time. So …?”

I can't leave the car here.

“Course you can. The worst thing that can happen is it'll get a ticket. Fuck, it's only money. I want you back. In one piece.”

Another watery chuckle. My hero.

A brief silence.

That came out wrong. Sorry.

“Oh, love, don't apologise. I know exactly what you mean. … I'm still waiting?”

Shit. Sorry, again. I'm behind the village hall, in the parking area. You know where that is?

“No. But I'm sure Maps will tell me how to get there. Try and relax, Geoff. You're still the man you were before you went to your mum's house. However dreadful it was, you haven't changed.”

I'm not sure about that.

“Well, I am. I don't fall in love with losers, and you're very far from useless."

Tony grimaced. Despite what he said, there was some truth in Geoff's comment. He'd have to work hard to rebuild Geoff's self-esteem. His boyfriend had improved so much, for everything then to be ripped down during one wretched conversation.

“I'll be there before you know it. Love you.”

Yeah. Bye.

Tony sat a moment longer in the fading light, his head in his hands. So not only had Geoff's coming out been a disaster, but his mum had thrown her own handgrenade into the proceedings. God, what a mess. Giving himself a shake, Tony got up and went out to the car.

Geoff sat silently at the kitchen table while Tony served up the soup. Chicken and vegetable from one of the emergency batches he had in the freezer. Geoff was very pale, his face covered in blotches from the crying. He'd changed into clean clothes when Tony suggested it, otherwise he was a pretty good stand-in for a zombie. Shock, tiredness, lack of food – it was hardly surprising.

Tony handed over Geoff's portion. “There you are. It's steaming hot, mind. Eat only as much as you want. Oh, and there's bread as well.”

Apart from a small nod, he might as well have been talking to himself. Tony sat down with his own bowl and set to with a purpose. He'd eaten his lunch a long time before and he had the feeling he'd need all his strength for the following day. There wasn't much point in talking now to Geoff as he was – he'd tried in the car and got nothing – so he wasn't going to push things. As his own bowl got steadily emptier, Tony saw that Geoff was finally tempted to pick up his spoon. He slowly swirled it around in the soup, delaying the moment before he actually filled the spoon and transferred the contents to his mouth.

“Good?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Tony.”

Tony watched as another spoonful disappeared. “Don't forget the bread.”

Obediently, the other man tore off a piece from the thick slice sitting on his plate. Food was disappearing at an acceptable rate.

Tony risked asking a question or two. “Geoff, are you allowed to take any emergency leave days?”

Geoff swallowed what was in his mouth. “Err … Yeah, I think so. Never had to use them before.”

“Don't know what you think, but tomorrow strikes me as a good place to start. What's your new line manager like?”

Geoff took a considering deep breath. “She's OK. Don't really know her yet. We haven't had our one to ones. It's been too busy to schedule them in.”

“So …Take a day? We need to have a good talk. Discuss things, get it out of your system, decide what can be done. You'll feel happier when you've done that, I think. Then you can return to work with a better chance of being able to concentrate.”

Geoff grimaced. “And not to burst into tears at every opportunity.”

He stared down at dregs of his soup, the unhappy expression back in control.

Tony took hold of his boyfriend's free hand. “There's nothing wrong with crying, love. Work isn't the best place, though. Is it?”

Geoff shook his head. “Would you mind making the call?”

“In the morning? Sure. Are you ready for me to announce myself as your boyfriend?” Tony raised an eyebrow.

“What?” Geoff stared at him.

“I imagine your manager will want to know you haven't asked some random stranger to make the call for you.”

“Or an app – I believe they exist. Do whatever you want. I'll have to talk to her when I get back, so if she isn't aware I'm gay now, she will be.”

Tony cocked his head. “I thought you were out at work?”

“Yeah, but I don't go around with 'I'm gay' tattooed on my forehead.”

They both started giggling at the thought and the atmosphere lightened.

“Point taken. You finished?” Tony looked at the bowl.

“Yeah, thanks.” Geoff handed it over.

Tony spotted the time. “Bath for you, while I do the washing-up?” He got up.

Geoff sighed. “I wish we were at the other house – the bath's old-fashioned and huge.”

“Hmm …” Tony moved round behind his boyfriend and gave him a hug. “I can see where that's going.”

“Can you?”

A picture of pale, teary-eyed innocence looked up at him, and Tony couldn't resist bending down and giving it a kiss.

Joy Lumsden ate her Weetabix in silence. She needed to think, and the cheery tones of the Radio 2 morning presenters were not what she wanted. A jaw-splitting yawn interrupted her eating briefly. She rubbed her eyes, trying to get some of tiredness out of them. Would another cup of coffee help? Joy decided the extra caffeine would be useful, though she might regret it later. As she got up to go over to the coffee machine, the phone in the lounge started to ring.

Frowning with irritation, she went to answer it. All that effort and it would almost certainly be one of those Indian call centres, or someone else touting for business.

“Yes?”

Oh, hello, Joy. It's Gloria here. Bad time?

Joy took a mental step back. “No. You took me by surprise, that's all. In fact, you're just the person I need to talk to. You'll have to give me a second or two while I get another cup of coffee.”

Two cups? That's not like you.

“Yes, Gloria. Indeed. I've had a dreadful night, and it's all down to a most upsetting encounter I had with Geoffrey yesterday evening.”

Her friend gasped. I've always thought Geoffrey a pleasant boy. Not too bright when it came to academic subjects, but he's got himself a solid job with the council now, or so you said.

“Hnh! … People change, I can tell you. … Anyway, give me two ticks to get my coffee.”

Joy carried the handset back to the kitchen and helped herself to another dose of strong, black coffee.

“Still there, Gloria?”

Yes, Joy. Tell me all.

Joy stared out of the back window for a moment, inwardly debating how much to tell her oldest friend. Everything? She shuddered at the thought of Geoffrey's homosexuality becoming common knowledge around her social group. With restrictions then, but she needed to tell someone what had happened. Share her anger and shame.

“You mustn't tell a soul.”

Of course not. This sounds serious.

“It is. It's the worst thing that's happened to me since Derek died. Even just talking about it has given me the shakes again. What's that quote?” Joy hunted around in her mental store. “Ah, yes. Here it is: 'How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child.' Do you know that one? It sums up how I feel exactly.”

She heard a deprecating giggle from her friend. Joy, you're so much better educated than I ever was. What's it from?

“Shakespeare, Gloria. King Lear, to be precise. Surely you recognise Shakespeare when you hear it?”

Well … there's so much of it, isn't there? All that kind of thing sounds the same to me, and I can't understand hardly any of it.

Joy frowned at the handset. This was exactly the reason why she gave up on teaching. There was no curiosity any more, or appreciation of the classics put in front of them. Of course, Gloria wasn't anything like the young louts she'd had to teach. But her attitude in this was entirely symptomatic of theirs.

Anyway, you were saying, Joy?

Joy gathered herself. “Yes … Geoffrey came for his usual visit yesterday, not that he visits very often. You know, sometimes I feel quite abandoned. He has his life in town and I'm sure he forgets about me …” After waiting for a second to see if her hook caught her friend's attention, she continued. “I decided this would be a good time to talk to him about the family home. The one he's currently living in.”

What went wrong?

“Everything. You wouldn't believe it, Gloria. Anyway, my friend, Douglas … You know him?”

Runs the local golf course? Bit of a lady's man, to my mind. That's not to say he's bad necessarily, but you'll need to watch him, Joy. Or his hands, anyway.

Joy frowned at the phone again. Who was Gloria to comment on another of her friends? The call wasn't quite going the way she expected it to.

“I find him a perfect gentleman. I was talking to him last week and he said I was sitting on a goldmine with that house. Who knows when I might suddenly need the money? So I told Geoffrey I was thinking of selling it.”

How did he take that?

“You'd have thought it was every young man's right to live in a house rent-free.”

Rent-free? Dear, dear. What's the world coming to?

“Well, the worst is yet to come.”

Another gasp from her friend reassured Joy her audience was still with her.

“I told Douglas about how Geoffrey's been recently and he offered an idea. It seemed sound to me, so I took the opportunity to ask Geoffrey about his girlfriend.”

Girlfriend? Are you sure? The last time I saw Geoffrey, he was in the supermarket in the company of another young man. I didn't quite know what to make of it. I remember because your son was very keen to give me the brush-off when I approached him. As if it was something he didn't want me to see.

Joy lost the thread of her tale as she tried to understand what Gloria was telling her.

“You never said.”

Didn't I? It must have slipped my mind. Maybe I haven't seen you since it happened? It was only a week or so ago. There again, you've never really talked about Geoffrey in that way.

“I have a right to know. I'm his mother.”

Joy, your son is an adult. By quite some way, I believe. I think it's his decision whether he tells you about his personal life or not.

“How …” Joy held the handset away away from her mouth as she forced herself to take several calming breaths. Completing that sentence might have meant the loss of a very longstanding friendship.

She grimaced. The next time she went to the surgery for something, the practice nurse would take a dim view of her raised blood pressure.

Joy? I'm sorry if I annoyed you. I know it's difficult to let go, but you have to.

“And I'm sorry to snap at you, Gloria. You're a good friend. It's Geoffrey and his talk. He's really upset me. To cut to the chase, my son had the gall to say he's in love with a man. No beating about the bush. He just stood there and said it to my face. It nearly gave me a turn.”

Hmm … I can't say I'm that surprised Geoffrey's a homosexual. He's never been a man's man, has he?

“What do you mean?”

Shy, sensitive, no good at sports – or so you've said – and then there's all the music, and you go on about how much time he spends in the garden at your place.

“Really? You do surprise me. … You make it sound almost normal. I told Geoffrey I wanted nothing more to do with him. We'll have to communicate about the house, but that's it. No son of mine is going to be a practising homosexual. Who knows the filthy, disgusting things they get up to.”

Joy, you do realise that being a homosexual is regarded as being quite acceptable nowadays? I believe they like to be referred to as 'gay'. And Geoffrey is still your son. Perhaps you should take a while to reconsider?

Joy glared at the handset. It was she who handed out the good advice, and the occasional lecture. Not Gloria.

I speak a little from personal experience. A great nephew of mine – he's aged fourteen – told his parents he's gay. He's a good boy. A credit to his parents. They were fine with it once they'd had time to reflect. And Joy? Geoffrey is likely to be as upset and confused as you are. You both need space. Don't shut him out of your life – you never know when you'll really need him.

The conversation had taken such a turn of events, Joy decided she'd better end the call.

“What was it you were phoning about?”

Nothing of any importance. It can wait. Take some time to think, Joy. Good bye for now.

“I know my own mind, thank you. Bye, Gloria.”

Joy Lumsden stared at her now cold cup of coffee. That phone call hadn't gone the way she'd expected it to, plus Gloria had revealed a new side to her. In fact, several new sides. It almost felt like her friend was going over to the enemy, saying nice things about homosexuals, and accepting them as if they were a normal part of society. If Gloria felt her attitudes were moving with the times, then she'd have no problem with being left behind. Joy got up and tipped her cup out into the sink. In her view, Geoffrey had made his own bed and he could damn well lie in it.