The Tribuo - 37. Part IV, chapter 9

- IX -

Thursday

I gave up on the idea of sleep at 3:30 in the morning. I was getting more and more pissed off. Finally, I got off the bed and went into the hallway. I tried the doorknob on his door, and to my utter surprise, it wouldn’t budge. He locked the door? Now I was beyond pissed. He was the one who almost freaking raped me several hours ago, and he locked his door?! Now I was seeing red.

I kicked the damn door as hard as I could. It creaked with a surprised complaint and swung open. I couldn't care less. I will write him a check for the repairs. I made up my mind -- I was going to move out before this week was over. I just wanted to beat the crap out of him first.

I burst into his room, and he was sitting up on the bed, his hair wild, eyes beyond confused. You kidding me… He was sleeping?! Okay, that’s it!

“What the hell are you…” he started saying when he saw me, and I swung my arm and hit him on the face.

“Jesus...!” he managed to say after smacking his head on the wall.

He pressed his hand against his mouth and shook his head.

“Goddammit…” he muttered. “I am bleeding… Well, I guess we are even now…”

“Even?” I hissed at him. “Even?! You think I am here because I wanted to get even with you?!”

He blinked and wiped his mouth with his palm.

“Yeah…” he said and I almost hit him again.

“You son of a bitch…” I growled. “I am not getting even with you! I just wanna know who the fuck gave you the right to just dump this shit on me like this?! And after dumping it on me, you walked away and went to sleep?!”

“What…” he muttered.

“Yeah!” Now I was screaming. I didn’t care if neighbors called the cops. “You can’t just walk in there and say that bullshit!”

“Say what…?” he stared at me without wiping a trickle of blood that was running down his chin.

“That you fucking love me! That’s the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard! We both know why you came there! You…”

“I love you,” he said quietly, and didn’t even flinch when I almost hit him again.

I moved my body just slightly before I knocked his teeth out, and hit the wall instead.

“Shut up!!” I yelled. “You are one lying son of a goddamn bitch!”

I was shaking so hard right now, I realized that if I didn't calm down any time soon, I would start sobbing. All those damn emotions -- fear, despair, hatred, and goddamn love were about to split my skull in half.

“Listen,” he said. “This whole thing is not going to work… I am sorry for hurting you, I will never…”

“Shut up!!”

“Please, listen,” now he was almost pleading. “As I said… It’s never going to work… I can’t stop myself from loving you, and you…” he shrugged. “Well, right now you hate me obviously, but even when you don’t… For you it’s just a physical thing, so I am going to move out of this place before the end of the week.”

“Physical thing?” I thought, my hands shaking like I had some sort of a muscle control disorder. “Hate him? Hell, yeah, I hate you, you son of a bitch! I hate you because you dropped this bomb on me, and because you made me hit you, and now you are hurting…. That’s why I hate you! But I hate myself even worse! As for physical thing… Well, DUH!! It is a physical thing… Like controlling this damn physical thing is even possible! As for the rest of the emotions… Fear is clear, isn’t it? The goddamn fear of losing you, you bloody idiot! Despair? Yeah, have some of that too… Because if I manage to lose you, despair will be my best friend that would probably lead me by the hand to the nearest gun, so I can finally fucking kiss it… What else was there? Let me think… Ah yes, goddamn love… I tried stopping it, ending it, fucking killing it… I can’t do that! I fucking love you, you cretin! And now he is telling me that…. Wow, hold on a second…” I frowned. “He is telling me that he is moving out?! Like hell he is! I am moving out first! Fuck, I’ll move out tomorrow! I’ll just stay in some classroom in the university until I find a place to live, but he'd better believe me -- I’m gonna be out of here before…”

“No, you won’t,” Brian said quietly, and I stared at him. What the hell? What, now he can read my mind or something?! “Not tomorrow, not ever…”

“How the fuck did you know that I was planning on moving out tomorrow?” I demanded, my hands shaking even worse now.

He looked like he was trying not to roll his eyes.

“Because you said it a minute ago,” he said, and I stared at him with horror.

Oh my freaking God… Did I just say everything I thought I was thinking?! He got off the bed and came closer to me.

“Screw this,” I hissed. “I am going to move out, and you can do whatever the hell you…”

He shut me up with his mouth, and I tried pushing him away, but I couldn’t. Not because he was holding me or something, no -- I couldn’t do it because my body simply wouldn't obey my brain. Instead of pushing him away, I wrapped both of my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. I ran my fingers through his hair, and this time, he was the one who moaned. That moan made me weak at the knees.

We fell onto his bed, and I shivered when he lightly kissed my neck at the same place where he bit me earlier. He wasn't trying taking off my clothes, he just kept kissing my face and neck so lightly that I had goosebumps all over my body. Hell, even my scalp had goosebumps. He kept repeating my name like some sort of a weird mantra, and every time he said it, his breath would wash over me like an unreal wave of warmth.

Finally, he slightly pulled away and looked at me, his eyes like two dark-blue pools.

“You have no idea how much I freaking love you, do you?” he muttered.

“I have an idea,” I said, my breathing nowhere near steady.

“No, you don’t,” he whispered. “Jesus, Russ… I loved you for three goddamn years… Ever since that night… I thought I was about to go crazy… I didn’t care about anyone else. But you never brought it up, so I figured it was just one of those 'Shit Happens' things… I tried to stop, I really did, but nothing worked. Then I realized that it was just something I had to deal with, so I was trying… And then it happened again, and it was like…” he slowly ran his fingers through my hair. “It was like an avalanche, I couldn’t stop… Then it got worse, because you were trying to rationalize something that couldn’t be rationalized… And then I saw you with that biology teacher, and I just lost it… Oh, God…”

I stared at him. Three years?! Jesus… Either he is extremely good at hiding things like that or I am an oblivious moron. Huh, probably both.

“Brian, I had no idea….”

“I know,” he interrupted me. “I didn’t want you to know… I knew that you’d freak out and that would be the end of it… Maybe it was the worst idea I could possibly come up with, but I decided that seeing you every day without you knowing, was a hell of a lot better than losing you for good. I didn’t care how much it hurt. You were here, right next to me, and it was worth it…”

He was about to say something else, but I pulled him on top of me and found his lips with mine. God help me, but I loved him so damn much that my heart ached. After a while, his mouth grew a hell of a lot more insistent, and his hands ran down my chest. I was shaking when he unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it off. He was nibbling on my ear, and I couldn’t shut myself up. I was never too vocal in bed before; in fact, some girls complained that I was way too silent. Well, right now I was nowhere near silent.

I don’t even remember when he pulled off my jeans, and when he got undressed himself. All I remember is the feeling of his body along mine. He kept running his fingertips all the way down my hip, and it was driving me crazy. Neither of us lasted long for the first time. We exploded almost simultaneously, and he kept saying my name over and over again, his fingers draining me until it almost hurt. I unwrapped my hand when his spasms finally stopped, and then we dozed off for a couple of hours.

His damn alarm went off at 6:45, and at first, I was trying to find the snooze button. After several unsuccessful tries, I growled something unintelligible and threw that damn thing into the wall. It stopped beeping immediately.

“We have a seven-forty class,” Brian muttered without making a slightest effort to move away from me.

“No, we don’t,” I said, and he pressed harder against me. “We don’t even have school today.”

“We don’t?”

“Nope.”

“Okay…”

And then he started kissing the back of my neck, and I gave up on trying to keep myself quiet. Useless. After a while, his fingers started doing their own thing, and my back arched from the mix of pain and pleasure.

“Brian…” I muttered.

“I’ll never hurt you,” he whispered into my ear, and I closed my eyes when he was kissing me again.

*****

Well, he did hurt me that morning. However, I was the one who told him to keep going, and after a while, I was screaming for him not to stop. I still don’t know how the neighbors never complained about all the noise that we made.