The Tribuo - 30. Part IV, chapter 2

- II -

RUSSELL

Here we were, on my twenty-first birthday, sitting in the dark alley behind some God-awful dumpster that stank of cats and piss. I guess my mother was right when she told me a couple of years ago that I would end up getting killed by my own stupidity. We sat here for the last hour or so.

“Goddammit,” Brian hissed and kicked aside a fat rat that was trying to run up his leg.

I was really tempted to tell him to go ahead and screw himself, and just leave, but of course, I never did. I am not a pushover, I never was one, but for some strange reason, Brian was able to talk me into craziest shit ever since we were eleven. Driving my mother’s car when we were twelve? Sure, Bri, no problem! Getting drunk in front of the police station at fifteen? Why, my friend, that sounds like a great idea! Stealing all that useless junk from the secondhand store just to prove that we can? Abso-fucking-lutely!

It wasn’t like he would set me up, watch me go down in flames, and ditch me. Oh, no… He would be right there, next to me the whole freaking time. In fact, he didn’t mind taking the blame. Every time he’d get me to do something idiotic and dangerous, he would be right next to me until we were both caught. I have no idea how many times we were arrested before we turned eighteen. All I know, it was well in double digits. Then, after we became old enough to be tried and charged as adults, I finally said, “No more.” And I kept my word. Until tonight.

I cringed when I remembered what he said a week ago. “It’ll be easy! I swear, it’s going to be the last time! We will never get caught!”

That last sentence should’ve set off every imaginable and unimaginable alarm in my head. I mean, every time he said, “We will never get caught,” we would always end up in the back of a police car. But I guess I am one of those people who never learn, so I just acted like a big dumb dog again. “Breaking into the liquor store? Sure, Bri! Lead the way!”

Ugh… Seriously, I don’t even know why he got the idea in the first place. Ever since we graduated from high school, we acted like somewhat normal people. Sure, we got drunk and high now and then, but that’s about it. We ended up going for the same major in college, and of course, we were roommates. And get this, we even managed to get a high enough GPA to score some scholarship. My mother looked like she was about to burst into tears and a very long prayer when I told her about it.

And then a week ago, Brian comes up with this brilliant idea about breaking into the liquor store on my birthday and scoring shitload of free booze. It sounded fantastic at the time, thanks to Jack Daniels and some other stuff. Hell, it sounded great this morning, even though I was stone-cold sober. “For old times’ sake…! Just for fun…! The last time ever…!”

Well, now, after sitting behind this dumpster, kicking rats away, the picture didn’t look as glam anymore. The owner of the store was supposed to get the hell out of there forty-five minutes ago, but for some strange reason, he was still inside.

“Brian,” I said tiredly. “Let’s just go… Take it as a sign from God, okay?”

He looked at me as calmly as ever.

“Okay,” he said finally. “If he doesn’t leave in the next thirty minutes, we’ll go.”

“Fine,” I rolled my eyes.

So we sat there for the next thirty minutes, and just when we were about to finally leave, the owner waltzed out of his little store and started to lock up.

“Now that’s a sign from God!” Brian muttered.

For some strange reason, I felt refreshed and energized. I suppose, old habits die hard. The owner finally walked away, we waited for fifteen more minutes just to be safe, and then we decided to go for it. Brian swore to me up and down that he knew everything about the alarm the guy was using in his store. He also said that he knew how to turn it off. I believed him, of course.

It took him maybe seven minutes at the most to unlock the door and disable the alarm.

“See?” He grinned at me. “Easy mo…”

Apparently, there were two alarms installed, and Brian only knew about one. The damn siren wailed so loudly that I went deaf for several seconds. Well, crap. Brian froze on the spot, his expression so dumbfounded that I would’ve laughed if I wasn’t in a hurry to get the hell out of there, before the cavalry started galloping in.

“Move it!” I barked and dragged him outside.

Just in time too, by the way, because thirty seconds after we stumbled outside, the metal gate screeched out of the ceiling and slammed into the ground. Well, I thought, the owner was a smart little fucker. Just a little longer, and we’d be trapped in that store like two idiotic flies in a jar.

Then I could hear oh-so-familiar sound of a police siren, and then we ran. I guess someone truly protects idiots and drunks, because we managed to get away. We stood in some dead-end street, everything around us pitch-black, and we were breathing like two racehorses.

“That’s…it…” I said finally. “No…freaking…more!”

“Agreed…” Brian panted, and I just nodded at that.

Sometimes he did have common sense, thank God. So we stood there, trying to breathe normally, and then it brought back some memories for both of us.

Three years ago, something similar happened. We were doing something stupid as always, and that night we actually managed to get away. The settings were eerily similar – dead-end street, no lights whatsoever, us breathing like we just ran a marathon. Now, we barely turned eighteen, adrenaline was rushing like no other, there was nobody around… Ugh, you see where I am going, right? Yeah, we made out. For half an hour or so. Then we just stopped, pulled apart, went home, and never spoke about it.

Well, right now it was flashing in my head bright and clear, and by looking at Brian, I could say that he was going through the same thing. It was weird. I mean, I had never in my entire life been attracted to a guy. Before or after what happened three years ago. Back then, I just shrugged it off, figuring that it was adrenaline rush that did it. I guess the same rush was to blame now, because we started saying something at the same time, and then he just swore under his breath, grabbed me by the hand, and pulled me closer. Before I knew it, the same damn thing was happening again, and God help me, I was turned on like no other.

This time was different from the one three years ago. Back then, it was like we were trying to beat the world speed record or something. Tonight Brian was so excruciatingly slow that I thought I was going to lose my mind. When he slid his face down to my neck, I almost pushed him away. Okay, I thought, this was going way too far and I was not sure if I liked it… But then I realized that I did, in fact, like it. I liked it so much that I had no strength to push him away. I just buried my fingers in his hair and closed my eyes.

I don’t have a clue how much time had passed, but finally, I had enough strength in me to pull away. I was planning on saying something, but instead, I just stood there and stared at Brian. He did the same. Okay, what the hell is this?

“I need a smoke,” I muttered finally and sat down on the curb.

He sat next to me. I twirled an unlit cigarette in my fingers until it started to fall apart.

“What the hell just happened?” I asked after several minutes of silence.

“I don’t know,” he said dully.

“I have never…”

“Me neither…”

“Well, except that one time three years ago…”

“Yeah…”

“Well, I am sure that it’s not going to happen again…”

“No way! It’s so not going to happen again…”

Then we were silent again. Finally, I looked at him.

“We are good...?”

“Yeah,” he breathed. “We are good…”

And then I don’t even remember who made the first move that time.

*****

It was several days later, and I was staring into my computer screen. I was browsing for gay porn. I found a ton. It did nothing for me. In fact, it got me sleepy. Finally, I dropped my head on the desk in complete and dark despair. What the hell is wrong with me? After hours and hours of frantic research, I came to the conclusion that I was just a late gay bloomer. Which meant that apparently, I was a clueless moron who had no idea what the hell he was. So I gritted my teeth and tried accepting the facts, because according to everything that I was able to find, it was utterly impossible for a guy to be attracted to just one single guy. Every single site said that I was either gay or bi. No third option. Okay, I thought, okay… Not the end of the world, I can deal. No big.

That was when I had that brilliant idea about gay porn. I figured that if I was either or, I’d get turned on by naked men, right? Wrong. I mean, at first it was somewhat new and curious, but then it got plain boring. That was when I gave up. I had no idea what the hell was wrong with me.

Approximately half an hour later, I heard the front door open. Ah, Brian’s home. Lovely. I was avoiding him like a plague ever since that night.

“What are you doing?” he asked when he walked in.

“Thinking,” I said without lifting my head.

“Huh,” now he sounded confused.

I finally raised my head and looked at him. He was staring into the computer screen. Ah, crap, I never closed the window. Oh well, just more humiliation, nothing new.

“You like that?” I asked, wondering if he'd say yes. If he would, then at least one of us wasn't completely messed up.

“No,” he said in the same confused voice. “I didn’t know that you were into this stuff…”

Oh, man… Will mortification ever end?!

“I am not,” I sighed and closed the damn window.

Then I explained why the hell I was looking at it to begin with. He blinked when I stopped talking.

“That makes sense,” he said slowly. “Kinda.”

“Yeah,” I agreed bitterly. “Except for the fact that I couldn't care less about guys!”

“Yeah…” he sighed. “Same here. Hey, let’s go get coffee or something…”

I agreed with that. I didn’t want to stay home. Jesus, I couldn’t believe how awkward I felt around him now. We went outside, and the wind almost knocked the breath out of me. It was unusually cold for the first week of April. I shoved my hands into my pockets and lowered my head against the wind. Neither Brian nor me said a single word until we got to the coffee shop.

…“So we are good, right?” he asked when we were chugging down our coffees.

“Oh, yeah,” I answered immediately.

“I mean…” he paused. “It happened before, so no big, right?”

“Yeah,” I agreed wholeheartedly.

“It was just…”

“Adrenalin rush.”

“Right. It’s not like it would happen again, right?”

“Right. No way would it happen again.”

“Yeah, cool…”

We finished out coffees and sat in silence for several minutes.

“You wanna head home?” I asked finally.

“Yeah,” Brian nodded immediately. “I have a seven-forty class tomorrow morning.”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Isn’t it strange how limited your vocabulary gets when you feel like a total moron? I find it fascinating. Usually we talk nonstop about all kinds of shit -- girls, cars, dirty jokes, smokes, dope… Hell, we could talk for twenty-four hours straight! And now, that both of us apparently felt like two clueless morons, what did our vocabularies diminished themselves to? “Yeah… Cool… Right…Let’s go…” Pathetic!

“So you remember about Dana’s birthday, right?” Brian asked me a few minutes later when we were outside.

“Yeah,” I nodded. Dana was his older sister. “When is it again?”

“Next Sunday.”

“Ah… What’s today?”

“Err… Sunday.”

“Oh, right… So it’s the next one.”

“Yeah.”

“She’ll be what… Twenty-four?”

“Uh huh.”

“Cool.”

I was admiring our conversational wizardry, I really was. Then ten or so minutes later, I was admiring the amazing lack of willpower that we both seemed to have, because there we were again, behind some wall, making out like some stupid teenagers. Then ten minutes after that, I stopped thinking altogether.

*****

When we finally got home, it was 11:30.

“I am going to bed,” I said quickly without even looking at Brian.

“Yeah,” he said right away. “Yeah, me too.”

“Good night.”

“Night!”