The Tribuo - 71. Part V, chapter 24

- XXIV -

“I choose…” I said slowly. “...to be free…”

She slightly lowered her head just like before, as if encouraging me to continue.

“...of you,” I finished.

She looked at me, and this time, I could see confusion drawing a small wrinkle in the middle of her alabaster forehead.

“I beg your pardon?” she said.

“I was looking forward to it,” I muttered. “Couldn’t wait, really… It sounded like everything I ever wished for… But now, looking at you…” I shrugged. “I don’t think I am ready for that. I don’t think I am ready to accept the idea that I won’t be able to love anymore…”

“That’s not true,” she interrupted me. “You…”

“I know,” I nodded. “I will come to know the greater love or something like that… Love that doesn’t hold me down, so I am finally free of my chains…”

She looked like she was about to say something, and I tiredly waved my hand.

“Something along those lines… I don’t want that. It sounds worse than a prison, because I feel like I would give something up; something very important… And I will never get it back. I don’t want that,” I said again. “I don’t want to become an absolute perfection like you.”

“Rayne…”

I shook my head impatiently.

“Please,” I muttered. “I am really tired. I choose to stay. Here, on this plane, reality, world, whatever word you want to use… I want to stay.”

This time she was silent. She just looked at me, her eyes unreadable, head cocked slightly to the left.

“Such a waste,” she muttered finally. “You had a great potential. All right, as you wish.”

“May I ask for a favor?” I whispered when she turned away.

She looked over her shoulder, her eyebrow arched in a silent question. My throat was suddenly very dry.

“Let him live,” I said very quietly. “Please…”

Her facial expression never changed. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t even sigh. She turned away from me again and looked at Seth.

“I am going to leave now,” she said in the same serene voice as before. “Please, don’t prove yourself even more unreliable. You know what to do.”

“Goodbye, Natalie,” he said evenly.

“I guess I will see you soon,” she shrugged slightly. “Your sentence is almost over.”

“Goodbye, Natalie,” he repeated in the same colorless voice.

She didn’t reply this time. She simply melted into nothing. I suppose, a bit ago I would find it fascinating, but right now, I was too damn tired.

“You don’t look surprised,” I said, looking at Seth.

He shrugged and moved his sunglasses on top of his head.

“Nothing you do surprises me lately,” he replied solemnly.

“What would you choose?” I asked quietly.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I hate to say this, but…” He sighed. “We have to go…”

“Right,” I nodded and slowly walked towards him. “Seth…” I said after I took his cool fingers.

“Mmm?”

“Let him live…”

“It’s not up to me,” he muttered softly. “I don’t have that kind of power. I am sorry.”

“Let’s go,” I closed my eyes. I knew that if I kept them open, there would be no way in hell for me to hold back those damn tears.

He squeezed my fingers.

“Rayne…”

“Mmm?”

“Look at me…”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

I unwillingly opened my eyes and looked at him. He carefully touched my cheek and wiped off one tear that managed to escape my eyelashes in spite of all my efforts. I expected him to say something cheesy. Something like, “You've made the right choice”, or “I am proud of you”, or something that would include the words “…my little girl” somewhere in the sentence. He didn’t. He just stroked my face very gently, and then kissed my forehead.

“Let’s go,” he said finally.

________________________

MATT

…I jerked the wheel to the right, and the car spun in the opposite direction. Then I heard a very loud honk, and when I looked up, I saw a decent-sized pickup truck flying towards me from around the corner. I thought that the driver of that truck looked almost comical with his white face and huge, terrified eyes, when that truck slammed into Jess’ car full speed. I thought that the damn thing was now totaled, and that Jess would be pissed. And then everything turned black for a second or two. I didn’t even have time to freak out. A shattering, agonizing shriek of metal was so great that I went deaf for several seconds. During those seconds, while I was enveloped in a suffocating shroud of absolute, nauseating silence, I could’ve sworn that I heard someone breathe inside my head:

“Granted.”

I had no idea what it meant. Then everything around me exploded into color again, and the deafening noise was back.

I still don’t know how I got out of the car. It felt like I blacked out for God knows how long, and when I was finally conscious, I was lying on icy snow, my face all but kissing the front tire of Jess’ car.

“Jennah…” I muttered and tried getting up.

I finally managed to do it on the third try or so. Somebody was screaming something not too far away from me. I looked up. It was the truck driver. He seemed to be hysterical, and was yelling something into the phone. I looked at the car. It was totaled; the front of it looked like it was made out of play-dough -- it was smashed inwards, so the front of the car looked like some demented pancake.

I limped towards the passenger’s door and tried pulling it open. It wouldn’t even budge. I tried looking inside through the window that was covered with spiderwebs of shattered glass that for some strange reason still held together. I could see her in that seat. I could also see that she wasn’t moving.

*****

I don’t know how soon cops and ambulances showed up -- I guess they came pretty quick. Someone kept asking me something, and I just wanted them to leave me the hell alone already. I walk and talk, aren’t I? I am fine!

When they finally pulled Rayne out of the car, I thought that maybe she just passed out, maybe everything was going to be fine. But then, after seeing two paramedics exchanging a certain look that practically screamed, “Let’s hope she dies in the hospital and not here,” I lost it.

I remember screaming something unintelligible; I remember trying to punch someone (I think it was one of the cops, I am not sure); I remember them loading her into the back of the ambulance. I almost dove in there, but that was when I saw him. I had no idea where the hell he came from, but there he was. He looked exactly the same as I remembered him -- blond ponytail, long leather jacket, and those ridiculously black sunglasses.

“You!” I breathed. “You!!”

I almost lunged at him, but he completely ignored me and went straight to the back of the ambulance where they loaded Jennah a minute ago.

“Sir…” one of the paramedics started saying, but the blond interrupted him.

“I am her father,” he muttered, and the paramedic just blinked at that and stepped aside, letting him into the back of the ambulance.

I climbed in after him, and then the doors of the van slammed shut, and the sirens came to life almost immediately. They sounded like a frantic funeral march that was played in a ridiculously fast tempo.

*****

Two paramedics that were in the back with us, kept exchanging quick, tired words that meant nothing to me. Finally, both of them turned away, and I stared at the blond. His face was impossibly white right now. Like frozen milk. I shifted my gaze to Rayne. She wasn’t white. She was grey. I took her fingers in mine.

“Jennah…” I muttered. “Don’t do this to me… Wake up, please…”

“She can’t hear you,” the blond said in a colorless voice, and I ignored him.

“Rayne… Please, wake up…”

The blond took a very deep breath.

“Let go of her hand,” he said finally, and I just glared at him. “Let go of her hand,” he repeated as if not even noticing my expression.

“Screw you,” I said very quietly.

He rubbed his forehead as if trying to get rid of a monstrous headache. He still wouldn’t take off his sunglasses.

“Matt,” he said finally. “If I am going to do what I am about to do, I’ll need both of her hands.”

I almost told him to go screw himself again, but for some reason, I didn’t. Very reluctantly I let go of her fingers, and the blond took both of her hands into his. I watched him like a hawk. He wasn’t doing anything, it seemed. He wasn’t even moving. He just sat there, squeezing her hands, his face nothing but a white mask, the shades looking even more out of place by now. Finally, he jerked his shoulder and let go of her fingers. I blinked and looked at her. I don’t know if it was my imagination or maybe the weird dim lighting in the back of the ambulance, but her face wasn’t as grey as it was ten minutes ago.

“What did you do?” I muttered without looking at him.

“What I could,” he answered very tiredly. “There is nothing else I can do…”