The Tribuo - 31. Part IV, chapter 3

- III -

EMMA

Monday

I couldn’t concentrate at all this morning. All I could think about was the fact that my weight scale read 110 an hour earlier, and I had no idea why. I gained five more pounds over the last two or three days? That’s impossible! All I had to eat was celery and apples. God, what is happening to me?!

“This is because you are a pig, Emma,” I heard my mother’s voice in my head, and it was so real that I looked up, startled.

A couple of students raised their heads and looked at me with puzzlement. I turned away. Let them think I was making sure that nobody was cheating on the quiz, even though I couldn't care less.

“You are a pig,” my mother’s voice repeated, and this time I didn’t move. “Even when you are not shoving all those doughnuts in your face, you are still gaining weight. You know why? Because for some reason, you want to make me suffer even in the afterlife. For some reason, you want everyone to think, 'Oh, look! That’s Charlotte Langsfield’s fat daughter!' Why do you hate me so much, Emma? Why?”

“I don’t…” I whispered almost without moving my lips. “I don’t hate you…”

“That’s the only explanation, Emma!”

I was more than relieved when the class was finally over. I collected everyone’s papers and left. Thank God, I didn’t have any more classes until three in the afternoon. I was thinking about going home, but then decided to stop by the main office and grab a couple of things from my mailbox.

I walked into the office and thought of that annoying airhead Leslie, who would always beam at me every time she saw me. I knew that she was thinking something like, “Oh, look, the cow is back!” even when she kept repeating the same thing to me all the time. “Oh, Emma! You are so thin, I am jealous!” Sometimes I hate people, I really do. I mean, I know that you think I am fat, I know that, okay? Please, stop pretending! I am not stupid; I can tell you are just making fun of me. Why can’t you just shut up?!

My shoulders tensed when I got closer to Leslie’s desk, and then suddenly I realized that she wasn’t there. I frowned when I saw some dark-haired girl who was frantically digging through the desk drawer.

“Goddammit…” she muttered. “If it’s not in here, then where the hell is it?!”

What is she doing at Leslie’s desk?

“Excuse me,” I said and she looked up. “Who are you?”

“Oh, hi,” she got up and stretched her hand. “I am Tara Miles, I am doing Leslie’s job 'till she comes back.”

I blinked and looked at her hand. I guess if I didn't shake it, I would also come off as rude, not just fat. I carefully shook her fingers.

“I am Emma Langsfield,” I said. “I teach biology. Leslie’s gone?”

“Just for the week,” she nodded. “She’ll be back next Monday.”

To my enormous surprise, Tara didn’t even look at my body like everyone else always did. Nor did she smile and say something ridiculous like, “Ooh, you are so skinny!” Instead, she returned to her drawer, and this time, I saw panic on her face.

“What’s wrong?” I asked carefully, thinking that she would just tell me to mind my own business.

“Of course she will, darling!” my mother’s voice snorted at me. “You should know better than stick your fat nose into other people’s business!”

“Memo pads,” Tara muttered frantically. “Mr. Allen said he needed memo pads. I’ve been looking for those for the last half an hour… He needs them…” she glanced at the clock and flinched. “In ten minutes… Crap!”

“Oh,” I almost laughed at her panicky face. “Memo pads are next to the printer.”

She stared at me for several seconds, and then slammed the drawer shut and raced to the printer. I followed her, since the mailboxes also happened to be next to the printer. She looked like a kid on Christmas morning that finally got the present she was waiting for.

“Oh, God,” she said and laughed. “I probably look pathetic! But this is my first day here, and failing to find memo pads is not the greatest first impression, right?”

In spite of myself, I laughed as well. For some reason, I didn’t feel tense around her.

“Well, you found them,” I said and looked in my mailbox.

“Thank you!” she said earnestly. “Hey, are you busy right now?”

“No,” I answered absent-mindedly.

“Let me buy you coffee or something,” Tara offered. “You just made my day, seriously!”

“Okay,” I said and blinked at my own reaction. Usually I never go places with people. Hell, usually I don’t even talk much to people!

“Great!” she smiled. “Just let me get these to Allen. I’ll be right back!”

She hurried away, and I just stood there, trying to figure out what just happened.

“Oh, way to go, Emma!” my mother hissed in my head. “You are just going out of your way to make a joke of yourself, aren’t you? Like it’s not enough that you are fat, but now you want everyone to think that you are a lesbian?! What are you thinking? Going out with that girl?! Are you out of your mind? Emma, you have to…”

“Okay, let’s go,” Tara said, and my mother’s voice disappeared into thin air.

****

Tara lit a cigarette and closed her eyes.

“I am a weak, weak person,” she said thoughtfully. “Do you have any idea how many times I tried to quit smoking?”

“How many?” I asked with a smile.

She opened her eyes. They were light-green.

“No clue,” she said seriously. “But a hell of a lot, that’s for sure.”

I drank my coffee.

“I never smoked,” I said finally. “But I always had weight problems.”

“Oh, yeah?” she closed her eyes again.

“Yeah…” I sighed. “It seems like I am constantly dieting… The minute I let my guard down, I gain weight.”

Now I was sure that she’d say something about me being thin or something fake like that.

“Yeah,” she said instead. “I know what you mean. Cake used to be my weakness. But then I discovered smoking…” she sighed and opened her eyes. “I am not sure which one is worse.”

I laughed softly. She was interesting, that’s for sure. I was about to say something when her phone rang.

“Crap,” she muttered and glanced at me. “Sorry about that…”

“It’s fine,” I shook my head. “Really.”

She fished her phone out of her bag, flipped it open, and pressed it against her ear.

“Yeah,” she said in annoyance. She listened for a minute, and then let out an amused laughter. “What?! Are you serious? Uh huh, great… And what the hell am I supposed to do? Yes, I am asking you! You kidding, right?” she demanded and stabbed her cigarette in the ashtray. “No, I am not going to pay for the hotel! Look, you are the one who should pay for the hotel! Yeah, and I have a money tree growing up my ass! Ugh, fine… I said it’s fine!” she barked and pulled another cigarette out of the pack. “I’ll figure something out. Yeah… Have fun… Oh, and by the way… My sheets had better be washed when I come back, got it? Right… Okay, bye.”

She snapped her phone shut and threw it on the table.

“Damn,” she said softly.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, and this time, I didn’t feel guilty. To my greatest surprise, my mother was mute this time. Thank God.

“Ugh,” Tara blew a cloud of smoke out of her mouth. “My roommate. His girlfriend just showed up… Apparently, she flew in from San Diego to surprise him…”

“Oh, that’s nice,” I said and drank more coffee.

“Yeah,” Tara said gloomily. “Except now I have to stay in some motel for a week or so…”

“Why?” I frowned. “Don’t you have your own room?”

She looked at me and I could tell that she was about to start laughing.

“Emma,” she said evenly. “Believe me, you don’t want to be anywhere near my apartment building when those two are together, let alone my room.”

“Oh,” I said, and my ears immediately felt hot.

I’ve never been with anyone. I know, I am probably the only twenty-nine-year-old virgin in the entire state. Every time I would try talking to my mother about some boy, she would immediately get this disgusted look on her face, and then I would get an hour long lecture on how decent people never let themselves even think about stuff that was so appalling. And at the end she would always add, “You should be safe from that dirt though. Nobody in his right mind is going to fall for someone like you anyway. And if someone did, that would mean they were insane, and in that case, you have to run away as fast as your fat legs can carry you.”

“It’s fine though,” Tara sighed. “She doesn’t come here often, so it’s all good. I’ll just go to a motel for a week.”

And then I just blurted out of the blue:

“You can stay at my place. It’s big enough.”

I froze on the spot when I heard myself say that. Oh my God… She would definitely think that I was some desperate fat woman who was trying to hit on her… What is wrong with me?!

“Nah,” she didn’t seem shocked or disgusted at all. “It’s okay. I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

“It’s okay, really,” I said, and this time, my mother was back in all her glory. I ignored the screeching in my head. “I wouldn't mind someone around for a while… I mean, I end up talking to myself a lot lately… I mean…”

She thoughtfully puffed on her cigarette.

“Well… That would certainly be nice…” she muttered. “But are you sure? I mean, I really don’t want to inconvenience you…”

“Are you out of your bloody mind?” my mother wailed. “What are you doing?!”

I looked at Tara and smiled.

“Yes,” I said. “I am sure. Let me give you the directions.”

Fifteen or so minutes later, she was about to go inside for another coffee refill, when her phone rang again.

“Ugh,” she said and picked it up. “What?! Oh, hello, Mr. Allen…”

I started laughing silently when her eyes became almost perfectly round and she mouthed, “Crap!” above the phone.

“Oh, no…” she said quickly. “I thought it was my roommate, I apologize… Yes… Yes, Mr. Allen. Okay, I’ll be right there!”

She turned off the phone and got up.

“A secretary’s life is never dull,” she said with a sigh. “I gotta go. Emma, thanks so much! For the last time, are you…”

“Yes,” I interrupted her. “I am sure! Go!”

“Thanks!” she smiled and hurried away.

I looked at my watch. I had plenty of time, great. I almost finished my coffee and got up, thinking about getting a refill. I was walking towards the glass doors of the shop, when some guy ran into me and almost knocked me over.

“Oh, shit!” he exclaimed and caught me just before I ended up falling on my butt. “Oh, God… I am sorry! You okay?”

“Yeah…” I muttered. “I am fine, it’s okay.”

Then I looked up at him, and suddenly, I couldn’t say anything else. Oh my dear God, he wasn’t just attractive, he was… I don’t know… He was something beyond that. Tall enough, not too muscular, but not too skinny either, blond, and green-eyed. I stared at him without blinking and he frowned.

“Sorry,” he said again and let go of my elbow.

That brought me back to the land of moving and talking people.

“That’s okay,” I said again.

He ruffled his hair, and I just blinked when suddenly, I wanted to do the same thing.

“Oh, man, you spilled you coffee…” he winced.

I looked down. I sure did. Whatever was left of my coffee was splattered all over the ground now.

“Hey, let me get you another one, okay?” he said quickly. “Please! I feel like an idiot!”

Well, that would certainly make two of us.

“Sure,” I said weakly. “That would be nice…”

He grinned at me and stretched out his hand.

“I am Russell,” he said.

“Emma,” I muttered, and when he grasped my fingers, I couldn’t breathe.