The Tribuo - 46. Part IV, chapter 18/Epilogue

- XVIII -

18:42

TARA

My crawling speed was driving me insane. God, I hate this weather… What’s up with it anyway? Suddenly, Russell straightened up and looked at me, his eyes impossibly dark.

“You okay?” I frowned.

“I don’t know,” he said slowly. “It’s weird… Like I have an asthma attack…”

“You have asthma?” I gritted my teeth. Damn, I have no idea what to do if he was actually having an attack.

“No,” he said. “That’s why it’s weird… Hey, I know I am being a pain in the ass, but…” he took a deep breath. “Can you take me to a different place?”

“What about the present?” I asked, and tried figuring out why the hell I felt so uneasy all of a sudden.

“Screw the present,” he muttered.

“Sure,” I nodded slowly. “Tell me where to go.”

…I decided to go across the bridge, and when I got closer, I frowned when I saw flashing lights and several police cars and ambulances there. Then I remembered that the bridge was closed for the last couple of days.

“Son of a bitch…” I muttered, and was about to turn around, when Russell barked:

"Stop!!”

I slammed on my brakes, and the only reason my car didn’t spin around on the slick pavement was the fact that I was going really slow.

“What…” I started saying when he breathed:

“That’s Brian’s car…”

He didn’t even wait for me to come to a complete stop. He opened the door and jumped outside into the rain. I watched him run towards the bridge, and then it hit me. I threw the gear in 'Park' and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I scrolled down to the last call I made to Emma and looked at the time. “Last call ended… 18:41,” it said, and I looked at the clock. Right now it was 19:05. I looked outside and saw one of the cops trying to keep Russell away from the bridge. I slowly climbed outside and ignored the rain that immediately poured down on me. I knew what happened even before I saw Emma’s Ford parked right next to the damn bridge.

I dialed the number on my phone and pressed it against my ear.

“Yeah,” he said lazily after a few seconds.

“Seth…” I muttered into the phone. “I failed…”

And then I dropped the phone into the puddle of water and slid down on the ground, pressing my back against the front tire of my car.

20:55

“I failed…” I said again numbly.

It’s been almost two hours since I called him. I sat by my car without moving. I don’t think I even blinked much. When Brian and Emma were pulled out of the water, and after paramedics gloomily pronounced both of them dead, Russell lost it completely. I just sat there. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so numb.

Seth arrived approximately an hour ago. I guess even he couldn’t drive fast in this blasted rain. He said something about getting stuck at a broken traffic light, but then he saw my face, stopped talking, and sat next to me

Now it was almost nine in the evening, and I still couldn’t move.

“I failed,” I said, and Seth sighed and pulled me closer.

“No,” he said.

That finally made me blink. I looked at him. He sighed again.

“Look,” he muttered. “Remember what I told you about consequences of a suicide?”

“You never said what they were,” I said calmly.

“Right… Well, Emma Langsfield was about to face those… Except, she changed her mind.”

I buried my face in my hands.

“What about Brian?” I asked finally, and this time I wasn’t calm. I finally started breaking down. “Dammit, Seth… He wasn’t supposed to be the one who died!!”

“I know,” he said quietly. “But nothing is certain -- you should know that by now. The minute a chain of events changes, all bets are off.”

He was saying something else, but I wasn't listening to him anymore. I just dropped my head into his shoulder and cried until my eyes felt like they were filled with crushed glass.

___________________________

EPILOGUE

Six Months Later

RUSSELL

I walked outside and ignored the wind that immediately attacked me. Dana was waiting for me in the car as she promised. I opened the passenger’s door and got in.

“Hey,” she said and turned the key in the ignition.

“Hey,” I answered.

Neither one of us said anything else until we got to the cemetery. We walked amongst the graves and headstones, and finally got to the right one. I almost lit a cigarette, but then decided not to -- smoking in the cemetery felt atrocious somehow. Dana sighed and sat on the little bench in front of the headstone with Brian’s picture on it. She carefully laid the small bouquet of flowers on the ground and clasped her hands in her lap.

“Happy birthday, Bri,” she said finally. “You know, it’s getting somewhat better at home… Mom finally stopped crying every night… And dad doesn’t drink anymore…” she shifted on the bench slightly. “He stopped right after mom had that first stroke two months ago…” She smiled weakly. “You know… For the first month after you were… gone…” she almost choked on that word. “They wouldn’t even let me out of the house anymore, so I moved in with them again. I think it’s a good thing though, right? It’s getting better now… Just a little…” she wiped he eyes with a back of her hand. “You know how they say that holidays are the worst?” Dana shook her head vigorously. “That’s not true, Bri… The days between the holidays… Those are the worst… And holidays…” she shrugged. “Holidays are not that bad, because we always invite lots of people -- friends, relatives, neighbors… So everyone is busy, because you have to cook, and shop, and cook again… And you talk to all of those people, and they are nice people, Bri… Even that fat lady across the street that you used to tease when you were, like, eleven… She is really nice, Bri…” Dana clasped her hands even harder and started to cry. I hugged her shoulders and pulled her up on her feet. She dropped her face into my chest and I hugged her. I winced when I realized that I could feel her bones underneath her parka. “God,” I thought. “Just how much weight did she lose?”

“Dana, come on…” I said softly.

She looked up at me, blinking her tears away.

“Russ,” she said finally. “There is a coffee shop nearby… I am going to drive there real quickly, okay? I’ll get you something… What do you want?”

“I don’t care,” I said softly. “Anything plain, bitter, no cream or sugar will do.”

Now she managed a small smile.

“Okay,” she whispered and walked away.

I sat down on that bench and realized that it wasn’t close enough. So I slid off the bench and kneeled in the dirt right next to the grave. Now I was close enough to run my fingers over his picture. I don’t know how long I’ve been silent. Felt like an eternity.

“Hey, I missed you,” I finally muttered.

“I know. I missed you too.”

“You know, I really thought… Hell, even hoped that it would get better with time, but it doesn’t. What do I do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Every morning when I wake up, my first thought is of you. How do I stop it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Every goddamn day I keep seeing your face in the crowd… I can’t do this anymore, I can’t go on without you, do you hear me?”

“You have to. You promised.”

“I know… But I am so tired, I can’t do this anymore… Please…”

“You promised.”

“If only I could…”

“Hey…”

I slightly jerked and turned around.

“Oh, sorry,” she muttered. “Didn’t mean to scare you… Just wanted to let you know that…” she coughed and looked away. “I’ll wait by the gate, okay?”

I didn’t say anything and she walked away, her shoulders stooped, hands clutching onto her umbrella. I looked up in the sky. It was raining pretty heavily by now. Weird, I didn’t even realize that until I saw that umbrella in Dana’s hands. I shifted my gaze back to the headstone.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I muttered.

This time there was no answer. Of course, I knew that the whole talking thing was just happening in my head. I am not crazy or delusional, although sometimes I wish for that. Would be so much better to simply be delusional, but unfortunately for me, I am sane as ever. I touched the cold stone with my hand and ran my fingers across the smooth surface of the picture.

“I died with you on that day,” I muttered. “It’s been… Six months… It’s been… Yesterday…”

I knew that Dana was waiting for me by the gate. I needed to go -- the rain was getting even worse. I couldn’t move. I just sat there, and rain was flirting with my tears. Finally, I looked down again.

“I will not do anything stupid, okay?”

Dark, hurried whispering of raindrops was the only answer I received. Finally, I was able to pull myself up and I almost left. I stopped a second before I was ready to go.

“Happy birthday, Brian… I love you…”

And I walked away.

“I love you too, Russ…” I heard in my head.

I walked towards the gate and almost bumped into a strange looking couple. The girl was holding one single rose, and it seemed she couldn't care less that the thorns were biting her fingers. The guy next to her looked like he was her bodyguard or something -- leather jacket, very dark shades.

“Sorry,” I said to the girl after I managed to avoid bumping into her.

She glanced at me, and for some strange reason, I felt like I knew her, even though she didn’t look familiar at all. I shrugged the feeling off, figuring that she simply reminded me of someone I used to know.

RAYNE

Seth and I ran into Russell just before we got to Brian’s grave. He looked at me, and I could've sworn that he recognized me, even though I didn’t look like Tara anymore. But then he just kept on walking and didn’t look at me again.

I put the rose on the grave and stood there for a couple of minutes, saying nothing. Seth was silent as well.

“Seth,” I said finally without taking my eyes off the photograph on the headstone. “Tell me something, will you?”

“What?” he asked, his hands in his pockets, back straight.

“I am going to ask you a question,” I said dully. “And I need you to answer yes or no. You can do that, right?”

He looked at me.

“I know that you can’t lie,” I continued. “But I also know that you can avoid telling the truth. So please, just answer yes or no…”

I was still looking at the headstone. Seth was silent.

“Are we related?” I asked him finally, and he just looked at me.

“Remembered that conversation, did you…” he said finally, and I twisted my mouth in a shadow of a smile.

“That’s the difference between you and me, Seth,” I said quietly. “I can lie. I’ve never forgotten it.”

“I see,” he said.

“Well?” I asked after he fell silent again. “Are we? Yes or no?”

He just stood there, ignoring the rain that was pouring down much worse by now.

“Seth…” I finally looked at him. “Am I your daughter? Yes or no?”

He sighed and took off his shades. He twisted them in his fingers and looked at me, his yellow eyes unreadable. I almost expected him to start saying something about my next assignment, rain, the fact that rose thorns scratched my fingers -- anything, really -- when he blinked and quietly said:

“Yes.”

“Huh,” I said thoughtfully and looked at the photograph again.

We stood there in complete silence, and then some minutes later, he took a deep breath.

“Let’s go,” he said quietly. “There is something I need to tell you about the next assignment, and I’d rather not do it here.”

He put his shades back on and wrapped his arm around my soaked shoulders. We slowly walked out of the cemetery and soon enough, we were driving down some highway.

“Do tell,” I said indifferently.

He glanced at me, his shades forgotten on the dashboard.

“New Year’s Eve,” he said. “Female, twenty one… Suicide,” he added simply, and I nodded.

“Okay. What’s her name?”

He bit his lip and looked straightforward. I frowned.

“Seth… What’s her name?”

He sighed.

“Jessica Donahue,” he said finally.

“Jessica Donahue….” I repeated, wondering why he was reacting this way. “Jessica Do…” and then it hit me.

I stared at him without blinking.

“Is this a joke?” I asked finally.

“No,” he said. “I need caffeine.”

“Seth… You can’t be serious!”

“I am taking the next exit. There is a coffee place there.”

“Seth!!”

“Stop yelling. You are giving me a headache… No, please don’t! Ah, crap… Rayne! I liked those! Damn…”

He took an exit and while slowing down, he reached into the glove compartment and pulled out a new pair of sunglasses.

“I liked those,” he repeated bitterly and looked at his old pair that I kept breaking into pieces.

I looked outside. It almost stopped raining and I could actually see the sky smile timidly in small blue grins.

End of part IV.

To be continued...