The Tribuo - 58. Part V, chapter 12

- XII -

DANA

I was so relieved when I saw Russell that I almost cried. His eyes finally looked alive. Ever since the funeral, he looked like he was in some bizarre trance. He would talk to me, answer all my questions, even ask something, but his eyes looked empty, and it scared the crap out of me. He told me several times that he was not going to do anything drastic, because apparently, he made a promise to Brian one day, but it didn’t convince me. Finally, in October after Brian’s birthday, I told him that maybe he just needed to move the hell out of that town where everything reminded him of Brian.

I was positive that he’d just say his usual polite “No, thanks. I am fine,” but to my enormous surprise, the idea got hold of him, and then by the end of October, he informed me that he was transferring to a different school and that he was leaving. Everything happened really fast. I guess he was afraid that he’d end up changing his mind. Because of that, he left his car with me after he realized that he couldn't drive all the way to his new place. It would be an almost three-day drive, and he had to be at his new school in three days. So I told him that I would drive it there in November, since I had to go to Pennsylvania to see my grandparents for Thanksgiving.

When I talked to him on the phone a couple of hours ago, he sounded fine, but I wasn’t sure if he was faking or if he actually was doing better. When he came to the door, I almost started bawling my head off with relief.

“You look good,” I said half an hour later, when we were drinking tea in the kitchen.

“You do too,” he smiled. “Kinda dirty, but nothing too bad.”

“I drove your car for almost three days,” I snorted. “I didn’t shower, didn’t get a decent night sleep, and I don’t remember eating anything besides those dreadful hamburgers.”

“Huh,” he said thoughtfully. “Well, hamburgers and the lack of shower explain that interesting smell…”

I thumped him on the head, and he laughed.

“I would make coffee,” he said after a while. “But Jess killed the coffeemaker a while ago, and I don’t do instant coffee -- it’s blasphemy.”

“Agreed,” I nodded. “Tea is good though.”

“What time is your plane?” he asked.

“Nine in the evening,” I sighed. “I have to be there at seven though. Maybe even earlier. It’s the week before the holidays…”

“Two hours is enough time,” he shrugged. “Next week is gonna be much worse, but this week should be fine.”

“I know,” I nodded. “But I'd better get there earlier anyway. I’ll be freaking out, you know me.”

“Yeah,” he said darkly. “I know you, all right. Well, that’s too bad. I wanted to take you out to eat or something…”

“I am not hungry,” I shook my head. “Really. I just want to get to Pennsylvania, so I can finally take a shower…”

“You can take a shower here,” he shrugged. “I’ll just tell Jess and grab you a towel.”

“Are you sure it’ll be all right?” I asked with doubt, but with great hope. If I could take a shower right now, it would be a gift from God.

“Oh, yeah,” he got up. “Be right back!”

“I’ll go get my bag out of the car,” I said and ran outside.

When I got back in, Russell handed me a white fluffy towel.

“Knock yourself out,” he smiled.

“Oh, man…” I said with feeling. “I love you, I really do!”

“I love you too,” he laughed. “I’m gonna run to Starbucks while you washing off all that dirt. I need normal coffee. What do you want?”

“Mmmm…” I closed my eyes for a second. “Mocha with a touch of raspberry syrup and just a little bit of whipped cream…”

“You never change, do you?” he narrowed his eyes at me.

“Nope,” I gave him a brilliant smile.

“All right,” he grinned. “Take your time in the shower, by the way. Jess said she wasn't planning on using it any time soon. She is in the middle of her paper, and she’s not moving out of that chair until she’s done.”

“Awesome,” I breathed.

“Be back soon,” he laughed when I all but ran to the bathroom.

Almost forty minutes later, I finally emerged from the bathroom, and I felt reborn. Russell was waiting for me in the kitchen. He handed me my Mocha.

“Wow,” he said with respect. “You look like a human again. That’s awesome!”

“Mmm,” I sipped my drink. “I feel like a human again. It is awesome…”

“Let’s go outside,” he grinned. “I wanna smoke.”

...We were sitting outside, and I watched him puff on his cigarette.

“So how are you?” I asked finally. “I mean, you look good.”

“I am all right,” he nodded. “I feel good too.”

He looked like he was debating whether to say something or not. I decided not to ask him. If he doesn’t want to tell me something, it’s fine.

“Dana,” he sighed finally. “There is something I need to tell you…”

I knew what it was before he said anything.

“You’ve met someone,” I said quietly, and he looked away. “Russ, it’s fine… In fact…” I drank my Mocha. “You have no idea how relieved I am right now.”

He shook his head.

“Dana… This guy… He is…” he took a very deep breath. “He looks just like Brian.”

I blinked at that.

“You mean he reminds you of him?” I asked carefully.

“No,” he said. “He looks just like him, it’s unreal… When I saw him for the first time, I thought I was hallucinating. It’s like they are twins or something…”

“Russ… Hold on…” I didn’t even know what to say to that. “Please tell me that you are not with him because he is a substitute for Brian… I mean…”

“I know what you mean,” he muttered. “And I don’t know. At first, that’s all it was. I mean, I wouldn’t even look at him twice if he didn’t look like Brian, you know? So at first, he was a substitute. I knew that I was being stupid, selfish, cruel even…”

“So what did you do?” I asked after he fell silent for a minute or so.

“I didn’t do anything,” he said slowly. “But a couple of weeks ago, I realized that I didn't see Brian in him anymore… I mean, yeah, sure, the resemblance is still there, of course… Nothing changed. But I don’t think 'Brian' when I see him now, you know? He is completely different from Brian except for the appearance… He looks almost the same, but he is a completely different person…”

“Of course, he is a different person,” I said softly. “Russ, if you were with that guy only because he looked like Brian, then…” I shrugged. “That would be a very wrong reason, you know that, right?”

“I know,” he muttered. “God, Dana… It hasn’t even been a year, and I am already sleeping with someone else… Well, it only happened once, but still…” he looked at me miserably. “What does it make me?”

“Human,” I said quietly. “Look at it this way…” I drank more of my Mocha. “Everything is happening for a reason, right?”

“If you say so,” he shrugged.

“Well, that means that you had to move here and meet someone who looks just like Bri. Because who knows how long it would take you to start looking at someone who looked nothing like him, you know? You said it yourself, you see a different person in him, not Brian… What’s his name by the way?”

“Lex,” he sighed.

“Luthor?” I couldn’t help myself.

“That was my line as well,” he grimaced. “And I thought I was original…”

“Seriously?” I snorted. “You thought you were the only one who had that reaction to the name Lex?”

“Oh, shut up,” he laughed softly.

“Russ,” I said after a while. “Don’t beat yourself up for feeling something finally, okay?”

“I know,” he sighed. “It’s just… Sometimes I feel like I am betraying Brian somehow…”

“That is a very stupid statement,” I said seriously. “You realize that, right?”

“Right… It’s just… I don’t know…”

“Stop doing this to yourself,” I said sternly. “You will never betray him, got it? Just because you finally feel alive, doesn’t mean that you somehow managed to betray him. Got it?”

“Got it,” he said, and I was relieved when his voice didn’t sound guilty anymore.

I looked at my watch.

“Ugh… It’s six-thirty! How far is the airport from here?”

“Twenty minutes,” he shrugged. “Give or take.”

“I gotta go. You will have to drive me, you know.”

“Nope,” he said seriously. “You’ll have to walk, I am going to bed.”

“Ass,” I muttered, and he laughed.

“Where did you put the car keys?”

“In the kitchen somewhere.”

“Okay, be right back. Did you leave anything inside?”

“My bag!” I remembered. “I left it in the bathroom!”

“I’ll get it,” he nodded. “Be right back!”

JESS

I was almost done with my paper, when I realized that it was way too hot in my room. I got up and pushed my window slightly open. Cool air on my face felt great. I almost went back to my chair, when I heard Lex’s name. I frowned and listened harder. Dana and Russell were talking outside, and they were talking about Lex. I stepped closer to the window, making sure I didn't make any noise. Russell laughed at something Dana said. I had no idea what it was.

“Russ,” she said after a minute or so. “Don’t beat yourself up for feeling something finally, okay?”

I frowned even more.

“I know,” he sighed. “It’s just… Sometimes I feel like I am betraying Brian somehow…”

Huh? I guess Brian was that guy’s name. Suddenly, I realized something and almost snapped my fingers, but stopped right before I managed to make any noise. That’s why this girl looked familiar! She reminded me of Lex! I betcha anything, she is that guy’s sister! I listened again.

“…you somehow managed to betray him,” Dana was saying, and I blinked.

Are you kidding me? Now she is saying that he betrayed him? What the hell? Oh, God… I shouldn’t tell Lex about this, I really shouldn’t… But on the other hand, if he gets himself even deeper into this whole thing (which he will, knowing him), it’ll hurt him even more when he finds out anyway. That’s how it always works, right? Stuff like this always comes out, sooner or later. I wouldn't be surprised if one of those nights Russell called him Brian. Yeah, I know it’s a cliché and all, but it’s going to happen! And it will happen when they end up in bed together again.

I wonder what happened between Russell and that guy… He cheated on him or something? No, that doesn’t make sense… Why would his sister say that he was betraying him? Ugh, now my head started to hurt. I listened to their conversation again. Sounded like he was about to take her to the airport. Yup, he just went inside for the keys.

I went away from the window and sat into my chair. I am not going to say anything to Lex. Not until after the holidays at least. Plus, let’s face it -- it’s none of my business. I looked at my computer screen. Suddenly, I didn’t care about the paper anymore. I also realized that I was hungry. Goddammit! I knew the signs. They were only going to get worse and very quickly. I gritted my teeth and grabbed my purse. I am going to Landley’s and I hope he takes checks, because I don’t have any cash on me right now. I’ll worry about Lex later.