The Whale - 5. Part I, chapter 5

- V -

That night I almost asked my mother what would happen if a teacher and a student would get romantically involved, but then thought better of it. My mother would immediately think that I had some insane crush on one of my teachers, and no matter how hard I would try to convince her otherwise, she'd never believe me. And since I didn't have any friends, I did the next best thing I could think of -- I went on internet.

After a couple of hours of research, I knew that if the student was underage, then teacher would be charged with molesting a minor and would most definitely go to jail without any hope to be rehired ever again as an educator. If the student was eighteen, however, then the teacher would most probably get fired, and get a pretty much permanent black marker in their resume for the rest of their life. I was wondering how old Luke was. Then my ears started to burn. Oh my God... First of all, I was probably seeing things, considering how hungry I was. And even if I didn't, would I really want Connor to get in trouble because of something that I thought looked like flirting?! I liked Connor; I loved her! I hated Russell's guts! I almost started crying. What is wrong with me? There is no way in hell that I could be in love with that jerk! I mean, I only knew him for what, several days? And he made my life so miserable that my head was aching the minute I as much as thought of him.

I looked at the clock. It was a little after ten. Suddenly, I made a firm decision and it surprised even me how sure I was about following it through. I got up and started rummaging through my closet. Finally, I found an old T-shirt and an old pair of sweat pants that looked like they would fit me. I quickly changed into that horrendous-looking outfit and went downstairs.

My mother's eyes became wide when she saw me.

"Amy," she said carefully. "What on earth are you wearing?"

"Mom," I sighed deeply. "I am going for a run."

She stared at me silently.

"It is rather late, don't you think?" she asked finally, and I rolled my eyes.

"That's the point," I said, putting on my sneakers. "You don't think I would like to be seen by anyone, while I am trying to make an idiot out of myself, do you?"

She blinked.

"I see your point," she nodded finally. "Amy, please don't go too far... Want me to go with you?"

"Mom," I growled. "It's not like we live in some ghetto neighborhood! Plus, I don't even think I'll be able to run for a long time. I will be back in less than half an hour, okay?"

"Okay," she said and bit her lower lip. "Just don't go too far..."

"I won't," I promised, thinking that even if I ran down the street butt-naked, nobody in their right mind would get anywhere near me. That would probably traumatize them for life.

I ran for almost twenty minutes, and felt like I was going to die. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't even stand. I sat down on the curb and closed my eyes. I could see yellow and red circles floating wildly in the dark and it made me nauseous. I opened my eyes and winced when breathing actually hurt. Then my entire body started to itch wildly.

"What the hell..." I muttered, trying to ignore the feeling like I was bitten by a thousand of very angry ants. "Ugh!"

Finally, after ten minutes or so, I was able to breathe without much pain, and my body didn't itch as much. I got up, and first, thought of running home, but then realized that my legs were shaking so badly that I would probably collapse on the ground if I tried running. So I walked. My mother was waiting for me on the front porch, with her usual cup of tea and a long slim cigarette. My mother smoked for as long as I could remember, and it didn't even bother me anymore.

"Amy!" she exclaimed when she saw me. "I was worried, honey!"

"Took me longer than I thought," I said, huffing and puffing.

She stabbed her cigarette in the ashtray and hugged my sweaty shoulders.

"Honey," she said quietly. "I am so proud of you and your willpower, you have no idea!"

That made me feel a lot better. I smiled at her.

"Thanks, mom... It's going to take a long time though..."

"Not as much as you think," she shook her head. "If you stick to your diet and exercise, you'll be the healthiest person ever very soon!"

I smiled again, grateful that she said, 'healthiest' and not 'skinniest.' I mean, I knew that I looked disgusting, but I really didn't want to hear it from her. Every time she'd say that I needed to cut down on hamburgers, she would never say, "You are getting fat." She would always say, "I am worried about your health, Amy!" Sometimes I wondered if my dad was out of his freaking mind when he left her for Sarah. I mean, my mom was the best!

I took a long shower and couldn't believe how relaxed and sleepy I was afterwards. I thought that all the running would make me restless and hyper, but it was completely the opposite. I went to bed that night and murmured softly to myself, talking to my imaginary friends again. I knew that it was bothering my mom if I did it in public, so I only did when I was alone.

"You are thinking of Russell again," one voice said tiredly.

"Uh huh," I said without opening my eyes.

"Jesus, Amy... The guy is a jerk!"

"Uh huh..."

"Admit it, the only reason you are thinking of him, is because you thought he was flirting with Connor!"

"Oh, please!" the other voice snorted contemptuously. "Thought? He was totally flirting with her!"

"He was," I agreed.

"So what if he was?" that was the reasonable voice again. "What's the big deal? She is twenty-two, he is eighteen..."

"Whatever!" The sarcastic voice snorted again. "He is seventeen, I bet you anything!"

"Fine," the reasonable voice sighed. "He'll be eighteen soon. Plus, they only talked, for crying out loud! He was doing her a favor with the jumper cables and he gave her a cigarette... Big deal!"

"They were flirting," the sarcastic voice repeated stubbornly.

"They were," I agreed again.

"So what if they were?" the reasonable voice sounded annoyed now. "What is it to you, Amy? Please, don't tell me that you have a crush on him! The guy is a jerk and you hate his guts!"

"I do," I sighed and rolled on my side.

"So?" the reasonable voice sounded very puzzled, and I almost laughed. Dear God! Maybe I do belong in a mental institution!

"If he wouldn't talk to Connor, you would never even think about him this way, would you?" the reasonable voice asked.

"I don't know..." I muttered sleepily. "Maybe I would..."

"Just lose all your weight," the not-so-reasonable voice whispered hurriedly. "Get skinny and pretty, and he'll forget all about Connor, okay?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "I like that plan..."

"Jesus, Bauer!" the reasonable voice almost exploded. "This is crazy!! This is..."

"Oh, shut up," I muttered and fell asleep.