The Whale - 9. Part II, chapter 1

Part II

LUKE

- I -

I couldn't believe my eyes. And I thought this year would be boring! There she was, standing by Williamson, uncomfortably shuffling her feet, huge as a whale. My day got so much brighter -- you have no idea! Okay, before I go on, let me clarify something. I am an asshole. I know that I am an asshole. Everyone else in the world knows that I am an asshole. I don't care. It makes life interesting. If you are judging me right now, go ahead. I don't give a damn!

Now that we are clear on this, I am going to continue with my story. So yeah, the whale. At first, it looked way too easy, but then I thought, what the hell. I am going to be bored out of my skull if I don't do something. So I tripped her when she was walking by my desk. I was sort of disappointed when she didn't fall. Oh well, I thought. Better luck next time. Then I remembered that Gym class was next, and I had a serious fit of giggles when I imagined the whale in her gym clothes. Yup, this will be fun!

I wrote her a little note, just to make sure she remembered about the Gym class, and then I said something when she broke her pencil. I don't even remember what it was. I mean, I always run my mouth. Sometimes, I feel like my only purpose in life is to piss off everyone around me. I never had any real friends. Well, can't really blame people for not wanting to hang around me all the time, can I? Ha! Even my parents gave up on me finally.

It happened a couple of months ago, after I got suspended from school again. That time it was for something other than fighting, actually. I thought they would appreciate the variety, but for some strange reason, they didn't. I got busted when they found pot in my backpack, and the damn thing wasn't even mine. I said that, but hey, who wouldn't, right? "Hey, man! That's not mine!" Uh huh. I mean, I do pot now and then, but I am not stupid enough to carry it on me. But anyway, after that little incident, my parents just gave up on me completely. I was beyond hopeless.

Even my brother wouldn't talk to me. We were never best buds, but we could tolerate each other just fine. But after I called him a little ass-kisser -- which he was -- he stopped talking to me altogether. Oh, well. Some people can't handle the truth, I guess. I mean, he always kisses up to our parents, and my mother just loves it. He'll be always like, "Yes, Mom," "Right away, Mom," "Let me do it for you, Mom." Ugh... One night she was going off on me for something, I don't even remember what it was. I mean, the woman is always going off on me for some shit that I did or said or thought. I am used to it and don't even notice it anymore. But that night, she was uncorking big time. The dishes were flying, glass was breaking, the entire scene looked like something out of the Poltergeist movie. So I am just doing my best to dodge the plates that she is throwing at my head. I am pretty good at dodging by now, but her aim keeps getting better. And then that kiss-ass of my brother chimes in. "Luke, you need to be more respectful to Mom."

I almost got hit by a plate, because those words caught me by surprise and I stopped dodging. I managed to turn my head at the last second, and the damn plate flew by my face, missing it by merely an inch. That's when I started laughing like crazy and I called him an ass-kisser. I might've thrown something at him, I can't remember. I think I did. And I think I got him too. Since that night, he wouldn't even walk by me. It's almost as if I were contagious. That's fine with me. I love it when people finally leave me alone.

Kinda hard to be left alone in my family, though. It's always, "Luke, do this," "Luke, do that," "Luke, pick up all the junk off the floor," "Luke, clean the bathroom." Like I am the only one who makes a mess! Seriously, the only place that I actually do mess up is my room. And to be honest, the mess annoys me, so my room is actually somewhat clean all the time. I never even spend time in the living room anymore, because I know, the minute I sit my ass on the couch, my mother will start nagging at me. "You are sitting around again... Why are you so lazy? Why can't you go do something useful, like your brother?" So I avoid being anywhere in the house, except for my room, as much as I can. Therefore, I don't make any mess. And the bathroom? Please! I never even leave my towel in there, because I know that my dick of a brother will wipe the floor with it. Not even my toothbrush. Yet, somehow, I am always the one who is responsible for the mess.

I never clean something if I didn't mess it up in the first place. I am not your slave, okay? My motto is -- you crapped, you clean it. Sounds fair to me, but not to my parents. Oh well, tough, that's what I say. I told them that I was not moving out until I turned eighteen. I am not going to pay for my own place until they have a legal right to kick me out. I guess I am doing it just to be spiteful, but as I said in the very beginning, I am an asshole.

Anyway, back to the whale. The gym was even more fun than I imagined. Freeman made her run. It was awesome. Of course, Freeman kicked me out of the gym after my little skit, but it was so totally worth it. I went outside, had a cigarette, came back, and what do I see? The whale making her way to the cafeteria. Oh, man... Like I could resist that? She got so pissed that she tried hitting me with a tray. I just started laughing. Come on! After all the training that I got from my mother, this was a child's play. And then she threw that tray at me. Have you ever seen whales throwing things? You should. It's hilarious!

So then, I think I snorted at her or something, I don't remember. I was tired by that point; I didn't get much sleep the night before. Don't ask me why, you'll hate me even more. Let me just say, it involved a blonde, a brunette, and three or so joints. See? You hate me already, and you don't even know half of the story...

So anyway, I almost skipped math that day -- I freaking hate math -- but then I saw Williamson marching towards me, and I gritted my teeth. Fine, I'll go to the damn class. So I go in there and almost decide to trip the whale again, but then Williamson walks in, and behind him there is a girl, right? So I am thinking, great, another new person. Then Williamson starts quacking as usual, and when he is done, I realize that the girl is our freaking math teacher! Dude! She is, like, twenty or something, no way!! So Williamson says that her last name is Connor, and once again, I can't help myself. So I make a little rhyme. Nothing too bad, don't want her to flunk me or anything. And then she looks at me and fires right back in my face, with this look in her eyes that says, "Oh, please! I've played this game before, and let me tell you, buddy, I am way better at it than you!"

Oh really now?! Okay, then! Let's play! So I guess I got a bit too childish with the whole farting noise that I made, but I was improvising, give me a break! And she tells me to go and take a shit. Except not like that. Oh, no. She put it in such sarcastic way that I looked like an idiot. Then she makes me go to the board. I hate math with a passion, but I am actually good at it. So I am thinking, whatever. I go up there, solve her little riddle, and give her a smile. "Come on," I am thinking. "Read it and weep!" She read it. And I wept. I couldn't believe that I made that stupid mistake! Oh, man... Now I am pissed. I have to admit, she got me good. She pissed me off, but she got me good. I am always up for a worthy opponent.

Next day I decided to skip school and plot my revenge on that Connor chick. So I thought a little, and then I remembered about something I once saw in the movie. Yeah, I have to admit, it wasn't my brilliant idea, but it was damn funny. I decided to copy that.

So next morning, I am waiting for her to get into the building, and then I see the whale. She looked like she was about to have a heart attack when she saw me. I was tempted to do something entertaining, but then I saw Connor and decided to ignore the whale for now. Will be plenty of time for that later, after Connor starts sobbing uncontrollably. I mean, that's what happened to the chick in the movie. She totally lost it.

So I get behind Connor when she is looking for something in her pockets, and very nicely and carefully clip those two condoms onto her bag. I was almost happy when I did it. All I had to do now was to wait for her to get into the classroom. I was sort of disappointed when I imagined her crying and all. I mean, it would be fun to actually harass her for longer period of time, but oh, well.

Everybody sees the condoms, I make my little two cents worth of speech, and I am waiting for crying and wild applause, when suddenly, she turns the tables on me and makes a remark that implies that I have a small dick.

Okay, she got me again. Damn, she is good at this game. I am thinking that now she'll call me to the board again, and she calls the whale! I was so startled that it didn't even occur to me to do something to the whale when she waddled by my desk. Then I look at Connor more closely while she is watching the whale, and I realize that she has the most amazing eyes I've ever seen.

By this point, I was like, "Whoa! Since when do I notice the eyes before I check out the rest of the package?" That was weird. So I check out the rest of the package, right? And it's nice. Then she starts chuckling at something the whale did, and I make myself to look at the board. Hmm, the whale is actually okay at math, who would've thought... I see her mistake right away though. I had to admit, this particular riddle was nice! I mean, the trap was nasty, because it was so easy to miss. So I start cracking up, and Connor makes me go up there, but this time I am good. I fix the whale's solution, and then Connor gives me a smile, and all I can think is, "Oh, man..."

After the day was over, all I wanted to do was to get the hell out of there as soon as I could. I bumped into someone; I don't even remember who the hell it was. I don't think I even looked. So I keep walking towards my car, and then I realize that I left my damn book in the classroom. Crap. I had to go back and get it, because there was no way in hell I'd mess up that damn math again! So I go back, get the book, and on the way out of the parking lot who do I see? Connor kicking the shit out of a car. I figured right away that it was her car. I mean, why else would she kick a car on school property on her second day, right? So I go there, talk to her, and she says her battery died and she is pissed. I always have jumper cables on me, so I am all like, "I'll jump you." She gave me a look that said, "Uh huh. I haven't heard this one before!" But it's still funny, right?

So I get back, tell her to pop the hood, and out of the blue, she is all like, "You smoke, right?" Oh, come on!! I couldn't believe it! She had to spoil it. Damn!! So I say, "Yeah," thinking that here comes the speech on how bad it is, do I even realize what I am doing to my body, blah, blah, blah... And then she asks if she can bum a smoke from me. I don't remember the last time I was speechless. In fact, I am pretty sure that it never happened before. Usually, I am having troubles with shutting my mouth, not opening it. I give her a cigarette, and then her fingers touch my skin when she takes it. Oh my freaking God!! I couldn't believe the rush I felt! It was insane! I am pretty sure she felt the same, because her smile just froze for a second. Then she says, "Bye, Ally" or something like that, and I am confused. I look around and I see the whale waddling away. Holy shit! She's been standing here this whole time and I didn't even see her?

So by the time we are done with her car, I realize that I can't let her go. As ridiculous as it sounded, I couldn't let her go. So I ask if she wants to go for coffee and whatnot, and at first, she was really hesitant. I mean, with her being a teacher and all. So I tell her to get to that little coffee shop that almost nobody goes to in her car, and I will drive mine, so nobody starts spreading some nasty shit rumors, and her entire face lights up. And after it did, I was like, "Yup. That's it. I am gone."

So we meet at that coffee shop, get our coffees, go outside, and just start talking. Not about school or math, but just stuff, you know? And it was so weird, because usually I never tell people about me. The less they know, the better. I mean, if nobody knows shit about you that means they can't use it against you. But with her it was like the flood gate opened. I told her about my parents, and she laughed her head off when I got to the part with me regularly dodging plates. I told her about my brother, and she winced and said that she totally gets me. She has a sister who is a complete bitch from hell so she knows exactly how I feel.

Hell, usually chicks would always say that they know exactly how I feel. I know it's a lie. There is no way they can know that. But with her... I knew she wasn't just saying that. She knew exactly how I felt. It was weird. We stayed by that coffee place almost until ten at night, can you believe it? Then finally, the cashier girl came out, and told us to move it because she had to put the chairs away.

So I walked Connor to her car, and we smoked for a while, and then I honestly don't remember how it happened, but we were making out like two monkeys in heat. It was insane! The only thing I remember is the thought that I can't let her go. So every time she would pull away, I'd just pull her back. Finally, she pulled away for real, and she looked like she just ran a freaking marathon. Her face was all pink, hair messed up, she was breathing like she just moved a shitload of very heavy furniture around. Then I realize that I look even worse probably. She looks at me, and she is all like, "Luke, this is so wrong on so many levels..." And I just stare at her.

"Are you involved with someone?" I asked, and she just blinked.

"No."

"Are you married?"

"God, Luke, no!"

"Then I don't see a problem, Faith."

"Jesus, Luke... I am your teacher... Oh, God... How old are you? Please tell me you are legal..."

"Well..."

"Crap!"

"I will be eighteen on the thirteenth of November; it's, like, two months away, okay?"

"Luke, this is insane... We can't..."

"Faith..."

"What?"

"Don't go..."

"Russell... This is... Oh my God, this is good..."

"Like that, do you?"

"Oh, just shut up..."

And just like that, we were together.