Stoke - 13. Drop

We sat in the dingy, but well-appointed library. There were so many books that I couldn’t help but wonder if it was possible to get through them all in one lifetime. I’d bet Wren could get through them, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever really seen him read for fun. My hastily drawn picture of Anders’ war map sat among the correspondence between him and Lex. Added to that were the papers I’d found in the other tent Talon had taken me to the night we’d escaped from Lex once and for all. Laid out altogether, it looked like a great confused mess, but my allies seemed to be pairing things up and surmising information and a tentative timeline of what had been happening under our noses.

“Lex disobeyed his orders at almost every turn it seems. Anders was obviously intelligent, but he began trusting the brunt of his forces and crucial missions to a mad man.” Eon said as he read through a letter scribbled in Lex’s hand. That was a noticeable change. As the letters between them progressed, Lex’s handwriting became worse. Through his penmanship, you could track his descent into full blown madness. He’d hidden it well, but I was thankful. I’m not sure if any of us were aware of how bad he was getting.

“It made sense to have us all killed. Talon and Kalian especially. Wren as well. I doubt he enjoyed having someone within the palace who had as many resources as he did and was capable of keeping tabs on him.” Tyren mused, fingers running over the letter that’d detailed the Queen’s “appeasement”.

“Perhaps dear old Lex did us a favor? He underestimated Kalian right up until the end.” Talon’s eyes scanned my crude drawing, finger pointing to the single Dlethian unit creeping towards Krinn, “That is not a mistake. That was a carefully calculated maneuver on his part to get rid of Kalian before he even got to Syrin. It seems, our friend Anders has been playing this game far longer than any of us were aware it existed. Maybe Mallex included.”

“Mallex was a pawn. I wouldn’t be shocked if his mind’s shatter was his general’s doing. Maybe in his rush to have a fresh new face still tied to the military under his control, he tipped Lex into insanity?” Hanja affirmed, eyes on Talon’s finger, “I assume also, that he didn’t count on Kalian collecting allies from and away from home. He thought that he’d get there, this naïve little lord, and be swept into a marriage and that’d be the end of it. He wasn’t prepared to have an actual threat on his hands. Now, he’s scrambling. Hence this Dimian Crusade. It’s sloppy. It spits in the face of the years of preparation Anders had previously been doing.”

“Why?” I asked, confused. An army was still an army after all…

“Mercenaries are not a loyal force. They fight for material things or their own benefit. If things sway in a non-beneficial direction there’s a higher chance, they may simply desert. Syrin’s soldiers are trained and fight for the king. They take oaths and will gladly die for that king and country. I wonder if Anders is having more trouble swaying the armed forces than he thought. It’s possible it grew even harder for him when Lex died.” Eon thought aloud, rubbing his scruff-covered chin.

“It probably doesn’t help morale when a captain, a brother in arms, goes crazy and a general starts throwing together a sloppy force of paid swords to possibly stand against the king you’ve sworn your life to protect.” Talon nodded, teeth pressing into his lower lip.

”When I was asking around court, Lex had an overall positive reputation. As crazy as he was at the end, he worked his way up through the ranks the old fashioned way. He was loved by his men. Anders…backstabbed and manipulated his way into power. He isn’t well liked among the regular men.” Eon explained.

“What’s our plan then?” Tyren tilted his head, shuffling the papers around.

“The students must be a priority and if there is fighting it must be kept as far away from the school grounds as possible.” Hanja insisted, eyes fierce.

“Anders will know you both feel that way and if it comes to it that will be his first distraction.” Talon straightened, eyes growing dark. Wren nodded slowly, resting an illustration of the school on top of the papers we were looking at.

“How can you know that?” Amaris spoke up suddenly. She’d been so quiet; I’d almost forgotten that she was sitting on the other side of the room. Her arms were crossed over her chest, long hair let loose for once.

“Because” Talon glanced up at her and smiled sadly, “It’s what I would do. You hit them where it hurts. You hit them where it will rile up their emotions the most so that they aren’t running on logic and reason. They’re more apt to do something stupid then. Something rash. Why do you think he ‘accidentally’ allowed Lex to hint at what had been done to me? He then was all too happy to contribute details. He knew it would hurt. He knew Kalian would go after me and he set the trap. He unfortunately didn’t set a big enough one.” Amaris fell quiet. Our entire group did for a few minutes. We had known early on that what we were walking into wasn’t good. We’d gone anyway. We could have easily died. We were supposed to if Lex’s letters were to be trusted. Only his strange obsession with me had pulled us through to see another day. The inside of my lip was raw and yet I kept biting at it. Things could have ended so differently.

I wasn’t stupid. This was unlike anything I’d ever done before. People were going to get hurt. My people maybe. I tried to link together what they were saying. I tried to line it up in neat order so that I could reach the end point they were inching towards, but I couldn’t. My brain wasn’t working. My friends kept talking. Would this Crusade stand against the army proper? Was part of the army still loyal to the king and would they come to his aid if we raised the flag announcing Anders’ treason? Would they follow a rag tag group of misfits that had already been accused of treason officially? Was the poor queen even alive at this point?

As hard as I tried, my thoughts spun in circles, chasing their own tails. It was okay in the end because I had the rest of the group who were able to cobble together a rough plan. I didn’t hear it. I frowned. I could see their mouths moving, but I had no idea what conclusion they’d come to. Talon looked excited as did Eon. Wren smiled down at his claws and Hanja was nodding as if he was agreeable for once. What was happening? What had we decided?

“I don’t know what’s going on.” I forced the words out.

“It’s okay love,” Talon’s palm rested on my cheek, “Nothing is set in stone. We’re going to lay everything in place after we’ve had a break. We’ve been at this since lunch and it’s near eight at night.”

“Rah and Loren could know if the Queen’s alive. Is it weird that Anders knows who she is and let her come after you no questions asked?” Talon smiled down at me and linked our fingers as we walked. For some reason his answers were making me even crazier.

“Good points. We’ll have to bring them up to the group. Loren and Rah may have to join us for part of the discussion. They may have valuable information. We don’t know anything about this Crusade either.” Talon kissed my forehead as we meandered to the kitchen to scrounge up something to eat.

 *

“Or should I let you live and let your curse eat you alive?”

“Has he hurt you yet?”

I watched Talon’s hand rise over Wren’s head, face twisted in a snarl and eyes devoid of recognition. He’d stopped. He had stopped himself. Except he didn’t this time. His claws cut through the air and raked over Wren’s face and chest. Wren’s body jerked, still tightly held in Talon’s grip. The claws were scraping forward, digging, and Wren’s head lolled back. His pink eyes were dull and vacant, mouth agape. His body dropped to the ground, and he lay there limply. I covered my mouth as the room around me melted away. Everything was black now. It was just Talon, Wren, and me. Blood spilled from Wren’s open lips, and I tried forcing my eyes away from the bloody hole in his chest. There was movement next to him. Talon stood to his full height; pale skin lost entirely to the corruption he’d wrought upon himself. He barely stood out against our surroundings. I could see his outline as it stalked toward me.

I took a step back.

“Has he hurt you?”

I took two steps back, one right after the other.

“Has he hurt you?”

I was back pedaling quickly now, trying to track him with my eyes.

“Hurt you?”

He didn’t move any faster. It was a steady pace, but somehow, I never gained any distance even as I practically sprinted backwards.

“Kal? What’s wrong?” It wasn’t Talon’s voice. A black hand reached out of the dark and I couldn’t figure out how I was able to see the blood dripping from it. Wren had faded into the background. I had no idea how far we’d moved from him. The hand grabbed for me, and I cringed away, “What are you doing?”

Anger. He was getting angry. Claws swiped for my face again and my feet got tangled in each other. I tripped and fell backwards. I landed against something solid and strong hands helped me up, holding me against a broad chest.

“Remember when I told you he couldn’t make you happy?” Hands gripped my chin roughly in a way that was all too familiar, and I bit my tongue hard. I tasted blood in my mouth. A light blinked on overhead, and it hurt my eyes. Talon stepped into it. His skin was completely black like I had thought, claws longer than I had ever seen them, and fangs hanging well past his lower lip. Onyx eyes looked at me and who held me, confusion on his face.

“Oh no, liebe. I’m not sure the monster knows who you are.” A laugh sounded right by my ear, and I winced as Lex’s fingers dug into my jaw. At least he had skin here. He was normal this time. Skin, hair, and he lacked the stages of decomposition. Talon looked between the two of us, back and forth. Almost like an animal not sure what it was looking at. A low growl vibrated across the space and Talon’s body tensed.

“Oh, that’s my cue love. Enjoy the choices you made.” Lex laughed again and suddenly his body left mine, his presence was absent entirely. I stumbled back and glanced behind me. There was a shift in the air around and a blinding pain in my chest. I turned slowly. Claws, Talon’s claws were…inside my chest. All the way through. I sputtered, blood spilling from my mouth as I looked up at him in shock. His head tilted as he looked down at me, still zero recognition on that near demonic, perfect face. Wavy graphite hair fell into his eyes. He leaned down slowly. I coughed, my blood spraying over his cheeks and lips. His hand ripped from my chest, pulling a ragged, wet cry from my mouth. The same bloody hand cradled my face gently as his fangs ripped my neck apart.

Our normal group was used to my screaming by now. There had been no one to slam our door open. No one rushed down the hall to make sure I wasn’t being attacked. Talon had startled awake of course, worry etched all over his face, but I had talked the whole thing away. I had been able to hide the dream from Talon verbally and through my mental walls. On those fronts I’d been golden, but he’d seen my face. The raw terror I knew was displayed there. He wouldn’t have taken it well had I told him. I stood in the church’s kitchen now, rubbing my tired eyes as I willed my heartbeat to slow. What was that? I’d never had a dream where he hurt me. Not once. Was this the Soul Eater’s doing? Was it still influencing me somehow? I closed my eyes and placed my palms flat on the cool tile countertop. He’d be worried, upset. I’d ran from the room with some excuse about needing to walk off my adrenaline. The truth was I had woken up, seen his face, and felt his teeth sink into my skin again. I’d felt the blinding pain of sharp teeth ripping through my throat. I gripped the edge of the counter as I gasped for breath. Talon would never do that. Any of it. He’d stopped himself with Wren. He’d done it by himself. No one had even helped him.

Would anyone have been able to? With Wren overpowered, who physically could have stopped him?

I forced the tiny voice down in my mind. My breathing was still erratic and there was no way I could face him like this. We needed more answers. I didn’t know if this corruption was triggered every time, he used his gift or if it was when he used a great amount of it. He’d said at one point that he could feel something trying to take over. Was that what had happened with Wren? Was that what my dream was trying to warn me against? I chewed the skin on the side of my nail and let my eyes slip closed again. My thoughts were scrambled, and it seemed it would be yet another night where I was unable to draw any conclusions. I had no idea what time it was. I needed to figure out my panic and get upstairs before Tyren decided it was time to start his morning and get breakfast preparations underway. Food. That was another issue I needed to address with the group. Ever since the contact with the Soul Eater had started, food held no appeal for me. It tasted like I was eating ash or on occasion, blood. It seemed to go hand in hand with the dreams of Lex. There was a lot I needed to tell them it seemed. I sighed and let my head fall back. This new dream too. We’d promised to be honest with each other as a group. I couldn’t start withholding things again. It was going to hurt Talon. I could see his face now.

“Are you okay?” I jumped and almost fell over as Rah slowly came into the kitchen. She wore a thin black robe, and her hair was a mess, flattened on one side. It made me smile. She looked young for once.

“Yes, sorry. I have awful dreams. I should have warned you. This one was a little worse than they have been. I thought I had them under control. I haven’t had a really bad screaming one since you two joined us.” I rubbed the back of my neck as I rambled and she came to stand at the edge of the counter. She now rested her hands on the top of it. She was roughly three feet away and I noticed she didn’t have her blindfold. Her white lashes were almost translucent as she blinked in the moonlight, and under them I saw the faintest grey in her irises.

“I have dreams as well. You don’t need to apologize. My brother doesn’t…comfort you when you have dreams?” I started at her word choice and smiled to myself. I wondered how Talon would react to it?

“He does, but sometimes I need to be alone.” She seemed to consider, stretching long arms out over the counter, turning her face more into the light as if she could feel it like warm sunlight. Her eyelids fluttered closed, and I turned to look out the windows that sat on the opposite wall as well.

“We are going to leave.” She whispered after a few minutes. Her words dropped like stones between us, sending ripples over the silence that spread anxiety through me.

“But why? You and Talon have found each other, and I’m sure you both have much to talk about. We’ve invited you into our group. There’s no reason for you to leave now.” I wanted to reach for her hands that were still outstretched but instead kept mine flat on the counter.

Her head turned to me, eyes large and filled to the brim with emotion, “It is strange to be wanted somewhere. I’ve never known a person like you Kalian.”

She looked away, eyes filled with the pale light streaming into the room, “He’s going to ask the girl to come with us. They are together as we speak.”

I brought my arms close to my body, letting her words sink in, “They barely know each other. There’s no way she’ll agree to go with two complete strangers.”

“She agreed to go with your group, didn’t she? Wren was the only one familiar to her, correct? Either way, I’m glad we met.” She smiled sadly in my direction and left the room, her hand outstretched in front of her. I looked around the simple kitchen. It’s yellowed tiled and black cabinets showed their age and half the handles were chipped or broken completely off. The only evidence that it wasn’t abandoned was the food we left out on counters for future use. Amaris would never go with them. There was no way. She didn’t know Loren and Rah. We were her friends, her family.

I worried my lip between my teeth, skimming my finger over the round curve of an apple. It teetered towards me, and I let it roll into my palm. I lifted it to my lips, hesitating. I shook my head and took a bite. At first it was crisp, the juice refreshing and then it shifted. The apple’s flesh was like flakey ash in my mouth, the juice blood. I gagged and set the apple down, grimacing as I forced down the single small bite. It was getting worse. When it had started it hadn’t been this bad. The strange sensation had built over time. I was able to clear a plate. Then it was half, a fourth, and now I couldn’t even stand a bite. It had only been a few days for gods’ sake! I held my hand over my mouth until I was sure I wouldn’t retch and gripped the counter when a shape shot by the window. A dark figure, fast, tattered edges the only thing I managed to see with any real surety. It was back again. Physically this time.

Through the door to the next room, I went. It was a small formal dining room that had a set of black double doors that led onto a small patio. I stood in the center of the room. A silhouette was outlined against the curtained panels of the two doors. So, I was right. It was back.

Stepping forward slowly, I wrapped my fingers around the long horizontal door handle. I heard the whispers, excited, nervous, angry. The wind outside had picked up, but it was nothing like what we’d felt the night the monster had attacked us. I pressed my ear to the peeling black paint and closed my eyes as I listened.

“Child.”

“You are back. What for this time?” My tone clipped, a few voices hissed and some whined. Were there even fewer voices this time? In my dreams and when we’d fought it, there had been so many. A chorus, a hurricane of different voices trying to be the loudest to drown the others out. Now there were only a few.

“The man. He’s done something. I grow weaker.”

“How unfortunate for you.” I shrugged against the door. A gust of wind rattled the glass in the door’s panes, but it held strong.

“He’s taking my power.” That changed things. I bit my lip and considered. If Anders was able to steal the Soul Eater’s essence, his Magik, we’d be in a great deal of trouble. It was already obvious that Anders was powerful. With this monster tacked on, he’d be unstoppable. The others needed to know. This was a huge shift in plans we hadn’t even made yet.

“How do I know you’re not lying?” The doors shook weakly, and the Soul Eater made strange gasping and shrieking noises. A hand smacked limply at the wood and glass over my head, and I recognized the bony elongated fingers. It couldn’t force its way in. Not like before. It didn’t have the strength.

“I will…I will help you save your mate. Your power…it’s owner was mine too.” I flinched at the archaic term and narrowed my eyes. Wren had said more than once that out of all the ancient creatures of legend he’d grown up with, the Soul Eater never made deals with humans. But it had said that it would make a deal since my power was derived from its kin. Or apparently it’s mate. I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t come to final decisions. It felt like there was some kind of block in my mind and I had no idea how to break through.

“I will help you with that as well and the food.” I gripped the handle tighter and grit my teeth. It was responsible for this then. I should’ve known. Throwing open the door I raised my hands and got ready to blast the creature that was bound to attack me. Only it didn’t. Gone was the imposing figure that’d accosted us in the woods. The one that’d snapped Talon’s wrists as if they were tiny sticks and ripped Wren’s side open as if he were nothing. He was still taller than me but stood closer to Talon’s height now. He was hunched over, arms tucked to his chest almost feebly as he stared at me from his strange eyeless sockets. The mist around his head was absent and his cloak hung limply around him, few faces trapped in the otherworldly fabric.

“First, Talon.” I ordered, eyes still trying to process that what stood before me was the creature that it had taken all of us to hold down in the woods.

“You must first agree to help me with the human who drains my soul.”

“Anders will be stopped.” I snapped, “You will tell me how to stop whatever is happening with Talon.”

A bony finger rose, and I watched it waver, “The boy has cursed himself, but still possesses a pure heart. There is a book. It is the Leviticum’s sister. It holds his spell’s reverse. It is not Parler Noir, but Disputatio and Zunge combined. Be warned though, child, if he pushes the tainted part of himself too far, there will be no reversal.”

“Great. Where’s this book?” The horrifying black hole mouth widened in what I thought might be an amused grin. I lifted my hand and it winced away from me. That was a wonderful feeling.

“It was gifted.”

“To whom?”

“This country’s ruling family.” I paused. Why on earth would the Dlethian royal family have any use for a book of spells? I glared at the being in front of me and tried to discern from the lack of facial features whether I was being misled.

“Why?”

“I have helped you with your first dilemma. Surely now, in good faith you will- “

“I will do nothing for you until you answer my questions. Why isn’t my thinking…why can’t I…?” I frowned, unsure how to even put it into words. I had missed the glaring fact that Talon and Rah were siblings. One part of my brain always seemed at odds with the other. Connecting dots to help my friends come to any kind of solution was impossible.

That strange grin again, “I will visit tomorrow. I will explain.”

It blinked out of existence, and I growled in frustration. Stupid, vague thing.

“Kal?” Amaris padded into the room; her feet were bare. Her hair was still down, and she pulled some of it over her shoulder as she studied me. I’m sure I looked strange. I was standing in the dining room in the middle of the night with the outside doors open, the freezing cold air blowing through the thin tunic I wore. I wasn’t even wearing real pants. Just underclothes and a borrowed tunic that hung to my thighs and was made of black silk. It may have been Talon’s favorite and he may also have been looking for it for a month. I shoved my messy bedhead out of my face and eased the doors closed.

“What’s going on? I heard voices.” She frowned at me, and I glanced over her thin, short, slip of a dress. So, we seemed to be in equal states of undress at least.

“Uh, Soul Eater again. Talking in circles. Generally being a nuisance and terrorizing me.” She smiled nervously and took another step forward. She was acting strange for some reason.

“Is something wrong, Ris?” I crossed the small distance between us and rested my hand on her bare shoulder, concern growing. She leaned against me, and the side of her head rested against my shoulder.

“You remember when we were talking about what I wanted out of life and how I wasn’t sure I was positive what that was?” Dread. It started small. A tiny ball in the pit of my stomach. It rolled and rolled in on itself while I tried to find words to say. I tried to make myself speak even though I was scared that I might know where this conversation might be going.

“Mhm.” I mumbled intelligently, clearing my throat as I wrapped an arm around her thin shoulders. It was cold down here and I had held the door open for quite a while.

“Kalian I’ve been starting to think for a while that maybe…maybe it’s uh…” Amaris trailed off, her voice pained. That ball rolled tighter as it got bigger, expanding painfully up into my chest. What Rah had said earlier came back and it felt like that ball was cracking my ribs open from the inside.

“I think that maybe I’m not going to find it with the rest of you.” My whole body went stiff, and she rushed on, “Of course, I will still help with Anders, but maybe in a different way than we all originally planned. Loren said that there’s a lot of unrest in Dimian. The military, the civilians. People are unhappy. He thinks that with a little push they could be, ugh what was the word he used, unified? Rallied? I don’t know, something to stand against Anders and his grab at the throne. Loren has so many ideas Kal. He’s so smart. I mean he was royalty. He was raised to you know… be royal. I ju- “

“You want to leave with him. You want to leave us.” My voice was hollow, and I pulled my arms away from her, stepping away to create distance between us.

She closed her eyes for a moment, “Wouldn’t you want to? I love you Kal. You’re my best friend, but I’m so sick of getting lost in a sea of super powered people. At least with Rah and Loren, I feel like an equal. I don’t feel like an afterthought.”

“This conversation feels oddly familiar.” My nose wrinkled and I crossed my arms, “Also, as happy as I am that Talon found Rah. We still don’t know them. You want to go with them just like that? How can you trust them so easily?”

“You want to compare? Kalian you’re a fighter now. Novice or not. It doesn’t matter when you call the FUCKING SUN! I trusted you! Hanja! Tyren! Eon! I didn’t know any of you! I trusted you with my life and I hated you! How is this any different!” It was like a slap in the face, made worse by Rah using the same defense earlier. Had they all discussed this together? Had Loren and Rah helped her strategize for this conversation?

“We’re family now! You can’t go! You can’t decide like that! Are you even going to ask the others what they think?”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do. I don’t care what any of you fucking think!”

“What’s going on?” Talon blinked as he entered the room. His hair was a mess and he hadn’t bothered with a shirt. He was looking between the two of us with raised brows as he rubbed sleep from his eye. Our volume had been climbing with Amaris’ last words being a scream. My anger doubled as Loren followed behind Talon, leaning against the doorframe. His eyes scanned over Talon’s bare torso, and I let out a hiss. It wasn’t his fault really. I knew that. But his smug expression paired with my own hurt made me want to explode.

“You’re infatuated with him. I feel like you’ve romanticized him Ris! He’s literally checking out Talon as we speak!” Talon and Amaris’ eyes both snapped to Loren who held up his hands and raised his eyes to a polite level. Talon rolled his and moved closer to me.

“Again, what’s going on. Why are you two screaming?” Talon’s head tilted to the side, raking over the two of us.

“I would like to know as well.” Eon stumbled into the room, Wren springing onto his back at the last minute. Pink eyes glowed in the moonlight as they studied Loren.

“They’re leaving. Amaris wants to leave with them.” I snapped, ignoring Amaris’ sharp look. Loren leaned more fully against the doorframe, chuckling softly as if this was the funniest thing. He somehow found humor in this. How?

“I assume we are referring to the lecher and my, uh, sister.” Talon ground out, wincing at the last word, “If so, Amaris is an adult. I think it’s a bad idea, but it’s her choice. No one is required to stay in this group.”

I stared at him as Eon added, “As long as we can trust them to keep their mouths shut. Amaris doesn’t know our final plans, but she does have some of our limited intel which could prove to be dangerous.”

“I would never share anything our group has planned or talked about with anyone else. I’m Verseckt trained. I’m trained to never give up information.” Amaris scowled.

“When you were chummy with Lex before you decided to help with Talon, did that extend to Anders? Tell me, how exactly has his pretend army been finding us?” I tilted my head to the side and then blinked, covering my mouth. Where had that come from? I had honestly forgotten our conversation when she’d forced me to divulge the details of my relationship with Talon. That had been water under the bridge for a long time.

“Kalian.” Talon stared at me, eyes wide. Eon looked troubled and Wren was glaring down at me from my brother’s back.

“I only said I was spending time with Lex to hurt you and Talon. Kalian that was so long ago. We weren’t even friends then. How could you throw that in my face now?” Amaris’ eyes were huge, betrayal welling up in the form of tears.

My mouth seemed to open by itself, vocal chords possessed, “Oh really, you just overheard that entire conversation between Mallex and Anika? They let you have a front row seat, did they?”

Tears ran down Amaris’ cheeks and she dragged her forearm over them and stomped from the room. Loren gave me a winning smile that ended in a wink and followed her. My hand was clamped over my mouth again and once I registered my own poisonous words I dashed after her. Talon caught my arm gently and avoided my eyes. Wren had dropped down and blocked the doorway, gaze filled with rage. Wren had never pointed that look in my direction. Eon was even staring at me as though he’d never seen me before.

What was going on with me? Was I losing my mind?

*

It was cold. It was dreary. It was pretty on par by this point for a morning in Dleth. We stood in front of the church. Loren was making sure everything was squared away and Rah stood with her back to us, face turned to what little sunlight managed to stream through the dense clouds. I kept my eyes on the ground to avoid seeing the third person beside Rah. Amaris stood with her pack secured to her back, coat half buttoned and hair in two, neat, tight braids on either side of her head. Her lips were painted her normal scarlet and I’d seen the same painted on Rah’s as well. It seemed they were already bonding. How nice for them.

She’s already replacing you. It’s easy. They’ll all do it eventually. Replace you. You’re not special.

I closed my eyes at the mean voice that pierced through my brain. I stood a tiny distance away from my group. Talon had been distant, as had Eon. Wren had been downright hostile. Poor Tyren and Hanja must’ve been caught up at some point by someone and seemed to be attempting to remain neutral. I hadn’t spoken to Amaris since our argument last night. I hadn’t been given the chance to apologize for the words that had bubbled out of my mouth like poisonous tar. I still had no idea where they had come from. I rubbed my side gently. The cold seeped through my coat and I made myself look up. Loren was making a great show of buttoning up the top of her coat and she shoved him playfully. He smirked and yanked the end of one of her braids. It’d been a matter of days. When had they developed this comfortable back and forth? Had I been blind to it? Lost in my own happy relationship?

We stood awkwardly in two lines, facing each other once they were ready to go. Some shifted on their feet and the atmosphere was restless. Tyren being Tyren started the goodbyes and bridged the gap. He’d made them a small number of rations and he hugged Amaris hard. She wiped at her eyes after holding onto him tight. She turned to Hanja who raised his hand stiffly in a wave. She threw her arms around his neck, and Hanja went rigid. Slowly his arms wrapped around the girl, and he pressed a kiss to the side of her head. Eon ruffled her hair, and they shared a smile. Wren wrapped himself around her and they clung to each other for a long stretch of time. She hid her face in his neck and he stroked her braids gently. When she pulled back, he looked uncomfortable as he always did after outward displays of affection. He caught her hands before she went too far. He held them in his and pressed them to his forehead in a gesture I’d never seen. Her eyes went wide, and she was back in his arms, tears spilling freely. He patted her back, clearly over his limit now. She broke away and the smile she gave him was blinding.

She now stood in front of Talon who rubbed his neck, “Uh, hey. It wouldn’t be the worst thing if after all of this you came out alive. So maybe, ya know, try for that.”

She laughed and punched him hard in the side, “I’ll do my best moron.”

She turned to me, and her smile faltered. I didn’t know whether to step out from behind Talon or stay where I was. Did she want to say goodbye to me? Had I hurt her feelings too much? Had I burned that bridge? We stared at each other, and I took a deep breath. Even if she rejected me, I would know that I had tried. I had to try. She moved at the same time, and we were hugging. Her arms were around my neck, mine around her waist and she smashed me against her chest. I closed my eyes and winced when I heard someone clear their throat.

“Little goddess, as sweet as all of the goodbyes have been, we have to get back on the road.” I glared at him over her shoulder and walked her over.

“Loren.”

“Oh. I believe, beautiful, that’s the first time you’ve used my name. I’m a fan.” He grinned at me. I glanced over to where Talon had followed behind me. Not to join in my conversation with Loren, I noticed. He stood in front of Rah and as I watched as he placed his ring in her outstretched palm, gently folding her fingers closed around it as he spoke to her. His words were too low for me to make out. I turned my attention back to Loren.

“If any harm befalls my friend, especially if it’s your doing or fault, I will burn your soul from your fucking body.” I looked up at him, lilac eyes meeting one brown and one green.

“Oh? I look forward to it little prince.” He laughed.

I lunged forward, gripping his collar, and yanking him to me so we were nose to nose, “That is the only girl I will ever love. I am not kidding. This is not a joke. I. Will. Hunt. You. Down. I will wipe you from existence. There will be nothing left of your soul for the judges in the afterlife to weigh.”

His eyes widened and the smile slowly melted from his lips, some emotion flashing through his unique gaze. His eyes ran over me in a very different way-an opponet sizing up an enemy. I released him and stepped back. Amaris gripped my hand for a moment, squeezing, and I returned the grip. I let go and turned. Talon’s arm wrapped around my shoulders as we walked back to stand in front of the church. Goodbyes said and preparations made, they set off without much more fuss. I wanted to cry like a baby, and I caught Tyren sniffling in the kitchen a bit later on but otherwise it seemed as if we were in a daze. How had a part of us been taken away so easily?
No one was hurt. No one was killed. She simply left. Just like that. I sat next to Talon at dinner and ignored my food, missing her vulgar humor, her boisterous laugh, and the mischievous smiles. The spot next to me was so empty. It was like a void in my life that was threatening to suck everything else in around it. I kept glancing to the chair. This wasn’t right. She belonged here with us. She was meant to be stabbing nails into my ribs as she teased me. I needed to have her lunging across me to taunt and jeer at Talon as they traded barbs. After dinner there would be no sitting at the end of my bed or sitting in the library working on our letters together. We wouldn’t dissolve into giggles over mispronunciations. I’d never wake up again to Talon carrying me to bed after we’d fallen asleep, him taking the couch as he arranged Amaris and I together.

All at once I felt tears slipping down my cheeks and I felt foolish. It wasn’t the same kind of pain I’d felt when Talon had been taken from me, but it hurt in a similar way. It was a great absence of someone who was dear to me, someone I had made a place for in my life. A person I believed belonged there. I stood abruptly and Talon looked up at me, fork halfway to his mouth. His eyebrows rose, grey eyes unsurprised. He didn’t question it.

Do you want me to come with?

No.

I left the kitchen, ignoring the looks of the others as I aimlessly wove my way through the church. I had no idea where I was going. My heart ached. I let the tears flow freely. It wasn’t the horrendous sobbing I had done on the floor of the manor in Syrin. Snot all over my face as I clutched at whatever I could reach. No. It was controlled. I was simply sad. It hurt and there was nothing I could do to fix it. I didn’t own Amaris. If she thought this could make her happy, who was I to stand in her way? I hadn’t apologized. I should have. I should never have let her leave without doing so. I swallowed hard and tried to give a name to this new emotion. I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt it before. It was awful and I hated it. I wanted her to be happy, but this absence was absolutely crushing.

“You grieve child.” Grief. I was grieving. That couldn’t be right. I thought that was for when someone died? I chewed on my lower lip and shook my head. I was in a room full of boxes. It looked like it didn’t have a purpose anymore other than storage and a raccoon haven. It looked like perhaps it’d once been the chapel. Destroyed pews stacked and discarded. The shadowed figured slipped across a stained-glass window and then came to stand in front of it. As I watched, the Soul Eater slipped through the glass and dropped to its feet heavily on the ground in front of it. I watched with extraordinarily little emotion. It seemed weaker than it had last night, smaller too.

“He drains me. I haven’t much time left.”

“I suppose you should talk fast then.” I sighed, sitting on a splintered, overturned piece of wood.

“Did your little friend leave with the silver-tongued man?”

My heart skipped, “How do you know about any of that?”

A spindly hand reached out for my face, “Would you like to know a secret?”

“I’m not going to play these games with you!” I shouted. I was not in the mood for cryptic ancient bullshit tonight.

“Fine, fine, boy. I will tell you. This Anders does not need to speak spells to cast them. He is a direct descendant of one of my kind. It’s why he was able to free and bind me. He has gifts like you and your Talon. His specialty is the mind.”

I was getting nervous, “A direct descendant. What are you saying?”

“He is able to control minds and tap into his influence even over distance. He establishes this connection through physical contact.”

“Cool. He never touch-“I froze as my mind shifted back to all those months ago. Eon, Lex, Anders, and I around that war table. He’d reached for my pendant. I had slapped Anders’ hand away. That smile. He had smiled. He’d smiled because he knew he had me.

This whole time.

They’d been tracking me.

It had been me.

It had been my fault.

I had accused Amaris of betraying us when it had been my own doing.

I felt sick

“Do you think he did not take similar assurances with a long-lost prince and refugee princess?”

For the record, I have been struggling with vicious writer's block
Like, big ooft
Thanks for reading 
🖤D