Stoke - 14. Sever

I saw Amaris’ hurt expression. I had blamed her. Staring blankly at a dirty wall, I tried to piece things together. How much had Anders taken from my head? How much damage had I done to my group? We were in danger and he could be on the way to wipe us out right now. Amaris could be walking right into his clutches, Loren her cheerful and handsome jailer. I thought about Rah. They hadn’t seemed like people who would follow Anders willingly. Did they know about his powers? About the control? Was there some kind of block he’d put on them so they weren’t able to tell us?

I had been too focused on my own thoughts and I left myself wide open. I had enough presence of mind to let the connection flare open completely. Talon saw everything. The Soul Eater lunged for me, claws curling into the rounded parts of my shoulders as it drove me to the ground. That awful gaping mouth opened and closed as it leaned down towards my face, “I will take back that which you do not deserve.”

I felt anger and fear rush to meet mine in my head, but I didn’t have time. I shoved at its face, forcing it away from mine. I struggled for purchase with my legs, trying to get them between us. The robe the creature wore wasn’t solid. My feet slipped through where I thought its legs were each time I tried to gain leverage, only to have my own pinned to the ground in the next minute. One set of claws ripped from my shoulder and my own blood dripped across my face as it brought its hand over and down. My hands were pressed to its neck and forehead still, its jaw snapping as screams and maniacal laughter left its void of a mouth.

“I should h-have killed you b-before.” I gasped out as it slammed me against the dirt covered floor, the oxygen leaving my lungs in a whoosh.

“Yes child. You should have. I would tell you to consider it a lesson. If you weren’t going to die today.”

“All that about needing me to free you? Anders weakening you?” I spat, slashing light across its eyes sockets. It shrieked and hissed but managed to keep a hold on me.

It roared and its fingers wrapped around my head, “All true, but I cannot wait for you to decide to take pity and help. I am sick of waiting. I should not have to beg the likes of you.You humans are insects to the likes of me.”

I could hear footsteps thundering over the floor as it lifted my head and slammed it down hard on the wood underneath me. I was a little dazed. It obviously didn’t feel good, but I could manage. Then it raised my head again. The Soul Eater slammed it down even harder and pain exploded at the back of my head. I made some kind of noise. I’m not even sure what it was. My consciousness was slipping, and I barely felt my head being picked up for the third time. My legs went limp and my hands dropped to my sides. After that, it felt like I was somewhere else, drifting. I heard a soft…call? Was that what it was? Almost a song lulling me to slip farther, deeper. I hummed softly to myself. It was nice. I reached for it but felt a rough tug in the other direction. I frowned, a soft whine escaping my lips. Blinking open my eyes, a window shuddered into existence in front of me. That tug came again, harder this time. I cocked my head to the side and stepped closer. Oh.

I was laying on the ground. The Soul Eater was on the other side of the room now. Talon was crouched over me, cradling me to him. I frowned softly. I should be sad, probably, but I was so content hearing the soft song behind me. I turned and stepped in its direction again. Barely there fingertips turned my head and I watched Talon lay me down carefully, smoothing hair away from my face lovingly. He stood slowly and let his head slowly fall back. Black flew up his arms, pooling in his eyes and covering every inch of him, claws extended from his hands and his head fell to the side, black eyes on the creature now huddled against the wall on the other side of the room.

“Foolish.” A soft voice whispered, “Now he has only the merciless partner to deal with. Worse yet, he’s distraught.”

I didn’t know where the voice was coming from. Much like how I hadn’t been able to find the source of the fingers. It didn’t matter. I was focused on the strange little window. The Soul Eater made a break for it. It darted this way and that. Talon’s hands raised slowly, alternating. Wall after wall sprung up from the floor, blocking its escape. I watched Eon try to retrieve my body. Talon snarled, throwing Eon and our other friends through the open doorway with dark ropes of his Magik. A doorway of shadow slammed behind them and his head rolled back to the creature pounding its fists against a wall of writhing night.

The room was being torn apart and the Soul Eater was running out of room quickly. It dove and Talon’s wrist flicked. Clawed hands slammed against another wall and eye sockets tore around, looking for another escape. There wasn’t one. Talon stalked closer, shoulders lifting as his breathing came harder and harder, mind completely lost to rage.

That’s when the pleading and bartering started. The ancient creature tripped over itself, multiple voices screaming and crying arrangements. They began promising Talon everything up to and including the very sun. Talon continued to close the distance, curved claws scraping along the walls, “You seem confused. How can you promise me the sun? How? When you…Took. It. From. Me.”

Apparently, not completely out of tricks, the Soul Eater made one final desperate dive through Talon. Its form lost its substance and it made a beeline for my still form on the ground. In the chaos that was the chapel-debris, broken glass, ripped apart walls-there was a perfect ring around me. Not one scrap had touched me.

“Time to go back little one. He won’t make it without you.”

The window vanished and the floor dropped out from under my feet. I expected to hurtle through the air and slam to the ground, but no. It was slow. I floated down and was laid back into myself. I was able to peek my eyes open enough to see that the Soul Eater hadn’t reached me. I almost felt bad for the thing, but not quite. They were maybe ten feet away and I noticed my boot still in the things claws. Another set of claws marks marred the floor leading away from my feet.

Talon’s Magik held it down, limbs and head pinned to the ground while black claws ripped it apart piece by piece. I was positive I would hear the layered cries of suffering, moans of pain, and guttural screams probably until the day I died. It deserved it. Who knew how many had suffered at its claws? It dawned on me that this was the first time I wasn’t shouldering a death. I wasn’t adding its demise to the list of sins I mentally berated myself for at night when I couldn’t sleep. More noises pulled me from my thoughts. I cringed away when I noticed it was reduced to a torso and Talon seemed committed to ripping its head off its body through brute strength alone. I forced down a gag when I heard the tell-tale ripping and yanking noises followed by a thunk.

He was breathing hard, and I peeked my eyes open again. He was a little bit away from the body, or what was left of it. He sat on his knees, dust-caked hands limp in his lap, his head back, and his eyes were closed but I saw the moonlight catch glittering trails running down his cheeks. His eyes opened and his head fell forward as the rest of his body did. His shoulders shook and I tried to make some kind of noise, but I hurt and I was so dizzy.

His barrier must have dropped because Eon and Wren burst into the room. Wren’s anger dissipated instantly into a look of pain as his eyes shifted from me to Talon. Eon staggered over to me with a disbelieving look on his face, eyes wide as he shook his head. Hanja rounded my brother and, not so softly, smacked the side of his head, “Out of the way. He’s alive you dramatic idiots.”

Everyone looked to the healer, and I watched Talon face us. He pressed his palms to the ground and lifted himself up a bit, staring at me. I managed the smallest gasp and his eyes widened. With relief, I noticed they were mostly back to his normal color. He crawled across the ground and stared intently at my face as Hanja muttered in an annoyed voice.

“Prepare for a very unpleasant headache lord.” Hanja sighed and I winced as my head flooded with pain. It only lasted a few seconds but it was blinding and I gasped, fingers dragging over the wood until hands gripped mine, “There. Verloren, if you could take a breath next time, I could heal him faster and you won’t have to blow a room off our dwelling.”

Talon didn’t even acknowledge him. My eyes were half hooded, but I forced a small smile, “psycho.”

“Yes.” He nodded without thought. He pushed himself up and his head landed on my chest, grey eyes scanning over my face, “I watched him bash your head into the ground. You stopped moving. The light…it left your eyes. I saw it.”

I played weakly with his hair as Hanja stood and looked around the room, “Ridiculous. Can you imagine? Every time you get injured, I just level an entire room? Children. Immature children.”

I caught Tyren’s worried expression as he looked me over before following after his partner, “You act like you aren’t the same way. You merely aren’t as explosive as the young masters.”

“He’s right Kal. Y-you weren’t breathing.” I looked to Eon and reached for him when I noticed him wipe at his eyes.

“I’m not sure what happened. Someone told me to come back, so I did.” I said softly, slightly uncomfortable with grey and blue eyes boring into me.

“Well, how considerate of you.” Talon gave a pained crooked smile. Wren was hopping around on the bigger pieces of debris and jumped down to the ground. He ran a finger through a dark smudge on the ground and made a face.

“We should get to bed, Kal and Talon especially.” Eon nodded. I barely noticed them leaving. My eyes were on Talon’s. He was upset. I was so tired though. I knew I should broach the subject, we should talk, but right now I could barely keep my eyes open. I let my eyes fall closed and Talon moved. An arm hooked under my knees and around my back. I was being carried. I must’ve dozed off because next I knew I was being laid down on something soft.

*

I woke up with a start, holding my chest and gasping. Another dream. At least this one had been a run of the mill one involving Lex and blood. I could deal with that. Those seemed almost tame to me now. I took a while to calm down and wrapped my arms around my knees as I focused on my breathing, counting it out quietly to myself. I rested my cheek against my knee when my chest stopped heaving and I was able to take regular breaths. My heart rate slowed to normal and I took another few minutes to appreciate the view. Talon was stretched out on his stomach, one arm bent above his head while the other was tucked under him. His hair was a mess and I was pretty sure there was still a little bit of debris sprinkled amongst the dark locks.

I leaned over and kissed softly over his deltoid and then over his trapezius. I smiled softly to myself as I recalled the muscle names. I pressed my lips softly down his spine and then back, nuzzling the nape of his neck. He shifted and rolled over. His arm extended behind me and I tucked myself into his side, sighing softly at the warmth as he rolled again. He wrapped both arms around me and his head rested on top of mine. Splaying my hands over his chest, I snuggled as close as I could get. Pressing soft kisses to his neck, I wiggled my hips against his. I nipped gently when he didn’t get the hint, using one of my hands to guide one of his down to my backside.

I pulled back to look up at him when he slid the hand all the way up to rub my upper back, “What’re you doing?”

“Rubbing your back.” He mumbled, voice gravelly from sleep.

“Yes, but why?” I whined softly, nipping at his neck again.

“I have thoughts.” I looked up at him and frowned when he wouldn’t meet my eyes as I waited for him to continue, “You came back because someone told you to. You didn’t come back for me. I know it’s fucking petty but…”

I winced. Oh. Yeah. He pulled away and rolled onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. I pushed myself up a little, bending my arm under me for a little support as I looked down at him. Studying his face, I tried to figure out where exactly his head was. Was he actually upset about that or was it a cover for what he was really mad about? My fingertips mapped the lines on his pec, the triangles’ points and jagged edges memorized by now.

“You’re mad because I didn’t come back for you?” I asked softly.

He shrugged off my touch, which hurt but I let it go as I watched him stare at the opposite wall, “I came back specifically for you more than once. I wanted to die more than once but you yanked me back. You made me.”

I tilted my head to the side, “You’re right. I did. I felt you pull me back too. It’s whatever gave the voice a chance to convince me.”

He looked at me then as if he didn’t believe me. I sighed and scooted closer, linking my fingers with the ones he’d left on his stomach, “Gotta remember that not everyone is as strong as you Talon. I can’t solider through pain the way you can. But I’ll always try. To come back to you, I mean.”

I smiled up at him and he rested his face in my neck, “How many times have you met with it by yourself? What were you thinking?”

“I told you all each time it happened!” I sighed as the conversation changed. Guess he was done sharing for the night. I froze as the entire conversation slammed into me. There was so much I needed to tell them all.

“We need to get everyone together. Right now.” I sat up.

“It’s the middle of the night. Does it have to be right-“

“Right now Talon!”

He gathered them as fast as he could or wanted to. He was still not awake and half-asleep Talon had almost ended up brawling with half-asleep Hanja in the middle of the hallway. It didn’t matter because now everyone was in the library. Hanja and Talon still looked grumpy. Eon wasn’t awake really and Wren looked bored. As I filled them in, my guilt compounded. Poor Amaris. The things I’d said to her, gods.

“Well that explains how they managed to keep finding us. Seemed foolish to send soldiers over the border when you didn’t know where your target was. Not to mention if Dleth found out. That’s an act of war.” Eon shrugged, rubbing a hand over his beard.

“I wonder how much of our plan is already known to Anders then.” Hanja pinched the bridge of his nose, red eyes still bleary.

Talon was crouched in front of me on the ground. He was silent, head tilted to the side as he listened to the others. He leaned forward a fraction and balanced himself by touching his long fingers to the ground. I kept quiet after I had relayed everything the Soul Eater had said. I felt guilty enough. Nothing they could say would be able to make me feel worse or better. As I watched Talon leaned harder on his fingers. I winced. That couldn’t be comfortable. They bent so much that one wrong move and I thought he might either break or at least hyper-extend them.

Eon and Hanja were arguing over how much I may have ruined the whole mission when Talon sat up straight, his fingers popped and I winced, “Shut up. Both of you. It doesn’t make sense. If Anders knew every single move Kalian and whoever else made, how did we escape Lex?”

“Of course, you would defend him.” Hanja sighed.

“No. Listen Hanj. How was Mallex able to disobey Anders so catastrophically?” Tyren scooted himself up to sit straighter, smiling at me, “Mallex was supposed to execute us all, but he chose to keep us alive to get in Kalian’s good graces. Keeping us alive is what led to Anders’ entire plan self-destructing. Think! If he knew everything Lex and Kal were doing he would’ve stepped in the minute his captain disregarded his orders!”

Talon nodded, hand covering mine as I gripped his shoulder, “There have to be limitations. Lex had to be deep under Anders control and he was still able to shake it off. Why? Is it distance? Is it the number of people under his control and how spread apart they are? It could be a number of things. Sometimes Kalian can’t seem to make heads from tails. Other times he’s smarter than any of us. If Anders fine tunes his skill to focus on one person, does his control on others or in other areas slip?”

“Also, could your connection be blocking him somehow?” Tyren added, mumbling softly to himself.

“I doubt he’ll be kind enough to tell us what his limitations are.” Wren mumbled into Eon’s shoulder. He’d fallen over slowly, the side of his face smashed against my brother’s bicep, side of his mouth held up around his fang.

“Hanja do you think you can do anything about the connection to Anders?” Tyren asked, smiling excitedly at his partner.

The healer frowned and looked me over, “I’m not sure. I don’t know that it’s an injury. I can try of course.”

He rose gracefully, flicking dark robes behind him as he approached me. He pulled off his gloves and held his hands up on either side of my head. He hummed softly and I waited for his normal rambling diagnosis. It never came. His hands dropped and he was already shaking his head, “I can see that your Magik is off, as is your mind, but I can’t do anything about either.”

“Worth a try.” I smiled softly up at him.

“Alright, so now that we know that isn’t an option, we’ll have to figure out another one. We need to cement a plan in place for how we’ll deal with Anders. Which until you’re cleared, Kal you can’t be privy to.” Eon sighed in frustration.

Talon held up his fingers, ticking them off one at a time and throwing up another hand when he ran out, “Settle on plan for Anders. Find Amaris and save if necessary. Figure out this mind-fuckery. Return to Dimian. Boot Anders into the afterlife, preferably violently. Save the country. Drown in wine while locking your brother and I in a hovel somewhere. See? Easy.”

Eon sputtered and shook his head, trying to fight off a smile. Tyren laughed and Hanja rolled his pretty, but annoyed eyes. I pouted and turned to Talon, “A hovel? Really?”

“Would you prefer a…shack with waterfront property?” Talon let his head fall back to grin at me upside down.

“Why don’t we just go home? Either of the houses in Syrin or Krinn were fine.” I shook my head and giggled.

“I don’t know about the manors after a war babe. Those are the first to get demolished or ransacked.” He frowned as he thought.

“Good thing those aren’t at all what I meant.” I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, wrinkling my nose at the strange angle.

“Home.” His eyes stayed on my face as I sat back, a soft smile on his lips.

“Yeah, yeah home. Can we fight the war first?” Wren snapped.

“Yes, let’s get some things set in stone here.” Tyren nodded, getting up to grab paper and pencils.

“Kalian…”I glanced over to Eon who frowned softly again. Ah, that was right. I couldn’t be here for this part.

“Verloren. Sit. We need your input. It pains me to say your experience is invaluable.” Hanja snapped.

“But…” I smiled as I closed the door on Talon’s whine. I wasn’t sure what to do with myself now. I wandered to our bedroom and crawled onto the bed, snuggling myself under the covers. I felt a little left out, but I knew this was necessary. We weren’t sure how much information he could steal from me. I shook my head and instead thought about Amaris. I’d be able to help with that. Playing with the blanket I began to think. Anders and I had a connection. Talon and I did as well. While I was distinctly aware when the connection between Talon and me had been forged, I hadn’t felt the one with Anders. Did it work the same way? Did our powers’ shared lineage have any bearing on how much control he had or didn’t have over me? I rolled. Was it the reason Talon and I were connected? The Soul Eater and source of my power had been together as well. Mated. Whatever word they used. Were we drawn together? So much so that a bridge was formed between our very souls?

If that was the case, I was sure the tether between Anders and I held none of the same affection. His power had been passed down. Ours had been given and taken, respectively. It was like…we had eaten grapes and he’d drank wine made from the same vineyard. I let out a breath and my eyes slid closed. The link between Talon and I was ever present and I was always aware of it. I concentrated harder. It was like looking through a room tightly packed with boxes. I shifted around and frowned when I continued to come up empty handed. I pushed harder and my mind drew my attention to something I had over looked earlier. It was barely there. A sickly, twisted little thing in the very back of my head, leeching into everything around it. The more I looked, the more I noticed that it had tainted. My memories of Talon, my teachings and learning at the school, Athel, even laughing with Eon. I snapped my head around and balled my fists when I found the source. It wasn’t little at all. It looked like a poisoned root, attached to the wall of this image I’d created.

I dug my fingers into it and felt a pulse. As I held on, my entire being was pulled. My vision flew over time and space. It slammed down into a foreign body. A simple dinner of two boiled potatoes and overcooked meat sat in front of me, untouched. The mind that wasn’t mine registered that by now it would be cold.

“General?” My attention was dragged to a doorway as a soldier pushed it open, “We finally think we found all of the captain.”

“Good. Send the pieces to his family. Charge them for the expense. Along with the paperwork for his dishonorable discharge.” I heard the cold, dead voice and my stomach dropped.

“My lord?” The young solider looked like he was going to be sick, “Captain Nainde was unwell, but he was a good m-“

“I do not remember asking your opinion. Shall I draft more papers?” The solider scurried out. My host clapped his hands and a servant popped their head in.

“Lord?”

“Please, my guest.” After a short while, two guards in shabby red uniforms came in, escorting someone.

“There has been no sign since the last attack. My family is getting suspicious. I have no other reason to stall them.” Anika. It was Anika. My heart dropped. Her bright hair was dull and her face looked haunted. I was used to seeing her in beautiful dresses, this one was dirty and the skirt was torn to shreds. You could catch glimpses of her bare legs in places. She’d never be seen like this. Neither her or my family would allow it.

“I do hope you will think of something my dear. I have very little patience with your family as it is. Your brother is trying his best to ruin my life’s work. It was your wish to stay in the manor while plying your family with sugar coated lies. I obliged as a show of good faith for your initial assistance in the first attempt on Kalian’s life. That only stretched so far. I do not care about their comfort or yours. If any of you become unruly, you will be dealt with.”

“Why do we have to stay here? How does it help you? Kalian doesn’t care about us! He doesn’t even know we’re here.” She collapsed to her knees and I took in how gaunt she looked. I rose with Anders as he calmly walked around a long, dark, oak table. He leaned down enough to tip her chin up. Her sapphire eyes looked more dull than I remembered, red and puffy from tears I hadn’t seen her shed.

“Truly, there was an unfair greatness distribution in your family.” He released her and circled around behind her, “To think, you simple little thing, you thought it was stacked in your favor.” He let out a cruel peel of laughter and my heart hurt. Anika choked on a sob.

“Also, I must inform you, my dear lady. Your brother is now very aware of exactly where you are. Aren’t you Kalian?” The edges of my vision tinged purple and I forced myself back as hard as I could. Purple cords sprung out of the dark as Anders separated his mind from mine. I pulled my consciousness back faster, as fast as I could, running from the strange violet bands as they tried to pull at me. I snapped back into myself and threw up my walls. Power slammed against my mental sheilds. I had almost been too slow. I heaved oxygen into my lungs and with every shred of power I could muster, slammed that purple poison from my mind. I felt him fight it. I grit my teeth and rolled my head on my shoulders. He didn’t get this. He didn’t get to seep into the few happy memories I’d collected for myself over the last year. Talon’s smirk flashed through my head, Tyren’s bright eyes and patient voice, Wren’s crazed grin, the hugs I’d received from Eon, Hanja’s rare tender moments, and the friendship Amaris had gifted me.

“No. Fuck you.” I rammed everything that was Anders from my head and felt something snap. Light bloomed in my chest and rushed to fill my entire body, burning everything else away. A huge rush of air slammed our windows open, the shutters smacking and I lost my balance, hitting the ground hard. I hacked and coughed, hitting my chest hard. I lay there for a long time. I had done something wrong. Anders was gone. That part was right. So was everything else though. The tether with Talon was like a gaping hole in my mind and I blinked, staring blindly at the floorboards across from me.

He was gone too.

*Talon*

Head wounds are some of my least favorite. They’re disorientating on top of the pain. It’s sort of like being drunk without any of the fun and with the added bonus of a lot of blood loss. They made you stupid, stumbly. That was only fun when you planned for it. Eon should know. I hadn’t had one-other than when I’d been deafened-in a while. We’d finished up planning something that may actually have a chance when I felt a certain wrongness. It was only an irritant at first and then I started to figure out it had to do with Kalian and maybe I should get off my ass. I stood and it was like a hot iron had been driven through my head, pulled out, and then driven in at a different angle. The string of curses that I lined up might’ve impressed me if I could focus on anything other than the pain. Were my eyes melting out of my head? Was my skull liquifying along with them? Holding my head, I gripped the couch and dragged myself to my feet. Fuck, had I always been this tall? Gods, I was far from the ground. That was going to hurt if I went down. People were talking at me but their voices were muffled. I knew pain and Kalian. That was it. This was a familiar situation.

Using the wall and whatever poor furniture my hands found, I struggled to the door. Things crashed behind me and at one point I think I stepped on glass. I didn’t feel it. Nothing rivaled the pain in my brain. We were already on the second floor. That was good. I didn’t know if stairs were in my current skill set. Another wave of pain hit me and I staggered. Luckily, I caught myself on the hallway wall. With my face. I groaned and pressed my free palm against the wallpaper and took a break. Did the wallpaper always have spinning flowers? I squinted but decided that hurt too much and held my head with both hands. Giant hands lifted under my armpits and I tried to look around, but moving my head that way was a no go.

“Hey, slow down. What’s going on?” That voice…was familiar maybe.

“Head fumkin hurts. Kali did sumfin.” Mentally patting myself on the shoulder for my eloquence, I almost heaved when my arm was hauled over wide shoulders, “fumkin big.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Weird orange hair with an almost brown hue came into view along with a horrendous beard. Oh Eon then.

“Mm should shave. Grosssss color.” My head lolled back and the base of my skull sent a spike of pain through to my forehead that made me whine.

“Gods he’s like a giant baby. Uncoordinated. Head too heavy for him to hold up. Hanja, you’re following right?” My head fell forward and the front of my head followed the pattern with another jolt of pain.

“Yes, unfortunately.” Came a cool reply.

“Muverfumker.” I was dropped inelegantly on something soft and felt cold ass hands on my face. I heard familiar mumbling and then grit my teeth as a red light appeared on the other side of my eyelids.

“Is he okay?” Tyren was the only one who sounded nervous. I always knew I liked him best. He was my new favorite.

“Hey,” I winced as a clawed hand smacked my cheek, hard. I flinched at the light as I opened my eyes to glare up at bright rose colored ones, “He’s fine.”

I jerked up and didn’t have to look far. Kalian was sitting cross legged on the floor, wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve. My whole world spun for a second and I laid back down, “This isn’t fair. I’m not even drunk or injured. I didn’t earn this.”

“I severed the connections.” I heard Kalian’s soft voice drift up from the floor. He was upset. He was using the tone of voice he used when he was sad and thought he was doing a really good job hiding it. I reached out to send some comfort or at least something…unwholesome over the link. I reached out and came back with nothing. His words caught up with me then. Connections. Plural. He’d severed both.

“Why?” I asked, not sure I really had emotions for this particular situation in my limited arsenal. I stared up at the cobwebbed ceiling. It felt strange to mourn the loss of a thing I had only had a very small part of my life, but I was. I was sad. I had gotten used to it. I liked having it as much as he did.

“I didn’t mean to. I was trying to help! I went through my head and found Anders’ tether. It pulled me to him and I saw…I saw…Eon he has our family!” I winced at the abrupt change of subject, nodding to myself. The group was now focused on that. The Alauis family rescue mission. They could fuck off and die. The lot of them. I hoped it fuckin’ hurt. For some reason I had a weirdly vivid fantasy of someone stomping on his sister’s ridiculous red hair. Scalping was a thing. Bitch.

I grimaced and steered myself away from the darker thoughts I’d been fighting so well up until this point. He’d been trying to get rid of Anders’ and got rid of them both. It’s not like there were instructions. There wasn’t a guidebook to this. He’d been guessing. It was an honest mistake. This wasn’t an ongoing problem or anything. I always got to have a say in the decisions that affected me. It wasn’t like Kalian had made a huge decision by himself and fucked my entire life aga-

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. My head felt so empty. I took another breath. I ignored the total absence of the reassuring press of his mind against mine. The next breath got caught halfway into my lungs and I coughed. Just me again. Here alone in the dark with my memories and feelings. I gripped the blankets under my fingers. Fuck when had I started leaning on him so much? It wasn’t even that I needed him to know every sordid detail. Just the knowledge that I wasn’t alone in my head for once. There was someone there with me. Someone who loved me and wouldn’t leave me.

But he would have. He stayed for someone else. Someone else told him to come back and he thought, eh why not? I struggled in that shit box wagon for days reeking of blood and fuck knows what else while my body screamed through panic mode, for him. Bones broken, wounds infected, so delirious from pain that I barely knew who he was and I still listened to his stupid fucking voice when he asked me to stay.

Maybe it was good the connection was gone. These thoughts would do irreparable damage to him and I wasn’t sure if I meant them or my fucking feelings were hurt. Ah yes, in Talon’s Limited Selection of Emotions I had chosen anger. A classic. An old standby. Did I have time for a hissy fit? No. Would I make time? Oh, yes baby.

I gripped the sheets and stood. Staggering for a second as I shook the dizziness from my head. Violet eyes looked up at me in concern and I couldn’t get out of the room fast enough. If I had to throw myself down the stairs to make it work, I would. I needed to not be wherever he was right now.