System of a Wolf - 25. Chapter 25

Four in the afternoon. Erith felt time closing in around him again. Lynn had her hour at six, leaving him barely two hours to finish everything he needed to do. Another call to Blake had gone unanswered, and the elf was worried about the mage. What had happened to him? Was he okay? Had Adam done something to him? Erith dimly remembered something about swimming with fish. It had sounded like a threat.

“Fuck this.”

Sprinkling a bit of fish food into the pond, the elf hurried inside and grabbed his keys. His fears didn’t matter; not when Blake might be in danger. Erith was going to brave the wolves’ den and he was going to make Dr. Marin see that letting Blake run around with a pedophile was not safe at all.

He slid into his car, frowning at the sight of a nearly empty gas tank. Erith would have to deal with yet another one of Varen’s messes.

“Oh, sure, you can totally handle yourself…”

‘Don’t get pissy with me, I was helping.’

His eyes rolled at Varen’s comment, even as he heard Lynn make an appearance in his head.

‘When can I play again?’

“Not for a while.”

‘But I wanna colour.’

The car pulled out of the drive, heading in the direction of the pack house. Erith rubbed the side of his head as he drove, trying to alleviate the budding headache that he could feel growing.

He stopped at a gas station, waiting impatiently as the car slowly filled up. Every moment ticked by with excruciating slowness, and yet he was fully aware of the time passing. Time that he would never get back. Dimly Erith wondered if this was an elf thing. Was he having a midlife crisis not even an eighth of the way through his life? Everything was so slow, and yet so fast, and it left him stressed out.

‘If your feelings of existential dread last for more than four hours, you should really see a therapist.’

“Fuck off,” Erith muttered tiredly.

‘You said a bad word!’

Back and forth they went in his head, both Varen and Lynn torturing Erith as he waited. The worst part was he knew Varen was right. He really needed to take another mental health day and go visit a therapist. There was so much shit going on, and he really needed the help to deal with everything. But the thought of having even more wrong with him made the elf want to break down and cry. He couldn’t be that broken. And yet he was.

‘It’s okay. I’ll hold you together. But no more bad words. Those are bad.’

He let out a snort at Lynn’s words, shaking his head as the pump finally stopped. The elf felt so alone, even with all the voices living in his head. It was such a weird feeling, to be crowded and yet so utterly alone. And he didn’t know how to fix that. More than ever it had become impossible to keep his secret from his friends. This was why he didn’t hang around with anyone; why he never tried to make friends.

‘Fu-orget that. I’m making friends. If they can’t handle us, we don’t need them.’

Another snort. Even Varen was trying to stay clean for Lynn, and it just sounded weird coming from the angry elf.

Erith slid back into his car, continuing his journey to the pack house. A siren startled him as he pulled into the short drive before the pack house, and the elf tensed up as a fire truck sped past. The sound grated on his already thin nerves and he took a deep breath, approaching the gatehouse.

“Hey there. Erith, right?” the elf behind the gatehouse window smiled.

Erith nodded, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“Yeah, I’m here to see Blake.”

“Huh. I don’t think Blake is back yet. He took a trip out to the aquarium this morning. I think he got a new job, but he hasn’t said anything,” the elf frowned slightly.

“The aquarium?”

Swim with the fish… fuck, either Adam killed Blake, or he was trying to win him over with a trip to his favourite place in the world. It really could have been either.

“Well… is Dr. Marin here at least?”

“Oh yeah, he got back about thirty minutes ago. Is he expecting you?”

“Um… not exactly. I was supposed to call Blake, but he’s not answering.”

The elf frowned, reaching for a phone. A few moments later, she set it back down.

“Alright, Dr. Marin says you can come in,” she said, opening the gates.

“Thanks.”

Erith drove carefully through the gates, pulling into the car park proper. He parked near the apartments, taking a deep breath to steel himself before stepping out of the car. His feet carried him to Dr. Marin’s door almost against his will.

‘We’re here now. You are not turning back.’

Erith gritted his teeth as he knocked on the door. More and more he found himself disliking Varen, and that just made matters worse for them all.

The door opened, the smell of casserole filling his nose. Dr. Marin stepped aside silently, and Erith passed him just as silently, still recovering from the walk to the door.

“I have tea boiling,” the human mentioned, stepping back toward the kitchen. “I don’t know when Blake will be back. Adam’s friends promised he’d be home by eight, but it might be sooner.”

“Can I wait here for him?”

“I figured that was why you were here,” Dr. Marin chuckled drily. “Be my guest. Is Gara going to be okay waiting that long?”

Erith took a deep breath, nodding. It would be a pain, and he was certainly going to hear all about waiting later from the entourage inside his head, but he was not leaving until he had a chance to talk to Blake.

Arms wrapped around him, a body pressing against him in that way that made his heart sing. Blake had missed these touches, the contact of skin on skin, the embraces that made him feel like he was the only person that mattered in the world.

They weren’t having sex. He had offered, but Adam flat out refused. The closest the man would get was cuddling with Blake in their underpants while their clothes washed, and even that took a bit of begging from the mage.

“I need to get you home soon.”

The mage frowned at Adam, his eyes softening as he curled his lip.

“Just a little longer please?”

“Oh no Puppy. I promised I’d have you home by eight. It’s already seven,” the man chuckled. “Those eyes are adorable, but you can’t get me like that. Not twice.”

Adam pulled away from Blake, standing up from the large bed they had been laying on. Blake was amazed at the size of the house. There was no doubt about it; Adam was a rich man. He’d said that the house was just a present from his father, that everything else he had worked hard for, back before he’d been put in prison. But it didn’t change the fact that Blake was impressed with everything he saw.

“Come on Puppy. Time to get dressed,” Adam smirked, motioning toward their clothes.

Blake sighed quietly and stood up.

“I’ll tell you what. I work this week, but if you want, maybe we can visit the aquarium again next week. We didn’t even get to visit the Mydaran tanks.”

Blake perked up at the idea, a grin spreading across his face.

“Okay!”

He dressed happily after that, certain that there would be more cuddles in his future.

“You don’t know how much my wolf wants you,” Adam chuckled quietly as he watched the mage.

“You can have me anytime you want,” Blake offered.

“That’s the problem. I don’t want to have sex with you. Maybe I’m still a little messed up from the last time. It was wrong to mate you and then not take you with me. I couldn’t handle it if I mated you and you left me. But I don’t want you to stay just because we have sex.”

The man crossed the room, grabbing Blake’s chin gently. The two stared at each other for a moment before Blake glanced away. He didn’t want to lock eyes with a werewolf.

“So submissive. So sad…” Adam murmured. “There are things I want you to do to me Blake, but I don’t think you can.”

“I can do anything you want,” the mage said quickly.

A finger pressed over his lips, silencing him. Adam’s lips replaced the digit a moment later, offering the mage a gentle kiss. Blake pushed back, trying to show the man that he could take charge, that he could give Adam anything he desired.

Adam pulled back slowly, a small smile on his face.

“You could certainly learn to,” he admitted. “But do you want to? Do you actually want to be with me? I messed up, and part of me feels like I don’t deserve you Blake. You’re sweet, kind, loving. But we need to take this slow, as much for me as for you. My wolf will just have to wait. He’s waited eight years, he can wait a little longer.”

Blake’s jaw dropped slightly, his eyes bulging.

“Nine… you haven’t done anything in eight years?”

“No. They watch you very closely in jail. It’s hard to get any private time, and most of that was spent in the showers,” Adam chuckled quietly. “I have to admit, I’m glad they watched me. I probably wouldn’t be here if they hadn’t. What I did to you… I was just trying to help you, but it still destroyed me to even think about it.”

“Well… I’m glad you’re here,” Blake whispered.

“And I’m glad your father gave me up,” Adam said firmly. “It was hard, but I got the help I needed in there. I found ways to cope with fantasies I had, ways to teach my mind not to see boys like potential mates. You saved me Blake, and I can never repay you for that. And I am so sorry that I hurt you like I did.”

“But… eight years… You haven’t even touched yourself?”

“Honestly, I’m a little scared of that,” Adam admitted. “How do I know those urges are gone? How do I know that I’ve beaten my own mind?”

Blake frowned, pulling on his shirt. It honestly said a lot about Adam’s self control if it had been that long. There was always the possibility of the man lying, but Blake didn’t see the point in that.

“Well… maybe I could help you then. If I was there, you’d be thinking of me, right?”

Adam shrugged, stepping toward the door.

“I would hope so,” he replied. “But I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t hurt me. You were the gentlest person to fuck me,” Blake said. “I trust you. But… I don’t know if I can live here.”

He heard the slightest exhale from Adam, and Blake’s heart plummeted. He knew it would hurt the man to say that, and the mage scrambled to make him feel better.

“I mean, I like it here, I really do,” he said quickly. “But I just… I think I need to figure some things out. I want you, I want to have sex, but I’m scared too, you know. What if I don’t like it? What if it triggers me? What if everyone is right and I have to be celibate for the rest of my life because I’m not allowed to have sex?”

“Well, I’ll be waiting for you if you need someone to talk to. I don’t need sex. I think I’ve already proven that to myself. But I hope that even if we can’t be lovers, we can still be friends.”

“Of course we’re friends,” Blake smiled.

“Good,” Adam smiled back. “But now, I really need to get you home. I wouldn’t want Dr. Marin to be upset at us for missing curfew.”