If It Fits - 14. Chapter 14

June 5, 1995

At first I thought Marcel was upset at seeing the two of us together, but that passed quickly enough. There were tears pouring down his cheeks. I don't think I've ever seen anyone emit that much water from their eyes. Max was no longer next to me, he'd moved behind me. I glanced back to see him standing there, his arms crossed, glaring at Marcel. The subliminal message was solid. Max was telling Marcel that he had to make things right with me before he'd even talk to him. How typical of Max. What a stellar guy he was. It actually softened my heart toward Marcel a little more. How fucked up would he have to be to risk losing a guy like Max?

Marcel walked toward me, as if he was going to hug me. That made me nervous. I wasn't ready for that kind of intimacy with him. But I misinterpreted his motives. He stood in front of me and then sunk to his knees and grabbed both of my hands in his.

“I am so sorry Stef. I am so so sorry. I don't know what happened to me. What can I do so you will forgive me? What must I do? Name it. Whatever it is, I will do it. Anything,” he said, sobbing into my hands.

I pulled my right hand away, roughly, since he was gripping it so tightly. He looked up at me, terrified that I was rejecting him. But I was not, I could not. I just ran my fingers through his hair, stroking it gently, lovingly.

“I fucked up so bad. I lost everything, everyone I loved,” he sobbed despondently. I felt Max tense up at this reference to him. Marcel looked up at me. “I love you so much. I really do. It kills me that you hate me now.”

“I do not hate you,” I said, while I continued to stroke his hair. I reached down and pulled his chin up, forcing him to look at me. “I have been very disappointed in you, I have felt much betrayed, and I have been incredibly angry at you. But I do not hate you.”

He tried to wrap his arms around my legs. He was truly inconsolable. Instead I pulled him up and hugged him, wrapped my arms around him tightly, and just stroked his back. “What do I have to do to make you love me again?” he asked softly and sadly in my ear. “What do I have to do to make things right with us?”

“Loving someone means saying you're sorry when you are wrong,” I said. I looked ahead and saw JP and Cody watching us silently. They'd come in through the front door, evidently. “It also means forgiving those who repent.” I was suddenly aware that I was sounding awfully biblical. “I forgive you.”

I felt him relax into me, relieved but still sad and remorseful. He hid his head in my shoulder, and I felt my shirt getting wet from his tears. I knew why he did that. He was avoiding Max, who was still standing behind me. Finally I pulled him away and looked at him, then gave him a kiss, then a smile. But the drama was not over. I moved out of his way and stood over with JP and Cody. I felt Cody's strong arm encircle me on one side, and JP on the other. “Good job,” JP whispered into my ear.

Marcel looked at Max then looked away. “I cannot even look at you, I am so ashamed,” he said.

“You should be,” Max said flatly.

“What we had was so beautiful. So perfect. And I threw it all away for nothing. I took my soul mate and chewed his heart up,” Marcel said with a cry in his voice. Only he wasn't sobbing anymore. This was too painful for that. This went way beyond simple physical display of emotion. “I am so sorry Max, but I almost don't want to say that. It doesn't even come close to expressing my remorse.”

“You expect me to forgive you like Stef did? Parents forgive their kids. Partners don't automatically forgive their cheating, fucking, asshole partners,” Max said bitterly.

“Not all parents are forgiving,” Marcel said, hitting Max below the belt, reminding him of his own parents and what assholes they are. “I was just lucky. I'm hoping my luck is still with me.”

“So what? So you want me to come back to Chicago with you and pretend that nothing ever happened? Like I didn't walk into Bruno's office and find you bent over his desk with his dick slamming in and out of your ass? Like I should forget the look on your face, how much you were enjoying it, or how hard your dick was, or how he was stroking it while he fucked you?” I just stared at him, stunned at how many of the details he'd etched into his brain, and how much this had hurt him.

“I can dream can I not?” Marcel said feebly. He pulled some papers out of his pocket and handed them to Max, then turned to me. “Can I use the restroom?”

“Of course you can,” I said, trying to smile at him. He walked down the hall to the bathroom on the lower level. “What is it?” I asked Max.

“It's the title to the building he owns, the one that J-Bar is in. He signed it over to me,” Max said, staring at it.

“He gave you a building?” Cody said. “Wow, you rich guys sure have an interesting way of making up. Shit, my mom was lucky if she got flowers, and here you get a whole fucking building.” I smiled, then stopped myself, then smiled again, and caught Max's eye and caught him grinning a little bit too.

“Yeah, but it's not a really big building,” Max joked.

Cody pushed gently past JP and me and went up to Max and wrapped his arms around him. “Max, you're so much fucking fun. You really are. God, I love the way you feel, the way you taste, the way you smell...” Cody leaned down and kissed Max's neck and inhaled him. I heard soft footsteps behind me and saw Marcel standing there, trying to get control of himself. He was staring at Max, who was allowing himself to enjoy Cody's attention, letting his head fall back slightly to give Cody access to his throat.

Cody's hands dropped to Max's ass, kneading his cheeks. “If I thought we had a chance, I'd fight like hell for you, I really would. But we don't. I live here in LA now, and you live in Chicago. And even if we were in the same place, it's no good. You still love him. You know you do.”

“I'm not sure,” Max said, but he was looking past JP and me, right at Marcel.

“Yes you are. You're just hurt. And I could make love to you, make you feel so good right now,” Cody cooed into his ear. Max moaned slightly. “But it wouldn't be as good as it would with him. You want him. Don't be an ass. Take the building and forgive him.” Then Cody gently pushed Max away and walked out of the room, past me and JP. When he got to Marcel he pushed him hard, slamming him up against the wall. “You're a stupid piece of shit for cheating on him, and with an asshole like Bruno.”

I half expected Marcel to push him back, but he didn't. He was completely defeated. He just hung there, pressed against the wall, limp and yielding. Then he nodded. Then Cody let Marcel go and stormed up the stairs. I wanted to go after him, but I wanted to wait until this drama unfolded first. JP sensed my mood and went instead. He knew I'd remember and report all of the juicy details.

“So will you do that?” Marcel asked softly. “Will you forgive me? Give me another chance?”

“Why should I?” Max argued. He wasn't quite done being mad yet. Marcel walked up to him and stood in front of him, less than a foot away.

“Because we are good together and because we've had almost five great years together. Before this, were they not good years?” Marcel asked. “Did I not make you happy? You seemed happy.”

Max looked at him and I could feel the hate leaving his body as he remembered the good things about Marcel, and the good times they had spent together. “They were alright,” he said with his adorable little grin.

“When I go home, I look around, and I try to visualize myself there with someone else, someone better for me, but there is no one better for me than you. You are the one. Without you, I am not a whole person.” I felt tears in my own eyes. The pain, the torture Marcel had put himself through must have been extreme. “If you're not there, I think I'd rather just jump off the balcony and be done with it.”

That pissed Max off at first, and me too, when he realized what Marcel was saying. “Don't do that,” he said simply.

“Does that mean you still care about me?” Marcel asked. I could feel his smile from here, even though I was looking at his back.

“Yeah, I still care about you,” Max said, looking into his eyes. “You just hurt me really bad. I never thought someone could do that. Not even my parents. But you did, and it scares me.”

Marcel moved in and kissed him. Max didn't respond at first, he just stood there, frozen. But Marcel wasn't giving up, not when he was this close, and finally Max responded. I saw his arms wrap around Marcel, I saw his mouth respond, could see his throat muscles move as he met Marcel's probing tongue with his own. Then he stopped, and looked over at me. Marcel turned too, so I was staring at both of them.

“Marcel, you are a lucky man. Very few people win the lottery, but you did when you found this man. Do not fuck up again,” I told him. Then I winked at them and headed upstairs to check on JP and Cody.

I walked into the bedroom to find Cody and JP stripped naked, with JP on the bed on all fours, but with his chest on the bed, poking his ass up in the air while Cody rimmed him like a cat lapping up milk. In no time at all I'd shed my clothes and I joined them, enjoying JP's fluid body and Cody's massive cock.

“It's a shame you have a job,” I said. “We're going to go on a cruise in a few days.”

“Oh great,” Cody said, pretending to be pissed. “Now you tell me.”

“I don't know Stef,” JP teased, “it might be worth staying here just to be with him.”

Cody grinned at JP, then pulled him in and kissed him. “You can be with me anytime JP. You're a little wild man.”

I laughed at that, at Cody referring to JP as being wild, and little. JP pretended to pout. “Oh do not get all sulky. Some men are attracted to short guys.”

“I am not short,” JP said indignantly. “I'm just not tall.”

“Well now,” I joked, “that is significantly different.”

“We should go see how the lovebirds are doing,” Cody said. I smiled and got up and went downstairs, stark naked. Cody followed me without a problem, while JP followed more cautiously. I laughed at his faux modesty. We found Max sitting in the living room staring out at the ocean, all alone.

“What happened?” I asked.

He looked up at the three of us and started laughing hysterically. “You guys are nudists now?”

“Maybe,” I said, and sat in his lap, snuggling up to him. “So what happened?”

“Marcel went back to Chicago,” he said firmly.

“When I left, you were reuniting,” I observed, not willing to drop the topic.

“Well, we did, sort of. I told him that I still loved him, and I do. I do love him. But I'm just not ready to forgive him yet. I just need some time to work through this,” Max said, and looked at me so earnestly. “I told him to go back to Chicago, to give me a month to enjoy California, to surf.”

“And he was alright with that?” I asked.

“Well, it wasn't his first choice, but he was actually OK. He knows that I'm here with friends,” Max said, looking at Cody. There was a whole lot of meaning there, and we all got it without saying it. Cody's scene with Max and Marcel had shown Marcel that he wasn't a big threat. Marcel could sulk back to Chicago and feel bad, but he didn't have to worry about Cody sweeping Max off his feet. Max looked at me sincerely. “Really Stef, it's OK. We're basically back together, I just need some time away from him to heal, and I do that best here in the ocean. I don't have anything else going on. One of my colleagues is covering the end of classes and finals, which frees me up for the summer. So I'd like to stick around, if that's OK.”

“You do not have to ask me if it is OK,” I said firmly. “You are always welcome in my house. I just want you to know that Marcel is too, so if he comes back, I will not throw him out.”

“It's not like that!” he yelled. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I asked him if he wanted to stay, but he didn't. I told him that I was really enjoying you and JP and Cody, that I'd never felt so sexually uninhibited. I'm fucking horny all the time. You guys just fired me up. And I wanted to enjoy that. I don't think he wanted to stick around and watch.”

Cody moved up next to him and took Max's face and pulled it into his groin, rubbing his swelling cock against Max's face. I leaned up and sucked on Cody’s dick, then kissed Max. “I think we should take Max upstairs and make him glad he stayed,” I said.

We took Max upstairs and undressed him, then led him over to the bed. Cody reached into the drawer and pulled out two sets of hand cuffs. He fastened one cuff on Max's right wrist and attached it to the headboard, then attached the other cuff to the left wrist, and attached that to the headboard, spreading him out wide. I saw the crazed look of lust in Max's eyes, and the way he looked at Cody, the way his eyes said he'd let Cody do anything he wanted to.

JP and I each grabbed a leg. I took his left one and put it in the nook of my arm, pulling it back, while JP did the same with Max’s right leg. We moved up to his upper body, alternately kissing him, first JP, and then me, then JP again. While Max was kissing JP, I moved down and sucked on Max’s left nipple, then his armpit, and his neck, his ear, then back to his lips while JP did the same thing on the other side. He trusted us completely.

“You're a little hairy down here Maxie,” Cody said. “I want to shave your balls and your ass so it's easier to lick them. Say it's OK.”

I pulled off his mouth long enough to let him say “It's OK.” Cody started with the hair clippers and I watched him and found it so erotic, watching the shears clear the blond fuzz off his balls, then his taint, then his ass. I moved around so I could watch Cody shave him too, and found myself face to face with Max’s throbbing cock. I licked it, flicked it with my tongue, then absorbed it in my mouth, sucking on him, enjoying the way he tasted, his groans as he strained against the cuffs and tried to push his hips forward.

Cody grinned at me and handed me the lube. I smiled and slathered it all over Max’s cock and all over my ass, and then I took control of his legs, hooking them through both of my arms behind me, while I lowered my ass down onto him. He watched me, the look on his face priceless, as I swallowed him into my ass. JP, freed from holding his legs back, moved his own dick up to Max's mouth and gently pushed it in, letting Max suck it at his own pace, pulling it out every minute to let Max pant and moan. His cock felt so good inside of me, and the connection we made with our eyes was supernatural.

I felt Cody behind me, lining his dick up with Max's ass, and felt him pushing up against me. His arms wrapped around Max's legs, and around me, holding us both in place as he entered Max slowly but forcefully. Max's eyes bulged, and I felt his dick throb inside me. He cried in ecstasy, screamed even, and then Cody began to really fuck him. He held me still, not completely, but limited my movements so they weren't enough to bring Max off too soon. I felt JP's mouth on my dick. Damn he gave the best blow jobs. He lowered his ass onto Max's face, asking Max to rim him, which Max did enthusiastically.

I felt myself getting close so I pulled JP off my dick, and pulled his mouth up to mine and kissed him, oblivious to Cody pounding away behind me, oblivious to Max moaning and writhing below me. I realized Max was getting close. JP moved down and put his mouth right next to Max's ear.

“You ready to cum Max?” he murmured softly. “You going to explode in Stef's ass?”

“Mm hm,” Max said through gritted teeth.

“Come on Max, fill him up. You're such a fucking stud. Come on. Fill him up.” I could tell Max had been trying to make this last, but he couldn't. The sensation of Cody's cock slamming into his ass, of his cock wrapped up by my hole, and JP's sexy voice set him free. He screamed, yelled, louder than I'd ever heard, and blasted into me for what seemed like forever.

“Fucking Max, gonna make me cum too!” Cody yelled and slammed into Max even harder as he shot his load, and that seemed to just carry Max along, and along and along. By the time Cody was done, and I pulled off of Max, he was literally shaking and shivering he'd had such an amazing orgasm.

We lay there, the four of us, enjoying the afterglow even though JP and I hadn't blown. We didn't need to, we couldn't cum as often as these guys, but that didn't make it any less fun.

“Stef,” Max panted, trying to get my attention. “Stef, see that. That's why I'm not going back to Chicago. It's my turn to have fun, and I'm fucking going to have a fucking great time this summer. Then, this fall, I'll go back to Chicago, and I'll see if Marcel wants to work things out.”

I smiled at JP, and he just laughed. “Sounds like a plan,” Cody said.

June 7, 1995

“I almost don't want to leave,” JP said to me, grinning, as we ate breakfast. We were heading to my ship and going on our cruise today, but we'd had an amazing time with Max and Cody over the last few days. It had been a veritable fuck-fest.

“I promise I will satisfy you. And if I cannot, perhaps I will introduce you to the Captain,” I teased.

“Skip? That Swedish hunk? You fucked him? Damn,” JP said, impressed.

“I did. He is straight, but he finds me irresistible,” I said coquettishly.

“Most men do,” Cody said, coming in to join us for breakfast before he headed off to work. It was so exciting to see him fired up, to see him so excited about his new job. I'd talked to Jackie yesterday and she loved him.

“You will watch out for Max while I am gone?” I teased him.

“I'm going to invite Grant and Zach over to play while you're gone. I think he'll enjoy them.”

“Grant and Zach?” JP asked.

“My harem,” I teased. “You think Max is OK?”

Cody nodded and looked at me with his self-assured expression. “Stef, Max doesn't have a whole lot of experience with guys. He's only been with a few. He needs to do this, to sow his own wild oats before he goes back to Marcel. Marcel has been the pro, the expert, and Max has felt inferior, vulnerable. When he goes back, they'll be even. He'll have experience and money, just like Marcel. He loves Marcel, but he's not going to be his bitch anymore.”

“Speaking of being someone's bitch, we have a boat to catch,” I said to JP. Cody laughed, and we headed out to the waiting car. We'd already said our goodbyes to Brad, Robbie, and their horde. Of course there was traffic, and of course JP bitched about it. Like it wasn't as big of a problem or even bigger in the Bay Area.

Skip was there to greet us, of course. “Hey Stef. We've been looking forward to this!”

“So have I,” I told him, winking. “This is JP. He's my partner.”

“Nice to meet you JP,” Skip said, looking slightly disappointed.

“It's nice to meet you too Skip,” JP said smoothly, in his social tone. “I'm hoping to get to know you as well as Stef has.”

Skip looked at him strangely. “Alright,” he mumbled. I laughed. Skip stretched his boundaries enough with me; now being hit on by JP really freaked him out.

“We were thinking it would be nice to head to Alaska,” I told him. “See some whales, some glaciers and the like.”

“Sounds good,” Skip said. “You want to stop anywhere on the way up?”

“I do not know,” I told him. “Right now, let's just go where the mood takes us.”

“Yes sir,” Skip said. Eric brought us drinks as we sat on the deck, watching Marina Del Rey vanish behind us. I was just about to completely relax when my cell phone rang.

“Hello?” I asked. I hadn't recognized the number.

“Hello Stef, it is Joaquin. I heard you made it back to Los Angeles safe and sound. I'm glad. I must apologize again for that whole experience.” The Spanish accent was unmistakable.

“Well this is a surprise! It is good to hear from you as well. And do not worry about that, it is in the past. How is Alejandro?”

He sighed. “That is why I called you. He is not doing very well. He is so sad, it breaks my heart. And I found out that some of the men are using him, getting him to suck their dicks. I do not know what to do.”

“You must do as we discussed. You must send him up to stay with me. We will give him a safe environment,” I told him sincerely.

“I cannot believe you would do such a huge favor for me,” he said sincerely. “I will be in your debt forever.”

“It is what friends are for. I know you will help me if I need you. So when will you send him north?” I asked. I noticed that JP was staring at me with unconcealed curiosity, something quite rare for him.

“I was thinking that it might be easier if you were to take him to LA on your boat,” he said tentatively.

“Well I am on my boat now, just leaving LA, so your timing is good,” I joked.

“Can you meet us in Cabo San Lucas the day after tomorrow?” he asked.

“But of course. You will find my boat?”

He laughed. “I will find it. I will see you then.” And he hung up.

“So who was that?” JP asked.

“That was Joaquin. We are to meet him in Cabo San Lucas day after tomorrow,” I told him.

“Well then you better tell Skip. Last time I checked, Mexico was south, not north,” he joked. I went and told Skip of our change in plans, and then headed back up to enjoy our trip out of LA.

June 9, 1995

“You are enjoying the ship?” I asked JP as we cruised slowly into Cabo San Lucas.

“I am,” he said, smiling at me. The voyage down here had been heavenly, one long relaxing trip. We talked, we ate, we made love, and we enjoyed each other. I contrasted being with JP to other men I'd loved, especially Greg. With JP, I felt a level of contentment, or serenity I'd never felt with anyone else. Yet when it came time to make love, he was just as exciting, if not more so, than the others. “You have a nice ship.”

“WE have a nice ship. Is not what is yours mine?”

He smiled. “It is.”

“Then the opposite must also be true, no?”

“It must,” he said. “So are we to go find this friend of yours, or will he come to us?”

“He will come to us,” I told him. We watched the beautiful little city come into view, closer and closer, until we finally pulled up to the dock. Skip went down to deal with immigration and customs, while we sat on the back drinking gin and tonics, watching the bustling city. JP was at his quintessential best, looking quite like the English aristocrat. It was too funny.

“Look at that,” JP said, pointing at a large Mercedes limousine that snaked its way through the traffic to the dock. Two men got out, one from the front and one from the back, and looked around suspiciously. The one near the back, nodded to the passengers, and they got out, three of them.

“That is Joaquin,” I told JP, nodding toward the front one. “His son is behind him, and behind him is your old friend.”

“Jason. My old friend eh?” he asked curiously. “So you want me to hate him like you do, is that it?”

“I do not hate Jason,” I objected, but I was still mad at him, very mad. “I find that I am having a hard time forgiving him.”

“Well I don’t hate him, and I'm not mad at him,” JP said. “But if you want me to be rude, to shun him, for you I will do just that.”

He was telling me that he had gotten over his issues with Jason when I could not, and that if I wanted him to be an ass to Jason, he would do it because he loved me, but he didn't want to. And somehow, that made me feel incredibly immature, infantile in fact. There was nothing to be gained by torturing Jason, by holding on to my anger. I felt myself exhale, and with that exhale I felt my anger leaving me. It was such a refreshing feeling, such an invigorating feeling. I looked to JP, amazed at how well he knew me, and how he knew how to play me. “You are manipulating me for my own good.”

“Since when have you complained about my manipulations?” he teased.

“We will both be nice to him,” I said. I headed to the gangway to meet them.

“Permission to come aboard?” Joaquin asked playfully, showing me a piece of that young boy that hadn't totally been lost in the crime underworld.

“Granted, with pleasure,” I said, and pulled him into a warm hug. “It is so good to see you. This is my partner, JP.”

“It is good to meet you,” Joaquin said. “I have heard much about you, but I understand that I owe you as well. You were the one who hired the lawyer when I was a young man, to get me back to Mexico?”

“Well, I sent a lawyer to watch over Stef,” JP said, graciously dodging any credit for helping him out. “He usually needs watching over.”

“This much is true,” Joaquin said. “And this is my son Alejandro.”

“Hello Alejandro,” JP said in his friendly, disarming manner. “You are coming back to California with us I hear.”

“Yes,” he said softly.

“I think you will like it,” I told him. “Do you like to surf?”

“No.” He apparently wasn't much for conversation.

“Well, there are other things to do in California. What do you like to do?”

“I like to suck dick,” he said defiantly, glaring at Joaquin, who glared right back at him.

“Well so do I,” I told him as if it was some great revelation. “And so does JP. So you are in good company with people who understand you.” Was that a little grin? He really was drop-dead gorgeous. Too bad he was so young.

“You will do as Stefan says,” Joaquin said sternly. Alejandro nodded, the rebellion out of him.

“Eric,” I called to the cute deckhand. “Will you show Alejandro to his cabin?”

“Sure,” he said, grinning.

“You would like to see his cabin too?” I asked Joaquin. He nodded and followed Eric and Alejandro below, leaving poor, terrified Jason standing there off to the side.

“Jason, come over here,” I said. “It is good to see you.”

“Really?” he said. I pulled him into a big hug. He was so wounded, so tortured, so flawed, yet at the same time, he was really vulnerable. JP was right. There was no purpose to be served in hating him.

“Really,” I said. He just clung to me as if for his life, and I held him tight, stroking his back. I thought of the things that must fly through his brilliant mind, and how warped he must be inside. It was sobering. He pulled away from me and saw JP as if for the first time and almost ran over to him.

“I missed you Jason,” JP said gently. If Jason had a rock, it was JP. I was a friend, a playmate. JP was like God to him. I could see Jason’s body convulsing as he sobbed, as he let his tortured thoughts and emotions fly from his body. JP said nothing.

Joaquin came up on deck. “I must go. I have much to do.” Jason stood up to follow him but I intervened.

“I'm wondering if Jason could stay with us tonight, so we can catch up on old times.” I asked.

Jason stared at me, amazed, while Joaquin hid his smile. “You can stay with them and fly back tomorrow.” He turned to JP. “He is in no danger, and requires no security. It is only me they would kill on sight.”

“That is a hard burden to bear,” JP said philosophically. “You have to always watch your back.”

“It is indeed.”

“Will you be able to retire eventually?” I asked, wondering if there was an end-game for him.

“I will retire when they put a bullet in my head. Do not dismay, it is the life I have chosen. I will see you again, I think. Thank you for all that you are doing for Alejandro. I have transferred some money offshore for him, to provide for him.”

“That is not necessary,” I said. “I will take care of him.”

“Perhaps, but when he is an adult, he should have his own means. Jason will explain everything to you.” He nodded to Jason. He gave me another hug, a European one this time, and one for JP as well, and then he was gone.