If It Fits - 6. Chapter 6

April 17, 1995

“Are you going to tell me what the fuck that was all about?” JP asked, irritated.

“Eventually,” I said, smiling at him. I leaned over to him and whispered into his ear. “I'm paranoid. What if they bugged my plane?” I just wanted to get out of Mexican airspace first.

He rolled his eyes at my paranoia. “Very well,” he said stiffly.

I laughed. “Good lord, you even sound like Benjamin.”

He gave me a dirty look. “That's a compliment. He's intelligent and cultured.”

I laughed. “He's not cultured. He's a dork.” I winked at him. “I need to call Brad and tell him I'm going to Escorial.”

“You're coming home with me?” he asked. Why did he seem nervous?

“That is not alright?” I asked.

“No, it is fine. Of course you are welcome,” he said.

“What is it?” I demanded. “You are acting all nervous. What are you hiding from me?”

“Benjamin asked me to move in with him,” JP said.

“And what did you say?” I asked. I tried to hide how much this was bothering me, but I wasn't as good as him at hiding my feelings.

“I told him that I would think about it.”

“And when did this happen?” I asked him.

“Right before I flew down to Mexico,” he said.

“So he is waiting for you to come home and give him an answer? And you do not want me there to ruin your romantic moment? I understand. It is fine. I will go back to Malibu. I have things to do there anyway.” Why did this whole relationship he had with Benjamin bother me so much? He'd been with other guys, been madly in love with other guys, and I'd accepted them, even loved them. I picked up the phone to call the pilots and divert to LAX when I felt his hand on mine.

“Come home with me. He will understand.”

I smiled at him. “That is just it, JP. He will not.”

“Why do you hate him so much?” he asked me, exasperated.

“Because he is possessive, and he wants you. And if he wins, if he gets you, he will take you away from me.”

“We are friends Stefan. You are so important to me. He could never do that.” He was pleading now.

“JP, you are deluding yourself. You know it, and I know it. I want you to be happy. And if this Benjamin does it for you, that is fine. But you are not being fair to me, or to any of us, if you do not acknowledge his basic nature.” I looked into his eyes and could tell that he understood, he just would not admit it.

“You do not know him like I do,” he said defensively.

“You are right,” I told him, smirking. “I have not spent alone time with him.”

“That is not what I am talking about,” he argued.

“JP, I just spent the last two days wondering if I was going live. I do not want to argue with you about your boyfriend.” I picked up the phone and told the plane to land in LAX. “Go back to Palo Alto and spend your alone time.”

I sat there, angry and bitter when I had no right to be. Or did I? We flew in silence until the plane started descending.

“Thank you for all you did,” I said grudgingly.

“You going to tell me what happened?” he asked.

“I am really not in the mood right now. Come down and see me sometime and I will unburden my soul.” I willed my mouth to stop but it refused. “That is, assuming you are still allowed to leave.”

He glared at me. I'd pissed him off. I guess that's what I wanted to do, although now that I had done it, I wished I hadn't. “I will be allowed to leave, I just don't know if I will want to.”

The plane touched down and I felt my anger rising. “JP, I am going to say this one time, and then I am going to drop it.” He looked at me, still pissed. “He is wrong for you. He is not only wrong, he is bad for you. You cannot see the conflict? You cannot see the sacrifices you are making for him that you do not want to make? You are such an amazing man. You can do so much better. You can find a soul mate. You do not have to settle.”

“I am going to hold you to that. You said your piece. So now say no more.” he said. He was really, really mad at me. The plane taxied up to the car and stopped. I stared at him, and I couldn't move.

I'd lost Greg, Lou was gone now, and here I was, alienating the best friend in the world. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, felt them roll down my cheeks. I looked down, unable to face him. I felt his hand on my arm and then he pulled me into him, hugging me. “I need to ask you a big favor,” I said.

“What?”

“Stay here with me tonight,” I asked. “I need you, I really do.”

I saw the struggle on his face. “I have class tomorrow afternoon.”

I smiled. “Good. We will get you home by then.”

“I'm worried you're just doing this to make Benjamin mad,” he said.

“Now JP, if I wanted to make Benjamin mad, I would have gone home with you. He hates me.”

He laughed. “Let's go.” We hopped in the limousine and headed up to Malibu.

“Promise me that he will not come between us,” I demanded of him.

“I promise,” he said. Then I just sunk into his arms, my back against his chest, and let myself feel safe like only he could make me feel.

Brad, Robbie, Jeanine, and all of the kids were thrilled to see both of us. The kids were young though, and had better things to do than hang out with boring old men like us. Jeanine shuffled them back to her house so I could drag Robbie, Brad, and JP out onto the patio and smoke a joint.

“I saw Jason,” I told them.

“You saw Jason?” JP asked, amazed. “In Mexico?”

I told them how I went to the airport and how I was abducted. I told them about the room I stayed in, the smelly mattress, the cute young guy that made me blow him, and the fear I'd felt. They just watched me and listened. I told them about the older brother and how he picked me up in an old Chevy, and how they took me to the Boss's house.

“If you knew all of this, why didn't you tell the authorities?” JP demanded.

“They could have caught those guys, and they could have made sure this didn't happen ever again,” Brad said piling on.

Robbie just watched me and ignored them. “What happened when you got there, Stef?” I smiled at him. He never used to be this tuned in to my emotions.

“The Boss turned out to be Joaquin.”

“Who is Joaquin?” Brad demanded. I watched JP search his memory.

“When I first moved to Malibu, I got mugged on the beach and a young Mexican guy saved me. Joaquin. We let him live with us. Jason treated him like his own kid. But Josh did not.” I saw Brad cringe now, and I saw JP's light bulb of recollection go on.

“I left him here while I was traveling, and when I came back to Malibu, I caught Josh molesting him. I did not handle that very well. I was pretty hard on Josh. He went up to his room and committed suicide.” I looked at Brad. Neither JP nor Robbie knew that Josh had fooled around with him when he was a child. I watched those emotions wash over him, those memories, until he remembered to throw his shields back up.

“You remember, JP. You hired a lawyer for me even while I was trying to cope with things. As always, you were there for me.” He smiled at me. “You show me you love me by taking care of me when I get myself into these crises.”

“And when I fuck you,” he said, cracking us all up.

“So I took Joaquin back to Mexico. Roger and Jason went with me.” More sad memories, memories of Roger, a man both JP and I had loved, and who had died of AIDS. “I left him with his parents and gave him a bunch of money.”

“And you had not heard from him until you ended up in his house?” Robbie asked.

“No. It was a total surprise. And a pleasant one. It was good to see him.”

“He's a crime boss, Stef. You make him sound like a good guy,” Brad objected.

“And you are pure as the driven snow? Or you?” I asked, staring at JP, sensing he was going to pile on too. “Spare me your moralizations.”

“So he let you go then?” Robbie asked, determined not to let them derail me.

“No. He told me there was someone who wanted to see me, and Jason came in. He's working for Joaquin now.”

Brad rolled his eyes. “Figures. Birds of a feather.”

“I can't believe you talked to him,” JP said.

“Will you two shut the fuck up?” Robbie demanded, pissed off. “I'm sitting here, trying to understand what happened to Stef, and all you can do is toss these judgmental statements around. I feel like I'm with my fucking mother.” His mother was a fundamentalist Christian. JP and Brad stared at him, an equal mixture of anger and surprise.

“Thank you Robbie,” I said. “He wanted to know if I hated him. I told him that I did not.” I paused to see if JP and Brad had learned their lesson, to see if they'd keep their mouths shut. They did. “I said I did not trust him, and that I did not like him, but I did not hate him.”

“And Joaquin let him work for him after he fucked you over?” Brad asked.

“It is not Joaquin's job to fight my battles. He and Jason were friends. He gave him a job. I am glad that he did.”

JP chimed in again, this time in a positive manner. “Jason is a very organized man, and a very hard worker. His problem has always been his moral compass. He apparently is not as holy and righteous as Brad and I are.” That got him an appreciative look from Robbie, and a laugh from me.

We lit another joint and just contemplated my ordeal. “I can understand why you didn't want to involve the authorities now,” JP said. “I can also understand why the Mexican authorities dropped it.”

“Joaquin must have powerful friends,” Robbie said. “Well, it's all over now, and you got to catch up with old friends. Next time Stef, why don't you have a barbecue or something?”

I laughed with him. “Well, there is one more thing.”

“What?” JP asked cautiously.

“I told Joaquin that his youngest son could come stay with us and go to school here in the US. His name is Alejandro. He's 15 years old.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Brad asked. “You would let some crime boss send his kid here? Next thing you know, our cars would start blowing up.”

“Then I will move so you can be safe. I would not want to spark your paranoia,” I snapped.

“Why did you do that?” JP asked gently.

“Because Alejandro is having a very hard time in Mexico. He is a very handsome young man, but very shy. He is very artistic, and very smart. And Joaquin thinks he may be gay, but he is not sure. And this poor sensitive kid is stuck in the Mexican criminal underworld, where he is taunted and abused constantly.” I took a deep breath.

“Kind of like I was,” Brad said. He finally got it. He finally understood why this was important.

“I am tired,” I said. “I am going to take your father upstairs and fuck him so he is too sore to have alone time with Benjamin tomorrow.” I held out my hand to JP, but he wasn't mad at me. He just grinned.

We climbed the stairs and I couldn't stop grinning at him. “I'm still feeling grungy,” I said. “Take another shower with me.”

“OK,” he said, grinning that cute grin of his. We washed each other, a sensual experience, exploring bodies we knew so well. Then I pushed him forward, so his ass was exposed, and started working on his hole with my tongue.

One of the coolest things about JP is that when you get him fired up sexually, his cool and calm veneer vanishes and he lets himself go completely. And he's really loud. I grabbed the hand-held shower massage and turned the water on low, a slow massage, and aimed it right at his taint while I nibbled and bit on his ass.

“Oh God, Stef. Oh God!” he yelled. I giggled then grabbed the soap and lubed my dick and pushed into him. I felt his wonderful ass, perfectly designed to pleasure a male intruder, respond to my advances, working him up to that moment right before the point of no return. Then I stopped, pulled out of him, and rinsed us off.

“Come on,” I said, dragging him into the bedroom. I lubed him up now, savoring the crazed lust in his eyes, and lay on my back and grabbed my ankles. “Please, JP. I want you so bad. Fuck me.”

He growled, actually growled, and drove into me. “You are so amazing,” I said, urging him on. “You make me feel so good, like no one else can!” He moaned loudly, yelled, screamed as he came. I stroked myself as he rode his orgasm, riding me like I was a wave in the ocean. And then he was done, with his cock still in my ass, jamming into my prostate, as I stroked myself off to a massive orgasm.

He lay next to me and I turned on my side to face him, our eyes locked, our noses touching. “I love you,” he told me.

“I love you too.” I swallowed hard. “Do you remember the conversation we had years ago, when you were having problems with Sam?”

“I don't remember,” he lied.

“I told you that if we ever found ourselves single, that I would like to try being a couple again. I mean, I've only been waiting since fucking 1962,” I joked.

“I can't go there Stef,” he said, shaking his head. I couldn't look at him then. I buried my head in his neck.

“You told me then that you'd like to try to. You remember that?” I asked him.

“I remember.”

“Then why?” I asked. “You do not love him,” I said, the anger in my voice audible.

“This isn't about him,” he said firmly.

“What is wrong with me then? Why can you not love me?” I sounded desperate and pathetic. There was a good chance I'd end up hating him for making me act this way, at least as I'd see it.

“You are still wounded. You're dangerous.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I demanded.

“Stef, you just lost Greg, and you are just now starting to deal with that. You are not ready for another relationship. You know that, don't you?” He kissed my cheek, then my neck, and pulled me closer. “I know you baby, I know you so well. You need some time to be free, to deal with this.”

I smiled up at him. “It is possible that you are right,” I teased.

“If we declared our unconditional love and loyalty right now, and we fucked it up, it could ruin our friendship. I'm sorry. I won't take that chance.” I stared at him, my heart throbbing. He never opened up to me like this. “I can't imagine my life without you, Stef. I just can't risk it.”

“You know,” I told him, “I am hearing you tell me to get my shit together, to go sow my wild oats, and then you want to give a relationship a try.”

“I'm not making promises Stef. You may fall in love with someone else.”

“And Benjamin may make alone time as fun as I do,” I teased.

“That is never going to happen,” he said, smiling at me.

“Please wait for me JP. We belong together.” He kissed me then, and we drifted off to sleep.

April 19, 1995

I was trying to figure out what to do. I was bored. Brad had things under control at work, there was no one for me to take care of now that Greg was gone, and I really didn't want to re-immerse myself into the Hollywood Scene.

I tried to figure out why. There were lots of beautiful men here. I could do what one of my former boyfriends had done. I could hire some young stud and make him my house boy, and make him fuck me non-stop. I grinned to myself thinking about that option. It had a certain appeal. But the friends I had now were friends Greg and I had made as a couple, people who would remind me of him, and make me feel guilty if I fucked someone, or one of them. All of the guys I'd known before we were together were gone. AIDS had taken them, had ripped through my friends like the bubonic plague had swept Europe in the Dark Ages.

No wonder JP didn't want to be with me. I had so much emotional baggage I was like a walking Tumi store. Maybe Lou was right. Maybe I needed psychotherapy. Maybe I just needed to get fucked. I giggled again. JP was right. I needed to let myself go so I could let Greg go. Maybe another cruise would be nice.

Brad came strolling in. “You're up early,” I said. “Seven. What's the deal?”

“I'm getting older. The older you are, the earlier you get up. You get up around 4am now, right?” he teased.

“I can get up at anytime just fine, even at my age,” I teased back. “Your husband is pretty impressive.”

“Robbie? What makes you say that?” he asked.

“Yes, Robbie, unless you have another husband. He has really bloomed.”

“Stay away from him. You are not allowed to fuck him,” Brad teased.

“Not allowed to fuck whom?” Robbie said, coming into the room and catching our conversation mid stream.

“You. I am not allowed to fuck you,” I said, and got up and strolled over to him. “Which is such a shame because you are really an amazing man. You are so strong, so confident, so successful, and you are more sensitive, all at the same time.”

“Oh come on,” Robbie whined to Brad. “Let me fuck him. He's stroking my ego. That really turns me on.”

“Nope,” Brad said. “Not happening. If you're turned on, though, I can help you with that.”

“What is going on?” I asked suddenly, noticing the news on the television, and noticing a huge pillar of smoke. Brad shrugged and turned up the volume. “It appears there has been an explosion at the Murrah Building in downtown Oklahoma City,” said the announcer. “We're still getting preliminary reports, but it appears that the explosion was caused by a bomb of some kind.” The discussion degenerated from there. Was it a bomb? Who set it? The general suspicion was Middle-Eastern nuts. Then the word terrorism came up, repeated over and over again, inciting fear and panic.

“Man, if an Arab did this, people are gonna freak out,” Robbie said. I nodded. What would we do? Who would we blow up in retaliation? Robbie got tired of the maudlin environment and headed off to the office, but Brad and I sat in the family room, in front of the television, transfixed.

Federal buildings around the country shut down. The government was on virtual lockdown. And then came the scenes, the horrific scenes. The bomb went off below the Day Care Center. The broken bodies of children being carried out, lifeless, were heart-wrenching.

The only good news was that they caught the guy, or at least they thought they did. Timothy McVeigh. An American. And a white guy. That would freak people out.

April 27, 1995

It had been over a week since the bombing, and the whole thing was taking a huge toll on me. I don't know what it was, why it affected me so strongly. Maybe it was the children? Maybe it was the feeling that if that could happen in Oklahoma, it could happen anywhere...the feeling of insecurity. I'd sent thousands of dollars to aid the victims, trying to stop the visions of those dead children, but the images haunted me. Maybe their loss reminded me of my own. JP was right. I still wasn't over Greg, and I didn't know if I ever would be. My instincts were to flee, so I gave into them.

“Where are you going?” Brad asked as I strolled into the kitchen with my roller bag.

“I think I will take a cruise up to San Francisco and bother your father,” I told him.

“You're in for a surprise,” he said grinning.

“I do not need surprises,” I said.

“He has a boyfriend.”

I sighed. “He told me Benjamin wanted him to move in.”

“It's not Benjamin. His name is Erik.” I stared at him now, really interested. I took a seat at the table.

He laughed at me. “Mom tells me the guy is really handsome. He's in his 30s, tall, with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes to match.”

“Indeed?” I asked, grinning. “And what else did you find out?”

“He is an attorney, a probate attorney, and they are very very loud.” Now I really started laughing.

“I guess Benjamin was not very exciting during alone time,” I teased.

“Sounds like this guy is.” Brad grinned at me. “He's been staying at Escorial.”

“He has moved in?” I asked, amazed.

“I don't know if he officially moved in, but I know he spends pretty much every night there.”

“You are a good spy,” I told him. “I should fly up and get there faster.”

“I don't think Erik is going anywhere,” Brad said. “Take your time. Maybe you can take them out on your boat.”

“Well time is wasting, so I’d better get going,” I said. My car was waiting, and took me down to the marina at a sluggish pace. Fucking traffic. Maybe I should buy a helicopter. It seemed like we'd never get there, but I knew I was just being impatient.

Skip and the whole crew were there to greet me. The two twinks, the chef, the housekeeper, the first mate, and Skip. “I wasn't sure if we'd ever see you again,” Skip said. “I'm so sorry about what happened in Mexico.”

“What nonsense. It was not your fault. Besides, I had such a good time on the cruise up until then, I decided to spend some more time with you.” They all seemed relieved. “In fact, I have decided that I like having a boat.”

“You mean you're not selling the ship?” Skip asked.

“I am not. I can afford it, so why not enjoy it.” They all smiled, safe in their jobs now. “I want to go to the Bay Area, and I want you to get as close to Palo Alto as you can. Think you can manage that?”

“I can,” Skip said.

“Excellent. I'd like to see you in my cabin as soon as you can get away,” I said to Skip formally. He nodded and smiled.

Fifteen minutes later he strolled into my cabin. “You wanted to see me?”

“You told me that the next time I took a cruise I should come alone and stay in your cabin. Here I am.”

He grinned, and pulled me up to him, picking me up off my feet, and then kissed me passionately. “You want me to fuck you?” God, he had a sexy voice. So deep. So masculine.

I dropped my pants and handed him a condom. “Now.” He smiled bigger, and carried me over to the bed and dropped me on top of it. He pulled my pants off and pulled his down, exposing his cock. He was hard as a rock. He grabbed my legs and spread them wide apart, then pushed them back, exposing my hole, forcing me wide open. He moved up and lined his dick up and pushed in. No foreplay, no preparation. I was so glad I had lubed myself up, and so glad I'd braced myself for him.

“Oh yeah!” he cried when he entered me, his guttural, masculine cry was like a drug. “You feel so fucking good. Damn, you feel so good. Take my big cock baby. Take this big dick!” I moaned and leaned back, enjoying him, letting him slam into me over and over and over again.

I stroked myself, watching his moves, gauging his actions, keeping myself on edge so I could cum when he did. Then, without warning, he let out a roar, a huge roar. Shit, they had to hear that on the other ships in harbor. He slammed into me, his cock was like a hammer, and I frantically stroked myself to blow with him. Then my own orgasm came, and I forgot all about him, focusing only on myself and my own needs. He collapsed onto me afterward, kissing me gently, then pulling away to smile at me.

“I really liked that,” he said.

“So did I,” I said, smiling at him. “You are the most masculine man I've ever been with. I felt like you were blasting testosterone in me when you came.”

He grinned really broadly at that. He wasn't a fabulous lover, but he was all man, so I focused on that to make him feel good. “When I'm off duty I plan to spend that time with you,” he said. He didn't ask, he told me his plan. He was so dominant.

“You will find me ready and waiting. I will do my best to keep you satisfied.”

He headed back up to the bridge, and I lay there, thoroughly fucked, enjoying the afterglow alone. All alone.

April 29, 1995

We docked in Redwood City, and I walked to the gangway, ready to get in the waiting limousine, ready to head to Escorial and meet Erik. “I will be back in a day or two,” I told Skip as I left. He just grinned at me. I flopped into the limo and cringed. Damn my ass hurt. Skip had apparently neglected to get laid for most of the previous 20 years or so, and now that he had me, he was making up for all that lost time.

More traffic, more delays, but I finally made it to Escorial just in time for dinner again. I smiled to myself. I strolled into the dining hall to find only two people there, with candles providing ambient, romantic light. One was JP, and the other one was a hunk. He saw me first.

“Hello,” he said politely, and stood up. He was over six feet, probably six feet two, and looked like a GQ model with his stylish suit. His brown hair and brown eyes were stunning, framing his chiseled features. He had an athleticism about him, an air that said not only was his body fit, he knew how to move it.

“Why hello,” I said, throwing out my most coquettish attitude.

He grinned broadly, revealing a mouthful of perfect teeth. “You must be Stefan. I am so glad you're here. I've been dying to meet you.” He walked over to me and took my hand then pulled me into a hug, his strong arms holding me firmly, making me feel so good. “I hope you don't mind me being so forward. I've heard so much about you that I feel like I already know you.”

“It is not possible for you to be too forward for me,” I said.

“Oh yeah?” he said, and then pulled me back in and placed his lips on mine, kissing me firmly, just like his embrace.

“Yeah,” I said, reaching down to stroke his hardening cock.

“It is good to see you Stefan,” JP said grinning. “Leave my man alone.”

“It seems that he was having problems leaving me alone,” I teased, winking at him.

“You are irresistible,” JP said.

“Your man, eh?” I asked.

“I didn't know I was your man?” Erik asked him. I saw JP get really uncomfortable, so I saved him from his own gaffe.

“But you will share him, no?” I asked. “If that is OK with Erik, that is?”

“I'm fine with that,” he said, running his hand over my ass. “Totally fine with that.”