If It Fits - 13. Chapter 13

June 4, 1995

I woke up spooned up behind JP, his warmth heating my body and my heart. I kissed his neck, kissed him behind his ears, and pushed my hard dick slowly into his ass.

“I am never going to get any sleep with you around,” he said, trying to sound irritated, but he had already clicked into this sexual mood so it didn't come out right.

“And that is a bad thing?” I asked.

“No,” he moaned, and pushed back into me, “It is a very good thing.” We moved our bodies in perfect sync. We knew each other so well, knew every erogenous zone, every facial tic, every moan, every gesture; everything you'd need to know to maximize pleasure. That is exactly what we did, until we were lying there in bed, panting, sweaty, and smiling.

“I thought I’d lost you,” I told him, staring into his eyes. “I thought you had given up on me, and that you decided not to wait for me.”

I expected him to deny it, but he didn't, and that made me respect him that much more. “I enjoyed him Stef. He was fun, you know that, and he was nice to me, sweet to me. I could tell you that I knew we'd end up together, but that would be a lie. I was living for the day, not thinking ahead.”

“I understand. I think that is how things were with Cody and my harem,” I joked. He smiled at me. “But I did think ahead, and I did realize what I lost. And now I appreciate you that much more.”

“I should have swept you off your feet when you came back from Mexico,” JP said, bathing in guilt.

“No JP, you did the right thing. It made me sad, I felt rejected, but after I thought about it, I figured it out.” He smiled at me and we kissed, not a passionate kiss, but a loving kiss. “Now that I have figured it out, you should be warned that you are no longer allowed to dump me.”

“OK,” he said. “So how are we going to work this out, to be together?”

“You are acting like Benjamin, always planning so far ahead. Well, for the next month at least, you are going to be following me around.” He grinned and nodded. “And then after that, when your semester starts, I will be here with you.”

“You would leave Malibu and move up here?” he asked, amazed.

“But of course. For a smart man, you can be amazingly stupid. I love you. I will be with you. Besides, if I want a beach, I have Santa Cruz, or I can always visit Malibu.”

JP looked into my eyes, that deep look that created almost a Vulcan mind meld. “Thank you Stef.” He knew this would be hard on me, to leave Brad and Robbie and their kids behind, but I offered to make the sacrifice, I intended to make it. We kissed again. “So what are we doing first?”

I giggled. “We are flying down to Malibu so I can break the news to Brad and Robbie. And to Max and Cody,” I said, suddenly remembering them. “Then we are going to go sailing around.”

“To Mexico?” he asked.

“You know, I was thinking about Alaska,” I told him. “I have never been there, and their days are long and relatively warm in the summer.”

“There is something else we have to talk about,” he said seriously. “Other men.”

“Well JP, I guess it's time I came out of the closet. I'm gay,” I joked. It was so fun to frustrate him and make him laugh at the same time.

“You blew your closet up in 1970,” he joked. “You know what I mean.”

“You want to know if I mind if you fuck other men, just in case I am not enough for you?” I asked, still teasing him.

“Stef, I'm trying to be serious.”

I stared at him and got serious. “JP, I just found out I get to spend my life with the man I love most in the whole world. I have loved him for over 30 years, longed for the day we could be together, and that has happened. I am happy. I am giddy. Let me have my joy before making me be practical.”

He kissed me, then laughed, then shook his head. “Sorry Stef. We'll just enjoy the glow. I'll pack and we can head down to see Brad, Robbie, and the other men you've collected.”

A few hours later found us on the plane heading back to LA. Before I got back to Malibu, I knew we had to address the issue he raised. Rules. “So how do you want to handle this? Other men?” I asked.

JP looked at me, his logical mind working like a factory to process everything and spit out an answer. “I feel really strange about it.”

I laughed. “That is not the response I expected. If you want to be monogamous, it is alright with me.”

He laughed with me. “That's why I feel strange. I really don't need us to be monogamous.”

“Why?” I asked, feeling insecure, and a little unloved.

“We have loved each other for so long, through other partners, that our relationship transcends sex. I know that sounds lame, and it may not really be workable, but that's how I feel.”

I leaned into him and kissed him, then snuggled back into his arms. “So you will not mind if I have sex with Cody, or Max?” I asked.

“Not really,” he said. “I'd like to be there, but that has more to do with enjoying them than any insecurity.” I giggled at him. He was as much a sexual being as I was, he just wouldn't admit it as openly. “Would you mind if I had sex with Erik?”

I thought about that. “I do not know. Part of me is bothered, because you were almost willing to be with him instead of me. And because I know what a great lover he is. But the other part says that would not be fair if you let me play with my former lovers, and that I should trust you after all these years.”

He thought about that for a bit. It was so flattering to have him take me so seriously, to listen to my ideas and feelings. In the past, there had been times when I'd felt like he'd dismissed me as simply a dilettante. “I understand that.”

“You do?” I asked, surprised.

“Yeah. Makes sense. Besides, I think Erik would be relentless in trying to get me back, or get you. He likes the good life. He likes money. And I don't want to worry about it.” I watched his eyes as he said that, and could see the sadness there. He'd really thought Erik loved him, and it had hurt him to realize that it was as much his money and lifestyle Erik was entranced with as it was his personality.

“I like your idea. It sounds like more fun, and it sounds a lot less stressful. But we have to be open about it. I do not want to find out that someone else is suddenly there trying to steal you away,” I joked. Sort of.

“I think I've proven that I will love you always,” JP said.

“Yes you have,” I responded, smiling. In the past, if I was with another guy, my emotions would have overwhelmed me and I would have fucked him. Now, there was a calmness, a serenity, a security, and I was happy just to hang out with JP, to enjoy our bond that sealed us together on so many levels.

There was traffic, of course, so it took us forever to get to Malibu. “It's even crowded here on Sunday,” JP whined.

“People are heading to the beach,” I said simply. We pulled into the Colony and saw a tow truck there, hauling away a car that presumed to park illegally. Strict enforcement of the parking rules made our little neighborhood free of that plague, of having strangers' cars blocking driveways. And then we were home. Or at least at one of them.

No one was around at my house so we headed next door to see Brad and Robbie.

“So you're finally together?” Robbie asked, smiling.

“We are,” I said. “That means you will have to stop hitting on me.”

“Yeah,” Brad said. Robbie just rolled his eyes. “So I guess this means you're moving?”

Brad was so sharp. “You are so on top of things,” I said.

“Not always,” Robbie observed, cracking us up.

Brad ignored him and just stared at me, demanding with his eyes that I answer his question. “I am. But I will still be around, and it is only a short flight away.”

“It won't be the same,” Robbie whined. Brad was right. He was really unattractive when he whined, but I put that aside and smiled anyway.

“It may be better. Who knows? Besides, I will probably feel guilty enough for being gone that you can talk me into throwing a few parties for you.”

Robbie grinned at me. “No one throws parties like you do Stef.” That was really flattering, especially in this town, where so much was based on looks and appearances. “You happy?” Robbie asked JP.

“More than I can say,” he said, getting a smile from them, and a surprised look from me. “What?” he challenged. “You know I love you.” I giggled and put my arm through his, guiding him back to our house.

We found Max and Cody in the kitchen, eating food as fast as Rosa could make it, or so it seemed. “Hey!” Cody said happily, and jumped up to greet us. He gave JP a big hug and a very affectionate kiss, and then gave me the same treatment. “We heard you got married!”

“I think we've always been married,” I said. Max grinned at us and gave us a similar greeting to Cody's.

“So you guys surfing today?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Max said happily. We all sat down at the table, while Rosa brought JP and me plates and silverware.

“You know Stef, this has been a blast, this time with you, but I should probably get back to Chicago,” Cody said. I stared at him, right through him. He'd shown me new ways to look at people, to see their motives and drives, and part of that was understanding Cody himself. He really was a sweet guy. He didn't want to go back to Chicago, but he wanted me to be happy, and he wanted to give me my space.

“I think that would be a mistake,” I said. “You have nothing there, at least right now,” I said, leering at Max and making him blush. “Here you have waves, you have friends, you have a family, and a couple of older guys who love what you do with your body.”

“You two aren't exclusive?” Cody asked. Max grinned.

“We love each other, but we can enjoy other people too,” I said. “But I do think you need a career, something to focus on.”

“Yeah, but what? I don't see myself as an actor or model. Planning and stuff, like Grant and Zach do, that would bore me to tears.” Cody needed to work with people, and I had the perfect job for him.

“I want you to meet someone. Her name is Jackie Diamond; she's an agent,” I told him.

JP looked at me oddly. Not even he knew where I was going. That made me smile. “Stef, let's review. I don't think I'm cut out for modeling or acting,” Cody whined.

“Unless it's porn,” Max teased, cracking us all up.

“You do have the equipment for it,” JP added. But Cody was looking at me, intensely curious about where I was going with this. It was his life, after all.

“I do not want you to hire her to represent you, I want you to work for her,” I said. It was so pleasant to see the light bulbs go off around the table, to see them get it. It was even more pleasant to see Cody contemplate it with a smile.

“That might really be fun,” he said.

“Go surf. I will arrange it,” I said.

“I was thinking we could welcome you and JP home in style,” Cody said, giving me his slutty look. So I didn't get to call Jackie for another couple of hours.

June 5, 1995

It was hilarious to see Cody sitting there, actually nervous, as we zipped up Jackie's large driveway to the massive, Spanish-style edifice that was her home. “Kind of reminds me of a tacky version of Escorial, only smaller,” he said.

I laughed. That was well said. “You are correct. But you have not seen tacky yet.” I don't think he knew whether I was referring to the house or Jackie. Neither did I. We strolled up to the door and her maid led us straight in to see her. There was a time in the past where I'd come to her, hat in hand, begging her to let me stay with Peter. Those days were past, and the power dynamic had changed. I liked to think I was more gracious to her than she was to me, but in the end, through all the shit of the 70s and 80s, we'd remained friends, and that carried us through.

“Darling!” she said, getting up to give me the requisite demi-kiss on each cheek. “Whenever will you age?”

“When you do,” I said. She had a vague resemblance to Joan Rivers. Maybe it was all the plastic surgery, or maybe it was because they were friends and shopped at the same places.

“Such a charmer!” Her eyes move to Cody. “You fags always find the hottest looking guys.”

“With the biggest dicks. He could be a porn star,” I teased, trying to make Cody blush for once. It worked.

“Well, nice to know he's got a backup career plan,” she said, cackling. “So you want to be me, eh?” she asked Cody.

“Yes ma'am, but I want to keep my dick,” Cody said, getting his mojo and charm back.

“You can keep it if you don't mind sharing,” she joked. We all laughed. Then she looked at him seriously. “You.”

“What?” He got nervous again.

“You're a seer. You got any Indian blood in you?” she asked.

“I don't know,” Cody said.

“So what do you see in me,” she demanded. “And cut out the bullshit. I've heard all the games in town.”

“You like being a player in Hollywood, but you are never quite as influential as you want to be,” Cody said simply. “You have a kind heart, but you let your ambition obscure it too often. You want to love, but you are afraid to. You keep your friends at a distance so you won't feel obligated to them. Makes it easier if you have to hurt them. And you are very very lonely.”

I looked at her, and although intuitively I knew many of those things about her, I'd never put it together like that. Cody hit her like a brick, catching her off guard, so much that I saw a tear in her eye, briefly. The she grappled with herself. “Very good.”

“And you want to hire me because you know I'll do really well, kick ass in fact, but you're worried about having me around to read your feelings,” Cody added. “And no, you don't have to worry about loyalty. If you treat me fairly, I'll be there for you.”

I put my arm around her in a loving manner. “Do not be too hard on yourself. You have been there for me,” I said. She smiled at me.

“And if you weren't gay, Stef, she'd fuck your brains out,” Cody added, making us all laugh.

“Alright sweet cheeks, you use your talents on our clients, not me. You start tomorrow. I'll have to way overpay you or Stef will run me out of town, but hopefully you'll end up being worth it,” she said, reverting to her normal mode. Then she turned to me. “You do bring me the most interesting people.”

I laughed. “I do. By the way, thank you for helping Lou out.”

“They weren't too happy with me up there,” she said, referring to the Canadian TV station. “Seems they just passed some anti-discrimination laws, no firing guys just because they're fags. So your little friend makes a big entrance onto the gay scene, and now the station is stuck with him.”

“That is too bad,” I said sadly, hoping Lou didn't have to put up with too much shit.

“Bah. Their ratings are high, so that's beating the homophobia out of them. That and the cute teeny bopper photos of him when he modeled. It's created a mini-sensation in Montreal. And that kid knows how to use his body. You watch. He'll be the only guy in Canada who manages to get photographed in the winter shirtless more than fully dressed.” Too funny.

“So what time do you want me here?” Cody asked.

“8:00am. Don’t be late. You can ride into the office with me and I can fill you in,” she said assertively.

“You got it,” Cody said, smiling. Then we said our goodbyes and left.

“Thanks, Stef,” Cody said as we motored back to the beach.

“You are welcome. It is a pleasure to see someone like you find a good path.”

“You're like Santa Claus, only thin and hot, and you make dreams come true instead of just handing out shit,” he said affectionately.

“Stefan Claus,” I joked. “Speaking of shit, you need some new clothes for your new gig.” He argued, but I won, especially after I called JP and made him and Max join us.

I took them to my favorite boutiques in Beverly Hills, the ones where they knew me well and treated us like gold. Of course it wasn't enough to buy stuff for just Cody; we all had to pick up some new stuff too. For a gay guy, Max didn't have the best taste in clothes, so I took care of him. JP, on the other hand, loved to shop but rebelled against some of the more modern trends.

“Your time with Benjamin made you old and stuffy,” I teased.

“Your time in LA has made you flashy and tacky,” he responded. “You're not going to dress like this at faculty receptions are you?”

“I will make you a deal. I will dress like a mortician at your faculty functions if you will be a little more flamboyant when we go to Hollywood parties.”

“A mortician? That will be the day,” JP teased. I saw Max smiling at us, happy for us, yet sad. My heart went out to him. We finished our shopping and had an early dinner, then got ready to head home.

“Cody, why not drive JP home in your new car,” I said, tossing him the keys to my Porsche.

“My car?” Cody asked. Then he looked at the keys, looked at the Carrera, and smiled, a huge smile. “Damn! Thanks Stef.”

“You can thank me when we get home,” I said coquettishly. I dragged Max along with me in the Bentley to fight the traffic back to Malibu.

“That was really nice of you,” Max said to me, referring to my generosity with Cody.

“He has been really nice to me. He, more than anyone else, is responsible for me getting my head on straight and for helping me to move on without Greg. Without Cody, I would not be together enough to be with JP.” He nodded. “And what will you do?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, knowing damned well what I meant.

“When Marcel realizes how much he misses you, and how much he loves you, and comes crawling back, what will you do?”

“Fuck Marcel,” he said, pissed off. We drove on in silence for a few minutes. “I don't know.”

“I am curious. You forgave Brad for playing with your heart; you let Lark make you his doormat. Will you not forgive Marcel a transgression?” I asked.

Max thought about that. “I didn't love them like I loved him.”

“That just means that this hurts more,” I told him. “But it also makes your relationship with him more valuable.”

“What makes you think he's going to come groveling back anyway?” Max argued. “He hasn't even apologized to you yet.”

“He will. He will come find me, and he will beg me to forgive him, and I will,” I said simply.

“Well, that's you, not me,” he said defiantly. Then he thought about things for a bit, and asked that one, universal question. “Why?”

“Did Marcel grieve much for Greg?” I asked him.

“He was torn up, but he seemed to move on alright,” Max said, wondering what the fuck this had to do with anything.

“I think he did not. Greg was like the father he never had, and I replaced his mother,” I joked. “Losing Greg must have been very hard on him. I was too absorbed in my own grief and my own problems to worry about him.”

Max looked thoughtful. “I guess I just let him work things out on his own. I thought I was there for him. Maybe I wasn't.”

“Baby, this is not about what you did or did not do. I am sure you were supportive, one hundred percent supportive,” I said, reassuring him. “Just like you were for me.”

He smiled at me shyly. God, he could kill me with that shy smile of his, it was so adorable. “I didn't do much.”

“As I recall, there was a certain young man who pulled me aside and pumped up my flagging ego, supported me when no one else would, and even said he found me attractive enough to be with me,” I said to him and squeezed his hand. There were some advantages to driving a car with an automatic transmission, I thought. “And do not think that I did not seriously consider that.”

He grinned at me now. “And don't think I didn't mean it. But this is better Stef. You belong with JP; you two are great together.” He blushed. “Plus I still get to sleep with you, and you are really a remarkable lover.”

“All that you hoped for?” I teased.

“And more,” he said. I felt my ego soar. We drove on, stopping and starting with traffic, enjoying the beautiful weather with the top down. “So I don't get what Greg's death had to do with Marcel letting Bruno fuck him?”

“Marcel had just lost his father, in his mind. I think that Bruno sensed that, and preyed on it. Men in that situation are very vulnerable,” I said. “When I was a young man in Paris, and I had to hustle to eat, I ended up letting a lot of older guys fuck me. I liked them the best. It was like their dick in my ass somehow meant that my father loved me.” I felt a tear fall down my face, not realizing how much that had saddened me then, and still saddened me now.

“I guess I can understand that, although I never really felt that way myself,” Max said. He reached over and gently wiped the tear off my cheek. What a great guy! “I wonder if that's the way Bruno got Chad.”

“Chad?” I asked.

“Yeah. His parents tossed him out when they found out he was gay. He started fucking Bruno shortly after that.”

“Well now we know Bruno's modus operandi,” I said, pissed off. “What a scumball.” I thought about the frail male psyche, and how dependent it was on paternal love and approval. How easy it would be, for an older guy to insinuate himself in a situation where he could simulate that and get his rocks off.

“I really like Cody,” Max said. “I don't see us as a couple though. He's got a new career here, and I'm up for tenure next year. But I'm enjoying him.”

“That's how I felt. I wonder if he feels like a placeholder?” I asked, more of myself than of Max.

“I don't think so. I think that if he ever really falls in love with someone, if he finds someone that is truly his soul mate, it will happen. What guy could resist him?”

I laughed. “Only a straight one. Maybe not even then.” We finally drove up to the house, conveniently beating Cody and JP, and zipped into the garage.

“So do you like this car?” Max asked.

“It is big and cushy, and very showy. Not exactly my thing. But I plan to spend most of my time in Palo Alto, so it will do just fine for me while I'm here.” I sighed. “Greg loved it though. He loved the flashiness much more than I did.”

“It kind of feels like part of him,” Max observed. Maybe that's why I was ambivalent toward this Bentley. Maybe it was because I hadn't entirely forgiven Greg for the way he treated me, and for fucking Zach. I stopped Max at the door and pulled his mouth to mine, giving him a nice kiss, a loving kiss, trying to show him physically how much I loved him.

“Part of me will be sad if you get back together with Marcel,” I teased, taking his hand and putting it on my hard dick. Max laughed and kissed me again. We walked through the door, arm in arm, and our pants tenting, to find a very upset Marcel waiting for us.