If It Fits - 25. Chapter 25

October 16, 1995

Brian sat next to me on the couch, looking through my photo album. “So where did you meet Greg?” he asked.

“At an orgy. It was love at first fuck,” I teased.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I had a boyfriend then, a big hunky guy, who decided it would be fun to bottom for all of Hollywood. I decided to enjoy myself, and Greg came up and fucked me.”

“That's not usually a good start for a relationship,” he observed.

“It was the 70's, 1973 to be exact. Things were a bit looser then, before AIDS,” I said, trying not to be sad about that.

“Where was this taken?” he asked, pointing at a picture of me and Greg standing next to an Israeli tank.

“That was taken in Tel Aviv. The soldiers let us snap a picture before they went to the front. That was during the Yom Kippur War.”

“Wow. You were there?” he asked, amazed.

“I was there, but I did not fight in it,” I joked. “I am a lover, not a fighter.”

“So I've heard. Is this Australia?”

“It is. Greg took me there on what could be considered our ‘honeymoon’. It is a great country, I loved it. I need to go back there.”

We flipped through more photos, more memories, memories of the many good times we'd had. “It seems like you guys had a great relationship,” he observed.

“We did. The last year was hell, and he cheated on me for the last six months. I did not find out about that until after he died. But the years before then were good, very good. Thank you for reminding me.”

“So when did you get back?” I heard a voice behind me. Alejandro. I stood up and he gave me a warm hug.

“I got back today, and I'm heading back tomorrow. This is Brian. He's JP's brother.”

“You are awfully scrawny,” Alejandro said to him, trying to get a reaction. Fucking teenagers.

“Not so scrawny that I can't kick your ass,” Brian said, standing up and getting in Alejandro's face. Alejandro backed right down.

“If you're touching my ass, I hope it is for some reason other than kicking,” he said, sounding really slutty.

“When you're 18, we'll talk,” Brian said smiling and held out his hand. Casey came in and I introduced him as well, then the boys vanished upstairs. “They going to fuck?”

“Most likely,” I answered. “They are 16-year-old boys. It is their way.”

“So everyone teases you about being slutty. That an act?” he asked.

“Not at all. I am a sexual being. I have had almost as many men as the navy. It is fun, but I can be monogamous too. I was with Greg,” I said.

He laughed. “I know what you mean. I love sex. I mean, I really love sex.” I laughed with him then. He was really cute. “You're not monogamous with JP though. You don't love him as much?”

“No, I love him more, more than anyone, that's why we do not have to be monogamous. We both know that at the end of the day, we will be together. It is the most relaxed relationship I've ever been in, yet it feels so right, and I've never been happier,” I said sincerely.

“That's pretty awesome. I hope I get that someday, get to share that with someone.”

“You have had no luck?” I asked.

“Well until I moved to California, I was totally in the closet. I'd have gotten my ass kicked every day in my little shithole of a town otherwise,” he said bitterly.

“So you had no one?”

“Well, I didn't say that,” Brian said. “I found places to go where I could hook up with guys, experiment. Lots of blue collar guys secretly fantasize about having a cute blond twink go down on them. Some of them even fantasize about fucking him. I made those fantasies come true.”

“So you just had random sexual encounters?”

“You make is sound so dirty. I guess I didn't grow up in a world like yours, where I could be myself,” he said. Clearly I'd offended him.

“On the contrary, my life has been very much like yours. I grew up in the Paris slums, and my mother was a whore. I started sleeping with men for money when I was a young teen. It was not until I moved to Claremont and found my father's family that I had a comfortable life,” I paused to let him digest that. “But I still fucked a lot of men there too. Just not for money.”

“Wow, you really were like me. So you must know how all this feels, going from having nothing to having anything, everything,” he said, understanding our connection now.

“I do. It is heady stuff. JP was the one who helped me adapt. But he really pissed me off at times,” I said.

Brian laughed. “What did he do?”

“He is not like he is now. Then he was a closed person, with shields to keep people out, like a man made of ice,” I said, remembering the old JP.

“He doesn't seem that way now. I mean, he's a little reserved and all, but he's pretty open,” Brian said.

“He has come a long way, and gone through a lot of pain, to make it to where he is now. I have seen a major change just since you came here.”

“Me?” Brian asked. “What did I do?”

“You forced him to open up and share his last big secret,” I said, ignoring the other one that would die with us, the part about his mother fucking André, Ace’s real father. “Now that he has nothing to hide, he does not have to be so guarded.”

“So what did he do?” Brian asked again.

“He took me on a tour of Claremont, took me to the bad side of town and told me how we had to help the poor people out. Basically a lesson on noblesse oblige. I'd just come from some of the crappiest neighborhoods in Paris, and no one helped me out, so here's this spoiled rich kid telling me how we had to be good and selfless. It did not resonate very well,” I said with a smile, remembering how he'd pissed me off. “He was all high and mighty, and I could feel him looking down his nose at me.”

“I haven't gotten that from any of you. I'm really surprised at how everyone has just, you know, accepted me as part of the family” Brian observed.

“Both of us, JP and I, come from a French heritage, where those values still dominate our thinking. There, family is everything. I think that over here we have tempered that to be more tolerant of others, and to accept people into our family who are not blood relations.” I paused. “But there is a price for that. Loyalty. You will find everyone is welcoming, and we will all love you, but if you screw one of us over, the penalties are pretty dire.”

“Sounds like the mafia,” Brian joked.

“It is, but without the killing,” I said, omitting to mention the dead bodies we'd left behind. Jeff. Deke. Bitty.

I felt big arms wrap around me from behind, and that familiar mouth on my neck. “Boo,” said Cody, as I jumped a little bit. I loved it when he did that, nuzzled up to my neck like that. I turned and kissed him passionately, then stood up with my pants tenting. “You're glad to see me?”

“Obviously,” I said. Then Brian stood up and turned around. Cody had only seen the back of his head before, but now he got the whole picture. “This is Brian, JP's half-brother. Brian, this is Cody.” And then I was irrelevant.

I stood there grinning, watching Cody take in Brian, and Brian take in Cody. Then their eyes met and locked, sparkling. I am not sure if there is such a thing as love at first sight, but if so, I was witnessing it. Brian was the first to pull himself together. “It's nice to meet you,” he said, holding out his hand.

“You too,” Cody said, taking it, and then holding it. I'd connected with guys before, really made a spiritual connection, but to see it in others, to witness it, was an incredibly intense experience. They stood there, Cody standing on one side of the couch, Brian standing on the other, totally lost in each other.

I watched Cody's expression change then, and get that serious glazed look, the look I'd seen when he'd first met Jackie and reached into her soul. The look he gave me when he read my mind. The look that made him seem like some Indian medicine man or something. But Brian looked back at him just as directly. “I've been looking for you,” Cody said.

“You have eh?” Brian said, flirting like I'd never seen before. Only this time it wasn't working, because Cody was dead serious.

“I've been looking for you, and you've been looking for me,” he repeated.

“How do you know that?” Brian asked, perplexed by this hunk that was making these pronouncements while holding his hand.

“I just do. I see things, I see people. I see their spirit,” he said. He gave the slightest tug of his hand to motion Brian around in front of him, and then Cody pulled Brian to him and planted a kiss on him. Tall, massive Cody and short, sexy Brian. “Come on,” he said.

They turned to head up the stairs and suddenly seemed to remember I was there. “Stef...” Cody said.

“Go,” I said emphatically. “Please. I have things to do. Go.”

“Go where?” Brian asked, gazing up at Cody.

“To my bedroom. I'm gonna fuck you like you've never been fucked before,” Cody said in his huskiest voice. Brian practically ran up the stairs.

I smiled and took out my cell phone. It only rang twice. “Hey there,” JP said. “I was just thinking about you.”

“You were?” I asked, flirting.

“Yeah. I miss you.”

I stared at the phone. Did I dial the right number? “I miss you too. You want me to come home?”

“Yeah. I really do. I'm sorry Stef. I know you have stuff to do down there. It's alright, I'll see you tomorrow.”

“I miss you too baby,” I said. I updated him on Brad and Robbie, plus the teenagers, Alejandro and Casey. “I think I may have just lost my assistant.”

“What? What happened to Brian?” he asked. I walked up the stairs and stood next to Cody's door. They were very loud.

“Listen,” I said.

“Oh fuck yeah Cody! Fuck yeah! Oh god damn it. You're gonna make me cum. I'm gonna fuckin' cum!” Brian screamed. JP started laughing.

“I think you may be right. I have to go. Remember that paper I'm presenting tonight? I have to get ready.”

I'd forgotten all about that. JP was doing a special presentation of his paper on the Vietnam War. He'd won several academic awards for it, and he was so renowned, such an expert on the topic, and there was a certain nostalgia now for the 60's, so they'd run out of tickets. I kicked myself for forgetting about it. I should have been there.

“You will do a great job like you always do. Hopefully there will not be a riot this time,” I joked, reminding him of our adventure at the University of Chicago in 1968.

“I think we'll be alright. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you Stef,” he said.

“I love you too,” I echoed, and then he hung up. I looked at my watch. 4:00. Traffic. Fuck. I knocked on the door and went in to find Brian and Cody naked, wrapped around each other enjoying the afterglow. They didn't even hear me come in.

“I am sorry to interrupt,” I said, finally getting their attention. Brian was gorgeous without his clothes on, but I forced myself to focus on their faces. “I'm heading back home. You can stay here for a few days,” I said to Brian.

“No, I should go with you,” he said, but he couldn't move, didn't want to move.

“Stay here,” I said firmly. “I will see you both soon,” I said goodbye to Brad and Robbie, taking just a minute to be with the kids. They were busy anyway; a greeting at this point was enough. Then I made Alejandro get out of bed and drive me to LAX. He bitched about traffic the whole way, but I had learned how to ignore him.

The pilots were ready and waiting; I'd called them before we left, but there were more maddening delays on the ground as we waited our turn to take off. Finally we were in the air. I was agitated the whole way; the plane could not go fast enough. The limousine was waiting, of course, and took me straight to Stanford. I looked at my watch. It was 7:30pm. He'd been talking for half an hour already.

I walked up to the doors of the auditorium and was stopped by a student, a cute young guy. “I need your ticket,” he said.

“I do not have a ticket,” I told him.

“Sir, this event is sold out. You have to have a ticket,” he said earnestly. I was about to tell him that JP was my partner, but I stopped. JP wasn't out to everyone; he'd been pretty discreet about his sexuality. I'd noticed that he made a point to hide it as much as he could. That didn't really bother me, but it made getting into the auditorium a bit harder.

Then again, there are always ways around obstacles. I tried to decide on the best option. I pulled out a hundred dollar bill. “I seemed to have misplaced my ticket. Will this suffice?”

He looked around furtively, then took the cash and let me in. I walked into the back and stood against the wall, watching JP talk about the horrible war that had so damaged him and the country. He was such a good speaker; he had everyone, including me, totally engrossed. When he was done, the standing ovation was deafening. It was like being at a rock concert. I saw his eyes scan the auditorium and then he saw me. I could tell immediately. Our eyes met, and he got a little smile on his face. I was so proud of him.

JP motioned for the crowd to quiet down. “Thank you all so much. I'm not used to applause. I usually don't get much in the classroom.” That got a laugh. His classes were famous for being good, but very hard. Kind of like JP, I thought playfully. “I received a lot of awards for my paper, and I had a lot of help with it along the way.” He went on to identify eight of his graduate students that had helped him.

Then he paused and swallowed, and I got nervous. He was going to do something. “I also want to thank my partner, Stefan Schluter. Without his love and support, I wouldn't have been able to publish this paper, and in fact, I probably wouldn't even be standing before you today.” He was staring right at me, and I had to force myself to smile and wave like they do at the Academy Awards as people clapped. I looked at their faces. The younger people didn't give a shit that JP was gay. The older people were grappling with it a bit more, but this was a university, and it really wasn't a huge deal.

What was a huge deal was that JP had finally knocked down his one last barrier. He'd outed himself, officially outed himself, on campus. Now with him, what you saw was what you got. As I headed up to the podium, fighting against the sea of people trying to leave, I could see the look on his face, the look of liberation.

When I got up on stage he stopped talking to the Chancellor and turned to me. “You made it back!”

“Anything for you,” I said.

“I love you, Stef.”

“I love you too, JP.”