If It Fits - 8. Chapter 8

May 3, 1995

“Oh yeah,” I cried as Cody slammed his big cock in me. Then I blew, one of those nice morning orgasms, and relaxed back into him afterward, asking him with my body to wrap his arms around me and just hold me while I finished shaking.

“So what do you want to do today?” he asked me, assuming I'd be spending the day with him. I liked his cockiness. Well, and his cock too.

“I do not know. Are you from Chicago?” I asked.

“No, Milwaukee. Pretty exciting place if you like beer and sausages. I moved down here after I was done with college,” he said.

“Which college?”

He lay on his back and pulled me over so he could look at me. “University of Wisconsin, Madison. And no, I didn't graduate; I only made it through half of my junior year.”

“Why?”

“I got bored. I’d fucked every fuckable guy in town, needed a new challenge. I decided to move to the big city, Chicago! Set the world on fire!” He was being dramatic now, and it was cute.

“Doing what?” I teased. “Fucking all the fuckable guys here too?”

“I'm almost done and it's only been two years. How's that for efficiency?” he teased back. “I'm almost done with this place. Time to move on.”

“You planning to wander aimlessly, or did you have some sort of mission in mind?” I asked sincerely.

“Is this the part of my fantasy where I tell you that I want to model, or be an actor, and you whisk me off to LA and hook me up with an agent?” he joked.

“Is that what you want to do?” I asked.

“I don't know,” he said.

“Well, if you're going to go down that road, you have to really want it. You do not want it, you do not make it, it's that simple,” I told him seriously.

“So is that how you made all your money? You some Hollywood director or producer?”

“No, my partner was a producer. He died last month. I made my money from real estate and venture capital,” I said.

He looked into my eyes, pierced into my soul with his blue orbs. “You're hurting really bad.” I nodded. He pulled me to him, holding me tightly. “He was a lucky guy.”

“So you say. He worked himself to death. I tried to stop him but I could not. If I were so wonderful, he would have spent time with me and not at work, and he would still be alive right now.” I sounded so morose. I thought I'd gotten beyond that.

“You really think that was about you?” he asked. “Think that if you want. I know you're wrong.”

I smiled at him. “You have fucked me four times and you are an expert on how I work?”

“Yeah,” he said, and gave me that cocky grin of his. “You think I could fuck my way into an acting career?”

“I've known a few guys who have done it,” I said.

“So you sleep with anyone I've heard of, you know, movie stars?” he asked.

“Rock Hudson. I fucked around with him a few times. And I dated Peter Gordon for a while,” I told him. They were both dead now, their sexuality exposed, so that was no big breach of confidentiality.

“You negative?” he asked nervously.

“Yes,” I said. “You?”

“Yeah. I'm pretty careful, plus topping's lower risk.”

“I started dating Greg before AIDS, and that saved me. He saved me. We were both sluts in those days,” I said wistfully. “But he tamed me, made me monogamous, and I dodged the bullet.”

“Seems to me that you saved him too,” Cody said. “Peter Gordon was hot. A little too old for my time. There was this one guy I used to beat off to all the time. You probably know him because he was French like you. Armand de Guiprey?”

I smiled. “I found Armand in Paris and brought him to the US. He was a distant relative and a good friend. His death was horrible.” I felt a tear roll down my cheek and he wiped it away.

“You ever fuck him?”

I laughed. “Several times. He was a fantastic lover, one you would have appreciated. Greg and I got the clap from him once, and after that we stopped sleeping with him.”

“So you really have done that, taken guys and helped get them started in LA?” I guess he didn't believe me before.

“I have. But they had talent, and they were willing to do whatever it took. I know you have talent, I just do not know if it is acting talent.” He laughed at that.

“Maybe I'll do pornos,” he joked.

“If that is what you want, go for it,” I said. “I think it may be better than selling cell phones.”

“So if I wanted to go out to LA for a week or two and check it out, could I stay with you?” he asked.

“Of course. I have lots of room.” The thought of having him around was definitely attractive.

“I don't need extra room. I'll just sleep with you,” he said. “So when do you want me to come visit?”

“I plan to be here for another couple of days. Fly back with me,” I said.

“How much will a ticket cost me?” he asked nervously.

“It is free. I have my own plane,” I said, laughing at his expression.

“No shit? Wow. You really are rich. So we could go anywhere?” I looked into his eyes, not the eyes of someone planning to take advantage of me, the eyes of someone who was dreaming.

“And if we could, where would you go?” I asked.

“Wow. Maybe Europe. London. Or Paris.”

“Do you have a passport?” I asked him. He shook his head. “Then you will have to stay in the US.”

“So like New York, or Miami, or San Francisco, or Hawaii? We could go there?” He was smooth. It started out as a “could we go” question, and it was fast approaching a “when do we leave” question. I didn't care. It would be fun to hang out with this stud.

“We could,” I told him. He just lay there, stroking my back, dreaming. It was adorable. I moved my mouth down to his nipple and sucked on it, then moved down lower still and gave him a blow job, a blow job like only I know how to do.

“I think maybe staying right here would be just fine,” he said, grinning at me.

“Have you traveled much?” I asked.

“Well, I've been to Illinois, Wisconsin, Michigan, and Minnesota,” he said. “So I wouldn't call that much, would you?”

“Come with me, spend a few weeks, we will have fun together. If you want to, after that, you can see if there is a career for you in LA. If not, come back here and I will help you land on your feet.”

“I couldn't take advantage of you like that,” he said. I knew he could, and I knew he would, he was just in a whole new world and didn't know how to play it. But I had money to burn, more than I'd ever need, so why not have some fun? He had come up to me in the bar and hit on me, fucked me, out of all the other guys there. That was worth something.

“You're right. You should wait around for a better offer,” I said sarcastically.

He rolled his eyes. “Give me a day to get my shit together, OK?” he asked.

“So we will leave tonight?” He nodded. “Well then, I will tear myself from your bed and go take care of business, and I will see you when?”

“Meet me at the bar tonight. I want to say goodbye to some of my friends. That OK?”

“Fine with me,” I told him. We took a shower together and he drove me back to Marcel's condo. He was too nervous to come in though. Those guys intimidated him.

“So you done with Cody the stud?” Marcel asked me when I walked in.

“No. I like him. He is fun.”

“He has a bad reputation. He picks a guy, plays on him for everything he can get, then dumps him and moves on to the next one.”

“I know that,” I told him. “I like him. He is fun to be with, he has a big dick, and he knows how to use it. I'm going to drag him along with me to see the West Coast.”

“I'd hate to see him take advantage of you Stef,” Marcel said nervously.

“Marcel, how is he going to take advantage of me? I am forty eight and he is twenty three. He is young and fun. He offers me happiness, and I can expose him to things he has never seen before. He will cost me some money. So what? I have more than I know what to do with anyway.”

“It's like you're hiring a hustler, an escort,” he said. Then he realized he pissed me off, that he'd gone too far.

“So? I was once a hustler. I would have loved it if some guy had shown me a good time, treated me well, and made me feel special. You are awfully judgmental. When did this happen? When did you become so high and mighty?” He could feel the rage in my voice, even though I wasn't yelling.

“I'm sorry Stef. You're right. I guess I was just worried, especially after that whole thing in Mexico. He's not a bad guy. Just a little cocky.”

“If he pisses me off, I will kick him to the curb,” I said. “But he is more vulnerable than people think.”

“What happened with Bruno?” Marcel asked, changing the subject.

“What do you mean?”

“He was looking for you and seemed really upset,” Marcel said.

“We had a nice time. We danced a few disco numbers and then a slow song came on. I asked him to dance and he turned me down, said he was too sweaty.”

“Maybe he was,” Marcel said, sticking up for him. “Maybe he just needed a break.”

“Another man asked me to dance instead, one dance, and by the time I was done Bruno was already gone.”

“Were things busy? He has a bar to run,” Marcel said. I was just feeding him these pieces, letting him defend Bruno.

“I do not know. I went downstairs to look for him. Everyone was pretty busy,” I said.

“So you found him then,” Marcel said. “Why was he so upset?”

“Because I found him in his office fucking some bitchy little twink.” Marcel's eyes got really wide.

“Well, maybe...” he said, starting to come up with some new explanation.

“Do not make excuses for him. You make me feel like shit about Cody, who only treated me nicely and respectfully, and then you make me feel like I should be all over this Bruno, who dances with me a few times and fucks someone else. I do not need you to run my love life Marcel. I can fuck it up on my own, and do a lot less damage than if I listened to you.”

“He just really seemed to like you,” Marcel said sadly.

“He only likes me when I am at least two or three feet away. When it comes to getting close, he has other interests. So there is the end of it. I'm going to pack up and head back down to the bar and pick up Cody, and then I'm going home.” I glared at him. He said nothing, so I grabbed my bag and left.

I got back into the limo and headed back to Cody's place. He could forego his goodbyes. I was so pissed off I just wanted to get out of town. My phone rang and I looked at the number. It was Max.

“Hello?” I couldn't hide how pissed off I was.

“Hey Stef. Marcel just told me you're leaving town. You got time to meet me for lunch? I wanted to at least say goodbye.” I sighed. How could I say no to Max?

“Alright. I will have lunch with you,” I said, stressing the word 'you'. I knew I was being bitchy, but I also knew I was right.

“You mind swinging back by and picking me up?” I put down the privacy screen and asked the driver to turn around. Fuck. Max was waiting out front and he hopped right in as we drove up.

“I'm sorry Marcel pissed you off,” he said. “I didn't want you to leave on bad terms, at least not with me.”

“Max, it would be very difficult to be mad at you. You are way too cute for that,” I teased, drawing some strength and stability from him. He grinned at me. We went to a little Italian restaurant in Evanston that JP used to take me to. That was a mistake. Reminding myself of him was not the best thing for my psyche.

“I'm sorry Marcel gave you shit about Cody. He's actually a pretty cool guy,” Max said. I just looked at him. “He and I are, or were, friends. We hung out at the bar, joked and shit. One night we were slow dancing and it got a little hot and heavy. Groping and shit.” He started blushing. “Then Cody kissed me. It didn't mean anything, just playing around, but Marcel got really pissed. Almost started a fight. So he's a little touchy where Cody is concerned.”

“That does not give Marcel the right to make me feel like shit for wanting to spend time with Cody. He is fun and I like him. Who I fuck, and who I spend money on, is none of Marcel's god-damn business.”

“That's ironic. I told him the same thing right before I called you,” he said, smiling at me. “Go have fun Stef. Cody won't make you happy, but he can numb the pain.” I felt myself caving then, letting Max into my mind, and opening up to him. I felt like I was in some sort of interrogation, where I felt the enemy squeezing info out of me despite my better judgment. Only Max wasn't the enemy. He cared about me. He'd just proven that.

“Thank you Max. And tell Marcel that I still love him, I'm just really pissed off at him and he's got some serious fucking groveling to do.” He laughed at that.

“I'll tell him. A good excuse to come visit this summer. He can grovel, I can surf.”

“If he brings you out, I will forgive him. That's a big enough present,” I said, flirting.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” I said, pretending it was no big deal.

“Why does Erik bother you?”

“You are digging into my soul now,” I said, not angrily, but cautiously.

“I'm sorry Stef. I didn't mean to pry. I just thought you might need someone to talk to.”

I sighed. “JP and I were a couple when I first moved to the US. When he first came to see his new condo, the one you live in now. I loved him then, he was my world, but I totally fucked it up. Before I could do anything about it, he moved on, started dating Jeff.” Max just nodded. He'd guessed or heard all this before. “Since then, we've been the best of friends, companions, lovers, all within the context of our existing relationships. Never exclusive. Never a couple. I told him many years ago that I would love to try again with him, to be together. And he said he'd like that too. That was in the 70s.”

“Wow. That was a long time ago,” he said. I nodded.

“So after Greg and I started having problems, I grew closer to JP. There was only that idiot Whist in the way, and I knew he was no match for me in JP's heart. Then after Greg died, JP was there for me, and I thought that maybe we could actually be a real couple. I really love him Max. I always have.”

“So what happened?” he asked.

“After Mexico I told him that I wanted to try to be with him, but he told me that he did not want to be my rebound. He said that if we were going to be together, and if it was going to work, I had to get over Greg first. And that made sense. I'm too emotional as it is. Look how I let Marcel piss me off. He's done idiotic shit before and it has not hit me like this.” We grinned at each other.

“And then JP met Erik,” Max said, getting it.

“I thought he would wait for me while I fucked around and got my shit together. How unfair is that? What an idiot I was. So while I was thinking with my dick, he was falling in love again. And Erik is perfect. He's great, wonderful, makes JP so happy. I could not break them up even if I wanted to. So I missed my window of opportunity again. And I feel so alone Max.” I felt a tear fall down my cheek and got pissed at myself. He wiped it away with his fingers, such a gentle caring touch. It was restorative.

“You give up pretty easy,” he said. “Kind of like me.”

“What do you mean?” I demanded.

“You just assume that he loves this Erik guy and you leave the field of battle, you surrender.” Max looked at me, a dramatic pause. “You can't win if you're not even fighting.”

“Our relationship is not like that,” I whined.

“That's an excuse. You're whining about this, and you still haven't gotten your shit together. Be comfortable in your own skin, with yourself. Heal your wounds. Then when you're ready to be in a relationship, decide if you want to be in one with JP.”

“You're saying that if I want a relationship with him, he will be there for me?” I asked in disbelief.

“Who wouldn’t? Stef, I know you joke with me and tease me because you like to see me blush, but you're an amazing guy, and I wasn't lying when I said that if Marcel wasn't in the picture I'd be all over you.”

“Really?” I asked, part of me not believing him, and part of me just wanting to hear it again.

“Really. I'd prove it to you but it would be a self-fulfilling prophecy, and Marcel would never forgive either one of us. Plus I love him with all my heart. But if that changes, JP better hope he's got you pinned down by then.” I grinned at him, then smiled, my ego soaring, my self-esteem restored.

“So you think I should take Cody home with me for a while?” I asked. It dawned on me that this was the first time I'd ever asked him for advice, at least that I could remember.

“I do. And I think you should make sure JP gets to meet him too. Cody's a fun guy, and I think you can do a lot for him, probably more than he can do for you, but you'll enjoy him. He's trying to be a big badass when deep down he's really not. He's trying to be a mercenary, and that's not him either.” I paid the bill and dropped Max off at home, giving him a big hug and a kiss. How ironic, in this situation, that the two guys I'd never relied on for emotional strength, Max and Robbie, were the ones who kept me the most grounded.

I pulled up to Cody's apartment, well; the limo did, and I walked up to the door. I knocked and got no answer, then rang the doorbell. I heard him scrambling around inside and then the door opened with Cody standing there in just boxers, looking magnificent. “Hey Stef,” he said nervously. He looked back over his shoulder. He wasn't alone, and that made him nervous.

“I'm sorry to bother you. I needed to get out of town a little earlier than I planned, so I thought I'd stop by and pick you up,” I said. He looked panicked, nervous, trapped. “Cody, you're fucking someone right now?”

“I did,” he said, and hung his head.

“That's fine. I'm not asking you to marry me. Go finish up,” I said. He smiled and opened the door, inviting me in.

“I'm sorry Stef. Most guys freak out about that kind of thing. I guess I just lumped you into that category.” He let me in and I sat on his futon and flipped on the television. I heard him talking to someone in the other room, and then I heard the voices get louder. I tried to ignore them and watched the news. More reports about the latest elections in France, where the misguided French people had picked Jacques Chirac as their next President. I'd had enough business dealings in France to know how corrupt he was. Now he was running the whole country. Poor France.

“You're throwing me out?” I heard a loud voice in the hall. “Fuck me for ten minutes then leave me high and dry. Asshole.”

“Yeah, but it was the best ten minutes you ever had,” Cody said in his cocky mode, giving him shit.

Then a young twink came out, the same guy Bruno fucked last night. “Oh it's you,” he said with a sneer. “God, you're old.”

“It is lucky for you that you are not, since youth is the only thing you have going for you.” I said. “I do not believe we have met.”

“I'm Chad, grandpa,” he said.

“Get the fuck out of here Chad,” Cody said. “He's more fun than you could ever dream of being.”

“You're just saying that because he's going to take you all over the fucking world,” Chad said in his bitchiest voice.

“I am. After we go shopping,” I said, looking at Chad's clothes like he shopped at K-Mart. “Cannot have him looking like you.”

“Yeah well, Bruno fucked me last night and not you,” he said.

“And that is a major achievement?” I asked him sarcastically. “Do not fuck with me. If I wanted you to be banned from the bar, you would be. It is that simple.” I stared at him. I hated bitches like him, so it was actually pleasant to get him all pissed off.

“Yeah right. As if,” he said defiantly.

“Shall we see?” I asked. “Who owns the building the bar is in?”

“Bruno,” he said.

“Guess again,” I told him. “That is the problem with youth, it fades over time, and then you're left with money, charm, and intelligence if you're lucky. Unfortunately, you will have nothing.” He gaped at me. “Cody, the limousine is waiting. You ready?” I asked him sweetly.

“Sure Stef. Give me a minute to grab a few things. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out Chad.” Cody vanished into his room.

“He'll use you to get what he wants, and then he'll dump you like a rock,” Chad said to me spitefully.

“You are so pedestrian. You think of relationships like you are still in high school. Are you?” I challenged.

“No, I'm 19,” he said.

“Then how is it you can get into a bar?” I asked him.

“I have a fake ID,” he said. What a dumb ass.

“I have a feeling they will be carding a little more carefully in the future,” I told him. “It's never good to risk a raid by the police.” He stared at me, his eyes huge, really pissed. “You were leaving, no?” He glared at me and stormed off in a huff, slamming the door behind him.

Cody came out with a suitcase. “I'm really sorry about that Stef.”

“It's no big deal. I am questioning your taste in men though,” I teased.

“He's a bitch, but Bruno likes him, and that fucker has pissed me off a few times, so it's my way of getting back at him.” Cody's eyes flashed with anger.

“And what has he done to piss you off?” I asked.

“He cock blocks me. Picks guys that I'm working and busts in. A friend of his told me that he used to be the big stud when he was young, and I make him jealous.”

“Well, that was then, and this is now. You are ready?” I asked.

“Can we still stop by the bar? There are a few guys there, friends of mine that work there. I only need fifteen minutes. And I won't fuck them.” He smiled, his teeth bright, white, and straight. We headed back to the bar and pulled up to the VIP entrance. Cody went off to see his friends while I wandered over to the dance floor, looking at the scarred surface.

“Hi Stef. I'm sorry about last night.” I looked up and saw Bruno.

“Why would you be sorry?” I asked innocently.

“I was hoping we could dance some more but I got distracted,” he said guiltily.

“That was quite a distraction,” I teased. “I met your boyfriend.”

“He's not my boyfriend,” Bruno said defensively.

“Well, I'm trying to think of a reason why a 19 year old man would be allowed into your bar then.” He stared at me, his mouth dropping.

“I didn't know he was 19.”

“You certainly do take time to get to know the men you fuck,” I teased. He tried not to get pissed. “I'm assuming he will not be around here anymore?”

“You telling me who I can let into my bar?” he asked me belligerently, trying to bully me.

“Did I tell you that I used to live in Chicago?” I asked. He shook his head. “I made a lot of friends here. Many of them were on the police force. Still are, as a matter of fact.”

“You threatening me?” he asked, even more pissed.

“Yes. I am. You may want to consider the possibility of a raid or two, or perhaps even daily. Who knows? But of course, if you are not breaking the law, you have no fears.”

“You're an asshole,” he said.

“You have no idea,” I said in a way designed to piss him off. And as if on cue, Cody came out and stood next to me. I put my arm in his. “You ready to go baby?”

“Yeah,” Cody said. I led him out then, glad to leave Bruno there stewing, and glad to cause more trouble for Marcel. “What was that all about?” Cody asked me when we were in the car.

“He was fucking your friend Chad last night,” I said. I could see how much that pissed him off, not because he liked Chad, but because he didn't like to compete with Bruno. “Seems he did not know Chad was only 19.”

“So what did you do? Call the liquor board?” Cody asked, laughing.

“Excuse me for a minute,” I said to him politely. I thumbed through my list of contacts on my phone until I found the number I wanted, then hit “talk.” I went straight through to his secretary. “Captain Mike Murphy please,” I asked. “Tell him Stefan Schluter is calling. I'm an old friend of his.” I knew Mike would answer.

“Hey Stef. God, it's been years since I heard from you. How's JP?”

“He's doing great, Mike. We both still live in California. You ever get out there?”

“Nope. Haven't had a chance,” he said.

“Well, here's my number, you call me next time you're there and you can stay with me if you're in LA, or JP if you're in the Bay Area. Make it a vacation. You can stay on the beach.” I gave him my cell phone number.

“Yeah, like you want me dropping in on you with the whole family,” he joked.

“Why not? We are used to having kids around, and we have lots of room. You will have a great time.”

“I might just do that,” Mike said. “So you in Chicago? Anything I can do for you?”

“I am, actually. I was here and went to a bar, the J-Bar. You know it?”

“Yeah, gay bar in Boystown.”

“Nice place. Some young guy gave me a bunch of shit last night, and I found out he was only 19. I did not know that 19 year old guys were allowed in bars here.”

“Maybe I should close them down,” he grumbled.

“If it was up to me, a few raids to shake them up a bit would probably do the trick,” I said nicely. “But I do not mean to tell you your business.”

“You in town for long?” he asked.

“I'm on my way to Meigs now. Would you like to do dinner when I'm back in town?”

“That would be great Stef. Call me.”

“I will Mike. And you call me when you get out West.” We hung up and I looked at a nervous Cody.

“Wow. That should fuck them up,” he said, smiling.

“I am a very nice man. I do things for people I like, and I bend over backward, well, and forward for my friends,” I joked. “But if people fuck me over, I'm ruthless.”

Cody nodded and smiled nervously, then kissed me. I don't know if he got the point, that the whole conversation, and the raids that Bruno would have to cope with, were my way of telling Cody not to fuck me over.