How I Live Now - 26. Day 44

Day 44

Work seemed to pass by at an extremely leisurely pace today. By lunch, I wanted to get off work and go home. Pretending I wasn't feeling great; that's what I told them to let me off the hook. Anything to just get me out of there. Unreluctantly my bitch of a boss allowed me to clock off without a fuss. Of course, I wasn't feeling sick. I'd been thinking about the fucking drugs all day. I thought about getting rid of them as quick as possible. I had a neat idea as I made my way home. I wondered what Matias was doing… and if he wasn't doing much of anything, maybe he could help me sell the stuff quicker. Removing my cellphone, I messaged him and waited for the traffic light at a crosswalk to change.

Kyle: Mon - 2:07 PM

"Wanna hang out… and maybe help me with you know what?"

I crossed the street once the little green man told me to walk on the traffic light, and I ducked into a store to buy something to drink. I went to the refrigerators at the back of the store and stopped in front of the glass display. Frozen to the spot, I peered at my reflection in the glass with sympathy. I really had come quite a long way in the last month. When I was standing in the airport back at home, I never imagined I'd be standing in a grocery store feeling blue. Home didn't seem like such a terrible concoction now when I had all this shit to contend with. Hell, I'd endure dads’ endless rants and the occasional beatings just to get out of this mess. Mind you… having my independence is a freeing notion. I got pulled from my trance when my cheap android chirped in my pocket. I removed it and scanned over the message on the lock screen.

Matias: Mon - 2:19 PM

“Sure, I’m in school right now. Will you be home later? I’ll go to yours.”

I grinned. WOW… Matias was actually in school for a change. He couldn't skip every day. Otherwise, people will start asking questions. Unlocking the phone, I started crafting my reply on the keyboard.

Kyle: Mon - 2:19 PM

"Yep… I'll see you then. Can't wait to see you."

I stared at the chatlog for a couple of seconds, hoping for a reply. It took longer than I anticipated. So, I removed a drink from the fridge, made my way to the counter, and paid for it. I kept my phone out the entire time; I didn't want to miss what he was going to say. When it vibrated… my heart literally jumped. I felt like I was in one of those fail cat videos where somebody puts a cucumber on the floor, and when the cat sees it… it scares the shit out of it. If my heart was the cat… Matias would be the cucumber. Err… When I say it like that… Does it sound weird? But that's the only way I can explain it. The message read:

Matias: Mon - 2:21 PM

"I know ;)"

It was short… usually, everything with Matias is brief and to the point. Yet… he never put emojis in our previous conversations. He gave an entire (#winkyface). Somehow seeing the winking emoticon made me feel all excited and apprehensive. Did that mean he was getting serious about our relationship? I don't know… I never asked him later in the day… and now it's bothering me.

The rest of the walk wasn't very eventful. I climbed the stairs to Doug's apartment and let myself inside. I had drunk the bottle of Mountain Dew I bought from the store on the way. So, I chucked the empty container in the wicker basket in my bedroom, kicked off my shoes, and scurried across to the toilet opposite my bedroom.

Returning to my bedroom, I launched onto the bed, crawled onto my back, and withdrew my cellphone. I swear… I stared at the message that Matias sent to me for probably an hour. It made me think of us as a couple. What would we be like as a couple? I found myself pondering. Are even a couple? I know his mom insinuated that we were when I was invited to dinner… but this question is a grey area. I figured… If this emoji was the beginning of our proper relationship… would that mean I should dress up when Matias comes over. What if… What if… we started kissing and making out? I could only imagine that it would be like an atomic bomb exploding inside my tummy. I wanted Matias there and then… but I had to be patient… though it didn't exactly help when I got horny. I began to think about all sorts of weird shit… like how good he'd kiss me? How his tongue would connect with mine… and we swap saliva. Or the hot grinding into each other. Maybe he wore jeans to school…. Matias in baggy blue jeans is a whole mood. I can only imagine how defined his abs are from playing baseball. All I could picture was my hands sliding up under his shirt, rubbing his washboard stomach, and that was all it took for him to assert his dominance. I assume he's big down there… or if he's small… I guess that's okay too. Though all that thinking only aided my horniness. Eventually, I was powerless to resist the primal urge to abuse the noodle, and after the splashing had subsided… I went out like a light.

Groggy, I woke to the buzzing of the doorbell. Rousing, I noticed the mess all over the front of my pants. I freaked… It had to be Matias stopping by. I don't know why I did it, but it seemed like a valuable idea at the time.

"I'll be right there…." I yelled out the bedroom door.

I stripped down to my underwear, grabbed a towel from my wardrobe, and kicked my soiled clothes under my bed. I ran across to the bathroom, ducked my head into the sink, and turned the faucet on. It wet my hair a little, and that was enough to give the impression I just got out of the shower. I raced up the hallway afterward, opened the door, and Matias stood on the doorstep, looking me over quizzically. Letting him enter, he shimmied into the foyer with a plastic bag in his hand. My first: Did this boy just bring something to eat? I smelt curry.

“Do I smell food?” I said.

Shutting the door, Matias giggled. Aw… I like how he has this kittenish behavior and can be quite bashful. Holding up the bag, Matias nodded. Right then… I figured that he could not get much more delightful than bringing food. He obliviously cared.

“Figured you didn’t eat… neither did I … so, I got a takeaway from the Chinese a few blocks over.

I grinned… Matias gave a coy smirk.

"You're getting dressed?" Matias asked.

I completely forgot that I was standing in the hallway with the towel. So, I backed away… feeling my cheeks and ears burn.

"Eh... Yeah… You can set up in the kitchen…." I added.

Scarping back to the bedroom, I rummaged through my dresser drawers and took out some clothes to wear. Drying my hair a little, I tossed the towel by the door and made my way back to the kitchen. Matias was standing at the countertop, dishing out the food. It smelt soooo good. I didn't realize how hungry I happened to be. So, I took my plate to the table and started digging in. This was the one time where I didn't mind the food-crazy Matias. I got another free dinner.

With full bellies, and the dishes washed up, we took some of the balls of heroin from under the shower and divided them up between us. Matias reckoned that splitting up was a solid idea, meaning we'd cover more ground apart. So, I agreed glumly. It would have been nice to do this drug selling together and talk and just hang out. Maybe it would have been a bad thing… I might have gotten lost in those eyes of his if he hung around. Matias went to another location, and I took up residency under the bridge, hoping to find more buyers. We'd meet up after… Matias said he had a surprise for later. He told me to focus on selling the few packages in my possession. And as I offloaded the heroin, all I could think about was meeting with him afterward.

It was dark out when Matias came rocking up to me. I’d had officially sold all the drugs in my possession. He looked so happy with himself.

“What?” I asked.

Matias grinned; he dug into his jacket pocket and turned the innards out. There was nothing in his pockets. It meant he sold everything too, and I guess that was neat. Somehow seeing his progress made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It didn't seem as bad as I thought it was going to turn out. Another day or so, and we can officially forget all this ever happened.

"I sold all mine too…." I said.

"Really?" Matias added; he seemed puzzled.

“Eh… Yep,” I replied.

His face lit up, and he held out his hand for a fist bump. This was new, but I obliged him in the act.

"Oh, before I forget…." Matias said.

He scanned around to make sure it was safe, and he removed the money from the sales. He handed it to me; I shoved it deep into my pocket with the rest of the crumpled bills I earned tonight.

“We go have some fun, so?” Matias added.

Nodding, we started back up the path alongside the bride. Matias fixed his drooping jacket pockets, and we crossed at traffic lights on the junction, making our way downtown. I never imagined that he'd bring me to an arcade. It felt very vintage. Like where you'd go on a date in the mid-90s. I'm not saying that it wasn't good. It was good. Just… I assumed he'd have been searching for another food stall along the street. YOU know how he is with food. When we walked inside, the cranking of pinball machines chiming attacked me like an exploding water balloon upon impact. Off in the corner, I overheard some soundboard provide the "GAME OVER" tone… like the Hollywood trailer guy. It was stifling under the harsh lights, combined with the body heat of another 200 teenagers. Not forgetting the stale sweat lingering in the air… but I grew accustomed to that smell after a while.

We went to the concession booth, bought some tokens, and started our round of the games on offer. It was challenging to get to any good stuff. Younger kids were gathered around popular games like air hockey and the dance machines. Kids were either standing and watching or waiting to play. So, we decided to go to the lesser-known stuff, and in the back, we found this two-player car racer. Nobody seemed interested in it, so we took it over. I never played one of these, and it made me pretty anxious to try it out. There were two screens, two seats, two gearboxes, and a set of wheels for two friends… or lovers to compete. I don't drive…. I haven't even gotten my license. It just never happened… things were always a mess at home… or I was too busy to try. So, going into this game… I knew I'd suck. I had no previous knowledge of racecar games. But I tried all the same. So, we each took our places, put our tokens into the slot in the middle, and started racing. It was expected. I lost, of course, but seeing that I was having trouble shifting between the gears, Matias actually talked me through how to go about it. Our second try was much better. Not that the little bit of advice helped me win, but I did feel like I understood how to drive better.

Every time I glanced at Matias… there was this glint in his eye. It's so touching. It felt like I wanted to get sick. Seeing his competitive side turned me on… no joke. I got hard on a few occasions just watching him get in the mood. I even considered going to the toilet just to rub one out. But I stayed because he was so animated. Yeah, he'd trash talk me when we were racing head to head… but it mainly was fun stuff. He'd insult me by saying passive-aggressive stuff, which I found kinda humorous. Eventually, we called it quits and decided to head home. The evening was lovely, but it hadn't any intention of ending yet.

We got to the apartments, and Matias asked if he could come up. So, I agreed. Somehow the elevator wasn't working, so we started climbing the stairs. When we walked into the stairwell, the automatic lights blipped on, and we rose to the first level. We ascended another landing, and just as I opened the door to my floor, Matias pulled me aside and quite literally pushed his lips to mine. I was shook. It happened so suddenly, but at the same time, every neuron in my brain was screaming for attention.

Yelling: 'HE JUST KISSED YOU!!!'

Unsure of what to do, I just rested against the wall. Well…. I've never had someone kiss me… and that was… unexpected. Matias's lips were incredibly soft, and he did kiss all sloppily. It was actually a pretty pleasant kiss. As quickly as it happened, Matias just straightened out his clothes and opened the door for me. It was so odd… now he was acting like nothing just transpired. It was our first kiss… and Matias initiated it. So, it obviously meant that he had a thing for me.

"W-What was that?"

Matias shrugged… “Just thought I’d kiss you.”

HUH…. It confused me. What if he got the signals wrong, and I was straight for all he knew.

“What if I was straight?” I added.

“You don’t stare at me like a straight boy?” Matias teased. The sunshine in his smile came out to grace me with its warm rays.

Stare… I found myself pondering.

“And what way do I stare at you?” I stated.

Matias grinned.

"Like how I look at a rib-eye, baby potatoes, gravy, carrots, and sweetcorn."

I chuckled… and Matias did that standing around thing. Do you know where a guy just stands around awkwardly, rubbing his arm when he is nervous? Yeah, that thing. It makes Matias oddly adorkable in the cutest of ways. After that, we went inside. Matias got a drink of water, and not long after that, he left for home. It would have been nice if he kissed me again. Not that I told him that… but yeah, it would have been nice. I waited until he got home to go to sleep. He sent a message to let me know he made it back safely, which brought my day to a close. Despite the drug selling, everything went remarkably well. I don't have much to complain about. I'm going to turn in now, so, yeah.

Talk soon,

Kyle