Puppy for Sale 3.19 - Life After Greenstone - 10. Chapter 10 - It's Got to Stop

"What's the urgent call about?" Steven asked me as I went into his room and closed the door.

"Where are Mum and Dad?" I asked quickly, marching over to his window, an image in my head that they could get home any minute.

"They're out for dinner! Puppy, what the fuck?"

Steven had his arms stretched out wide, no top on. Fuck, I loved his body and everything about it. His skin was blemish-free, a natural tan due to his dark complexion. Wiry black armpit hair hung scraggly, bushy, lickable. I wanted to bury my face in his musky odour. But I couldn't I thought, as I shook my head instinctively, squeezing my eyes shut.

I hoped he hadn't noticed.

"Sit down," I finally said, trying to wash away my indecent thoughts. Steven did as he was told and slung himself into his computer chair, swivelling around to face me. Again I looked at his black course treasure trail that ran from his belly button to his black Adidas shorts.

"Are you horny or something? What the fuck are you gorping at?"

"What? Oh, nothing. Look, This conversation is the only time I am going to say this. Whatever happens, I will still live here; how we get on will be up to you. But know this," I said, pointing. "If you choose to be a dick or immature, then that's on you."

Steven gulped, pulling his chin in, staring at me. "Fuck, have you killed someone?" He asked, serious.

"No, don't be stupid."

"Then why are you so keen Mum and Dad are not around, and why the big intro?"

I sighed and sat on his bed. "Steven, you and me? Well, there is no you and me. There never will be, and there can't be. So I'm saying right here and now that whatever was going on, had gone on... well, it's done, finished, over, ceased to exist, out of the question."

"Yeah, you made your point," Steven almost shouted as I rambled. "So is that it? You rushed all the way over here, called me in a panic to tell me something I already knew... something you always tell me, and then we end up having sex anyway?"

"NO! No, Steven, I mean it. I've spoken to Cindy. You know, a real heart-to-heart, and she did a crazy music, soothing voice thing in my ear while I was laying on her bed. She made me realise my life is a mess."

"Puppy, you're life has been a mess since you were born and went to that kid prison; what's changed now?"

I got up and paced the room. "Space! I need space, and... and, and space away from guys full stop. I wanna get my life in order. I wanna study hard, catch up, you know. I wanna... I wanna pay off my car and save money. But most of all, I wanna move back home and for us to be... well, normal. Like brothers. Like the old days."

I sat down again, probably looking manic. I felt manic. Like manic the way I used to feel. Unbalanced. Kinda crazy... bat shit crazy.

Shut UP, BRAIN! I screamed inside.

Steven clapped his hands and got up. "Fine with me, Shithead. You wanna drink? Coke perhaps?"

He walked out, leaving me sitting in the evening light that shone lazily through his window—the long Autumn days still hanging onto enough heat so you could leave just a t-shirt on and shorts.

Steven returned a few minutes later and handed me a tall glass with real coke and ice cubes. Then, he sat back in his swivel chair, rested the glass on his desk in front of his Mac and turned to face me again.

"You know, our story? Well, it's boring. I've been thinking too, and I think you are totally right."

"Huh? How? I mean, when do you think seriously, you can just about tie your shoelaces?"

"One thing you know about me, Puppy, is that I like to live the simple life. We're both nineteen, free and single. We have a good family, money, a roof over our head and some decent friends. Us?" he prodded his chest, "Us, well, we need to fuck this thing off we had."

I nodded to his speech. Crazy as it sounded coming out of his mouth, but in any sense, it was certainly making my life easier. The room went quiet for a moment as we just looked at each other. I stared deeply into his eyes, wondering what his mind was saying to him. He looked tense, almost rigid, his lips pursed. I had to say something.

"Thanks,"

That was all I could think of.

"For what?" He asked, immediately looking more relaxed, even surprised, maybe.

"Dunno. Perhaps just for being so understanding. I thought this was going to go horribly wrong."

Steven sighed. "Look, Shithead, I knew this would come around sooner or later. The way you were acting. I knew each time it happened, you were getting more screwed up and... and well, so was I. You might not think it, but I do have a conscience. I do think about Mum, Dad... other people... like friends, and stuff."

I laughed. "You mean you're gonna try and attempt to lead a straight life?"

"Maybe, maybe not. I haven't decided yet. But I'm not where you are, Puppy. You had it easy. You came out of that Kid Prison with a blank slate. All people have ever known is that you are gay. Do you know how hard it is to have led a certain life up until it changes? All people have ever known me as, is straight. Okay, and kinda macho and shit."

"So you can't be gay and macho? Look, my point is Steven. You are who you are. Just because you're gay, it doesn't make you weak."

"Well, I feel weak. And I don't really like guys. Not that much anyway. Just you."

"So why me?"

Steven blew air through his lips and looked up at the ceiling, stroking his hairy leg with his other foot.

"We got close. Like real close. Brothers. I actually got to like you even though we got off to a rocky start. You make me laugh; you help me with personal stuff. You're just a great person, and then you tried it on with me, and I was... well, I was horrified at first, but then something seemed to happen in my head."

"Like what?"

Steven shrugged. "I dunno; it was like it didn't gross me out. And... and I dunno if that's because we were so close, and I knew every crazy bit of you. But with you being gay, and knowing that you liked me. Add that to the fact that you always seemed to give me an ego boost. Phuuuf, I dunno. I can't explain it very well. It just is what it is with you, okay?"

I nodded and smiled. "Sure, listen, I get it. Look, Stevie, I dunno how you're going to resolve who you are, and I also don't know if you should, or shouldn't know by now. Just be in the shell you're comfortable with. But don't fight whatever comes out of that. If you do, it's just gonna eat you from the inside."

"Yeah, I know."

"Erm, maybe... maybe try out a couple of guys, see how you like it. Maybe try a couple of girls and see if that... well, stimulates you."

Steven grinned. "Fuckface, this really ain't helping. So shut the fuck up!"

I giggled a bit and gave him a soft look. "Hey, what's the craziest thing you ever did when you were young. Like before you met me?"

Steven gave me a sideways look and winced his eyes. "Why?"

"Just tell me, I'm interested. I wanna know the you, before me."

"Well, I guess the craziest thing... hmm," Steven stopped and stroked his chin. "I guess it was when I went on a school trip. Yeah, that one."

"That was it? You went on a school trip?" I gave him a bored look and folded my arms.

"If you'd let me finish, I would have told you more."

"Okay, go on."

Steven began to smile. "So we went on this school trip. I was fourteen. I know that because I remember what the number one song was on the radio because they kept playing it. Anyway, me and a few of my friends were sharing this dorm. There were six beds... a tiny room. Anyway, we all decided to bring thongs on the trip, and...."

"Hang on a minute. Thongs?"

"Yeah, like male thongs. They're like really stringy underwear that just hold your cock and balls, and the string bit goes in the crack of your ass."

"Stevie, I know what a thong is. I'm just wondering why you had one on your trip."

"Well, you see, we had a bet. I think it was only for a fiver, but it was to see who could bring the smallest and most colourful thong. But the rule was we had to wear it for the three days we were away."

"Okay."

"Yeah, so anyway, my mates and me thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of the dorm in our thongs and head for the beach. Uh, we were on this water trip to learn about trawling, kayaking, and sailing—stuff like that. So anyway, we were staying in a boat club with these dorms as I remember it. So yeah, we went down to the beach in the middle of the night in just our thongs and smoked some dope."

"Oh God," I said, covering my mouth with both hands.

"Yeah, we got absolutely mangled on this green, and there we were, sitting by the water singing songs in thongs. Next thing we know, a mad teacher is marching towards us, face like thunder. The whole building is awake. The teacher is screaming to get back inside as he comes toward us. The rest of the chicks and lads are at their windows now, awake, staring at us, coming back in these tiny string pouches. Every kid on the trip was crying with laughter. The six of us were baked off our tits, almost naked. Man, it was such a hilarious night. I'll never forget it. I almost got suspended... we all did."

"That's kinda funny. And so you!"

"Whydya ask me that anyway?"

I shrugged. "Just to lighten the topic of conversation. I needed to calm down."

"Did it work?" Steven asked, sitting forward, his elbows on his knees.

"Yeah, it worked," I replied, letting out a sigh.

Steven got off his chair and came over to his bed, sitting beside me. Then, strangely for him, he put his hand in mine and gently squeezed. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Since when do you ever ask permission to say what's on your mind. Remember that's why I was out before I needed to be?" I smiled, matching his own grin.

"Do you ever think about Hunter?"

I looked down with what I could feel was a serious expression.

"Like, all the time. But not in the sense of thinking about him. I think about what will happen when he gets out... which is pretty soon."

"Are you worried?"

I looked up at Steven. "Wouldn't you be?"

Steven shrugged and squeezed my hand again. "Listen, any shit from him, and I'll put him on his ass, okay?"

"Pffft, I don't want more violence, Steven. No more anger. I'm just worried about what he will do with himself. Taylor and me are on really good terms, so I know he'll let me know he's okay."

"Why do you care?"

"Are you serious? Steven, we were a couple. I was in love with him. And yeah, I know he's done some bad things and has an anger issue, but you can't just turn off those feelings for someone."

"Well, maybe you can't, but I never trusted the fucker."

"You have the right to your opinion; that's all I'm saying on the matter. Although, of course, we don't agree on all aspects of Hunter, but...

"He's a fucking dick!"

"BUT, I still have a right to care about his well-being. Some of this stuff is water under the bridge anyway. It's done. And yeah, I'm as angry as you in some respect, but I can't hate him. Fuck, I don't hate anyone. Not really. Well, Maybe Mrs Bates, my old teacher in Greenstone. Yeah, I hate her.

"Who?"

"Never mind. You wanna get take out?"

"Sure thing. I call first dibs on Pizza!"

"Anything is fine; I'm starving.