Ash's Marriage Trigger - 11. Chapter 11- Drop a Heart

“Drop a heart, and break a name…We're always sleeping in and sleeping for the wrong team~”

"Ugh, can someone please just change that station already?" Ash grumbled. He once loved that song more than anything and sang it at the top of his lungs. An image of a young Cove joining in as he hopped onto their battered sofa with a bottle of water as a microphone forced its way into the forefront of his mind. Ash desperately shook his head as if trying to dislodge the memory.

Whoever said that time flew by faster when one was having fun did not work a corporate job. Ash had to admit that if it hadn't been for the distractions provided by the Mitchells once or twice a week, he'd never have managed to train the new employees as close to a tier 2 level as possible. He had mixed feelings. On the one hand, he hoped none of the new employees caved under pressure so that his training efforts would not go to waste. On the other hand, he wouldn't blame them if they resigned due to the high volume of tasks they would need to perform only a month into their new jobs.

“Whatever happens, you already did your part,” Michael pointed out after he took a sip from his glass of lemonade. He had invited Ash and Brittany to join him for lunch. “You’re not responsible for the company’s high turnover rate.”

“I agree,” Brittany added as she stabbed her spork into a slice of cheesecake. “Not everyone can handle daily suffering like we can.”

Ash opened his mouth to respond to that but then closed it back up when he couldn't think of a response that wouldn't bring all of their spirits further down than they already were. So, the people who quit around them just couldn't take it? Were they supposed to stick around and suffer like the rest of the staff? He didn't fully buy that.

“Your department head’s nowhere near as good as ours when it comes to…well, everything.” Michael boasted. “If mine goes, our whole department goes.”

“Your department really has job security,” Brittany responded as she rested her chin on her hand. Her elbow was on the table, but she was in good company that wouldn’t call her out on bad manners or for speaking her mind. “Sometimes I wonder if I’ve been a secretary for so long that it’s just become who I am.”

"No, the younger generations have it right. A job is a means to pay the bills, not who we are. I'd be torn between relief and added stress if I were fired," Ash admitted. If he were let go, he'd no longer stress about work. But he'd be concerned about having enough money to pay rent for a few months. "May I crash at your place for a while if the worst happens, Mike?"

"They're in the middle of painting our complex. Marc and I've been crashing at Seth and Liam's," Michael stated. Both he and his husband were staying at his brother's place, so they wouldn't be around to inhale the fumes while the paint dried. "So, try not to get fired for at least a week."

“Great,” Ash replied sarcastically. “If I get fired this week, I’m homeless.”

"Haven't you been on good terms with Coven lately?" Michael prompted.

“His name’s Cove…but whatever it is going on with us has no real label yet," Ash answered. If he was smarter, he'd keep the Mitchells at arm's length. Ash had been more adventurous in his so-called love life not two months ago. So what if some of him knew that he only wanted to date other people to stop thinking about Cove? Every new kiss had helped him forget him last time, right? Fuck. Had he ever truly forgotten him? “If I were a single dad with a little kid, I wouldn’t allow just anyone to move in, anyway.”

"Oh, to be the only single one at the table," Brittany bemoaned as she twirled around the spork in her hand. "You know you're both basically just showing off your relationships in front of me right now, don't you?"

"You're younger than both of us, Brit. You'll find someone soon." Michael countered as he held up his left hand to show off his wedding band to tease her further. "If I weren't already married to the love of my life, I'd have risked being called a lesbian just to go out with you."

The long-haired man had been mistaken for a woman many times. Hell, even his current husband confused him for a girl the first time they met. So, for Michael to risk such a thing again spoke volumes.

"Aww, really?" Brittany cooed. While Ash was gay, Michael was bisexual, which meant that the compliment was genuine. If someone as gorgeous as Michael said he’d had given her a chance, then Brit could still turn a few heads. "I feel better now."

"That makes one of us," Ash sighed as he checked the clock on the restaurant's wall. "It's time to head back."

While he had barely managed to survive the countless tasks his boss kept adding to his plate, it always felt like he could never catch up. So, when they finally got back, Ash was dragging his feet. The three of them only took three steps into the building when the copper-eyed man was summoned by his department head.

“BARREN!”

"You know you can still report him to HR, right?" Michael whispered in concern.

“I’ll be alright,” Ash responded as he fussed with his shirt collar. “See you both later.”

Ash walked past the long desk at the entrance and headed towards the east spiral staircase. He'd worked at the company long enough to know that it took the same time to reach the second floor whether one used the stairs or the elevator. His boss was already out in the hall, so he was probably hovering as he waited for Ash to return from lunch.

“Have a seat.” Mr. Bowman instructed.

"If it's about the new employees-"

"It's not. Those five have been doing well, all things considered," Bowman dismissed with a wave. "I wanted to talk to you because the company's charity auction is around the corner. It's held on a Friday for some preschool or another this time. The CEO requested for you to give a presentation."

Ah, the "if you willingly volunteer, it'll help you climb the corporate ladder" carrot on a stick. Ash knew that he didn't have to take on the added tasks, but the event felt like a change of pace. His workload on Fridays was usually the lowest. Taking on the charity event would cost him little.

"I'll do it," Ash affirmed.

::::

I can't do this, Ash thought to himself as he walked towards the building.

When he imagined a preschool, he didn't think it would be nearly the same size as an elementary school campus. The Director had assured him over the phone that he'd only have to give his presentation to one classroom, but Ash couldn't help but already feel intimidated in a school full of children Ashley's age. When a bucket swing set caught his line of vision, it reminded him of a time when his nephew ended up getting stuck in one of those. Ash had to help carefully lift him out without the kid suffering a hit to the family jewels.

No tots were running amock anywhere outside, so he assumed they were all indoors. Ash took a deep breath as he held his briefcase in one hand and took hold of the cold metal door handle with the other. But he still hesitated. After several seconds which felt like the length of minutes, he finally made his way into the entrance hall.

Hand-drawn pictures lined the upper walls above small rows of lockers. A teacher's aide walked down the hall with a kid that was undoubtedly doing the "potty" dance. That child had more unintentional rhythm than most grown adults. Ash turned to see an area labeled Admissions and greeted the secretary at the front desk. She had him wait in one of the chairs, and the copper-eyed man began to drum his fingers on the side of his briefcase.

"Perfect timing, Mr. Barren," a petite woman greeted as she held a hand towards Ash. "I'm Director Patel. We spoke on the phone earlier."

"Nice to meet you, Director," Ash responded.

"Most children start really remembering interesting events at around four years old," the Director explained as she led him down the hallways. "And while having different guest speakers every day for an entire week might not be interesting enough for them to remember years from now, if each guest manages to grab the attention of just one of them, I consider that a victory."

"What kinds of speakers have they already had?"

"Speakers from a variety of careers and backgrounds. A male nurse, a female CEO, an autistic artist…."

“It’s like an extension of career day,” Ash commented. “I’m not sure what kind of impression a gay insurance claims manager would give.”

"Plenty. I was a full-time accountant before I became the Director of this school. Not only did my skills in accounting help me with budgeting here, but it's also made me aware of how much I can live without to live the best version of myself."

"I imagine making the decision to live on a smaller salary was difficult," Ash commented.

"If the pros outweigh the cons by a lot," she countered. "Then making that decision can be the easiest part. We live happier lives when balanced. However, I want the students to be aware that a career is something they can choose for themselves regardless of what pressure and limits they're given at home. All skills are needed, big and small."

While Ash had expected to leave a school building having learned something new, he hadn't expected to relearn about work-life balance and parent peer pressure. He thought about his studies as he grew up. None of the Barren siblings had been raised to bring failing grades home. Any grade under a C was unacceptable. Ash had treated his career the same way, working hard regardless of company or position, because quitting was unacceptable…or, at least, that's how it seemed. Ash had never thought to question it before. However, he didn't have a chance to dwell on that train of thought because Director Patel opened the door to one of the classrooms and began introducing him. Ash heard a familiar voice calling out as she was about to mention him by name.

“Bigger-me!”

Instead of her usual two braids, Ashley's hair was pulled back into a bun that day. The scrunchie that crowned that bun was the same peach color and fabric as the ruffled shirt she wore. Ash knew she wore white pants and shoes because she rushed from her desk to hug him. Before visiting the school, Ash had to undergo Safe Environment training and even had to be fingerprinted. So, while he was unable to return the hug while in that professional setting, he gently patted her on the shoulder in greeting when she pulled back.

“I see you’ve already made an impression on one of our very own,” Director Patel mused aloud.

"He showed me the difference between squares and rectangles!" Ashley supplied.

"Is that so? Mr. Barren, could you share what you taught Miss Mitchell with the class?

As Ash’s face heated up with embarrassment, he realized that all those times he was called on in class as a student was nothing compared to having been called on to teach a lesson in front of a class. “I…wouldn’t want to impose.” He replied.

“Nonsense, our teachers are always ready for a break.” the Director refuted. “Isn’t that right, Mrs. Peláez?”

The classroom teacher in question handed a green dry-erase marker to Ash. “By all means,” she urged.

Ash could barely hold back a groan as he turned towards the clean whiteboard and drew a loaf of bread followed by a slice. "Alright, how many of you enjoy cheese slices?" A grin formed on his face when a dozen tiny hands shot up in the air.

"The first commercially available, shelf-stable, sliced processed cheese here in the US was introduced in 1950 by a Canadian named James L. Kraft. We eat them in cheeseburgers and grilled cheese sandwiches…." Ash continued as he drew a slice of cheese inside the piece of bread. "And they fit nicely within a slice of bread. But, when you look at a slice of cheese by itself, you realize it is square-shaped. A cheese slice has even sides."

He used the eraser to get rid of the bread, leaving the cheese alone on the board. "If you place another slice of cheese next to the first slice of cheese…." He explained as he drew another slice and then erased the center line that divided them. "They then form a rectangle together. These are the much longer slices of cheese that big guys like me would like to eat."

“Miss, I’m getting kinda hungry,” a little boy in the middle of the classroom commented.

“So am I,” Ash added. “If long, rectangle-sized cheese slices were common, I might even eat two of them." He drew another rectangle beneath the first and then erased the line that divided them. "And two rectangles together…."

“Make a square again!” Ashley cried out enthusiastically.

“Cheese Inception,” Mrs. Peláez murmured only loud enough for Ash to hear. He nearly burst out laughing.

"Thank you for sharing such a unique perspective," Director Patel responded. "Students, Mr. Barren is here as one of our guest speakers this week. Behave well and give him your undivided attention, and there will be snacks for everyone after his presentation."

“Class, what do you say?” Mrs. Peláez prompted.

“Thank you, Director Patel!”

Ash wasted no time in giving his presentation. He paused after every minute or two to answer questions to the best of his ability. Some of the questions were off-topic, but he did his best to answer those, as well. The class of four-year-olds surprised him with their grasp of management and the corporate ladder in general. To them, it wasn't much different than a student following instructions given by the Teacher's Aide, who helped out the Teacher, who, in turn, answered the Director.

“You did great,” the Director admitted when he finished up.

Ash took a final sip from the apple juice box he had been given after the presentation and shook his head. "I'm sure you tell that to all your guest speakers. I'll count two bathroom breaks and no serious injuries as a win."

"No, they really had fun with you," She affirmed. "It's not easy to keep and hold a four-year-old's attention, let alone 12 of them in one sitting. I'm impressed."

“I think I got by with a little help from my friend’s daughter,” Ash confessed as he motioned towards Ashley.

“Call it what you will,” the Director ceded before walking away.

As the students were being picked up by their parents or relatives, Ash wondered if he should do Cove a favor and bring Ashley home since he wasn't working that day. But, before he asked the teacher what the procedure was to sign a kid out, Todd Butler walked into the classroom. His skin was darker than Ashley's, and he had dark brown eyes and curly black hair. The younger man wasn't the most handsome of his peers, but his friendly demeanor earned him more than enough attention. He was his brother Sage's best friend and Ashley's uncle. Ash had mixed feelings towards him because he was the one who had introduced Cove to the woman that became his ex-wife.

“As I live and breathe,” Todd commented as he lifted Ashley into his arms for her to give him a big kiss on the cheek. “Barren Solo!”

“I have a name, and that’s not it,” Ash retorted.

“Yes, but why confuse little Ashy here?” Todd countered.

“I call him Bigger-me!” Ashley provided.

Todd’s face scrunched up as he tried to hold back his laughter. In the end, he let it rip. The sound was downright annoying in Ash’s ears.

"No kidding!" Todd exclaimed between gasps of air. "That fits so well. I just can't even!"

“Why do you say that?” Ash questioned as he tried to squash down his irritation.

"Yours was the name that sparked hers," Todd explained. "There my sister was, refusing to hold her own baby, let alone name her. So, while little Ashley was in her dad's arms, I prompted him to give her a name."

Ash felt a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. “There’s no way my name came to him as a first option,” he argued.

"Well, a song came on from down the hallway, which must have jogged some kind of memory for Cove 'cause he said your name in the form of a question," Todd continued. "I didn't even realize that by "Ash?" he meant you, but the name Ashley popped into my head, and Cove agreed on it immediately with the most vomit-inducing dopey smile on his face."

The fluttering feeling in Ash's stomach intensified. What the fuck? Who thought of his ex while holding his firstborn baby in his arms?

“The song…” Ash asked through gritted teeth. “Do you remember what song it was?”

Todd made a face as he thought. "Shoot, I think it was…that one song by Fallout Boy…something about-"

“Sugar, we’re going down?” Ash supplied, the words heavy in his mouth.

“Yeah, that one.”

Ash found himself rushing out of the building without saying goodbye to anyone and nearly diving into his car. Cove was far from the area, especially not if he sent Todd to pick up his daughter. But the copper-eyed man still felt the need to escape. Was it Cove, the Mitchells in general, or was he trying to outrun his memories? No, if he was more honest with himself, it was old wounds he was trying to hide from.

When he got home, he finally heeded his older sister Siena's advice and booked an appointment with his therapist.