A Twist of Faith - 1. Chapter 1

“In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

There was a chorus of people replying “amen” as the service concluded. The next several hours were a blur of condolences. It was a relief to be alone finally.

Evan stepped onto the small balcony and leaned on the railing, breathing deeply, savoring the quietness of the night around him. He held his head in his hands and exhaled slowly. If anyone had told him a year ago that he would be where he was now, he would have told them they were crazy.

His new reality was that he was a twenty-eight-year-old widower and grieving father, trying to make sense of the pieces of his life that were lying fractured and shattered around him.

Last year, he and Megan discovered they were having a baby, a surprise that excited and terrified them. Looking back, he knew deep down they were ready. Starting a family had always been on their agenda.

All that was gone—torn away in a split-second by a distracted driver who T-boned Megan’s Ford Escape, instantly killing her and their two-month-old son, Rory. During their funeral, he fervently prayed it was he who was in their place. His prayers went unanswered.

Even now, prayer didn’t seem to comfort him as it once did. Sitting in church felt awkward. He found himself questioning everything he believed in. Why was God so cruel? Had he done something horrible to incite His wrath? Megan was a beautiful soul who gave so much of herself to others. Rory was an innocent baby. His baptism was held only two weeks before the tragedy. What did he do to deserve this?

***

Five years later

“Hey, hon, could you add Italian seasoning to the grocery list? We’re out, and I want to make a batch of meat sauce."

Evan nodded and kissed Drew’s cheek. They met four years ago and had been together for the last two. Drew was the director at the town’s Community Center, where Evan started volunteering as a way to get out of the house that was too quiet. He was drawn to the Center’s LGBTQ+ outreach programs. As a teenager, Evan was attracted to guys and girls. Megan had knocked his socks off the moment he laid eyes on her on the first day of his freshman year of college. They hit it off at an ice-breaker event; the rest is history. It saddened him that all he had left of her and Rory was history.

Drew didn’t ping his radar until after he’d been volunteering for over a year. It took a few more months before their paths crossed more than a passing ‘hello’ in the hallways. Drew later admitted he had his eye on Evan from the first day he saw him. Evan had been too wrapped up in his grief to notice.

It was all water under the bridge. They got to know each other at the Center, then gradually expanded their interactions to include activities away from there. The relationship evolved so seamlessly that it was months before they realized they were dating and had committed to exclusivity.

Drew officially moved in two years ago, and they were happy. It aggravated him that they couldn’t get married in the Catholic church. Other religions recognized gay marriage, so why couldn’t Catholics? Drew said he would be okay with a civil union, but the idea sat funny with Evan. Besides, Drew didn’t attend Mass with him, so a church ceremony wasn’t high on his list of priorities.

“Anything else you can think of besides the usual stuff we need?” he asked.

“No, I’ll text you if I think of anything. Thanks for making the grocery run. I don’t know why the regional director feels it’s necessary to spring his visits on us unannounced and then schedule last-minute meetings.”

“Well, good luck with that, and try not to let your face talk for you.”

Drew laughed as he grabbed his keys, phone, and wallet from the counter. “I’ll try to keep my resting bitch face from getting me fired.”

Evan wrapped his arms around Drew’s waist and kissed him soundly. “Fat chance of that. They’d have a hard time finding anyone who can do your job as well as you. Love you!”

Drew gave him one more peck on the lips. “Love you, too. I gotta run!”

Gathering his phone and wallet, Evan searched for the keys that should have been on the counter. Where the hell did he leave them? A short search located them in the living room. He needed to stop getting distracted when he came in the door. It wasn’t his fault Drew sidetracked him with a welcome-home blow job last night. He needed to bring home Chinese food more often.

He knew a lot of people who didn’t like shopping for groceries. It wasn’t the case for him. He enjoyed it. It provided a mental break by giving him a specific task to focus on. If he squirreled, it was usually the direct result of well-placed double-stuffed Oreos or an irresistible display of tempting pastries. If there was one thing he couldn’t control, it was his sweet tooth. Today proved to be no different. He swore an Entemann’s cream cheese Danish jumped into the cart by itself.

Evan balanced the scales with an assortment of fresh fruit and vegetables. He knew his metabolism wasn’t the same as when he was twenty, so he limited the sweets to a few items each week. Drew shared his love of sugar, and they policed each other. He lost count of how many times they called each other out for finishing the last of the cookies or ice cream. So far, he kept his weight within fifteen pounds of what he topped the scales at in college when he was in peak condition. Drew carried a bit of a spare tire, but Evan didn’t mind. He loved his man for who he was, not his appearance.

On the ride home, he sang at the top of his lungs, rocking out to Lynyrd Skynyrd. No one would ever convince him there was a better genre of music than classic hard rock. Back at the house, he asked Alexis to play his favorite playlist, a mix of 70s and 80s hard rock and hair bands.

He was thankful he bought a house with an attached garage. It was August, and the heat and humidity were brutal. He understood why snowbirds high-tailed it out of Florida for the summer. Evan owned a landscaping business. He knew firsthand the harsh realities of working outside in temperatures that exceeded one hundred degrees when you factored in the ‘feels like’ condition.

Saturdays were his day to run errands like grocery shopping. Drew did most of the house cleaning. Evan helped with laundry and cleaning the bathrooms, which Drew hated. It was a good trade-off as he hated sweeping and mopping floors, and Drew didn’t mind. They usually worked together to knock everything out, so the rest of their day was free, but today’s meeting threw a monkey wrench into their schedule.

Evan finished putting away the groceries, cleaned both bathrooms, threw in a load of laundry, and then swept the floors as a favor to his partner. The mopping could wait. He just finished swapping clothes from the washer to the dryer when he heard the garage door rumble along its tracks. Their laundry room was adjacent to the garage, and he smiled when Drew opened the door.

“How did it go?” he asked.

“Mostly good. Roger was pleased with everything he saw. The main reason he showed up was the budget. They have to cut funding for the senior programs. Attendance is so sporadic it’s not fiscally wise to fund the programs year-round. The most popular programs like Sit and Be Fit will continue but will be scaled back to twice a week during the off-season. On a happy note, funding for the youth programs is increased. It’s not a huge amount, but it will allow us to add a few more groups to the schedule, provided we can find enough volunteers.”

“You can count me in. You know that, right?”

“It’s why I love you.”

“Oh! Is that the only reason?”

Drew winked. “Eh, you might have to convince me of a few others.”

Laughing, Evan hugged Drew and led him into the kitchen. “Are you hungry? I held off on lunch, hoping you’d make it home. I can fix us sandwiches.”

“That sounds good. I’d like to discuss something that came up at the meeting with you. I’m going to change my clothes while you start on the sandwiches. Be right back.”

Drew returned wearing shorts and a tank top with a picture of the Tasmanian Devil that read, In my defense, I was left unsupervised. He finished building his sandwich and sealed the cold-cut bags before putting them in the fridge with the leftover tomato slices and lettuce. Drew grabbed the can of Pringles and brought both plates to the table.

“So, what did you want to discuss?” Evan asked as he stacked a few Pringles on top of the ham and cheese and then crushed the bread down.

Drew shook his head at the mess, but did so with a smile. “Roger wants our Center to test pilot a new program for kids in foster homes. The idea is to give them a place to air out any issues they might have within the system. You and I know the system is broken, and kids fall through the cracks every day. The goal is to be sort of the first responders in cases where the foster child might not feel comfortable going to their social worker or if they can’t get in touch with them right away.”

“I love that idea!”

“How would you feel about fostering?”

Evan’s eyes widened, and his breath hitched. Ever since he lost Rory, the idea of parenting a child gave him anxiety.

Drew must have read the panic on his face. “Hey, if you’re not comfortable, it’s alright. I didn’t mean to spring it on you out of the blue. I thought that maybe it might be something you were ready to consider. If that’s not the case, I understand.”

The silence hung heavy as Evan seriously thought about why the idea of fostering sent him teetering on the edge of a cliff, pinwheeling his arms. Could he do it? They didn’t have to foster an infant. He knew without a doubt he wouldn’t be able to handle the emotions of doing so. A teenager, however, was a different story.

“I’m sorry if it seems like I freaked. I guess for a moment, I did. I might need a little time to wrap my head around it, but the idea of fostering an older child isn’t scaring me like I thought it would.”

“We don’t need to decide right now, but I’m glad you’re willing to consider it. I know how hard it was for you to lose Rory and Megan.” Drew’s gaze was soft and understanding. It was one of the reasons Evan loved him. The day he confessed to losing them was when he fell in love with the man. Drew validated his rollercoaster of emotions and never made him feel bad for missing them. He listened whenever Evan felt like sharing his old life. His two short months with his son were the happiest he’d been. Slowly, Drew was bringing that happiness back.

“I have an idea you might like. It might be a good way to ease into fostering.”

“Lay it on me, love.”

Drew’s grin brightened his whole face. He was handsome in a classic, young Marlon Brando way. There was an air of sophistication about him that lent an air of mystery to him. “We can apply to the Big Brother program.”

Evan let the suggestion percolate for a couple of minutes. Drew waited patiently, not pushing for a response. He discovered he liked the idea. The kids at the center were fun to work with. Volunteering for the teen groups was his favorite.

“I think we should do it,” he finally replied.

The look of pure joy on Drew’s face made him happy.

“Are you sure?”

Evan smiled. “Yes. I like working with the teens and pre-teens at the Center. I think it will be good for us and whoever we’re matched with.”

Drew stood and retrieved his cross bag from the kitchen and pulled out his laptop as he returned. “I was hoping you would say that. I spoke to our area director, who sent me the online application link. We can fill it out together.”

Chuckling, Evan knew Drew had already pre-filled all the parts he could. He wouldn’t be surprised if he only needed to sign on the dotted line.

The application was more detailed than he imagined. When everything was complete, Drew’s finger hovered over the enter key. “Last chance to back out.”

Evan gently pushed Drew’s finger down. The screen went blue, and the little circle spun around for several seconds before a message popped up.

Sent.

It took another month before Declan, a coordinator from Big Brothers, reached out to let them know they were approved. He had a teenager in mind who he thought would be an excellent fit for them. They scheduled a meet and greet for the following Saturday at the Center.

Jordan Williams was a gangly fifteen-year-old who was mixed race. His sapphire eyes stood out against his mocha skin. He was tall for his age, already six foot. When he smiled during their introduction, metal braces gave him a slightly geeky look. He remained quiet as Declan gave his mandatory speech.

Jordan opened up once the Big Brother coordinator left them to get to know each other. “Do you guys really have jet skis?” he asked excitedly.

Evan nodded. “Yep, and as long as it’s okay with the program, we’d be happy to take you out. Do you like the beach?”

“I love it! I take the bus to Coquina Beach a couple of times a week when Mom’s busy. I’ve walked the whole length of the island.”

“That’s quite a distance,” Evan remarked.

“Yeah, it’s over seven miles from the pier to the channel across from Longboat Key. Mom doesn’t want me to swim when I’m by myself. I do, but only when the lifeguard stations are manned. There’s been a lot of red tide this year, so nobody is swimming. Instead, I walked.”

“How long did it take?” Drew asked.

“About four hours. I stopped a lot. I like finding cool shells.”

The three guys talked for over an hour. Jordan was an intelligent kid. They found out his full name was Jordan Larry Williams. He was named for two of basketball’s greatest players, Michael Jordan and Larry Bird. His mom thought it was cute to name him after one black and one white player because she was black and his dad was white. At a young age, he discovered he was not cut out for the sport. Even though he had the height, he couldn’t dribble for shit.

Jordan attended St. Ignatius Catholic School on a special scholarship for disadvantaged students who showed academic excellence. His father was serving two consecutive life sentences for a double murder. He hadn’t seen the man since he was incarcerated when Jordan was three. His mom was a home health aide. The money was enough for them to have a roof over their heads, food on the table, and pay the necessary bills. At the end of the month, there wasn’t much left over.

When their time was up, Evan and Drew proposed picking him up every other Saturday for an outing. They exchanged phone numbers so Jordan could call them whenever he wanted to talk. Evan gave Drew a side look when he saw Jordan’s battered phone. At Drew’s slight nod of acknowledgment, he knew they’d be stopping at the T-Mobile store for an upgrade.

The first Saturday they spent with Jordan, they took him shopping for new clothes. While in good condition, nearly everything he owned was purchased at thrift stores. There was nothing wrong with that, but kids needed brand-new things occasionally. Evan knew it boosted his self-esteem when Jordan’s eyes lit up when he tried on a new pair of jeans. He didn’t need much as he wore a uniform to school. He and Drew spoiled him with two pairs of jeans, one light and one dark, three pairs of basketball shorts, and a half-dozen t-shirts.

When they found out Jordan wanted to join the school’s marching band but couldn’t afford the additional costs, they arranged to cover them as a sponsor. It also meant he would have to take a band class and need clothes for performances, so they added a pair of black dress pants, a long-sleeve black button-up, and shiny black dress shoes.

Jordan’s tears were the only thanks they needed.

Lorraine Williams insisted on having them over for dinner as a thank-you for taking Jordan under their wings and especially for stepping up and sponsoring his band dues and purchasing the needed clothes. She was as petite as Jordan was tall. It was obvious the boy did not inherit his mom’s stature. Conversation during the meal was lively, and by the end of the evening, Evan and Drew knew they made a lifelong friend.

Evan had a phone call from Jordan one evening as the fall semester neared the midterm. “Hey, buddy. What’s up?” It wasn’t often the boy called during the week.

“Can we get together one night? I need some help with a term paper for my religion class.”

“Sure. How about Thursday? I can meet you at the Center. I’ll bring my laptop so we don’t have to sign up for one of the computers.”

“Thanks, Ev. I appreciate it.”

They talked briefly, getting caught up on each other’s week. Evan arranged to meet Jordan at four o’clock. He would need to leave work early and shower as he reeked at the end of a hot day and didn’t want to create a hazmat situation. In compliance with the Big Brother program’s guidelines, he and Drew agreed to never meet with Jordan alone and always take him out in public. In today’s day and age, there is an overabundance of unsubstantiated false accusations. While he didn’t think Jordan would ever do something like that, the truth was, they didn’t know him well and vice versa. It was for everyone’s protection.

Jordan sat at a table in the study room, waiting, with several books stacked in a neat pile beside him. As Evan got closer, he saw they were all related to religion.

“Hey, sorry I’m late.”

Jordan looked at his new Galaxy and said, “You’re only five minutes late. It’s no big deal.”

“So whatcha got there?”

Jordan slid a rubric across the table as Evan sat down and opened his laptop. Glancing at the project outline, he saw that it stated the specific steps the teacher wanted the students to follow to score the highest grade.

“I have to choose one of those controversial topics and give specific reasons for my opinion. I know which one I want to do. I’m just afraid of the backlash I might get when I reveal my side of the argument.”

Evan took a closer look at the list of topics– Democrat or Republican, Pro-life or Pro-choice, For or Against Gay Marriage in the Catholic Church, Mandatory Vaccinations, Censorship in Social Media, For or Against the Death Penalty, and Arguing the Existence of God.

“Wow, your teacher either wanted you guys to think hard, or he wanted you to start a fight. None of these topics are cut and dry. Which one are you leaning toward?”

“That’s why I need your help. I want the last one, only I want to argue the non-existence of God.”

Evan shook his head. “I can see where that would go over as well as a fart during Communion.”

Jordan laughed and then sobered. “I know it sounds weird, but I don’t believe God exists. I should, seeing how I go to a Catholic school, but I think most kids only go because their parents make them. I'd be in a public school if I didn’t have the scholarship. You were raised Catholic, so I figured you’d be the best person to help. I know in my head what I believe. I don’t know how to write it down.”

Before responding, Evan gathered his thoughts. Jordan looked concerned when he saw his eyebrows draw together. He hadn’t told the boy about Megan and Rory. Not because he was hiding it but because it just hadn’t come up.

Finally, he spoke. “Before I was with Drew, I was married. My wife and our two-month-old son were killed in a car crash. Up until then, I was a devout Catholic. My beliefs were firm. We were very much involved with our church’s activities and organizations. Now, I’m not so sure. I still go to Mass, but it feels different. I would very much like to hear your arguments for why you believe God doesn’t exist.”

Relief washed over the boy’s face. “Thank you! We have to do an oral presentation and read our essays to the class. I’ve been worried about which topic to choose. I’m sorry about your family.”

Evan nodded, then redirected the topic back to Jordan’s project. “They’re all pretty tough topics. How about you do your research and have Drew help you with anything you get stuck on? He has a keen eye for grammar. When you finish the paper, you can practice the oral presentation with me. It will be your job to sway me toward your views. How does that sound?”

“As long as Drew is okay with helping, it sounds great. Mrs. Taylor already posted the dates for the orals; mine is November nineteenth.”

“That gives you almost three weeks to research, write, and make any edits. Make sure you follow the rubric so you don’t lose points.”

When they stood, Jordan threw his arms around Evan in a huge hug. It struck him how quickly the kid became an important part of his and Drew’s lives. He knew his partner wouldn’t mind helping Jordan with his paper.

Sure enough, Drew updated Evan on Jordan’s progress. The boy stopped in the Center after school most days to work on his report. The only complaint Drew voiced was that he didn’t remember rubrics being so complicated. It seemed to him each step had to be carried out with laser-like precision.

Jordan announced he was done the Saturday before the project’s due date and wanted to read it to Evan. They agreed to meet at noon at the Center, and when finished, he and Drew would take Jordan out for lunch.

Evan and Drew arrived before Jordan. Drew needed to address a scheduling issue with a volunteer. When Jordan strolled through the double doors, he seemed confident. They settled themselves comfortably in the study. Drew had the advantage of already seeing the essay. It was Evan who needed convincing.

Jordan stood at the podium Drew had brought in earlier. Clearing his throat, he read, “Why There Is No God, by Jordan Williams.”

Looking up to assure himself they were paying attention, Jordan continued, “There are approximately two-point-four billion Christians in the world, making them the single largest religious sect on the planet. Islam follows with one-point-eight billion. Hinduism is a close third with one-point-one billion believers. Combined, the following seven highest denominations don’t come close. Buddhism, five hundred million; Shinto, one hundred-four million; Sikhism, twenty-five million; Judaism, fourteen million; Taoism, twelve million; Confucianism, six million; and Caodaism, four-point-four million.

“Where do atheists fall on this scale? Current estimates are between five hundred and seven-hundred-fifty million. Unlike organized religions, there is no way to account for them accurately. There is no gathering place where someone walks quietly up and down the aisles counting heads. One thing is fact– their numbers are increasing. According to a 2020 Gallup poll, in the United States, the percentage of people who identified as belonging to a religious denomination dropped from seventy percent in nineteen-ninety-nine to forty-seven percent.

“Around the world, in addition to the top ten religions, hundreds of other groups share similar beliefs, such as Native American tribes who worship a Great Spirit, African traditional religions, Wiccans, Animism, and satanic worship. Which of these is right? They can’t all be. One thing is certain– they can all be wrong.”

Jordan paused to let the statement sink in before continuing. “This brings me to my first argument: organized religion doesn’t follow rules of logic. If you ask a Christian why they believe in Christ, most will give you a vague answer. ‘Because I was brought up to believe’ or ‘The bible tells me to’ are often cited. These sentiments are subjective. Some will recount a perceived miracle. Can these so-called miracles be replicated? No, because as humans have discovered with the advancements of science, historical events that were once considered miracles have a proven, scientific explanation. We have technology that allows us to establish the Earth is not flat. In 2014, Smithsonian Magazine published an article with one scientist’s reason for the parting of the Red Sea. The plagues in Egypt have known causes. For example, the Nile River turning into blood could easily have resulted from Burgundy Blood Algae. This algae would have attracted frogs and flies. Insects would have flourished in that environment. It’s a known fact that insects can transmit diseases to livestock and people. Symptoms of some diseases include boils.”

Looking up again, Jordan engaged Evan, drawing him with direct eye contact.

“Next, I’d like to state that God is not necessary. We know there are isolated civilizations, such as indigenous South American tribes like the Awa, Guarani, Kawahiva, and Yanomami in Brazil, who have no knowledge of any god. These people have a moral code. They recognize right from wrong and have clear punishments for those who break their laws. They came to these conclusions without instructions from a higher power. They do not fear an unseen deity to impart wrath upon them.”

Jordan looked at Evan again. Part of the rubric dictated that the speaker maintain consistent eye contact with their audience. So far, Jordan was on the right track.

The boy glanced at his notes but recited the next part, with only a minimal need to check them. “It can be said that religion, in general, is restrictive. Believers must follow the rules and rituals in nearly every denomination—failure to do so results in a negative impact. For example, in the Roman Catholic faith, if someone breaks one of the ten commandments, they risk being condemned to Hell for all eternity. There are seven deadly sins that, if committed, must be atoned for before one’s soul will be admitted unto the Kingdom of the Lord. Revelations 21:8– but the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. Judaism and Islam restrict certain foods. They are labeled ‘unclean’ for the sole reason of having cloven hooves and not chewing their cud, as noted in Leviticus 11:7. We must ask why God subjects man to these rules and regulations. The devout will tell you it is to bring you closer to God. Is that a valid reason?

“This brings me to my biggest question for those devout believers. It’s a question to which there is no answer. Why does an ever-loving God allow so much suffering in the world? I find it difficult to wrap my head around the concept of God sending his son to absolve us of our sins and then allow the atrocities that permeate the very fabric of every country in the world. We are taught that God is benevolent and loving. So why does he allow our world to wallow in suffering? Thousands of people die daily due to murder, starvation, and ravaging diseases such as cancer. Lives are torn apart due to drug overdoses, drunk or distracted drivers.”

Evan’s breath hitched. He would never get used to the pang that tore through his heart whenever he was reminded of Megan and Rory. Jordan gave him a sympathetic smile before moving forward.

“If you ask a priest or other clergyperson why God allows suffering, they will probably tell you something vague such as ‘God works in mysterious ways’ or cite the capacity of man’s free will. So, in short, these people believe with utter conviction that the God they worship and adore should allow his followers to be raped and murdered– that it is acceptable for a two-year-old to die in excruciating pain from a brain tumor. God can destroy entire cities in floods and earthquakes, and yet, they will defend him in the Lord’s Prayer, ‘thy will be done’ without questioning the logic of it.

“For those who do not believe in any deity, they are capable of living good lives. They are free from the hindrances and restrictions placed upon believers. They are free to make decisions based solely on their own merit. No one is forcing them to follow edicts that are outdated and handed down from an archaic time. They are not bound by the fallacies created by ignorance and superstition.

“In closing, I am not suggesting that any of you renounce your faith and become atheists. I hope that I have provided some food for thought. Confirmation bias is the process of becoming so focused on trying to prove your point that you become blinded by the opposing evidence right in front of you. It works both ways, which is something we shouldn’t forget. Thank you.”

Evan sat back, stunned. In less than ten minutes, Jordan articulated everything he’d been feeling for the past five years concerning his faith. Throughout his years attending Mass and participating in church activities, he heard countless testimonials of those who had drifted away and then had a defining moment of clarity, calling them back to the faith– a so-called ‘come to Jesus’ revelation.

It felt as though the opposite just occurred. Evan saw with crystal clearness the absurdity of blind faith. There was no God. He felt it in his heart. Everything Jordan said made sense.

Drew leaned over and whispered, “Are you okay?”

He nodded and looked at Jordan, who shifted nervously from one foot to the other. “That was incredible. You’ve given some thoughtful insights and well-thought-out arguments. I can tell you didn’t just string this together. Your research is clear and precise. Have you noted your sources according to the rubric?”

“Yes, Drew looked everything over, and we checked each item on the rubric. I didn’t miss anything. What did you think of how I presented everything?”

“I thought it was well-paced. You annunciated clearly and were easy to understand. How you kept looking up from your paper shows you know the material. I think your teacher will be pleased.”

Jordan beamed. “Thanks!”

“I told you!” Drew declared triumphantly. “Now, let’s get something to eat. I’m starving.”

Evan was quieter than usual as they sat in a booth at Applebees. Drew bumped his leg under the table. He gave his partner a reassuring bump in return, then pushed the swirling thoughts in his head to the back of his mind. He could discuss them with Drew later.

They enjoyed their lunch while talking about all sorts of things. Jordan rambled on about his classes and how he hoped a certain cute blonde girl would be in the same ones again next semester. It was refreshing listening to the boy. It brought back memories of Megan and their years in college together.

Evan was surprised the memories of Megan and Rory didn’t provoke the same feelings of sadness as they once did. It was as if letting go of God freed him from the guilt of missing them. That was something else he needed to hammer out with Drew.

When they dropped him off at his home, Jordan thanked them for lunch, and they wished him good luck on his presentation the following Tuesday. Evan had a feeling he would be practicing his speech all weekend. He was a good kid.

Later that night, as Drew slipped beneath the covers beside him, he said, “Tell me what you actually thought of Jordan’s report.”

“I think it was phenomenal.”

“How did it affect your beliefs? Drew reached for his hand, which lay on top of the blanket, and kissed his knuckles, making him smile. He loved the little things Drew did to show his love.

Evan bit his bottom lip and hesitated to find the right way to express his emotions, finally saying three simple words. “He swayed me.”

Drew’s eyes widened, and his eyebrows nearly touched his hairline. “Wow! I didn’t expect that.”

“Neither did I.” Evan chuckled at the absurdity of it. A fifteen-year-old high school sophomore convinced him there was no God. “I’ve been questioning everything ever since I lost Megan and Rory. Jordan gave a convincing argument. I’d been deluding myself for years because the church brainwashed me into believing their ideology was the only correct one. I think I got so involved with the church when Megan was alive because I was trying to convince myself that if I were a good Christian, I’d feel the divine joy so many others spoke about. I was searching for a unicorn.”

“And unicorns don’t exist. I’m sorry. It must feel like you’ve lost something important again.”

Evan looked into Drew’s pretty hazel eyes. They were so different from Megan’s bright blue ones. He loved his wife with every fiber of his soul, but Drew balanced him in a way she couldn’t. There was no comparing the two. It wasn’t possible to measure an apple against an orange. Putting aside his belief in God meant reanalyzing his other views. His heart wanted to imagine an afterlife where Megan and Rory were waiting for him. His brain told him otherwise.

“Faith has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Forsaking it isn’t a decision I came to today. I only finalized it. Even as a kid, I questioned things. In high school, I drove one teacher crazy by debating the existence of Purgatory for the entire class. I threw her lesson plan out the window. My classmates thanked me profusely. It was rather entertaining.”

Drew laughed. “I can picture you doing that. You must have been quite the little shit.”

Evan snorted. “I could be. There were worse culprits.” Sobering, he said, “What surprised me the most today was how I felt about Megan and Rory.”

“What do you mean?”

“When Jordan told us about the girl he liked, it made me think of Megan and how we were in college. Of course, I thought of Rory, too. For the first time since losing them, I didn’t feel sad, and I wasn’t guilty about it.”

“Hmm. I’m going out on a limb here because my psychologist’s hat is in the wash, but maybe your guilt is tied to your Catholic upbringing. From what I know, Catholics can out-guilt every other religion out there.”

“Even Jewish mothers?”

Drew threw his head back and laughed. His mom was a non-practicing Jew, but she had guilting down to a science. “Even mine!”

When his laughter died down, Drew finished his thoughts. “Maybe by letting go of God, you let go of any guilt you still harbored. I know you still miss them; sometimes, I can tell you hold back mentioning them. Is it because you don’t want to hurt my feelings? Maybe. Whatever the case may be, it’s okay. Losing them was the ultimate twist of fate. Without it, there wouldn’t be an us. Part of you may have felt guilty about it because your religion told you you should feel guilty. I won’t mention that we can’t marry in the Catholic church.”

“You just did.” Evan smiled. Everything Drew said made sense. It tied in with the information Jordan presented in his report. He felt like he was born again, only in reverse. It wasn’t a twist of fate. It was a twist of faith.