Seaside Entries - 11. There’s no going back

“Where to?”

“To the Nightingale restaurant, please,” dad said as he slid into the car, taking the back seat beside mom. I took the passenger seat. Since all of us were most likely going to be drinking, no one wanted to be the designated driver, so we ended up calling a taxi.

I couldn't stop squirming in my seat as we drove through town. The suit mom bought me was definitely not made to be worn while sitting in a car… or while doing anything else. It was best left for being looked at in a shop window or a magazine. But I couldn't deny, it looked good on me. I just wished it felt as good.

“You're going to tear that out if you keep fiddling with it like that.” I heard mom's voice from the back. I immediately pulled my hands away from the jacket button I'd been playing with. How did she even notice?

“What's gotten into you? You're so fidgety, it's like you're the one getting married.”

“It's… This suit. It’s too tight.” I turned toward the window so she couldn't see my face. I couldn't care less about the wedding, but if Leo was going to be there, I couldn't miss it. I had to find a moment to talk to him. The thought filled me with dread. Not because I wasn't looking forward to it, but because I didn't know how he would react. Still, I had to try.

“I said we should've gotten him a bigger size,” dad said.

“The size is fine!” Mom was quick to shut him down. “You just need to break it in.”

“Yeah, not a good idea to wear it at a wedding for the first time,” I muttered.

“What else were you going to wear? Your wetsuit?”

“I had options.” I really didn't, but admitting that would be admitting defeat.

I checked my phone again, looking at the time. The restaurant was outside of town, and the road had never seemed longer. The entire drive, my eyes were fixed on the right side of the road, counting the trees that blurred as we zoomed past them. And when I would lose track, I’d start all over again.

When I finally got bored of tree counting, I opened a game on my phone and started playing, sliding the puzzle pieces this way and that, trying to complete the image. I was so engrossed in the game that I barely registered when the car door opened and dad stood just outside. I looked up and realized the car had stopped. We’d finally arrived.

“They’ve renovated,” mom commented as we walked the stone path to the restaurant, a one-story building with tall windows and a white facade. I had to take her word for it because I couldn’t even remember the last time I visited the place.

It was easy to tell a wedding was taking place. Dozens of cars were lined in the parking lot to the side, while the large entrance gate was decorated with a massive flower arch and fairy lights. Over the top, but I guess that’s what weddings usually are.

The reception wasn’t in the building but outside, in the garden behind the restaurant. The weather was nice, and there was a lot more space outside, so it only made sense. I let out a sigh once we entered the garden and saw dozens of people had already arrived. The place was packed. Had they invited half the town?

“Oh, there you are! It’s so nice to see you!”

A middle-aged couple seemed to appear out of nowhere, ambushing us soon after we entered the place. The Lowells. They exchanged hugs and kisses with my parents, their voices going three octaves higher as they expressed their joy at finally seeing each other.

I rushed through the greetings, eagerly turning my attention to the crowd. I had a mission. My eyes darted across the faces around me, looking for the only one I wanted to see.

I don’t know if it was coincidence or some kind of sixth sense (for those who believe in that sort of thing), but it was like I could feel it. Someone watching me to my right. I turned around and my heart jumped to my throat as my eyes locked with his. Leo stood at a table across the garden, wearing that same dark suit from the selfie. His hair was slicked back, and I curled my fingers into a fist as I imagined what it’d feel like running them through his wavy black locks.

What was he thinking? Was he glad to see me? Angry? Anxious? His face told me nothing, and I knew I’d have to go over and talk to him.

Before I could make my move, I felt a hand on my shoulder and Jay’s voice loud in my ear.

“Hey man, what are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming.”

His face filled my view as he moved to stand before me, grinning. It was weird seeing him all dressed up in a suit and tie, but he made it work somehow.

“Right back at ya. Since when do you go to weddings?”

“I don’t,” he replied with a shrug. “But my folks wanted to come, and I thought I could invite Luisa.”

“Wow, a wedding date. Are you two that serious?”

“Fuck off,” Jay laughed. “I didn’t even think she’d say yes, but I figured I’d shoot my shot.”

“So where is she?” I asked, looking at where Leo had been standing just a minute ago. He wasn’t there anymore. Fuck.

“Went to the restroom.”

“Oh… And, uh, is this your first date?”

Where could he have gone? Hopefully he didn’t leave because of me.

“Yeah. Well, we met up at a bar once, but Fabian was there too, so it doesn’t count.”

“Got it,” I nodded, still scanning the crowd. He had to be here somewhere. I had to go and find him.

“Who are you looking for?” Jay asked.

“Uh, Leo. I… I gotta talk to him.”

“Oh, right, I saw him come in with his folks. Not sure where he’s… Oh, I think that’s him.” Jay pointed to the bar. At the very end, Leo sat alone, his back turned to us.

“Yeah, that’s him,” I nodded, my feet already carrying me in his direction. “I’ll catch you later, OK?” I gave Jay a quick wave before leaving him.

Weaving through the crowd, I made my way over to the bar, taking the stool right next to Leo’s. He didn’t turn toward me, but I could tell he knew it was me. His posture stiffened, his long, slim fingers curling around the wine glass in front of him. I ordered some red wine too, tracing the pattern on the glass with my fingers. I knew I had to make the first move, but how? I could barely get the nerve to look at him, let alone talk to him. It was fucking ridiculous. We’d been best friends until a week ago, and now I couldn’t even say two words to him? I shook my head, steeled myself and finally turned to face him. He looked even better up close.

“Hey,” I said, my voice sounding strangely quiet. I cleared my throat and tried again. “How’ve you been?”

“Good,” he replied, his gaze fixed on the glass in his hands. “You?”

“I… I don’t know.” I fumbled again. Maybe I wasn’t prepared for this at all. “You look really good,” I said the first thing on my mind.

“Thanks.” Leo finally turned my way. “You look good too.”

“Thanks.” I lowered my head, looking at myself. Isn’t that what everyone does when they get a compliment?

“I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“Yeah, me neither. I wasn’t going to come, but… I saw you were coming and I really wanted to talk to you.” I looked up, my eyes meeting Leo’s, but I still couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He seemed to have his guard up, which I couldn’t really blame him for.

“Do you wanna go somewhere we can talk alone?” I asked.

Leo hesitated, but then put his hands on the bartop and got up off his stool. “Yeah, let’s go over there.” He motioned toward a small table in the corner where no one was sitting. I followed without hesitation, like I was being pulled by a magnet.

“Look, I haven’t really prepared a speech or anything,” I said, wringing my fingers as I sat down next to him. It was impossible to be alone with so many people there, but at least now we had a little bit of privacy. “But I had to see you and talk to you… and say I’m sorry for acting like such a dumbass. I really wish I could take it back somehow.”

“You were a dumbass.”

“I know. I just… I got so in my head and… I was scared.”

“I get it,” Leo said the last thing I expected him to say.

“You do?”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s kind of a big deal. We’re best friends and once we cross that line, there’s no going back, right?”

“But you didn’t freak out. I did.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get why you did.” There was a hint of a smile on Leo’s lips as he looked at me. Damn, I missed seeing him smile. “I think I did all the freaking out before we kissed, thinking how you’d react.”

“Well, I could’ve reacted better,” I cringed, remembering the scene at the beach. “I’m really sorry. I was such a jerk. Fabian showed up and I panicked. And then with my parents…” I ran my fingers through my hair, a long sigh escaping my lips. There were so many things I regretted. So many things I wanted to go back and change. “I should’ve told them. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s OK. Like I said, I get it,” Leo replied. I looked into his warm eyes, and for the first time that day, I could see he really meant what he said. “I haven’t told mine either, but I’m sure they know something’s up.”

“Oh, shit. Have they been nagging you about it?”

“No, but I can tell they’re dying to ask me.”

“Sorry.” I couldn’t stop apologizing.

“Don’t worry about it,” Leo let out a chuckle and I could basically feel myself flying. “I also wanted to apologize to you. Maybe I pushed you a little too far. I should’ve taken it slow.”

I shook my head awkwardly, not knowing what to say. I wasn’t used to people apologizing to me, and I definitely didn’t expect it from Leo. It was supposed to be the other way around. Then, I reached for my suit pocket as I remembered there was something else I had to do. Something very important.

“I, uh, made you something. This is for you,” I pulled out the small wooden parrot from my pocket and presented it to Leo. His eyes went wide as he picked it up delicately and turned it around, observing it from all sides.

“Thanks, this is… this is really nice. Wait, it’s got an eyepatch,” he stopped and stared at me, lost for words. “Is this Ace? From Into the Vortex?”

“Yeah. Did I do him justice?” I asked, feeling a little proud of myself.

“Dude, it’s awesome. Thank you.” Leo nodded, rewarding me with a bright smile. “How did you know what it looked like, though?”

“From the book.” I shrugged like it was no big deal.

“Wait, you read the book? Since when do you read?”

“Wow, OK, mom!” Why was it so hard to believe I’d read something other than a text message?

“What about your book allergy? What’s your doctor going to say?” Leo joked. I could practically feel the ice between us starting to thaw.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m taking my medication,” I replied with a smirk on my lips.

“Are you now?” he let out another chuckle, admiring his parrot. “So, is this a bribe?”

“No, it’s…” I trailed off, not knowing what to say. “I was thinking of you, so I wanted to make you something.”

“Thanks. I really love it.” Leo nodded, giving me a sincere smile.

There was a moment of silence, but not awkward like before. This time, it felt comfortable. I was afraid to break it, but I knew I had to ask.

“Do you think we can go back to how it was before?”

All the confidence and ease I had felt moments ago evaporated in an instant as I waited for Leo to say something. Anything. It felt like ages before he spoke again, but it was probably only a few moments.

“Do you mean… before or after we kissed?”

It took me a moment to realize what he was saying. He was offering me a choice. Before I even managed to say anything, I could feel my gaze slipping down to his lips. He was so close, just inches away. Our legs were practically touching under the table.

“I mean… I’ll accept whatever you want. We could go back to just friends. But…” I reached out for his hand cautiously, like I was trying to grab a scared little kitten. When he didn’t pull back, I covered it with my own, giving it a light squeeze. His skin was soft and warm, and I knew I didn’t want to let go. “I want us to try again. But properly this time.”

“Yeah? Do you think we’re ready?”

“Well, it can’t be worse than last time, right? And we’ll never know if we don’t try,” I intertwined his fingers with mine. “I don’t think I can go back to being friends with you.”

“Me neither,” he admitted, his voice soft and low.

I’m not sure who moved first, but suddenly we were sitting so much closer. With my eyes drifting to his lips again, words practically slipped out of my mouth on their own. “I really want to kiss you right now.”

“Me too, but… we’re not exactly alone.”

It was only then that I could hear the sounds of people all around us, but that didn’t change much.

“I don’t care. Do you?”

Leo shook his head, and that was all the answer I needed. I reached out to cup his face with my hand, and then I leaned in, closing the distance between us. Our lips met, and once again I could feel all the noise disappearing. Leo’s hand squeezed my arm as his lips caressed mine, feeling so strange, but so familiar at the same time. It was like we were kissing for the first time and the hundredth time at once. I didn’t want to stop, but when we finally pulled apart, I could see the grin on his face matching the one on mine.

“How was that?” he whispered, his forehead pressed against mine. I laughed, refusing to let him go.

“Fuck… Do you even have to ask?”

“People definitely saw us.”

“Yeah. I guess now they know.” My thoughts briefly turned to my parents sitting somewhere in the garden, but I couldn’t bring myself to care at that moment.

“Do you think Jay saw us?”

“Hah! I forgot about him.” I gave Leo another quick peck on the lips, caressing his neck with my fingers. “His head probably exploded.”

“Unless he was too busy making out with Luisa.”

“Good point.” I nodded. As I turned around, I could see the bride and the groom finally make an appearance, entering the garden from the restaurant. People clapped and cheered all around us as they looked at the happy couple. It seemed the world had kept on turning even without Leo and me. “I can’t wait for this to be over,” I leaned in and whispered into Leo’s ear.

“Me neither,” he agreed. “Think we should go back to our tables?”

My hand found his under the table. “Not yet.” We shared a look, grinning like a pair of kids who just ditched the final class of the day. “Let’s stay here for a bit. At least until someone comes looking for us.”

~~

My hand brushed against Leo’s as we walked across the venue towards my parents’ table, upbeat music blaring through the speakers. Being among so many people suddenly felt like a good thing—better than having to face mom and dad in private. At least they wouldn’t make a scene in public, right? Either way, with Leo next to me, I didn’t even have to put on a smile. It just came naturally.

“Hey guys, look who I found.” I stopped in front of my parent’s table, a nervous chuckle escaping my lips.

“Mr. and Mrs. Sutton.” Leo straightened, giving them an awkward wave as he shuffled his feet. “Have you been enjoying yourselves?”

“Hello, Leo,” dad greeted him curtly. Mom did the same, looking pointedly at both of us. She knew. They both knew.

“It’s been a lovely ceremony,” she replied, taking a sip of her drink. “And have you two also been enjoying yourselves?”

“Yeah, it’s been fun.” I nodded, glancing over at Leo as I took his hand. “So, I wanted to tell you, Leo and I… We’re together.”

Dad was silent, while mom just nodded, looking past us into the distance until she finally decided to speak. “Yes, we’ve noticed. You two look cute together.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Sutton,” Leo replied politely.

“You haven’t thought to mention this sooner?” mom directed her gaze at me again. I had to contain myself from rolling my eyes.

“It’s… a long story. But I wanted you guys to know.”

“Well, better late than never, I suppose. We’ll talk when we get home, alright?”

“You got it,” I replied, letting out an internal sigh of relief. It could’ve gone better, but it also could’ve gone much worse. I could still feel Leo’s sweaty hand squeezing mine, but I didn’t mind it. On the contrary, it felt good. It was a reminder that he was there, even with all the awkwardness. And I knew that when we repeat that scene in front of his parents, I’ll be the one clutching at his hand like a lifeboat.

“Hey guys, there you are!” We’d barely taken a few steps when Jay appeared out of nowhere, startling us. He couldn’t seem to decide whether to look at Leo or me, so he ended up hanging his head, looking at his shoes as he played with the watch on his wrist. “So, did you want to…”

“We have something to tell you,” Leo cut him off.

“Oh? What is it?” Jay asked, looking like he was about to jump out of his own skin.

“So,” Leo said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, “Noah and I are together now.” I couldn’t help the obnoxious smile that spread across my face, and it wasn’t just because of the close contact with Leo. Jay was looking at us as if he was feeling fifteen different emotions all at once, and I regretted not having a camera in my hand.

“For real?” he asked once his ability to speak returned. “So, that kiss… I didn’t know if…”

“Yeah, you didn’t imagine it.” I let out an amused chuckle.

“Fuck… But, how? Since when?”

“That’s a complicated question,” Leo said as the loud, lively music stopped, replaced by a slow, piano ballad. Luckily, Luisa appeared just at the right time to save us from explaining.

“Hey, guys,” she sidled up next to Jay, looking elegant in her dark green dress. Even in high heels, she was still a good four inches shorter than him. “Are you up for a dance?”

“You better be asking me,” Jay said as he turned to her, taking her by the hand.

She let out a laugh, glancing over at us. “Of course. I wouldn’t want to come in between them.”

As the two of them began their slow dance, drifting away from us, Leo turned to face me, putting his hands on my waist. There was that cute smirk on his face again as his eyes met mine, a spark I couldn’t resist drawing me in.

“What about you? Do you wanna dance?”

I would’ve done whatever he asked me to.

“Not in general, but with you, right now… Yeah.”

I nodded, and so we began. I had no idea what I was doing, so I just followed his lead, hoping he’d make us look good. With my hands on his body, we fell into an easy rhythm, swaying to the music, trading silent looks as if saying even a single word would break the spell. I could feel his arms pulling me closer, so I followed suit, feeling the warmth of his body against mine. As I glanced around at the other couples, I noticed some of them were looking at us, but for the most part, everyone was dancing, laughing, lost in their own world. The music kept playing, the ceremony went on, and as it turned out—the world didn’t end.

Only the epilogue left! Thanks for sticking with me