Dignity - a novel - 9. Chapter 9: Next Day/Crab Shack

Chapter 9: Next Day/Crab Shack

Me and the girls lay out on the beach. The sun is high overhead, but as it's already after 2 PM, it's also slowly heading towards the ocean.

I ask them, "Did you guys sleep at all last night?"

"We were partying," says Lawson, tossing her bobbed hair my way. "We weren't too loud, were we?"

"Nope. Didn't bother me at all." I lift my head and glance around. "Where are we again?"

"Huntington Beach," they say in pretty unison.

We three sit up and face the water. Our sight drifts out to the local boys coming in from the crashing surf, and a round of 'catching a wave.'

David and Cliff are wake-boarding, and Cliff looks hot in his long shorts. They are melted-sherbet orange (which you know I like as a color), and have an all-over pattern of some tropical flower in white outlines.

David's trunks are more understated, like mine, just a solid color with white piping along the seams that runs from the waistband to the leg slits along the sides.

I must be looking at foxy David a little too hard, cuz Cordell leans over on one elbow. He long hair gets brushed away to show me her big smile, and crinkling nose. She takes off her sunglasses to ask me, "You like him, don’t you?" Her tone is friendly and a little singsong.

"Yeah, tell us," chimes in Lawson. "You like guys, don’t you? Are you Bi?"

"Um – I'm not Bi, girls. I just go in for guys. Is that ok?"

They both let out a little pent-up chuckle.

"Knew it," gloats Lawson.

"Well, it's no secret." I tell her matter-of-factly.

"Have you done it with a girl?" Cordell's tone is searching, but tender.

"Phew! – nope."

"Don’t you want to?" Lawson asks.

Cordell adds quickly, "Not even just to try?"

"I'm…I'm Gay, so – no."

A look passes between the girls; one that says maybe they believe me, maybe they don’t. If I had to guess though, I'd say Cordell looks more doubtful that Lawson.

I reassure them: "Don’t worry girls – I have no intentions of bedding your fellas, so rest easy." They laugh, and I add, "Although, if one of them 'just wants to try' – "

I can't finish the thought, for both girls attack me with play-punches. I wind up twisting into a fetal position as they switch to tickling me.

"Stop…" I beg. "You're gonna…make me…piss…my pants….or, pass out!"

Slowly, they do stop, but leave me panting on the sand like a caught trout.

They recline back on their beach blankets and actually high-five each other over my pasty, Ohio-bleached belly.

"Do me," Lawson says, and kicks a bottle of suntan lotion to me with her hand.

She flips onto her belly, stretches out and undoes her top.

"Hey," I ask kinda nervous. "Cliff's not going to get all jealous, is he?"

"Hell no."

"K." And I straddle her ass, and then squeeze out some white sunscreen in the divot along her spine at her lower back. Her amazing skin back here is just as spotless as that on her face.

She teases me as I start to rub it up her spine, and out into her skin. "Oh, baby – Oh, sugar – I'm close, keep doing that."

"Very funny," I say. "As if I'd know a fake orgasm from a real one."

Cordell suddenly sounds very seriously, asking, "You ever get fucked before?"

I have to slide off Lawson, cuz I feel wave after wave of heat rise from my chest and neck. My blushing should tell the girls everything they want to know.

"Never!?" Lawson lifts her head to us.

"Don’t you want to?" inquires Cordell.

I swallow down hard, then answer them in sequence. "No, not yet –and – hell yeah, I do!"

"How come you haven't?" Lawson presses her top to her chest and sits up.

"Yeah..?" Cordell sounds more non-believing than ever; her light hair glints in the sunlight like a wave of question marks.

"Dunno. Well, yes I do – I've never had a boyfriend before, so…I don’t meet a lot of guys. Do you think it's funny I'm still a virgin?"

Lawson gets all serious. "Sean. Be honest with us right now, but really, how old are you?"

I half-smile, and come nearer the truth. "I'm seventeen, just turned, and not eighteen."

Lawson is apparently satisfied, cuz she raises her eyebrows once, turns and lays back on her tummy. "Give it time," she says to the sand facing away from me. "No need to rush it, young man."

I look to Cordell.

She seems to be of a different opinion. "Well, maybe it means…" there was a pause. "Means…you're not as Gay as you think you are."

I chuckle, and I hope I'm not too disrespectful as I tell her, "Does that hold true for all the straight virgins too? – that they are just holding back, waiting, in case a meaningful same-sex encounter 'corrects' them?"

I hear Lawson laugh, but as I probe Cordell's face, she surprises me.

"Maybe," she says, and there is an intensity in her that I didn't quite know was there before.

˚˚˚˚˚

A little while ago, as the sunset approached, the boys joined us and laid out in intimate ease with their girlfriends and me. When the orange disc of the sun began to hit the water's far horizon and melt away, the five of us sat up and watched. It was all so perfect. The moment it completely disappeared though, the air suddenly felt cold, and I put on my sweatshirt. We gathered up our gear, and shoved them in the car.

Now we are strolling along a path that skirts the beach and road, and heading towards a stubby-looking pier. Lights are on over there, and there is some festive activity.

"Hey, Sean?" David says. "You like seafood, right?"

"Yep."

"Well, you better, cuz we're going to this place where they're famous for crabs."

All of a sudden Cliff snickers and pokes at Lawson's side. "Crabs, ha-ha!"

"Dude," David chides him. "Keep your mind outta the gutta – please!"

˚˚˚˚˚

In the restaurant, we sit on a covered terrace overlooking the water. The evening breeze wafts in with the warm scent of the sea.

"Phew! – this is so cool," I tell them.

"Yeah, Ohio-boy." Cliff reaches across the table and pokes me. "Aren’t you glad you're not freezing your nuts off!"

"Well, it is late spring – but, yeah – I'll never have to worry about that again."

"Cool," Cordell adds, and takes a big sip of her mojito.

Now the waiters and waitresses appear and tie bibs on us, LOL! They return in a couple of minutes with buckets – literally, stainless steel buckets! – full of steamed crab, corn and small red potatoes.

No plates needed, just grab one, crack, eat and pile the shells into a spare bucket. This is so cool, but I guess I should not tell my new friends that this is the first time I've ever eaten crab not already processed and in a crab cake.

Oh, well! It's all good. ;-)

˚˚˚˚˚

"I'm gonna take a shower!"

We're back at their place, and I've just finished plugging my phone into the charger.

It's kinda late now. The boys are sitting on the couch, watching TV and passing the weed around. They came back and took e, but I guess the pot dampens their sexy feelings for the moment, LOL. The girls took it too, and reacted by getting up and sorta dancing around a little bit in the dining area off the kitchen. Girls, huh!

I maneuver around the boys' legs to get a fresh tee and my sleeping boxers.

"Wanna toke?" Cliff holds out the pipe for me to take.

"Maybe later. Thanks, dude."

Stepping over their legs, which they stretch all the way out to try and trip me – while they laugh – I catch a look from David's girlfriend. It is sort of like that intense look she passed onto me today at the beach. I give her a grin and nod, then stride down the hall to the bathroom.

In the shower again, the water feels so refreshing. I use my fingers to squeegee water from my eyes, and consider if I should have told the girls my real age.

I get some shampoo, and work it in deep. 'I wonder,' I think, 'if it'd make a difference in the way they see me?' Lawson already said 'it can wait' when she thinks I'm 17, what would she say knowing I'm two years younger?

I get some suds in my eyes. As I am feeling the burn, and moving my head under the water, I think I hear a sound; a sort of familiar sound.

By the time I wash all the shampoo out of my hair and face, I think somebody's in the room with me.

I peek around the shower curtain.

"Shit!" I exclaim, cuz Cordell is standing there, naked.

To me her tits look a little saggy – but then again, what do I know. I am struck that the color of her nipples are surprisingly similar to the color of the freckles on her nose. Her waist is trim, and her hips smooth out in a truly sensual line to form her upper thighs. Her bush is trimmed a little, and exactly the same color as the hair on the top of her head.

"I…" I stammer.

"May I?" She steps up to the tub, takes the curtain out of my grip and slowly draws it back.

"I'll be done in just a minute," I tell her, hoping against hope that this is just some sort of scheduling mix-up.

She ignores me, steps in, and forces me directly under the water stream. I have to raise my hands to shield my eyes some.

She steps up close to me, and whispers: "I like you Sean, I think you like me too. This will be our little secret."

Her hand reaches out and expertly cups me from behind my scrotum.

"No, no, no," I say, but she squeezes pretty hard and starts rubbing.

I tell her in all earnestness, "Don't. It's not right."

She puts her mouth against my cheek. "It feels right, doesn't it?"

Well, I think I read somewhere that sex can be reduced to a matter of friction, and this girl knows where to place that friction on a guy's junk. I had a reaction.

But – but, I turn off the water, and use both hands to guide her away from me. I hold her eyes, saying, "Cordell, you are truly a beautiful girl, and if you were a guy...well, but, you're not. Ok?"

For a moment it looks like I have gotten through to her. She glances down and sees my partial erection was instantly gone once her hand was taken away. But then, that intensity from the beach returns; it seems sad and incapable of understanding my feelings. It morphs into a deeper shade of what I have not seen from her before, for now it seems very selfish, and it's the kind of selfishness that's implicit in a threat.

"What's the big deal?"

I try to chuckle: "You're not gonna rape me, are you?"

She frowns, "No." But then reconsiders it. "Want me to blow you?"

I swallow down hard. "No, I don’t."

It appears I have hurt her. I let loose of the top of her arms, cuz this is where I have been holding her back from me. She turns to the wall, and tells me in a sad tone, "I think you are done, so can you go? Please."

"Sure."

I towel off as fast as I can, and Cordell draws the shower curtain closed as if in slow motion. I'm not sure, but maybe I hear her crying a little.

I jam the towel on the towel bar, then pull up my shorts. I simply grab my tee and leave.

I'm still standing shirtless in the hall. The noise of the TV drifts to me from the living room where I know the boys are. I lean my wet shoulder against the wood of the closed bathroom door.

Did I do anything wrong? I don’t know; did I lead Cordell on in any way? I don’t think so, and if I did, it was an accident – she's got to believe that, or, or I don’t know what. Maybe I should just have gone with it – but then I think of David. I picture all the ways he shows his love to that girl: he merely looks at her, and you can see it; you can see the way his soft brown eyes scan her every feature and freckle in loving adoration.

Suddenly I am on the Universal Studios tram tour again. That first glance of them, two rows in front of me, and I relive the way David kissed the side of Cordell's head as she watched the greenery roll by.

'Fuk,' I think. 'That's love. That's what I want, not sex – just that, someone to look at me, and not care what they see, because love makes me perfect, no matter how flawed or sick or stupid I am.' Who really cares about getting off without that part of it?

The shower goes on. I glance down the hallway, and know I have to get myself ready to rejoin the others.

I stand up straight, slip my Orange Crush t-shirt over my head, and slowly shake myself like a dog.

I start to put a fake-ass, phony as the world is wide smile on, and then start to walk out to join them watching TV.