The Contract of Love - 2. Chapter 2: The Walk of Shame

Chapter 2

Louis’ POV

It feels so warm. I don’t want to wake up. I am really comfortable right now. Mmm. What is this in front of my hand? I try to move my hand forward but I feel resistance. I creek my eyes open to check for the obstacle. Who is this in front of me? He looks handsome even with that rough unshaven look. Something makes me want to touch his face. Now is not the time for that! Where am I and who is this man? I can’t identify the ceiling, it’s too big, definitely not my room. How did I come here? I need to get up now! The man beside me has his arm around me; there is no way I can get up without waking him. What should I do? My head is throbbing with pain. I shouldn’t have drunk so much alcohol last night. What was I thinking?

The man shifts and turns to the other side in his sleep. I wait for a few minutes before removing the duvet and climbing out of the bed slowly, trying not to make much movement or noise. Why am I naked? My curiosity gets the best of me and I lift the duvet enough to check the condition of the other man. Why are we both naked? It is hurting my head to think so much. My ass hurts too; I rub my hands over my sore ass cheeks. I can feel something crusty on my skin. There is a half empty bottle of lotion on the floor. No! Don’t tell me! I couldn’t have…slept with him! What have I done? I need to get out of here before he wakes up!

I locate my underwear and jeans near the bed near another pair of clothes which I believe belongs to that man. What is his name? I can’t remember. Where have I left my shirt? I look around the bed; it is nowhere to be found. I am still wondering about the identity of the man as I open the door, careful to make as little noise as possible. This place is huge! How do I get out of here? My eyes fall on my shirt and shoes discarded before a double door. Did we start from here? Flashes of the previous night come back to me as I pull on my t-shirt. I remember his mouth over mine and my legs around his waist right here in front of these doors. How could I, and with a stranger to add?

More of the night comes back to me as I slip on my shoes. My head is aching from my hangover. But I don’t have time to waste. I can’t face that man again. I remember his name! Xavier! His baritone plays on and on in my mind as I creek the door open. I can see an elevator; this must be the main door. I must go back home. Should I write something? No that wouldn’t be right. I check the time on my phone, still inside my pocket. It is 5 am. I hope I won’t meet anyone so early in the morning. My hope is fulfilled as an empty elevator comes up a while after I press the button.

Is it right for me to run away like this? I am an adult now. I should take responsibility for my actions. Where did I meet him? Oh my God! Xavier is that man who was looking at me in the bar. I remember drinking to show him. Why was I doing that? I know I can’t hold my liquor well! I slept with that man! I don’t even know who he is. I want to run right out of the building as I come out of the elevator. I stop myself from doing so as I notice two uniformed guards at the glass door in front of me. I try to walk calmly as I cross the lobby but I know I am walking too fast and my face looks too tense as I walk out of the building.

Why am I in this posh locality? Did I think of nothing before going home with a stranger? I can’t think about this now. Thank God cabs are running at this early hour in this area. I wave my arm to stop a cab. Two cabs pass me by and I get up on the third one which fortunately comes to a halt. I tell the cab driver my address as I sink into the backseat. I am hoping it is going to a long drive because I surely am not prepared for the walk of shame yet!

Xavier’s POV

It has been a while since I have slept so well. I haven’t slept with another person next to me, for a long time. I am used to coming back after sex, I never spend the night. Remind me again, why did I bring a stranger home and spend the entire night with him? Last night was amazing! I can see his face panting and gasping even with my eyes closed. I had only wished for a little time to myself to relax away from this intense world I am now a part of, when I visited that bar last night. I couldn’t have imagined that I would end up picking up such a beauty.

I like sex. Who doesn’t? I get my fair share of women who are more than willing to crawl into bed with me. And I am no novice in the matters of the body. But last night was so different. Not only did I take my time to make love to a guy for the first time ever, I think it was the best sex I ever had. He neither had the long hair nor the big breasts I am used to but for some reason he was perfect. I have never felt so stimulated in my life. How many times did we do it? Thrice? For a virgin he was quite demanding I must say. He was adorable and breathtakingly beautiful. I think we might need a round this morning to take care of my raging hard on.

I turn around planning to hug the sleeping beauty beside me. Huh? I can only feel the bedding. Where is Louis? That face that was so vivid in my sleep is nowhere to be seen with my eyes open. I stand up and calling out his name.

“Louis!” I call out as I pull on my briefs.

The bottle of lotion is lying on the carpet, next to my jeans. Where are his clothes? My bedroom door is open. I go out into the living area while calling out his name. There is no response. I go to the main door to check for his shoes. Nothing! No trace of his shirt which I had taken off last night. I call the man who I know guards the building gate in the morning. He informs me that the man in red t-shirt and dark blue jeans who had come home with me last night had left the building an hour ago.

Is this retribution for all the times I have done this? He dumped me after a one night stand? Not just any one night stand, the best one of my life. I had been thinking of taking him out for lunch today. I had thought of so many plans for the day. But all my plans are crumbling to the ground in the absence of the object of my affection. Was I just used for sex in the same way I have used so many women before? Was I just a drunken experiment? How could that be? Surely he wouldn’t give away his virginity to just anybody? I am finding this really hard to believe. Come on! All those women knew that I was with them just for one night, a few hours to be precise. Did I not deserve atleast a goodbye even if it was just a onetime thing?

I am feeling pissed and frankly I am a bit hurt. I thought we had a connection. Guess it was just great physical compatibility that got me to think such absurd thoughts. I think I need to go take a shower to clear my mind.

My phone starts vibrating as I pick up my jeans. I check the name of the person calling and notice that it is Matthew, my father’s secretary who had been assisting me in my work for the past four months since I was not satisfied with any of the candidates who were hired to work as my personal secretary. They were either too naggy or too clingy and surely they were all gold diggers, imagining that they could sleep their way into fortune.

“Morning. What is it?” I ask, clearly not in a mood to talk.

“We’ve found another secretary for you. I request you to be patient with this one. I will see you on Monday,” Matthew answers.

I toss my phone on the bed before making my way into the bathroom. This sucks. I think I will have to drown myself in work on a Sunday to drown out the images of Louis still etched into my vision.

I feel a slight sting as the hot water cascades down my back. I raise my arm to check for the source of the discomfort. Huh? I check my other arm too. Both have red marks presumably from Louis’ nails. I turn the shower off for a moment and step in front of the mirror. Turning my back to it, I can see some red lines running down my upper back. Oh! Looks like I got a feisty one.

To say the truth, I am quite shocked at myself. I forgot to use protection last night. What was I even thinking? Right, I was too aroused to think of anything. I am not a hot blooded teenager anymore. It was really reckless of me. I have never made this mistake before. I am sure I wasn’t drunk last night. Drunk on Louis for sure. What is wrong with me today? Why am I saying such stupid things? I really need a good shower now.

Louis’ POV

My eyes are glued to the floor as I walk through the hallway of my apartment complex. So this is what the walk of shame feels like. Suddenly it feels like everyone is staring at me and judging me secretly. Why did I have to go and sleep with that man? I am never drinking again if this is how I am going to end up.

I am making myself a glass of fresh lemon juice with some honey. Hopefully it will help with my headache. I need to prepare myself for my new job. I start tomorrow. I realize that I should have acted a bit more responsibly. But it did feel good; Xavier was so gentle with me. That voice, that hair, that handsome face which kissed me again and again and that sculpted body sure were something. What am I saying? How could it have felt good? This is all absolute nonsense. I don’t want to talk about this stupidity. I think I need a bath and I need some sleep after that. Too much ‘exercise’ last night has left me feeling exhausted.

My body remembers it better than my mind. His hands ran across my neck, down my shoulder and lower still. I trace my hands down the path Xavier took coming to a stop below my waist. His hot kisses felt so nice. His hands were so big and he was almost careful as he touched me over and over again on every part of my body. We did it so many times last night. That voice of his, there is no way I can forget how he whispered slowly into my ear in that deep voice of his. Why am I remembering him now? I need to forget anything of this sort ever happened. My body isn’t ready to comply with my mind as I am already aroused while thinking of the man who made me feel loved last night. I remember how we sought each other greedily throughout the night. How can I forget how I acted like an insatiable person as I held onto him throughout the night?

I know I should be ashamed of the way I behaved but I can’t stop my hand from moving up and down my shaft as I remember the shape of another man. I am scared. I never knew I was capable of behaving in this manner. I hope we don’t meet again. I don’t know what I will do if I see him again. He showed me a side of myself that I never knew to have existed. I never knew I could act like this, like I was possessed.

I have known that I am gay for a long while now. But I have never told anyone about it. Even my own father was unaware of my sexuality. I know I am a coward. I am scared of how people will treat me if they know that I like men. That is why I ran away. I ran away from that one man who kissed me tenderly and showed me the path to pleasure.

******

I need to get out of this apartment as soon as possible. I am going to start saving from my first salary onwards so that I can put a deposit on a new apartment. This apartment is too stuffy and difficulty in getting water in the taps is a perennial issue. I am tired of living by myself; I guess I will look for accommodation with a roommate. Now that I think about it, the apartment I was in this morning was really nice. I didn’t get to see much since I was busy trying to get out of there but it seemed to be quite big and comfortable.

I wish I could live in such a good house. Sure, in my dreams. I don’t have that kind of money. I don’t think I will ever get the chance to live in such a good house. I am not stupid to have extravagant and exaggerated ambitions. I have to be practical. I have to work hard and sustain myself. It is only me now so I have to take care of myself. I wish I had a boyfriend who I could share my thoughts and troubles with. Xavier would be nice. He is really handsome and good in bed, maybe he would make a good boyfriend.

Again! I am doing it again. I need to stop obsessing about that man. I am never going to see him again so I need to forget about him and move on with my life. He isn’t the only man on this planet so I need to get over him. It was just one night; it is never going to happen again.

Xavier’s POV

I can’t get any work done. I close the apps on my phone and look around once again. Ofcourse he isn’t here. It was foolish of me to come here expecting to run into him again. I came back to the bar from last night hoping to meet Louis again. I just can’t get him out of my mind. Why did he have to go away like that? Was I not good enough? Great! Now I am questioning my abilities in bed. I have met this boy just once and it seems he has me twisted around his little finger already.

I think it would be better for me to go back home. I am really not interested in dealing with any of these women who keep approaching me tonight. I just wish I would meet him once more. I won’t let him run away the next time I see him. I will hold him close and make sure he can’t leave. I want to see his face just one more time, touch him once more, and hear him say my name once again.