There is No Forever - 11. Chapter 10

“Heeeeeey!”

“Chandra!” Stefan leaped out of front door and hugged Chandra fiercely in front of his apartment door. “I’m so happy you’re here!”

“I’m happy to be off that plane,” she exclaimed. “It was crazy Stefan, don’t make me do that again.”

Stefan laughed. “Sorry you went through that. Here, come on inside. I love your dress.”

“Thank you!” Chandra said, putting on display her orange, flowy summer dress that went just above her knees, complementing her golden skin tone. She took her suitcase and walked inside. Her hair was long, black, and wavy like a waterfall down the front of her chest. She had large brown eyes with black eyeliner and a medium sized, pointed nose. She was about five foot five inches in height, wearing orange sandals that complimented her dress.

She wandered inside the house, her eyes sparkling. “Look at you, Stefan! Your place is nice!”

“Thank you. Jesse helped me decorate it.” It was hard for Stefan to mention Jesse’s name. It had been a month since the fallout. The conflict made Stefan feel unsettled, and his depression had returned. Stefan stopped eating as much and stayed inside more, which meant being around Chris much more than usual. Chris repeatedly brings up Stefan’s weight, paying him extra attention and giving him flattery that Stefan found insulting and troublesome. In addition, Stefan was getting the impression that Chris’ emotional state was entirely reliant on his carefulness and obedience. This exhausted Stefan, and he began feeling cut off from others. He had hoped Chandra being here would liven up his spirits.

Chandra’s fingers felt the pictures on the wall, the couch in front of the TV, and the quartz countertop. “Wait till I tell mom and dad. They’ve been worried about you Stefan!” Stefan, though he was sorry for causing worry, felt good about being fussed over so far away, especially by Chandra’s mother.

“How have they been, Chandra?”

“Oh you know them. ‘Chandra, have you found your husband yet?’ ‘Chandra, a woman I work with has a fine young man for a son. Maybe we can get you two together one of these days.’”

“Oh no!”

“I know! They’re just ready to have me running over to the altar. Ugh, it’s exhausting. They’re still talking about you and me hooking up!” Stefan laughed, recalling once upon a time, Chandra’s parents considered Stefan a potential suitor before Chris came along. They would be one of the few people aware of Stefan and Chris’ relationship, and neither parent seemed phased by the fact that it was a same-sex relationship. However, a glimmer of hope that one day Stefan might come around always remained with them, much to Stefan and Chandra’s chagrin.

“I love your parents. I’ll come back home one day to visit.”

“Aww, they’d love that Stefan.” Stefan and Chandra had been so preoccupied catching up, it took them both by surprise when Chris showed up at the entrance to the bedroom. He was busy buttoning up his white suit shirt, wearing black jeans, and tan boots.

“What’s up, Chris,” Chandra greeted him.

“Hey,” said Chris. Stefan noted the energy of the room had shifted. Chandra wasn’t as energetic as she had been and Chris, standoffish as usual, wasn’t ever much of a talker.

“You look really nice, Chris,” Stefan said.

Chris smirked at Stefan. “Oh you know, I try to clean up nice. Gotta step it up a bit for Chandra.”

“You haven’t changed,” Chandra said. “Where are you headed?”

“Shit, I’m comin with ya’ll.”

Chandra glanced at Stefan for confirmation. “Are you?”

Stefan, knowing this wasn’t part of the plan he discussed with Chandra, was quick to do damage control. “Umm, yeah actually. I know we’re supposed to see Devan tonight, but I figured since Chris didn’t have any plans and he hadn’t seen Devan in awhile, I wanted all four of us to come out tonight. I know it wasn’t part of the plan, but we’ll have plenty of time to catch up!” Chandra, though taken off guard by Chris’ inclusion in the outing, hadn’t been too surprised. She was used to Stefan making concessions for Chris.

“Oh, okay then.” Chris walked away from the bedroom door towards their restroom in the room. Chandra faced Stefan with her arms crossed. “Ok, why’s he really coming?”

Stefan sighed. “He’s been really moody lately and doesn’t really spend time with anyone. You remember him back in high school? Everybody loved him. But here I am, making friends, going out. I think he just wishes he had the same.”

“Why doesn’t he just hang out with you and your friends? Is he jealous?” Stefan, though he knew Chris to have his jealous moments, thought back to when Chris outright disapproved of the time he spent with his friends, even going as far to accuse him of cheating. But Stefan, torn between loving the Chris who was affectionate and caring versus the other Chris who could be demeaning and controlling, wanted to believe these were isolated incidents.

“Chandra, what would Chris need to be jealous of?” Chandra didn’t answer, but gave Stefan a knowing look. “I’m just trying to get him out of the house and maybe get him out of this funk. Can you let me do that?”

Chandra rolled her eyes. “Okay brother. He just better be cool tonight.”

Chris walked out of the bedroom this time and finished combing out his hair. “Ya’ll ready?”

Stefan thought of taking Chandra to the first place he’d been to after moving to James Street, Beth’s. The clientele was as gay as ever, and Chandra found herself tickled and intrigued.

“Oh my gosh Stefan, I think I saw a dildo lamp!” Though Stefan and Chandra spent their middle school and high school years in a small town, Chandra had spent her childhood in the city. Her parents, having spent a decade in urban areas prior to Chandra being born, had grown used to it’s eccentricities, her included.

Devan had been the first to arrive and waited for Stefan and Chandra to show. He would be surprised to find that Chris had tagged along with them.

“Hey Stefan, how’s it going with you,” Devan said, lifting himself from the booth and giving Stefan a hug.

“Hey, I’m doing well,” Stefan replied. “I’d like you to meet my friend, Chandra.”

“Hey nice to meet you.” Devan and Chandra shook hands.

“It’s very nice to meet you too, Devan.” Chandra said. “I heard a lot about you and your wild adventures with Stefan and your other friend!”

“Uh oh, so he hasn’t told you anything good then,” Devan said. Chandra laughed. “And hey, long time no see, man.”

Devan and Chris shook hands as well. “Ayy,” Chris replied. All four started squeezing into the booth.

“I wanted to thank you for taking care of Stefan for me while I’ve been away.” Chandra said. “This one can be trouble if you let him out of your sight for too long.”

Devan laughed. “Naw, Stefan’s a good guy. We love having him here.”

“We miss him back home!” Chandra leaned her head on Stefan’s arm. “Then he had to go and get a life. Leave us behind.”

Stefan eyed Chandra playfully before looking to Devan. “I was talking with Chandra about visiting my hometown. Maybe when I do, you can come along?”

“Yeah, I’d like that, Stefan.” Devan said. Devan then looked at Chris who seemed preoccupied and separate from the conversation. He found it interesting that Chris wasn’t included in that plan.

“Good evening everyone,” the waitress introduced herself. “Any drinks I can get started for you?”

“Do you have to ask?” Chandra laughed. She and Devan ordered their alcoholic beverages. Stefan and Chris asked for more time to decide.

“Coming right up.” The waitress walked off while Devan turned his attention to Chris.

“So what’s been going on with you, Chris?” he asked. “Haven’t seen you since Jesse and I helped you both move in.”

“Ahh, nuttin’ much,” Chris said, “These trucks don’t drive themselve, so I do what I need to do.” Stefan watched Chris while Chandra seemed to be paying only some attention to what was going on.

“How long have you been a truck driver for?”

Chris looked up to the ceiling, registering his thoughts. “I’d say five years maybe? Didn’t really finish school, you know, college. Wasn’t too into it. I thought of something else I wanted to do, and that was driving.”

Devan nodded. “It’s good it worked out for you. Most of us spend our lifetimes figuring out what to do...or don’t ever get there.” Devan’s chest tightened. He went through the motions, the tensing in his body, the sadness, the guilt, the rage. It enveloped him, then it released. He was growing more used to the way grief still had its hold on him, but was pleased that he grew better at managing it with each day. His fingers unraveled.

“Didn’t want to spend my time fooling around. I went for what I’m good at and I was set.” The waitress set down Devan and Chandra’s drinks and grabbed everyone’s food orders. When she asked again if Stefan or Chris wanted any drinks, Chris asked for a beer. When Stefan decided on a water, Chris started to laugh.

“Come on, babe,” he said, “don’t act like you can’t have a little drink.” Devan was confused. Chandra’s eyes narrowed.

“Why would he?” she asked. “Stefan hasn’t drank in years.” Chris smirked, stretching his left arm so it laid on the back of Stefan. Stefan’s response to it was strange. He wished he could get away.

“Stefan’s had a few sips here and there. I got him to loosen up a bit. He’s been taking a few swigs with me this last month.”

“Really?” Stefan’s face grew warm with intensity. He started to sweat and his body began to panic. Realizing the waitress was still around, Devan stepped in.

“I think he’s good with a water, miss,” he said, “thank you.” As the waitress walked off, Chandra looked at Stefan carefully.

“Stefan,” she said, “am I wrong? Are you starting to drink now?”

Stefan stuttered “W-well-”

“He’s a man Chandra, chill.” Chris interrupted. “We’ve been doing some celebrating, thought that was a good enough reason to drink.”

“But you know he doesn’t like to, Chris. You know he stopped for a reason. So why do you have him drinking again?”

“Chandra,” Stefan spoke. Chandra’s eyes were narrowed at Chris. She relaxed back in her seat. “I-I chose to drink. I know I shouldn’t have. It isn’t Chris’ fault-”

“Damn right it ain’t,” said Chris, raising his voice and puffing out his chest. Devan grew cautious, seeing Chris react this way. Even a few patrons had concerned looks on their face.

Stefan eyed the scene around them. “Chris settle down-”

“I don’t like to be accused of some shit that ain’t got nuthin to do with me! He wanted it, you heard it from him yourself!”

“I got it, Chris,” Chandra said, her voice steady. Chris laid back into his seat. Stefan looked embarrassed, ready to break into tears. Chandra sighed and looked at Stefan concerningly. Devan watched the three like he was the outsider in a family drama. He hadn’t known Chris to act this way, not based on Stefan’s description of him. The waitress delivered their food.

“Thank you,” Devan said, breaking the silence. The sound of knives and forks clashing onto plates replaced the lack of dialogue. Stefan wiped his forehead with a napkin while Chris drank his beer. Chandra and Devan barely touched their drinks. Elton John started playing in the background.

“Devan,” said Stefan, trying to speak through his anxiety. “I-I haven’t asked, what’s been happening with you. Have you been alright?”

Devan heard the stutter in Stefan’s voice. “I’m supposed to be reaching out to my aunt and uncle who have been taking care of my niece sometime soon.”

“Really? How are you feeling about it?”

“Ehh, it’s nerve wracking to tell you the truth. They’re the last two people I want to talk to, but I want to check on Jade.” Chandra and Chris listened. Devan turned to them. “Jade, my niece, is being taken care of by two relatives of mine after her father- my brother - passed away.” Chandra’s lips tightened, appearing empathetic to Devan.

“I’m sure she’ll be glad to hear from you.” Stefan said. “I know this may not be the ideal situation, having to reach out to them, but maybe this is what she needs. Someone close in familial ties to her, like her uncle, to reach out.”

“That’s cool of you, man,” Chris said. The table turned to him. “I give props to you. Just be down for your niece, forget the rest.”

“Thanks Chris,” Devan said.

“That’s very noble of you,” Chandra said. “You’re gonna make a young woman real happy. I know it’ll be a challenge, but from what Stefan has said about you, I think you have the strength to do this. ” Devan smiled at Chandra. Their words were uplifting. He wondered then why his insides were still churning, that he hadn’t resolved the fear this situation brought in him. Devan wanted to feel as heroic as they made him out to be. How will that conversation go between him and Aunt Katherine and Uncle George? And does Jade want to hear from him at all?

Chandra said, “Cheers to Devan,” raising her glass to the air. Stefan and Chris followed suit. Devan, reluctantly, did the same.

The morning after, Devan cooked himself some breakfast, toast and scrambled eggs. He sipped his orange juice as he waited for the vegetables on the stove to simmer. When it was all ready, he put it on a plate and sat it on his table to eat. He ate while the news played in the background, something about a new construction site on James Street. Devan’s attention to it was limited.

He played scenarios in his head on how the conversation with his uncle and aunt was going to go. “Yes, I didn’t show up at the wake.” “No, I hadn’t seen my brother in person in years.” “Yes, I’m still gay.” “No, I’ve never considered changing my ways.” Replaying responses in his head to these hypothetical questions gave Devan a headache. He needed to make this phone call as soon as he can. He grabbed his cell and looked through his phone. There was Jade’s number, as well as Aunt Katherine and Uncle George’s house number. He went ahead and dialed the house number, to hopefully prevent any unnecessary drama that may come from speaking to Jade directly. He dialed it and heard the dial tone four times.

“Good morning, Katherine speaking.”

Devan froze.

“Hello? Is someone there?

Devan got out of his head and spoke. “Aunt Katherine?”

“Yes dear, this is me speak-.” Aunt Katherine’s voice trailed off suddenly. Probably from the realization that there was only one living person in this world who could call her “aunt.”

Devan exhaled. “Hey, are you busy?” Aunt Katherine stayed on the line, though she didn’t speak for some time. Devan could hear breathing on the other end.

She said, “Good morning, Devan. I haven’t received a call from you in years.” Devan thought “likewise” would be an appropriate response, but thought it best not to add to the tension that was already there.

“Years is about right.” he said. “How’s it been for you since Leroy’s passing?”

“It’s never easy to lose a child,” she said simply. “Burying my sister and brother-in-law was the most difficult thing I had to do in my entire life. Now, to have to bury my nephew too? I’m not sure if I’ve had a wound that’s cut so deep.” Aunt Katherine stopped speaking. Devan heard her humming.

“It’s been difficult,” he empathized. “I never thought I’d lose my brother.” Devan gulped. “How bout Uncle George? How is he holding up?”

Aunt Katherine stopped humming. “Why don’t you ask him yourself?” Devan heard some small voices in the background, then heard the phone being passed over.

“Hello.” Uncle George’s tenor voice came through the phone’s speakers loud and clear.

“Morning Uncle George. It’s Devan.”

Uncle George made an inaudible sound on the other end. “Whatchu callin’ here for?”

“I wanted to...talk with Jade.”

“Now-now hold on. Whatchu need to talk to her for? You ain’t bothered to see her father.” Devan thought he was being spoken to like a child needing a lecture. Consequently, a part of himself still felt like one.

“Uncle George, I’m not talking about Leroy. I’m asking you if I could speak to Jade.” Devan heard Uncle George make sounds with his mouth. He only did this when he’s angry and didn’t have the words. He then heard Uncle George remove himself from the phone. He didn’t hear the dial tone and assumed he was still connected to them. A teapot started whistling.

Devan heard rumbling on the other end. “Uncle Devan?” The voice on the other end caught Devan by surprise. The sound of the teapot died down.

“Jade, it’s really good to hear from you.” Devan felt some reassurance hearing Jade’s voice. It didn’t sound as aloof. It seemed more earthy, almost melodic. “How have you been doing?”

“I think it’s going okay. How are you?”

“I’m doing alright here. Glad things are going okay for you. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?” Devan thought of the words to say. He was afraid of what the outcome would be, afraid of Jade rejecting his offer. But Devan didn’t want fear to keep him from Jade.

“I wanted to know if you wanted to see me sometime? I know I haven’t got a chance to...watch you grow and become the young woman you are and...shoot, I don’t know if you know much of anything about me.” Devan paused. “I understand if you feel differently but, I thought I could ask, maybe so we could have a chance to connect after all these years.” Devan hadn’t always been a missing link in his niece’s life. He knew her as a child, all the way until she was six years old. When Devan was removed from his parents’ home, that’d be the last time he’d see her for eight straight years, with Leroy playing his role in keeping them apart.

“Well,” he said, “what do you think?”

“...Okay, that would be fine.” Not sounding ecstatic, but not sounding uninterested in the idea either, Devan was thankful that she was receptive.

“Great, that’s really good, Jade. I’ll talk with Aunt Katherine and Uncle George about transportation. It will be really good to see you.”

“It’ll be good to see you too.”

“Alright then, Jade. Talk to you later.”

“Goodbye Uncle Devan.” And just as Devan was about to hang up, he heard a voice on the other end. “Uncle Devan?” He heard Jade’s voice and brought the phone to his ear. “Great Auntie wanted to speak with you.” Devan could hear Jade handing over the phone. There was quiet on the other end again.

“Devan,” said Aunt Katherine.

“Yes?”

“Are you trying to see this girl?” Devan sensed some apprehension. His brows furrowed and his hand squeezed the phone tighter.

“Yes, that is the plan.”

Aunt Katherine sighed. “Now Devan, what thought have you put into this? Walking up into this girl’s life? Have you thought of the responsibilities? The risks?” Devan said nothing. If he was honest with himself, he didn’t know what he was doing, He understood what a great responsibility this was, but what risks was she talking about? “Does she even know Devan? Does she know of your lifestyle?”

Devan saw this coming. “I couldn’t tell you if she does or not.”

“Hmm…” She sniffed. “Anyway, I don’t feel much comfort in having Jade see you alone. Uncle George and I will bring her down.”

Devan cringed. “Ok. How about next weekend?”

“I’ll ask your Uncle George if that would work.”

“Sounds good. Alright, talk to you later Aunt Katherine…” Devan didn’t hear a goodbye on the other end. The phone went dead. He walked to the table, drank the rest of his orange, and sat himself on his seat. Devan imagined a hand holding his heart in a tight grip. He saw the road ahead and expected an uphill battle to come.