There is No Forever - 4. Chapter 4

Stefan finished hanging with the guys at Sam’s and came to the front of his apartment building. He wondered what Jesse had been doing while he was off at the other part of the bar. Jesse seemed changed somehow, more at ease and in anticipation of something. Devan and himself couldn’t guess what.

Stefan walked up the steps to his floor. The hall was mostly quiet, Stefan feeling fortunate that he has neighbors who kept to themselves and kept down the noise during nighttime hours. He did, however, notice that his room was the only one with excessive noise coming from the door. He nodded his head disappointingly. He turned the keys to his place, and opened the door. A mild odor entered his nostrils as he stepped inside. The source of the noise was the TV. Chris was on the couch, with his foot hanging off the arm of it. He wore nothing but his red boxer shorts and a white T-shirt. Stefan had hoped Chris hadn’t been sitting there the whole day, making this excessive noise.

Chris turned to the door. “What’s good?”

Stefan said, “Not much, just been out with Jesse and Devan again.”

Chris looked away, flicking through the channels. “That’s pretty much who you’re with most days.”

Stefan noted the condition of the apartment. Dishes weren’t clean, food wasn’t put away, and the counter was a mess. It was as if Chris hadn’t done anything except make food, destroy the kitchen, and lay about on the couch without a care in the world. Stefan knew Chris was repeating old behaviors, him not being the most efficient at keeping a clean home that one would want to return to after a hard day’s work.

“Baby, can you turn down the TV?” Chris glanced at Stefan blankly. He turned back to the TV and obliged. Stefan looked around at the place again. “I know you’re sick of me telling you this, but can you please clean up after yourself?”

Chris sucked in his teeth. “Not this shit again.” He lifted himself off the couch, walked around to the back of it, and leaned against it with his arms folded. “I don’t hardly even see your ass and you wanna tell me to clean up?” Stefan couldn’t look Chris in the eye. He looked to the floor and tried hard to swallow.

Chris huffed exasperatedly. “Look, my bad babe. It’s been a long day. Just wanted something to eat and chill out on the couch for a minute. Am I wrong?”

“Well no, but-”

Chris turned away and kept speaking. “I’ve been working pretty hard these days and I kinda forgot to clean up. No big thing right?”

Stefan finally looked up at Chris. He grabbed his arm unconsciously. “I guess.”

“I haven’t got to see you all day. Come here.” Chris held open his arms. Stefan walked slowly over to Chris, his heart beat not having slowed down any less. Chris pulled Stefan toward him. He massaged Stefan’s backside and slapped his ass. “I’m tired babe, been wanting to get some sleep. You wouldn’t mind cleaning up for me, right?” Chris rubbed Stefan’s arms and had these dough eyes, talking softly. Stefan wanted to protest, but the words were trapped in his throat. His eyes diverted from Chris’ towards his chest. Stefan’s anxiety won again. Chris went in for a kiss on the lips. Stefan stood stiffly and received the kiss without a response on his end.

Chris pulled away, his face twisted. “You can’t kiss me now?” He didn’t want to, Stefan thought, but he felt unsure if he was allowed to say no.

“Sorry…” Chris came in for a kiss again and Stefan could only pucker his lips. Chris relinquished Stefan from him and began walking towards their bedroom.

“Alright, I’m ready for bed babe. Wanna clean all this in the morning or tonight?”

“I-I-I, Chris-”

Chris turned back to him. “What? You don’t wanna clean?”

And just as he opened his mouth, his hands fell to the sides and he let out a heavy sigh. “I’ll...I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Chris smiled. “Thanks babe.” He walked into the bedroom. “Come to bed with me.” Stefan, admittedly exhausted, shut off the TV. He entered the kitchen, seeing the stains and grease on the stove and countertops. He tried to not think of it as he looked for any food that shouldn’t be left out and stored it in the refrigerator. When he got to the entrance of his bedroom, he turned off the living room lights.

When he entered into the bedroom, he saw Chris, his shirt off, on his own side of the bed with his legs covered in a blanket. He patted the pillow next to him.

“You ready?”

Stefan nodded. “U-Umm no. I should really shower. I don’t-”

Chris rolled his eyes, “Man, I don’t care what you smell like. Just come in the bed, you can wash up in the morning.”

“Chris, it’ll only take five minutes.”

“You know what, nevermind man. Go take the fucking shower. Just turn off the light, it’s bothering me.” Chris rolled on his side facing the end of the bed and shut his eyes. Stefan thought to get a fresh set of bed clothes from his drawer while the light was on, but, worrying about Chris’ reaction, he shut off the lights. He took off his shirt and shorts and walked over to his side of the bed. He banged his toe on the leg and held in an expletive that almost released from his mouth. Stefan was furious and his frustration boiled within him. He pulled the covers up and forced himself to get comfortable. Not five minutes later, while he hoped sleep might come, he heard rustling on Chris’ side of the bed. An arm came from under his own. He felt Chris’ belly against his back and his legs against his own. Chris’ warm breath breezed over his hair.

“I’m glad you came to bed, babe.” Stefan was silent. Chris massaged Stefan’s body, and Stefan could feel his hand reaching just below his belly. “What’s this?” Stefan felt the band of his underwear being messed with. He had forgotten he was wearing his new underwear thong.

“Damn babe, trying to surprise me and shit? It’s a little tight on ya though. Guess they don’t make these in bigger sizes huh?” Chris laughed. Stefan’s smile vanished right then and there. He was mortified, thinking himself foolish. Fooling in thinking this would be ‘sexy’, that Chris would acknowledge him as sexy. Instead, Stefan had an overwhelming sadness come upon him. When Chris finally fell asleep, still holding Stefan in his arms, Stefan felt tears hit his pillow as he muffled his sobs.

That morning, Stefan woke up beaten. He rose early for a shower, then grudgingly began cleaning the kitchen as a distraction. The bedroom door was closed, blocking Chris’ snores. The TV was off. The only noise Stefan heard was the scrubbing he was doing on the stove and counter, the broom and mop on the floor, and the birds in the trees just a few feet away from the apartment’s window.

His body told him he hardly slept at all, though he wasn’t sure of this. He was also unsure of even what to do with himself today. And without Devan, who was working today, and Jesse, who had other plans that he didn’t feel necessary to discuss, Stefan expected that he would be spending the day alone. Pondering this, Stefan noticed a particular sound was no longer a part of the morning rhythm. Just as he figured out what sound was missing, the bedroom door opened.

Chris walked through with a yawn, arms stretched. “Morning babe,” he said casually.

Stefan hesitated momentarily, feeling the anger within him rise again. “Morning.” Chris sat himself in front of the television, leg hanging over the couch’s arm. The silence only agitated Stefan further, and he felt upset at Chris consciously passing him by, not even acknowledging that he had been up cleaning Chris’ mess.

Chris’ eyes diverted to Stefan. “Aye, what you doing today?”

Stefan scoffed. “Nothing.”

“I had an idea for the two of us.” Stefan slowed down his pace and paid only some attention to Chris, appearing uninterested. He had an urge to turn down the invitation immediately, make Chris feel the way he felt last night. “I know we haven’t got to spend much time with each other in all, so I figured I’d take you on a trip somewhere.”

“A trip?”

“Yeah. Go on a little nature outing you know? Can’t tell you where though: It’ll be a surprise. You wanna do that today?”

Stefan couldn’t help it. His curiosity grew. No matter how angry he wanted to be with Chris, he also found himself desperate to be with him. Let Chris spoil him a little. How could he say no?

“Sure Chris. I think I’d really like that.” Chris smirked and turned his head back to the TV.

“Alright. Pack up a few things you like in the cooler. We’ll head out at eleven.”

The view around them was stunning. Chris, his arms hanging out the driver window as he patted the driver door, drove Stefan to a lake just below a large cliff outside of town.

“I know how you like nature and trees and all that,” Chris said. “Decided to take us to this ridge. Thought you might like it.” This had always been Chris’ MO. Having hardly the patience or tools to understand Stefan’s emotional life, Chris made due by taking Stefan on nature trips. Whenever tension was rising and Stefan seemed disheartened, Chris knew just what to do, pacifying him for the time being.

“It’s really nice, Chris,” Stefan said, his eyes sparkling as he looked around him. “I’ve never seen anywhere like this before.”

“You’re gonna flip when you see this though, babe.” Chris sped up. Trees passed alongside of them as they traveled through a dirt trail. Eventually, the trail began to make an incline, rising upward towards a an endpoint that neither of them could see. “No one usually goes up here. We’ll have the spot just for ourselves.” The two went up a winding road, the edge of the cliff to their right and more forest to their left. As they went up further, the trees would become more sparse, and the both of them could see the lake to their left.

“Wow Chris, it’s beautiful. And the mountains in the background too. This place is amazing.” Chris laughed to himself. Chris’ right hand removed itself from the steering wheel edging over to Stefan. His hand planted itself on Stefan’s back and began to massage it. Stefan caught himself smiling, too self-conscious to express how much he enjoyed Chris’ touch. He lifted his left hand from his lap and placed it on top of Chris’ thigh. Chris looked over to Stefan and had a smirk on his face. Stefan caught himself smiling as well.

Chris looked out to the path in front of them. “We’re here.” Chris drove the car several feet from the ledge. The forest and the roadway were behind them. They had reached the end of the path and all that was left was the view. Stefan walked himself out the car and froze at the ledge, taking in everything he was seeing. It was a panoramic view of the whole park. Stefan had been so taken aback, he almost felt tears well up in him.

“I brought a blanket for us too.” Stefan turned around to find Chris with the cooler and one of the spare blankets they had in their bedroom closet. “Figured we could eat in front of the view. You like that?” Stefan walked over to Chris then as Chris laid out the blanket. When Chris freed his hands, Stefan wrapped his arms around Chris’ neck and gave him a kiss.

Chris held Stefan in his arms as they looked out onto the park. They shared a meal, sat and talked. Neither of the two were aware of the time passing them by. The place was relatively quiet, with songbirds migrating from tree to tree, taking their melodic sounds through the forest with them. Wild rabbits hopped along the edge of the forest. Raccoons and squirrels scurried up on trees, walking along the forest floor.

“Remember when we used to do this back in high school,” Chris asked, “I remember I used to drive you around in that uhh, uhh...” Chris seemed lost in thought and tried hard to find the memory. Stefan gave him sometime before helping him finish.

“The jeep?”

“Yeah, the jeep. Man, that jeep. Got us through a lot. Used to take you out to the desert, beaches, mountains.”

“We had our first kiss in there, didn’t we?”

“Yeah! Shit, my bro still used it and I remember he was picking us up from school. He went to go buy something in the gas station and I asked you..?”

“If I ever kissed anyone.”

“That’s right! I knew the answer already though. My baby was too much of a nerd to be kissing anybody.”

“Babe!”

“You was a cute nerd though! Haha. I remember you telling me no, you hadn’t kissed anybody, and I asked, ‘Can I kiss you?’ Don’t know how we got away with it, but next thing you know…” Stefan’s memory of that moment played in his head vividly. He imagined Chris’ face as a teen with the peach fuzz on top of his lips and the dough brown eyes, his eyes closed as his lips moved steadily toward Stefan’s. Stefan felt an arm and hand cradle his neck as he lip locked a boy that he’d never imagine he would be with all these years. How fortunate is he, he thought, still being held by those same arms.

“I think I remember that kiss. I remember it being something like this.” Stefan faced Chris behind him, and they kissed. Stefan’s arm cradled Chris’ head. Chris’ tongue had no inhibitions as it explored Stefan’s lips and tongue. When they both pulled away, Stefan looked into Chris’ eyes. “Are you still attracted to me, Chris? Like you were back then?”

Chris didn’t blink. “I haven’t stopped being attracted to you. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. You’re my first, and, you’ll be my last.” Stefan was relieved. The misery he found himself in the night before seemed remedied, defunct. His body’s tenseness melted in his Chris’ arms as he leaned his head against his chest.

“I love you.”

As the two resumed kissing and caressing to the backdrop of a sun beginning to set, Chris had a mischievous look on his face. “A kiss ain’t all we did in that car.” Chris lifted himself slowly so Stefan wouldn’t fall. He held out his hand for Stefan to grab and he led him over to the car. Chris opened the back door for Stefan to get in and Stefan obliged. “You comfortable?”

“I’m comfortable.”

“Good.” Chris laid Stefan on his back. His arms were pushing Stefan’s legs open as he steadily entered his torso in the car, kissing Stefan’s lips. He pulled Stefan’s shirt off as well as his own. He kissed him on his forehead and neck, nibbled on his ear. Stefan wrapped his legs around Chris and pulled him in, his hands pressing onto Chris’ back. He was more eager to make love than he had in so long. Chris unbuckled Stefan’s pants and pulled it off him, removing his basketball shorts as well. Stefan sat himself up, lubing Chris' cock. Chris had no issue getting hard when Stefan was pleasuring him. Chris lowered himself into the car again. He entered slowly, his pelvis pushing deeper into Stefan’s hips. Stefan felt himself being taken over. His fingers scratched on Chris’ bare back, exciting Chris more. When Chris had fully entered into Stefan, they both inhaled, then exhaled heavily. They made love, just like it was the first time.