There is No Forever - 3. Chapter 3

It had been three months, and Jesse was feeling trapped. Being in a relationship seemed exciting at first: To call someone your own, take advantage of their overabundance of wealth, and to have all the fabulous connections at all the bars and clubs at your fingertips. But, the work that comes with being in a relationship was getting old. Jesse had been living with Nikolai for 6 months, and they had been together now for a year and a half. The intrigue of living in a penthouse condo with the view of the city outside your window had lost it’s charm and Jesse grew restless.

He sat on a snow white lawn chair on the balcony decorated with floral. It was just outside the bedroom and looked out at the north part of town. The day was particularly warm, and Jesse had on sunglasses, an unbuttoned white suit shirt of Nikolai’s along with his designer underwear. Also bought by Nikolai. As he looked over the city, he noticed a Mexican man with a black baseball cap walking alongside the building. Jesse rose from his seat and tipped his sunglasses down his nose to take a peek.

“Hey,” Jesse called down. The man lifted his head up and saw Jesse with his white suit shirt flapping in the wind like he had been a model posing on the beach. “What’s your name?”

The man pointed to himself, and Jessie nodded. “I’m Filiberto. What’s your name?”

Jesse grinned mischievously. “I’m Jesse. You are a hottie, Filiberto.” Filiberto smiled back from below and removed his hat. He was a medium sized, bronze skin toned guy wearing a black v-neck and almond colored khakis. Jesse noted his youthful appearance, and guessed his age may be no older than his.

Filiberto tilted his head to the side. “You think so?”

“I know so.”

As Jesse looked over FIliberto, scrutinizing his appearance, he heard a yell from the condo. “Jesse!” Jesse looked back in the condo, hearing Nikolai’s echo. He turned to Filiberto, trying to gauge if he heard it too.

Jesse thought quickly. “Oh, sorry Filiberto,” Jesse said with a pout, “I forgot, I need to take care of some things.”

“It’s cool,” Filiberto said. “Maybe I’ll see you around?” Jesse sure hoped so. Filiberto put his hat back on him and looked at Jesse a little longer, revealing a smile before walking off. Jesse exhaled, feeling the butterflies flutter in his stomach.

“Jesse dear,” Nikolai said again, this time by the balcony doorway with a tray of food and mimosas. Jesse jumped.

“Damn Nikolai,” he exclaimed, “I was about to fall off the balcony!”

Nikolai walked over to the lawn chairs and appeared remorseful. “Sorry love, I thought you had heard me earlier. I made us mimosas and some breakfast. Let me sit with you.”

Jesse sighed. “Okay,” and sat himself in the lawn chair again. Nikolai brought the tray between them. He had been wearing a lightweight, purple silk robe that reached down to his knees. He wore only black boxer briefs underneath with black house slippers. He seemed relaxed and well-slept. Nikolai sat alongside Jesse and dipped a strawberry into whip cream while Jesse took a sip of his mimosa.

“Would you like me to feed you?” Nikolai asked.

“It’s alright, I’ll feed myself today.” Jesse grabbed for his fork and knife. Nikolai shrugged and ate the strawberry himself.

“Mmm, very sweet.” Jesse rolled his eyes when Nikolai was looking away. “What would you like to do today?”

Jesse kept eating without looking up. “Hmm, I don’t know. I’m supposed to go out with Stefan today to go shopping.”

“Oh? What about tonight?”

Jesse sucked air through his clenched teeth. “Theeeeen, I’m trying to go out to the bar.”

Nikolai’s brows furrowed. “Jesse, did you forget this is my day off?”

“I know I know. But you can always come with us!”

“Sweetie, I don’t have the energy you and your friends do. Going out all the time like this is tiring. Sometimes I just want to stay home and spend time with you.”

Jesse shrugged. “Then stay home. There will be other nights.”

Nikolai sighed. “Jesse, we were supposed to spend time together today. Every time I have a day off, it seems like you wind up going off with your friends.”

Jesse stopped eating and appeared outraged. “That isn’t true!”

“It certainly seems that way these last couple of months.” Jesse nodded and went back to eating his meal. Nikolai leaned back on his chair and folded his hands, not taking his eyes off Jesse. “Jesse, I have been noticing you’ve been acting a bit distant lately.”

“Distant?”

“Yes. I keep getting the impression you don’t want to spend too much time with me. Is there something I’m doing wrong?” Jesse stopped to pay attention to Nikolai, who looked very grim. “I know I’m quite older than you and being in a committed relationship will mean something different to me than it does for you. You are very young, I understand. It probably is very hard for you to be tied to one man for so long. If there’s something wrong Jesse, would you tell me?” The serious mood dampened Jesse’s spirit. He felt awkward having been put on the spot.

“Can’t we talk about this later?” Nikolai’s head shrunk back as if he’d been appalled. His eyes narrowed, unsure of what to make of the situation.

“What?”

Jesse was wiping his face with the napkin and lifted himself from the seat. “I just have a lot to think about, Nikolai. Let’s talk tonight? I’ll leave early from the bar and come back to see you.” He exited from the porch then, picked up his clothes at the end of the bed, that had been ironed by Nikolai, and raced downstairs.

“Jesse!” Jesse didn’t answer back as the bathroom door closed shut below. Nikolai only stared within the condo, feeling a deep uncertainty well up in his gut. A fly flew onto Jesse’s plate, traveling along its contents, and Nikolai simply sat there, watching time pass him by.

“I don’t like this one,” Stefan said while in the dressing booth. He passed the pair of underwear he tried on over the door for Jesse to grab.

“What,” Jesse exclaimed, “but this one’s cuuuute! Try the yellow one then.” Stefan and Jesse were in the fitting room of an underwear store. Stefan was in one of the booths while Jesse spoke to him on the other side of the door. Stefan had never expressed much interest in underwear, but Jesse thought the trip would spice up Stefan and Chris’ sex life. Stefan, however, believed that shopping for underwear was silly and that Jesse was only using it as a distraction.

“Fine.” Stefan managed to get his legs through the yellow underwear and pulled it up over the underwear he had already been wearing. “Anyway, it sounds like things have been getting pretty tense with you and Nikolai lately.”

Jesse sucked in his teeth. “I just don’t like the drama! All of a sudden he’s like, ‘let’s talk about it’, and I’m like, it’s not really something I can talk about. It’s just a ‘feeling’. And that ‘feeling’ just makes me not want to be around him.”

“It’s natural to feel like you need some space. And I don’t like this one either.”

“Ugh, really? Okay, the blue one - Now Stefan, what do you expect me to say? ‘Yes Nikolai, I’d prefer if I wasn’t around your ass all the damn time. How bout some space, hmm?’ Great relationship advice coming from someone who’s almost been with a man for damn near ten years.”

“You don’t have to go about it that way, Jesse - and that’s ‘on and off’ for ten years.” Stefan looked at the underwear, realizing it was more teal than blue, staring at it concerningly. “When is the last time you and Nikolai talked about where things are going between you two?”

Jesse thought for some time, looking at the other pairs of undies in the mirror in front of him. “I guess not since before we moved in with each other.”

“Then maybe that’s the problem. Nikolai is seeing things in the long term with you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks you’re gonna stick around until he retires and that you’ll take care of him-”

Jesse became incredulous. “Are you serious?!”

“...From what Nikolai has said in the past to Devan and I, I think so.” Stefan put on the teal underwear and continued to be dumbfounded by how it looked. “And maybe he hasn’t really explained that to you, but it’s about time you both talked about your expectations. It’s normal for you to feel unsure of things between you two. It’s probably because you’re not sure where the relationship is going at this point. But if you both have different ideas about what you want, well if I’m being honest, trying to settle will only make you both more miserable. Talk to him.” But it’s the talking that he was ill prepared to do, Jesse thought. It was easy for Jesse to have his material needs met, though his needs were excessive. It was another thing to express to someone what you needed emotionally when you weren’t even sure of your own emotional needs.

Stefan said, “Oh and...I think I could do without this one too. Is this a thong?”

“Not acceptable. I’m coming in.”

“WHAT?! Jesse!” Jesse opened up the door and closed it swiftly behind him while Stefan tried covering up with his hands. “You’re invading my privacy!”

“Shh, quiet down before they find out I’m in here. You need help. And those look just fine. Turn around to look at the mirror - and stop trying to cover your ass!” Stefan turned to the mirror slowly, trying hard not to feel self-conscious.

“Ooh, looks like Chris likes the cubs.”

“Cubs? Oh…” Stefan looked down at his belly like it was his first time seeing it. He frowned. “I haven’t always had this extra weight… Sometimes I hate looking at myself.”

“Oh, sweetie.” Jesse came from behind and massaged Stefan’s shoulders gently. “Stefan, you are a fine ass man and you’d look great even if you were larger or smaller.”

“But look at you! Guys want bodies like yours. Guys don’t wanna look like me…”

Jesse sighed. “It doesn’t matter what other guys want, Stefan. You have to love you no matter what size you are. Besides, I would just DIE to have this big o’le booty of yours.”

“Jesse…”

“Just sayin’ boo. Now buy this thong and give Chris a run for his money.”

Stefan smiled weakly. “Okay. But if you don’t mind, I’d like to get dressed alone.”

“Sure, sure. Let me skedaddle. If you need me, I’ll be checking out these cute pair of undies I found. Oh and I’m buying the yellow pair for you. It goes good with your tone.” Jesse got himself out the dressing room. Stefan turned back to the mirror, looking at himself from different angles. How foolish of him to be paying this much attention to his body, and yet, he couldn’t help being obsessed and disappointed with it. He took off the thong, and got himself dressed.

Stefan, Devan, and Jessie settled themselves in Sam’s, a newish bar that tended to attract the younger crowd. Unlike Juniper where just about everyone went, Devan and Stefan tended to be the older ones in this crowd. Devan went for a black opal while Jessie sipped on a cosmo. Stefan settled for a coke.

Devan made a face when he drank some of his drink. “What the hell is this? Jesse, let me try yours.” Jesse handed him over his cosmo. Devan sipped it and shook his head. “These drinks are wack. Why do you keep having us come here?”

Jesse watched a guy walk pass as he took a sip of his drink. “Because of all the eye candy. Quit hating.”

“This isn’t hating. I’m not spending money on some fruit juice. This needs more alcohol.”

“Ugh, just give me your drink. The bartender we went up to obviously doesn’t know me. I’ll get it changed.” Jesse walked off with the two cups in hand to the bar.

“Black opal huh,” Stefan commented. “Hard day?”

Devan shrugged. “Naw, just more bullshit with my bro. He’s been calling me more recently.”

“Uh oh. Have you talked to him on the phone or just getting messages?”

Devan crossed his arms and looked to the floor. “He called me once while I was still up. I told him to stop calling me and this dude went off. ‘You’re a shame to the family’. ‘You’re life is disgusting’. ‘You’re gonna burn in hell.’ Basically the usual shit...”

Stefan frowned. “Dang Devan. I’m sorry.”

Devan waved at him. “Don’t be sorry. It ain’t even really his fault, to tell you the truth.” Devan saw the confusion in Stefan’s face. Devan leaned back on his seat and looked at the crowd around him. A couple sat next to each other on the bar, one of the guys putting his hand on the other guy’s thigh. They smiled to each other. “We were raised by the same bigoted parents. He can’t help something that he’s been taught to believe since he was in middle school. ‘I didn’t raise you to be no punk,’ my dad used to say. He had to be ‘the man’ my dad could be proud of. It sure as hell couldn’t be me.” Devan wiped his nose as Stefan watched him. EDM was playing low in the background. Stefan shook his head. Never in his life could he have imagined that the parents who raise you could just as easily despise you.

“I understand that the way you both were raised wasn’t...ideal for lack of better words, and that your brother probably got these messed up ideas about you from your parents. A the same time Devan, he’s an adult. He’s had plenty of time to do better, but instead he harrases you. That isn’t okay for him to do to you, no matter what the circumstances.” Devan shrugged again, his eyes glazing over. Stefan quit engaging, knowing Devan well enough to not press him when he’s quiet.

“And here we are.” Jessie said, coming over with the two drinks. “Try it now.” Devan took a sip and whistled after taking a gulp.

“Damn, that puts some hair on your chest,” Devan said massaging his sternum.

Jesse smiled, looking accomplished. “I had the manager re-do the drinks for us.”

“Well, I appreciate it.” Devan put his drink down. “So how was underwear shopping today?”

“Ooh, we got some cute undies! Stefan got on his pair right now.”

“Jesse!” Stefan exclaimed in outrage.

“Let me see them.” Devan looked at Stefan’s back side as Stefan scooted his back more into the seat in embarrassment. “Oh damn Stefan. Trying to be kinky huh?”

Stefan eyes were narrow as he looked to Jesse, who snickered as he sipped his cosmo. “Jesse said they looked good, but I don’t wear thongs.”

“You’ll get used to them sweetheart. All the boys will wanna snap at it, especially Chris. You’ll be getting that good good later, trust.” Jesse looked over to the bar then and noticed a familiar face enjoying their drink. He recognized the outfit immediately and discovered it was Filiberto. “If you’ll excuse me for a second, you two.” Jesse got up and walked towards the bar, dodging the other patrons and keeping his eyes on the man from earlier. He hadn’t noticed it before, but noted the tattoo that poked out of his right sleeve.

“Well, fancy seeing you here.” Filiberto turned around slowly and looked up to see Jesse. Jesse noticed a small mole on his Filiberto’s left cheek along with a small mustache. When he finally recognized Jesse, Filiberto gave a small laugh and turned back around to the bar.

“Fancy meeting you here, too,” he said. “Take a seat.” Jesse walked over eagerly and sat alongside Filiberto. He was immediately attracted and tried not to appear to eager.

“Why is this my first time seeing you here,” Jesse inquired.

“Heh, I don’t go to this bar too much. Drinks are too weak.” Jesse noticed all the bartenders had been on the other, busier side of the bar.

“So why are you here then?”

“Just wanted a beer. Still pricy though…”

Jesse’s eyes widened as he smirked. “Oh? What would you be drinking instead if it was worth the price?”

Filiberto shrugged, his bottom lip puckering. “Hmm, I’d probably get myself a sangria or something.”

“Really now?” Jesse noticed the bar manager walking over to their side and waved at him. “Hey baby, can I get another drink especially made by you?”

“Sure Jesse,” the bar manager said eagerly, wiping a glass clean. “Sorry for the last ones. What would you like?”

“How bout a sangria?”

The bartender’s eyebrows lifted up. “A sangria? Haven’t had you order one of those before. This for your new friend?” Jesse smiled and looked over at Filiberto, who made a quick glance at Jesse before looking back at the manager.

“Yeah, new friend.”

“Alrighty Jesse, I’ll have this one up for you in just a sec.” Filiberto laughed softly in his cup of beer.

“Well, looks like you got yourself a drink.”

“I do.” Filiberto kept sipping his drink, looking at nothing in particular. He seemed to prefer the silence, though Jesse never functioned well in utter silence. Jesse grew mildly antsy.

Then Filiberto said, “So how do you get the manager to make you drinks like that?”

Jesse shrugged nonchalantly. “He’s just known me for awhile. Does it as a nice gesture.”

“Really? I saw you get a drink for your friend over there too.” Filiberto said this as he gestured to the back of the bar.

“Oh yeah. I got connections around this town, and money isn’t an issue for me. I don’t mind.”

FIliberto looked at his beer and drank the last bit of it. “Your money, or your boyfriend’s?” Jesse’s mouth was agape. He started having a sinking feeling in his innards that turned his stomach and made him want to gag. How would Filiberto even know something like that, he thought. The manager came walking towards them.

“Here’s your drink,” he said to Filiberto.

“Thank you.” The bar manager walked off as Filiberto took a sip of the sangria. “Not bad…” Jesse was visibly upset as he contemplated in his head the possibilities, any instances where he may have overshared himself. He came up blank. How does he even justify flirting with the guy now?

“How did you know?” Jesse asked.

“Everyone knows,” he said matter-of-factly. “When you both go off to your VIP rooms, when he gets you into the clubs-”

“But how do YOU know? I’ve never seen you before.”

Filiberto looked straight at Jesse. “I had a feeling. The condo you were staying at where no one under the age of thirty-five lived in. The conversation you had with the manager earlier. Word gets around, it didn’t take long to figure it out.” Jesse sensed that he’d been violated. He’d been found out despite not revealing any information to this kid he didn’t even know. He had been made into a joke, flirting with a random who had figured him out.

Realizing the situation for what it was, Jesse did damage control. “Well, it was nice meeting you Filiberto. Imma take off.” As Jesse walked off with his wounded pride, he heard a voice call out.

“Hey.” Jesse stopped in his tracks and slowly turned to Filiberto’s direction. “Come back.” Jesse, hesitantly, walked back, feeling foolish and already praying for the night to be over. “I don’t need to know what’s going on, but It sounds like you got a few secrets.”

“Why are you bringing me back here?”

“Stopping me on the streets and buying me drinks, something tells me you aren’t look for a new best bud like you were trying to convince the manager. So why me? Why me out of all the guys around here.” Jesse looked at Filiberto steadily, feeling it useless to lie to this man’s face anymore. HIs forearm rested on the bar.

“I’m not gonna bullshit you. I’m not shopping for my next boyfriend, I’m not looking for someone to complain about my relationship with, and honey, I’m certainly not looking for a new best bud.” Filiberto noticed the bartenders were coming back to their side, but for Jesse, it didn’t seem to really matter. “I just need a fuck, preferably one that isn’t my boyfriend. A fuck that isn’t going to expect me to stay around till morning or tell me ‘I love you’ after a month. Call it selfish, but this isn’t church or ethics class. I’m grown and I’ll sin if I want to.

“If it ain’t your cup of tea, that’s fine babydoll. But let me tell you, when I first looked at you, I knew that I wanted to have you. And I had to let you know, right there on my boyfriend’s balcony, that you’re fucking sexy. And I knew for damn sure that I couldn’t just let you walk away without making sure you remembered me.” Filiberto leaned back in his seat and took a gulp of his drink. Jesse’s eyes glanced around the immediate vicinity. His only suspicion was the bar, as he wondered if one of the bartenders had overheard.

Filiberto finished up the sangria and stared at the empty glass. “Let the manager know I really appreciate the drink. Most bars around here don’t make these.” He placed the cup down and turned to Jesse. “Well, mission accomplished, Jesse.” How Filiberto said Jesse’s name made Jesse get the butterflies again. His adrenaline began to rise. “I remembered looking at those abs of yours when I first saw you. I wondered how it would feel to rub against them.”

Jesse curved his lips and blinked slowly as he slid his arm off the bar and looked at the alcohol bottles. “Let’s find out.” Filiberto let out a small laugh. He looked around the bar, then got up from his stool. Jesse led him over to the restroom, careful to avoid too many eyes on the two of them. Once inside the door, Jesse looked into each stall to see if anyone was around. The restroom smelled of peach flavor Febreeze, to both of their reliefs, and looked to have been cleaned recently.

Once Jesse reached the farthest stall, he opened it’s door. “In this one.” Filiberto moved quickly over and got himself inside. Jesse closed the door behind them. The stall had been pretty large, leaving the two plenty of room.

Filiberto looked hungrily at Jesse’s belly, and Jesse could hear Filiberto’s breathing become more labored, his mouth agape. Filiberto walked over, lifted Jesse’s shirt, and his other hand grazed Jesse’s abs. Jesse exhaled in ecstasy. He grabbed Filiberto’s hand, pressing it deeper into his belly. Jesse felt FIliberto’s mustache graze against his neck, then his lips. He moaned. The lips opened just a little and he could feel the gentle pecks. Jesse could hear himself grow louder, grabbing the back of Filiberto’s head. He then pulled Filiberto’s face away from him, looking at him with lust. They moved toward each other. Ready to kiss. Then the door to the bathroom opened.

The two of them froze. Their hearts raced, and Jesse prayed that whoever came in didn’t look under the last stall. The patron had unsteady steps. Jesse and Filiberto could hear the patron opening the second to last stall and relieving himself. The two remained frozen. Once the patron had finished, he stumbled around, then finally exited the restroom. The two exhaled in relief.

“And he didn’t have the nerve to clean his hands,” Jesse said with disgust. “The nerve!”

Filiberto laughed. “Maybe this isn’t the best place for this.”

“Mmm, guess you’re right. We’ll just have to postpone this for another time.” Jesse took his hand and let it graze over Filiberto’s face, using his thumb to rub his cheeks. He pulled it away slowly, and the both of them exited the stall. “And you best not have given me hickies.”

Filiberto smirked. “I tried my best to be gentle. Next time, I can’t make that promise.”