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    Cailen
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Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Cailen's Poem Archive - 13. Chapter 13: Ready to fly

I am in the dark alone, tears stream down my face

I wonder how and why, I reached this forgotten place

I felt you pulling at my heart, but you began to slip away

And before you go forever, I have one thing left to say

 

You think you live inside a gilded cage, from what you’ve been through

But this cage I built around me, is just as strong and true

I feel the walls i built crashing down on me; I need to be set free

I don’t want fear and my cage, to be the end of me…. So

 

Take my hand, and set me free

Let me fly away, and be all the things, my heart was meant to be

Please let me soar, and head to the sky

I can’t take anymore, I’m ready to fly

 

Take a stand and don’t look down, leap don't hesitate

There’s nothing there to hold you back, jump before it's too late

I look out my cloudy window, and look up into the air

My tears roll down my ashen face, wishing you were there… So

 

Take my hand, and set me free

Let me fly away, and be all the things, my heart was meant to be

Please let me soar, and head to the sky

I can’t take anymore, I head for the door, to see what in store, for you I adore…

Oh God, I implore...

For you… I’m ready to fly

cailenauthor@yahoo.com
Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Hey Cailean. This seems to be a pretty intense emotional experience for you. Pretty heartfelt. It seems to convey very contradictory emotions. Perhaps even an uncertainty about what you want out of this proposition. Was that your intent?

 

If so, it might he useful to try to concretise that a little more, but still staying on the metaphoric side of language.

 

The imagery in the second stanza is a bit confusing. 'Guided' ... gilded? The spelling with a 'u' is a different thing. Anyway, this image doesn't seem to resolve. My sense is that you are trying to imply a protective cage.

 

That would resolve into the next line. But then in your cage, which is strong and true, the world comes crashing down on you. Now, as I said above, it may be that these contradictiions are intentional, in which case perhaps they need a bit more illuminating, somehow. On the other hand, I might just be a blind bugger! :D

 

For all that the third stanza has a similar problem of contradictions, I can seeohiw they might work, and this is a really nice stanza. I also like the way you have repeated it as stanza five, kind of like a refrain, but also as a period, marking a position. Its implied lack of resolution is neat, too.

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On 06/28/2011 06:03 AM, Dannsar said:
Hey Cailean. This seems to be a pretty intense emotional experience for you. Pretty heartfelt. It seems to convey very contradictory emotions. Perhaps even an uncertainty about what you want out of this proposition. Was that your intent?

 

If so, it might he useful to try to concretise that a little more, but still staying on the metaphoric side of language.

 

The imagery in the second stanza is a bit confusing. 'Guided' ... gilded? The spelling with a 'u' is a different thing. Anyway, this image doesn't seem to resolve. My sense is that you are trying to imply a protective cage.

 

That would resolve into the next line. But then in your cage, which is strong and true, the world comes crashing down on you. Now, as I said above, it may be that these contradictiions are intentional, in which case perhaps they need a bit more illuminating, somehow. On the other hand, I might just be a blind bugger! :D

 

For all that the third stanza has a similar problem of contradictions, I can seeohiw they might work, and this is a really nice stanza. I also like the way you have repeated it as stanza five, kind of like a refrain, but also as a period, marking a position. Its implied lack of resolution is neat, too.

like most of my poems the setup works as lyrics to a song, oh course without the melody it runs kinda funky. I wanted there to be no resolution, it was intentional, like this poem the emotions behind it are complex. your correction was accurate and i adjusted it accordingly.
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